Tag: Fear

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

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What kind of man would I be, if I had a choice, would I be the man that gets girls, would I be a gentleman, I’ve never wanted to be Superman and I want Batman’s cash and you’ve heard, don’t try to be a great man, just be a man? Be The Tenth Man.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Lesson 079 ~Be The Tenth Man~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, well not until the first man and I wonder what was he afraid of… God, if the Bible was a fact though I believe there was something else, how could he even define it as fear? When I would attend church there was a song that says something about God not giving us the spirit of fear, so if not it, wherever did it come from, the Devil and who created Lucifer, that too much?

I think I’m getting off topic as I tend to do but I was thinking about my rule “You Are Not a Caveman” Lesson 51 ~Not Easy to Be~ although I don’t know how I’m ever going to remember that, sad I have to look up my own rules. I still plan on making 365 of them and then condensing them down but here’s something else since I didn’t write any poetry yesterday *sigh*. I’m sure I’ve asked this before but what was the first rule, while we’re on the subject of the first fear.

Take for example “World War Z” 2013, I have yet to read the book and on that note, I hate being one of those people admitting I’ve seen the movie but never read the book. My point is in the movie, the man who became the tenth man had to accept fear and prepare to combat it, ignoring it would gain nothing but the end. Fear my dear Lady Lu is all about the wait, it’s sort of the difference between the more traditional slow zombies and the speedy zombies.

“Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” proverb

While I will keep my rule of “I Will Have No Fear” can I not also embrace the wait, am I afraid if I’m prepared, of course not, because when was is afraid, one cannot think and if anything I think a lot, don’t worry but instead think. The Tenth Man was not told to fear the impossible but instead to prepare for it and that my friend is power.

“Even without the events of 40 years ago, I think man would still be a creature that fears the dark. He doesn’t face that fear, he averts his eyes from it and acts as if he doesn’t have any memories of his past. But, 40 years is both a short time and yet, a long time. Man’s fear has withered. And even time itself tries to wither the desire to know the truth. Is it a crime to try and learn the truth? Is it a sin to search for those things which you fear. My purpose in this world is knowledge and the dissemination of it. And it is I who is to restore the fruits of my labor to the entire world. Fear… It is something vital to us puny creatures. The instant man stops fearing is the instant the species reaches a dead end, only to sink to pitiable lows, only to sit and wait apathetically for extinction. Humans who lose the ability to think become creatures whose existence has no value. Wake up! Don’t be afraid of knowledge! Think, you humans who are split into two worlds, unless you want the gulf between humans to expand into oblivion, you must think! Signed, Schwarzwald.” The Big O

I cannot be the Tin Man, I’m far too late to be the first man, and I suppose it’s not easy to be Superman, if anything I just want to be a man and is that the lesson, if I may surpass the caveman but I not yet ready, so can I will I choose to Be The Tenth Man.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 076 ~How Are You Lost~

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I wonder which is bigger, the world or my own head, if anything at least the world comes with maps and there are plenty of places to run but why the hell am I running anyway. How Are You Lost, the heart knows its direction, breath too, and Will?

Friday, September 15, 2017

Lesson 076 ~How Are You Lost~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, and no sense of direction though everything else knows exactly the way to go, perhaps I should rethink this whole no fear scenario if anything it’s good exercise. You know that when I was back in school, I liked to run, learned to run actually but there was a freedom in it, and somewhere along the way I discovered a fine line between running to something and running away from something and I crossed it.

“We’re not built to kill. We don’t have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD, that didn’t happen because we’re comfortable with killing. We’re not. We can’t be. We feel. We’re connected. You know, I’ve interviewed over 825 people who’ve done terrible things. I’ve only met one evil person. Some of them were born with bad brains. Some of them got sick along the way. The rest were just damaged people. Traumatized themselves like you, but they could heal. Some more, some less, but they can. We all can. I know it. It’s all a circle and everything gets a return.” Eastman – Here’s Not Here, TWD

To think fifteen days ago I figured I knew exactly where I was going and now well… I’m slogging through, I honestly should be doing better than this but at least I’m moving forward and what else is a guy should be doing? At work today I felt that old fear creep up inside of me, you know the one I’ve been running from, some things you just can’t outrun, you just have to take it step by step. On the other hand, I talk about being dominant and a dominant doesn’t move for anybody, no he stands, a submissive must move according to his will and that is power.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Sharon, Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now I don’t fancy myself a philosopher Lady Lu but there I was just standing there at work and you know what I realized, the heart moves forward, you breathe in but you must breathe out, we are not born with eyes in the backs of our heads, and other parts of the anatomy point the way forward. So today’s lesson, how am I lost, I’m thinking about going one way because it’s faster, another way because I want to face my fears but you know what the correct answer is, I should go wherever I please. It’s okay to be lost but it’s not okay to let fear or some proof of courage direct your feet ever, live brave.

“I don’t think that a person should run unless he’s being chased.

Being chased. I like that.” The Faculty (1998)

Not even a submissive does that, a Sub may fear to disappoint her Dom but she moves because she chooses to of her own accord. Have you noticed that I’m getting braver with these references or maybe it’s because I know that nobody is coming by to check, not yet?
What have I learned today, maybe I’m not so much lost as I am adjusting my path, even if that just means choosing a direction and of course forward is good, How Are You Lost?

“The pessimist looks down and loses his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” King Ezekiel, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 075 ~The Chain of Command~

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I ain’t your boss, I’m Braxton’s friend, matter a fact I have plenty of friends, the thing is I’m not the boss, I do things and sometimes people just come with me I suppose. “The Chain of Command”, Braxton has his leash, and you have these words

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Lesson 075 ~The Chain of Command~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear because fear is but a chain meant to keep you in your place and sometimes it doesn’t seem to matter which end of it you find yourself on. Braxton has his leash but most days he fears nothing, the leash is for me to keep control of him because… yes, I am afraid of what he might do or where he might choose to go.

“You know what the chain of command is? It’s the chain I go get and beat you with ’til ya understand who’s in ruttin’ command here.” The Train Job, Firefly

Am I afraid to take command, I wonder how my father does it, no scratch that, fear and I don’t think that anyone should rule by fear though it is an alluring thought we’ll get to it? Today, I found myself in a command situation and I think there is a difference in command and leadership, I have no problem with command but if I must lead, I want to know where the hell I’m going and today I was just lost. Now I don’t mind being lost but for others to be lost with me, hell no man is meant to be a slave, at least not forever but how does one find freedom?

“Lead, follow, or get out of the way.” Thomas Paine

During the day I am but a slave chained, not actual chains mind you but yeah in the mind, I am commanded except for those rare occasions when my experience serves a purpose. Now in the bedroom, of course, those chains become more a reality, not just chains, scarves, ropes, my current submissive’s lingerie, methods of exerting dominance and control but again who is a servant and who is master, true dominants accept the situation as we know it to be. To have such control over another person, for someone to trust you with such power and authority, only the true victory is when you know they will stay regardless without such tools being employed.

The problem with the world today is too many who have power, command, leadership and the like don’t know what to do with it and while confidence is key… that might be it right there Lu, I mean of course confidence sets of free, we’ve talked about this. Anyway, my point is that I want to earn such power, to be worthy of it, and of course to know where I’m going with it honestly.

“Dreaming of windows black tinted like a hearse
When waking up to life sometimes seems worst
And all I ever wanted is to be a better man
And I try to keep it real with my homies land
For me to save the world I don’t understand
How did I become the leader of a billion fans?” from R. Kelly

That’s what I learned today, that it isn’t so much the chain but the key of command, that I’m not afraid, you’ll leave, that I’m not tempted to give you the key, and that you don’t go looking for it because at the end of the day I am still holding The Chain of Command.

The only thing in this world that gives orders… is balls.” Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 073 ~Bursting At The Seams~

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Things I’m not into, talking in my sleep or self- harm and yet a word came out and how does one go about cutting the back of their own neck. “Bursting At The Seams”, it’s tearing me apart Luna or something like that I suspect, any thoughts?

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Lesson 073 ~Bursting At The Seams~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I don’t normally talk in my sleep but I swear right on cue as the alarms began buzzing the word “burst” was on my lips and I can’t fathom why? Is this going to be one of those nonsensical posts which just makes no sense and is better left screamed into a pillow, now where is the fun in that?

Speaking of which, when was the last time that I screamed ever, I was on the verge, and this is one of those things that just doesn’t do well in print, is that why I want to be louder, get others to do it for me, maybe I need some godawful tragedy. Am I that much of a heartless bastard, I already told you, I’ve been forgetting things, like having a stake in Hurricane Irma, hell I don’t but I still remember exactly where I was when 9/11 happened, haven’t I been talking about the days of “Sapphire”. Yet another reason I talk to you, because all my crap seems juvenile, compared to the greater troubles of the universe right?

Which gets us back to today’s lesson and how it must have taken a hell of a lot to get that one word out of me in my sleep, something out loud with nothing but Braxton to hear me and between me, you, and him we’re great listeners but not such smooth talkers. How about talking in general because I can’t figure out how I got the cut on the back of my neck, I mean it’s easy to say that Braxton did but I can’t confirm it. I came up with a joke today that either my dog or my bitch did it but that’s exactly the type of humor that gets you fired and I was tempting fate

I was on the cusp though Lady Lu, I could feel it in my bones, I mean how my novel is so bloated, I come up with excuses by the truck load to not talk, not in front of customers, chicken biscuits, and other people have their worries. The mask is starting to slip again, I kept quiet around one manager and another saw, a bit of my face too.

So what have I learned today or rather thought… maybe something inside me is trying to get out, and if I can’t find my voice, damn censorship but something is truly Bursting at The Seams.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 071 ~I Felt the Chill

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People are supposed to care aren’t we, my dog without question, friends here or there but what about in general, people that we don’t want to know, people that we will never know, people that we used to know? I Felt the Chill, the coldness.

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Lesson 071 ~I Felt the Chill

Hey Lady Lu,
No fear, not at night anyway, I rarely have bad dreams, because well life but didn’t I just say yesterday that there are a million things just waiting? Funny how they haven’t flown away with Hurricane Irma and that sent a chill up my spine, not about the storm but that I forgot something big seemingly out of the blue.

“I felt the chill.” – T.J. Krupp, House Arrest (1996)

Now I know I can be a lot to handle my lady or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit, you think, usually, the only words I have for anybody are the following *inhale, exhale* and even that is a bit much or so I’ve gathered. Thinking, you know “M Anime” might have a point about getting enough sleep but of course Lu, it’s not a math course or meteorology to be sure. So as for today’s lesson as much fear… yes that’s a naughty word but as much of it as I felt today, it doesn’t exactly measure up to being, a tad heartless, now that is giving too much credit.

“Do you not see the logic of my plan?

Yes, but it just seems too heartless.” – I, Robot (2004)

Who do I care for in this world, I mean there is Braxton of course, “Indiana Gone” might say I care a lot, I care about my friends to varying degrees but then people talk about Hurricane Irma as if it’s the end of the world but I didn’t have anybody in harm’s way now did I? That was my realization, that somebody I use to know or probably never did could possibly be in danger and I felt… well, a shiver found my spine. On one hand, I don’t care, I mean why should I at all, it shows where my morals lie, but with so many enemies not that they should be an enemy, again too much credit, I should not turn a blind eye to this right?

I’ve seen so many people preaching that these storms are God’s will, one way or another and who knows Luna I myself may be in danger but I worry more about what people would think of me reading this than of any actual hurricane. My point is I don’t know how I feel about being someone who can casually toss feelings aside, even if they were only on the lowest denominator of emotional baggage maybe.

So what have I learned today, well yesterday that someone excommunicated could be in danger and that’s just it, I’m not going to look, it’s the looking that lets you know you’re screwed but that was yesterday, today my dear Luna, I Felt the Chill?

I Will Have No Fear

Consider It A Wind

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There are so many storms in life and I take my shelter upon the page but yet some storms are stronger than others and it helps to remind myself to be grateful for some things. Consider It A Wind, words can be so much stronger than any hurricane.

When it’s not rumor or speculation a blend
of lies, cult fiction, the insane
that happens to be the norm.

Or that chill that leaves you deformed
and shows how your backbone has thinned
but you are not lame.

In fact, you eat and claim
plenty, while the food is warm
as you tell a few or your best friend

You can’t wait till your name ascends
into the spotlight, pages heights, and some librarian to blame
because your book transformed

a woman into literature, from perfect to misinformed
to lost and torn, a dream of sin
only every day is exactly the same

Even if your name is mud, you’re scared or in pain
ashamed, name on a blog, but not on a news crawl, saying the storm,
hurricane, death toll, no I’m back again

“Considering It A Wind”, and it will be a win
Really, when I forget your so vain
your every loving name; for a new obsession, I just printed the forms.

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Yes My Ear

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You never see the monster until there’s time to make the trip to that upper room but then again I’m probably going to Hell as often as I keep my head down. Yes My Ear, someone told me to play it by ear because to see what’s coming

I’m “Alive”!
Black or white, in living color, “Live!”
or so the heart appears
in the eyes, on the touch, in the beat of another
Always undercover
Ashamed, it remains unclear

if I am running or hiding
Do I have what it takes to keep surviving
Yes, my feet persevere
Only I can’t look down, I won’t look back
Because I don’t know if I could handle that
Whenever people come near

Am I a sheep
a lion, who’s roar I must keep
like any secret near and dear
Better to be a live chicken than a dead duck
Wanting to scream… what today I’m out of luck
as the fear

makes me into a Mime
I look at my watch thinking it’s time
To have a voice, like Shaka Zulu and his spear
So I have but a pen
with but to write every virtue and every sin
words that won’t disappear

Though if I were to write the future
there would be fewer
bombs, “Hurricanes”, Kamikazes here
And of Rocket 69?
Well I’m not blind
Suppose I should cheer

the fact I have not seen Elysium
entered Heaven at a premium
Oh to be like Katniss and volunteer
My tribute to courage, to live brave and best
Just say yes
Play it by ear

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

 

Lesson 067 ~Take the Cake Please~

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It feels like I have already had a whole cake to myself, cheesecake maybe, but I’m going to be full of so many things tomorrow but I must stand strong, or rather lie in my bed, but this will be no walk in the park. Take the Cake Please

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Lesson 067 ~Take the Cake Please~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, tomorrow will be a piece a cake, I keep telling myself that, a piece of cake, I wonder what great man upon facing the day that would define them figured that it would be a piece of cake. Sometimes I feel as though I have faced that day, others I truly hope not, and then I wonder why such a day exist, I feel you know what I’m talking about.

“Selling a gun for the first time is a lot like having sex for the first time. You’re excited but you don’t really know what the hell you’re doing. And some way, one way or another, it’s over too fast.” Yuri Orlov, Lord of War

Why sell guns my beautiful Lu (you see I gave you your form back) world’s gonna end one way or another, too bad it won’t be tomorrow but anyway, first I sell something worse than guns and second why must such and such a day be the day that defines me? When I was thinking about what I would want my name on, the cake did not come up, marquee, bestseller list, hell I might even prefer a headstone, no actually burn me and scatter me somewhere, haven’t thought of it yet. Haven’t thought of a lot actually considering everything I need to get done, everything that is coming up, not a piece of cake.

“Stay here.

Yeah right! Eat me, said the cake to Alice!” Stephen King’s Desperation (2006)

How about as easy as pie… can’t say I have a thing for pie either, I did like pumpkin pie once upon a time, and blueberry pie sounds yummy but I can’t say I have much of an appetite; this morning’s breakfast is like a stone. My mom never told me there’d be days like this, but she’s no prophet of course but if she had been I imagine I wouldn’t be in this mess at the moment, then again God fearing woman that she is… There is also the fact that when I know something like this is coming, I feel physically ill anyway, but already asked “Gospel Girl” about pizza, who says no to pizza right, but again who says no to cake and ice cream as well.

There are just too many things I can say about cake, for example, I always pictured myself as one of those men who just want to watch the world burn, and not be surrounded by a bunch of people singing, not that I’m worried about that happening, these days right. So what have we learned, well I think cupcakes are delicious and I wish I could remember what buttercream actually was but these days Luna, seriously Take the Cake Please?

“Piece of cake! Piece of cake!

Piece of cake!” – the movie Battlefield Earth (2000)

I Will Have No Fear

Bravely Lit

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It’s getting around that time and I’m sure I have my picture, my name, hell probably a police file, I can pretty much guarantee my name is in lights and will be but not in any flattering away and I am always chasing the light aren’t I. “Bravely Lit”.

Don’t sing, don’t wish, don’t say
because I have, on all the stars
but they still seem so far
and the cake is melting.
Were you trying to compete with the sun
I’m on the run

fam with every reason to stay
and that’s why I get high.
Those neon lights are in my sight,
only I want “Easy Street”
where I spread my love and fly
to know that I’m alive

I’ll make some days, always
From “how does that look daddy”
I’ll sing let’s see
while the police fingerprint me
I won’t lie about this
No not to my kids

when under fluorescent lights I’ll lay
with doctor’s asking what’s my age again.
The lights from where I been
don’t follow me six feet
So today, teach me to be brave
blow out the candles, a few more to the grave

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Lesson 065 ~Give Up, Get Off~

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Well, why do men do most things, take a chest full of gold, world domination, for me you could put Jennifer Lawrence at the finish line… though I would take all three honestly. Give Up, Get Off, I’ve done one and I am trying not to do the other

Monday, September 4, 2017

Lesson 065 ~Give Up, Get Off~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear… no shame, no pride, no real movement but there is a belief, there is faith, suppose I see why the Christians do it, though it’s a lot easier when you’re not threatened. Don’t worry, I’m not about to go on some political tirade or talk about such and such from Columbine, today’s lesson is about giving up, and getting off.

“Sometimes, when you win, you lose.
Sometimes when you lose, you win.” – Annie Nielsen, What Dreams May Come (1998)

Biology maybe, not just these lustful urges but how I have given up so many things in my life and I’m sure I could come up with a million at excuses, and while I may be somewhat of a pop culture whore, YOLO. You only live once isn’t that what they all say and even if I do something those million times out of pleasure (don’t flatter myself right) what is so wrong with feeling good for a while? Especially when it helps with the thinking process, so maybe tomorrow my world will be looking a lot better or so I am trying, and I should be grateful, I am.

“First you have to give up, first you have to *know*… not fear… *know*… that someday you’re gonna die.” – Tyler Durden, Fight Club (1999)

The choices that people have to make every day and for the most part I dealing with only first world problems and the devil’s luck. You know how I have been trying to talk more my lady but what if I had yesterday; what was I supposed to say to the cashier “excuse me but you gave me too much money” I made nearly a hundred bucks for keeping my mouth shut, perhaps that was karma for helping out a friend. I’m no millionaire like Joel Osteen but I actually felt pretty bad when I wouldn’t even donate a dollar to the Hurricane Harvey Relief, probably shouldn’t have said that.

If anything that brings up another interesting point, not a day goes by when I’m not flooded with petitions, causes I believe in, authors asking for my opinion after reading some of my reviews, the list goes on. Have I ever said I wanted to save the world, I know I probably have said I’m more the villain but does it make you the villain to know you can’t save everyone, maybe just don’t look?

“It’s the worst. It ain’t fair, but you can’t kill yourself. Sometimes you’ve just got to let go and let God take care of it. You’ve got to accept it.” – Lester, John Q (2002)

 

What have we learned today, I might get off but I haven’t given up, I’m grateful to be me and not them strangely enough and before you label me a complete louse I put up my money to save three and I think that should be enough for now I think; Give Up, Get Off.

“I came here to save my wife and my two children and… seven billion lives… it’s too much. I just hope I’m, I’m smart enough and brave enough to save three.” Serge Leveque, The Core

I Will Have No Fear