Tag: Life

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

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I wish I could say it’s just money that I was burning and that I didn’t have to worry about it because there would always be more but what about time and words, doesn’t that count for more, sadly Riches, But Looking For More.

Monday, October 1, 2018

Episode 092 ~Riches, But Looking For More~

Fifty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, or maybe the real question is, why do I want to make one million dollars, when in the end I want so much more than that, but this is about stepping away from money right, nobody’s paying me a damn thing yet. I refuse to say I’m looking for happiness, revenge is a poison Madam Justice, and somebody said everything is about sex but sex is about power, and I say I want to be full, but at the same time I give all I have to you here.

There is no trouble at all telling you what I want but as for today as always I want people to suffer, to pay, I want retribution, I want my anger, as a matter of fact, I need rage if I’m going to get everything done today and even now I’m wasting time. Somewhere it’s written that one would instead feel something than nothing and I believe that in a way humans are greedy and as much as one may want to, you can’t wake up happy. Trees convert carbon monoxide into oxygen; they take what the world gives them and produce something positive for somebody else, I work the same way, I take the hurt and the pain and make smiles, for somebody else, I live off the misery as if I were a masochist, but I prefer sadism.

Didn’t I say yesterday that this is supposed to be the week of positive thinking and how many times have I said that I’m grateful, but today I want a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal, a new Kindle Tablet, and to be done writing because I’m saying three thousand words. Now I could have all of that at this very moment Madam Justice but what would I have left here, how would I feel afterward, I suppose the same with you know what. How will I believe if I do get this accomplished, I woke up early today, made my bed, worked, got off an hour ahead of my shift, I felt like a winner for a bit but where did that feeling go and that’s how it goes with happiness honestly. Isn’t that why the writers keep going, the Republicans keep stealing, and the dog keeps snuggling because it is never enough, is that why I dreamed of Daybreakers last night, I suppose.

True enough I could list everything I want, and that might solve my problem because I would be writing forever, but the greatest riches a writer could have is readers, immortality, worlds of their own, Riches, But Looking For More.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 091 ~To The Positive Will~

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They say a few drinks; well, I only need one, but maybe this is one more addiction, the misery, the depression, and when I do “party?” Honestly, it’s a responsibility to feel good but with this week? “To A Positive Will”

Sunday, September 30, 2018

Episode 091 ~To The Positive Will~

To Will:
How to make One Million Dollars, well first don’t spend all your money on liquor and Indiana Gone would tell you that you’re not much of a drinker; one glass of wine honestly and you’ve had more than one some occasions. Hell you still have how many Root “Beers” and a bottle of wine but you do understand that it can make you brave, bold and even full of bliss or “filling” that but you’re “trying” not to feel that at the moment *sigh* Alexa Bliss but you actually blew it on another MILF, such is your disappointment.

Regret, disappointment, and our good friend FEAR and shouldn’t we also talk about laziness, after today you won’t, I mean, it’s done, it’s over this week and even this moment besides wasting today, making a mess and worrying about tomorrow what’s left. That’s the thing, there’s nothing, for the past few weeks, it’s been sort of like the opposite of Pandora’s Box, every negative thing comes in, I burn it away with lust and rage, and I don’t know if hope is a phoenix or that she’s fled. Sometimes I envy people who can anesthetize themselves with anything and everything, drugs, drinks, or destruction, isn’t that what I do every week with Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
Failed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Failed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Failed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

One freaking point, you’re alive, I survived, and I’m telling you to live on more than bloodlust, retail therapy, fapping, being love stoned, and whatever else there is, Will, my friend you’re dying. Fire can cook food but too much or not enough and there’s danger, it can warm your home or burn it down, it can light the way or reveal Hell itself and what is it that you choose this week. No like any addict you want a hit and then you wait for the end of the world, and yes I’m harsh because at this rate what else is there I ask? I mean if it’s not rage, not sex, for damn sure you’re not a decent person with Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

Why even bother changing the list this week, some people tell the day by the bottle that they drink as Bon Jovi put it, you know the day by all the stuff that you won’t do today, tomorrow, two days from now but let “Okay” come over, and suddenly you’re up. That’s the moral of the story Will, find something that gets you up, other than a woman that you won’t touch, or some other vice; To A Positive Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

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There was a time I was willing to do almost anything for a paycheck, I picked up trash over the summer, was in the Navy about a month and worse of all RETAIL, but I’m not willing to do what I love… Help Wanted Willing Writer.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Episode 090 ~Help Wanted Willing Writer~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; I should, I must, and I keep telling myself I will and then I sleep a few more hours, I make another Pinterest gallery, I add another playlist to Spotify, good things come to those who pay, so I should start. That would involve getting a real job first of all, and I’ve already been over my current day job, and how many people don’t want me to have it because of my past and I’m not like them at all.

It sucks when you feel like you have the world on your shoulders, but I’m not trying to be Atlas, one more job that I don’t want to do this week, maybe I’m getting set up for tomorrow’s lists of failures. A book reviewer… well that would involve getting through another book, and I have so many on my plate as is, and what I’m reading now “Under His Heel” by Adara Wolf… I don’t hate the book as is but I’m not gay. I’m also not that helpful, I have ninety-nine reasons I’m not a doctor, make that one hundred, I don’t like people, but I am interested in the human anatomy and oh yes, pain, humiliation, even blood.

I like figuring out the mind, I was dreaming about pain, my current excuse as to why I didn’t go to the library today (back pain), but the thing is when I go into Sadism mode, that means I care enough to inflict it but when people are so worthless I rather not… See I’m attempting to figure myself out first, I believe you must do this before you can discover others but that doesn’t mean you can’t have help, my “father” taught me hatred disguised as love, my son showed me, unconditional love. What about women, because of my mother I seek wisdom, and other women gave me the power of choice, the will to be passionate, and the discovery of my private parts, I mentioned, I’m not gay.

So like Eikichi Onizuka, Dennis Hof, or Sir Mix-A-Lot, I like big butts, well I could go into more details but that’s Dirty Diana’s thing, so I want a job where I can stay in bed, listen to music, judge erotic themes that aren’t gay, and play with the human body lots. I want to inflict pain but not anything serious, I want to care, I want to explore and organize, and love the ladies.

Onizuka became a high school teacher, Mr. Hof owns brothels, Sir Mix-A-Lot was a rapper, and I want to write so why don’t I start with Help Wanted Willing Writer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 089 ~Will Say, Won’t Write~

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Don’t make me say it when all I want to do is sleep or any other way I choose to waste time, and then I write about the simplest things because the fiction never leads to the dream or better the reality. Will Say, Won’t Write

Friday, September 28, 2018

Episode 089 ~Will Say, Won’t Write~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, sharing all my secrets might do the trick, but with one year and nearly three months there is still so much left to confess, let’s hope no one ever asks for an FBI investigation, but you don’t need politics to establish power. The power of a word if I have learned anything this week, so that makes me feel sort of sad on this quest of having one million dollars in a year, well eleven months.

September is a crappy month anyway, and you have probably guessed why but I don’t want to say the words; honestly, it hurts so damn much, but again this week others have shown the courage that I lack. Not that I’m a survivor of sexual assault, now multiple suicide attempts, where do I begin, sleeping pills, painkillers, starvation, dehydration, And The Beat Goes On. Somethings I would never say out loud that I don’t mind bleeding on the page, but as I have said before, there are such things that I continue to let poison me despite my fictional sins.

Take yesterday how I have said I’ll talk about my ravishment fantasy… I have liked bondage since I first discovered sex, but I was never one for ropes and leather… whips possibly and when I came to understand ravishment and that it could be done Safe, Sane, Consensual… Back to my suicide attempts, I never wrote a letter, and I thought I was somewhat lazy, but how do I explain why I would do such a thing, hell knowing my parents they would never reveal the letter or worse they would change it. At this stage in the game, I will never write my signature in one of my books; I won’t ever give some girl my room number in a five-star hotel, how about a proper NDA agreement maybe?

Excuses though, if only they were so hard to write then, I would have time for everything else, today though on top of that there was a shopping list, a budget, so many texts, and great to see that McDonald’s Quarter Pounder with Cheese is living up to the hype. You see Lady Sophia it is that type of small talk that infuriates me but I can’t speak the truth and all those things that I want to say, that I wish to make so real Will Say, Won’t Write.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

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Now I’m not saying she’s a golddigger, but the way I dig her and gold as well, though could you get a million dollars cash in a briefcase that would be awesome and yet she carries my heart around. “Will We Be Rich?”

Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Episode 086 ~Will We Be Rich?~

Dear Future Wife,
How to make One Million Dollars and I’m sure I told you before, but when I was a child, I thought that two hundred bucks would be enough to solve the 99 Problems I thought I had. While you’re my queen, my love, my goddess, my angel, I’m no King David a.k.a. DMX; I don’t hold much faith in a quarter of a million dollars because honestly we deserve more, our children deserve more, I know it.

I must sound like the typical rapper or worse my father because while I never want to be like him and I’ll deny it should you ever meet him… how long have we been married again, anyway a man takes care of his family without a doubt. Now I will sit here and sing All You Need Is Love, and you make me believe it but God I am becoming my father throwing money at everything and hoping that makes up for how I fail. Caesar was ambitious, and Chris Rock spoke about the difference between Rich and Wealth, and I want to be rich, but with you I’m wealthy… okay, who am I kidding, I want both my love.

I want to tell you every beautiful word in every language, and at the same time your beauty inspires me to write, and if anybody cares to listen, I want my words to set us for life. You know I am one for greed, and I want every breath you take, every beat of your heart, together we’ll make even more, and I never want to fear running out, every day I want to bask not only in This Year’s Love but as many years as we can get. Maybe it’s the idea if I have everything, I get to pick and choose, and I would always want you, not a day in the Hell of an old job, the rage that somehow vanished overnight when my heart became full of nothing but you, how much happiness did you have saved up for us both?

Perhaps it is wrong of me to spend yours. As people say, a man must build Heaven for an angel. Honestly, I was buying my way out of Hell, gathering every dollar I could, dreams to make C.R.E.A.M, from the pages I wrote. I Want To Be Rich, I won’t deny it, but I am wealthy because of you. I am because of my first born, the legacy of our other children and yet I ask Will We Be Rich?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

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Too many sad friends to give into my misery, and trying to start this new week out of bed if I’m lucky but waiting to go to work and then after, my dose of the rage virus it seems, Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

Monday, September 24, 2018

Episode 085 ~Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust~

Fifty-First Rule Madam Justice

How to make One Million Dollars, I wish those ideas came as fast as things I’m mad at or how quickly I get hard, though I didn’t wake up with Morning Wood, no I woke up angry that every other part of me had to get up. I read somewhere that couples shouldn’t go to bed angry, and most nights I’m not sure how I feel, though I usually tell myself stories, I go over games in my head, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time maybe Detroit: Become Human.

Back when I had a full-time school schedule, though I remember a pretty girl here, or there it is the rage I embraced the most, and now, hell I can be angry that I don’t have time for gaming, the money for it, that I don’t have a pretty girl like North, Kara, or Chloe. I’m mad that already I feel sick and what did I do wrong, I woke up right when I wanted to, ate breakfast, I’m even talking to you this morning so why should I be in pain. How about the fact that I can’t have hope, no I’m afraid which only means I need more anger to fuel me because when I get to the day job, what happens then?

Wouldn’t indifference be worse, I either want your head on a stick or your head on a… yeah it’s easier to talk about hate as always, people more often than not prefer my misery and they want it with me smiling. Me and my dumbass smile, THIS I CANNOT DO (anymore) I mean, so either I’m a pervert, a psycho, but never a person and strangely enough that makes me mad because do I honestly want to be like any person I know nowadays. Everyone I like is suffering, the man I am, I still hate, which goes perfectly with hating the majority of human beings so yes indeed I enjoy looking at beautiful things.

The Beautiful People, maybe that’s why I want anger because I want to feel something other than anything to be ashamed of right; being mad makes me damn well normal but pictures of bodies one way or another gets you kicked off Pinterest but not today. For now, I’m angry that this day isn’t going as planned but I am in more control dear Madam Justice, surprisingly this rage and Anger Burns Hotter Than Lust.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 084 ~Will Take The Wheel~

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To think I can go anywhere I want, and I would prefer to stay in bed instead of putting these hands to work but I did take a step in the right direction, and maybe I can make another one this week. “Will Take The Wheel.”

Sunday, September 23, 2018

Episode 084 ~Will Take The Wheel~

To Will:
How to make One Million Dollars, coming from someone with a “history” of numbers that’s rich; no pun intended or maybe it is because if it’s not the 1, 2, 3’s it’s A, B, C, and of all the words not to like, DISCOMBOBULATED looks good on you. Well I mean if this is what gets you up in the morning, though you could have gotten up earlier… one of these days will be a positive one, maybe that should be on the list, like a million dollars.

Even now you want to complain about tomorrow and the day after, what about the next, and you’re looking for that silver lining, but it always comes back to the numbers, the two movies you want to see against how much you worked last week for example. The gas in your car, plus the two wheels that need replacing, and the money in your wallet and every excuse that I want to throw at you currently; If I Were A Rich Man. Complaining about cash is a big sign of adulting, especially in America, when your only concern becomes about money and how I wish for you that it overwhelms even your lust; because words are going to make you money I believe and that means more days fighting against “other passions” Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. “I Will” Review “The Art Of Peace”
Completed
4. I Will Eat Breakfast Every Day
Failed
5. I Will Finish “Church.” By Stylo Fantome
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Failed

Well look at that, I said positive, and already last week I broke 17.5 to a solid 34 F one foot in front of the other, but you have to move faster, not quite as “quickly” as you Fapping nowadays ha, but again you need the car. Hell, the words should be even harder considering the tragedies besetting you from all sides, but you will no longer apologize for things that you aren’t responsible for to anybody and no that doesn’t go on the list. This week you might even get three things done, even if the book; yeah more negativity, no state the facts the erotica book club wanted to read another m/m and a long one at that, did I say that… words; but these Six Impossible Things.
1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

Again other things should make this list but the point is to maintain control of yourself but you must also know when to let loose like I didn’t, I want people in the ground and yet I remained silent because the lady at work lost her husband. Respect right, but who respects you, such a concept comes from those that find themselves in; no, those who seize control and that is what you must do so Will Take The Wheel.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

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What’s one more lazy day, I couldn’t scream to get up but one noise from my phone and it’s time to get to work, just in case right and let me say that church never got me to do that but the day job, my father, a pretty girl *sigh*. Will Whisper To God

Saturday, September 22, 2018

Episode 083 ~Will Whisper To God~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars; well I hear tell people will sell their souls to Satan for much less and give themselves to God for nothing at all and pretend that their Laughing With either or. I believe that the Devil gives better advice but at the same time what is the sum of human wisdom… I figured there was a good reason I dreamed about Alexandre Dumas, to the point, quotes and The Shawshank Redemption; more jail dreams just saying.

‘all human wisdom is contained in these two words, ‘Wait and Hope.” ― Alexandre Dumas

That seems to be my battle cry these days, and people have often told me I’m a good listener unless it’s something about me, and then they all turn into politicians, but hell I’m the same when it comes to listening to myself sadly. There’s never an argument when I have to get out of bed in the morning for the day job, no confusion when my little boy needs me to let him back in the house and when a beautiful girl comes calling, wow. If anything that’s what got me out of bed today, another pretty girl on “Whisper” did I ever tell you that’s how I met Indiana Gone, met another girl who couldn’t stand my face.

Now did she say that; not in so many words and now I got one more that disappeared all of a sudden and so I listen to my inner voice, and you know how they ask would you like you if you met you; yeah I hate that guy. The Devil Is A Lie, but she’s focused, and as I often say, everything I could ever want in this world is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insanity but not to her; does that make me sexist making the Devil female? It explains why God never had a chance, the Devil would, of course, garner my desire but God, Our Father, a black man that I could never talk to, oh yeah he’s always there right but these are not the days to cry out to him, roar, or scream, no you whisper Lady Lu, remember that.

It’s why the world is a mess right now and if we are born in God’s image; again, I don’t fear success, but I have seen what I do when I’m no longer whispering, the worlds I’ve created, the actions I have taken and yet I Will Whisper To God.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 082 ~Willie This Tale Again~

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The I got sick at work excuse or I’ll work something out because I can’t talk to a bank teller, how about the one that I was high on an energy drink and found something more crucial to do huh. Willie This Tale Again

Friday, September 21, 2018

Episode 082 ~Willie This Tale Again~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars and it’s not with writing excuses and sad to say I can’t promise you even today that I won’t have a few more for you, they usually come without warning as it was today yet again.

I swear my breakfast or even something so simple as a bag of chips should come with one of those caution stickers like on the side of a pack of cigarettes, may cause sickness when eating around people. A lesson from childhood, I usually ate lunch all alone, or I didn’t eat at all and yet somehow or another I never had my lunch money stolen, my game boy, a dozen G. I. JOE Toys, my dignity but never food funds. Speaking of which that’s what inspired me today, or yesterday honestly, I can write about plenty of things that have happened, I have fiction, but what about the stuff I’ve never done out of FEAR yeah shocking Lady Sophia.

If I’m going to go into confessions I should probably speak to Inspector Echo am I right but only one today *ahem* I’ve never made a transaction with a drive-thru teller; am I supposed to take a drink now, 5-hour ENERGY is my drug of choice, but I still blame the chips. Anyway you know why I haven’t, FEAR is always my go-to excuse, I am afraid, and maybe that should be my new daily quotation, I’ve nearly written a year’s worth of rules seriously.

Hell, I need to be real and being awake is that, considering I have nearly finished Church by Stylo Fantome and I’m talking to you now, how many times have I said that 5-hour ENERGY does its job and I can only hope to do something a quarter as excellent and helpful. Again I need to consider either writing all the reasons I’m a writer or everything that I’m afraid of, and can I honestly find another year’s worth or how about methods of obtaining that million, this month is nearly gone and I’m no closer. Alice Little doesn’t have to wait for any man and what about Detroit: Become Human, I haven’t mentioned that in a while *sigh* Markus and North, Kara and Luther.

For now, I should focus on my story oh yeah and how many reviews should I write again and at least lazy is better off than FEAR because you know the truth my dear Lady Sophia, Willie This Tale Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 081 ~Ring A Ding Will~

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A woman can help a man find his bravery but don’t mistake stupidity for courage and my how I feel stupid at the moment even with a clear head, but strangely I’m the richer for it even when I picked up the phone and dialed. Ring A Ding Will.

Thursday, September 20, 2018

Episode 081 ~Ring A Ding Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, well first off let me say how happy I am that porn is free or maybe not considering time is valuable and how much have I wasted this week… I should enjoy the clarity while it last. How I’m going to miss that killer instinct though, maybe I shouldn’t say that considering the world we live in, save that for Isaku, Church by Stylo Fantome, and a Playboy subscription, okay so I’m a hypocrite sadly.

I would choose to be a hypocrite than a failure as Mr. Trump can attest to but despite it all, he managed to score Stormy Daniels and please don’t ask me where my hot blonde is but I know I’m serious when I find the courage to pick up the phone and start dialing. Dirty Diana, I tell you that I am dead serious when I’m in my kitchen and a woman texts, and we’re talking about food, and she says burgers are good, but I’ll give you a blow job for your shrimp pasta, and then both are sitting on the table. You know I’m not giving up when I have a closet full of outfits that I sure as Hell ain’t wearing because someday soon I’m going to have some submissive with voluptuous tits, or amazing legs… it was her legs that made me break today honestly.

As you can see I’m “trying” to be all sorts of positive because I broke today but better to do that than to do what I was planning but who knows what will happen when I go shopping today, one of the reasons to like Halloween, wigs, collars, slutty outfits. What, people are already gearing up for Christmas, and I could go all into Dear Future Wife mode, but right now it’s not my heart that concerns me, something else has to get back up along with the rest of me. You know Tony Montana has it right, and I’m still getting it backward, however Dirty Diana when I make my New Year’s Resolutions, one is always, to either have a new woman in my bed for the month or a steady supply of sex.

That’s why I’m up now… on my feet getting back in the ring because come tomorrow, hell some hours from now I’ll be a mess, that is unless I honestly am the man Dirty Diana, somebody knows that I’m the man *sigh* Ring A Ding Will.

I Will Have No Fear