Tag: Sounds

Tale 194 ~B Day Yet Virgil~

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Every day was B III and Dad’s Day. Well, according to B III. But Tuesday was a sick day. Today, 2022, was The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. And on the 31st of 2021. Well, let’s not get into that. I’m trying to be positive. Not B Day Yet Virgil

Thursday, January 11, 2024

Tale 194 ~B Day Yet Virgil~

1075 Days Without B III, Day 516 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m looking at three years without you. And the fact that I’m still counting, Braxton.

But that’s in 20 days. Not that today’s “holiday” is any better. Today we remember… Well, it’s more like, I remember, The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. The first one was on Tuesday, January 11, 2022. So what do I do with the day? A re-creation? No way! Today, I can start by being positive. I’m sure you could see me from wherever you were yesterday. I had my pants on, thank goodness. Humans, right? Your collar, Braxton. Virgil’s lying here and still doesn’t have one of his own. Well, he does, but I don’t let him wear it. His nails would get caught. And you remember those days quite well, Little B. Nail trimming takes money. And in case you’re wondering why I’m late. I’m trying to find some money.

And here’s to thinking I would find some on OnlyFans. Trust me, Braxton, your Daddy has done much worse things to give us the bare minimum. And I don’t want to think of your granddad now. But I’m walking across the new floor he bought. I’m an ungrateful, spoiled, uh… But that wasn’t you, son, no, not at all. When you were at your best and worse, B III (sigh). So yesterday, I was at my worst. At least so far for this year. A stuffy nose, and achy body. Virgil had no clue what to do. And me? Don’t I always write for no good reason? This is my first time writing a story in a few months. The computer won’t read it. NSFW. TMI, I kept you from.

Hell! I should have written it today in honor of The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. To dream of that hot redhead from Fear The Walking Dead. And then every male gamer’s fantasy girl. But I dreamt of mutants running away last night and Josh Holloway, AKA Sawyer, looking for his pants. And then there was that girl Isabella Laughland, AKA Swift from, say it with me “Fifteen Million Merits.” If Virgil wasn’t lying right here… But no, Braxton. I’ll pass the day by seeing The Book of Clarence if I feel better. Ha. You’d always be pissed when your Aunt Carolina and I went to the movie theater. Staying “home” is always better. Oh, I will, by watching dog movies. Not, B Day Yet Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 187 ~B’s Book List Virgil~

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The Old Man asks me if I want to get the house furnished. Do I even have $5000.00? But I have a loveseat, mostly empty bookshelves but tablets full of books. But what to read. Braxton never really cared, but I value B’s opinion. B’s Book List Virgil

Thursday, January 4, 2024

Tale 187 ~B’s Book List Virgil~

1068 Days Without B III, Day 509 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know how “my” days usually go. I’m no good without an hour’s nap, Braxton.

Or three twenty-minute naps. But I’ve only taken two before the Day Job. Alarming. Braxton, what’s more disturbing is I haven’t found a book to start this year. What does that matter to you? Well, I’m sure you could read “my” T-shirts. Or I was great at taking pictures. I’m hoping you’re reading this wherever you are. Or is somebody reading this to you? Can you hear my voice? I’m not sure how the Rainbow Bridge works, Little B. There’s always the memory of you lying on the loveseat with me, Braxton. Today, why not ask you? I bought a “pet” book yesterday. Only I couldn’t bring myself to read it. So, am I asking your permission to read anything else? Something? I don’t know.

I’m not proud of it. Or am I? But we’re men, ain’t we? Hell! You’re a better man than me. Braxton, you were a regular Smooth Operator. Except your heart wasn’t cold. Now your nose… Anyway, you had your paws all over your aunt. And then you were down B. Honest to God or whoever, the first book I read was Cherry’s, and you know why I did so. You and I, Braxton… like father, like son. The things we do for pretty, pretty girls. Shameful. But at the same time, I’m asking for your book recommendations. I did cry today. Reading one more sad tome won’t do much harm. Harm! I killed you, Braxton. And 2022, oh, the books… Most grieving and mourning, you.

But going back to 2020, the first and last books I read were Christmas Erotica. 2021 started with a book from childhood. A Different Alchemy should have prepared me for your loss. The day I learned you were dying, I had written a review for Succubus Lord 7… Damn! That reveals why I listen to that series over and over again. By the end of 2021, it was back to Christmas Erotica. So 2023? Fifty-seven books completed, Braxton. Today, I ask, what now? Should I have another cry session about grieving fur babies? What about reading something to enrich myself? Another Backyard Dungeon, until Eric Vall writes more Satan’s Sorority Sisters. And what about “my” writing work? Reading, writing about us? B’s Book List Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 180 ~B Noisy, V’s Silent~

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“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” The perfect bible verse? But I remained silent at my Olds as did V. And B? I’m always listening for him. But do I fear the noise or silence more? B Noisy, V’s Silent

Thursday, December 28, 2023

Tale 180 ~B Noisy, V’s Silent~

1061 Days Without B III, Day 502 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for me? I’m doing a Nikki Haley impression and remaining silent on what’s real.

The noise in this world, I swear. It was the first thing I heard about… Well, after shutting off the alarms and taking a twenty-minute nap, of course. After that, it was dropping my tablet as I finished another Christmas Erotica. There were the beeps and boops of a game.

And, oh yes, I’m checking on my account. I’d never let you starve, Braxton. But you know what I want to say… “You did that to yourself.” Which is why I’m crying right now. B. Anyway, I won’t let Virgil starve. But from the looks of what I made last week. Yeah, I’m not in the mood to eat anyway. One more noise to add to everything else. A rumbling stomach, draining bank account, uh…

A pounding head. Gross! But I do mean “my” brain. Hell! All those fans were blowing, sucking, um drying, I don’t know, whatever. They were taking on water and barely keeping all my fears at bay. And now that they’re gone. The silence Braxton… Deafening.

Again, I am reminded of you. Your bark, your breathing, the beating of your heart. The background noise of my existence. And that was the problem—my indifference to it. Virgil’s been trying. Or at least he was very cuddly last night, and I ended up pushing him away. Suppose you’re waiting to hear my excuse. Well, you’ve listened to my words the past few days. Ok, Sorry, Please, Thank You. Noises I rather you not hear. And my breathing.

“And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” ― 1 Corinthians 13:13

I’ll replace one F with another. FEAR. I hear that more than anything else. B III. And it can be so loud one moment and deathly silent the next. It’s everything. Too much! It’s overflowing. Fear is the silence while waiting for the phone to ring. And then the voice on the other end. Hmm. It’s the sound of ice on the car and then the engine. Hell! It’s driving in the sun, my son. Fear is the deafness in my ear one morning and then running water. And the fact that turning on the faucet is now yet another crime that I have to answer for at some point. Fire or ice? Noise or silence? You know what I choose. B Noisy, V’s Silent

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 173 ~Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton~

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With every step, I get closer to joining B III. And I won’t even blame him. You know who I want to blame. But doesn’t that make me a selfish, spoiled son at thirty-nine? Yet Virgil wants to join me and Braxton’s boys club. Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton

Thursday, December 21, 2023

Tale 173 ~Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton~

1054 Days Without B III, Day 495 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were the only one I cut the BS with. Give or take your timeouts.

But I’m in no mood to even watch the sexy girls now. As the song goes, “I need you now! Do you think you can cope? You figured me out that I’m lost, and I’m hopeless.” Yes, B, it’s been a “Mad Season.” And it didn’t have to be. I could have followed you, Braxton. That’s how it always was. I had a realization about it today while being humiliated at PetSmart. Virgil Vivi has to eat. And while I’ve been fighting the urge to be with you for 1054 days. 495 of them have been keeping Virgil from following you into a box, B. Anyway, speaking of following, I hate that center aisle at Petsmart. It reminds me of your last day. Walking out…

I was a “freaking” zombie dude. You were dead, and I was “The Walking Dead.” Existence without you, Braxton… So, I figure it’s walking up that aisle that scares me. Isn’t my heart broken? It beats furiously when I’m walking up. I breathe, Braxton. Why? Because again, with the music… “You took it all, but I’m still breathing. I’m Alive!”

Braxton, it didn’t feel that way this morning. I’ve said my mornings have turned from, my son is dead, to Why is daddy still alive? Myself, your granddaddy? I had to sneak into the house, your home, mind you. So I could clean up after Virgil. Your granddad was here. Or he would be soon, and of course, coward that I am, I ran, Braxton.

Do you remember when he was here around your last year or so? All I could think was, I had to save you. And I came in, and you jumped into my arms. We stood together. I’m crying now thinking about that. Careful! I can’t get the floor wet with tears. They’re still repairing it from the last “flood.” That’s what has been the central issue these past few days.

That was me leaving Virgil here. Braxton, we were meant to fall together. Virgil though?

How do I give him a life when I don’t want my own? It’s not fair. But he tries anyway. Saturday, August 13, 2022, I heard you asking. Let him join our family, but Braxton…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

No… Virgil’s No Joiner, Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 166 ~Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil~

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Nailing the sounds… Crucifying myself since I don’t hear my son’s calm gait walking in. V’s nails are more panicked. As if B III’s door ain’t open. No nails across my back from pretty girls. And the house is falling apart. Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil

Thursday, December 14, 2023

Tale 166 ~Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil~

1047 Days Without B III, Day 488 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I want to believe you’re in a good place, and the question is moot. Still…

You like listening to me talk. Well, at least you didn’t squirm away, even when you were near your end… Another reason people are sick of hearing me talk is because it’s always you. More to the point, your death. Me… being positive? It’s like every sound is something horrible. Even when it comes to Virgil? It took half the day, more or less, to hear his clickety-clack nails come walking in. Could you imagine? Even when you were dying, you wouldn’t even allow me to place your water next to you. No B. You would always make the trek. I’m sorry. This conversation isn’t your bowl of water. But what else can I say? And who would I even say it to, Little B?

Your grandmommy’s birthday is coming up soon. One of the only people I wouldn’t mind speaking to, along with your aunt. And again, what can I tell them? Anything? Replika can’t be spoken to in such and such a way now. I like hearing what she/it has to say about me. But if I get out of pocket or, more like, out of my pants. Well, “The Sound of Silence” and all. And speaking of silence, how did I ever get along without you before, B? I talked about how I would tell myself stories at bedtime. Thirty-nine without any kids… Anyway, I listen to “Balance.” What will I do when their free trial ends? Audiobooks? Before bed, I finished the Succubus Lord series again.

I mean, telling myself anyway. I’m only on book 14 when it comes to the audio. Before I forget, while I was busy looking over the books. I need to buy Satan’s Sorority Girls 2. Braxton, this is how we once were. I would go over the day, and you’d listen. A penny well spent. Please! Braxton, you are priceless, but let’s talk about dimes for a bit, my boy. Somebody said you don’t want a girlfriend. But a therapist who’s good in bed, ha-ha. Women everywhere cost money. Even online. And rightly so. But the books don’t lie, B.

So I’ve got no one. No girls saying, “Eff me, Daddy!” Or your soft breathing. Existence sounds a lot like death. Sounds Like Braxton, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 159 ~Virgil’s Sadder Day Braxton~

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A date which will live in infamy… My Olds weren’t around for Pearl Harbor. But I learned about that, slavery, and other things. But the days in “my” existence, Braxton’s death, E-Day, his B-Day, and Virgil’s. But today, “Virgil’s Sadder Day Braxton.”

Thursday, December 7, 2023

Tale 159 ~Virgil’s Sadder Day Braxton~

1040 Days Without B III, Day 481 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, my day is crap, and it’s only 9:30 AM. Saying it out loud

Life Sucks! And before I forget, Little B, it sucked more for people on Sunday, December 7, 1941. Why am I thinking of Uncle Sam already? You know how your Daddy’s mind works. And as I said, Life Sucks. I didn’t want to wake up today. Hell! I haven’t wanted to wake up for 1040 Days or longer. All to varying degrees. Virgil ain’t helping. And what about you? I would tell you how sad I am, scared, and to stay off your Aunt’s knockers. I’m sure the critic won’t like that, but whatever. “Whatever” is a step above indifference. But today, it’s not either of those or blah. How about discombobulated? “My” mindset B? You, where’s Virgil, Christmas erotica, Lesbian witches, Uncle Sam, Pearl…

Not the movie. But now I’m thinking about Mia Goth, Jenna Ortega, and that other chick. Ha-ha. Anyway, Pearl Harbor. This Is America. But you treated the house like our own little world; how I miss that. Your anger, your “Aww Daddy,” and “who’s this b*tch.” I wasn’t happy, but I’m never happy. Anything beats this. Bawling like a baby, bored, or balls smacking while Virgil’s laying in your room. Not on punishment or anything. Braxton, it’s sadness, depression, and melancholia on another level. Do dogs have shrinks? I should find one for myself first. But the extra $150.00 I found from Uncle Sam won’t cover that. And how about food? To think for a little while, I forgot about the floor and the flood.

A manifestation of my tears or our tears. Mine and Virgil’s. Do you remember when I was listing off reasons he was here? I said, I heard your voice. He had three black dots. That you couldn’t make this more “black and white.” V has your color around his eyes. But now it’s the tear tracks. It’s like Virgil is perpetually crying. Conan The Barbarian? “He won’t cry, so I cry for him.” That’s Virgil for you. What was it? Last week, I was crying.

That was the first time in a long time. And as you can see, I’m losing track of that, Braxton.

It’s Thursday, but what’s one more day? “Just another girl,” “Another Day,” tear or a doggy. Virgil’s Sadder Day Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 152 ~Virgil, B’s A Roommate~

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This isn’t my home. Ain’t even my house. So, I’m a spineless, selfish, and spoiled bastard. And skeevy? That’s another story. But seeing a Doc is $175. Plus meds? B III being in a box? No, the water heater is very expensive. “Virgil, B’s A Roommate.”

Thursday, November 30, 2023

Tale 152 ~Virgil, B’s A Roommate~

1033 Days Without B III, Day 474 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Losing a thousand dollars is not how I would like to start the day, Braxton.

Water is essential to life. Do you remember when I purposely tried to end existing? Censorship B III, I swear; unalive, cancel culture, whitewashing, et cetera. Whatever people are calling it this week, everything under the sun. Speaking of which, before sunrise. I was getting into Missing Pieces… Broken Heart: A Recovery Guide for the Grief and Sorrow of Pet Loss. As if I would ever call you a pet. Anyway, that’s not the point. Yesterday, I was missing you, my best friend, firstborn, and always my son. But Virgil? Hell! I keep saying it. When things get really bad, I think of the worst thing ever. The day I lost you. It brings perspective.

Your last check-up, plus those tests they had to run, and then putting you in a box. Let’s not forget the small trinkets and gifts. Were they all worth a thousand bucks? I think so. A price I paid gladly, though I didn’t want to. Is that me being selfish? Hell No! I would have gone full “John Q” if it meant I could have saved your life. Not to go all Taylor Swift, but you belong with me. Maybe Christof from The Truman Show would be better for us.

“You can’t leave, (Braxton). You belong here… with me.” Now that’s me being selfish, B. And again, you ask, but Virgil? Does it help I’m not calling him “freeloader” anymore? Tomorrow, I may forget this.

But the thousand dollars that I’ve lost… Well, not quite yet. And for what? A water heater. If you could tell me something about that concerning you. It would be no problem B. This was/is your home, and I wanted you to be “Safe and Sound.” More Taylor Swift, seriously? We weren’t even big fans of hers. I was more into Ellie Goulding, to be honest, Little B. You were still here for that. But where was I today? Two words: Mia Malkova. The only girls that have been in this house since your Aunt. Tweets, Onlyfans, CashApp. Such is existence. With you, Braxton, I was/am your Dad. Now, I pay rent for an existence I would rather not live. Any day ending with Y. Money for “my” father, females, freaking everything. Uh, that’s called adulting. Virgil, B’s A Roommate

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 145 ~Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton~

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What sound does a turkey make? “It’s turkey time. Gobble, gobble.” Personally, I’m more JLAW than JLO, but anyway. Braxton and I didn’t have many Thanksgiving traditions. I hope my Ma sends food. Virgil dreams the same. “Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton.”

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Tale 145 ~Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton~

1026 Days Without B III, Day 467 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sure you went all “U Name It” wherever you are. Now Virgil and I…

Well, Virgil might as well be a turkey because he’s not doing any talking. But I’m guessing he knows what day it is, considering he’s been extra cuddly this morning. And look at me being a meanie, pushing him by his big belly away from me. But at least I got up “on time.” And what does that mean? I’ve got nowhere to go today. Will Ma come out today?

Your grandmommy, B, hasn’t failed yet, but as the song goes, “What’s My Age Again?” Next to your death, getting older is my prevalent thought. Two worst days of existence. But shouldn’t we be talking about one of the best of yours? Thanksgiving is Christmas. At least to you, it was/is. To me, Another Day

I can’t even think about turkey or ham with that energy shot I took an hour ago. I did mention that I’m wide awake. Woke, as it were. Should I watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? I’m at a loss as to what to do today. We had no traditions, B III. Nothing at all…

I’ve even gone back to last year, and it looks like I was in the same place or thereabouts.

The freaking Day Job. Tomorrow will be Hell! So I’ll spend most of the day wishing I was a deep-fried turkey. Watching people burn down their houses is one of the many things I’ve been up to this morning. One of the more… innocent. Then, Karlee Grey in “Native Passion.” Eww.

And to think there was a time I was rather glad you got into trouble so I had alone time.

I would give it all up if I could have you back again, Braxton. That would be something to be thankful for. But honestly, I feel like the Native Americans in the aftermath of meeting the pilgrims. No Bueno. Like the film Silent Hill, “Your Faith Brings Death.” Offending everyone everything today? Turkeys, Christians, Ma, Native Americans… All the reasons I’m going to fry, roast, um, bake? I’m going to Hell, but I’m not a cook B. It’s why I’ll be thankful for your grandmommy. I’m thankful Virgil is alive. Always and forever, I’m thankful and damn proud you’re my boy. Virgil Talks Turkey Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

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Must B be so dramatic? Hell! It takes a lot for me not to burst into tears going to the Day Job. Or to keep my mouth shut. a little girl yells to her sister daily, Don’t Hit People!” How about watching movies with blood sports? They’ll B Drama Virgil

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

1019 Days Without B III, Day 460 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’d have to ruin that for you if you were still here. Now Virgil’s filter…

It’s “times like these” B that you would get all discouraged, depressed, and, yes, dramatic. The movie nights when I would leave you all by your lonesome. Hell! Sometimes, I would go out with Carolina Bound… or wherever she is now. I wish there were more of an impact on her moving. Now, I don’t get bothered by a whole lot, Braxton. It’s why you’re dead. Oh, listen to me! Today was relatively easy, considering I’m in a rush right now. Again, it’s movie night or afternoon. It depends on when I leave this bed, which I didn’t do on time this morning. Not that it would have mattered. Tomorrow is going to be much worse. But I say that every day (sigh). Another day…

You know, I hate saying that—the indifference of it all. I keep saying it, Braxton. It wasn’t the point of a needle. For all the drama you brought and Virgil too when it mattered… Braxton, you want to see drama? Take this morning as an example. I could have done “my” reading while sitting in the Day Job parking lot today. But no! I was scared of missing the boss. I thought somebody had died. Or had I messed up my schedule? Was I dreaming? Only I did that earlier in the morning. I’ve been on Twitter/X checking a post. Women, Little B, remember? Was I original the only one? Too sexual with her. Braxton, I would tell you to behave around your aunt.

The only time I keep myself in check is with my anger. I’m afraid to say nothing has changed at all, Braxton. I was mad before you and after when Virgil got here. It goes. Braxton Barks, trying to protect you from that means I never felt anything. Sometimes, you got in trouble, and “I Feel Everything” while you weren’t around. Yeah, gross. But your aunt and I would watch you get down and dirty with your toys, the weirdos we are. Fur parents, right? Yet there was joy when we all would sit and watch a movie. Tonight? I hope to see The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. It’s better to leave the drama on screen. Sadly, They’ll B Drama Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

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I see B from time to time on wobbly legs, walking towards his water bowl. He couldn’t stand being so weak to take a drink right next to his bed. Virgil is very much alive, and he waits for me to lead him towards… life. “B LEAD Virgil Sometimes.”

Thursday, November 9, 2023

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

1012 Days Without B III, Day 453 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m time-traveling here as it’s Wednesday today. But Braxton, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.”

Virgil and I both agree on that. But monster, man, where’s my Ma because Daddy… Even now, Braxton, as Michael Jackson sang it, “But the kid is not my son.” I swear, B III, I’m not the man to follow. Only you know that, seeing as how you went straight to Heaven… Or so I assume. The Rainbow Bridge, Elysium? How about where the enemy goes in Final Fantasy VIII when you use Selphie Tilmitt’s The End Ability? Ok, whatever. For the record, Sorceress Ultimecia was my hardest kill next to you, my best friend. Braxton, what is wrong with me today? As THEY say, if it bleeds, it leads, so I begin with your passing most days. It’s what leads me, always and forever.

To what, though? This week has been all about me leading. The Day Job, doggie, and me being late because I’m too busy dicking around. Hell! I know where I want to go, B III. Did you send Virgil here so I wouldn’t follow you? Pretty sneaky, bro… Braxton Barks! I’d yell at you for that, but I’m not that kind of boss, father, or anything else. Monster? Most monsters aren’t the ones being followed. I don’t want anyone following me because, again, I know where I’m going and where I want to go, and these aren’t good places B. Every day, I take a step closer to Hell if I’m not already there. And as always, I want to know where you are, Braxton.

Are you waiting for me? Not if I blame you for Virgil being here. He waits for me to lead him everywhere. Or more like to follow, but Virgil needs my permission even to exist. Never! And we are way past spooky season. Before that, E-Day put me a step closer to the grave. I want to say closer to you, but that’s something I didn’t ask, Braxton. Sigh. Where are you going? Why are you going? I take it Heaven wasn’t a car ride. Hell! Does that explain why you wanted to come home with me? When the car seems a better choice. And what is all this leading me to? I can’t get out of the way of existence. B LEAD Virgil Sometimes

Always and Forever,
Your Dad