Tag: Life

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

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Today was an opportunity for a decent day, every day is born with the same hope, but you must be willing to fight for it both metaphorically and literally as other people take their chances and make their choices. “For My Opportunity Anything Goes.”

Monday, October 15, 2018

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Fifty-Forth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, I heard somewhere that you don’t wait for the opportunity to knock, you drag it inside kicking and screaming… everything is violent. I’m still caught up in last week. You see when I fight it’s not to teach a lesson, it’s not only the need to defend myself but when I reach that level I’m not even thinking about winning, I have but one function for the victory… kill.

“Tell me why you kept on kicking him. You had already won.”

“Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too. So they’d leave me alone.” Ender’s Game

One of my favorite motivational speakers says there are only three words that you need; “WHATEVER IT TAKES” this is what makes a person unstoppable, limitless, you do this because there is no other way. I was speaking to Cherry, and she said, writing shouldn’t be a chore, and I won’t lie to you, it can be damn hard sometimes but so can breathing, sleeping, hell being me, Superman (It’s Not Easy), so compared to all that, writing is natural. Everyday something can come of this though I can’t say I’m thinking positively in that aspect, you do remember why I got back into blogging, keeping anything close to a journal, find a girl that pisses you off, or that you like a lot, both ended the same way, honestly.

I have a question though; if writing is my Plan A, why am I still working retail, I even told my coworkers today, if I’m still at it in fifteen years, go ahead and shoot me but to think at one point I did see that job as an opportunity… the pursuit of happiness it is not. There was an opportunity today for a more permanent position at work, but seriously I couldn’t run a crew of three black guys, I like being in charge, but a whip might send the wrong message, and I’ve said it before, if I were white, hand me a polo shirt, and a Tiki Torch. Money though opens up plenty of opportunities which is why I’m always so concerned about it nowadays because without it… so why is right here and now so important, every day I take this time to get it all out, regardless of what comes of it, such ill will.

In every moment lies opportunity and I learned a long time ago, you don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules, I’ve been thinking about this at work *ahem* I’m not here to be your fucking entertainment, I’m not here to be your damn friend, I won’t be taking your shit anymore. I am here to make money, this is my opportunity to do something so that I can have a better life far away from you assholes and if that means fighting for my right to exist, can you hear me now, if anything For My Opportunity Anything Goes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

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Remember my dream last week, I woke up before I figured out what happened to myself and no I wasn’t infected with their stupidity because I refuse, no my infection is RAGE, and that energy had to go somewhere. “Beware The Walking Will”

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say don’t die, but that’s not a promise you can keep necessarily, especially after this week; you’ll reap what I have sown, and I can’t tell you I’m sorry just yet. You know back in those Navy days the thought of dying, never really occurred and there is a big difference in thinking you’re going to die and believing you might have to kill, always better to be the hunter than the prey my friend, remember.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DTtETj3MtzA

I think that’s why you’re still here, so many suicide attempts but the plan was never to die but to get stronger, and last week I protected us, so you can return, damn I do owe you a bunch of apologies right now? You might as well save them up because if things go down how you are undoubtedly thinking, you’re going to need them, and if you do die, well, you’ve worked your ass off today but don’t get cocky those reviews should have been up weeks ago. If Today Was Your Last Day you wanted something to be proud of, and I am, the things that RAGE can do if pointed in the right direction or should I say if it’s transformed and as much as you want to deny it let’s look at those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
Completed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Completed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

An 83.5 B and three of those were all you and not me, hell if only I had got up sometime last week and bought my son’s medication this would have been a clean sweep, and no parent should be greedy, there is no right there even if you keep that stuff in your Walmart shopping cart. Is it greed to want to live, to want to breathe easy at work, not to walk around waiting for the inevitable because Monday as Rocko would put it, “is a very dangerous day” but not getting fired shouldn’t make this list. Speaking of that, this is the first time in a while you need all new goals, well except the first two and the last but here’s to these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Church. (Church #1) By Stylo Fantome
4. I Will Review “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
5. I Will Finish Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

You know I’ve never been one for final words which means one more idea that you are not expected to die, and even now it’s not a fear of losing, no you fear success because most days yeah you wake up and feel like you’re dead and since when did “walkers” develop feelings? No you fear what you’re going to do to the other guy, well guys because of the monster inside you, the rage that infects you but I’ll only ask you to look at what you accomplished today, don’t Pretend We’re Dead, dammit I want you to live, Beware The Walking Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

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As the song goes, don’t dream it’s over but my dream last week did nothing to ready me for what I would face this week though I am trying to figure it out, these hands have been bawled into fists or clutching weapons. “An Hour Of Will”

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, it would help if I went to work, and I have faith if I could ever get my writing down that I would be so much better off, or at least that was the dream. Speaking of which, since I had that dream Sunday, I have lived the nightmare, and I’m still trying to figure it out, but my sleep has returned to a state of nothingness; every so often I am even able to forget the trouble I am in this week, the next, never?

You see now I think the hospital symbolizes that somebody was going to get hurt, and nobody would believe this if I told them but if you compare me and that asshole you see he would have fought to win, but you know how violent I go Lady Lu… Didn’t I say the smallest dog has the loudest bark but “my bite” what else do they say; the fact that I was running in a hospital shows that I didn’t plan on dying, I Don’t Fear The Reaper, death is afraid of me I know.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” ― Mark Twain (Found On Goodreads)

“In this life now, you kill or you die…or you die and you kill” TWD

Others might think I’m losing my head Lady Luna and in a way, I am because what’s my new favorite word… RAGE is making me forget all common sense; I need my job and hell how long was I in college anyway, maybe I was running away from wisdom in the dream. Then again why is it that all supervillains seem to be “wicked smart” if I had fought, already I know exactly how I would have beaten that bastard, it’s like something out of Detroit: Become Human and talk about stupidity, if I got fired though I definitely would have gone on a shopping spree to cheer myself up.

I have no problem with telling you what I would do afterward, fighting that trash though you see he would have been brawling. Instead, I would have been… I can’t say it because that would get flagged as something else, which is why I write fiction mostly. Killing fictional people is so much simpler, and I have no problem baring that part of myself to you or maybe I let my emotions get the better of me at work and I let them see the beast, a peek, a glance.

The time I have spent being angry and afraid, when like Barney Stinson I could be awesome, which is about as much positivity that you’re going to get from me today but what do you think of my dream interpretation but An Hour Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

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It won’t be a best seller or some grandiose poem, not some song lyric that everyone gets wrong on Youtube, how a movie line that shows how the guy gets the girl *sigh* nope it will be how I didn’t get into a fight at work. “File It Under Will,” FAME.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, because I’m not as young as I used to be and if I’m reading all this political mumbo-jumbo right, I won’t be seeing any social security checks; one more reason I should have died young. I’m aging like crazy from worrying about the day job, and now I have two whole days to think about what’s going to happen next, and it feels like I am always writing lousy news, unfortunately.

At this rate I may not have a choice but to write but you know I’ve never been published before or hell I thought I was at one point and how did that turn out for me… as always I should be grateful for what I have now, back then I was begging for a laptop. “Indiana Gone” is perpetually busy with her paperwork, but I haven’t dealt in honest to God paper in forever until Tuesday, and strangely enough nobody ended up bleeding, but the words fell all the same. One way to kill the spirit my Lady, doing what I love in the place I hate, and what about when I went on that yearlong tirade of poetry that barely received any recognition, but then there’s a whole notebook that’s sitting in a college filing cabinet somewhere. There’s even more ramblings with the police, more Inspector Echo’s thing.

My point for today is merely the fact that the only writing of mine that has blown up, in my face, is anything that gets me into trouble and this week I brought it on myself but what choice did I have? The battle cry of the truly committed because when you find your purpose (burned through my motivational playlist) you have no choice but to do it and isn’t that where we find ourselves on day 468 but how long have I held the day job… I saw on a plaque that I have worked there for five years, though at this moment it’s over seven years and I may have ended it with the stroke of a pen.

May I be so loyal to writing as I have been to that place, my hands cracking and bleeding but at least I’m not like one manager, writing about how I was hurt at work but wasn’t I Lady Sophia? Hurt feelings right, maybe I should stick to nonfiction these days, I mean all you have to do is bleed right, and in my fictional stories it’s never me that does the bleeding but in reality, File It Under Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

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There is a reason my parents never got me boxing gloves, why I believe we need stronger *ahem* laws, and even Negan said people are a resource, not a blessing, not a gift and yet standing up for myself. Greatest Gift, Me Will

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Episode 100 ~Greatest Gift, Me Will~

“You make me want to be a better man.” As Good as It Gets (1997)

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, with the way things are going my love, I think I’m going to need a doctor, like when I first met you, a nurse for the fight I almost got into at work, or a lawyer and not for defending your honor, no baby girl, boys will be boys. Probably not the correct thing to say in this climate and do you think I have always treated women with “dignity and respect,” well you as a woman, my wife, lover my best friend (don’t let my son hear that on repeat ever) mother of our children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9_KHgfzs5rc

Now Whitney Houston sang about Greatest Love of All, but I have never bought that one must love themselves to love others, I would lay down my life for you or our children without question but before you… That’s a crime against you if we weren’t together and I would never do anything to hurt you like that, and I find out why I saved myself for you (life wise my love, the experience is a process). To this day I don’t know what the greatest gift is that I have ever given you, my heart, my soul, my mind, what about time, or courage because after today I am afraid because I love my family. I want to provide for you all, tradition, chauvinist, maybe a man believes in many things, and he must fight for those beliefs always.

Today I learned how much I believed in me, that I love myself, fighting for my kids is a no-brainer and fighting for you, would that make me “The Black Knight” yeah no filter at work which is part of the problem, well all of it, my love, fear, and TRADITION. I wanted to fight for me, and I didn’t care about being a provider, or even about being a better man, I wanted to be a man, I wasn’t defending you or anything I hold dear I was fighting for “The Man Right Chea.” Honestly, I didn’t know I cared so much about myself. I would fight, and I would win all to come home to you, but again I did not swear to enter the fray for you my Lady, it was all for me, and I don’t know whether to be so very proud or completely devastated.

“Whoever saves one life, saves the world entire.” The Talmud

“Instead of tryin’ to help a nigga you destroy a brother” Tupac, K-Ci and JoJo

That’s not you though; I do imagine myself as Prince Pairs being nursed back to health should I have lost the battle, Prince Hector to die for a crime or Achilles himself to fight because of my reasons, no matter what they were. You would love me regardless; sad that I have to imagine, or that I should fear but the fact that you will even listen to me, this man that nearly fought, who may lose everything tomorrow because I gave into my rage.

You love me, and I love you and the fact that I spent over an hour writing two statements about what happened today the man that lies with you now, this man that would fight, I love myself, I love me, and that means I’m the Greatest Gift, Me Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

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If I have to go over the lies, I’ve heard in my life one whopper would be “It Gets Better” a rallying cry for the “LGBT” youth but I have seen so many people asked to turn the other cheek, let it go, forget about it. Things Will Always Get Worse

Monday, October 8, 2018

Episode 099 ~Things Will Always Get Worse~

Fifty-Third Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, it helps to stay gainfully employed, and I was on the cusp Madam Justice, perhaps I’m fortunate that there is such a disconnect between my brain and my tongue because here is what I wanted to say to Dumb. First off don’t you f*ing talk to me ever. Secondly I only work here, the product is your problem, and finally, if you ever dare talk down to me again you’ll be too busy picking up your teeth to worry about boxes, now F off.

Language please, maybe “Under His Heel” is rubbing off on me minus the gayness… yeah, the things my mind comes up with only get worse but again having no job would be the absolute worst. The thing is Madam Justice is if I don’t stand up for myself things do get worse, this was Dumb messing with me today, Dumber is bad enough, and Dumbest will get me fired and the fact that the three of them think they can get away with it. How about “Okay,” I got to see her naked but I’ve gone from confident “bad boy” to Christian Grey begging for Anastasia, no wonder she is no longer interested, I know.

If it isn’t violence or sex, it’s retail therapy, I’m getting closer and closer to spending a lot of money; I put items in my cart online but I didn’t go through with the purchase but I want something to make me feel good and if I can’t F someone up one way or another… Takes me back to the days I was in school, and after a hard day which was all of them, I would go to the house, pop in GTA Vice City, add a cheat code and then, well that’s more a confession for Inspector Echo. Games like books and music can take you to another place, and if things get bad there well, at least they have a limit, and you can always start over.

Now I’m not saying things can’t get better, if anything because of the motivational jargon I have to believe that the best stuff is yet to come, like this million dollars I keep going on about, or the bit of satisfaction I would get from kicking some ass. Remember though I always live my life for five-minute intervals, and the world ends, and I don’t have to worry, but the bombs don’t fall ever, so Things Will Always Get Worse.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 098 ~Will To Bear Arms~

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Roll up your sleeves; my hands should get dirty, last night I didn’t have an excuse considering I was naked running around a college campus or a hospital… relax I was dreaming, but I shouldn’t be doing either. “Will To Bear Arms.”

Sunday, October 7, 2018

Episode 098 ~Will To Bear Arms~

To Will:
How to make One Million Dollars, I am not a prophet, and you’re not looking like much of anything these days but to be fair, I called the bad news which never seems to end and the good news… what good news? I’m still one for dreaming though, and while it wasn’t a nightmare per se, the last dream predicted trouble at work, though I didn’t know why… because I wasn’t wearing “excessive happiness,” this time I wasn’t wearing anything *gulp* naked really?

Last week I was told to be positive and in the very same thought I was told I was dying, Monday was the last day of the glass being half-full, hell I started with such passion, the two reviews are nearly done, except for keywords, excerpts, pictures, etc. Maybe that’s what the dream was about last night, but we’ll get to that; sometimes I wonder, do you even understand what I’m trying to say, nobody else gets it, and you will have the same excuses come next Sunday. As I said so many people are losing everything, and here you are, I would tell you not to give into temptation but between Fapping, pretty girls who talk a good “game” and a difficult time reading, *sigh* read Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey, K. Webster
Failed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Failed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Failed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

One point again; now maybe the dream last night was saying that you’re taking on too much stuff, hell I didn’t want to stand so I took a bath and keeping with the bad karma, the Wi-Fi cut out when I sat; yes I said karma because of this great rage. Considering I was running around naked on a college campus/hospital maybe you need to get smarter and healthier, or you’re not dead yet because the whole damn world is beginning is starting to feel like a cemetery. It could even be the understanding that I talk too damn much sometimes; I bare or again bear too much, one way or another you will get hurt if something doesn’t change but not Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

So what should this week be about, or will you be like Moses and Ramses and call the next plague, that’s why you’ve been on Amazon, Best Buy and Walmart sites; you say you care about being a writer and what are you doing? This morning you saw what matters and don’t say it because you don’t want to jinx yourself but do you have what it takes, to survive this week, the rage is still there but your hands, your arms, have a higher destiny, Will To Bear Arms.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

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“You did not wake up to be something, something, mediocre.” That assumes I got up this morning. Maybe I’ll blame my alarm. Perhaps it’s the dog lying on my legs. It’s cold; in the house, because it’s hot out. Will At The Table but the bed works well

Saturday, October 6, 2018

Episode 097 ~Will At The Table~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, when you don’t know how to build computers, need a picture to make the bed and do you know how long it took me to put together two bookcases and my coffee table Ay Yi Yi. So much for the week of positivity am I right, I remember someone saying The Summer of Love was more like the summer of getting your ass kicked… I know “language,” one more thing I’m not doing today, finishing Under His Heel, but you never know, isn’t that right Luna?

Isn’t that why people write out a will, I think all writers realize the inevitable, from the journalist writing his next story; to the ones that create novels, poetry, and everything else, new worlds, to the other artists and innovators, or the person that merely sees this world without themselves. My chair lies empty most days, and I wish I could tell you I was out there living, other than my daily walk with my son and continuing to break promises, giving my word, no my words find their way here, along with that one I refuse to say except on Wednesdays. Stuff that I should probably erase, things I don’t want on my tombstone, might as well call me Rick Grimes, his fate is sealed but not mine so why do I spend so much time on my back, The Walking Dead, Youtube, and Pinterest though something else got me today dear Lady Luna.

My will, if it’s ever written but that doesn’t happen without power and honestly how much does it take to walk from one room to the other, to sit up rather than lie down, hell if I treated every day like before cleaning day? To be fair that isn’t my will either, I always get things done on behalf of others, and that’s the problem, I do nothing for me, it’s called discipline and November is coming, the pressure will be on and if I can’t get started on any given day? All cards on the table; more like anything I can get my hands on, being idle, *sigh* which is one more reason today has been a waste; I shouldn’t say that though, whether I’m looking at beauty, the MILF *Homer drool*, Morgan from “FBE”, or whoever I have in my photos this moment.

No, on my table is just one more bill due, a bottle of water (the last of my health kick) and another mediocre tirade on what my life is, hell what everybody’s life is, putting food on the table so yes Will At The Table.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 096 ~An Inkling Of Will~

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Tattoos can become addicting they say, and that’s only one of many things that I have to remember in this life, and I don’t think of myself as much of a multitasker or disciplined, so about sitting here? “An Inkling Of Will.”

Friday, October 5, 2018

Episode 096 ~An Inkling Of Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, “you step”; an idea, a concept I heard once in a motivational video I watched, a thought that seems a bit ironic with me sitting here but you know what I mean. It’s like inception in a way, oh sure I talk about these speeches I listen to, the voice of a pretty girl, the movies, books, and video games, I see on the daily, I found myself remembering “Sometimes In April” *shudders* didn’t I talk about things written in stone once, like God’s Plan hmm?

What truly lasts forever Lady Sophia, some would say diamonds and surely plenty of people have met eternity in one way or another because of those rocks; speaking of stones, as hard right, I was working on my “Fear Blacking Out” and suddenly had a craving for Haley Pullos. Three things about that, one, shouldn’t I have more respect for women, two, I was a huge fan of General Hospital once, and it took me forever to remember her name “Molly” and three, I can’t forget that I’m a man, it’s Rule Sixteen. I know you’re asking, have I forgotten my point, and I’ve said it before, I don’t forget anything, but I’m asking how do I remember one thing more than I do others?

Cherry is heartbroken over her fur baby Millie R.I.P., and I’ve seen what she is doing In Memoriam which of course got me to thinking about my son and should something happen to him… he’ll see twenty, but I want to get a tattoo for him, a paw print with “BBB” or “B III.” Sad that I can’t forget about one other B am I right but again tattoos, “Aut viam inveniam aut faciam tibi” which is Latin for “I will either find a way or make one” surprisingly that didn’t make my list of rules. All the things that I haven’t written down today, this week, or month but I’ve shared a lot of words, okay texts but still that’s sort of like talking and “Okay” was over here yesterday, I’m starting to think Church Logan was right, every word spoken costs, mind, sanity, even your soul I know.

That’s why it’s important I do what I do, I write, but do you think anxiety has a purpose, again a plan, a position, like having me sit right here and focus for only a little while, I swear Lady Sophia the ideas that have popped in my head from “Patiently Waiting” to The Purge. Pain, blood, they remind me I’m alive, that my son is breathing, that I have enough things in my mind that I want to live and that my dear is my strangest idea, that life is something I want to experience, An Inkling Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

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Where does the time go, the last time I held a pen or tapped a keyboard, today, holding onto a paw, that’s later, and winning “Her” hand, a man is busy building Heaven, and that’s paved in Hell as the song goes. Love To Work Will.

Tuesday, October 2, 2018

Episode 093 ~Love To Work Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars, when what we have is priceless but how about everything else I claim to “love” after you and the kids; I have always believed that such a word is used far too often for the wrong reason. Much like “work” I do that because I love Detroit Become Human and a huge list of games, I “toil” as I “adore” my ever increasing library, I “labor” and don’t ask me how it happened, upper-middle-class family; I want all those name brands.

When I write, however, there are moments and don’t get me wrong I love writing but sometimes, it’s damn hard, but for a brief time I’ll be typing away, and I feel, blessed though I don’t like that word. It’s how I love you though, I worry all the time, this week especially I see how quickly a life can get wrecked, am I still thinking about “Life Itself,” “This Is Us,” or “A Million Little Things”; you know it, but real life isn’t taking any breaks. That’s what my first born, the other kids, and you keep telling me, that I need to take a break, and I don’t ever want to become Peter Banning, Jackson Curtis, or Lord heavens above my father, I’m only Human after all love.

That’s why I say I love you like my words, I want to spend every single day with you, I want to study every part of you, curves, lines, my breaths, my heartbeats all in service to you but that’s the problem. You’re here; you’re mine, why can’t I touch you now or tell you now; when I wake up in the morning, I repeat this one quote, “you did not wake up to be mediocre,” because you deserve better, I deserve to be so much more of a man. Now know this I will choose you and ALL my kids over everything, I love you more than anything else in this existence and maybe witnessing horror and tragedy from all sides is scaring me to death, what a way to start off October right?

I tend to make everything Complicated I know, but I choose to write a sin and not a tragedy and the fact that you’re hurting from my absence… love is all you need they say, but I don’t love my day job, so I write, I don’t adore being a comparison to my father, so I read the children stories (not my stories), and I don’t want to be away from you, so I create. No, I won’t offer you promises of tomorrow that one day there will be time for us because you already have this with Everything I Do you’re the one that makes me want to be better than I am, and when you love what you do, that’s us Here And Now, Love To Work Will.

“You always had tunnel vision.
You could just block everything out
and write.
You blocked us out.”

“Do you love him?”

“I love him enough.”
2012 (2009) Kate and Jackson

I Will Have No Fear