Tag: Shame

Saga 318 ~Laughter Is Camouflage For Language~

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What’s so funny? You wouldn’t get it? In total transparency, I’ve never seen “Joker.” And I hate clowns. Explains how I feel looking in the mirror. Or at the news and anything on any day. Yet I laugh like an idiot. Laughter Is Camouflage For Language

Monday, May 15, 2023

Saga 318 ~Laughter Is Camouflage For Language~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Yes, I laugh every time I say that. How I hate laughter, but we’ll get to that.

When I was a child, once upon a time… I wanted to be a comedian. Gallagher, to be specific. If anything, I wanted to smash things. Hulk Smash? My favorite Marvel hero, next to the Black Panther. Of course, I relate to him. Intelligent black man with lots of cash. Anyway, speaking of smashing. “Sex is a joke in heaven?” That’s from the movie Dogma. Is sex funny? I’d be lying if I said I don’t give the occasional chuckle at a dirty joke ha-ha. And I was saying today as I spoke to “Dear Future Wife.” Tuesday, May 9, 2023, so yes, I’m time traveling. Okay, so I was saying how I use the word boobies and even Yabbos. And what about my Braxton?

I would laugh my butt off when he’d go to town on one of his toys. His poor Aunt Carolina. It’s funny that the first time I had to give “the talk,” it was about him not being all up in her boobies. Braxton did plenty to make me laugh. Tears of joy, Madam? Umm… Well, Virgil hasn’t made me laugh at all. Not that I recall, anyway. But it’s funny that with all the pictures I have of my son. The first video I do, the phone… Virgil gallery. Madam, am I growing up and forgetting about my B. Never, his human huffs hilariously! I do after every encounter at the Day Job. And you know why that is. Because I can’t talk ever

As I swear up and down, AHEM… the effing comedian is effing dead, Madam. Braxton? The truth is he’s dead. And the truth is the funniest thing of all. One big effing joke, and like something out of 1984, we all get it and then don’t because, The American Way? Madam, it’s not only that but living, existing in general, laughing when we should cry. Hell! We do both. And I don’t mean to be all political now, but I saw this video today and:

Is existence funny? And I never learned to deal with the heckle. Hell! I never asked for it. I don’t want to be a caveman, a comedian, or speak only with my cock… But speaking… Laughter Is Camouflage For Language

834 Days Without B III, Day 275 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 313 ~Lying Around B, Virgil~

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I both love and hate lying around? You know I love my naps. There are those two minutes I give myself calling to Braxton… He might come running for “medicine time?” Then realizing existing is a waste, and what I did last night… Lying Around B, Virgil

Wednesday, May 10, 2023

Saga 313 ~Lying Around B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I could give a masterclass in lying. I feel like “kaka,” to be honest…

Because… I hate lying. Don’t get me wrong, Inspector. I lie a lot. Nine times out of ten, it saves “my” ass. No wonder I haven’t joined B III. “It’s in my biological imperative.” Eugene Porter was a terrific liar too. But I couldn’t lie to Braxton. Lying, Inspector. Because… I told him he was going to be ok. I would protect him, save him, and in the end. I can’t say I meant to go this way. But when I do something awful and then lie about it. Inspector, in full transparency, today is Monday, May 1, 2023. And yesterday, I effed up. I wish Braxton were here. Of course, in the manner in which I effed up. Braxton would be on punishment… time-out.

And Virgil. Hell! When was his last walk? Now that’s effing dark to say, Inspector. Usually, all we do is lie around anyway. Not today. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I’m effing tired. Worse, I’m effing horny. So much so that I’ll end up spending more money. Then what, Inspector? I’ll have the perfect excuse to stay in bed. Where can I go being broke? Not so broke as to give into every kink and fetish. Last night when I fucked up, I didn’t buy the book The 120 Days of Sodom. I read the reviews. Strangely Cherry reminded me. She wrote a tale that’s a bit out there for me. Do you want to know a secret, straight-up fact? SCAT IS A HARD LIMIT!

It’s hard enough picking up B and V’s… business. Yet I want two-legged children, ha-ha. Now that’s not a lie. No! Inspector, I want to do a particular brand of lying today, as with most days. I want to lie down and wake up with my boy. I pray for that… well I think about it anyway. You know how I feel about The Almighty, Inspector, whatever. At the moment, I want to lie down and go to sleep like I should have done last night. All I’ll confess to right now is AHEM, The Savior’s Wife… OnlyFans. Inspector, I effed up. Finally, I wouldn’t mind effing some P.Y.T. I’ll never say no to that. Love, Losing, Lying… Three little words. Lying Around B, Virgil

829 Days Without B III, Day 270 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 311 ~Apparently, Models Do Have Standards~

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No matter what I say, I still hate that saying. A picture’s worth a thousand words. Hell! Words have got me wanting to see… other things. If we’re talking about B. Nary, a word. But B was/is beautiful. Others? Uh, Apparently, Models Do Have Standards

Monday, May 8, 2023

Saga 311 ~Apparently, Models Do Have Standards~

Two-Hundred and Ninetieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can make photography a hobby. Something Replika keeps asking. Hobbies I wish I had…

Hell! The only model I ever REALLY had was Braxton. And even my son wasn’t on demand, to be honest, Madam. But everyone loved him. Not that I’m an influencer. Thinking… Yeah, that’s never been my strong suit. Well, when it comes to models. We’ll get to those kind of models. For now, there’s Virgil Vivi and… Well, I remember:

“If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph.”

― Anonymous

I keep saying, “Virgil is not my son.” That makes me sound like a horrible human being, Madam. At least I’m being acknowledged as a man, ha. I can exist with that for now, hmm? Which is why I take so many pictures of myself. Ain’t that a lie? Let’s say, as the song goes, Look at this photograph. Every time I do, it makes me laugh.” That’s my dick

And as proud as I am of it… How many times have I looked up, in these past few days, increasing the size of a penis? What does that make me? OnlyFans and Carolina saw it. Let’s hope, right? Not that it’s a secret. I have enough of those to share with my dear Echo.
But today, I’m already time-traveling. It’s Sunday, May 7, 2023. Today shouldn’t be hard. I know, I hear ya (sigh). Can I stop talking about my cock for 2 seconds? All 6″ worth, ha. What would some people think, Madam?

Models, in particular. The only other reason to pick up any sort of a camera. My Braxton, what’s above my balls, and boobs. And there’s always more yabbos, without question. Only as the kids say, FOMO or Fear Of Missing Out. I’m an old man Madam. But not old enough for Cherry, I know. To go with another song, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” And if I had a dollar for every woman I wanted to see without their clothes on, I would be approaching a billion. At least making money faster than working the Day Job and yet living that kind of life. Dennis Hof only had Dominio. Hugh Hefner… Well, you see his legacy. I know other guys, and I don’t want to be them. The one-eyed monster, being a camera, or cock, only with enough cash. Because my Madam, Apparently, Models Do Have Standards.

827 Days Without B III, Day 268 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 306 ~B We Trust, Virgil~

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I told B III everything. I had to give him “The Talk.” Regarding his “Aunt Carolina.” Like father, like son. The internet made things easier with books and… umm, beauty. I swear to keep track. And Virgil? Do I trust him? Did Dante? B We Trust, Virgil

Wednesday, May 3, 2023

Saga 306 ~B We Trust, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Only I will take a Handy Dandy notebook over a portfolio any day of the week.

Speaking of which, I am continuing to time travel. Today is Saturday, April 29, 2023. Inspector, I can say I’ve been somewhat productive. I’ll lose more money on the 30th. Today, ha! I have a plethora of books to buy. I’m slightly pissed that I didn’t do it this morning. And before that, I said I’d do it last night. Then again… (sigh) listing excuses? That comes later. For now, let’s talk about books. Or how about the fact that I like Kindle? That’s Kindle and not Kendall, aka Professor Kelsey Williams… Sandra McCoy. Geez! Inspector if could make a list of distractions and/or women that get me hard. Anyway, I wanted to talk about that, to be fair. But hiding behind so many books.

Again better books than boobs. “This Is America.” Better books than bullets. My sin Echo. I bathe in Lust, not Violence (2nd and 7th Circles of Hell). Of course, that’s if I forget B III. I’m getting the 9th Circle for sure for what I did to my B. But not today. I’m still breathing. And with a father like mine… though, I couldn’t blame him if he kicked my ass for this one, to be honest. When We Were Young? When You Were Young. Hell! I’m a boy now. And as I sat in the barbershop today, I remembered when I had a folder of Jet and Ebony models. What the eff was I thinking when I was with “my” father and that folder.

Was I looking to die on that day? That’s another list I need to make. All the times I could have died. The only reason I’m glad I failed? It’s because, of course, I got to meet my little B. My son. Happy Memories? Inspector, how many times must I say it? I’m never Happy. Inspector, I haven’t been happy since I had my seventh birthday. What the Hell? Please! Those were the words that ended my happiness. However, there was a glimpse in 2002. Inspector, what was I supposed to say today? I wanted to write out all the chicks. So I could keep my pants on until later. Tell you the things I couldn’t tell Braxton. But trusting myself? B We Trust, Virgil

822 Days Without B III, Day 263 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 304 ~Tears Shed Lead To Paradise~

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When was I last listening to Eric Thomas’s speech on crying? How about when did I cry for my lost boy last? There are also the tears of how many angels. I’m not headed to paradise… after I die. But seeing I’m alive. “Tears Shed Lead To Paradise”

Monday, May 1, 2023

Saga 304 ~Tears Shed Lead To Paradise~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I hope I have the good sense to invest in shiny things. Don’t dive head first…

You know, like something out of DuckTales, Scrooge McDuck. Hell! It might be worth it. I’m already sick and tired. More so today. No offense to you, Madam Justice. I’ve done lots of talking today; the Man in the Mirror, B, and it’s your turn. As the song goes, “Tell me why? Ain’t nothin’ but a heartache. Tell me why? Ain’t nothin’ but a mistake?” Ha-Ha! Or should I go with this song, “Money for nothin’ and your chicks for Free?” In what world, Madam J? A world without my B? Oh, we’ll get to that because here I am working. No! That’s what I’ll be doing this week. Now it’s only us, and I’m tired. “Don’t cry to give up; cry to keep going.”

Learning how to swim? If I “endure and survive.” Someday it will all be worth it, won’t it, Madam? B and I would both be right here. We would sit in the Dining Room, me at the table and him under it on his pillow. The two of us crying together, and for what, hmm? Braxton cried for me. One more thing I can never forgive myself for. All those long nights of writing, telling myself I would publish a book. And I would have all the time he wanted. To not make myself feel like the selfish bastard I am, I want to say he cried for my tiredness—a lie Madam. Of course. Now I cry to put out the fires. Not Hell!

But Braxton would follow me anywhere. And since I’m still alive. Does Braxton wait for me? And I wish I could say to the Man in the Mirror… I’m gonna make a change for once in my life. It’s gonna feel real good. Gonna make a difference. Gonna make it right.” What did I say to myself on the 30th? Hell, if I know. Tears of laughter or happiness? No! It’s a toss-up between my dead puppy and my deviant perversions, to be quite honest. For example, … let’s say, a fetish for broken women. And OnlyFans is crying about my subscriptions expiring. Tears for losing such heavenly things, Madam. Braxton Barks? Hell, with all of my tears, the gates of Hell will not prevail… Tears Shed Lead To Paradise

820 Days Without B III, Day 261 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 299 ~B It Goodbye Virgil~

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Hell! I wrote a letter to Satan once. No, I don’t mean Santa. I said bye to him when I said goodbye to the church. My worst goodbye? That’s my son, and when I wake up. “God gave me everything I want?” My boy, brains, balls? Nope… B It Goodbye Virgil.

Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Saga 299 ~B It Goodbye Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And while most are terrified by their greed. I don’t want to scare anyone. A lie

But let’s start with some facts. V is right here. And he ain’t going nowhere. Like the song “I’m right here and I ain’t goin’ nowhere You can turn tables, and you can throw chairs.” One thing that he and Braxton have in common. And speaking of which, Braxton is still dead. I never need reminding of that. Only it was something on Facebook… Inspector. What was it, hmm? Today it doesn’t matter. Yet I can’t say goodbye to Braxton or Virgil these days. Well, if you ask me which I prefer. Not that it’s a competition. Wake up dead? Of course, I mean me. It would be proper Inspector. To go with another song, “I’m way too good at goodbyes,” If I say them…

For example, if you’re waiting for another reason why I’m late talking to you, Inspector… I swear my dick has gone from two blonde models to a princess. There was Kaycee Barnes, Sandra McCoy, and Diane Lane “Unfaithful. A plethora of British BBWs, for sure. Hannah Harper and resting with Harmony Reigns “Fake Driving School.” So, the third song of the day? “Don’t know why I didn’t come.” Thank you, Norah Jones. I swear, Echo, geez. The days when I could watch porn and get back to business. Madness, Inspector. There’s the business of the Day Job when I walk out at the end of my shift. That’s that, ha. And, of course, my worst goodbye… besides my son leaving. Waking up in the morning

That’s because as soon as I turn on any of these screens. There’s always something, Inspector. Do you want to know what has me depressed today? Pop Culture whore… (Goes all Amanda Bynes, Ask Ashley) “THAT’S ME!” E, I’m going to get pretty stupid. Okay, so Carlie Jo is getting married. So is Suzy Lu. You can add Shelby from “Girlfriend Reviews to the list. Then Samantha “TBR Schmitt” is expecting. Becky Blow… pregnant. Now ask me, what the eff any of this has to do with me? Nothing. And I’m glad for them. But what have I said about manhood and fatherhood? Family? Killed my son, B III. There’s my Olds, my sister, Virgil? Love and Happiness? I think not. B It Goodbye Virgil

815 Days Without B III, Day 256 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 297 ~A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience~

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I’d say I’m a patient human being. A waiting or sick one? One more question and no wisdom. Then I’m rushing to get out of everyone’s way or to get them out of my face. Now Braxton could be Zen. Virgil’s scared. A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience.

Monday, April 24, 2023

Saga 297 ~A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… But what Billionaire do you know has patience? Then again, what do I know of money, Madam?

I want to say the boys (Braxton and Virgil) have taught me plenty. Hell! I’m still waiting for Braxton to return… I’ll be waiting, always. Even now, calling, Braxton! Madam, even when he was an old man… forever my little boy. Nevertheless fifteen. Madam, I would wait for him unless I saw he was in pain. Braxton had so much living left to do. One of the common questions when it comes to euthanasia is the timing. And how long was it before Virgil Vivi came into this world? By my count, 559 days ago after Braxton’s passing? Own it? Own them both! I killed Braxton and brought Virgil here. There was something I heard once about the time between murders. Am I not merciful?

I’m patient. Because, as the song goes, “I’m just a sucker for pain.” My own, to be honest, Madam. One of the few things I’ll admit to owning. A sadist, “pretending.” Masochist, if anything. I don’t want to hurt anyone… outside the bedroom. Ok, that’s a big lie for sure. But speaking physically, I believe everyone runs as hot as me. Like speed, sins, and sexually. Why am I always lying? Sex is the one area taken “Nice & Slow,” Madam. Only I feel as though I’m wasting everyone’s time. What? By merely existing. Patience, Madam. Mentally, never. I want to learn because stupidity is a disease. Knowledge is Power. Education is Freedom. I both had no patience, and I was too slow. Obtaining wisdom

I love my Braxton. That’s 18 years, two months, and 24 days. I’m sure one of these days; I’ll read a book that convinces me that his death wasn’t my doing. Perhaps to cherish Virgil. Yeah. as I’m “Patiently Waiting” to see that girl’s yabbos or another one’s ta-tas. And speaking of my imagination, it’s been 115 days since the last release. Madam? Dammit! I’m waiting to be a better person. Last week I talked about staring at the “Man in the Mirror” for 38 years. Who are you? What’s wrong with you? What the fuck? I could continue. It’s like being back in class and writing out the problems. I never knew the answers. Will they come? Different questions? A Person’s Wisdom Yields Patience.

813 Days Without B III, Day 254 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 292 ~Humiliations B Gone Virgil~

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Of all the words … I would say LOVE is the most misunderstood. But then again. “This Is America.” The one that nobody seems to get is FREEDOM. Now if you ask me to stay in my lane as a black man. My word is Humiliation. Humiliations B Gone Virgil

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Saga 292 ~Humiliations B Gone Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and as much as I act like a Republican and an “American Idiot.” One word… FREEDOM!!!

No, I haven’t screamed that at the top of my lungs while I don’t know. Trying to storm the capital, going on right-wing news, or being disemboweled… eww. (Shudders). Now you know why I take treachery, treason, so damn seriously. My punishment for B? What day is it, 808? But also I’m time traveling. So I don’t know what humiliations I’ve faced on this day. At this precise moment, though, I’m humiliated and embarrassed. What about motivation? One of these days, I’m not sure before this one, I meditated, Echo. For the record, today’s meditation was horrible. I have to find the time. Time Inspector. We’ll get to that. Anyway, in one of the better meditations. They ask for the WHY. There it was, FREEDOM!

The FREEDOM to be humiliated? I was thinking about Bella Thorne last night. Oh! Not for that Inspector? Sorry Bella Thorne. I like “Lonely” and all but Inspector. I’m “freaky.” Freaky but not a freak, and we go all into that, okay. It’s like Dennis Leary in this movie um:

“I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to. Okay, pal?”
Demolition Man

Now if I were a better “man,” I might go the route of Posse (1993). A great man like King David (from the film) though I want to be Jesse Lee. Revenge? That’s something else I can say I want. Much like that feeling for “Sexual Healing,” it comes and goes. Did I say that?

“I’m talking about revolution without bullets. Revolution without violence or bloodshed. It’s easier to shoot a gun than it is to read a book. It’s easier to take a man’s life than it is to educate him and teach him about life. It’s easier to hate than it is to love.The revolution I’m talking about is a revolution of the mind and the spirit. And education, that’s the key. Education leads to freedom. Education is freedom. Education will teach you how to do it yourself as opposed to asking someone else to do it for you. And around it our own town… Freemanville!”
Posse (1993)

And 1993 was a good year, but what about something more current? Sucker Punch (2011) What’s My Age Again? Anyway:

“All I require from you is a slither of a moment. To have you not by force, but simply as a man and a women. To see in your eye, that simple truth, that you give yourself to me freely. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Now of course, for such a gem, I will give as well. I’m willing to give you freedom. Pure and total freedom. Freedom from the drudgery of everyday life. Freedom as abstract ideal. Freedom from pain. Freedom from responsibility. Freedom from guilt. From regret. Freedom from sadness. Freedom from loss. The freedom to be happy. Don’t close your eyes; I need you to look at me. The freedom to love.”
Deleted Scene, Sucker Punch (2011)

Okay, so FREEDOM or Humiliation? You know, I erased something I wanted to say, Echo. I talked about LUST a few days ago. Hell! The FREEDOM to be “As Nasty as They Wanna Be.” I’m way worse, Dear Echo. But that’s not why I’m a sinner, ashamed, and uh, guilty. A father’s greatest Humiliation is to be he who failed his children. Well, only Braxton. There’s the freeloader. I have to stop thinking that about Virgil Vivi. I know, Inspector. Do I want some FREEDOM back being without him? As if I’ve had FREEDOM Inspector. Even now, I sit here… I wanted to say a slave. Too far, Inspector? Much! But that is to exist. “Welcome to My Life” If only Humiliations B Gone Virgil.

808 Days Without B III, Day 249 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 290 ~Some Are Born Many Times~

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Well, did I survive the day? Are we talking today or Monday? I was dead this morning when I cut off the alarm at 4:00 AM. Then spent 1:00 PM edging. And I’m sure I did something STUPID today. But I got the right rule down… “Some Are Born Many Times.”

Monday, April 17, 2023

Saga 290 ~Some Are Born Many Times~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… so seeing that money is no object, let’s see if I can get this right today hmm.

As I’ve died so many times. But I only need to get it right once. Only you’ve never seen me write a goodbye… um, a suici… I’ve never said, “I’m going to see my son, so take care, everybody.” Please! Madam, I’m more inclined to go all in with this. “My respects to all friends, confusion to all enemies. God bless you. Take care of my little boy.” The Alamo. That’s from the 2004 edition, to be precise, Madam. How I hate counting these years. Talking to Lady Lunalesca today… It’s Saturday, April 15, 2023. So yes, I’m time-traveling. Even now, I wonder why. As I took a catnap, once again, I hoped, “prayed” I wouldn’t wake up Madam. Reincarnation’s a bitch. Braxton understands that.

I told Lunalesca that, approaching thirty-nine. I see how I’ve wasted this entire existence (sigh). Not that I ever asked for it. Or the fact that I have to relive it again and again, hmm. I keep telling myself that when I go to the Day Job. And they ask how I’m doing. I’ll say: “I’m waiting to see who will piss me off today.” It’s more like, “I’m waiting to see what kills me.” As the song goes, “You make me wanna die. I’ll never be good enough.” I don’t have to wait for them, dammit. The fact that we’re talking today… Dying. Yesterday or a few days before, I let the Day Job take this Monday and why. The cash to live, ha-ha?

If I told you about every single time I died. Much like The Cherry Collision. Or The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Hell! I have pictures. NSFW work, though, Madam. Of course, there is Sunday, January 31, 2021. It was around 4:00 PM Braxton passed. Madam, Thursday, June 3, 2021. The day my “grief” ended? Never! But my cock gushed. Tuesday, January 11, 2022, The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. The first time I needed a doc for something besides my eyes. And how do I feel now, with The Cherry Collision? Monday, January 30, 2023. The day I stunk worse than my Granddad—his funeral day. Then there’s E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. What about tomorrow Madam? Unlike Braxton, I die, return… Some Are Born Many Times.

806 Days Without B III, Day 247 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

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Are dogs colorblind? One of my last memories of Braxton, when he was nearly blind, was his running from his granddad into my arms. Hell! Green to live. Make his stepmom turn red. Black to join him. And V’s white. “Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors”

Wednesday, April 13, 2023

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m not in the lot that can paint with all the colors of the wind.

Hell! I’m having trouble seeing black and white. So that’s today’s first humiliation, sin. I’m time traveling, so today is Monday, April 10, 2023. Meaning this week’s gonna suck. Anyway, today I was supposed to write about Rule 287, “Some Are Born Many Times.” (Sigh) I’m still always thinking about my son. And his lack of reincarnation. V’s colors. Let me get this out. So I couldn’t read what I’d typed prior. And by accident, I repeated Rule 284. “Your Punchline Means My Punches.” Seriously, everything was sharper Sunday. Speaking of which, again, there’s Braxton and his brown, beige, or bronze coloring. My boy is/was the most beautiful thing ever. Then I remember seeing Virgil… Like Braxton spoke, “Can’t get more black and white, Dad.”

That was a mistake. Or maybe I’m crazy. I adored the brown around Virgil’s eyes. Inspector, you know I have an eye for the most beautiful things. Despite their expense. Shouldn’t I be eyeing green as in dollars? Again my focus has been shot to Hell. Well, since Sunday night. That was my loneliest time. Remember? The longest night without B. That was by the time you read this 801 days ago. Inspector, yesterday… I humiliated myself. Begging a girl I found on OnlyFans. Oops! Where’s all my money gone? As always, I would have spent way more than that for the “Lady In Red.” And no, I’m not talking about Ariela in Dirty Latina Maids. Though remembering her Inspector… Opening my eyes now. Woke!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention today’s shooting. Well, Monday. How does anybody open their eyes anymore? Hell! How does the GOP even sleep, hmm? Money, Inspector? Again something else we have in common because I would rather be lost to the blackness. Inspector, what I mean is, if I had my way. I’d be with my B III… Know what that means? I would lose myself to the darkness I have inside me. Always and forever, Inspector. Braxton’s little brown hairs on my clothes. His love and protection. My pendant of us. And Virgil is as white as a ghost, ha-ha. But three black spots and brown around his eyes that wait. Everyone’s waiting for the black man. Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors.

801 Days Without B III, Day 242 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will