Month: August 2019

Log 043 ~Will To Be Ordinary~

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I’m anything but ordinary which is terrible; I know you’re much more than average which is a real blessing, like “Beauty and the Beast,” both different but somebody wanted Belle, and I don’t want you to see me like this? Will To Be Ordinary

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Log 043 ~Will To Be Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, and anything but ordinary. When I talked to a friend about my dream girl a.k.a you well you’re anything but typical. Open mouth and insert foot, right. Like something out of Firefly; Simon and Kaylee. Anyway as I was telling my friend, such and such, Nuclear Pop, Star Wars, Sci-Fi, Zombies. Hell at the moment I want you to tell me I didn’t dream up this or that. Better if you could help me find the note. Not that I’m making you my assistant or anything.

My wife, you’re my wife, that’s how I wake up every morning. Sort of like that dude who woke up from surgery and called his wife “eye candy.” Pet names all day, everything under the sun, my angel, my queen (minus the knife,) my miracle. Every day I don’t see you take off when I make jokes like that. How I’m only now getting into Game Of Thrones, and you’re still here. Honestly the first time ever I saw your face. One of these days I’ll stop speaking in songs, movies and TV, memes, and YouTube. I wonder how you would feel about that my love. Being a husband is still new to me, and I’m learning. I can’t say I’ve had many examples, one more reason we don’t visit most of my family. When we met, I’ll admit the last thing I was thinking about was gaining a wife.

I was thinking of Perfection, and that’s not right. In a way, I suppose I give myself more flaws because I wanted you so badly. Holding hands, dinner dates, meeting the folks, could only be my anxiety. The simple things, typical, shallow, only ordinary. Would you be one to survive a zombie apocalypse, a purge, some other world catastrophe? It always comes back to if I were the only boy, and you were the only girl. How I need something scarier than the man I am. One of the few times I didn’t stand by tradition asking your parents for your hand. Blessing, sure, and even that I can live without baby girl. That’s because we have blessings despite how I make money. Your beauty, your heart, the woman you are is more than ordinary. Ironic isn’t it that I want to be ordinary somehow.

Love shouldn’t be, why have the Will To Be Ordinary.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

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Am I going back to that, the world is going to end in “five minutes” mentality; if died today I would be embarrassed at everything, well other than reading another Tillie Cole novel but anyway. “Live Like There’s No Tomorrow”

Monday, August 12, 2019

Log 042 ~Live Like There’s No Tomorrow~

Ninety-Seventh Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but I didn’t do two girls at the same time. Now that’s only for starters for if tomorrow never comes? Well, I’ve thought about that plenty of nights. Most nights I don’t ever plan on the morning. Okay, my knives and my car alarm say differently. Those are more for my son, though. My motivations say to start every morning with gratitude. I’m grateful Madam Justice I am. Still, I sometimes imagine waking up and starting all over again.

Do any of us wake up and live the day we would be proud to die? So I wake up this morning to the TWD Rewards people treating me like I’m STUPID. Until only now, I had forgotten about that concern. Besides talking to you, I could use a cappuccino and a slice of cheesecake. Worrying robs you of the joy you might have so I owe myself a slice. You know the days are wrong when you pray for a zombie apocalypse. Hell, I want the days I stand a chance in if anything. Again living those “five minutes” and the world comes to an end. I’ve lived far too many suicidal days. There was the day I had Taco Bell and fell asleep downing Nyquil pills attempting an overdose. I’ve starved myself for at least a week, and nobody gave a damn. I’ve studied poisons, weapons, I write dystopias ha. Ironic, I see tomorrow for everyone else but myself; I don’t live now.

If I could have today again, picture it as so. I wake up next to my beautiful wife. I go to my office, and we talk well more like Lady Sophia and me because it’s a Friday. My wife and I make love in the shower, and then she cooks breakfast. We both see the children off to school, while my firstborn does patrol of the Estate. I pop in on a few of my brothels see how business is going. I visit my studio and work on a movie. Then it’s off to interview the newest crop of models. I pick up my kids, and they tell me about good days at school. Home-cooked dinner, in a loving home. A book before bed then me and my wife ravish each other. Who would need another Saturday? Never enough time right Madam Justice but to Live Like There’s No Tomorrow.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

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How does one make an enemy… please don’t make me quote Star Wars but let’s start with one word FEAR, and there is plenty of that going around these days and the methods to overcome it SIGH. What Is Will Fear

Sunday, August 11, 2019

Log 041 ~What Is Will Fear~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now, and you fear you’ll never advance. Every day you get closer and closer to the end. No, not suicidal but first were the rules. Next came the reasons for writing. Sadly, you could conjure up 365 days of things you’re afraid of Will. Do you remember the movie Divergent? Tobias had FOUR fears. Tris had seven, one of those being intimacy. Here we go, can you not keep it in your pants this week. Hell I know I was all Halle Berry “Make Me Feel Good.” Who isn’t getting screwed by some white guy these fearful days?

You only want to get through the rest of the week. Let’s say the month without any more bells and whistles. No more warnings, not a bit of spam. Why aren’t you getting up on time? Fear keeps you awake. Yesterday I defined life as a labyrinth. You’re lost, and some unknown beast is chasing you. Now it could be an ocean, and you’re Jack Dawson. It explains why you want to stay warm in your bed. Fortunately, your love is small, and no, that isn’t penis humor. I mean the dog and my queen-size bed. The moment you leave this place, you have to start swimming again. As in the real pool, you never learned how. Those that should have taught you made you terrified of the water. There’s also bike riding for the record. Speaking of records, SIGH I failed Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry Compilation “GULP”
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by
    Charmaine Pauls Completed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Fallen Genesis A Deadly Virtues Prequel

I’m not cocky because I was able to hit number six. It took over a month, and I was the lucky one. If anything it beats being terrified all the time and you are of course. So let’s get back to the inquiry of the day. What Is Will Fear? It’s looking at your phone in fear. The next message could be an attempted hack. There will be more spam, a friend warning you of something. You can’t talk about your kid anymore. Hell, something might happen to him in reality. Letting him down one more day for not cutting the grass. The next pretty girl with beautiful breasts you want to see naked. The one you should see naked come September. Another you have seen nude come October. Six Impossible Things abandoned and movies getting scratched. Far too many things to name here but that’s What Is Will Fear.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 040 ~Will And The Labyrinth~

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My life isn’t as interesting as Labyrinth and no way as sexy as “The V Game Series;” it’s only me against the wall continually smashing my head against it, and I’ll break before my Facebook Wall but then again? “Will And The Labyrinth”

Saturday, July 27, 2019

Log 040 ~Will And The Labyrinth~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Millionaire right now; can’t you see? Isn’t it ironic that it’s what I want everyone to know? Still these days the people that are looking at all. It’s the people who are making me out to be a clown. Besides Facebook, somebody attempted another hack last night. Those are the scariest, but the worst is from my son, my nephew, hell the man in the mirror. How I talk to myself all the time but please don’t let me be walking by a mirror and see myself, that’s terrifying.

I finished that book Beauty in the Broken by Charmaine Pauls yesterday. My life though feels a lot like something out of The V Games Series though. It’s a maze, and I’m fighting while everyone watches. I’m waiting to see which one of my sins is exposed first? What about people, running into my sister a few days ago. I go to the same restaurant for some reason feeling an obligation. Don’t get me started about September. I’m not a man of my word. October, of course, is “Indiana Gone’s” wedding. I’ll have to put my trust in someone to watch my kid. Dammit, I don’t even like saying his name anymore. The things I love are often weapons against me, that quickly. Sometimes I only want to disappear. Do I sound suicidal again, Lu?

I’m trying Lady Lu. I’m trying so hard to find other ways. It can’t be porn anymore; you saw how fast I gave in days ago. Even now thank you Instagram I found out about St. Mackenzie’s (School For Girls). It’s the things that bring us the closest to death that somehow grant life. The question is, how close do you want to get to such. Again last night, I started a new game, “Heavy Rain.” I feel so much better watching and playing than doing anything real. There was also the fact that I thought my PS4 had problems. I was looking at how I’m going to get to Indiana Gone’s wedding, a little vacay perhaps? At this rate, I’m giving out to much information you think. Everyone is looking, or one. Could be a damn robot wanting to send everything tumbling down whenever.

The only way I’m getting over these walls is a ton of cash. And not bouncing on boobs or watching them: Will And The Labyrinth.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

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Last week it was an addiction, this week its bail perhaps if my dream is any way accurate and I have plenty, one is being a great writer but what writing have I done lately or more to the point editing, prison time is slow time? Will’s Going To Jail.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or that would be true enough. Indeed, what have I done to warrant any jail time? Solicitation, well no let’s say a modeling job. Same with hiring a new maid after “Okay.” Speeding, haven’t stolen any porn lately. Matter of fact, I got a response from Whitney Wright about her film “Prom Night.” Such a fanboy, Morgan, Jada Jinxx, I can continue. Not a crime though, hell Dennis Hof got women naked all the time. My son is doing well but not doing my best by him always, that’s Hell worthy.

So only last night I was dreaming about crime, something to do with the Russians. You know I believe every dream has meaning and purpose. I imagined something happened to Cherry once, and she disappeared for days. She’s fine only wasn’t talking to me then. Anyway, I’m not MR. Trump, I don’t run around with Jeffrey Epstein. With that, I know the guy with Vault Girls got in trouble for characters. I know some Europeans that would do time in the US. I still admire, Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner, and Jimmy Stephens. Is the dream was telling me the hacker got more than I realized? I’ve had a few troubles with the cops that I never talk about somehow. Last time was a mistaken house. There was a suicide attempt years ago. I went to Juvenile Detention in high school.

The dream could be telling me that I need to grow up. What more do you want from me, Lady Sophia? From being “in love” with Jessica Rey/Alyssa Enrilé Power Rangers Wild Force? Now it’s porn stars Sandra McCoy/Kendall/Professor Kelsey Williams. Power Rangers “Femme Fatales: Extracurricular Activities.” Is my dream telling me I dig too deeply? As I said before, I’m not a stalker, but I need to know everything I can about a woman. Jada Jinxx, I found out she had videos on Pornhub for such and such an amount, how much did I offer? Whitney speaks the truth about her industry. Here’s some truth, I need to get back to writing or editing. If I finish our conversation, I’ll go pick up Chinese. I might even avoid the cops. Remember Pinterest troubles, my mom almost scaring me to death.

My dream felt so weird, and it felt like this weekend. Could I have plans GULP Will’s Going To Jail?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 038 ~Will Has Stress Balls~

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Where is my fidget cube when I need it and other than the shower my kid gives me no private time and unfortunately I can carry my phone into the bathroom, and last night I got a good night’s sleep for one reason? Will Has Stress Balls.

Thursday, August 8, 2019

Log 038 ~Will Has Stress Balls~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Millionaire right now but also a CREEP. Mind your tongue; I’m not a stalker, Mr. Trump, or any other type of criminal. I’m a dominant, a sadist, and someone who doesn’t handle stress well. Last night was the perfect example, skeevy as the “Basic Bitch” would say. Hell, I didn’t go to bed because I was satisfied. I was hoping I finally scared myself to death. The reason; Facebook and accidentally clicking on a picture from a year ago. Pretty girls have blocked me for less; words, Pokemon.

I’m in a lovey-dovey mood and not a sexual one, which leads me to Alita: Battle Angel. “I’ll give you my heart,” I’ll add that to the things a girl could say to me. Don’t worry, we’ll get to breasts but to have a girl’s heart. A woman’s I should say WHAT’S MY AGE AGAIN? Why the 90’s early 2000’s kick; music was better, huh? I like girls that have brains. Don’t I always say every Saturday, two to three hours of nuclear pop? It’s also a requisite she loves reading and decent movies. I was telling “Indiana Gone” that the other day. It’s not like I’m a genius, but hell the real shape of a heart. Didn’t I say I was a creep or creepy? Anyway, she must love my little ball of fluff, my son, you know. If dogs could talk not that he cares what I look up or click on: Thumbs.

Yeah, those and my fingers that had me staring at dirty titties last night. Well, that’s how it started, and then I was clicking, my mistake. Once again, I’m a slave to my phone. I’ll always be a boob guy Dirty Diana. A few hours ago it was all boobs, now to a girl with no boobs. Before my indiscretion, I was all about ass. Yesterday I said I can’t look people in the face. I know some great asses, though, two in particular. Well, three if you count the shower and please don’t. Last but not least, got the nub, got the nub; I’ll quit with the songs at some point. Pleasing women, once I get them in bed is the ultimate goal. I have no idea what I’m doing every day I’ll admit.

Such is my stress, and I lost my fidget cube, but Will Has Stress Balls.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

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A great man once sang “stand up for your rights,” and someone else said if you won’t stand for something; well these two legs can take me places but my eyes are looking down, though things get an inevitable rise out of me. Standing With A Willie

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Log 037 ~Standing With A Willie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM A Millionaire right now, and no my mind isn’t in the gutter. Okay, truth be told another cosplayer “Jada Jinxx.” We’ll get to the begging portion of the program soon enough. Today I want to talk about courage, the strength to stand. Hard when you can’t stand the man in the mirror; neither can they.

Up against the wall mother; yes, I looked that up. That’s how I was at work today, nowhere to go and nothing to do there. So I redid two of the walls of hanging crap, paintings, metal décor, etc. Staring at the wall meant I didn’t have to look at people. Not that I could even if I wanted to anyway. My eyes are conscientious objectors in this war for my life. On the other hand, they could be living in 3017. That’s me looking at the dirt or how long it would take me to find courage. Is it any wonder I write dystopias? How about the only life after death, I believe in is zombies? Anyway, so I’m working from one wall to the next. I’m getting all these backstabbers complimenting behind my back. Like I’m any better; should have seen me yesterday. Someone knocked on my door, and I had my knife behind me, saving people time.

You know for finding reasons to fire me at some point. In writing Inspector Echo, I’m an army of one. Army, again look at the title. I was channeling Ellie Goulding’s song. I wish I could say I had someone I counted on with all my heart. Yes of course B III but let’s look at humans. My “father” that’s more predatory dominance. I feel like less of a real man, depending on him. There, of course, is the job I despise. If I lose it, I’ll be wandering the desert with my dick in my hands (LANGUAGE). So yes this morning, the man in the mirror, well the shower SIGH. I’m still with NO FAP but the things I was thinking. There, now we can talk about the new girl or the others rolling around in my brain. Closing my eyes but still staring at a wall or the floor, Let’s say TWD is chock full of hot women.

Damn all these beautiful girls as the song goes, oh and work. Missed a huddle but Standing With A Willie.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 036 ~Let’s Look Up Will~

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Now you know everything, and like Jon Snow, I know nothing, well usually but who I am and what I do, well most would run away but you’re here and in love, don’t they say that conquers all, including my fear. “Let’s Look Up Will” or not

Tuesday, August 6, 2019

Log 036 ~Let’s Look Up Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but SPOILER ALERT I’m not perfect. It’s no secret I’m a writer, but I find my words lacking when it comes to you. Angel, queen, goddess, should I stick with beautiful? I place you so high because you could never let me down. Hell, I never would have believed you would fall for me baby girl. How about the fact that I go so low hoping you’ll never see everything? I would say I’m an open book, but then like a couple of days ago I fear everyone knows too much.

You know like I’m some Erotic novel that needs that HEA disclaimer. With other people, well, I’ve lost friends and family. Now you and me, I need to know that there is a happy ending. In this day and age, I would be surprised if you hadn’t looked me up before we were together. I’m always one for research because I like the control. People can’t be too careful, but still, I wonder what makes you different. Other than being right here and now not running away. Deciding you’ll stay with me; how I wish my playlist were the only thing you’d find. That’s another reason I want my name in the public eye. Of course, you’re not one to be blinded by the glitz and the glamour. Why am I still hiding from you after all this time Love?

Higher aspirations, headphones, wanting to build Heaven for an angel? I still remember reading that somewhere, if you desire an angel, you have to aspire to build her such a home. It wouldn’t bother me if my “blood” read my books but you? Would I give you my phone right now; of course, but I fear you would run? I don’t want any secrets between us; only I don’t want to be alone either. If there is one word that defines me, it would be fear. Only it gets lost in everything else that I am. So why do I think I have the right to ask for everything that you are and may become. You became my wife, the mother of our children. I want to be a better man, but more so I only want to be yours. The man I am Here and Now my baby doll?

Greatest fan of your life but Let’s Look Up Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

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The lives we live or survive, some people have wealth, others have scars, some have only an inch of air in front of their face, and that in itself can be too much, why are they so deserving, am I? Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

Monday, August 5, 2019

Log 035 ~Nothing To Prove To Anybody~

Ninety-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I AM a Millionaire right now, but you don’t have to believe that. How about the fact that I respect women? Sure doesn’t look that way right? What about that I do my best at the Day Job? The idea that I love my firstborn more than anything? Of course, the big one these days would be that I’m an innocent man. It’s 4 AM, and you know the reason I’m up. For the record, I did get about six hours of sleep, and I still haven’t checked Facebook yet.

Speaking of which, when I do post some political discord there, it’s what I believe. I’m not trying to prove I’m a Dem, Liberal, or anything, only that this is what I know. Hell like Jon Snow everyone says I know nothing, but he was just himself. The problem is he didn’t know who that was most of the time. I should stop comparing myself to him, though. As always I avoid the man in the mirror too. Yesterday though I had to shave and I saw all the grey hairs; how did I get so old not living? Even now it’s like I need permission to exist. I need to prove I have the right to such a thing. My Six Impossible Things list, I have to prove I’m a good father, a man, I get apps to try and hold myself accountable Justice.

What about September, am I going to make it to Nevada. $200.00 for a number I never use, how much do I spend on Brainbuddy, and I was checking out some Cosplayer. If anything I’m proving fear runs my life and I get that for free. Let’s not forget the other $250 for my book and even more for a cover. What about all the motivational speakers I listen to or the time spent lost in music wanting to feel brave. Don’t be brave, have a little common sense as one song goes. All this effort for people that don’t give a damn and hell I don’t either. That is until something hurts them like the hack job. Again being a dominant and a sadist I get turned on by pain but only that which I control. Pain proves we’re still alive, so why don’t I embrace all of it in my life Madam Justice.

The answer is still this, Nothing To Prove To Anybody.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 034 ~An Aha Moment Will~

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Last week I named friends, yesterday I named an enemy and as the song goes “his name was my name too” the fact that he, she, or it tried to steal it; but my little boy saved me, mentioning his name would be a bad idea. “An Aha Moment Will.”

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Log 034 ~An Aha Moment Will~

To Will:
I AM a Millionaire right now like Aha is a real word. Well, that sound does beat the heart pounding in your chest. What about the snoring you should be doing? Hyperventilating perhaps or the internal screaming I was all about yesterday? The pings from messages and emails all from yesterday. The sound of your son’s name, which is one of the reasons you might know salvation. Hours of fear it seems and so yes an audible scream would be a welcome change.

Now you shouldn’t think that with everything going on these days. Let’s not get into that, ore that enough people giving their two cents. Speaking of sense, it’s good I haven’t said my son’s name. Ironic that one of the only good things in your life you can’t even acknowledge. SIGH, so here we go, yesterday I got hacked. It happened out of the blue, no warning, no bells or whistles. Only a ping and a decent human being. Since that moment, I was running around trying to make sense of it. Begging and pleading for forgiveness. You know how they say your ultimate power and weakness stare back at you in the mirror. Scarier still when it’s on your screen for the world to see. I owe you an apology for the fact that you are living with the fear as well. Yes, and still, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Naming My Novel And Writing A Back Cover Of Another
    Failed
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
    Failed
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by
    Charmaine Pauls Failed
  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” B III Deserves
  3. I AM Publishing My Poetry Compilation “GULP”
  4. I AM Reviewing The Five
  5. I AM Bringing My Email Inbox To Zero
  6. I AM Finishing Reading Beauty in the Broken: A Diamond Magnate Novel by Charmaine Pauls

Only you can’t think about them right now. No, you’re up at 4:00 AM not because you made a choice. You would have fallen asleep again no question but the fear Will? Staring at your phone like you’re one of the characters in One Missed Call. Knowing shame like Lady Mormont as if you “refused the call.” I did too busy being afraid. Again you’re awake because you are no doubt. Rule 002 states, “You Are Not A Caveman,” and Rule 1 you always say. Today though are you still going to jump at your phone’s command. Will you hit your screen and so many buttons in terror? Waste every footstep running for your life. I know you’re not a fan of laughter. Every breath is like a fight for survival. Your stomach is churning with the sickness that’s you.

Last night you got a good idea thanks to “Indiana Gone” and Haley Pullos. Inspiration indeed is a beautiful sound right, An Aha Moment Will.

I Will Have No Fear