Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

Doing what you love isn’t working right; now I could tell you exactly what that is to me and most people would say that’s not the L Word, others would say it’s illegal unless you live in Nevada or Rhode Island. “A Greed With Will”

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Episode 109 ~A Greed With Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, did I mention I miss Hugh Hefner and now Dennis Hof, how about the man I want to be, the man I should be? Only Sloth trumps Greed in my book, which explains why I’m hopped up on 5-hour ENERGY. Will I ever stop singing praises to it, well people are continually going on and on about blessed coffee, football, or the “president,” but you know what revs me up, boobs, butts, and ahem beauty.

That’s how such great men made their living, and that’s what I want to do with my life, beauties in both book and brothels, but I’ve been thinking about a niche, well I mean other than everything. Most people I’ve talked to about this know that I’m into brunettes, I still haven’t figured out why considering I’ll go for blondes, redheads, multicolor hair, the list goes on; a man must have choices and I’m still a traditionalist when it comes to marriage. Not talking to that guy right now, no I’m staying a dreamer, and I should be a worker, yeah the guy that spent all of his pay and then some, if I could horde cash the way I do the ladies, and how I should my dark secrets.

I know this isn’t sounding sexy but besides being on hiatus from you know what, I’m thinking more business, not to mention I’m greedy with my time today, which is something I find more valuable than both ladies and money and if I chose between the two… Both are only a means to an end, POWER but nobody lives forever, and when I see everything that I’m missing out on; now I don’t want to be some old man with some eighteen-year-old out for my money. I want to be some old man taking other guys money and getting all my sex for free, and again I’m not getting into love today; love and sex can be entirely different entities.

At the end of each day though, we want it all but what are we willing to do to have that; sometimes I think I’m freaking insane; a friend asked me, what would be so bad about losing the day job I hate every day, to what, write a book about what I love? I choose the money because the idea of flesh, fulfilling a need, let’s agree maybe “fucking” looks worse than the love of money but I want more; A Greed With Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

I’m okay, no more and no less, I survive one more day, and I think… yeah right, on to the next one and soon it doesn’t hurt so much, dare I say there is a little less fear after a while? Meet The Complacent Will

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

Episode 108 ~Meet The Complacent Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t go to therapy; you think my job pays me enough for health insurance? Stay awake maybe, well look at me today, and eat healthy, again look at where I work. The thing is I still work there, so does Dumb and Dumber and as far as Dumbest, I could be way off the mark, but I haven’t seen him since last week, could I possibly be so lucky… highly doubtful, PCH hasn’t shown up with my big check as such.

That’s my first sin, but even you ask though you are way smarter than Rudy Giuliani. Can hope be a sin, I said yesterday I pray for my dog though I don’t believe in any deity. Every day I plan for the best, and I woke up in my drool, and I wanted to see a black man fall. My second sin is that this makes me as normal as anybody else, I remember when America learned Osama Bin Laden got put down and there was such celebration. Sure he was a killer but are we not better? I know a young woman who took a bullet and another woman who is a dear friend who got robbed, and neither has seen their assailants brought to justice, this world can be better. This leads me to my third sin, it’s people that make this world what it is, and another coworker asked me about my job and if I go through so much crap, hell like my boss, why don’t I leave, and that’s the magic word for today Inspector Echo, COMPLACENCY, I am complacent.

My fourth sin is that I’m willing to accept it, all last week and now this week it’s been; please let me keep my job, no fear Inspector, as I have said the fight does not bother me it’s what I’ll have to do. That’s five, the fact that I have returned to my normal state which is no damn good, wake up, go to work, come back and pass out, then talk to you or any of the girls about making a million dollars all so I can speak with actual girls. Even in that, I have become quite complacent maybe I’m that damn greedy, or perhaps I’m a pervert but if I counted that as a sin every single week I’m screwed right…

So what’s my plan for tomorrow, I could be wrong of course about the situation, and that means, the sixth sin for today. I am going to worry tonight, and the man I want to be should focus on making the world, well my world a better place; I want to be like Dennis Hof may he rest in peace. Will you forgive me Inspector Echo for wishing to see another person fall (nevermind). I apologize for being, well human. For accepting this life in its ways, for not “trying” harder, and for another night of worry. Hell for those five minutes I remembered someone else that threatened to ruin me, but I Ain’t Happy but Meet The Complacent Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Get well soon, nope, usually, it’s better to get Will soon, whether it be a fight at work, a reason to be fired, or some other calamity but the question is who will I be tomorrow, and who cares to know. All Will Be Will.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Episode 107 ~All Will Be Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, yet I Stay here with you, for a little while longer and I don’t worry, more like a wish that all will be Will… yeah for a writer, I’m sure many an English teacher will have a field day with that. I’ve done worst in English classes, ask me about my freshman year in junior college one day but I close my eyes, and I know all will be well if I can be the man you always love every day.

If I can be the man that everyday kisses all of my children’s heads and tells my furry little firstborn “good puppy, good puppy, be good puppy *gives him a treat* I’ll be back, I love you, be a good puppy, make good decisions, always make good decisions.” Could I say the same for myself as you kiss me goodbye, is there anything better to stop my words whether they be angry, negative, or complicated as people seem to find them and that’s when they come at all. Is there a better way to keep a smile on my face, the needs of the many as they say but For The Love Of You, I want to be me all of the time, even when I can’t see him, I still don’t like mirrors much.

Is it strange that I don’t like first person shooters either but “Far Cry 5”… I learn but my point is when I’m leaving, and I’ll never bow to any religion but I pray for my son, and now I pray for you as well and my other children; I believe, I know you’ll be Alright. Again I don’t feel that way most days, people ask me how I’m doing and I find that question so freaking annoying because people don’t care, so I say “another day,” and when I realize at work, I won’t feel my rage. When I’m out in the world and don’t rattle, or when the average person doesn’t leave me with the look of “REALLY” on my face. So I come back to you, and I’ll always ask how your day is going, but you don’t need to ask me, I know you care too but how was my day, how am I doing, how do I feel right now?

I want to feel like Will, I want to love my family, I want to know I have everything I need and I get out of bed not because I’m in a hurry, but because hell maybe Shakespeare had it right, parting is such sweet sorrow and knowing me that’s the only sadness I’ll cater to. I want to kill… for fun, Far Cry 5, Detroit Become Human, Fallout 4, getting around holiday time. Yeah, I can be a monster, trying to be an Eagle surrounded by turkeys, and as far as the Santa Claus question *sigh* we’ll get to it, me and my motivations; when I love you will do, all will be well and All Will Be Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Today was an opportunity for a decent day, every day is born with the same hope, but you must be willing to fight for it both metaphorically and literally as other people take their chances and make their choices. “For My Opportunity Anything Goes.”

Monday, October 15, 2018

Episode 106 ~For My Opportunity Anything Goes~

Fifty-Forth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, I heard somewhere that you don’t wait for the opportunity to knock, you drag it inside kicking and screaming… everything is violent. I’m still caught up in last week. You see when I fight it’s not to teach a lesson, it’s not only the need to defend myself but when I reach that level I’m not even thinking about winning, I have but one function for the victory… kill.

“Tell me why you kept on kicking him. You had already won.”

“Knocking him down won the first fight. I wanted to win all the next ones, too. So they’d leave me alone.” Ender’s Game

One of my favorite motivational speakers says there are only three words that you need; “WHATEVER IT TAKES” this is what makes a person unstoppable, limitless, you do this because there is no other way. I was speaking to Cherry, and she said, writing shouldn’t be a chore, and I won’t lie to you, it can be damn hard sometimes but so can breathing, sleeping, hell being me, Superman (It’s Not Easy), so compared to all that, writing is natural. Everyday something can come of this though I can’t say I’m thinking positively in that aspect, you do remember why I got back into blogging, keeping anything close to a journal, find a girl that pisses you off, or that you like a lot, both ended the same way, honestly.

I have a question though; if writing is my Plan A, why am I still working retail, I even told my coworkers today, if I’m still at it in fifteen years, go ahead and shoot me but to think at one point I did see that job as an opportunity… the pursuit of happiness it is not. There was an opportunity today for a more permanent position at work, but seriously I couldn’t run a crew of three black guys, I like being in charge, but a whip might send the wrong message, and I’ve said it before, if I were white, hand me a polo shirt, and a Tiki Torch. Money though opens up plenty of opportunities which is why I’m always so concerned about it nowadays because without it… so why is right here and now so important, every day I take this time to get it all out, regardless of what comes of it, such ill will.

In every moment lies opportunity and I learned a long time ago, you don’t have to play by everyone else’s rules, I’ve been thinking about this at work *ahem* I’m not here to be your fucking entertainment, I’m not here to be your damn friend, I won’t be taking your shit anymore. I am here to make money, this is my opportunity to do something so that I can have a better life far away from you assholes and if that means fighting for my right to exist, can you hear me now, if anything For My Opportunity Anything Goes.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

Remember my dream last week, I woke up before I figured out what happened to myself and no I wasn’t infected with their stupidity because I refuse, no my infection is RAGE, and that energy had to go somewhere. “Beware The Walking Will”

Sunday, October 14, 2018

Episode 105 ~Beware The Walking Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, a part of me wants to say don’t die, but that’s not a promise you can keep necessarily, especially after this week; you’ll reap what I have sown, and I can’t tell you I’m sorry just yet. You know back in those Navy days the thought of dying, never really occurred and there is a big difference in thinking you’re going to die and believing you might have to kill, always better to be the hunter than the prey my friend, remember.

I think that’s why you’re still here, so many suicide attempts but the plan was never to die but to get stronger, and last week I protected us, so you can return, damn I do owe you a bunch of apologies right now? You might as well save them up because if things go down how you are undoubtedly thinking, you’re going to need them, and if you do die, well, you’ve worked your ass off today but don’t get cocky those reviews should have been up weeks ago. If Today Was Your Last Day you wanted something to be proud of, and I am, the things that RAGE can do if pointed in the right direction or should I say if it’s transformed and as much as you want to deny it let’s look at those Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review “Ven” (V Games) Ker Dukey and K. Webster
Completed
4. I Will Review “Life Itself”
Completed
5. I Will Finish “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
Completed
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”
Completed

An 83.5 B and three of those were all you and not me, hell if only I had got up sometime last week and bought my son’s medication this would have been a clean sweep, and no parent should be greedy, there is no right there even if you keep that stuff in your Walmart shopping cart. Is it greed to want to live, to want to breathe easy at work, not to walk around waiting for the inevitable because Monday as Rocko would put it, “is a very dangerous day” but not getting fired shouldn’t make this list. Speaking of that, this is the first time in a while you need all new goals, well except the first two and the last but here’s to these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Church. (Church #1) By Stylo Fantome
4. I Will Review “Under His Heel.” By Adara Wolf
5. I Will Finish Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
6. I Will Edit At Least One Chapter of “Apocalypse Rush”

You know I’ve never been one for final words which means one more idea that you are not expected to die, and even now it’s not a fear of losing, no you fear success because most days yeah you wake up and feel like you’re dead and since when did “walkers” develop feelings? No you fear what you’re going to do to the other guy, well guys because of the monster inside you, the rage that infects you but I’ll only ask you to look at what you accomplished today, don’t Pretend We’re Dead, dammit I want you to live, Beware The Walking Will.

I Will Have No Fear

The Language Of Life Itself

What is the meaning of life, there was a point when I would have said love but if this movie is any indication there is plenty of tragedy that makes you wonder is it worth it… this movie is worth seeing without a doubt. “The Language Of Life Itself.”

One name Samuel L. Jackson, though I don’t know whether to say, way to hide the good stuff or I’m warning you, because you know what’s he’s known for, and even if it is a five-minute cameo, the language is going to remain. I sat in the theater having to remind myself that “Life Itself” is a rated R movie because nothing in the trailers prepared me for this which in a way is a Pleasant surprise, though I saw one mother who brought her son, and an old lady yelling at a studio guy about the language she heard.

If this is what the fans of “This Is Us” watch, what have I been missing, the story though is top notch, and the stars that I recognized were awesome but do I call it a love story, a tragedy, a few laughs here and there but like watching The Lion King after Mufasa dies. You should be prepared for the graphic nature and the storytelling within the film and don’t get attached to characters; it will be a tearjerker if you can deal with the pacing and the shock value of the tale. Now with Fandango appeased perhaps a better explanation of the story would be to call it a series because overall the “drama” while great leaves one with a sense of, I whip my head back and forth, though down is a pretty decent direction just saying.

It amazes me what they get away with on screen sometimes, not that I’m one of those people who enjoys whining about how can they do that but when you compare Oscar Isaac’s character of Will to Olivia Wilde’s Abby well you can guess where they knew to draw the line. Again not with the speech though but I think it was toned down in later parts of the movie, or maybe that’s how New Yorker’s talk… but again I’m not trying to play Annie Wilkes from Misery. When you go from tragedy to tragedy, to disaster, to drama and then the ending but which would I be referring to since I counted at least five couples and the movie could have focused on one, not at all I think.

They were all needed though you only tend to focus on one emotion and spoiler alert it ain’t happy because the moment you begin to feel that well, Life Itself can be funny at times, and I do mean that. Only two of all the couples caught my eye but maybe because I have a thing for girls named Olivia, or I have an idea of a specific type of girl as many of my friends have noticed to be fair, plus it was also the end of the movie.

Attempting to stick to the trailer, two young New Yorkers are together, love and marriage expecting their first child and as I said, do not let the promo put a smile on your face if you’re a fan of the first two leads. Honestly, though I genuinely related to Will and not only in name and I know it’s a scary thought if you go and watch the movie but for a man to be in love so much… and that’s only the beginning of the heartbreak; have tissues ready.

I liked Abby too because she grew to become so understanding and with her past, how could she not fall in love with Will; their relationship is what dreams should all be and something I might want for myself someday. Can’t say I had as strong a reaction to Javier and Isabel’s love played by Sergio Peris-Mencheta and Laia Costa, so of course to give it a bit of extra punch you throw Antonio Banderas as Mr. Saccione into the mix. Though the feelings of the two men wanting what was best for Rodrigo (Àlex Monner) brought a lot of emotion and I only wished my father somehow gave that much caring, yeah that hit pretty close to home honestly.

As I have already mentioned the Lion King and laughter in the aftermath and Samuel L. Jackson is only a brief cameo we have Jean Smart as Linda and Isabel Durant playing Shari, but why did I find it so humorous that they could take the tragedy and turn it into a funny, rooting for construct? However alone, not one character truly stood out and compared to the minimal screen time of everyone involved, that’s why the stakes have to know such incredible heights for everyone to give the characters any depth. In a way, it’s like “GTA V” that everyone who sees this movie will find at least one persona to go with and even more so, a chapter to love and trust me that this film will help with this in a way.

Again for me, Will’s family was the best though, in this age of political correctness, I’m sure that someone will have a problem with that, Americans, a fan of Star Wars, I like the theme song, and the women though no worries on the sex front but considering everyone has kids… It’s also worth mentioning about the theme song that I won’t say yet, that it plays a pivotal role in the movie, if I understand anything about Abby’s college stuff, it’s an unreliable narrator or the only true one.

On the Fandango scale I’ll give it a four out of five, so am eight out of ten for inflation, I would definitely see it again now that I’m over the initial shock of the first time around and yes this movie will do that but do This Is Us fans have nerves of steel or what? From this point forward there will be spoilers, so you know, but I do recommend this film and if you don’t care what kids hear or for them to see you cry then bring them along as well.

One of the things that I didn’t like about this movie, well… people talk about trailers telling too much or featuring things that never make an appearance, “Get Out” deer skeleton or “Happy Death Day” In Da Club for examples but Life Itself is nothing like you’re expecting. I think the tragedy scale is set somewhat high I mean if you don’t have the guts to show one person you don’t get extra for traumatizing the audience with the next death, no matter how graphic, quick but it is quite violent. While I appreciate the good sense to break up the movie into chapters, with most stories the sections correlate, and this was more a miniseries of shorts that fulfilled the overall story of one life that is only on camera for five minutes truthfully.

My favorite parts, Will and Abby, the scene where he is attempting to explain that one day together, and you’re wondering, did they divorce, die, get disintegrated by aliens, and Will can’t seem to make up his mind before. Dylan played by Olivia Cooke; you could see her story arc coming from a mile away, and though her ending was somewhat, unfulfilling, she did a terrific job with the character and the small love story. I’ve already talked about the song which was Make You Feel My Love, sung by Bob Dylan and covered by numerous artists and it didn’t get old or repetitive as many times as it was played in “Life Itself” *sigh*.

Life Itself is masterful storytelling, but it felt more like several great stories that got around to making a good one and is there such a thing as “perfect” anyway, that can be a dirty word too if you think about it. So I’ve done a lot of it myself, trying to untangle it all and if I uttered one final word, it would have to be *ahem* “complicated” which is the truth because what can be more dramatic than The Language Of Life Itself.

Ven Will These Women Learn

How does one win at life, I heard in a song that life is game for everyone and love is the prize and I never much agreed with that but while I am here looking for what I would consider a victory I might as well read some. “Ven Will These Women Learn”

If a man did this or if a man did that, honestly men do so much and worse, but despite it all when men and women come together it is not their job to fix each other, that responsibility is solely theirs and theirs alone, and so it is with Ven and Diana. Ven by Ker Dukey and K. Webster is the sequel to Vlad and covers the Vetrov bloodline, and I should tell you now there will be spoilers so if you haven’t read the first book… what, you honestly haven’t read about Vlad?

For the record, Vlad is still my favorite character with Diana coming in a close second for one reason in particular honestly, but again, there is, what’s that word; that’s right Responsibility. Her father is responsible for her if not then Veniamin, and then how about she do something, and she did because Vlad didn’t get the whole story. Now this story should be centered more around Veniamin, but it reminds me somewhat of How I Met Your Mother, like how the mom was nowhere in the world but he is in this story, but it centers more around Diana. Last warning spoilers ahead, Diana’s betrayal, Diana betrothed, and Diana can be a real um, a not nice person, in fact, she is a real badass in this story, but the problem is other than violence she is not learning from past misdeeds that aren’t entirely her fault I know.

Ven’s story is not much different from Vlad’s, a wealthy man with an evil daddy destined to rule an empire with the woman he wants so close and yet so far away but of course it does not stay that way for long. Diana brings a new set of problems and while she learns to accept the circumstances of the first problem the overall moral is lost yet again which is, please don’t lie, in a world full of lies, with these people you are supposed to be better than, why continue the mistakes of the past. Of course, the best part is this book starts right where Vlad left off, and honestly, that is what got me to read this one because I wanted to know what was next as I am somewhat of an aficionado of fantasy death games, am I drooling like Homer Simpson, yes I am.

The first half of the book and then some is pretty awesome, but it doesn’t add much to the table other than seeing events through another family’s eyes and wanting to catch a glimpse of Vlad and Irina and their happy ending; or is it. Then they rev up the blood quotient for this one, and I mean by the gallons, and that alone had me so close, and I do mean Diana in the arena close to death wanting me to say wow perfection.

Ven and Diana, what can I say that Vlad and Irina didn’t cover other than a whole new set of circumstances as to why they can or can’t be together, another overbearing father this, a few lies that, and then Diana is always herself. There is also a whole new list of characters to learn about; I think I said in my last review that the biographical information for all of the families is tremendously helpful as I refer to it quite a bit reading.

With Veniamin, he’s somewhat of a more, significantly inebriated version of Vlad, that deep sense of love and killer’s instinct is the same and seeing as how he’s in love with Irina’s sister but while Vlad’s led more by pure rage and passion, add a drug habit, and you have our guy Ven. Now Diana was painted somewhat as a villainess in the last installment, but when you get the bigger picture you understand truthfully that is until well; she doesn’t learn. I find myself lost between hating her for her many lies. Or falling in love because of The V Games. Together as a couple, I keep saying it but Vlad and Irina win hands down but Ven and Diana, that fire they have together is like something out of Sin City and how they come to express it; if only Irina were such.

There is more of Vika where again another villainous woman is painted to be somewhat of a victim, and while I can respect Diana to a certain degree, Vika does everything for her own sake while Diana was seeking to protect others. I can’t forget the Madmen of Moscow, while I can’t keep up with the membership of my erotica reading group if other men are into this genre I’m sure many would want to relate or even be either Rodion or Zahkar. Vas to me seems a bit unfinished like he’s there, he has some pivotal scenes, but somehow it’s as if he’s set apart still, which sort of explains the idea for the next book or maybe the authoresses wanted to stick to the V theme some logically.

Other supporting characters I don’t think are as well done as Vlad, it could be because there was more action in this follow-up and let me be clear while I will give both titles four stars I believe I like Ven as a novel more than Vlad. With Vlad, you have the sex and a bit of violence but with Ven or I should probably say Diana, I suppose that’s a personal preference as I heard in a movie once, power becomes yours through sex and VIOLENCE, true enough friends.

Four-Stars I was there, if I only stopped reading those last few pages I would have given Ven five stars without a doubt, but we never freeze do we, but you have your shot right here, and now this book is incredible. I am also about to share some of my favorite scenes though most of my excitement again stems from being a witness to The V Games just saying.

The ending I guess is that aha moment, but first I was confused, and then there was not a twinge of anything because Vas’s character and his lady love, are not honestly built up again, it was a bit blah. I want to know the ending, but while I was hopeful for Vlad and ecstatic for Ven, I’m more or less okay we’re going to get a ton of backstory in the next book or what, not that I like Vas and Vika but he agrees with that himself. I wish that we got more on Kira Baskin though her scenes were hot but most importantly of all I dream that The V Games were longer and brought into more detail, though it was incredible.

How many times have I said The V Games, Diana fighting for her life and the goings on of the battlefield, I thought it would be more only one person gets out alive sort of deal but the fact that people were going in for the fun of it all. As far as fun, a ton of sex that I can’t pick only one scene, the Madmen, Ven and Diana, the prisoner either Kira and Diana would be enough to rev up anybody and leave you wanting even more. Diana and Vika’s vengeance; after the brutality of everything that happened to them it was well served and perhaps the grandest victory besides The V Games of course of the first two novels that I’ve read.

Those last pages *sigh* do not get your hopes up though I’m sure that other people loved it, compared to the rest of the novel it fizzled out but stopping at Diana’s victory, vengeance, or validation might have been perfectly acceptable. If she learned her lesson before being thrust into Hell itself though it was the greatest thing ever *sigh* they say men never learn so I must ask this, Ven Will These Women Learn?

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

As the song goes, don’t dream it’s over but my dream last week did nothing to ready me for what I would face this week though I am trying to figure it out, these hands have been bawled into fists or clutching weapons. “An Hour Of Will”

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Episode 104 ~An Hour Of Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How to make One Million Dollars, it would help if I went to work, and I have faith if I could ever get my writing down that I would be so much better off, or at least that was the dream. Speaking of which, since I had that dream Sunday, I have lived the nightmare, and I’m still trying to figure it out, but my sleep has returned to a state of nothingness; every so often I am even able to forget the trouble I am in this week, the next, never?

You see now I think the hospital symbolizes that somebody was going to get hurt, and nobody would believe this if I told them but if you compare me and that asshole you see he would have fought to win, but you know how violent I go Lady Lu… Didn’t I say the smallest dog has the loudest bark but “my bite” what else do they say; the fact that I was running in a hospital shows that I didn’t plan on dying, I Don’t Fear The Reaper, death is afraid of me I know.

“It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” ― Mark Twain (Found On Goodreads)

“In this life now, you kill or you die…or you die and you kill” TWD

Others might think I’m losing my head Lady Luna and in a way, I am because what’s my new favorite word… RAGE is making me forget all common sense; I need my job and hell how long was I in college anyway, maybe I was running away from wisdom in the dream. Then again why is it that all supervillains seem to be “wicked smart” if I had fought, already I know exactly how I would have beaten that bastard, it’s like something out of Detroit: Become Human and talk about stupidity, if I got fired though I definitely would have gone on a shopping spree to cheer myself up.

I have no problem with telling you what I would do afterward, fighting that trash though you see he would have been brawling. Instead, I would have been… I can’t say it because that would get flagged as something else, which is why I write fiction mostly. Killing fictional people is so much simpler, and I have no problem baring that part of myself to you or maybe I let my emotions get the better of me at work and I let them see the beast, a peek, a glance.

The time I have spent being angry and afraid, when like Barney Stinson I could be awesome, which is about as much positivity that you’re going to get from me today but what do you think of my dream interpretation but An Hour Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

It won’t be a best seller or some grandiose poem, not some song lyric that everyone gets wrong on Youtube, how a movie line that shows how the guy gets the girl *sigh* nope it will be how I didn’t get into a fight at work. “File It Under Will,” FAME.

Friday, October 12, 2018

Episode 103 ~File It Under Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How to make One Million Dollars, because I’m not as young as I used to be and if I’m reading all this political mumbo-jumbo right, I won’t be seeing any social security checks; one more reason I should have died young. I’m aging like crazy from worrying about the day job, and now I have two whole days to think about what’s going to happen next, and it feels like I am always writing lousy news, unfortunately.

At this rate I may not have a choice but to write but you know I’ve never been published before or hell I thought I was at one point and how did that turn out for me… as always I should be grateful for what I have now, back then I was begging for a laptop. “Indiana Gone” is perpetually busy with her paperwork, but I haven’t dealt in honest to God paper in forever until Tuesday, and strangely enough nobody ended up bleeding, but the words fell all the same. One way to kill the spirit my Lady, doing what I love in the place I hate, and what about when I went on that yearlong tirade of poetry that barely received any recognition, but then there’s a whole notebook that’s sitting in a college filing cabinet somewhere. There’s even more ramblings with the police, more Inspector Echo’s thing.

My point for today is merely the fact that the only writing of mine that has blown up, in my face, is anything that gets me into trouble and this week I brought it on myself but what choice did I have? The battle cry of the truly committed because when you find your purpose (burned through my motivational playlist) you have no choice but to do it and isn’t that where we find ourselves on day 468 but how long have I held the day job… I saw on a plaque that I have worked there for five years, though at this moment it’s over seven years and I may have ended it with the stroke of a pen.

May I be so loyal to writing as I have been to that place, my hands cracking and bleeding but at least I’m not like one manager, writing about how I was hurt at work but wasn’t I Lady Sophia? Hurt feelings right, maybe I should stick to nonfiction these days, I mean all you have to do is bleed right, and in my fictional stories it’s never me that does the bleeding but in reality, File It Under Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

Fire burns until there is nothing left and since there aren’t kisses coming in my direction or candles igniting, these flames are left to burn; no I’m not carrying the fire I’m being engulfed by a worse desire. “And Find Will’s Remote”

Thursday, October 11, 2018

Episode 102 ~And Find Will’s Remote~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How to make One Million Dollars, well I don’t spend any on BDSM leather, and other than condoms I don’t know much about latex, but before I even knew what it meant being “dominant,” I learned one word… CONTROL. When I was young, hell even today, I have issues with anger, now to me RAGE equals ENERGY, and since violence gets frowned upon and I can’t sleep how do I expend it, those days I cleaned.

I can feel your anger. It gives you focus… makes you stronger. ― Supreme Chancellor, Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005)

It was all I had Dirty Diana, but if I could have a clean environment, it would clear my mind, I suppose it was a form of control, and in my day to day life I have so little of that but the ability to focus… I let go of everything, fear, hatred, this rage that has engulfed me except I don’t have anything to tidy here and at work, that’s the problem; sex and violence, you see with sex I want complete control, I may be “kinky” according to some women, okay, but I maintain control because there’s life. With fury at another man I don’t give a fuck; with sex and my enjoyment of sadism, hurting a lady in certain ways is pleasurable to a degree but with violence against the men that have wronged me, there’s no pleasure, there’s madness, a beast and what he wants, I cannot speak, I mean honestly.

Now I’m not having sex with the ladies, and I’m forbidden to harm the “gentlemen” (those bastards) so no wonder the beast is at the gates, and the rage is overflowing, and that’s making me even madder because I’m being told to “be myself” again. Yes, they would make me a vagrant with no place, less verbose in my language, the victim. Not sounding very sexy I know and yes I’m repeating myself, but it’s one of the reasons I’m in the lifestyle, to make someone feel as though they have a purpose and at the same time powerless, and to have a peek at the real them. Death is but a parody of life, I can get the thrill in my rage against a bully but what is the opposite of it, calm, clarity, contentment but that requires containment.

Graves can do that, so can a girl’s clothes if you tie her up in them, some might even put their faith in God but I’ve got nothing but Rage and Pain, and the thing about that is, pain can be shared and can be good in some ways. When you ignite that hurt though; when you make someone fear and hate, you can’t control them, and for damn sure you’re not in control of yourself, I must manage the beast, And Find Will’s Remote.

I Will Have No Fear