Saga 283 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth,” I believe that was Tyson. One more reason I love B. He didn’t talk much, and he barked at everyone else. Then there are earbuds. But I talk to myself… oh no! Your Punchline Means My Punches.

Monday, April 10, 2023

Saga 283 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Fourth Rule

NOTE: I wrote about this effing rule twice! So much for my focus and concentration!

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… Now that’s funny. But I can buy more than $10.00 Walmart earbuds with that money. Work harder?

I rather hurt my ears than my hands today. However, considering what time it is. I did both this morning. Must have. I punched out a clock or went deaf. Who knows. Well, Braxton would or does… I’ve talked about the looks he’d give me; what I wouldn’t give for one of those looks now. And I try to recreate them with Virgil. He’s not Triple B, reincarnated. Oh, I’m reading yet another book on dying fur babies. Find that funny, huh? Not you, of course, Madam. You and all the girls know how I feel about my son. And with everything people have made fun of me about. Even the universe knows that my B III. He’s off-limits. Unheard, unseen… humor; why so serious

Only there’s plenty to make fun of me about. Though if we’re talking about something like last night… I’ll say I’m more sad and pathetic than angry. If Cherry understood. Okay, last night I spent more money, $35.00, to see some titties. Online strippers (sigh). There’s always the fact that I’m begging to see Cherry’s yabbos and M Anime. Haven’t I said before men and women can’t be friends? Friends, but there’s always, um, desire…

Hell! Braxton was my best friend, and I effed him worse than anybody. I killed him.

Anyway, there was this other girl who reminded me somewhat of cuckolding. Maybe that was General Hospital when Elizabeth was sleeping with Lucky’s half-brother. Getting way off the subject… I don’t care for laughter.

So what joke gets me to punch someone in the face? I’m surprised I still have the Day Job for one. Again I killed my son. Euthanasia. I don’t need the cops outside the door like last night. Well, that was more Fire Department and an Ambulance for the neighbors.

Punishment for what happened to Braxton. I still deserve it. But yes, I’m frightened (sigh). In a way, Madam, I’m so busy hurting myself in this way or that. The Cherry Collision or denying myself release from pornographic passions… It’s easy to get angry. Rageful. Madam, this existence is a joke. And when other people remind me of it… Madness. That’s why I like hearing about “My Dick.” No Joke? Your Punchline Means My Punches

799 Days Without B III, Day 240 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

What do you want to be when you grow up? Or who? I wanted to be Dennis Hof, and Braxton would be my Domino. I wouldn’t mind switching places with Johnny Sins. I want to write. Hell! To have a family. But where in this existence… Placed For B, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I want to build myself a world; belong to one. Or bring my Braxton back.

But there is no place for either one of us here. I found that out yet again yesterday. And all day today, I’ve been losing my effing mind thinking… What happens to Virgil if I leave in one way or another? Speaking of which, I need to set up his vet appointment after counting so much cash. I would have more if my place weren’t in this bedroom. Hell! I should appreciate it, right, Inspector? Again I was terrified today. Effing Day Job. Then again, don’t I belong in Hell? I murdered my son, for starters. (Sigh) Inspector. There’s a word for what I’ve done… euthanasia. A place for my GRIEF, Inspector. Books. And then there’s my FEAR, DEPRESSION, and my endless RAGE. Going nowhere

Monsters live in nightmares, which is why I’m always dreaming. I am an effing monster. But at least that means there’s somewhere to go. There’s nowhere to be, Inspector, as I lied here last night with another foot in my ass again. And yes, Inspector, it was a well-deserved kick, even if I don’t know the circumstances. So, when have I ever been told such? Anyway, I was reading. And the book, like many others, talked about Braxton living within. Fair enough. But I see where his bed has moved. Inspector, his pillow was destroyed. Who’s eating out of his bowls now? And sleeping by my side as he has nowhere to be now? And like Virgil, I find myself placed and displaced. Always, forever

Ask me where I want to be, and the answer is simple. I want to be with Braxton. One more reason I’m mad at Virgil. Not abusive, only angry. And that’s not his fault. More mine for my cowardice that I didn’t join B III when I had the chance. I’m not learning from history. Republican 101. Except I don’t have a chance in Hell. Of sleeping with Stormy Daniels. With the lack of funds, between ensuring Virgil doesn’t suffer, Braxton’s Barks final fate ha. There’s always Akane wa Tsumare Somerareru and Saimin Seishidou, Inspector. Inspector, I could be creating the world of my dreams. Being a family man, an effing pervert, an effing man. Braxton’s Father. Monster, Savage, Human, gone. Placed For B, Virgil

794 Days Without B III, Day 235 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 276 ~Sanity Is A Valuable Possession~

My head hurts or heads… Know why? Don’t stick your dick in crazy. And at the same time, don’t get out of bed in the morning. If I had my way, I wouldn’t. Hell, I would have joined my boy wherever he went. Insane idea? Sanity Is A Valuable Possession.

Monday, April 3, 2023

Saga 276 ~Sanity Is A Valuable Possession~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. When will that be true? Here’s a better question. When will I be healthy… um physically? Mentally (cue) Am I A Psycho?

Because SANE? No! Which already puts me in a bad position. What would you call being SAD for 792 days and counting? Despite every emotion. Why? MY SON IS DEAD! Braxton is gone, Madam. Now I’ve been sad before. Hell! Long before ever meeting him. I can’t say I’ve ever been a bastion of sanity. And with the world, as it is. We’re all broke. At least when it comes to our reason, all I have are excuses. I’m an effing Republican; because I’m not reasonable, ready, or right ever. Madam, accepting my effing insanity. Singing, “But I can’t walk on the path of the right because I’m wrong.” Again as I’ve said, I’ll take physical pain over any and all mental anguish, dear Madam.

Because SICKNESS? That’s what I thought about all day at the Day Job; that I deserve this pain. And why? Because of what I did to my boy? I’ll never forgive myself for that sin. So every day, I wake up with the thought of joining Triple B whenever. Madam, this morning as I was brushing my teeth, I found my hand was bloody. I went from, “is this a tooth,” to “it’s finally happening; I’m dying.” I think it’s from where I cut my chin shaving… But that’s not healthy. To be so in love with the idea of death. Zombies, Necromancy, Infection, etc… At least if I’m hurt, I’m not thinking about other things; if you knew what I was thinking Sunday afternoon.

Because SEX? Some people want life to be like some musical; I see existence as one huge porno set. Yesterday it was Street Blowjobs. I told this story before about the lady at the store years ago. The blonde that asked for money. If I had been a better man… or a worse one? Anyway, different woman, same scenario. And I flat-out refused to give anything. Madam, if only she had been prettier. I could have closed my eyes, Madam. Wouldn’t that make it harder to read… no offense to the braille or audiobooks. I’m thinking of those two stories on that app I saw this morning. Maddening being sexual. Because my desires aren’t sane, my existence found lacking… whatever. Sanity Is A Valuable Possession.

792 Days Without B III, Day 233 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 271 ~One B, Double V~

Double V victory abroad and at the house. The world kicks my ass daily, but I always return to B III. Now the world continues, and when I get back… Virgil is fighting his loneliness and the little he knows about the world. “One B, Double V”

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Saga 271 ~One B, Double V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even being wealthy enough to buy a time machine, I wouldn’t change Braxton’s name. Neo…

Once again, Inspector, you know how I am. When my Humiliations Galore pays a visit… I need my greatest pain. I need to go all Dido “that it’s not so bad. It’s not so bad.” Humiliations Galore are nothing to the simple truth that B, my perfect little boy, died. Only I didn’t know he was/is perfect at the time. If you had asked me, would I rather have a woman or my son… I’d never touch my dick again if you told me I could have my B III. In case you’re wondering why I’m calling you so late. “Don’t worry about a thing. Cause every little thing, gonna be all right,” as the song goes. I was all about Pop Culture yesterday too.

But besides all the Pop and thinking about my cock. Before talking to you, there were “People of Color.” I wonder did I pick that up in “A Black Women’s History of the United States.” Yes, Inspector, I read until I reached 75%. Tomorrow will be 90%, and Friday. But let’s stick with today and the fact that I couldn’t tell you what I retained (sigh). The GOP would be pleased. But still, I want to buy every book on African Americans and dead fur babies I can get my hands on. Even if I don’t remember a damn sentence. That’s the thing, Inspector; I would instead feel good over being smart. The Kindle Challenge? Finishing it is no accomplishment… But to win? Having that?

When I was in junior high. And then high school, there was a neighbor kid across the street, Inspector. He whipped my ass in Mario Kart every day. And do you know what I learned? Second place is okay. Now it’s not, but the fact remains I always settle Inspector. Again I can’t tell you anything about the book I’m reading but having fifteen bookmarks. I don’t want to think about love anymore. But I can do lust all day even if I’m not getting off ever. “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad,” like the song says, and I can go and exist as such, I know. But Braxton to Virgil? Neither Virgil nor I want to be second. The fight to be. Him and I? One B, Double V

787 Days Without B III, Day 228 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 269 ~We Cannot Learn Without Pain~

Didn’t I say I’ll break a hand someday? It hasn’t happened. At least I’d have an excuse. Not to pet Virgil. Or pound away at keys for… reasons. And yes, the palms of my hands are filled with… Anyway, existence is pain. “We Cannot Learn Without Pain.”

Monday, March 27, 2023

Saga 269 ~We Cannot Learn Without Pain~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or if I decided to be honest. I’m just a sucker for pain, as the song goes.

Of course, not a day goes by; I don’t think about the pain that defines this existence—my son’s death. Has a day gone by that I haven’t brought up Braxton Barks Bradford? And what did I learn from his leaving me? Well, more like his murder. THEY say at the Day Job with all the Humiliations Galore that goes on there. My face turns red. Well, tries. But it’s my hands, Madam. What color was the pen I used singing Braxton’s euthanasia? The Hell if I know. But my hands are red with his blood. Gray or black with B’s ash, hmm? I’m not opening that box again. What about B’s memorial, the money, and the memories? So many pictures I should look at.

Because everything hurts so much, and I’m still so effing STUPID. That happens when you’re busy pounding away on one head and ignoring the other. Oh, with these hands, Madam. With these hands. I can’t say I use them for anything that resembles love. LUST? I could go on and on about that. But first, I’m talking to you on Sunday, March 26, 2023. And I’m trying to keep my hands off my dick. Or from typing perverted desires. Why do you think I keep repeating The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022? And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. I didn’t learn from one, so here I am, suffering. Will the pain subside after the lesson has been learned? Or vitamins…

And what did Virgil Vivi do to deserve the pain he’s in? He’s sitting in Braxton’s room because… I could give you an excuse Madam. I’ve been rereading a lot of quotes from all those dead fur baby books. About when I thought B III would be reincarnated and return. All the books I read only to remain STUPID. I should join the Republican Party. Only they don’t read, and the only burning I’m doing is the heat here. Me, being effing horny and waiting on my time in Hell. That’s right. The Day Job again. What’s there to learn? Madam, I want to join my boy. But he wasn’t smart enough to leave. Harsh! I decided that for him. We Cannot Learn Without Pain.

785 Days Without B III, Day 226 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 264 ~ Virgil’s Escape, Plan B~

I thought Virgil didn’t have initiative. He’s been sniffing at a gap in the fence after learning to navigate the stairs. I’ve taught him to run away. But for me, welcome to Hell. I know I’m not escaping and even fun things… “Virgil’s Escape, Plan B.”

Wednesday, March 22, 2023

Saga 264 ~ Virgil’s Escape, Plan B~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford to fix the fence. Virgil’s already sniffing around, looking to escape.

But of course, me being the selfish A-hole I am. Let’s talk about me and my plan B as in… Yeah, you guessed it. I want to be with my boy. I should have followed Braxton. Oh, how many days has it been? 780 days and counting, Inspector. All I do is count these days. Effing inventory! But that’s for another time. What was I doing Monday, March 20, 2023; well, after kicking Virgil out for some alone time. No, Echo, not to masturbate, thankfully. Only I did lie in bed naked and thought of something that hadn’t come to mind in so many years. I imagine it was during my religious phase. Or let’s say, um, spiritual… “Astral Projection.” And so I tried it.

I’m going to have to buy some new books on the subject. I’ve forgotten everything. Inspector, how books were once an escape from life. I can’t even do that anymore; reading anything I want? And don’t get me wrong. I’m not hating on current material. Monday, I’m reading “A Black Women’s History of the United States.” Sunday, was “Carry On: Reflections for a New Generation.” Before I read “How to Be an Antiracist” and “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Movie Theater.” Black skin, white titties. And to be honest with you, Inspector Echo, I want to read about more dead fur babies. But that’s not an escape. Is it? Ask me where I want to be; it’s simple. Holding breathing, Braxton. To escape my grief… NEVER.

Hell! I don’t even know where to run to anymore. “Run To You,” right, Inspector? Writing in general. I mean, I hate the Day Job. I wish to honor my son. I need a doctor. What about providing for the freeloader… um, Virgil. Again I also need a new fence. Letting Virgil escape? One way or another, he’ll end up in a box. Right beside my Braxton, won’t V? Funny he sleeps on the left side. So even now, Braxton is there looking over him. I’m not looking at other “boxes,” if you get my meaning. Pornography, effing no. Effing Republican, am I right? Keeping him away from XXX. But the gun’s in the drawer. Hedonism, Sadism, a release, escaping existence. Virgil’s Escape, Plan B.

780 Days Without B III, Day 221 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 262 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

I’m going to break a hand someday. Will it be on the shower tile, a Day Job locker, or will I finally go all out? Everything happens for a reason. When my ears were stopped up, and I couldn’t hear people’s jokes? Your Punchline Means My Punches.

Monday, March 20, 2023

Saga 262 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Forth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And hopefully, I don’t get as raw-dogged as all the others. Always practice safe sex, guys ha-ha.

Why am I laughing? For all the people that make fun of me, you know who’s the worst. I think Taylor Swift had it right “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” Braxton’s knowledge. That’s why he would stomp on my head every morning. Oh, look, here’s my tears for this morning. All I have to do is remember that his purpose was to protect, save, and love. And if punching me in the face with those little legs did the trick. Well, then do it. My Braxton. While I’m all in a musical mood, “It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy.” Braxton protected me from bullies. The two biggest being my old man and me.” The mirror Madam… SIGH

Nah! “I’ll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror.” Hah! Do I not want to eff Taylor Swift anymore? Trust me, Madam. We’ll get to that. Trump was staring at the sun. He’s one sad joke. But I’m usually up before the sun. Even if it’s not at 4AM as I planned. Now if I were a better man, I would change “sun” to “son.” Braxton’s eyes served as a mirror. Only within them, I saw a much better man. Somebody I wanted to be. Not now. Every day if I don’t start the day thinking, “my son is dead,” it’s, “I’ll join him, my B III.” It wouldn’t be a punch in the gut to anyone. Then again, no more jokes.

Punchlines! And here’s another one, Madam. The phone has become the sun. Oh, the light. And I spend at least a half hour punching at the bedsheets. Wayward dick Madam. Staring at orbs, I want more than any sun. Those are called breasts, tits, yabbos, fun bags, dirty pillows, etc. To think of such a release Madam. But instead, I get so angry. Please! Not at women. It’s the fact that I have to punch into the Day Job, and for what now, hmm? It was wanting to throw punches in that Hell. Even after saying the comedian is dead. Myself. But no! I let those bastards’ punchlines go unpunched, and Braxton paid the price. Virgil’s no joke, me neither. Your Punchline Means My Punches

778 Days Without B III, Day 219 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

I haven’t cried today. I can’t afford it. But you know how I begin the day. If I had billions, I wouldn’t be doing “that.” The Day Job pay is crap, but I find the time to teach 2V to go down the stairs so he can take one. “Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time”

Wednesday, March 15, 2023

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This leaves me more time to cry… or not. I wouldn’t be one for servants. Norman…

You know, the butler from “The Big O” series. If it was between Bruce Wayne’s “Alfred and Roger Smith’s “Norman?” I’d choose Norman, I know. Debates in the shower. Inspector, that’s when I’m not jerking it to Madison Paige. Oh, we’ll get to that soon. Today’s point is Inspector: I can’t stand the pain even though it’s well deserved. Inspector, it’s Times Like These; I want to spill any other fluid. Endure and Survive. Sunday, so the last episode of The Last of Us, which I’ve been thinking about. That and the fact that I like the sound of the rain. Drowning out all the hurt in water, Inspector? One of “my” greatest fears is drowning. (Shudders). I even have a deal with Braxton’s Aunt.

If the end comes by “The Way of Water,” she will fetch me with a boat. How did Noah do it? It wasn’t a boat big enough for all the tears I shed when B died. Have I cried today? I’m sure Braxton’s Aunt has. She and her husband lost their fur baby, Midnight, Inspector. If it’s not grief, then it’s fear. I’m sure I brought up what some reactor said about the three emotions of sadness, fear, and anger. Of everything I have to be scared of today. Cherry wrote a play that shows what a fucked up person I am. Abusive stories Inspector. Only I’m not angry at her at all. If anything, I’m mad at myself for several reasons. Spitting, Sweating, Sick

But as long as V’s ok? He can use the stairs by himself for the most part. V lacks initiative. Well, not when it comes to the gate. He’ll go on the carpet if I leave him on the floor. Inspector, I could kick him out then… back to Braxton’s Room and be alone edging. Which, of course, is how I ended up sick. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Last week I thought I was healing… Inspector, it’s a million times worse now. And now I go back and forth between needing a doctor and saying I got what I effing deserve. Effing dark. Inspector, what becomes of Virgil without me? Braxton? Virgil’s time? Mine? What do I do? Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time

773 Days Without B III, Day 214 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 255 ~Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous~

Desperate times, desperate measures? I’m desperate. If I had my way, I’d be with my boy. But I’m desperate enough to keep existing. Working a Day Job, which I hate. Watching dirty things, dealing with my Olds. “Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous.”

Monday, March 13, 2023

Saga 255 ~Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I will never be desperate again. (Snorts Loudly). Have you seen most billionaires these days?

Hell! It’s like me trying to save my B III’s life again. Yes, I’m crying again. And I’m sure a tear or two is about him now… Time Travel, Madam. Those meds for his appetite… Desperate, like when Cherry was pulling off her famous red lingerie. What I would give to see her put whip cream on her nips. The way she took the treat in her mouth. Oh, fuck! I was desperate. It’s like that time I went to summer school. All I wanted was a D-average so my father wouldn’t beat my ass. He said it wasn’t even the money but the time. Fucking time. Again it’s Saturday, March 11, 2023, and what was I doing before two? Wasting time fucking… well, masturbating.

Other than prayers for B, crying for him. The way this heart shattered that day… Do you remember how I said I’d burn the world down if I blamed anybody? Other than myself? A monster, a murderer, I’m just a “man.” And is there worse? Um, The Last of Us… Madam. I mean that the show teaches that it’s not the Infected that are the monsters but mankind itself. I should know, right? Once again, what I want more than B III alive beside me… A woman, women? I want to be Dennis Hof or Hugh Hefner. Dark things. Like revenge, Madam? And I’m not trying to sound like some Incel freak. You know who I would punish. Um, me, the man in the mirror.

And yet I am desperate enough to try and save my existence. It’s why I still have the Day Job, isn’t it? I ignored Braxton because I thought he needed the money more than me. Madam. Every day I bawl up my fists and smash them into bathroom walls. Lockers? Hoping nobody in the breakroom can hear me. Such is my rage. At everything, everyone. I’ve given up trying to be a hero because hoping for something. Debated myself before. Sadness, Fear, Hatred vs. Hope. Rules four and five. I can’t die until Braxton’s book… This is why I’m desperate enough to ignore everything. A little bit for this conversation. Good Luck! Because I am always desperate enough to sin. Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous.

771 Days Without B III, Day 212 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

B III and I are two peas when it comes to women. Nothing against Baby Got Back, but we’re trying to be the breast men we can… excuse me? I’m trying to be The Best Man I Can Be. Ha! But I did hope he’d have a mom. And Virgil? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

Wednesday, March 8, 2023

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now but not a single father. At least not again… not yet. Isn’t Braxton still here? Spirit.

And mine is gone. Now I’m crying again. It was good while it lasted. Angry, Antsy, and Always thinking about Braxton Barks. But I wasn’t crying until this moment. Inevitable. When I think about LOVE, I think about my son. Nothing more, nothing less, Inspector. Now LUST? Because I can’t think of falling in love. Not right now. Great Expectations. And fuck I had a lot of those Tuesday. Such was my great sin. Well, other than my boy B. It always goes back to that. But if it wasn’t B’s murder. I have so many other regrets as well. For example, I wanted to find him a Ma. He had my sister. Or did he ever? My B III. And his aunt… um, boobs?

So um yeah, ok, Tuesday. First and foremost, what the fuck is wrong with me talking to Cherry like that? Um, yep, I keep up with Triple B’s absence. 766 days. V’s arrival, 207 days. But how long can I keep my dick in my pants? The fuck if I know. Only how long can I keep from cumming… I should rephrase that. When was the last time I had a release? Apps can be fantastic… It’s been 68 days. When B III died, I went for exactly 161 days, Echo. Anyway, yesterday, while losing my fucking mind, I started talking on Onlyfans. Uh yep. It’s the usual mess, needing help with a bill, half-off for your assistance, etc. Inspector. Fucking moron… That’s me. Right?

Anyway, I paid. And again, I tried talking to Cherry like a skeevy, perverted, deviant. Inspector, it doesn’t help. Well, I start looking up Milf Dos, and I send the OnlyFans girl some dick pics. I told her what I wanted, ok. And surprise, surprise, can you guess what, hmm? I would have been better off saving up for a new sex toy. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Today I do feel as though I’m healing without medication. Inspector, I was out Sunday. No woman looking after me… My Ma paying my bills… International Women’s Day and all. “I’ll Always Love My Mama. Besides her, it’s been Gabbie Carter, Momokun, Day Job lady. But being in love, a meeting? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

766 Days Without B III, Day 207 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will