Tag: Rainbow Bridge

Chronicle 065 ~B A Little Happy~

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I had little to no control over these ramblings, or so it feels that way. How do I feel today? Going to PetSmart today. Lunch with my bestie, my homegirl… is there a manly way to say that. What little cash for food and “Emergence.” “B A Little Happy”

Saturday, September 4, 2021

Chronicle 065 ~B A Little Happy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now; because is anyone a trillionaire? Do I need my expectations any higher? I’m not a Dad.

At least not anymore in the dog realm. Nowhere near the TRADITIONAL sense. But as has become my “New Normal,” I’ll stop by PetSmart today, then visit my second BFF. Lady Lu, I don’t mean to sound so down, and it’s only 7:45 AM. So yeah, I’m late as is. Feeling like The Priest from Romeo & Juliet “There art thou happy.” Don’t I need to go back and look up my most hated words? I’m sure Happy was on the list. When B lived? Was I happy, you ask? Hell Lady Lu, anything was better than this. For the past few days, I’ve been biting my tongue. Yesterday I finished the novel “Tampa” by Alissa Nutting. Writers aren’t meant to do as I am.

I mean to mince words for a small mind. Alissa didn’t, but every day I try to move a little bit faster. I make myself out to be smaller. And what, am I ashamed of all that I am? Lady Luna, you have seen what is becoming of this place. On Friday, I even tipped an OnlyFans creator to get my “Stuff And Thangs” promoted and expanded. A “Shower Cam,” yeah. Making money makes me happy? If it did, wouldn’t I feel something for the Day Job? Yet again, I left a note in an attempt to get out of a shift. Preparations for Emergence trouble. The second worse day of my life next to Sunday, January 31, 2021. On the 30th, I watched Braxton.

He wasn’t my happiness. How dare I, right? Nobody can make you happy, but you THEY say. Calm, Peace, Love, that was B III. I still hate the phrase “Live, Laugh, Love,” but to say B? The tiniest thing, and that’s the essence of man, I say. Fatherhood to Manhood. Titans gave creation to Gods. Those Gods made Men. Men sought power over everything, not knowing we gave our hearts to those we sought to own. Dogs? Conan The Barbarian? That’s one of the little things, Lu. At the Day Job, the first thing I would listen to is Braxton’s playlist. Now it’s TBR Schmitt’s reaction to Conan. I’m not happy. In fact, in this “Mad Season,” I feel STUPID. To B A Little Happy?

216 Days Without B III

Chronicle 063 ~B Selfish And Others~

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I didn’t eat dinner last night thanks to Burger King, eww. T.M.I., but at least B wasn’t here to suffer with me as I didn’t get any fries. Not that I needed them. Now an Emergence Day meal, I was selfish to the both of us 2020. “B Selfish And Others”

Thursday, September 2, 2021

Chronicle 063 ~B Selfish And Others~

214 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I would tell you about yesterday, but I’m trying to avoid institutions. And for today?

You are a selfish little S.O.B., you know that. Before you think I’m angry like I almost was with your Aunt Carolina Bound, for no apparent reason. “You & Me” always and forever, like Father, like Son. So you being selfish was learned from me. You are B. Every single day you remain the first thought. Whether the Day Job or waking late. I’m pissed at myself about yesterday, but it serves me right because of forgetting your fries… I was even reminded of your birthday, your Sweet Sixteen, and wanting to go crazy. Selfish to think there would be more time, and you always wanted more of mine. And sitting here at the dining room table thinking if I had kept my promises B.

Didn’t I give those out by the truckload but actually executing them. Bad choice of words but B III, yesterday I went to Burger King thinking I would have enough for some days. STOLE my money, got a STOMACHACHE, “dude,” you’d SAY, “where’s my fries.” Trust me, you didn’t miss anything and with what I did to you? 214 Days B III, and I continue to feel pain. Only like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting when he says, “My wife is dead.” I say, my son is dead; nothing beats that pain B. You’re gone, B III, I know. Everyone else knows too. A “friend” is sick of me talking about you. I’ll see your Aunt Saturday. M Anime says, bless your little soul.

What about mine, B? It’s getting around the time of “Emergence,” and I don’t have you to smother me. If my body is wracked in pain or lazy, what about my heart. My betrayal B. Saturday, I’ll be headed to PetSmart to pet the fur babies and then lunch with your Aunt and her hubby. A shared meal and there will be nothing for you. My Emergence Day meal B? How about my wish list? Your grandparents aren’t crazy enough to do some things. That dream I had a week or so ago meant I can’t be a dad. A Cuddle Clone, Stuff & Thangs? Fuck, I want my best friend back… you B III. Dance On Our Graves such selfishness. B Selfish And Others.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 058 ~Braxton’s Vigil, My Virgil~

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Am I going to have to write this whole dream out (yeah)? Well, if another fur baby came walking into my life, I have names. A boy “Virgil,” a girl “Beatrice,” which isn’t fair at all. Neither is waking up at 1:30 in the AM. Braxton’s Vigil, My Virgil

Saturday, August 28, 2021

Chronicle 058 ~Braxton’s Vigil, My Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but yesterday, “a day which will live in infamy.” I found I wasted ten damn years.

No disrespect to soldiers or even Sci-Fi as I was telling Carolina Bound and M Anime. My Day Job is a mix between going to Nam and being dropped into The Tomorrow War. Add to that being trapped and drowning. How do I survive? I had a son, my Braxton. Friday, August 27, 2021, hell Luna. I had B longer than I have been working in well, Hell. Then I wonder why I’m not running as fast home or to my writing. Hell is what I deserve. I believe that’s why I had that nightmare, but we’ll get to that. The Day Job, my God. Every time I go in the name of the game is this, don’t get fired. When Hell freezes over, right?

I thought I was dead last night. Some time ago, talking to Carolina Bound, I asked did she ever have a dream that she knew was a dream. With my own visions, it happened again. I found I was surrounded by people, so I unleashed black tendrils that were electrified. Them my sister was behind me, looking over my shoulder while I was looking at porn. You know the type. What I pay for, get creators kicked off platforms, foreign influences, etc. Next um, a phone rang, it wasn’t mine, ok Lu. At 1:30 AM, I’m “strapped,” as kids say. I’m stalking around the house, listening for the sound. Usually, this is Braxton’s job. If it’s “serious” again, I get my “gat.” Protecting us always.

So I fall back asleep, trying to dream of the guns in Far Cry 5. The monster gets in the house anyway (dreaming), and it’s my father carrying a dog made out of jelly beans. He looks like Braxton only, color coated, and I see B III on the floor. So the candy dog’s new. As I pull off jelly beans, there’s a furry dog underneath, orange, but the fur begins turning Braxton’s shade. Days go by, the dog becomes more and more like B but begins to shrink too. Like destroying/taking the Mind Stone from Vision, Wanda, or Thanos? Braxton is gone. If the dream and/or nightmare says anything, another dog, no, I can’t. But it’s Saturday. Petsmart then groceries? Braxton’s Vigil, My Virgil.

209 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 056 ~Hunger Of B’ing Well~

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Shut your pie hole, or to that effect. The things I would say to my boy when he barked about the neighbors, I’m not sharing, when I had to go to the Day Job. All I do is talk about B and eat French fries. Am I empty or full? Hunger Of B’ing Well

Thursday, August 26, 2021

Chronicle 056 ~Hunger Of B’ing Well~

207 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Apparently, you didn’t Thursday, January 28, 2021, and that’s when I noticed. You weren’t eating.

Like father, like son, things weren’t right. Here I am after 207 days, and I continue to ask what “it” was. The food, the water, what is it that Mcdonald’s sells that I can’t get enough of. Monday and Tuesday, I felt so bad, but I still ate it. A time to starve, hmm Braxton. With you B III, when your stomach was empty, you were still so full of love, light, and life. Now, what did I have them give you in return? I did ask, was there anything that could make your condition worse. If you weren’t suffering, then there would be drugs. Braxton, I would have let you stuff your face. You would have had all your favorites. Your sickness was physical.

Like father, like son, my Old Man didn’t understand me either. Who’s The Better Killer? This is the one time I wish I hadn’t won. Then again, who says I did? I believe taking a life is horrible, and other than some bug… B, your life was the first. That’s ironic, the one I love. To take someone’s body is another, and since I’ve talked to Lady Sophia already. Well, we don’t have to talk about a majority of my novels and the horrors done to women. Anyway, my point is, the destruction of the soul is the worse crime imaginable. Did I do that? Braxton, I am no Steve Urkle. Way before your time. Plus, I don’t want to be funny or to laugh.

Like father, like son, we were both super serious unless your aunt was around. She was the first reason I ever saw you stop eating. Again, not trying to laugh. Carolina Bound made you a cake and shared so much you had met your match. It took you days, Braxton. I’ve gone for about a week without eating. I don’t mean now. But when I got into it with my Old Man, with the Day Job. The day you left, I didn’t have a chance, so many people checking to make sure I was eating. B, you know I can’t stand liars or any stupidity. This leads me to this week, full of rage, regret, this raving lunatic’s stupidity. Full, empty, Hunger Of B’ing Well.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 051 ~To B A Winner~

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As the song goes, why do the things I hate come so naturally? In that case, I should learn to hate winning because losing is pretty easy. Hate my job; keep it. Love my dog, lose him. Writing is the one thing in balance… “To B A Winner”

Saturday, August 21, 2021

Chronicle 051 ~To B A Winner~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is that enough? Should I look up a trillionaire? Start with getting up on time.

Sure, when it comes to the Day Job that I hate. Earlier in the week, I set my alarms wrong, but I wanted to do something with my life, honest to God. But I made it to the Day Job. When it comes to disparaging myself. Oh no, I mustn’t be late for that. We only started talking, Luna, but how long will it be before I say something ugly about myself, I ask you? I killed my son. There it is, and how long has it been since I said that? We’re on Day 202. Living with Betrayal, Ninth Circle Treachery. I didn’t tell you last week about PetSmart. I’m sure I told one of the girls and Carolina Bound. Saturdays, PetSmart brings dogs.

I love Braxton. B III can’t be replaced. I can do my best Yoda impression or perhaps Mace Windu “he’s too old.” Of course, I’m talking about the dogs, more like he’s too big, hmm. B III spoiled me for small dogs and, in particular, Chihuahuas. An acquaintance offered me one, but you don’t start a conversation with “Where do you live.” Trust No One. Dammit, we’re not even having this conversation. I could find something else to do today. Yesterday I finally got to my Inbox. I could write about “Soulmates.” Finish a book. Think about my finances. Everyone’s predicting the end of days with OnlyFans. The new rules. It’s not like I made a dime. My mourning did cost me a pretty penny.

Not in a good way either, considering me being a monk and all and then not. I swear, everyone figured 2021 was going to be a new start. I’d kill to have 2020. Braxton was lived. But now, there is my fear of leaving the house. Agoraphobia; my Walmart accident. There’s what I was working on yesterday when everything I do should be for Braxton. Lady Luna, do I ever want to sign my name again to take on another life? After my B III. In the end, it doesn’t matter what I do. I write and never publish. Take my clothes off and so much for “Stuff And Thangs.” The one I love dies. It’s lonely at the top, but To B A Winner.

202 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

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Well, I’m saving a mess load of trees by not going through with publishing. I’m not annoying my neighbors, but I’ve cussed many men out for talking about B. And should I balk, bark, and bitch about that movie Soulmates? A Bark Named Braxton

Thursday, August 19, 2021

Chronicle 049 ~A Bark Named Braxton~

200 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know I buy fries as much for myself as I do for you, B.

If you were anyone else, what would I say? Today was terrible, horrible, it sucked? As usual, “Humiliations Galore.” I bring food home, and we both stuff our faces, and then I drift off to sleep. On any given afternoon, I crawl into bed. You hold back the world, B. By the time I wake up, we would talk about any number of things. Last night I watched the Gofobo film festival. There was one film, “Soulmates.” I’ve viewed some disturbing leanings but damn, Braxton. With trying to forget about that (and I shouldn’t, nor should anyone else). I ended up voting for “Don’t Forget To Tip.” Speaking of voting, you remember how I ranted. YouTube SIGH. I’m pretty much a crazy man now that you aren’t here to listen.

Of course, what do I call this then? I didn’t even take my nap today. Too busy crying. It’s been 200 days, and I even said I was going to cry plenty today. Once this AM, then when I was on my way back. I ain’t going to lie, once at the Day Job, then while I was sitting here. How I wish I could be all romantic, dramatic, and melancholy crying into your book. I tell you this B III, trees are a lot safer with me around than you. If you could have seen the backyard, I was literally growing trees. The last time the yard looked decent… Saturday, January 30, 2021, B III. Your last walk besides going to your water bowl.

I wish I had your strength and I could get your book published. Hell, I can’t even walk downstairs most days and set myself to write or indeed edit. “My Turn to B III” yeah. Only in my dreams, and I did dream about you Wednesday. All the visions I have written out. But I knew that I was dreaming when I saw you. You didn’t bark. What’s to interpret? I’ll leave that to others when I get around to getting my tattoo. Yeah, I can see you giving me that look. It was as if you could read between the lines. Worthless words. Braxton, you had paws for a reason. Your barks are worth more than most voices. Speaking of A Bark Named Braxton.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

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It wouldn’t be the first time I starved for food, fun or the love of my furry partner in crime. Yet I have to get up, and if I do get into another accident, I hope I get hit harder. Beware of karma, right? Need To B Shopping, for Braxton and me still

Saturday, August 14, 2021

Chronicle 044 ~Need To B Shopping~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ll have a personal shopper. I sorta was when Braxton was around. B First

If Braxton were alive, I would not hesitate to go shopping. I did plenty for him, his needs becoming my courage. Then it was zombie mentality after he died. Why do you think zombies once upon a time moaned for “BRAINS.” Like the song goes, “I feel stupid.” More like, I’m afraid. I haven’t been back to Walmart since the accident. I should have kept up my regular routine. My first thought is this Lu, “does Little B have food, treats, pee pads?” So I would park on that side of the store and not the grocery side, always. People get in the way, but I’m not a person. These days I’m the horny fanboy. Yeah, hoping Walmart has the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition today.

How I don’t want to get up today, but at least I made it to the couch this morning. Last night I was ready to break my… what is it, vow, pledge, bet, some madness I don’t know at all. But while I’m making notes, how about one to get more memory and for what. Porno? It should run more rampant around here without Braxton. But again, last night, something was wrong, and the first thing I thought about is where are all my ladies. Writing took a backseat along with any other common sense. I got called out by Maitland Ward, so she, of course, cost me a few bucks. Um, Jada Jinxx has her first movie coming out. Oh, my Stuff and Thangs?

I should go back to work on that, but it’s time if I’m not wasting money. Didn’t I just say that something went wrong the other day, and I want to add more stress? Maddening! Lady Lu, I should be out there mowing the damn lawn. Braxton would be super pissed with the condition. What about cleaning the house or doing anything other than sleeping? I’ve said this how many times… his water bowl is full; he has enough treats so I may honor him. What I wouldn’t give to come back one day and say “stinky puppy” to him. Yeah, that would come after my “Emergence Day” meal if I shared a bit too much. What about M Anime’s birthday? Need To B Shopping

195 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

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I may not be a smart man; no, that’s it. B III was heart, gave me guts, and I ask myself if I only had a brain. B was asking for some kidneys. And I didn’t start learning about them until it was too late. Yet I read trying to “B Smart About It.”

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

193 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can guess how mine went considering we’re talking right now. Sorry, I’m so late.

Another one of many apologies me being late. Pretty damn late seeing you hurting Braxton. Everything I should have gotten to make your life easier, there was always another time. Braxton, I’m thinking about that accident I got into Monday that made me late returning. It’s not like you’re here waiting, but it’s the first time I was pretty anxious to get back. You know I would rather be in bed than anywhere else or on the couch reading. Again one more reason I’m late. I’ve been getting into the Great De-evolution series of novels. Talking about how the world ends, yeah, it wasn’t a bang or a whimper, not even a bark. When my world ended, it was only with your silence B III.

I told M Anime the other day that I can’t stand stupidity for stupidity’s sake. You weren’t dumb, B. You only thought the humans you knew were. I can’t blame you for that. Is that why you were so content to lie there as I read so many nights? I get you, helping me out. All you need know was I was there and so were you, and that was that, my smart boy B. How I once talked about Love for this and that girl. But what the hell did I know, B III. 15+ years to learn that word, Love. I didn’t believe it was a prize but a gift, um Aloe Blacc.
Love is a choice, at least to a certain extent.

I believe it is a form of madness as well. Only you found a way to have such peace, Braxton. Oh, I’m only “Human,” an “Ordinary Human,” with a “Human Nature,” um B stop me. Yeah, I could go on forever and a day. Still, on top of driving better, I write better with you. Now reading, I read “The Hauntings of Playing God” when you were here. Yet I’ve read about everything on the Great De-evolution since. A man and his brother, a man and his son. A teacher with her students, a man, and his cat. Guess what they all have in common. No wonder the guy decided to become The Last Astronaut, but he wasn’t so bright. Me, B Smart About It.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 037 ~A Brush With B~

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I wish the Grim Reaper would ask me out already, but I don’t swing that way. Trust me if “she” looked anything like Georgia Lass from “Dead Like Me” or Alaria from an A.J. Markam novel… I would have already met B again. A Brush With B

Saturday, August 7, 2021

Chronicle 037 ~A Brush With B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, buried in cash but not bedsheets. How about breaking in the dirt, where I rather be.

You know the answer to that… wherever Braxton is. Lady Lu is that might way of saying I wish I was… Yeah, I can’t say that out loud. I don’t need the cops banging on this door today. So what do I need at this moment? Again there is an answer for that. Ain’t chicken. I can’t even get it up to talk about myself being lazy. After yesterday, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. That’s right, Lady Lu, I don’t fear evil, or at least it takes a backseat to everything else in this life. Carolina Reaper sauce, ha. If only it could be something that simple. Or how about falling asleep again, hmm?

Last night I thought that something bit me. Hope for the best; prepare for the worst. More like hope for the worst but prepare for the best. That’s the alarm clock on any given day. Right now, I want to give it back. I’d give them all back to go back to one with B. Perhaps it’s dare I say it, COVID? A breakthrough case from the guy who wears his mask always, and yeah, I got the vaccine. Do I need to add checking WebMD to my ever-growing list of chores, Lu? Oh um, the food and a bottle of root beer. Yep, I still have my taste. Breathing is normal. I only wish it was optional. Once again, careful, with words, Lady Lu.

So what’s the plan, this weekend? You know I have the Six Impossible Things… Hysterical, that’s a good one, isn’t it? What’s even sadder is most of them I could do from my warm bed. Only I didn’t get six hours. I did get further along in A.J. Markam’s novel. Didn’t I say something about WWBD (what would B do) a few days ago? Like his Daddy, he would want to sleep, but he would get outside at least once today. Hell, I need to get up and give him his treat. I found his bag empty in my dresser drawer. One day I know. There will be no more treats, and I can’t buy more, and that’s death for ya. A Brush With B

188 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

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Might as well jump as the song goes. I do that a lot for and at the Day Job. I would jump to plenty when B III was still around. Now I barely crawl out of bed, and I’m “lucky” if I don’t go tripping down the stairs. Will I learn to fly? You B Leap It

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

186 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Believe it or not, Wednesday wasn’t half bad. Of course, I got a half-day somehow.

I’m sorry about my, let’s say, baby language or garbled, terrible “puns.” I wish I could tell you about anything, period B III. What is it with Olds that makes us switch how we speak in an instant? So I recall when you weren’t much taller than my shoe. Yet I jumped, I leaped B. Even when you weren’t my son? I didn’t mean to go all “Billie Jean” there, but you know what I mean. When my sister was busy doling out orders because she had so much to do. It went from “let me sleep” to carrying you around. My Olds wanted to show their home, and I didn’t have your leash, and people wanted to see the house. You jump, I jump.

Braxton, you jumped so high, you made it all the way to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, wherever. I was at the Day Job today, again Wednesday, but always I feel like I’ll be scared to death. I’m getting old in the world myself and wouldn’t mind dying on the fly. However, I know you don’t like me talking like that. How do THEY say if your friends jumped off a bridge… I don’t know if I’d follow Carolina Bound or M Anime but for you. There’s a reason I keep you above the weapons and by the closet. WWBD, always. Thursday, what would Braxton do? Now that’s something I should have jumped at, sooner, like Monday of YOUR last week. How about after your appointment?

I didn’t jump to the worse conclusion until the vet was calling me that Friday. I didn’t leap from my seat. I was nowhere near high enough to punch God in the face before asking him to save you. I wasn’t rich enough; I didn’t leap into action. There’s nothing. Only the “Space In Between Us.” B III I wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. When I got older, I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Yesterday I talked about all I wanted. Funny that I can tell you more about the circles of Hell than anything in Heaven, my B III. You weren’t here when I finished Jacob’s series. Do you think I’ll fly to you someday? You B Leap It

Always and Forever,
Your Dad