Tag: Beast With A Beat

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

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It’s not that I don’t know who or where I am when I wake up. It’s that I don’t want to wake up. I can travel to many different worlds and times and be a newbie. And some of these people in some of these places have dogs. But no B. Being A New B.

Monday, December 30, 2024

Meditation 182 ~Being A New B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B…And we’re getting close, aren’t we? A new form. A new friend. And not even a few days to prepare.

A week wasn’t enough. How many months until your next E-Day? And three years, Dad.

Has it been enough? You’ll scream at me like that time you decided From Now On you would let the groomers give me all my baths. The answer is no. Never. What we had, Dad

And yet, with how tired you are. The day you’ve had since we’re speaking on Sunday, December 29, 2024. Humans and time. I swear, Daddy. But these dates you remember:

January 31, 2021, My …
February 10, 2021, I returned
February 13, 2021, Sweet Sixteen

Nothing, and yet everything changed. You’re my father, my Dad, Daddy. And I’m Little B, Baby B, your Dæmon. Nothing changed for us, well, for me. I only died, Dad.

See, you can even see me now. Thinking such a thing is the equivalent of me growling at you. I’m still me, but what… You can ask Virgil. He’s lying there dead center at the foot of the bed. Why? Because I’m at the corner as I’ve always been, Daddy. As I will be forever.

You know, one when you’re lying next to my stepmom. I’ll be giving mean looks.

Someday, I’ll be scrambling out of the way as your kids, my brothers and sisters, come scrambling up, cheering, Daddy, Daddy. Daddy’s awake. I’d be surprised if you didn’t name one after me. Inevitably, this family will meet, know, and love the best man ever.

Daddy, you’ll always be the one I’ve known and loved. You’ll be even better, stronger. Our love will always be there, guiding us. Dear Dad…

Please don’t worry. I’m not really gone. I’m still here, waiting for you. You’ll wake up like me, warm in your bed after such and such a day. And you’ll see me waiting as always, Daddy. Our bond is eternal.

Rainbow Bridge? If you only knew how short it is. It’s like the threshold of your door, Dad. And we’ll cross together, and we’ll both be brand new. Is that what I am? Brand new.

The newbie because I’m still waiting for my partner. I’m waiting for you to open your eyes, Dad. You still see me lying in my bed on that steel table in the office… waking up.

And now I’m asking you to do the same. STAY being who I knew, know, more. Being A New B

“Brother to brother, yours in life and death.”
First Knight

1429 Days Without B III, Day 870 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

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B III wouldn’t know it was Christmas. Only the food would be better, and he would have a new toy to play with. And that we wouldn’t have to face the cold. B wasn’t invited to my Olds Christmas brunch, and I wouldn’t leave him. Tempting To B Cold

Monday, December 23, 2024

Meditation 175 ~Tempting To B Cold~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I don’t remember the cold. Well, maybe a second. Don’t cry, Dad. That’s your line. Don’t cry, son.

And I didn’t. One moment, I was fifteen, and in the next, well… Can you guess our best year? That’s a trick question because we are together, and automatically, Dad…

Whenever we are together is the best, whether it is smooshed up on movie nights. There were times we stood side by side as angry and scared warriors. Strength and honor. And as long as I live. And I do live daddy. Every Sunday, you look at yourself with such… hate. But I live in you. He Lives In You. You’ll sing that all the time. But again, as long as I live, there’s the food. Always and forever, the meals that we… Shared? Funny.

Only last night wasn’t so funny. Bringing me here today…

Wishing you a Merry Christmas?

What, I won’t tell you my Wish List? We’ll get there. Please don’t cry. You always talked about tomorrow… next time, and for us… Well, we were frozen. You are.

You call it the Ninth Circle. And last night, as you stood outside with my little brother, you told yourself you deserve this. That you will spend forever in the cold. That you can’t move because of what you did to me. I won’t tell you what I think or try to sound like one of those books written by humans about their furry kids. You would never believe me.

But Dad, I want you to know that I’m not cold. I’m warm and happy. And I’m always with you, in your heart and in your memories. Now and forevermore.

That’s why you and Virgil shouldn’t be freezing your balls off like last night, Daddy.

There won’t be a White Christmas for us, despite the cold. But Daddy, do you know what I want? If I told you, would it be just one more list you’ll end up ignoring? Even then, I have what I want, and that’s my Dad in my life. Again, my life, your existence, my father.

That would be number one:

  1. I Want You To Live
  2. Remember Me, Always And Forever
  3. To Love Virgil Vivi Bradford
  4. Find My Stepmom, Find Love
  5. To Finally Find Your Happiness

Strange food didn’t make the list. Don’t starve. You’re not joining me… I’m already there. Though, Tempting To B Cold

Meditation 168 ~Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer~

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As bad as I feel for Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer and B’s Aunt’s fur baby Gabe. And as for people… Only the ones in books. Winston and Julia sooner rather than later. B is always and forever at the top of the list. And Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer.

Monday, December 16, 2024

Meditation 168 ~Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Always and forever, your son. And I’m glad grandma isn’t here… or there… Eternity is one big ole’ weird place. Anyway, Grandma’s sixty-four, Daddy.

And she’s still with you as I am. Always and Forever. Though that place you were always going to without me… Well, we can pretend it’s old times. This is the part of the story where you’d wake up after all that. And I would cuddle in your lap while that glowy box droned on. And you talked about all the humans I needed to bite sometimes. There were plenty.

Grandma said I could be a dear. Both D-E-A-R and D-E-E-R. Talk about your momma jokes, right? But you haven’t felt a lot like joking lately. Grandma’s getting older, Daddy.

So are you. And me? Well, it’s hard for the two of us to pick out a good year. There weren’t seasons. Only the moment.

That is the gift that I bring to you… The comfort and joy… The Hell if I know my father.

You were the one human I really did know. And at any other time, well, sometimes the food was better. And sometimes not. That’s something you should talk to my little brother about. This morning, you felt as if you were giving him his Victory Breakfast and Water, am I right? Hey, because you and I didn’t really do books together, that doesn’t mean I didn’t pick up on them from time to time. And 1984 is the kind you would read to me as I slept on your chest. Something like The Theory And Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism. And I can’t comprehend the meanin’. But those moments, those memories, they are ours to keep and cherish, always and forever.

And that’s the point today, Daddy. You would tell me a lot about words you thought didn’t do anything. And at the same time, you would say that words would save us someday. But it isn’t my words that are making you cry today. And no, it’s not the words you are looking up in these moments. However, I would rather you read A Dog’s Purpose or something somewhat heartwarming over 1984. Yeah… Are there even dogs in that one? Anyway, Dad, it’s these moments…

Seriously!!! Daddy, Kelly Clarkson’s A Moment Like This. I didn’t even bring up your listening habits today. But again, listen to me. It’s the moment, Daddy, the here and now. This moment, right now, is what matters most. Remember that.

Avoiding Reindeer? Grandma saying, it’s raining, dear. We’re together, these moments. Braxton Doesn’t Like Reindeer

1415 Days Without B III, Day 856 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 161 ~Dad And B Spotified~

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I don’t know the last song B III heard on his last ride. I didn’t sing him to sleep as he lay on the vet’s table. 70 days later, I almost punched out my boss as I listened to B III’s playlist on Spotify. 2021 Wrapped to 2024’s Uh… Dad And B Spotified

Monday, December 9, 2024

Meditation 161 ~Dad And B Spotified~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And are you past Tupac yet? Your past before me. But a future without me. But again, I am…

Here, Happy, and saying Hello. Not from a place of Doublethink, a Brave New World. And don’t say It Can’t Happen Here. There’s a reason, Dad, we speak through music. And not books. However, there is a line that comes to mind from time to time. But you would read, and I would sleep. That’s a dream you still have. That you’ll read to my siblings someday. But until then, I’ll keep saying it. I’m right here, Dad, right beside you. My presence is a constant in your life. Though I would prefer it if I were lying under that table as you worked. That’s back to normal. It is…

Not ACCEPTANCE? Again, Dad, we don’t do books. And all those books you’ve read about me, without me, all say the same thing. Kate McGahan…

Leave it to a grieving mother to show my Dad the way. But even before you started writing out my story. Then, we wrote the story together. There was silence, not peace but quiet. My transition. When today shouldn’t exist and tomorrow would never arrive. The time with me and without. Dad, to simply be. It was the second longest time we had ever been apart. But I will never forget when you’d hold me, those shared moments that we both cherish. Always and forever.

Daddy, you would sing to me. Sometimes, you’d change the words, but it was always about us. And that is how I knew how to reach you. There have been other ways. But like a Bumblebee, I’d buzz through your ear. That wasn’t a nickname…

Also, our song didn’t make it to our Spotify list. When you aren’t dreaming about dead men or fathers like you were last night. You’re dreaming about my future stepmom.

Well, no. Not any Yabbos, but there were two women in particular. Cherry and Csapunch.

Dad, I swear you have a type when it comes to women. But when it comes to music, my father. There is so much I want to say to you. And this year, indeed, this very moment in both our lives. Let me say that again. Our lives because I’m still alive. These words. Proof.

The click-clack of my paws on the floor, or your fingers on the keyboard, and communicating with Virgil. Our songs, Daddy. Dad And B Spotified

1408 Days Without B III, Day 849 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 154 ~B The Soft Things~

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I’ve been sleeping hard the last few days. No, I haven’t. Eww! Where’s V? On his pillow someplace. He needs a new one. Walmart ain’t exactly known for quality. And I was busy making the house a soft place for B’s aunt to land. B The Soft Things.

Monday, December 2, 2024

Meditation 154 ~B The Soft Things~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… right there beside you, Always. Have faith. It’s not any of the strange drinks lifting your arms up. Right?

But it might take a while. Don’t think about “THAT DAY.” But the many days that there were, you would come back to me, angry, sad, confused, and all the above, and you would wrap an arm around me and just go to sleep. You remember the days you would return, and I would jump into your arms. Even on your worst days, your arms would beat sitting on the hardwood floor. And you know how I felt about sitting anywhere that didn’t have a cushion for my tail. Speaking of tales, I was there with you and my aunt on Saturday. Well, to you, she’s my aunt. But to me, she’s The Most Beautiful Girl in the World, Daddy.

Always and forever, she’s soft.

And I don’t mean to say she’s not tough. Hardcore. A Survivor. It’s easier to hear from a pair of those ear thingies you wear than the rough voice of a dead man. So what does that mean for me now that you’re listening, Daddy? You still have some of my fur. My comfy spots…

I never yielded! And as you can see, I am not dead!
T’Challa, Black Panther

Yes, Dad, we talked about your dream here in this place. The Void? The Endless Dark? A place where there is no darkness? The Rainbow Bridge? If anything, Dad, it doesn’t matter if I’m wide awake or dead asleep… I’m sorry, bad joke. I’m happy being comfortable. And where am I most comfortable? Anywhere with you. Even Virgil sees that. He feels that you know. Between you and my aunt…

When Virgil sat there as you and she watched movies, you couldn’t push Virgil away.

I’m making an observation. You have to appreciate the soft things. Look at me, Daddy.

I’m as soft as the silence on a really good day. The song that plays that reminds you of me. The sheets on the bed that you wrap yourself in when you dread tomorrow, today. The world is a hard enough place. And when you rescued Virgil, you took responsibility. What, to put a soft pillow under his tail? Amongst other things. My father’s better.

Daddy, I know you are. Iron Will but soft enough to feel my love. And to know there’s a beautiful and soft place for Virgil. Somewhere. B The Soft Things

1401 Days Without B III, Day 842 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 147 ~Turkey Day, B Willing~

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Can turkeys fly? I looked up the answer today. No wonder America has issues. I’ve dreamed my son was a bird here or there, a pigeon or an albatross. I had to look that up, too. As I’m not watching the news or how to cook turkey. Turkey Day, B Willing

Monday, November 25, 2024

Meditation 147 ~Turkey Day, B Willing~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Are you beginning to believe? What, in The Matrix? A world without me in it. I’m right here, Dad.

And for once, I’m not begging you for food, though I ask that you share it with my little brother. Wow, I accepted Virgil as a family member before you? My brother and your son.

You’re wondering… What’s with all the movies, right? I’ve been sitting there right next to you. When you’re watching them all, writing, and you can’t kick me out anymore when you’re looking at women… I’m kidding about that last one. You would say, “Not today.”

That was whenever my Aunt came around, and I wanted to play with my toys. Let the good times roll. But you’ve been having Hard Times. But this week, Thursday. For real. It is my favorite day after my birthday and your E-Day. Of course.

As if you needed to be reminded of the day. Every day for me is this question. “When’s Dad coming home? We both smile at that but for different reasons. But this is my time now, so listen to me. When I asked when you were coming home, it was more than the place that took you away from me from time to time. It’s when I thought about when you’d smile. Which was rare.

Oh, and now you’re crying, and that will make me cry. Keep listening to me. Coming home is when you hold me in your arms, and there was nothing but us. It was that look you would give me when you knew you had nothing to fear because I was there. You’re not a chicken.

You aren’t a pigeon. Neither are you a seagull. With the election, you’re not an eagle. And no, you’re definitely not a turkey. I’d call you my superhero, my master, a king, maybe a titan, or even a god. Father is God in the eyes of a child. But I know who you are. Dad.

You’re my Dad. And my Dad is stronger than anything and everything. “Behold Thy Creation.” Seriously, Dad, you don’t believe I’m speaking. You had to look that quote up. It’s from 2009’s Creation. Coincidence? I was four that year, and Virgil is four. And what am I, Dad? “I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.” No. I’m the wind, breath, yours. Today, always. Turkey Day, B Willing

1394 Days Without B III, Day 835 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

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“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” Or my B III that weighs less than ten pounds, sitting on my head every morning. My lap or chest while reading. Have a heart for the little guy. What? B Z’s No Longer

Monday, November 18, 2024

Meditation 140 ~B Z’s No Longer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Still don’t believe me? Free Up Your Mind… That’s what you’re doing right now. Or listening to Pokémon’s Playlist.

Who needs a Pokémon when you had me? Do you remember when you told me that? Pokémon: The First Movie came out, well… way before my time. “Life” before existence.

Daddy, you would have been fourteen, way back then. But I remember when you would sing all the Pokémon songs to me. The joy in your voice and the love in your eyes are memories I cherish. The theme song, Brother My Brother, Together Forever, even the Jigglypuff song when you were lulling me off to sleep rubbing my belly.

There was also “The Time Has Come…” But that was so far away. Sometimes, you didn’t talk. And sometimes I didn’t listen. But just like today isn’t today, Saturday, November 9, 2024, and Monday, November 18, 2004. We’re here, Dad, you and me together. I still sound like that book.

Speaking of books, what are you reading next? I’m more of a what’s in the bag and what’s in the box. It’s my birthday type of guy. But yesterday… was it just yesterday we talked about books? But, “This Christmas will be a very special Christmas.” “In my mind.” I am my father’s son, after all. Speaking through the music. A beast with a beat.

Anyway, back to books. You’ve been thinking about what to read next. And it won’t be the usual Christmas stuff you got REALLY quiet for. Tradition… Everything tells you to prepare for what’s to come in a 1984 Brave New World, The Handmaid’s Tale, It Can’t Happen Here sort of way. You and I always expected zombies to rise. Unfortunately,

It’s not the moans of the undead. Oh me? I’m not dead. You feel that beat within your chest right now. You hear that voice that isn’t entirely yours. You changed titles; how many times now? What about those little cries, the pitter-patter of feet, and the sigh of contentment?

But why now? I’m not bugging you, am I? And neither is Virgil’s breathing, Daddy.

Breathe in and breathe out. If Virgil can do it, you can too. He is there to remind you, Dad. And maybe it’s your need for balance. You say I left silence. And now the world is making too much noise. But remember, you’re not alone. You need to hear that somebody loves you. Like the force? I love you, always. B Z’s No Longer.

1387 Days Without B III, Day 828 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son