Tag: Rules

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

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Caveman had no choice but, to tell the truth without words, only the civilized find reasons to lie and yet for some reason I want to be one of them as well. You Are Not A Caveman but I am not a liar either

Monday, October 16, 2017

Lesson 107 ~You Are Not A Caveman~

Second Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear because there was not a word for it, and though I’m sure they felt it, hell as a society we damn near worship it by what right did we give it voice? Do we think ourselves civilized, evolved, just less stupid, that’s a great fear, I sound stupid?

It wouldn’t matter if I ever escaped my cave or if I remained for all time, word and sound echo off the wall and yes I am my own worse critic. We all continue to act on primal urges don’t we, “Indian Gone” and I both agree if some men would just shut up, men would have an easier time with women. What about the fact that we have so many words, so many languages and nobody seems to understand anyone, they just talk and talk but they never listen and yet I’m a fool.

Here’s something for your consideration, who have I ever asked that question of, what do you think of me, do you want me, do you need me, do you believe in me, do you love me, who has actually heard God’s own voice? We’re taught to believe words over deeds, one of my least favorite sayings is a picture is worth a thousand words, dance, art, photography, what about the concept of spoken word? Words are cheap so no wonder people buy thousands and I sit here a pauper or maybe I rather find the words I really want and yet here we are Justice.

How many times would I rather call everyone else stupid, that I can’t be bothered with the idiocracy of it all, I have so many voices speaking of above me, for me, about me, that I wonder what would it matter if I spoke at all? Anxiety Justice, because what is it I want to say other than the truth, that I have buried it along with a caveman because the truth is always the truth no matter the word, action or the speaker himself. That is why I can’t be the caveman, I have to speak, and for the love of everything if I choose to remain silent, don’t let my actions themselves hide the truth, smile, laugh, pretend.

This is simply a statement of fact, the caveman learned, evolved, adapted, overcome and with so much time I should already know this by now You Are Not A Caveman.

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

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How much time you got or should I just say I’m afraid of the whole world… thankfully that would be a lie but the truth is I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I Will Have No Fear, sooner or later but it’s been more than 66 Days

Monday, October 9, 2017

Lesson 100 ~I Will Have No Fear~

First Rule Madam Justice,

No Fear but honestly You know I could go on for forever and a day when it comes to fear, a toss-up between the things that scare me and the things I wish I could believe. So what does this rule mean to me, no real deeper meaning being my first rule, simple and direct?

“Please explain to me just once, why.
Because I’m afraid!

You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid?
If he did,
he figured out some way to beat it.

Yeah, well, there’s a word for that:
Courage” Green Lantern (2011)

Fear Justice, is a disease, it’s a freaking plague, like a zombie virus, it keeps you moving, keeps you seeking something and in the end what do you do with it? I don’t want to be like my father and that in itself is fear but how does he cover up his fear, anger, hate, do I really need to quote Yoda here. Like most things in my life, I believe if I ever find the root cause of it maybe I can find a way to overcome it but that’s not possible is it?

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Master Yoda, Star Wars Franchise

Anxiety Justice, “Indiana Gone” wonders how I sleep so well, nightmares usually aren’t a concern, it’s real life so maybe I should list ten things that scared me just today:

01. Leaving Braxton by himself
02. Going to work
03. Getting the door for coworkers
04. Being overwhelmed at work
05. Multiple meetings (huddle)
06. Being called out by coworkers
07. Walking Braxton
08. Kneeling to check if the ground was cool enough for Braxton (Neighbors have a Flag)
09. Anything happening to Braxton, itchy, toenail stuck in collar ring, etc.
10. Work tomorrow and company after
“Welcome to Fight Club. The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: you DO NOT talk about Fight Club!” Fight Club (1999)

This is why I constantly quote this rule Justice if anything I should have gone fight club with it and quoted it twice but that will be for next week. Speaking of which I read somewhere that it takes 66 days for something to become a habit and here I am with one hundred lessons, oh right and writing scares me to which is why I’m so late with this, wondering if I’m making any sense at all.

I’m scared that I’m losing my mind, splitting all these ideas up in my mind you know but since this is in relation to the first rule, I’m scared of what people will think of me. How about being scared that no one is thinking of me at all, and in both of those scenarios what will I do then.

There is nothing to learn this is something I know, I Will Have No Fear

“Thou Art Courageous” Spoken to Link, The Legend of Zelda

“Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember.” Morpheus, The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

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I’m being swept up in ideas at the moment but I won’t dare say I’m winning at life lest everything just gets blown apart but at least it’s not gray. Twist In My Anxiety, when everything seems to be going okay and then whoosh but right now woohoo

Friday, October 6, 2017

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, I’m going to blame it on my anxiety, my irritability, my laziness, and what about all the only craziness that I’ve been going through lately?

First I have some good news and some bad news… I’m not tossing you away again let’s just say I’m going to spread you out some, yeah I really need a girlfriend or at least to go back to watching porn. Anyway, what I’m saying is, I finally have an idea for my virtual brothel, that’s the good news, seven days and seven entries, more bad news is you’ll be the last, let me survive the week and I’ll tell you what I can Saturday. Now does that sound crazier or lazier, when it comes to my story, yeah I have been slacking a lot?

Should I keep riding this train of positivity, today I found out I won a swag pack from Kit Rocha, you know The Beyond Series, when’s the last time I won anything… PCH but that was only a hundred bucks, talk about a kick to the balls. See that’s why I’m going to have another girl I can talk about these things to, though I’m sure “Indiana Gone” wouldn’t mind at all, not going there.

No movie tonight and I’m still attempting to hold off any and all depravity but with the way, I have been talking to “Gospel Girl” lately, what am I always telling Indian Gone ‘behave’. I’m trying Lady Lu, you know how I try and I wrote another review today for the movie “The Mountain Between Us” so I’m not going to mention all of the naughty things I want to do to Kate Winslet. Besides brunettes I’m still trying to decipher what it is about this girl or that girl, what sin does she feed in me, yeah my novel…

The Seven Sins, just seven I think

Luna = Therapy
Justice = Rules
Echo = Past Sins
Sophia = Stories
Dear Future Wife
Escort = Fantasies
Will = Man in The Mirror (Will To Love)

This leads me to another question, there are seven deadly sins but nine circles of Hell and I know sooner or later I will have to start consolidating my rules but the plan is to have 365 of them. So while I’m talking about learning, whatever have I learned today besides anxiety is just another word in all this crazy that I feel and that Braxton needs a bath because he’s driving me crazy, just another Twist In My Anxiety.

I Will Have No Fear

Veiled Planet But Veiled Woman?

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Chick’s got a veil, dude better bail but that’s not the case with Teagan Kearney’s work or with Kara for that brief period she had to wear a veil, this work and this girl are quite beautiful. “Veiled Planet But Veiled Woman?”

“Assumptions should be proven or disproven by facts” Veiled Planet

As for my assumptions, this book would be cliché, the indigenous people would be ‘hominids’ or like people, and that I would thoroughly enjoy this book, done, done, and done. Veiled Planet keeps you on the edge of your seat the same way the movie “Avatar” does, an adventure, a love story, intrigue, and mystery, but to a certain degree.

Even knowing what was going to happen, I still wanted to read about it, I can appreciate Teagan Kearney’s twist on the genre. It reminds me plenty of young adult heroines I’m so fond of, just set in an, even more, sci-fi universe although besides the wording don’t expect to see much of it since the story is set more in nature. Maybe I shouldn’t be comparing it to so many other titles and experiences but I mean them all as compliments; I know what I like and to be sure this was so amazing.

The male protagonist “Rishi” was somewhat reminiscence of some of Gary Paulsen’s titles but it was awesome to see him play off of the heroine Kara, so there were respites of humor mixed in as well. Maybe I’m being bias considering this is a story that has been done before, so I know it well but I was still excited every day when I picked it up. That’s also a bit of bad news, you see the ending and it’s sort of like hitting a brick wall and you’re still smiling but yeah um ouch.

You shouldn’t let that stop you though, most good books leave you hurting and a somewhat sweet, predictable but abrupt ending didn’t stop my enjoyment. If you’ve read this far, just know that the title has my stamp of approval without a doubt but if you’re lazy you can always pick up Avatar and switch Jake Sully’s character with Neytiri.

“The family is sacred. Without the family, society fails”
― from Teagan Kearney, Veiled Planet

So would you prefer once upon a time or stop me if you’ve heard this one, a human comes to alien/hominids planet, falls in with the natives, falls in love with one and now it’s time to save the world or maybe love conquers all perhaps. Space people bad native people good, just a lot more diplomatic, which is another thing this book was filled with politics but not bogged down like any Star Wars.

I related to Kara in a certain way and nobody can blame Rishi or Miklo for that matter for being guys but again, the somewhat teenage aspect of things or boys will be boys. Of course, Kara is so smart and right about everything she is simply busy employing her moral sense into her new world but that doesn’t last too long. I would say the author has some weird ideas about men and women but I can’t stress this enough, with the world we live in who isn’t influenced?

Take some of the characters such as Ikeya and Yleni for example, some people would be insulted by this male-dominated society, Ikeya has his place and Yleni is just the woman behind the man you see the same in Kara’s relationships. You have the big flashy tribal leader who is more of a shower than a doer with his own hidden agendas for what he does. How about the colonists who behaved exactly as if Kara has gone crazy not that the “Maruts” weren’t sticklers about their own rules too.

You have to wonder if the author making a not so subtle estimation of humanity or was this purely coincidental because I can see the parallels in society. On the other hand, she’s a genius and this was fate or in the DNA, but that makes me sound like Rishi.

“Our coming across you the way we did wasn’t an accident. It was what you call Fate or Destiny.” ― from Teagan Kearney, Veiled Planet

If you want to discover this book for yourself, I suggest you turn away now but how great was this book… four stars and my Kindle kept erasing the copy I got for an honest review so I went and bought a copy because I was so caught up. No book is perfect, I’ll take that back, this book wasn’t perfect but the point is to hook the reader and sadly I already was, clichés.

Anything with a solid love story has my vote and while I believe that love could have been a bit more ‘descriptive’ I fell in love with Kara but I’m sort of easy like that. The nature aspect always gets to me, reading about them on the road and the traditions and customs but for the life of me, I couldn’t get the look of “satyrs” out of my head, the way we normally think about them. It was really inspiring though when Kara found out she had been made somewhat a Helen of Troy archetype with the Maruts coming to get her back, I cheered at that fact honestly.

As for my dislikes, a lot of books are scaring me these days, working on my own stories I know I have to buy Grammarly and a half-dozen editors because there were a few problems, typos and such. Kara didn’t appear to be flawed in any way but the people around her always seemed to be, especially the part with her and Rishi after the storm, boys will be boys but still, that wasn’t fair at all the laws. I said the ending was a wall but while the story overall was incredible, just cliché after cliché, you can’t call it uninspired, it’s a work of art but let’s just say I know the author has other people to thank.

Four stars without a doubt, would I read what comes next, definitely, any advice, as people tell me sometimes, more you and less them but yes this is awesome. Teagan Kearney will not put you to sleep but if you do sleep make sure you know all the rules because, in the end, it’s a Veiled Planet But Veiled Woman?

“Freedom is the most precious gift.”
Teagan Kearney, Veiled Planet

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

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Lust, at first sight, is a real thing so you can’t look anymore, the words will have to be enough and the possible numbers of sales, maybe not on a bookshelf not yet but the world is full of beautiful things. Eye A Terrible Aspect

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Lesson 091 ~Eye A Terrible Aspect~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but I can feel it coming in the air tonight, and more so tomorrow, and the next day and God help me when I have to go back to my day job. You know me and my religious references still a hard habit to break but anyway today’s lesson and it’s getting hard, how hard?

“For fifteen minutes. That’s the day I realized that there was this entire life behind things and this incredibly benevolent force that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember… I need to remember… Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, I feel like I can’t take it, and my heart is just going to cave in.” American Beauty

Hard enough that I’ve been sleeping, even more, you might call it depression and maybe you would be right but there is so much beauty in the world and it isn’t mine. I’ve been sort of nervous about anyone, especially my future wife, reading our conversations but what am I supposed to do, lie, I omit, I give the truth scope, but I don’t lie. That’s what I was thinking about this morning, again the lesson, I lend the eye a terrible aspect and I will do far more maybe.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” 500 Days of Summer (2009)

I finally got a name for my short story, novelette, novella, I’m not even sure yet “Degrees of Falling”; you see I wish I could feel something good, I don’t see the good, I see the beauty and “Beauty Doesn’t Always Equal Good”. Lady Lu you know that’s going to be a rule, but what I mean is, all the things that I’ve done in the name of beauty and because I’m a man, it’s my duty, my obligation, hell privilege but’s let’s call it human nature to be an idiot when it comes to women. Another mystery Luna how do you make a woman look bad without some dreadful crime, I mean other than your own embarrassment or wounded pride; so many questions seriously?

“Only women were capable of being so fucking sexy you wanted to lick them clean when they considered themselves dirty.”
― Captive in the Dark

This sort of leads me to another idea, as I said before, maybe since we chat every day I should have seven ladies… no I’m not a pimp, at least not yet but besides you who act as my therapist, I could write to my future lady though I don’t think that will help and what about nemesis for all my rules, which makes three. Don’t I sound like a madman but three months of chat and I’ve told you more than any real therapist and “Indiana Gone” might be mad but she just wouldn’t get it, I mean no one understands in the least.

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions…. He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

So what have we learned today besides my new rule, always look on the bright side of life… no, there’s a reason I exist in the dark or lost in the words because the world is a beautiful place but my work I will lend the Eye A Terrible Aspect.

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” – Henry V and The Postman

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 085 ~Can’t We Be Heroes~

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It’s a thin line, a blurred line, is there even a line at all between heroes and villains, especially in this day and age and I could go on and on about this but I rather talk about a recent movie night, selfish maybe? “Can’t We Be Heroes”.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Lesson 085 ~Can’t We Be Heroes~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, but that doesn’t make anyone a hero, especially someone like me though, I’ve had that one day in high school or maybe two. I’ve talked plenty about evolution, I’ve said that a man must stand for something and while this requires a solid foundation that I’m still searching for, roots are never in straight lines.

Already confusing myself, okay so last night “Indiana Gone” and I are having an “Alternative Heroes” movie night “Blankman”, “Kick-Ass”, “Kick-Ass 2” but we didn’t get to “Mystery Men” any way we noticed something. In the tradition of the normal heroes, all these heroes and villains were orphans or lost at least in part, those they cared for. Probably the greatest service I have done my parents since I couldn’t stop my birth is sworn off ever becoming a hero.

Why would anyone want to be a hero honestly at this rate; the only benefits I’ve seen are you’re guaranteed to end up lonely and even with that someone will always want you… at least you’re thought about at all really. One of my rules is ‘Satisfaction, The Death of Desire” and personally I always want to stay hungry, I always want more, and I would always feel alive because do heroes fear death, I know villains always believe that time is short. Heroes can be loved and hated, maybe even feared and the same can be said of villains but there is always more for a villain, a hero loses something and hell it can end them like that.

Speaking of love, from a dominant standpoint I have said you can have trust without love, but you can’t have love without trust and while I have not turned my back on love entirely, a dominant and a submissive can have a relationship without it. I’m also not saying dominants are bad by any means though I know how people look at the lifestyle and at least the goal is to keep a submissive from true harm in the end.

A hero though gets closer to a hero and you’re pretty much signing up for trouble, and more to the point, who and what I am accepts this because I’m no hero. Something I know and I didn’t have to learn but it never hurts to practice but just for one day, maybe, possibly, sometimes, *sigh*, Can’t We Be Heroes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

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I really don’t have time to go over my whole playlist again while I was mowing the lawn and being a rapper has never been one of my pursuits and yet this ‘lyric” has been on my mind all day long. Build Stacks Like Empires, stacks of what, words, cash

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but do I have originality, individuality, what is it I’m forgetting because this title has been driving me crazy all day; where have I heard it before? Besides that, I’ve been thinking about what it means to build an empire and the question becomes does it even matter if it is left unseen and unheard of by any man honestly?

Today I have done more to build up my house than to build up my writing unfortunately because I’m still worried about what people will think of me so I spent all day mowing the lawn and sweeping. Writers are supposed to be messy, probably artists in general because why do we bother with this world other than to be seen, we’re busy building our own universes. We find freedom elsewhere as we can only be slaves here though sometimes I don’t mind; I have Braxton sleeping on my lap so honestly, typing could be somewhat easier in any case.

Knowing me I’m finally going to get that title when I’m in bed and won’t even think about writing it down or maybe it really is my own idea and I just don’t like giving myself any credit. Luna, I have way too many secrets to bother seeking credit for anything but then again what are we doing here if that’s the case, do you know any of my secrets? According to The Hunger Games Series, secrets can be more valuable than anything and can lead to the destruction of an empire just as quickly as just lighting a match.

Is that why we try so hard to look normal, I mean compare what the neighbors think of me, to my coworkers, to my family, and just about anyone else. If secrets are the heart, then money is the armor, a lesson learned, again and again, money can make anyone beautiful but it can offer a protection that can never be dismissed by anyone Luna.

That’s what it always amounts to, making more money, we’re about making more money and in order to do that, I must appear as a pawn. What’s wrong with being a pawn like today’s rule “It’s Worthy of Your Soul” or like the song “seek out a kingdom, worthy of your soul” a new way of looking at “Hide & Seek” or something like that.

So what have we learned today… a wall of normalcy allows you the opportunity to seek, make the money, build the empire, and then you say besides that lyric driving me crazy today the truth is Build Stacks Like Empires.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

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What kind of man would I be, if I had a choice, would I be the man that gets girls, would I be a gentleman, I’ve never wanted to be Superman and I want Batman’s cash and you’ve heard, don’t try to be a great man, just be a man? Be The Tenth Man.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, well not until the first man and I wonder what was he afraid of… God, if the Bible was a fact though I believe there was something else, how could he even define it as fear? When I would attend church there was a song that says something about God not giving us the spirit of fear, so if not it, wherever did it come from, the Devil and who created Lucifer, that too much?

I think I’m getting off topic as I tend to do but I was thinking about my rule “You Are Not a Caveman” Lesson 51 ~Not Easy to Be~ although I don’t know how I’m ever going to remember that, sad I have to look up my own rules. I still plan on making 365 of them and then condensing them down but here’s something else since I didn’t write any poetry yesterday *sigh*. I’m sure I’ve asked this before but what was the first rule, while we’re on the subject of the first fear.

Take for example “World War Z” 2013, I have yet to read the book and on that note, I hate being one of those people admitting I’ve seen the movie but never read the book. My point is in the movie, the man who became the tenth man had to accept fear and prepare to combat it, ignoring it would gain nothing but the end. Fear my dear Lady Lu is all about the wait, it’s sort of the difference between the more traditional slow zombies and the speedy zombies.

“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” proverb

While I will keep my rule of “I Will Have No Fear” can I not also embrace the wait, am I afraid if I’m prepared, of course not, because when was is afraid, one cannot think and if anything I think a lot, don’t worry but instead think. The Tenth Man was not told to fear the impossible but instead to prepare for it and that my friend is power.

“Even without the events of 40 years ago, I think man would still be a creature that fears the dark. He doesn’t face that fear, he averts his eyes from it and acts as if he doesn’t have any memories of his past. But, 40 years is both a short time and yet, a long time. Man’s fear has withered. And even time itself tries to wither the desire to know the truth. Is it a crime to try and learn the truth? Is it a sin to search for those things which you fear. My purpose in this world is knowledge and the dissemination of it. And it is I who is to restore the fruits of my labor to the entire world. Fear… It is something vital to us puny creatures. The instant man stops fearing is the instant the species reaches a dead end, only to sink to pitiable lows, only to sit and wait apathetically for extinction. Humans who lose the ability to think become creatures whose existence has no value. Wake up! Don’t be afraid of knowledge! Think, you humans who are split into two worlds, unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must think! Signed, Schwarzwald.” The Big O

I cannot be the Tin Man, I’m far too late to be the first man, and I suppose it’s not easy to be Superman, if anything I just want to be a man and is that the lesson, if I may surpass the caveman but I not yet ready, so can I will I choose to Be The Tenth Man.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 052 ~The Timing of Inspiration~

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A paradigm, a type, and from that I am inspired to create something but while my fingers are in the right place, it’s always the wrong time, that’s what she said and I still hate that joke to this day. The Timing of Inspiration, timing is everything.

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Lesson 052 ~The Timing of Inspiration~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, like a drunk man facing his own firing squad, or is that not creative enough for you; can’t say I’m feeling this way myself, so courageous. Today is certainly better, proving a bit of another rule I came up with “sometimes, you may even forget” or I’m just being lazy?

I didn’t dream of anything though, dreams themselves can offer up plenty of opportunities for inspiration to come land in my lap. That will be today’s lesson, so first I ask the question what inspires me and the safest answer would be to say everything. I mean how many ideas do I have in the coming days, Cousin Skeevy, a number of novellas, how about an introduction page, a new blogging book I should read?

“I’m responsible for nineteen of the twenty top-grossing films of all time.

Nineteen?

Yeah, the one about the kid, by himself in his house, burglars trying to get in and he fights them off? I had nothing to do with that one. Somebody sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.” Serendipity, Dogma

Honestly a few nights ago I was reading through one, I haven’t written a review on and I could barely keep my eyes open, and money-making is a wonderful thing or so I once thought but then here we are. I keep saying one of these days I’m going to write down all the reasons I want to be a writer, another one might be vanity, and speaking of you’re so vain… that’s another bit of inspiration I’ve been thinking about, writing speeches to God who cares anymore like something out of “Collateral Beauty”. Now see I like that, movie and the concept because in a way My Lady you are my collateral beauty, while my poetry seems to be collateral damage in a way.

“Don’t ask me about being a writer. If when you wake up in the morning. you can think of nothing but writing… then you’re a writer.” Sister Act 2 (1993)

Yet another rule I came up with “Whose Right to Censor You” I mean really no more free rent inside my head though yeah I still freeze up from time to time. Maybe I should look to some writers as role models and not the Marquis de Sade, someone wrote he was the freest soul that ever lived but I still have to live here.

In addition to creating a new list of rules to somehow govern myself, I have been looking into a code here or there from the past that I adhered to.
For example, the code of chivalry, specifically the idea of “courtly love” and before you even ask Luna, I haven’t been in love forever or had sex either which explains going for broke from time to time. Remember “Sweetness” and that’s all I ever was to her but a guy can’t win can he, and I don’t think anyone ever excused Sigmund Freud of being a gentleman but it’s all about understanding right? How about that line I never gave “Senseless” yeah that would have gotten me fired for sure, not that keeping my distance did land me in trouble.

I’ve looked in on Bushido, The Laws of 8, Ingsoc, Brave New World, Robin Lefter’s Laws, Fight Club, and I could go on for quite a while, oh and how about Zombieland? I’m getting to be like President Trump, I need to look at The Constitution and maybe The Bill of Rights but how in the world do you defend poetry, oh nobody is special, I got a book of a hundred poems I wrote by the pool, of the five I wrote about The Winx Club while I was on X, how about the one that literal quotes Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do”, or to my shame the ones I wrote during the “Harmonic War” just disgusting.

Something I still struggle with, my big sister (not actually related) told me you can’t build a strip club next to a school… anyway, I see her point but that doesn’t negate the fact that I’m a dominant. Personal and professional life Luna, need to keep those separate and while again I’m writing new rules, there is one that remains in my BDSM file and that is “For Me, You Will”, simple. I did write out a bunch for my novel “Some Assembly Required” which I will be working on, starting next month editing but those rules are more sinister.

Now I’ve mentioned that I can find inspiration in everything and while I was high but women, my drug if not by choice but by biology and god how we pay for it. I wish I could just write about sunshine and lollipops okay no I don’t but inspiration only works if you’re beautiful, rich or have a depressing life story to share oh wait…

“Do you know what I am saying? If you’ve got a girl, and she kisses you, sooner or later you’re paying for it. You’ve gotta take her out to lunch, take her to a movie, and then spend time listenin’ to all her stupid problems. Look, look at Stan right there.

He’s gotta sit there and listen to her stupid mother-fuckin’ problems ’cause she kisses him. If you ask me, that’s a lot more than the five dollars my company charges.” – Butters’ Bottom Bitch

Honestly, I don’t see how Taylor Swift does it, though those guys probably ended up with her for a moment, they probably wouldn’t mind any publicity. How about a dude that became more famous because he pissed Alanis Morissette off, and how many shows have ripped off that moment in time. I censor myself though, but probably the bigger problem is I have so many ideas bombarding me and my job is plenty enough scary.

“Well, you know, Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature.” 500 Days of Summer (2009)

You want to talk about inspiration, you want to talk about vanity; I’m freaking scared, nearly petrified, that every word is being twisted, I’m vain enough to believe someone is reading, their vain enough to believe this is a personal attack and a sign of crazy. I see and I create, I feel and I create, I am not what I create because chances are I could never be, impossible, immoral, illegal, insane, I am definitely going to have to make another rule soon. As for right now, all that matters is the work, my novel has fourteen women that I have never met in life as inspirational pieces, and yet… no, it doesn’t even matter anymore, in the past.

So what have I learned today, I could write out all the new rules but that deserves its own entry Luna but today I realized that inspiration cannot completely be contained but simply endured, enjoyed under the right circumstances. Is it what inspires us or what we create because of or in spite of, such is The Timing of Inspiration.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 051 ~Not Easy to Be~

WillLeave a comment

Being me, of all the horrors seen and imagined I would not wish to be me on anybody, and every day I remain myself and not the monster some would have me to be, trust me some thoughts make me appear to have the face of an angel. Not Easy to Be at all

Monday, August 21, 2017

Lesson 051 ~Not Easy to Be~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, and no it’s not easy to be me, not easy to exist right, not easy to continue when honestly all I want to do is cry, beg, scream, yeah I need to refer to my rules. Yes, I’ve been coming up with rules left and right today and also I have been thinking so much that I don’t know who I am, and people telling me what I am, I have completely neglected to say what I know I’m not.

1. I Will Have No Fear
2. You Are Not a Caveman
3. Now The Work Can Begin
4. Hate Will Keep You Alive
5. Love Is Worth Dying For
6. It’s Worthy of Your Soul
7. Stop Crying Your Heart Out
8. Anger Is Better That Despair
9. Satisfaction, the Death of Desire
10. Make Words Bleed, Not You
11. Live Life According to You
12. Medicate for Your Protection, Yours
13. Power Is All That Matters
14. I Will Go the Distance
15. I Take My Own Lumps
16. I Am a Man Remember

These are in no particular order just how I came up with them and I’ll be adding plenty more, I still don’t what’s going to happen to our conversations in the next month. Luna this is a time of great fear, of shame, of humiliation and I have always found a way to survive but that doesn’t make them any easier to endure. Remind me to write that down someday, how I survived that bad November, or YouTube, college, I swear the list just gets longer and longer sadly.

“Villain am I none. Therefore farewell. I see thou knowest me not.” Romeo + Juliet

Lady Lu I have done some things I’m not too proud of, things that I regret, things that I may not have understood at the time and I have apologized. I have also admitted that my rage along with some lust has a tendency to get out of hand, to vilify me and somehow to terrify others, I try Lu, you know I try and then, I don’t know. What I cannot fathom is how people build this version of me inside of their minds, seriously in high school three boys made up a story, the principal took one look at me and let me go or how about when I was arrested and a judge looked at me… is it just a woman thing?

See it’s that right there, that’s what makes me look like some typical asshole, and the thing is being a typical asshole with this face does not fly with my current problem. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve said before “Indiana Gone” along with the other ladies in my orbit will call me on my BS, without question but this problem ain’t new and that’s sad.

Will I lose my dignity, as the song goes, I think I already have and I’m hoping that’s the end of it but then tell that to my writing. Will someone care, other than Indiana Gone, nope at least not on my side of the divide and see that’s fair.

Will I lose my dignity
will someone care
will I wake tomorrow
from this nightmare – “Will I”, cast of Rent

Tomorrow scares me as I’m sure it does many others if I am truly this evil creature everyone seems to think I am, it should be a club somewhere maybe. All I ever think about is everything I have to lose while everybody else cries foul and continues with their lives and again this is fair of them. I was watching this movie “Me Before You” this morning and to see a man lose his ability to be the man he was *sigh*, how dare I because he was good.

Luna will I lose myself to what they will make me out to be… no, let me make this point for you, I refuse to be the obsessed lunatic they would make me out to be. I refuse to be considered some sort of stalker, perv, predator or whatever else just so they can cry victim I’m not those things at all and I never will be. I hit my sister once and you know what that makes me, a child and my “father” whipped my ass and I’ve never so much as touched a woman without consent since then.

I spanked a girl when I was a kid too, and while plenty of people congratulated me, my father again sat me down and told me women were to be respected. Now that being said my “father” and my mother; anyway, let’s focus on the good because there isn’t much of that when it comes to him and me surely.

It’s my turn to be scared, it’s my turn to be humiliated, the good news is my family wrote me off a long time ago and Braxton can’t read. I take my own lumps if that means putting my fist in a locker if that means stomping my food as if I can crush the bad memories, or continuing to look like a damn fool I can live with that.

“”That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem. Me, I always tell the truth. Even when I lie. So say good night to the bad guy!” Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

It’s my turn to be the loser, as if I will ever stop being the loser, what’s my age again, don’t remind of what’s coming up Luna, but yeah meltdown right on schedule. It’s my turn to make a choice, with the Harmonic War I was defending my work and I burned it all to the ground, but with this, I have come to the simple conclusion as with most people, this ain’t worth it. Hell, I remember she got all upset and I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her words, I simply turned away that was Cowardice or my part but this is Providence I feel because the anxiety is killing me.

It’s one thing to make someone want to run, it’s another to make them stay down but I’m still standing and just saying whatever, no defense, again my work was attacked and it was my worst but having the fire to write again, thank you. I need to thank you too, Luna, for being there in my time of great need, the power of words always prevails doesn’t it, or maybe a need of vanity. It’s my turn Luna, or as the Saints would say… this is our time now, let’s get this shit started, two blogging books down, plans in the works, getting ready.

So what have I learned today, more rules of course and that I know with all my crimes the only person that’s ever been hurt is myself, if that’s not being selfless then I don’t have a prayer. Speaking of prayer Luna, neither of us are the praying kind but I pray to whatever power is out there to protect my Braxton every day, so I ask you, Luna, to pray for us, these days it’s Not Easy to Be.

I Will Have No Fear