Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

November 20, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Maybe if I was left with a few beers, sometimes as the song goes I wish it would rain, could I maybe go work out in the gym, how about having some woman in my bed, anything to stop talking about my feelings “Stop Crying Your Heart Out”

Monday, November 20, 2017

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

Seventh Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, but complaints, tears, frustrations, worries, and who am kidding there is fear, there is always fear, but the trick is that nobody is supposed to know it if anything that is not what a man is. As if I know what being a real man is right but on the other hand, there are plenty of days I don’t think I even have a heart at all really.

I get accused of a lot of wearing my heart on my sleeve and even today I could find plenty to cry about, how hard work was today (my boss said I look like Spike Lee) plus I’m just so tired, how this week is going to suck overall, or how about why I’m even bothering with NaNoWriMo. What about the situation I found myself in so many months ago; no question I wasn’t being a gentleman back then and I think I read somewhere that a gentleman must keep these feelings to himself. It hasn’t just been words either which has been ugly enough I think, but then again can I count my heart amongst some of those ha.

You don’t know how many times I wish I could just break down and cry or to actually pray for a miracle, should I start envying my dog and maybe I understand why some men make themselves out to be gods. Could you imagine God crying about something and you know this will lead to a Jesus discussion so let’s just drop it right now? That’s the thing though I should just drop it, drop everything that makes me, myself I guess and instead of crying, drown my sorrows, fake it till I make it, or whatever else people say.

So am I expected to lie forever… if other people can do it, and at least it would be something because you know I’m too quiet anyways isn’t that right. The thing is crying never solves anything now does is Madam Justice, I think even you would think less of me but truth be told can people’s opinion of me get any lower… still complaining?

I again find myself apologizing for just being me for I am truly guilty but it could be worse, it nearly has been worse but at the end of the day, I’m still alive so Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 120 ~Open Up, Say Ahh~

October 29, 2017 WillLeave a comment

The good news is I didn’t have to do much talking today but then again seeing as how people talk to signify their own lives I wonder how much longer I’ll last, maybe I should go see a doctor or not. Open Up, Say Ahh

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Lesson 120 ~Open Up, Say Ahh~

To Will:
No Fear, open up, say ahh when you have no choice but to figure things out for yourself, “Adulting” is hard and only getting harder and there’ll be days when you have to ask some older adults but for today appreciate the win. Also don’t be so quick to jump to the worse possible outcome, it keeps you alive but the anxiety only gets worse; easier said than done but don’t play WebMD whenever you can avoid it.

Open up, say ahh, to new experiences, today wasn’t much of one but how long did you listen to the “Sick Fux” playlist, if only every day you could feel like you did when “ My Boy Lollipop” was playing, something for the future wife to sing? Speaking of new experiences, when are you going to start going out again, it would be something if you were actually working but since you’re not… It can also be said since you’re not going to the doctor anytime soon, open up, say would be better served in some bedroom play perhaps ha?

Now, what was it I said about imaging the worst case scenario, which might actually be something if you weren’t enjoying being kept away from the group, working by yourself, and it makes it much easier not to be a caveman when there is nobody to talk to. Open, up, say ahh when you actually do learn something new, how often do you find yourself having the same, comfortable conversation but really what else is there with some people ad the dog? Yes, sometimes it actually is better that you keep your mouth shut during certain occasions because soon you’ll have to talk just because.

No, I don’t mean Halloween, I can’t tell you how you’re going to feel come that day and if anything you might be afraid for all the wrong reasons. One more day out of the year but today was too damn easy considering what I expected and when work gets easy, beware is the rule of thumb or has been.

I don’t know whether to tell you to be a better man, just a man, or just to stay alive but every day you should always strive to be better but not all at once, you might look in the mirror one day and not recognize the man you are, all Open Up, Say Ahh.

I Will Have No Fear

How to Fireproof Happy

September 6, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Plenty of days I don’t think Happy even exist but why should I be happy on this particular day, shouldn’t I be happy every day or at least be allowed to look for it in my own way, even in my darkness. “How to Fireproof Happy” don’t expect any candles

A star, a wish, just the one
When I can’t even recognize my own name
So here comes the sun,
Only there is pain, there are flames
Can you make this day snappy?

How long was it until my parents were through?
They don’t even admit their mistake
Their wish didn’t come true
either, oh the heartbreak
with this day but mammy and pappy

can’t we all agree
to blame someone, anyone as the cake melts
because the last thing we need is me blowing
anything else, since I’m going to Hell
As I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death for
I know there is no other path and you know
the same. So on this day I ask for nothing more
not a candle, not a bulb, not an inferno
nothing as sappy

like the knowledge that I am still alive
This does not make me a liar
Just like five fingers don’t always mean goodbye
I didn’t start the fire
So maybe I can still see the happy

Will Known

August 26, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Something I’m going to regret, not today, hopefully not tomorrow, but for now as they sing fifteen percent concentrated power of Will, though I’m firing on all cylinders now. Will Known, who knows but someday maybe, and no I don’t mean never heh

How can you define Will?
Not in the words of a dead man
Have you bothered to check?
Could you possibly, listen, listen, hear, and understand
this secret I spill

What, “I’m Alive”, Will,
before the faces of a billion men
some wrong women I suspect,
to my virtues and vices, regrets and sins
I’ll scream it until

who I am and choose to be is Will
like Will Smith Will Schuester, Will Parry
do they expect
I can be like them, then it’s not so scary
until I thrill

when adversity threatens, my force of Will
more effective than an AK, hotter than a Molotov cocktail
let me direct
World War Three on Pay TV, a script to Hell
Maybe I can pay the bills

where Batman does but sign my checks Will
with my potential, my future, like any superhero
God knows I’m not perfect
I’m only human don’t you know…
No, then I have something to fulfill

Why promise anyone but Will
Free Will, Iron Will, even if I’m the one to blame
There will be some respect
People will remember the name
Yes I’m gonna make it, yes I Will

Convince The Reaper

August 1, 2017 WillLeave a comment

People often talk to God and even he’s not there or he ain’t listening and these past few days I have heard plenty of people asking other people why. Convince The Reaper… can anyone really know, why do they try; humanity

For what is death, if not a Contract
Between what we consider destiny
And perhaps the one simple fact
That you and everyone you meet
In the simplest terms… will die
Yes I know even me
Yet you question and want to know why
We will all have the big sleep

As if you have some Covenant with God
Or whatever you call that higher power
Seeing the lives now robbed
Wondering of that final hour
Alas we can never see
Until it comes for us all
Consider it too soon maybe
But I ask, who you gonna call

How do we manage that Conversation?
Who now speaks for the dead?
Listen to the voice of the nation
Do you know what I said
Nothing, yes for there is nothing
There are the dead, the head, and oh yes the great divine
While there are those who look for something
Whatever will they find… this time?

With all they’re Collaboration
When has life been fair?
People talk about what they call salvation
So they seek life elsewhere
Praying for those that have been lost
Or albeit much too soon
Knowledge I’m afraid is a heavy cost
Preferring not to think of doom

Though it is always Coming
Is there anything you can do?
Won’t tell you to stop running
I suppose I know my truth
At the end… for those still Alive
Asking after him or her
Feel free to ask why and to cry
No not one life can Convince the Reaper

Fresh Fear

July 27, 2017 WillLeave a comment

They don’t know they’re gone die… cows I mean, indeed all animals, hell neither do I and yet I know the fear of death. Fresh Fear; it seems like every day I find something new to be afraid of and one day I will be devoured, and when the time comes I’ll be…

Fresh, alive, me
After last night’s dream
More like a nightmare, you see

Born of my indiscretion
Reflected
Detected

On my way to the slaughterhouse
To be a mouse
How I denounce

This heart’s beating
There is no entreating
The end I’m meeting

I’m already burning
With the blades turning
Already hurting

Misery and strife
I’ll fry
But first the knife

Better to rot
At least it would stop
Wouldn’t be on top

Those carrion crows
Who would know?
Where could I go?

Nowhere
It’s not fair
Being so scared

Chosen
Frozen
Is there atonement?

Never
Should I treasure?
Forever

I don’t want to die
Or hide
Not even survive

Another breath to give
To live
Don’t think I ever did

Fear is all
As my flesh crawls
Raw

Mellow Sunshine

July 23, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Why bother being the only one, why bother trying to reach the tip top, I think this was during a moment that decent and adequate, being fine actually trumped trying to be happy, or I was really into “Paranoia Agent”. Mellow Sunshine…

Why so negative
Looked at as a sin

Twelve wanting to be twelve
The difference between Heaven and Hell
Is PM to AM
It’s not fair
Middle to the start of the new
Which do you choose?
Morning is declined
For the mellow sunshine

God’s happy cry
For the Devil beating his wife
How I want to be happy
But the Devil can’t have me
Tears during the day
You I must obey
Not alright or fine
In the mellow sunshine

A world with more birthdays
You can take mine away
All twenty-seven
Just want to get to Heaven
Or the second-circle of Hell
Can’t you tell?
I don’t deny
With the mellow sunshine

Life begins
When
Love, lust, and sin
Maybe when life ends
From cell, to cell, to Hell
Oh well
Life’s a bitch and then you die
Not on a beach but mellow sunshine

And so many stars can’t be the one
Sun
My daddy taught me
Another somebody
Under a black sky
Why can’t I die?
Still alive
This mellow sunshine

Negativity I like
Because the mellow sunshine
Isn’t as bright
As you would like

Tail, Tale, Tell

July 10, 2017 WillLeave a comment

People don’t follow the heroes, they come to you, same as the villains, and I’m done following pretty girls of all different hair varieties and a pox on 99% of politicians. Tail, Tale, Tell, maybe, I’m still thinking about my anxiety maybe.

If it wasn’t Peter, playboy, potion
to the tune of number nine or Mambo No. 5
a cape in the sun
or that slow march towards oblivion
which is everywhere or chasing some tail
Wherever men choose to wallow
and fields must be kept fallow

for years under the notion
that in or to survive
They must run
jump or swim the Stygian
Like a hero in some fairytale
you expect for me to swallow
asking why can’t I be Apollo

riding in slow motion.
I’m going to see if I’m really alive
because you won’t be the one
So don’t be forgiving then
Even if there is no one to tell
The words may sound hollow
but never again will I follow

Who?

Blame Atom

April 29, 2017 WillLeave a comment

Well I have to blame something or someone, but seeing as how all my loves have been one sided, should I blame the stars, those pedestals I keep building, my biology, or how I imagine some girl falling for me. Blame Atom or my own eyes.

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AIaGdHY3zXA

And I don’t blame you
for love is such sweet suicide

So I’ll make you an angel somehow
Yet I commit much greater sins
Like I would sell my soul
Because maybe just maybe
I think I can tell her… I want us to be together
The things I want to believe

You’d find me with a mushroom cloud
Accomplish what other didn’t; thirteen women…
yeah I’m gonna dig myself a hole,
watch world war three on pay TV,
make love in a fallout shelter
My atom bomb baby

if you would love me like you do
Blame you, love I’m still alive

Inspired By: Yuna Naruse, Saishuu Chikan Densha 2, Midnight Sleazy Train 2, Edwin McCain “I’ll Be”, Sammy Salvo ~ A Mushroom Cloud (1961)… Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Bill Haley and His Comets “Thirteen Women” (1954) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Arthur ‘Big Boy’ Crudup “I’m Gonna Dig Myself A Hole” (1951) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Crown City Four “Watch World War Three (On Pay TV) (1960) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Dore Alpert “Fallout Shelter” (1962) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Five Stars “Atom Bomb Baby” (1957) Cold War Classics (Atomic Platters), Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, and Meat Loaf “Alive”

Will’s Writings, Witticisms, & Wisdom

And be a simple kind of man

Tag: Alive

Lesson 142 ~Stop Crying Your Heart Out~

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Lesson 120 ~Open Up, Say Ahh~

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How to Fireproof Happy

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Will Known

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Convince The Reaper

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Fresh Fear

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Mellow Sunshine

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Tail, Tale, Tell

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Blame Atom

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