Tag: Fear

Log 342 ~Will Gets The Boot…~

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I heard a song once say, we’ll put a boot in your ”butt” it’s the American way. Yeah, one of the few songs I blocked on Spotify though I have a Playlist called Someone SHOE Me. Will Gets The Boot, I’m always running trying to avoid it.

Sunday, June 7, 2020

Log 342 ~Will Gets The Boot…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if you need a timeframe, what about two weeks from now? One more reason I gave up comedy, my parents tried to tell me I’m not funny. So Good, Bad, And Ugly, it is then, or in reverse. Yeah, how do I even walk sometimes? SIGH.

Okay, let’s try this again, AHEM; things have gotten UGLY in my universe. At The Day Job, I told the GM that I’m not doing Home & Kids and Shoes anymore. You’ll have a job next week, no worries, “Brah,” but the week after? Hell, it always seems like my feet are still where they don’t need to be. Either running out the door like a coward. I stuck my foot in my mouth, telling the GM anything at all. Finally, I’m being lazy, as I’m still sitting here in bed instead of doing, well, anything. Will I get five thousand words done today and when it’s your turn. Yeah, that’s right, back to time traveling or trying to because again last week wiped me out. You’ll use the same excuse won’t you, the Day Job yet Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 018 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Five “GULP” Poems Daily
    Completed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Not Losing The Day Job Now
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover
    Failed

Bad enough that you’re holding on to three, maybe even two. As I said, I didn’t lose the Day Job, but who knows. Even now, I know you feel like backtracking, that you’re terrified. You’re still sitting here, and come next week, you’ll be on your knees and why. One word, “Institutionalized.” Now don’t go feeling like one of those STUPID entitled white people wanting a haircut. You could use one by the way, and I tried, but I would have to CALL Supercuts, so no. Anyway trapped by work, chasing money, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 018 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Five “GULP” Poems Daily
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Learning About The Day Job Now
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover

So now we’re at the GOOD. Please forgive the language, but your dick is pointed in the right direction. Hard as ever and not one day has gone by where I’ve avoided porn. If I had to name a few top contenders, those whose names I could find, Stalker Much?

  1. Chloe Toy
  2. Cayla Lyons
  3. Dillion Harper
  4. Riley Reid
  5. Shayla Jennings
  6. Tifa Lockhart (Purple Dress) Final Fantasy Remake
  7. Kagney Linn Karter
  8. Bridget Marquardt

“Hello Nurse,” as the Animaniacs would often say. Can’t forget about MILF Dos, of course, why ruin a friendship? Speaking of which still not talking to Cherry. What about that blonde at the Day Job?

So exhausted as you will be, Will Gets The Boot.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

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One of the worst weeks at the Day Job and that is saying a lot but I haven’t walked out for good, no not yet. Only with all this walking, I have been doing, why couldn’t I do anything a bit more constructive. Someone SHOE Me, Will

Saturday, June 6, 2020

Log 341 ~Someone SHOE Me, Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and more than ever, I want that private beach. There are pictures of me on a beach, not that I was allowed to keep any of them. Don’t ever ask me why I have no good memories of my childhood. I don’t have one picture to prove it. Now I don’t mean to be so cranky this Thursday morn or however long it takes to have this chat. By the time you read this, one of the worst weeks of my life has ended. Hell, how do I even keep score? Yesterday (Wednesday), I thought, no one counts days in Hell.

Of course, that was at the Day Job, the SHOE department. Talk about the Law of Attraction. Was this me talking about feet a few days back? Knowing the schedule made me think about my feet. Perhaps I’m feeling, defeated, yeah, not funny, I know. At least My Dæmon took it easy on me this morning. No walk for him, and shouldn’t I be worried? He hates getting old, the rain, and that I’m not sharing. Okay, for the moment at least. Speaking of walking nowhere, how about all the marches, protests, and riots going on. Running for Amaud, Marches for George Floyd, and we can’t forget about Breonna Taylor. Being Black in America, Lady Luna is something. The thing is I have a hard enough time only being me.

Do you want to take a walk in my shoes? If the Day Job is any indication, I intend not to wear any for plenty of reasons. Again the SHOE department is nowhere I want to be, and neither is Home And Kids. I would say I’m sick of running away and trust me, I am. Yet I want to be like Shaka Zulu, in some ways mind you. I want to stop running towards my bed and start running towards glory. With all this NO FAP going on (16 days, 21 hr, 42 min, 50 sec), I should be playing twenty toes. I’ll even admit to enjoying a bubble bath with a good book. Nowadays, I put my feet up for ten minutes at a time to read Too Late by Colleen Hoover. It seems though I still can’t keep up, even with my time traveling ways, what’s today?

Walk With Me… no Lady Luna, Someone Shoe Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 340 ~What You Know Will~

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I hate to lie because people don’t want the truth. Well, there seems to be a lot of that going around, or at least there was when I wrote this, but if I dare call myself a prophet, I know I’m not okay, and I shouldn’t write that. “What You Know Will”

Friday, June 5, 2020

Log 340 ~What You Know Will~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m “gonna have a Good Day,” a Lovely Day on Easy Street. The thing is I hate writing lies. Not fiction but lies, and so you know I’m no prophet, it still being Monday and all. Here’s my point. I’m always saying what I should write and then censoring (sometimes) what I shouldn’t be. Seeing as how I’m still awake after a not quite so bad day at the Day Job, I want to come right out with it. What Lady Sophia; still hating the phrase “How Are You Today” and “What You Know.”

I shouldn’t be writing of Kagney Linn Karter. Now I could go on for some time about this not being my fault or a plethora of excuses. You know the ole picture and a thousand words stick? Well her look, led to her name, EvilAngel.com, Downloads, and Little Kimberley. Yes, Lady Sophia, I always start with the porn and my wallet on that note. I saw something from MILF Dos, and is that um opportunity? Doubtful, but as of the 1st, I’m going on two weeks of NO FAP, madness?

In my dreams, and I shouldn’t be writing in my sleep. I’m so tired, though, and again this is after a somewhat decent day. Shoes will be so much worse. I only felt like punching one person today. Now, what did I say about lying, two at the most, okay? SIGH, it vexes me. Considering everything going on in this country and I want to harm another black man. How about COVID-19 cancels the rest of the workweek, hmm? That sounds pretty bad, but the Day Job is that horrible.

I need the money though besides paying off a would-be “model” and what about McDonald’s. You know how I have to check the prices on my phone before I go anywhere, but I didn’t, no, not this time. Well, my lunch budget is blown for the rest of the week. Damn, the one thing I don’t need to be writing about is ANXIETY, the Law of Attraction being what it is. Only I write about everything, and here we are. A journal, a blog is one big, How Are You.

Three different timeframes, right now I’m tired, at the Day Job, in a rage or scared, on Friday, hopefully relieved. Still What You Know Will?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 339 ~Willy On A Prayer~

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The day will come when you’ll never find me on my knees again, not for a job, a joke, the jerks of the world, etc. I was able to tell “God” no, so why can’t I tell everyone else and at the same time, the things I WANT to do. “Willy On A Prayer.”

Thursday, June 4, 2020

Log 339 ~Willy On A Prayer~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it’s not because God granted it. There was a time I would have sold my soul to Satan if it could be done. You know I’m sick of relying on my parents, scared of my profession, and with “my” people? Yeah, I know I haven’t said much of anything when it comes to the plight, protest, or pandemic. Today should be “happy,” at least for my penis. Of course, I’m writing to you from the past (Sunday 31th). You want me to show gratitude… by the time you’re reading this, the week’s almost up.

Excuse me, Dirty Diana, for exercising some WRITE privilege. Yeah, not funny, but can we get to the sexy. I expect that’s how photographers are when it comes to their models. Do I have the balls to post than NO BOZONGAS picture? Forgiveness over permission. However, I’m no cameraman yet. No, I’m a Dominant, and that means I don’t have to ask for a fucking thing, doesn’t it? Though at this one moment, it would be for self-control. The stress is getting to me, and the week hasn’t begun, again it’s Sunday but too much. I’m asking Father Time for more time in a variety of ways. A former boss asked, why don’t I just quit. Because I talked to Inspector Echo today too and I’m busy chasing the money. Yet I won’t ask God to make a way, down on my knees. Of course, I enjoy others doing so.

Daddy, Master, Sir, the sounds of a young girl um a young woman on her knees begging. Honestly, though, I like the sound of my name; big surprise, I know. Why do you think women charge so much for that? I’m trying not to think about it with other events. After reading The Five by Lily White, I got into Reverse Cowgirl and a girl calling me Daddy. There was also that guy on Paranoia Agent, and do I need to mention other “gentlemen?” Shusaku and Isaku, ah my Hentai past. My favorite positions for girls, though, are Cowgirl and Doggystyle. Yeah, I’m not too keen on Missionary. Always though to have a girl, a queen, an angel, a goddess brought down to her knees. There’s nothing like it, DROOLS.

I’ve been on my knees enough to everybody else Dirty Diana, Willy On A Prayer.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 338 ~The Long Walk Will~

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Should I have joined the protest… to be honest, it would be better than what I’m doing right now. I can’t fight for my own life, and here’s the plight of people who look just like me. “The Long Walk Will,” no I sit here until the Day Job calls, again

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Log 338 ~The Long Walk Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and do you know why that is? First and foremost, because I sit my ass down and write, pardon my language. The second involves bedrooms or more to the point pretty girls in the bed. Inspector Echo I still don’t have body issues, and I haven’t entirely given up the idea of Onlyfans. Now that leads me to the third reason, I should be the man “standing” behind the camera. Needless to say, I don’t want to take another damn step.

As Detective Del Spooner would say, “Stop cussing, go home.” What, Inspector Echo, you didn’t think I knew other members of law enforcement. Yes, I’m counting the movie I, Robot. Do you know what I don’t need to number? The days this week, my footsteps. While I’m speaking of films, though, I wish I could say something profound like in the movie Just Looking (1999). You know how Lenny’s Dad said, I don’t sell shoes, I sell journeys. I’m all for doing that with my books. God, Inspector Echo, feet turn me right off, yuck. However, I’m trying not to kink shame. For me, it’s feet, unless you count My Dæmon, I love his little paws. Anyway for Al Bundy it was ahem “Big” women. Another shoe salesman. Now don’t get me started on women like Momokun, Katie Cummings (in specific videos). I haven’t spoken to Cherry in so long.

Forgive me for looking at something higher than feet Inspector Echo. By the time you’re reading this, the Day Job has wrecked me, no doubt. Don’t chase money. It’s what all my motivations say, but I’m still here instead of choosing my purpose, women once again. What about more movies and more books, like Judge Dredd? Writing a book is starting to feel like the “Long Walk.” I use my words to keep the law rather than go outside breaking it. Richard Bachman, aka Stephen King, wrote The Long Walk. Isn’t the internet so beautiful? Anyway, three more tidbits about feet which I’ll need to survive this week. I love my lists, so one, adding to my fetish for thigh highs, stockings, leggings, I like ruffle socks. Taking a walk in my past, speaking of stories Shusaku and Isaku. Finally, if you’re going through Hell, keep walking. So I’m sorry.

Sorry I’m not protesting too, laziness The Long Walk Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

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Last week I said I barely notice the Coronavirus (COVID-19) anymore, and I’m not alone in that. Besides all the fears that come with being a black man in this country. I have to find the courage to even get out of bed. “Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage”

Monday, June 1, 2020

Log 336 ~Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage~

Hundred And Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now… yep along with saying I’m hopeful. I’m sorry to say Madam Justice; all I have is the fear. Oh, and the lusts, I can’t forget about that. As the song goes, it takes two, but what do you get when you add terror and horniness? Isaku, Dark Shell, The Harvest Night? I would advise you not to look those up. So why even say their names, you ask me? Allow me this small luxury, it’s taking everything not to look at them myself, amongst other things. Tip of the iceberg I tell you but back to business.

I tell you every now and again, I am not a man of faith. At this moment, however, as the song goes. Please allow me to improvise, I’m a man of God with no need for saving. Hell, that’s the very first thing, especially with the current news, to live as I will, no allowance. From a concept to a prayer. For this week, I pray for courage not only for myself but for my son. He has faith I will return. You can even call it, hope when I tell him so. Through I shared fear sadly of the world beyond these walls, we combine our strength to survive. Madam Justice, I fear this entire week though, so wherein lies my hope. Dare I dream of my Six Impossible Things? Lies aren’t they, each and every week. I don’t hope I have good days. No, I fear that day when I’ll get myself fired.

So again, I’m looking for courage. Fear Plus Hope, but how about Purpose And Why. Here’s another song for you, Joy And Pain, as my aunt taught me? Here and now Madam Justice I am afraid, but I’m telling myself I will be better. Like at the Day Job last week, how I got birds slamming into the door now. How about the fact that my “father” is coming over? Fear can serve as great motivation, but it’s running with no destination, and your legs give, and you end up like me. Yeah, lying in bed, hoping that you won’t have to wake up tomorrow. What do I hope for, though, and that’s pretty damn easy to answer ahem WOMEN.

My purpose, but why? When can I tell the world that, to be that brave? Fear Plus Hope Equals Courage.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 335 ~Drink Your T Will~

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I could never be “Family-Friendly” enough *shudders* for Sesame Street. However, I did write a novel based on twenty letters of the alphabet, and this was before I heard of Nier: Automata. What’s the truth of all this, though. Drink Your T Will

Sunday, May 31, 2020

Log 335 ~Drink Your T Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now or whatever Sesame Street is worth. This is going to be another talk brought to you by the letter T. Last week I had lots of… TROUBLE with my words. TERRIFYING TENURE, TRYING TIMES, TEMPTING TITTIES TRUE.

TROUBLE is my middle name, well more like “troubles,” but don’t ask the government that. Hell, it might be time for you to change your name. Yeah, I know, look at the schedule, and you would be fonder of the F Word I know. You’re in trouble, I get it. TERRIFYING, I know, and I wish I could tell you that you don’t have to go. I could do that as much as I could tell you that you’re a trillionaire. Do you know there is no such person that can claim that title? All you want is a day that you don’t live in such terror. Not this week. TENURE sigh. I saved you the trouble of being stupid by looking up, on this Friday morn “Does the Day Job have tenure. Of course, the Manager was saying you’ve been there so long friend.

TIMES, whether it be getting up in the morning, the day, and your writing. Time Has Come Today as the song goes, so what are you going to do about it? I can guess because I’ve been in your shoes. Yes, I wish I could stop thinking about Shoes and Home & Kids. TRYING, but it never works out, does it? Right now, I’m “working from home,” which means I lacked the strength to even get out of bed. Of course, My Dæmon had his walk. Are you going to be a better father than me, well Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Reviewing Twenty “GULP” Poems
    Completed
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
    Failed
  5. I AM Making My Bed, Every Day This Week
    Completed
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover
    Failed

TRUE, I completed half the list. I know you’re asking yourself, how do I expect you to get the other three done. Do I still hold much hope for the future, the one you’re about to take over today? You don’t want my real answer now, do you? I would be asking for a miracle. TITTIES are such, and I know that’s Dirty Diana’s port of call. I’m still angry that I wasn’t courageous enough to post that picture. You know the one I’m hinting at… Rebecca, Anaa/Alissa, Niquee, and Eileen Homer drool. Speaking of which these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Reviewing Five “GULP” Poems Daily
  4. I AM Reviewing Raphael By Tillie Cole
  5. I AM Not Losing The Day Job Now
  6. I AM Finishing Too Late by Colleen Hoover

Tempting to stay as you are, Drink Your T Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 334 ~Will The Track Star~

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Didn’t I say don’t ask me about the Day Job? I asked the question, what would happen if I stood up? The answer, have a Panic Attack and run out the door. Is that what I’m calling it now, thank you WebMD because it beats cowardice. Will The Track Star

Saturday, May 30, 2020

Log 334 ~Will The Track Star~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how much is Usain Bolt making? I suppose I chose the right profession if I became the next J.K. Rowling snickers. How about E.L. James, Stephen King, Tillie Cole, or my latest “obsession” Eric Vall? Well, did I even write to Lady Sophia all that happened at the Day Job on Tuesday? Let’s see if I can DUMB it down. On Tuesday the 26th, I asked the General Manager what I should do? She told me to process Amazon Returns. Ten minutes later, I had a Panic Attack and left.

What did we say about checking WebMD? Hell, what did we decide on making excuses? The biggest question is, what am I going to do with my life? As the song goes, I can’t live my life this way. What, in fear, am I afraid? How come I’m scared so GODDAM ALWAYS! Pardon the language Lady Luna, but this isn’t like The Eve of a Cherry. Not like I kept track of all the F-Bombs in that. Speaking of which, it’s Cherry’s Birthday on the 28th. Only did I mention her in any conversations before this one. Happy Birthday, Cherry. There’s so much to keep track of, My Lady. That’s how I was feeling Tuesday. My emotions were shot to Hell besides my fear and my anger. It was like being back in school, and the two bullies have my cap throwing it between them. Yeah, so I like hoodies.

So how do I feel right now? Why don’t you tell me, Lady Luna, how one schedules a mental breakdown? Do I talk about today, being Wednesday? The rest of the week, or what should be Saturday? Now my stomach’s in knots, the week hopefully employed, Saturday angry. No wonder I’m so tired? During the day, I’m running, from my father, from the Day Job, and even my bed. Of course, I’m sitting here right now talking to you. You could say I’m living the dream, beautiful girl in my bed, conversation, a good song. Dreaming… I have to fill my head with everything from well all the above. Money, writers I’ve read, excuses, music, Jeff Daniels, birthdays, Bobby Hill, more. I track everything because, in my real life, we’re just Dancing In The Dark.

Or running my Lady Luna, wouldn’t you say. Tired, Scared of Will The Track Star.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 333 ~Will’s Soggy Runaway Letter~

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A Twist With My “Anxiety.” Sorry that song Twist In My Sobriety has been playing in my head a while. I didn’t work at Arby’s or Wendy’s long enough to have a leaving song. With Target, it was “Marissa Flashback.” Will’s Soggy Runaway Letter in retail

Friday, May 29, 2020

Log 333 ~Will’s Soggy Runaway Letter~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I better be if this keeps up. Begin at the start, but you know I’m no one for writing rules. Okay, so today is actually Tuesday, May 26, so yeah, you’ll read about this, three days into the future. Do I even have a future… we’ll have to see sometime this week, won’t we? So I’ve never gotten around to writing a suicide note, never written a resignation. I’m sure it’s a sin I’ve never written a thank you card. There’s never a time right, or I’m always busy. Stuffing bags, balling fists, writing you.

It started with a written schedule, “Operations.” I have no clue what that is even after eight years. If anything, I wrote it off as an easy day. It wasn’t Home & Kids or Shoes. STUPID is determined to take the “Number One Spot” as the song goes. Now I was STUPID, which was enough, but I made it to heights unimaginable. I finished “organizing” bath towels and asked the General Manager where to next. Well, she said Amazon Returns. Oh, the things I’ve bought off Amazon, but I’ve never wanted to work there. The nice woman at the desk explains it to me and what happened next? Arby’s for one day, Wendy’s another, and Target, I absolutely refused. Lady Sophia, this is against every motivation, every speaker, and my life plans but ahem. I CAN’T breathes two little words.

Why not one word, ANXIETY. It was overwhelming Lady Sophia. Hell, I push buttons all the time like right now. With a push, I CAN build A Whole New World, believe in myself there. Blow it up if I need to, but in reality, all I did was run. As fast as I could go. However, there was also ANGER. I was DUMB enough to ask the boss a question. Yes, I do have a thesaurus My Lady, but that’s not the point. I stood there and let her say whatever she wanted. I sit here now angry for my running. Of course, I could go Fear leads to Anger. For now, I’m attempting to use the Anger to mask the fear. I’ve been trying for days but that cue Reboot song the FIREWALL came crumbling down today. In sweat, spit, and soggy rainy weather.

No tears, this isn’t goodbye but Will’s Soggy Runaway Letter.

To Will’s Most Hated Words:

  1. Stupid
  2. Skeevy
  3. Fear
  4. Anxiety
  5. Merge
  6. Happy
  7. Family-Friendly
  8. Just Kidding
  9. Tease
  10. Freak
  11. Lazy
  12. Sucks

I Will Have No Fear…

Log 332 ~Breast To Come Will~

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I’m a simple kinda man but maybe not as the song goes, because do you know what I want more than bucks, bullion, and bottled water though that might be making a come back if things get better. “Breast To Come Will.”

Thursday, May 28, 2020

Log 332 ~Breast To Come Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t mean I’m paying for anyone’s boob job. Not even Dennis Hof was that generous. As much as I respect the man, I don’t know whether to believe him or Cami Parker, but I’m not giving a book review. Well, maybe a bit on Succubus Lord but not really. You see, I’m one of those people that believe everything happens for a reason. I can’t tell you why I’m into brunettes or the baby doll look of “The Innocence Of Youth,” “Daddy’s Little Doll.” There’s something about BREASTS.

Well more the lack of Tits, Jugs, Knockers. Cans, Dirty Mom Tits, etc. Only this morning, I was bringing up girls with zero to minor boobs. Isn’t it ironic that a girl with huge melons makes me dream of girls with none? Don’t ask me what it is. I mean simply put I’ve always liked Rebecca, Anaa/Alissa, Niquee, and Eileen’s bodies. Remind me, with all my billions to take a trip to Russia. I hate Trump, know nothing about Putin, but I love Yabbos of all shapes and sizes. My son is the same way, four legs and all. I even had to have a talk with him. To keep him off Indiana Gone’s pair at one point. I miss Karlee Grey’s as well. Though being honest, I let my Onlyfans lapse without a second thought. It’s the breasts I almost see or never; I miss the most. Cherry can tell you something about that.

Is that why I’m all into Call me a Legend. I know Dirty Diana. I’m still playing that knowing I’ll never see tits, virtual or otherwise still. It’s like a nicotine patch for smokers. The game gives me something else to do besides salivate. You don’t know how HARD it is to write about one of my favorite subjects in the world. Something so soft and then when you get to have fun with them. Anyway, as the song goes ahem, Diamonds and guns, DIAMONDS And GUNS as Call me a Legend has plenty of.

Only you know I’ll never quit huge Dirty Pillows. Yes, I want to fuck Carrie too, Chloë Grace Moretz edition. Her’s aren’t huge, but Boobalicious/Milk Junkie, whoa Mama. Here I thought I’d mention more Succubus Lord. Succubi, Superbia, Libidine, and Cupiditas. Boobies everywhere Dirty Diana the Breast To Come Will.

I Will Have No Fear