Episode 140 ~Will Be Back Soon~

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As the song goes, “shut’em down, open up shop,” that’s my life I need to abandon this farce and go for something else and ain’t I writing a book, probably storing energy for an uglier load of trash, Black Friday. Will Be Back Soon

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Episode 140 ~Will Be Back Soon~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, ignore everything that’s not making you money with of course the exception of writing and boy did I screw up there because I’m on time, that means I’m late. Speaking of which the day job, I wish I could go back to being the person that was early, the person that said yes to everything, hell the person that semi-okay and keep in mind this is the job you hate, a land of fear, and this week it will be a million times crazier with Black Friday.

Sometimes I wish I could find the place where I parted ways with happy, but that would only be opening myself up to let the world destroy me once again and do you think you could take another drop like that? I’ll say this much; I think you’re finally starting to rediscover that rage, and you should be mad at me, the General Manager, the population that claims one thing and spits out another. Much like you will continue to do because somebody has to mind the store, the bag of flesh you pretty much are for the moment to again keep up with NaNoWriMo and yeah Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Catch-Up Fully With My New Novel “NaNoWriMo Challenge”
Completed

Back to 17.5 F but I’m not patting myself on the back by any means and I know better than to ask you to bring us to some decent grade, this week the goal if anything is to survive and yet always striving for something better. No that’s for the heartless hinds then again Black Friday and all that’s honestly what you will be, not predator nor prey but cannon fodder wishing to rise no more. Yeah but you look like that now, pretty much like shit wanting nothing more than to be back in your bed or the shower if it didn’t look like a graveyard, like your writing these same Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Continue “NaNoWriMo” 12,600

All the things that you need to say and do, and already you are looking like an empty shell, giving everything to your son, the store, the story, and the sadness and there is nothing left for you is there; like this week however you know what the people will ask. Find it and you’re afraid that it won’t be there, that’s what this entire life feels like nowadays that you walked into a store at Closing Time, the midnight hour, Black Friday and everything is only a wreck, and the only wreath is the one on your tombstone that reads Will Be Back Soon.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 139 ~Willing Parody Of Life~

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I think I know enough about life to fake it, go to work, kill the pests (ants), and there is a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head, and that’s all there is but wait there’s more because what I have seen so far… “Willing Parody Of Life.”

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Episode 139 ~Willing Parody Of Life~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, give life or take it, and no My Lady I’m not crazy though if I can be candid with you Luna, these days the thought of my life has only begun depressing me further. Today *sigh* It Was A Good Day, now nowhere near as good as it was supposed to be… Five Thousand words, remember that but I think I’ve written most of a “wonderful” solid chapter for my novel.

I was dead asleep for most of the day which might explain why physically I feel so wide awake, that and being a spokesman for 5-hour ENERGY, not for real but a shot a day gives me the words to say. Speaking of shots, that would have been faster I believe, a military man especially a commander should keep a journal I heard once, as far as the war against the ant population, it goes well, two ant baits and I now have a pest mass genocide. One more day off and then there’s hell to pay, as in Black Friday, how I wish I could summon up my rage against the General Manager, why not the general population, I’m not picky, only picked on.

The question tonight is, why am I the biggest bully of them all, don’t get me wrong, my day job is doing awesome destroying me, you would think I would take this more seriously, writing but still I remain. People talk about these weeks as a season of miracles, I only want one, and that’s to finish my novel on time and with everything that is about to happen… Well, one more good thing, my Mother is cooking which means “B III” and I should eat well if we make it until Thursday but then again, don’t I get paid Friday and if I had my way I wouldn’t go out on either of those days so yeah yay Mom.

Maybe that’s it; I’m a bully that’s been knocked down but beating myself up is so damn easy that yeah everyone does it, and I still want to lend a hand because that’s what I do, hurt myself to benefit others. I heard this ad that says Christmas reminds us of how good we can be, “Triple B” is alive I’m right, I haven’t tried to kill myself in ages, that works, I might have reclaimed some of this house, okay then but what’s not, this Willing Parody Of Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

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History is at the mercy of the victor’s whims, but I always like to believe that it’s the wheelhouse survivors, then again Hitler’s book was a best seller, and most of the erotica I read is from white women, but here I am. “To Will Wash History”

Friday, November 16, 2018

Episode 138 ~To Will Wash History~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, but it wouldn’t matter if I did anyway as no amount of money can cover up the truth but the thing is, that enough of it does make it easier to live with some way. Right now I’m doing what I do for free so no wonder it’s so damn difficult to keep going over it, hell if people can’t get past the title, that has changed, but still, there’s Facebook.

Of course, I could always delete it but what kind of man would I be because there still is that belief that one of these days I’ll be bragging to these people and I want evidence that even though I screwed up plenty, here I am writing my victory speech, rather than my concession. I’ve said before that I write so much attempting to outrun certain words, ideas, and names but I can never control all of it; hasn’t it been a while since I thought of the “Fly Girl” better left to the past. The thing is I wish I could forget today’s writing for Pay Two Plague, how about erasing the schedule at work, and always the words I speak, but there is an Echo for one reason or another in my head… yeah, Where Is My Mind?

If anything My Lady, do you know how many times I’ve written “My Master” but that’s another story literally, my brain would be about as useless as the backspace and delete keys and 27,500 words I don’t care to explain. Speaking of words, I don’t need *ahem* Raid: Ant Baits, when I’m not busy writing I’m putting down ant invasions and those pieces of sh*t, both bug and weapon are not worth anything. For tonight it’s looking like I don’t have to tell you in horror stories but Then The Morning Comes, I’m going for five thousand words, NaNoWriMo is a word I have come to respect and admire, but my words don’t do it justice to be completely honest.

How many words will it take to drown out the past, how many to make the present worth living and how many to rewrite the future because what I know and even what I don’t is not worth reading. It’s like 1984 with everyone else’s words I wonder of my existence. Do I honestly want to, this weekend the day job will see since I’m not going in and I don’t want to with Black Friday coming, but there’s no way To Will Wash History?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 137 ~An Eye Of Will~

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Eyeing my next line, whether it be my finances, the ant invasion, or that sliver of sleep I get before all of a sudden it’s morning again but for now thank goodness the only girls I’m seeing are in my novel. “An Eye Of Will.”

Thursday, November 15, 2018

Episode 137 ~An Eye Of Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, don’t blow all your money on the holidays, Halloween’s long gone and Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, hell I know enough not to waste money buying porn… well, I know that now. Still I wrote witches into my story, and currently, I’m incorporating Alycia Debnam-Carey, Lexi Ainsworth, and Haley Pullos into my novel, apologies ladies, I have a thing for brunettes and Brown Eyed Girl, (I’m aware Alycia has green eyes.)

 

I need something beautiful to look at, well someone, yes the words of my current title are plenty ugly, but I have seen far worse this past couple of days, the death of a great artist R.I.P. Stan Lee, too few hours of sleep, and I swear if I see one more line of ants. Don’t think I’m going to be in the black this year even if I finish my “Harem Erotica” I’m sure I’ve told someone that on more than one occasion, these days are blurring together, but there’s always “Just Another” girl in the morning. Not that “B III” is giving up his spot in the bed anytime soon and I’m sure his dearest human is bugging the hell out of him.

Sex is something that keeps my eyes wide open, but I suppose you have witnessed these past few weeks that all I want to do is close them, let’s meet in the middle and say Eyes Wide Shut” in a way. All my dirty talk which is pretty moronic despite the plethora of Erotica I read I store for “Pay Two Plague” which very few people have had a “positive” opinion of, I swear if Trump can say “grab ’em by the pussy” how horrible am I? I suppose you could ask The MILF, Eileen Kelly, and Angie Varona, more apologies ladies, if only my fantasies outnumber my problems tonight.

I did finish writing sooner than expected but 5-hour ENERGY plus an Adrenaline rush, so many legs and I want to put them all to bed, but “D-Spray” isn’t something you can pick up from the store. Neither are girls like this, I swear Dirty Diana, we’ve gone from brunettes to girls with black hair and now Sabrina Nichole, no I’m not drunk but probably all kinds of high on fucking fumes… had to justify that warning somehow, to keep going An Eye Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 136 ~Plague Two Pay Will~

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Well, I found my niche, but my title doesn’t reflect it sadly, not that I’ve shared the novel with anyone as of yet, is that a big sin considering I have four already written, best read in the dark, with the lights off. Plague Two Pay Will.

Wednesday, November 14, 2018

Episode 136 ~Plague Two Pay Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, ignore everybody else or at least that’s how Republicans look at it and that should count as a pretty big sin shouldn’t it, turning my back on the world, for this month at least. I know this is Lady Sophia’s wheelhouse, but there are days like these I remember why it’s right and okay to neglect humanity and then well Michonne:

“But the truth is the path ahead has only grown darker. It’s harder to see. You can feel so lost so alone so desperate for something, anything that might show you the way. But even now, after all this time, surrounded by darkness there are still flashes of light tiny beacons that shine out, calling to us. It’s not enough to light the way ahead, but it’s enough to keep going. Keep trying. Keep fighting. Keep dreaming.” Michonne TWD 6X09

I’m sure I’ve said on more than one occasion that I value the darkness in all its forms because I don’t want people to see, take my novel, for example, people are either in a brothel, below a beast or beneath a boulder and how’s this for irony. I want people to be blind, and at the same damn time people see these things only to call them out, so I give the people what they want, whether I want to or not, that’s my first sin. My second sin is, that while I’m making it a habit of ignoring all those people I face, here I am tonight appreciating someone who did inspire a name change of my book from “Plague Two Pay” to “Pay Two Plague” Inspector Echo.

“Look at my eyes, Faye. One of them is a fake because I lost it in an accident. Since then, I’ve been seeing the past in one eye and the present in the other. So, I thought I could only see patches of reality, never the whole picture.” Spike Spiegel

I suppose people have two eyes for a reason, two ears, then the trinity of one brain, one heart, and whatever’s going on between people’s legs these days, which is my third sin that my balls are no longer suffering for No Nut November. I think I’ve already talked about my coworker who’s having a series of trials and tribulations but is it a sin to not know what to say, hell Inspector Echo today was filled with not knowing a thing, tonight even I don’t know where my story is going, the darkness. The idea is the things that light me up, and here we go again, the glow of women, the crinkle of dollars, and a tale of blood, my impossible, immoral, illegal bouts of insanity and a lack of sleep this week.

Should I leave it at that, three sins isn’t too bad but again, idle hands. Yes I have been far from that this week but there is so much work left to me honestly, and the new world is built upon the bones of the old always and yes I feel it in my own but grateful for “B III.” Will you forgive me Inspector Echo, for being so accommodating to the masses, for practicing the art of “Doublethink” when it comes to hating people’s opinions and loving them, and for not controlling myself all the more, my sins a disease, Plague Two Pay Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 135 ~One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia~

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As the song goes, you shook me all night long, or several seeing as how it’s NaNoWriMo month, so I’m falling in love with writing, or maybe I should say “it’s complicated, but it’s getting there. One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia.

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Episode 135 ~One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, well you don’t get anesthesia on how you made the first one or the last one, the middle though can get a little fuzzy; reaching out trying to connect in this California King Bed. My Love, I wish I could start Back At One, sometimes it must feel like I’ve been out all night and to think I can climb back in bed and you would be waiting for me, that the first of December will be here soon enough right?

Do I think that one word will be enough for you while I share fifty thousand? A prisoner in solitary singing Just My Imagination running away with me, as I think about the day we first met and the day, it will be just you and me. So do I forget about everything in-between, not when I’m at the day job, not when the dollars start rolling in, not when I’m across the country, the ocean, or the other side of the world? I could never outrun the love I have for you, but I recreate the universe from home, and here I feel so far away from you, one more reason writing requires nothing more but to sit here and bleed… did I honestly say that, hehe “no regrets.”

Now seeing how I write my novels, notably taking part in another NaNoWriMo, let me say that once upon a time I read the most dangerous thing on Earth is a man with nothing to lose but also it was a woman who was defending her children. I began writing because I needed to find that man and when that was over, I wanted to see that woman, and in doing so, I discovered us, and I know, as always I’m overthinking things. It’s like the one time in four years, (barring professional wrestling) that I get lost in the Olympics, the one time in my daily life (usually 1.5 hours) I want to read, and now this one month.

Usually three counting “Camp NaNoWriMo” I want to write, and the reason I do is always for one, the love of the man I want to be, the love of my art, and For The Love Of You. So I’m not apologizing for this one bestseller, hopefully, several considering, for the one time I forget I’m not “a *ahem* P-I-M-P,” and here I have only realized I write “Harem Romances.” I guess making up for the one woman I love with everything I am, I love you but my writing baby girl this indeed is my One Reasonable Willing Anesthesia.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

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Why do people even care, is my face not enough, my anxiety, how I move or talk, and today I’m getting all these personal questions, and I would say I don’t want to talk about me because Hell the don’t get me. “It’s Okay If They Don’t.”

Monday, November 12, 2018

Episode 134 ~It’s Okay If They Don’t…~

Fifty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars? If anything don’t apologize for how you make it, Tupac Shakur said it best “whether rhyme or crime I’m getting mine” but here’s the thing, if you’re going to be a worker be the best damn worker. If you’re a thief, then accept it; pornstar, writer, jock, don’t be sorry. My General Manager told me once that people didn’t get me *sigh* I should have said “where in my job description it is written I have to help people understand me hmm” so don’t.

Being honest this is the second half of Rule 057: They Don’t Understand Your Shit; so the premise is that people won’t understand you regardless of it being good, bad, or otherwise, you have to be okay with you. If it means, you have to cut people out, or they walk away, don’t change for nobody; my “father” used to tell me to be myself, and he didn’t like me, to this day I meet people he knows, and they say “I didn’t know he had a son.” I’ve grown to accept my status as an “Unperson,” and the thing is people don’t understand why anyone doesn’t want to be like them; have you seen how many “Trumps” we have?

I’ve also told you about how tired I am saying sorry because in a way it merely serves as another excuse for things that I know nothing about and even if I do we all handle things differently than others. One of my coworkers was telling me about his dog passing away, his love leaving him, his truck finally giving up on him and what am I supposed to say, what knowledge can I impart *ahem* Will’s Writings, Witticisms, And Wisdom, ironic hmm? If something happened to “B III” the last thing I would be doing is working, can’t say a girl I love has left me, I’m perpetually studying that word, and I have two cars and as long as I’m not staying at my parents’ house on Thanksgiving…

Finally, it’s the idea that people aren’t okay with themselves and their “Stuff And Thangs” so they have to make something wrong with you, so they appear normal, and the sad thing is, the world in which I have come to understand makes them “Average Joes.” The big question, is it okay if I don’t understand me, do I understand my shit; my answer is a resounding “Hell to da Naw,” and one day I have to look into the mirror and say, it’s okay if I don’t know and It’s Okay If They Don’t…

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 133 ~Will Vet For You~

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There are people out there fighting for my life, some who are protecting my son’s life and I dare to complain that I want all this living that I should be doing to mean something but nobody vetted my soul. “Will Vet For You.”

Sunday, November 11, 2018

Episode 133 ~Will Vet For You~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, I want to say if you can be you that “It’s Possible” to deserve it, to earn it and so much more and you look at yourself today on this Veteran’s Day. You’ve never been to war, you wanted to be a Veterinarian at one point, and now you sell your visions.

Even when you were a child you wanted to be a war correspondent, you knew then that the next battle was upon the horizon and you wanted to see it, never one for blood but lead, ink, a bunch of ones and zeros because you’re no hero. Hell you were a Navy Seaman (recruit) for about two weeks, how they make things look good on paper but they weren’t looking at you, they didn’t want to, nobody thought to vet you which is the point today. I don’t want to call you a loser, somebody not worth anything but today as always we evaluate who you are and what does this say, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 030 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 002 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Write 10,200 Words For My Novel “NaNoWriMo Challenge”
Failed

You can’t live your life so how can you be expected to save a life, especially knowing how you feel about most humans and for some stupid reason back in school you wished to work for The Humane Society and later become a Vet. Forever be grateful that “B III” is still alive but yes I talked a lot about the Vet that helped him, dispensing pills without any show of heart or compassion but still “Triple B” is okay. Another person that should get vetted but who are you to judge (Refer to #2) and that one point you get for even breathing and what will you do with your life, Six Impossible Things.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Catch-Up Fully With My New Novel “NaNoWriMo Challenge”

So one group saw what they wanted you to become, another I judged but again I couldn’t do it, and I don’t think you have any plans to go to school for it, so I am asking you to vet yourself and see who you are but of course that hurts too much. If some were to judge your writing, yeah straight to jail but if it’s by the “man” everyone sees, back in school you were considered too weak for a while, juvenile hall you were nobody, at the day job you’re a workhorse. My biggest wish, every week for you is that you’ll be better than I was, you must be but who am I to speak for you, be The Man who fights, who fixes, who finally lives his purpose, who can vet a brand new man, I Will Vet For You.

Episode 132 ~What Keeps You Willing~

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Being perfectly honest I wish I wasn’t and no I’m not getting on about my name I mean getting off my ass and doing something other than running to work, searching for sex, and rushing to stop the flood of invaders. “What Keeps You Willing?”

Saturday, November 10, 2018

Episode 132 ~What Keeps You Willing~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, three months in, I should have a quarter of a million dollars… I spoke about mimes yesterday, and that’s one more good thing about them, you can’t hear them laughing at you. Can’t see them either considering I have been asleep most of the day and things I don’t want to see today. More things to break my No Fap streak, too late, more black dots across the kitchen floor or Braxton’s room marching, and how about the crap for my novel but the ideas keep on coming more and more.

Hell Lady Luna the only reason I got anything done today was “B III” tugging at my arm, one more thing I didn’t want to see is him hacking and coughing, that fat cat that’s looking for a fight, or whatever wound I inflicted on myself around my heart. I don’t want to see when I have to go to work tomorrow, how about what I’ll procrastinate with next, today it’s been Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Rick Grimes’s last episode, and then there’s my dining room chair. So today’s question is what do I do it all for, I’ve said so many times before I don’t look in mirrors, I counted my money which is another bit of depression, and no I’m not suicidal… okay, I always am but closing my eyes and wasting today did work wonders.

It always comes back to FEAR but if I need to pick up F’s they would be FIRED, FATHER, and of course “The F Word” because I hear Captain America saying “Language”; still why do I get up for work, don’t like my job, hate people but I don’t want to get fired. Every Morning when I wake up as the song goes and I’m not headed off to work I see my son look at me like Papa Can You Hear Me, and I‘m nowhere near the best dad in the world and I still can’t believe I still dream of having the “Nuclear Family” to be a Father. Of course, that requires “The F Word” and no I don’t mean Fapping, and when it comes to sex, yeah I have far too much of that in my novel and far too little in reality but the promise of it… talk about loftier F’s.

Ask me why I wake up in the morning other than to walk B III, give him his meds, and pray for twenty-four hours not to fight the horde, at this rate I’m going to have to do actual real adulting and call someone. People Lady Lu, humanity, like Me Before You, A Million Little Things, Let Me In, we are supposed to live to make other people happy, and that’s not fair when we can’t have that so Lady Lu What Keeps You Willing?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

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The pretend man is at it again, well that was until I was cradling “B III,” fighting an ant caravan or wondering what the hell am I becoming while writing other than a terrible writer… too late, but I am a clown. Your Willie Don’t Mine

Friday, November 9, 2018

Episode 131 ~Your Willie Don’t Mime~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you have to work every day, and today I make no excuses although I always have a million of those, another ant invasion, “B III” having to visit the vet because of his heart, and here I feel as though I took a hit in mine. Literally Lady Sophia my chest hurts right there, could be breathing in that bug spray, my exhaustion, I nearly threw up last night because I was so out of it, still am, and maybe that’s why I didn’t want to talk to you, the universe, and what’s that they say of dead men my friend…

This whole week I’ve felt like a “MIME” in everything I do, at work being the hard-working employee and still feeling so guilty when somebody writes down I’m not showing up. As a writer, talk about being an epic failure, on the one hand, shouldn’t I feel proud, I can turn off everything in this life and focus only to fall into the black of words, TV screens, or pools of ants, I swear I have no idea where any of it is coming from. What about what I can see, I’ve been fucking up as a father forever and a day and all it took was one bad night and it surely was a million times worse for my kid but sleeping in my bed, his food, going for walks, that fear Lady Sophia seeing him struggle to live.

Lady Sophia that silence would kill me; if I couldn’t write anymore and if I lost everything trying to work so hard to remain nothing more than an “UNPERSON” I don’t feel as though I exist, that I should, or that I even want to. Indiana Gone and I were talking about this, I always get called into work but if I don’t show up then so what, it doesn’t matter the day continues and if they call me terrible or people are indifferent towards me. On the other side, I’m the entertainment, I’ve said that before, the inspiration of jokes, the example of how not to do something, the monster makes the damsel relevant.

Now that is something I don’t mind or mime if you were to look up my internet history, in this world, there are never enough warning labels are there, and again last night I was so wrecked, I was like everybody else, close your eyes and ignore everything. If you can’t see a mime though, does he exist, one more reason I’m a writer, I can pretend to write, or I can do it; with desire, Your Willie Don’t Mime.

I Will Have No Fear