Tag: Therapy

Chronicle 192 ~B A Man Of…~

WillLeave a comment

Be a man of greatness now, kindness, wisdom, a man so humble. I’m not sure about all that, but I was better when Braxton was here. Sure I feel a twinge of “giving a shit” when I see such and such boobs or when reaching for tortilla chips. B A Man Of…

Sunday, January 9, 2022

Chronicle 192 ~B A Man Of…~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but does that make me a man? Well, what about you? 1984’s you are the last man.

No, you figured, you and Braxton would be apocalypse partners. But isn’t it ironic that the world ended Sunday, January 31, 2021, and here you are? As the song goes, “I walk a lonely road. The only one that I have ever known.” I have, and you will. It’s inevitable. Only for 343 Days so far. Speaking of the inevitable, missing Braxton, questioning manhood, how I miss music. Geez, this week is going to suck all the more without it. Look at it this way, as always. The Day Job is the third worse day, ok. Emergence Day, B’s Day. Neither made you a man. Hell, both days make you wish you were dead. Dangerous words. The Day Job’s Hell. Much like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading My Dog Has Died: What Do I Do
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial Completion
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I had an Epiphany while in Walmart, ha. A Revelation, if you will. Synonyms? Epiphanies are like once or very few times in a lifetime. When I hear the word Revelation, I remember Tillie Cole’s “Deadly Virtues” series or the Bible as in the book of. The world is ending. Something like Ecclesiastes 1:18, increasing knowledge, increases sorrow. Dammit, Jack. You’ll continue to read Jack McAfghan/Kate McGahan. Anyway, Epiphany, Revelation. You’ll share more with Inspector Echo but ok. So I would take that line from Battle for the Planet of the Apes. One day you’ll be as tall as a king. I would tell Braxton. I raised my son so high he went all the way to Heaven. To see him again… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Jack McAfghan: Letters From Rainbow Bridge, Kate McGahan
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of My B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You won’t put that on the list yet, but how could you make it to Heaven, to Rainbow Bridge? A song came to mind, “We Are Growing” by Margaret Singana. In its lyrics, hell, the first three words are “Be a man.” Now, of course, what of Mulan, Rocky, Star Trek? They all have songs or lines about being a man, but what do you believe. To be a man, hmm? Fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. Just be a man, and let history judge accordingly. So am I telling you to be a father again? After almost a year. Fuck no! There is no way. Yet, getting up in the morning requires boobs, bucks, your Braxton? None of that’s here. B A Man Of…

Gospel 192 ~Will Seconds That Emotion~

343 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 191 ~B Forgetful This Week~

WillLeave a comment

This marks one more month that I’d rather forget. Hell to forget the 342 Days without B, but what would we have done in all that time? B would make sure I got his grandma a gift. Only, I’m buying another pendant in B’s memory. “B Forgetful This Week”

Saturday, January 8, 2022

Chronicle 191 ~B Forgetful This Week~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I wonder, do other billionaires forget how much they have. I continue to remember my loss.

My B, I swear I have ruined the weekend for myself. That was fucked up to say, wasn’t it, Lu? What I mean is, at the moment, I am once again time-traveling, in a rush to not be alone anymore. I believe the adoptions start back up today at PetSmart. Can I shush it? Again, me saying STUPID stuff. It’s been that way since I started reading My Dog Has Died: What Do I Do?” I’m sure I’ve finished it by now, but we’ll get to talking about that. Let’s start with my writing, for example, Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~. I mentioned B III had a vet appointment, but it was all about my books. The first one of the new year, Lunalesca.

Instead of B III’s life, I mused about The Island by Gary Paulsen. If I remember, he didn’t make it through 2021 either. I ruined my first song of the year on Spotify talking to Dear Future Wife. It was somewhere between “Hold On Tight” and, um, “It’s Only Love.” Romantic, Paternal, Best Friend? As Halle Berry put it, “What do you know about love?” Hell, being at the Day Job, I have all sorts of thoughts. Besides hating the damn place, I know I don’t want to fall in love. I’m thirty-seven and already sure I’ll die alone. Braxton? I get emails about dogs, but I can never make a move. Another PetSmart Chihuahua? Lunalesca, I fucked that up. What about my Ma’s gift?

Yeah, I forgot about her other gift, and she was ever so grateful for the first one. So, of course, I became an asshole, Lu. Then again, B’s Aunt Indiana Gone is getting her gift. The money Amazon returned Lu, I spent on one more memorial pendant. Never forget B. This is why I’ve read two Wendy Van de Poll books. Started reading Kate McGahan. As the song goes, “Am I A Psycho?” If anything, more Republican than ever honest. Reading about dead children, dead pets. At least, unlike Republicans, there is no fix here. Braxton died almost a year ago. 342 days ago, to be exact. A bad week, try a terrible month, Lady Lu. He’s My Son, never forget. B Forgetful This Week

Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~

342 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 185 ~In A 2nd B~

WillLeave a comment

I lost my “Toy Soldier,” a Real One, my second in command. You don’t go and get another one out of the blue. Instead, I think with all the seconds of the day, all the ones when he wanted to play, the words I wanted to say. When I wake up. In a 2nd B.

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Chronicle 185 ~In A 2nd B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as Eric Thomas put it. You love dreaming more than you love success. Well, Braxton’s there.

At least that’s what you wish you could say, isn’t it? Last night my work messed with your sleep. Not to mention all of my dickery. So I’m sorry and welcome to the new year. First, it looks plenty like the old one, doesn’t it? Hell, feels like I’m going to be apologizing to you all day. What is this, your second cry of the new year? This time last year, Gospel 185 ~Here I Am, Will~. I was thinking that Braxton the Imp needed to get checked out. Damn, how you hate reading about your first failure of that year. Well, the only loss that mattered, sigh. I’ve said the epitome of manhood is that of fatherhood. Then I fail at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Night Before, Dani Wyatt
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

First failures of many with the start of the new year. Yeah, you’re counting the seconds until the next one. I ain’t gonna lie to you; this week will suck. The good news is, you found a second way to HURT. Dangerous words. Self-harm by way of language. Remember when you thought that asking for another second was reasonable? Don’t worry, you will. Every day, I wish to gather all those seconds that Braxton wanted to spend with me and bottle them up. Let me squish them together and get a second chance to be the man I want to be, the father. You could do that instead of sitting in bed naked, thinking of how you’ll waste the day again. Opportunities, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading My Dog Has Died: What Do I Do
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of My B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

That is if you aren’t too busy thinking about that third leg. Yeah, when you weren’t missing Braxton, your dreams weren’t the nicest… to some. Mind, body, and soul, or how about heart, soul, and mind. Well, Braxton is your heart. Your mind says, “Stay Alive.” With your soul, does that belong to the Devil or your doggie? Inevitably God. Bedazzled wasn’t that great of a movie, was it? Nowhere near your third favorite. So why live the life of a Third-Class Citizen? Three-Fifths, a man? Forever settling for third-place? Am I trying to be inspiring? Whether you want it or not, this week will come but not you. What The Fuck! Should have told the world to give a second. In a 2nd B

Gospel 185 ~Here I Am, Will~

336 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 184 ~Have A B Year~

WillLeave a comment

Happy New Year… much too soon to tell. Braxton ain’t here so that counts as an epic fail in my book. Plus, it was always so simple to put him at the top of my New Year’s Resolutions. There’s so much to think about as I try to Have A B Year.

Saturday, January 1, 2022

Chronicle 184 ~Have A B Year~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now; I have my boy, my babe, so let’s begin. But no. Welcome To The Real World.

Last year it was Braxton and me on the couch. Well, when he wasn’t pacing or hiding. He was antsy because I was. And with all the fireworks and guns going off. It was one of the last battlefields we would share together. Of course, his final battles, getting to his Water Bowl. Wanting to come home. Why can’t I stay, Daddy? The first cry of the year, 7:50 AM. As for how I spent this New Year’s? My Ma brought her famous dip, and I paid one of my own bills. For real? A good question for another time. I said Happy New Year to the vixen from the UK, Cherry. Ditto to Carolina Bound and M Anime. When the moment came for me.

Well, I was sitting right here, Lunalesca. I was in bed buck naked, staring at Cherry’s “covered” Yabbos per usual. No, not doing that. I cleared out my phone, making sure pictures weren’t repeated in the gallery. What a way to start the New Year, am I right, Lady Lu? So now I have a new day, a new year. I’ve had a few hours, so Having A B Year:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6xr6VKg7sE
  1. I WILL learn to love, somehow I will learn How To Save A Life
  2. I WILL publish at least one book, a bestseller
  3. I WILL make one million dollars every single year
  4. I WILL write 400 Words every day (Goal 120,000)
  5. I WILL visit a brothel somewhere and also participate
  6. I WILL see a return. First significant investment
  7. I WILL produce adult films
  8. I WILL do NaNoWriMo
  9. I WILL have a relationship or sleep with some girl once a month minimum
  10. I WILL, at last, provide for myself and any of those deemed my family
  11. I WILL spend no more than $500 on Yabbos I can’t touch (Hentai Excluded)
  12. I WILL start work on my life goals Episode 345 ~You Got Will’s Number~
  13. I WILL be FEARLESS

So as the eye doctor would say, “About the same?” What does #1 even mean? #10 is A Man Provides. #11, how many artists am I paying? Lots to do and without Braxton. Happy New Year. Have A B Year

335 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 178 ~B III Of Christmas~

WillLeave a comment

Well, you survived Christmas; what are you going to down now. “Keep on rollin’, baby, you know what time it is,” as the song goes. How about Just Look Up? I told Braxton he’d be as tall as a king, and he’s up there now even after… B III Of Christmas.

Sunday, December 26, 2021

Chronicle 178 ~B III Of Christmas~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but for the love of everything. If you get on my level, please don’t be Peter Isherwell.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFQlTB4cw4k

“Don’t Look Up,” a good movie, is one more thing that helped me survive the “holiday,” sigh. That and a bit of time travel. Which is what you should be doing now. But will you? Before that, there was also all that “stuffing the stocking” that I did. Even on Christmas, you’re thinking must I be so crude. It’s not like anyone’s here. Well, B, but I overate, I’m sorry. There was no one to share with. Then again, what did I spend all afternoon doing? I spent money on three women. Better to give than receive, am I right? It was tiring but fulfilling. Hell, make it four women if you count an issue of Playboy with Charisma Carpenter. Oh counting, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Meet Me Under The Mistletoe (Erotica) by Stacey Kennedy
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 009 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

You’re much better at keeping count of the 329 Days without Braxton. Are you supposed to be proud of that fact? You’re still alive. 161 Days without jerking Willy monster. Speaking of such, Matt has Shelby for that now, “Girlfriend Reviews,” or “Fiancé Reviews.” Yup, good news but it in no way affects you. Enough bad news that does ha. If you want to be positive and thankful. Besides that, Playboy magazine. There’s the other stuff I bought you, compliments of Braxton’s Aunt Carolina Bound. Again staying in bed. You’re not depressed, and at the same time, yeah, you are? If you’re not, there’s only one thing left for you. ACCEPTANCE. Never. There could be a puppy waiting, but first, there are Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Night Before, Dani Wyatt
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 009 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And most of them haven’t changed for the most part, even here at The Closing Of The Year. You’re more concerned with New Year’s Resolutions. See Braxton through the year. There’s the New Year, Dr. King’s Birthday. And the day that Braxton died. You killed. You should get your booster shot, New Year’s Day. One more chance to join Braxton. What will you be telling Lady Lu, if anything? “Don’t Look Up” sums up your life in a nutshell. Black man in a house surrounded by love but none of it his. Always waiting, ok. You might as well read “The Man Who Watched The World End.” After December, of course. Free of Christmas Erotica, of cash, of love, never Braxton. B III Of Christmas

329 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 177 ~B In The Present~

WillLeave a comment

I expect to be here for at least an hour because where else would I be on Christmas morning. Taking a walk, fixing breakfast for two, binge-watching Christmas movies? A guy has to eat. I did in the past, the present, and the future… B In The Present

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Chronicle 177 ~B In The Present~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which sounds a lot better than Merry Christmas. I hear you, Lady Lunalesca. It’s Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas or something like that in the past. As in the Ghost of Christmas Past. Oh, I should start off with Jacob Marley. The thing is, Lady Lu, I don’t have any dead EVIL friends to come and warn me of anything. Braxton was no saint but no sinner. Lunalesca, I’ve been going over this; what I’ve done Last Christmas all week. Of course, being Christmas Eve, we’re having this conversation today, not tomorrow. On Christmas Day, there was a post already written out. B and I would walk and then have a big breakfast. Over the whole day, there would be some Christmas movies. I’d read. B III would get a present that he’d spend five minutes with. Those were the days, Lu.

While I share the Ebenezer Scrooge mindset, I don’t have the Ghost of Christmas Present. I’m a Time Traveler Lu, but I can’t see the future. So what have I done on this very eve? Well, I did talk to Lady Sophia, giving me time to speak to you. There was a full breakfast I made. Do you know that song “I’ll Cross This Bridge” from “A Christmas Carol”? I found it after all this time. Speaking of music, Lu; “Wake Up” Brass Against… hot. There was, of course, The Matrix: Resurrections which um wasn’t as such from last night. Anyway, I had an idea for my Stuff and Thangs that didn’t work out as such. So yes, I remain a monk but Christmas Day?

The Ghost of Future Yet To Come. If that ain’t the truth, Lady Lu, but it ain’t the time. How do I see a future Christmas? All I know is when I spy the Day Job is coming up, I wish… well, dangerous words. Let’s say I would take a black hooded specter any day. Let me remind myself that I always see myself with a family, wife, children. A picture that Braxton… no, he is it with me always and forever and this is all a dream, Lu. Still, I don’t know what to expect tomorrow and another after that, but it ain’t Santa Claus. No tree, no chimney, and the front door. Amazon? Haven’t checked. Not tomorrow. Merry Christmas. B In The Present

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mhpphmxy1k8

328 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 171 ~So Smile, B Reasonable~

WillLeave a comment

Grin and bear it, THEY say. I’m sick of laughing, leaving so many smiles in my mask. Fake smiles. God, I love masks. How about living life this way, alone? I did before then for 15 years I had B. It wasn’t enough, but THEY say. So Smile, B Reasonable

Sunday, December 19, 2021

Chronicle 171 ~So Smile, B Reasonable~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you get to be a lazy ass today. Well, isn’t that most Sundays? The Long Walk?

Besides being a book, you want to read. Only not this month. It’s fucking creepy to be in PetSmart on a Sunday. The day Braxton died. Wednesday, specifically Wednesday, February 10, 2021, is no good for the record. Also, add Thursday, February 4. Reasonable right? Braxton’s death, picking up his remains; when he was cremated. You guess if you’re not going to PetSmart or picking up Braxton’s prints at Walmart. Well, you have time to cry, and it beats dick… Did you come up with that? Better crying than jacking. Anyway, we’ll get to that. So the reason you’re not smiling today is that Saturday was my last chance. I’m sorry I failed you, but you will spend Christmas alone. Oh, there’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading The Christmas Nanny by Elizabeth Kelly
    Completed (53 from 52)
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failing at these things is only one more tradition. Last night I tried. There’s reading Christmas Erotica while Braxton naps. Watching Santa’s travels, Christmas Eve. Inevitable that I would smile. I mean a genuine smile. I was able to do it without thinking. Much like jacking off, when I smile any day, I feel disgusted after. You will, as well. Um, not the jacking, but there are no guarantees there. Only we’ll get there, dammit. Tis the season of joy, like going to Disney World or saying you love someone. The last time I said those words? Hell, I tried smiling; I don’t remember if I did or not. Jim Kelly said, “I’ll be too busy looking good” with his defeat. Braxton looked angelic. But me failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Meet Me Under The Mistletoe, Stacey Kennedy
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums (Picture Daily)
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

While you were working on Stuff and Thangs this morning, OnlyFans. Why don’t you show your face? The way you look. Your body is one thing but the mood, moment, moaning. Such pleasures but no smiling, there’s demand, disgust, destruction. Reasonable to smile or not? Take, for example, your work. Again another novel, grin boy. Days you get off from the hellacious Day Job. But with spending dollars and time? Christmas time is here. And all you know is rage. Again your Republican tendencies, dude. But always and forever, there will be Braxton. The pain from losing him and the “happiness” from his life. Happy is still the wrong word. Smiling and happiness are not mutually exclusive. Living Life This Way… So Smile, B Reasonable

322 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 170 ~The Braxton Stops Here~

WillLeave a comment

Who’s that knocking at my chamber door? Most days, I would instead be knocking at Heaven’s door. All the time, Braxton wanted outside. Then inside and I would look at him through the glass. Now he’ll be in a frame. “The Braxton Stops Here.”

Saturday, December 18, 2021

Chronicle 170 ~The Braxton Stops Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I could go looking for aliens or try to find God… ha. Look for Santa?

What would I ask of him? These days Lady Lu, I rather have a good girl sitting on my lap. But okay, let’s start with the obvious. I showed B III’s Aunt what I went shopping for today. Of course, she thought I’d made a new friend, but no. I’m bleeding cash Lu, you see. In case I haven’t said it enough, ahem, Braxton is dead. So I’m buying toys and treats for who? I gave a dollar to the ladies at PetSmart. Is Santa bringing me a Best Friend? Lunalesca, I asked M Anime what she wanted for Christmas, and she said, “Dollar dollar bills, y’all!” I could use the money but quoting another song Lunalesca “Peace of mind.” But B III is here.

You’re right that Braxton brings my serenity. And no, I don’t mean the queen or princess from Sailor Moon. Yes, most of my money goes towards Yabbos, but it wasn’t towards Cherry for the first time in some weeks. Maitland Ward, OfficialMaxine, and other anime. But anyway, Braxton. The lamp was blazing in my eyes come 3:00 in the morning. Yes, I was up late talking to Lady Sophia, but it was more dread. I was out of treats for B III, but he’s gone. They’re all sitting there, and while I said, I was going for framed pictures, sigh. I couldn’t stop myself. Love for my boy, lust for all the Ho, Ho, Ho’s. That’s not nice, I know. I tried teaching Braxton respect…

I can only imagine what he’s learning from me now. It’s not people watching from the great beyond but my son at The Rainbow Bridge. “Daddy laughing at me humping.” “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town,” as they say, but I doubt he’ll stop by. I can’t BBQ, Lady Lu. “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” and even if he was the real deal. I’m going to Hell, ha. I should get on Amazon. To buy a frame for next week, but it won’t get here in time, right? There’s also Braxton’s Aunt, which means I should scrub this place down. It’s real gross. All I want is Braxton to show up, but then he never left? The Rainbow Bridge? The Braxton Stops Here.

321 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 164 ~B-Plus, B-Minus, Just B~

WillLeave a comment

How to be positive. I remember walking B III and some animal coming close and B wanting me to pick him up. A part of me had to be ready for war, and another had to tell him we’d be ok. When it was people, it was his turn. B-Plus, B Minus, Just B

Sunday, December 12, 2021

Chronicle 164 ~B-Plus, B-Minus, Just B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, while you’re only hoping to get through the day. Please don’t go manifesting the worst-case scenario. Again?

One of my favorite stories and yours is The Scorpion and The Toad. We’ll get to that. You know how your motivations speak about being grateful. To start each and every day with gratitude. What was the first thing that came to mind when you got up? I mean, for real. There’s the fact that you were hard as a rock, but the bedsheets remain immaculate. Braxton’s “memorial,” “tribute,” is it “routine” continued as scheduled, flawless. Impossible, but you will be getting out of bed today to go somewhere. Doggies, B-Dubs. Already you’re thinking of all the negatives. You’re not fucking for real. You’re almost out of treats for B III. The bag in his drawer is empty. And Sunday is the worst day now.

See, with everything going on in your mind. You’re forgetting about those Six Impossible Things. Yet you will keep on moving. Here’s a question. What’s the difference between a B-Plus and a B-Minus? How about B positive blood and B negative. You’re a D student. Speaking of which, that’s what you’re always thinking with, you’re D. A sad world, hmm? You’re about to spend more money you shouldn’t, on what. Hot sauce, fast food, Yabbos. The fact that yet again a week has gone by and what have I done? What will you do now? If anything, you need to get up and start getting ready to head out. And so what if you came back with a friend, woman, or dog. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading Succubus Christmas Special (LitRpg)
    Completed
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Partial
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

They will still be here no matter what. This leads me back into the story. I’m sure sometime this week, I talked about those saying love yourself first. To be happy because that’s no one else’s responsibility. All my fuck ups aren’t yours, and yet you will. What am I doing, time-traveling again? No, today is Sunday, and this week you will be exhausted from the Day Job when you talk to the girls. I’m suggesting that you can’t change who you are. If anything, I can only wish you the best of luck. Not jailed, fired, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Finishing Reading The Christmas Nanny by Elizabeth Kelly
  2. I AM Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums (A Picture Daily)
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL Work On A Tattoo Of B III
  6. I WILL Be The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Things that may come true; Because as far as you being a positive person at some point this week. My friend, B-Plus, B-Minus, Just B.

315 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 163 ~Why I Didn’t B~

WillLeave a comment

Why I didn’t bring him home, more like why didn’t I bring him back alive but you know I’m one for music and the truth. That is, if I’m not “Manifesting” the worst possible scenario for my life. Not like I’m living or trying. Why I Didn’t B.

Saturday, December 11, 2021

Chronicle 163 ~Why I Didn’t B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but why wasn’t I sooner? Uh, because you’re a fucking lazy ass? Braxton gave that look.

Only what was I talking about last week or the week before? Noticing puppy paws? Besides the paws that were too big, I also saw tails. What dog would be happy seeing the Cheshire cat smiling down on them (My Mask)? Um, only pups deserve a smile, Lady Lu. So why am I still sitting here alone? I’m over the whole “Chase” scenario. I’ll never be over Braxton, but Chase sealed it. It’s a Chihuahua or nothing. I told you I’m a dog snob. Braxton ruined me for other dog breeds, and don’t think about it like that, Lunalesca. Well below losing Braxton and my paranoia. It’s that fucking Mariah Carey song All I Want for Christmas Is You. My answer, my B III alive.

So why didn’t I try harder? Republican tendencies or more like Slave Mentality. Work hard, do what you’re told. Hell, when I’m not at the Day Job, I’m getting myself into so much trouble. One way or another, I will myself into a punishment all for B III, I know. Why didn’t I dream positive thoughts today? That’s not my motivational speeches talking… fucking Day Job. Instagram is trying to pick up the slack, sending me “inspiration” from some rich white guys. Most days, my only motivation is not to get fired from Hell, Lady Lu. Everything “I Rise” for is no damn good for me. That includes my novel, which I haven’t looked at upon completion. NaNoWriMo should kick me out, I swear Lunalesca.

Why I didn’t stop myself from lying. I wanted to win, and I did the 50,000 words ok. I did. Why I didn’t stop myself; from stuffing my face when I came back? Tradition Lunalesca. Why I didn’t live in a way that would make B III proud of me. He would still be alive. Yet the most fucked up thing I’ll say about today is this. I “Don’t Know Why” I didn’t come. Yes, we both know I have a thing for hot brunettes. Michelle Branch, Vanessa Carlton, Norah Jones, Mariah Carey, ha. Anyway, I’m still claiming monk status after what happened this morning. I didn’t come. I didn’t cum. Who am I trying to convince? Hmm. TMI right? Living? Why I Didn’t B

314 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will