Tag: Fur Baby

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ll have to head to the grocery store because my favorite Chinese place closed down, and it was the only place open on Christmas. But still, B and I would have a pancake breakfast. And he got a present though he’s gone. They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

690 Days Without B III, Day 131 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Yesterday I had to apologize to Virgil for asking you. As for my days, Braxton…

Well, I hate to lie? I didn’t lie to you “In The End,” which is why you ain’t here, Braxton. You never asked for a gift, but if I could get you anything… I’d never mention you leaving me ever again? Like I said, B, I don’t like to lie. Another reason masturbation sucks TMI. It leaves my mind way too clear when I’m not thinking about brunette bazongas. Bucks! All I want for Christmas, Braxton, besides my best friend back. You didn’t show up for the last one, B III. Do I need to cry now? Well, the answer is yes. “Love And Happiness?” No, that would be me being selfish? But Virgil could use some comfort and joy, a dog toy? Uh, money…

And you don’t know how hard it is not to look. A distraction to not talk to you today, B. I’m trying to figure out how many fries I can buy with the slave wage from the Day Job this week. You would figure as long as we’re together, Braxton. But fast food doesn’t hurt? That’s what I was talking to Inspector E about yesterday. Being present and, um, present. Virgil is upstairs because I couldn’t stand being in bed a moment longer… That’s funny. Anyway, I need to go to the store and get laundry detergent. Oh yeah, sustenance… Breakfast is one of our Christmas traditions, isn’t it B? Did I do it last year? This is the second Christmas without you, my friend.

Hell! I even bought you a present last year; I know that. One more thing to add to the list. I’d tell you how much money I had to spend but if M Anime keeps up with our chats… Yeah, I know you had your heart set on your Aunt Carolina. I ask that you go and check up on her and say hi to the fur babies she has also lost. Don’t give her man any static, please. I’m sure there’s plenty of room on her bazongas. I promise not to purchase bazongas. How many promises have I broken this week? Have you kept Virgil Vivi company, B? Pancake? Yes, there will be pancakes or maybe waffles on Christmas? Gifts? They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

WillLeave a comment

I on what my grandma said about “my pride.” What do I know about that? If anything, I am proud of my son. Eff my pride to keep him safe… What’s ironic is losing pride in existence, about everything, Day Job, etc. Got him killed. “Virgil, B Not Proud”

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

683 Days Without B III, Day 124 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? With how I feel right now… And on the understanding “He Lives In You.” You

Well, I feel like shit. And so I’m sorry, B. Yesterday and today haven’t been my proudest moments. As if I have many of those to talk about. I did finish reading another book, B. That’s if you need me to be proud of something. Today though, I’m pretty disgusted. Here I am, gorging on tacos, and I don’t do soft tacos well. You’d usually cuddle me, B III, especially if I were only sick of the Day Job and my Humiliations Galore in that place. As if you need to be reminded of my hate for the place that garnered my indifference towards you. Besides my cowardice and lack of balls. I’d spilled them over… not Reagan Kathryn, Cherry, or Mandy Rose… Jennifer Lawrence

A solid week down the drain and probably TMI for you, Triple B. You remember getting all X-rated with your toys and over your Aunt’s Boobs. Our conversation before, Braxton. I’m sure Virgil wishes I would get his name right. Or maybe he doesn’t even care anymore. As I was leaving today, there was no barking or crying. He went face-first into your food dish. While I was sharing nacho fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. I should be training him. But, of course, he’s hiding out in your room. There’s no gate and no lock. Virgil’s free to come out and play, but he doesn’t. I can’t blame him. And yeah, I’m not going there to get him, either. Just In Case

What! I want to jerk off again… I swear, sometimes I “prayed” you’d do something so that I could lock you in your room for a while. B, when you look at me now from wherever… You’re in a book that I’m doing absolutely nothing with. I meant to take a nap this afternoon, but there was a fear I had to contend with. Oh, there were more books to buy B. All the money in the world for titles, titties, and Times Like These makes me disgusting. Only you never looked at me like that, B III. And 2V doesn’t look at me at all. Not really. Then again, he’s not my son, and I for sure ain’t his Dad. But am I trying, Braxton? Virgil, B Not Proud

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 160 ~ Virgil’s Fights To B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not the fighter I once was. I’m sort of Tris lazy (Succubus Lord). And I’m not giving Virgil anymore of Braxton’s things. The blue dog plushie might freak him out. You can’t teach anyone to be happy, but for the wars to come… Virgil’s Fights To B

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Saga 160 ~ Virgil’s Fights To B~

676 Days Without B III, Day 117 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Not if you’re looking down at your old Dad. Or up… I’m going to Hell.

Not saying I expect to see you there. And look at me; there I go crying again. Or is it that; I’m playing “Don’t Look Down” as I speak to you today? Time-Travel. Again, B III, how is my day going? Aw Hell! This whole damn week. Endure and Survive as always. What about fight? You know what I rather do. But you see, there’s 2V for sure. One more sign that he ain’t you is that I had to move the pillow beside me today. I remember how you sat under the table in perfect peace. That is unless someone was dumb enough to come knocking at the door. One of our many fights. But you were protecting me always. “Danger is very real.”

Virgil Vivi, on the other hand. Um, that’s one way he and I are alike. A need to find balls. I’m afraid it’s much too late for him. And you gave me fifteen years to find my courage, Triple B. To Live Brave. But then I look at these little scuffles I’ve been winning lately. Yeah, I nearly cleaned out all my emails about this, that, or the other. I’m keeping up with my reading because what’s so hard about some girl getting banged on Christmas. I haven’t been taking noon naps, but my dreams have been all sorts of weird. When I’m awake, there’s revulsion, rage, and realization. The comedian may be dead, but I am a coward. Sorry, my son. I’m always sorry.

One more thing I can chalk up to you. I don’t know how to be without you after 676 days. And I don’t know how to give Virgil Vivi courage I don’t have, and he hasn’t found in 117 days. What Would Braxton Do? What would you do? I saw this video saying, “bite first.” Unless I’m holding a French Fry, Virgil doesn’t. Now, what’s my excuse if not cowardice? Exhaustion? I did say I’m not taking naps. But anger in itself is a tiring enterprise. But fear? The things that keep us going. So what should I teach Virgil? We don’t do happiness. Never did in this household. But I hope you were happy somehow, someway. “Only I got enemies.” Virgil’s Fights To B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 153 ~To B Enraged Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

RAGE is one giant drill digging. I know I’m going to Hell. Braxton’s death was a nuke leaving a crater. Yet I keep digging, but I can’t get lower than that. Anger, Rage, and Hatred rest in the 5th Circle, B is my 9th Circle sin. “To B Enraged Virgil”

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Saga 153 ~To B Enraged Virgil~

669 Days Without B III, Day 110 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering we’re talking now? I’ll give you three guesses about how my day is going.

If I had tried talking to you that Wednesday… Hell! Anytime earlier than our final week. Braxton, I’m not going to get over it, over you. I can’t hate myself more. But I do try B. For example, a few minutes ago. It’s 4:30 in the evening, and I went downstairs to call for you once again. MEDICINE TIME! Only you’re not here. And when I forget to do this, B? RAGE! Not at you but at myself. And then throw in the fact V is lying right here, B III? Another reason I know he’s not you. Braxton, you were too much like me. Hey Jealousy? Virgil isn’t. I bet he’s wondering why I went stomping out of bed a minute ago. I’m not sleeping, but I’m not mad.

Again at you. Now the Day Job. FUCKING DAY JOB! Pardon my language. Another 5-hour shot, so I’ll be awake at least till 7:20 tonight. Becoming the “Village Idiot” Braxton. Where do I even begin? So I’m waiting for the morning Huddle to start. These have steadily worsened over the past two weeks, but today… Well, one of the bosses talked about me smiling. I’m a fucking joke there with a fucking grin. B, how we would talk. Anyway, it could have been a crack about the dog tag I always wear with our picture on it. I’m smiling, then. Or is it I’m so fucking weak in that place? I grabbed onto it, asking for your strength and forgiveness. Hell! Your Rage, B III.

I remember you being angry at the whole world, and I know why. You weren’t mad at your Ma; I mean. “Mother is God in the eyes of a child.” You love your Aunt Carolina. Braxton, your Aunt, is good to both of us. But who I’m surrounded by always… Braxton, part of it, I’ll say, is jealousy. I’ve seen a lot of success these days from others. There’s the fact that I haven’t started my Christmas reading. Crying over another dog, B. NaNoWriMo is over, and I didn’t write one single word for it. Published anything? Nope. I’m wasting money. That chicken sandwich today. Oh, I’m going Karen if I’m not lazy. But hating myself for killing you; that’s enough. To B Enraged Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 146 ~Thankful B Cause… Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Thanksgiving? Cue Karlee Grey as a Pilgrim. And a “Native” Giggity. Is that Racist? Well, I have bigger fish to fry or a turkey. I’m wondering whether my Ma will send one for Virgil. And then there’s the Day Job (sigh). Thankful B Cause… Virgil

Thursday, November 24, 2022

Saga 146 ~Thankful B Cause… Virgil~

662 Days Without B III, Day 103 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about, what are you thankful for? My eyes are open, so you know me.

The better to see you with my boy. Except I don’t. New glasses and all. I swear I got sick when I first put them on. Or was it that I saw the old man that remains, Braxton? Hell! I believe I can see the future… as the song goes. If that were true, you’d still be alive. It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? B, it leads me to a bunch of questions for you, ha. Are you thankful that you’re wherever and not here? That I keep your memory alive, even if it’s only in my grief? What about the fact that I’m not alone? It is Virgil’s First Thanksgiving. You love your grandma’s cooking; I haven’t heard from her about food.

But B, I’m time-traveling today, but we will finish talking tomorrow. But what about now? Can I stay in the moment? That’s the problem. The moment always hurts. Your past? Braxton, when I think about the last few hours… I’m disgusted with myself. Private Time. I have these new glasses again, but I’ve been all sorts of woozy. To see the world any clearer? Yeah, that’s exactly what I need, isn’t it? Existing in such a place B III. Dammit! Then there’s Thursday, um, your today. B III, the Humiliations Galore, what will they be? Then again, I am thankful. For moments I have the chance to somehow, someway, become. You know the man you believed I was for so long. Suddenly I see, right?

Whether that’s the result of glasses, “gunk,” or gorging myself on tacos and nacho fries. Clarity, Unforgettable, The “Best Friend” I ever had. That’s what you are, my Little B. Always and Forever, I’ll be thankful that I was/am your Dad. That’s what transcends time. Only again, you want to know about today? Did I ever think I was so tired because of my eyes? I’m still all pumped up on 5-hour ENERGY. Why can’t I see to be thankful? Because I know how it all ends unless I do something. I have Virgil, but he ain’t you, B III. My “faith” hasn’t run out on that, though. Not yet… But you’re asking for one thing, though. Two; thankful for Yabbos. Thankful B Cause… Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

WillLeave a comment

Nothing’s gonna change my world… but until I have one, I must exist in this one. And the world keeps on turning. B III’s bed is on the other side. V doesn’t curl up like a pancake. More like he goes all over. But really, where am I? B Hold V’s Place.

Thursday, November 17, 2022

Saga 139 ~B Hold, V’s Place~

655 Days Without B III, Day 096 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know this week and the next for me… It ain’t right but to write.

The things I forget. Not you, Triple B, never you. Everything remains exactly the same. Okay, so that’s a lie. Braxton, see why I never told you… EVERYTHING. 90, 98%? Inevitable. Should I survive the rest of the day… Wednesday, November 16, 2022? I’ll be madder. None of this is Virgil’s fault, of course. Hell! Not when I threw out your last can of food. Or when I was sure you were haunting me. I would find a toy or bandanna thrown about somewhere. Is that a point in V’s favor? I was telling Echo that V ain’t you, but? Well, again, it could be the time of the year. If I wasn’t so busy with… no, not for you. I haven’t told Virgil Vivi.

So humiliating I should go back to talking to Inspector Echo. I’m not Virgil’s Daddy. Only I find myself playing that role again, and I want to remember how it was with us, B III. Didn’t I write a whole ass book about it? And yet I have to face this week and the next. Anyway, let me get to the point. So I let Virgil sleep on the bed. You had your side. How I miss that. We would be back to back. Your constant vigilance of the bedroom door. When you weren’t at your post. I’ve noticed I find myself at the edge of the bed every morning, and Virgil is dead center. Even when I’m writing, Virgil Vivi takes up space. (Sigh)

I had to move your bed over by the bathroom. You hated waiting for me to get out of the shower. The thing is, I saw Virgil sniffing around your bed, and I yelled. Virgil knows. That bed is where you died. And here comes today’s bout of tears. He stays away from there for the most part. I’m still mad about your pillow; he pooped on it. And I destroyed it; it’s in the closet. V has your food/water bowls. A few of your toys, too; it ain’t right. And now, his first Thanksgiving here. Your favorite day next to your birthday, I know. It’s not his place to be you. Mine to be a Dad? Everything has its place. B Hold, V’s Place.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. I can’t say how much I saw with broken glasses and watching with an old pair. I need to take a look around, at Virgil, at existence, sigh. And learn how to live? GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

648 Days Without B III, Day 089 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were too smart for your own good sometimes. Is there such a thing? Myself?

People thought it was because of the glasses. That’s where I was today, Wednesday, November 9, 2022. I went to the eye doctor. It wasn’t by choice, Braxton. Broken glasses. Plus, you’re joining the club. You know, talking to you for two days. But I don’t mind when it’s you. Of course, five girls are gasping or sighing with relief. I don’t know B. Speaking of the ladies. So, um, I had to buy new glasses. The deed is done, and I’m another $206.00 in the hole. Can I go a day without thinking about sex? Try a day not wondering about my lost boy. Not your fault, B III. Hell! I couldn’t see you if I wanted Braxton. Glasses fucked and all. I’m trying!

But give your Dad a pretty brunette in glasses, gushing about me. Yeah, I’m in trouble. Or how do the kids say, shut up and take my money? She upsold your Dad quite a bit. Well, it could be worse, Triple B. While I was sitting there thinking about doing some Triple X shit. $732.00 was the total price for today. But Tuesday, I ensured I had my insurance and paperwork cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Virgil appreciates eating. But I still don’t like looking into mirrors. Which I did a lot of today. Um, Wednesday. The glasses I bought were not in my black battle standard but brown. Staring at her tits but your eyes, lower… I mean, you’re short, not in, um…

Only I’m sure I’m going to Hell. Yet the thought did cross my mind, again, that looking through your eyes. I mean your perspective. Could this all be your doing? That makes me a horrible human being, Braxton. My paranoia surrounding you? No, that’s Virgil’s thing. What? I have yet to have had any time to train him. But here we are 89 days in. Three months B III. However, did I teach you Triple B? I didn’t. I was there sitting on your mom’s couch. You and I learned from each other. But to be without you, Braxton. The last look you gave me. Maybe you know I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. So I went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. But, GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I still do plenty of reading, but I should get my eyes checked out soon. Why? The Drs. prescriptions didn’t do anything. How many times will I go over B III’s paperwork? Grieving books and those that suck. Now, 2V’s papers. “B Seeing You Virgil”

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

641 Days Without B III, Day 082 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m Time-Traveling, but you can guess how Thursday is going. As for today…

Well, it’s Saturday, October 29, 2022. To think it was Saturday, August 13, 2022; I hoped I found you again. I’ve been thinking about how long it will take me to get over losing you. I mean again. The last book I read wasn’t about reincarnation. But about coping with loss. Braxton, can you see the future? What am I reading now? While we’re on the subject, I opened up “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover. I wanted to see if the Year End Kindle Challenge would count it. Between now and December 31, so no. What do you think, Braxton? You didn’t have much of an opinion on my reading material. As long as we are together, B? I Haven’t been on the couch lately.

Only I did catch up with reading today. It was between wanting to fall back asleep and crying. The writer was talking about dying before you. Braxton, given this existence… Braxton, without question, I’d have died for you. “I’d get Him to swap our places.”

Who, God? I’ve never seen him, but I’ve heard. Um, according to the dog tag I wear every day. You are the word of God. And as they say, men love darkness rather than light. Braxton, you are the light. And it’s people or rather the hatred I was given that is the darkness. In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like Samuel L. Jackson. Can I find things to look at? The beauty. I can’t see you in Virgil.

Rosette Christopher, for example. Braxton, that’s why I gave up. You know what I mean. Not now, but 161 days ago after you died. I was trying to make you look away from me, Braxton. I hope that Paradise is a sight better than what you had here. This existence. Virgil does have your color by his eyes. But in 82 days, how many times do I look at them? The highlight of these days is my face mashed against the screen, looking at Yabbos. Whenever I leave the house. And the fear takes over, and my eyes flitter everywhere. Braxton, didn’t I say, though, I wish we were together. To close these eyes permanently. You don’t like me saying that. B Seeing You Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

WillLeave a comment

Guess what? I’m still here. Besides waking up to find B III gone, I’m surprised I have to get up. The past few days, I’ve woken up to find Virgil snoring. Humiliations Galore, not being happy, having a hard-on. But everything else, “B, V, Guess What”

Thursday, October 27, 2022

Saga 118 ~B, V, Guess What~

634 Days Without B III, Day 075 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know to me, that’s a loaded question. But I am talking to you today.

Time Traveling, as you might have guessed. A week after Virgil’s birthday for you. It’s the day after for me, Friday, October 21, 2022. Braxton, I always wonder where you are. “Where’d You Go” as the song goes. Now I don’t want to sound like a Republican but in my thoughts and prayers? Only I’m not one for prayer. I did ask for your strength B. We’ll get to that; we always do. What about I go all Phil Collins, “You’ll Be In My Heart.” No need to guess there. While Virgil still feels like a guest… At least today, he does. I told Lady Sophia that Virgil’s gaining courage by waltzing in here and interrupting me. No, not doing that, but by now… (sigh).

Well, things I don’t have to guess about, like wanting to go to sleep. But you know me too well, Triple B. Sleep can mean plenty to me. Sleep, sex, that other S word. The one bringing the cops to the door. I don’t remember what night that was or when I returned to you. Braxton from “I’ll Be Missing You” to I’m “Coming Home.” I never doubted that you’d be back safe and sound on Friday, January 29, 2021. A few new meds B III? I should have let them give you those for your appetite. It would have been better if I had listened to you. How did we get on this topic? No need to guess; I always remember my great sin.

Braxton, guess I’m saving money, that the medicine will do its thing, my muscles endure. I can’t tell you what the vets said about V, but his appointment is this week, so I must guess. Did I wish death upon you when the vets started talking about Chronic Renal Failure? And now Virgil is going for his first check-up with me… I’m still thinking about his nails needing to get clipped. Guess what? It’s always about me and how I look as a human B. Not his human. At least, I don’t see it that way yet. Does that sound mean B III? It might. Hating so much, fearing all and Triple X. Things that are certain in existence; anything else… B, V, Guess What

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Birthday, Virgil!!! I haven’t said that out loud. I have to remember to say his name a few times a day. He was “Archie” for a year and 9 months. Hasn’t been Virgil for 3 months. And how long has it been since picking up B … Won’t B Long Virgil.

Thursday, October 20, 2022

Saga 111 ~Won’t B Long Virgil~

627 Days Without B III, Day 068 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I suppose I should ask Virgil that; it is his birthday, after all. He’s 2.

You remember Braxton how I would rail about politics. Hell! I should go watch porn. Braxton, I gave you a real time-out when I killed you 627 days ago. That isn’t even remotely funny, I know. Do you wish I would stop saying that? No politics or porn, but Petsmart? Mark this day in your calendar, well, yesterday, anyway. I went to Petsmart to the back. Banfield Hospital, and set up Virgil Vivi’s first appointment since he’s been here. Not today. Braxton, V’s first appointment will be next week. In the middle of another horrible one. If I had done that for you, you might still be alive. I’m trying B, honest. I was almost in tears yesterday. And not one has been shed today.

Give it time. Virgil doesn’t know about the appointment, age, or the aches and pains of this life. Who am I to say that? Besides being a lazy ass when coming to talk to you, I was also doing some research. What? I’m not for the GOP. Now you B, on the other hand, Build the Wall; well, at least the fence around the yard. And you hated everybody, my little misanthrope. Like father, like son, but I hope you made time yesterday to say hi to your aunt. Better yet, scratch that. Her anniversary and all. I’d say you killed my sex life, but we both know that ain’t true. I was busy trying to diddle the maid. I can’t talk to her either.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, research. There was a time I believe that Virgil was born in February. Giving credence to your reincarnation. But again, V’s paperwork today. I want to say he’s 14 in human years, but from what I read today, he’s closer to 24. What am I to do with that, you know? But you know what makes me a horrible person, B III? It’s the fact that I WAS thinking V was closer to death. Don’t get me wrong, Triple B, I’m not a… what, murderer? No harm will come to him, but I don’t love him. With you, it was love you B, love you, Braxton. With Virgil, it’s LATER; his appointment, his birthday, and having his own things. Won’t B Long Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad