Tag: Living

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

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Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and on Monday I will yet again be reborn, but will I still be in the same place, if I can’t get out of bed for one night, how best to do what I should be doing for the new year? “Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, if I could but leave it in the past, the end of this year, I don’t know whether to be glad, sad, feel bad, excuse the rhymes but that is yet one more thing that has not changed. It’s like the eye doctor always asks, better, worse, or about the same, and I’m pleased if things remain but I shouldn’t.

1. See Braxton through another year
2. Write 400 words on workdays (Goal 120,000)
3. Write 5000 words on off days (Goal 120,000)
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend
5. Buy a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish a poetry book
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Last year’s list of resolutions, high hopes but Braxton is alive, and I hope happy, I didn’t write 400 words a day until we began talking again but I have finished my 120,000-word novel “Some Assembly Required” that’s still a working title of course. This whole year I haven’t slept with one girl, and though I could have had one, I didn’t take the opportunity or speaking of which buy a cookbook either. I did complete NaNoWriMo “The Keys To Life” working title, I got a new car and did minor household stuff, no book of poetry, barely over 2,000 dollars, and reading… my lowest score in a reading challenge with 26 books so no.

2018 Resolutions:
1. See Braxton through another year
2. Continue to write my blog, at least 400 words daily and gain a profit
3. Complete one novel without NaNoWriMo
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend/submissive
5. Read over 25 books one being a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (a novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish all repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish two books, poetry and novel
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Does it look like I’m even attempting to evolve, to rebel, of course, Braxton always comes first, and I bought everything I needed for a blog in September didn’t I and if I call myself a writer, shouldn’t I be going to work on that? I have to get out of this house and start hitting Books-A-Million, Starbucks, the library again, maybe even try Target because of Indiana Gone put it “bitches love Target”; and I should have a girl before November. I know I have skills, hell I built a coffee table, wrote a book, and if I publish I should have money and time honestly am I right?

What happened to me Lady Luna, where is the impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane, Tony Montana, of course, has it right, you have to work, you have to make money. As the song goes it’s a Bittersweet Symphony, and I can change, but then I look at this year. Now that should be the most significant fear, that I will still be sitting here, same as I was last year, fighting a stomachache, hiding in the house, with too much to read and not enough to write but another excuse, a wish, and some dream.

So what have I learned today, to be me and then not so, other than Braxton’s life, make my life so I just might need new Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

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How many knew they had watched their last sunrise and how many of those have I regretted, that I wish I didn’t have to see if anything I should be more grateful to be sure. “And The Sun Rises”, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, who knows

Monday, October 2, 2017

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, you got to remember to keep your head up, and yes that is going in the rule book but speaking of which there are exceptions and one of those is when you’re being shot at. I swear I don’t know what is going on with the world today and how many times have I said, I’m not cut out for politics but to think my biggest problem this morning was I couldn’t keep my head up around this construction guy and then a few minutes later I learned there had been yet another shooting; some people will never raise their heads again and I’m complaining?

Death does not frighten me Lady Lu, of course you know this, I was in my car yesterday “Just Cruisin’” and the thought that if there was a button that could end my life so easily I’d probably push it. Suicidal tendencies as always but I’m doing pretty okay for just being human… when did I start explaining myself to you especially since I want to start writing today? As this Walmart greeter said, any day above ground right, and as we have discussed before just because so many others have it worse right now doesn’t make my problems any less valid and yes I am grateful, though I’m always saying that about my day job and that’s fear talking.

Speaking of fear talking, I was watching Fear The Walking Dead last night and this lady made Alicia promise that she wouldn’t make decisions based on fear and we know that’s my bread and butter. Also, a note, don’t let me buy bread and butter pickles anymore those things are gross but what does any of this have to do with today’s lesson? I was thinking that the sun isn’t scared to rise and neither is the moon, how about Braxton, how about any of those people who were at that concert just living life?

No, Luna, I don’t owe you a damn thing even remembering how we got back to talking, I don’t owe any bitch if anything I owe Braxton, but my point is that it’s a new day and what am I going to do with it, why fear it at all? So what have we learned besides the fact that sometimes I feel immortal or I’m dead and in Hell, and other times I know I need to get to work because I’m still here Lady Lu And The Sun Rises?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

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What do I want out of life, as a matter of fact, what is life other than one breath to the next, and why aren’t I making every single one of them count to have whatever it is I want in this world “As Badly as Air” I wonder how much I truly want.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, as we always come back to the question, what do I want, not what do you want, not what they want, what does society want but for once let me be selfish, hopeful, let me add an I to my tagline of impossible, immoral, illegal, with the word “Insane”. Not a doubt in my mind I’m there already or at least always heading in that direction, so about today’s lesson.

“When you want knowledge as you have just wanted air, then you will have knowledge”

Do you remember when I got super psyched to join up with Mensa, strange considering my grade point average or lack thereof; what exactly was I trying to prove? Honestly Lu it wouldn’t have mattered even if I got in, what would that solve, a wise man that says nothing is thought of as a fool. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t a fool, that would be a step in the right direction at least.

“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.” Yuri, Lord of War (2005)

Anyway, my point is, back then that was something I wanted, bad enough that I paid for the practice test, bad enough that I looked for the actual test, and bad enough that I felt bad after the disaster which was the practice test. What have I wanted that badly since, besides the transgressions of my biology, I mean I want plenty but I went out of my way when it came to Mensa. How about air though, we all want and need air but how badly have I wanted it, what have I been willing to do to get it, if it wasn’t around.

Lady Lu if air wasn’t readily available I would have probably suffocated by now but I have been without it and my answer is “anything” I would do anything for that next breath. “M Anime” reminded me of this yesterday, a child was willing to fight for just one more gasp, so what about now.

I told you making that list yesterday made me all sorts of giddy, it made me feel like I was a kid again, though I was never one to write a list Santa. Who do we write our lists to nowadays, like yesterday it’s all about working, what are we willing to do to keep living, another reason I write.

Like air is everywhere, I never questioned what I would find under the tree, it was there and while I might be surprised here or there, I was grateful and I never expected more. Nobody teaches you how to breathe Luna, maybe a smack on the butt counts but you simply count out and you take what you need and damn anybody else. Now, what if I applied that to everything else in my life if I want it as bad as my next breath then what in the Hell is stopping me from having it, is it just me?

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” – The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

I haven’t written anything to my parents in a month or so but the world continues to turn, and so do the lights on and off, the air conditioner, how about a dozen other things, I keep living, I keep breathing. How about the fact that all I need to do is keep breathing so that I can do my job, I must want my job pretty damn badly to keep getting up. What about us Luna, every day I write and that says something when I want to write as badly as I need to breathe, that’s something right?

Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this life thing, you know how much I hate that whole living every moment like it’s your last, if that were the case I would be ashamed of myself. How about treating everything as though you’re reaching for that last breath, everything you want is in that next breath, even if you can’t see it, just breathe in.

“I’m not that optimistic. I feel like I’m sinking down a drain and I can’t get out.

She’d say, “when you’re stuck in that spiral, you reach up”.

What if there’s nothing up there?

Just reach up.” Planet Terror (2007)

I know Luna I’m not one for motivation but this morning as I mulled over getting Braxton a new groomer, and my Amazon list I just started thinking, when I want us to have everything as much as I need the next breath what will I do to accomplish this? I’ve never been this early chatting you up I don’t think but first things first, I need to work harder.

Did you see how expensive all my wishes are, no my dear talking up a girl for one day out of the year isn’t going to cut it, though speaking of which talking up a girl at all would be something. Doesn’t that go back to being the caveman and then evolving, what’s the use of air if I’m not going to use it, I might just become one of those mouth breathers but like Braxton, I have plenty to say. What do I want as badly as I want air, I want to do something with it I want to live, the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz.

As badly as I want air, I actually want someone that takes it away from me, and I don’t mean to catch it because she will be standing there right in front of me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore with any of my breaths, which means facing down my fears, heading back to the illegal side of things because I want to stop some breaths and hearts. With each and every breath I want to know that finally, I am the person that I should be in life.

So what have we learned today, if I see anything I want, treat it as the next breath, what am I willing to do to possess and to do that, and hopefully not be arrested? Every single breath needs to matter because if you must fight for the next one at least it should be worth something and that something should be truly wanted and desired As Badly as Air.

I Will Have No Fear