Tag: Fear

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

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Last week I was worried about Heaven hearing me when misunderstood by a man across the desk and a woman I wouldn’t have minded… shh, you can’t say such things or even the innocent pretty words, don’t even think them “#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.”

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but I should be, I think a lot of men are, and I know we have talked about my mouth on more than one occasion that when it comes to women… at this rate, I have nothing to worry about honestly. If anything I still remember the 5th Amendment, but lately, I have been holding onto the first one as tightly as a Republican with his gun after any recent shooting.

A man with a voice is a dangerous thing these days though it’s more about the physical aspect but it’s these words Dirty Diana, these damn words, and the words are now, the right to remain silent… those would be the Miranda rights? The right to free speech though, I’ve never whistled at some woman, never catcalled, never called some girl a dirty name outside the bedroom or should I just say sexual activity. Funny I thought something like this would scare me the most, well it has but what were the real consequences of any such thing other than looking like a pervert, a Harvey Weinstein or even worse.

You know what word nearly ended me; life, how about a job’s a job, another day, a sigh, a moan, a grunt, and I’m supposed to be worried about calling a woman a slut, a ho, how about whore or bitch? No Dirty Diana they are saying a backlash is coming, you know I can be nice, but a guy can be taken down by an accusation, an acknowledgment of beauty, a look, a movement, my god nothing is safe. Think The Screwfly Solution with the Daughters of Eve rather than the Sons of Adam. I know this isn’t sounding so sexy but these days, silence, isolation, talk about spreading your legs, what about opening your mind, or breaking your heart, hiding everything about ourselves because we’re afraid for men to be men and women to be women and everything.

I respect the #MeToo movement but where does it end, you wonder why I’m so scared to talk to women outside because I’m horrified to talk to anybody and damn my social anxiety, it’s against the law to be me, and I’m made to be something they see which is illegal. Every single word and you could be one of them, #MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

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Lie to me, you’re going to have to, I’ll hate us both, but this is the least I can do because you don’t know me, so you’ll make something up. And like the genie I am, I will make your wish come true and become what you want me to be. The Way You Lie.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, and that is probably the biggest lie I’ve told, no fear, how I have repeated it nearly two hundred and twenty-one times, a hope, a prayer, a lie, a big fucking lie.

When I was a child I became an atheist, a choice and yes this is a “sin” for another time, but because of my cowardice, I would tell people life was terrible, that life sucks, instead of acknowledging how I felt about the church. Sometime later my father confronted me, threatened me and asked what was I going to tell people, how did I feel, and I said “unwell,” and after another threat, I lied. Inspector Echo *sigh* I lied and not to those people, not to my father but to myself and that was the killing stroke, ask me why I hate God, and I could give you a million reasons but the fact that I can’t be me, why should I fear Hell?

“That’s what hell is. Forgetting what you were.” Malleus Maleficarum

Before you ask, I am well aware what an atheist is, not a hatred of God but a complete denial and maybe it’s this whole made in his image that has me asking today why do I hate myself, hell I got to keep my job, didn’t I? Questions upon questions, why did I get to keep my job, and I answer because I became that little boy again, I agreed to lie about who I am, how I feel, and everything because I hate these damn people, and why? Tell me why I choose to hate, because they allow themselves to wipe my existence off the earth and I let them because I hate myself infinitely more every day.

It’s probably the only reason I’m still alive, why I don’t fear to go to Hell… I know it, the fire, you see flames have names, guilt, lust, rage, but lying, that has to be the biggest one for me, I cannot stand a liar. If you knew everything I was lying about, more like omitting but Inspector Echo every day I lie here and show every secret I dare. I even told my manager and district manager, I’ll pretend of course if I get paid, I’ll lie to save my ass, I’ll use lies as weapons, but the truth is so much worse. You learn deceit as quickly as you embrace hate and that is my sin Inspector Echo, I made their lies real.

So forgive me Inspector Echo for accepting those lies, for making my life a lie, for covering their fear and hatred as something I deserve because if you knew me at all you know, I deserve Hell like so many others, and I’ve found it, it’s The Way You Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

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I wasn’t ready for their hatred, and or to hate myself, what human being is, we learn to hate, and not to love anymore, but what about winning, tell that to the teams in the Super Bowl, I’m ready to watch… the commercials. “Ready For A War,” no.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

“Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist.” ― Bill Pullman, Independence Day (1996)

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, remember, remember the fifth of November, or how about August 6th, what about The HARM of a Cookie, even the time somebody strapped a pair of panties to my jeans in high school? My point today is that nobody is ready; today is the Super Bowl and while I despise football… maybe that’s harsh; I hate my boss I dislike football anyway no one is ready for a fight until you’re already in one, sad to say honestly.

“We’re not built to kill. We don’t have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD, that didn’t happen because we’re comfortable with killing. We’re not. We can’t be. We feel. We’re connected.” ― The Walking Dead 6×04

Am I trying to talk you out of tomorrow, my friend I am afraid that is out of my hands, you are at war with your soul I know but one man’s destruction is better than unleashing Hell, but somebody smashed your gates, that asshole did and now? Who prepares for this even if they do, nobody ever is but you’re a just not like them, and because you can’t be, no you won’t be, you find yourself here; it doesn’t mean you can’t be better, I always wish that. Speaking of which before I get too carried away what about those six impossible things how did that go for me with this last week?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 32 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, I’m starting again Day 7 (Haley Pullos as Belle Knox)
2. I Will Keep Working The Day Job Despite Everything
Completed barely worked at all
3. I Will Not Spend A Full Day In Bed (Not More Than 8 Hours In 24)
Completed, but already failed 2/4/2018
4. I Will Forget About Last Week
Failed, you kidding me, right?
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
Completed, my dog and Indiana Gone was here, that’s enough?
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel
Completed, isolated one chapter

Though I failed at a couple this shows that I do have what it takes to win at least to some degree but what about tomorrow, the day after, this whole month, look at it this way you just have to carry this week. How long does it take to win a war though because surely you haven’t hated yourself forever and that’s the problem with these things you rarely remember why you’re fighting, but you soldier on because there is no other way? Trust me I’ve tried, words fail, silence fails, what about competition, it worked for the Greeks, and now cities are set to flames, I want peace.

This week though I doubt you will see that, shouldn’t that make the list of six impossible things, don’t hold your breath, literally because this week will be a fight but besides that what else:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

Honestly, wish you had an Annie Cresta to your Finnick Odair, is it ideal to fight when you do it for the ones you love I wonder; I love my dog like pancakes but this war my friend, in the end, it’s only you. As Haymitch told Katniss, I leave you with this “Stay Alive” but why don’t I ask you to win because you have to want to but nobody ever is you know, nobody’s Ready For A War.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

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A whole week off and all I could do was think about is my history with a job and my future, how do you know where you’re going, when you don’t know where you’ve been and why couldn’t I just enjoy being. “Making Some Black History,” I should have

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I’m black and no I’m not talking my race, but at this moment I have a job, I have my words, and my bank account isn’t empty. The thing is with all that; I am looking more forward to the ides of March. Most days I want to survive the night now I must endure the month but what about tonight?

First night back at work in I don’t know how long and this will merely be a prelim to the rest of the month I have to get through, and we’ve been done this road before. As much as I want to believe that everything is going to be okay isn’t it ironic that words got me in trouble with a young woman and silence got me in a predicament with that bastard who’s my boss? Makes a person not want to exist but now I’m not going down the suicidal road again, that’s perhaps why I’m so screwed up sadly like everything else I do it’s always for other people but not myself ever.

“A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas

Why should I make their job easier I ask you by maintaining the status quo, my dear Lady Lu am I becoming political and did I mention that I’m fighting another black man and for once not the man in the mirror? I asked Lady Sophia the other day when will I start doing for me and not for others, even now another author wants a review, and he along with one more wants me to be part of their review teams, and I told them no. At the same time though I want to remain a slave, hell I fight for the chains and wear them as hastily as my name badge and lanyard because as much as I speak to the contrary, I am afraid all the time.

You know I learned something today, history is not written by the victors or by the survivors, history is yours the moment you are no longer afraid, and if I were to begin to write that history you know what word I would start with honestly? “No,” and maybe that’s disappointing but what has yes gotten me and I’m sure I’ve said the exact opposite of saying yes to everything but until people understand no they can’t appreciate yes. No, I will not die today, no I will stay in the black, and “KNOW” I will Make Some Black History.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

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At least Walkers or the standard zombies are asking for it, but as for me, I just want to get through my day the best way I know how but apparently that’s not normal and if I’m not one of them? “Not One Of Us,” I just can’t run away though.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

Born in grief
Raised in hate
Helpless to defy his fate
Let him run
Let him live
But do not forget what we cannot forgive

And he is not one of us ― (Not One Of Us) from The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride (1998)

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, as a matter of fact, I’m not a lot of things. I’m not some victim of abuse, depending on how you define it, I am not a human being, again what classifies as human, and I am not going to live forever, have I at all? Speaking of my sins what am I, a coward, a hypocrite, unemployed, not yet anyway I haven’t sent in my account of things at work still.

If I haven’t said it before, how dare I, you know I’ve had my misgivings about the “#metoo” movement mainly because I’m ashamed of my actions towards women, and worse I compare my predicament with my boss to such maddening suffering. My entire life it’s, I’m not black enough, loud enough, and just not like them, so I continuously shift between being a monster and then not worth having a life at all honestly. Don’t worry Inspector Echo I’ll be alive for some time yet but as the song goes:

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had (Mad World)

So what is stopping me from telling someone other than you and maybe Indiana Gone; I can’t say that my goals were genuinely noble when I wanted to report my boss, and there is a fine line between justice and wrath but what happens if I don’t tell? I won’t lie, and if I don’t I’ll get fired but don’t I pretend all the time, at church if I weren’t a Christian my “father” would beat my ass and at work… no job, no life. I have to keep my job at all cost, but instead of spreading my legs or ass cheeks as the case may be, I’ll have to open my mind, to break my heart, to open my mouth to lie on myself, to open my eyes and watch that bastard laugh.

Again my oldest sin, this rage that I feel and at the same time, in an exact moment of “Doublethink” I will kowtow, I will worry, I will know fear because when has anything I’ve ever written helped me? The idea of being an ordinary human, at least in America, I’m a slave to my phone, I keep up the status quo, I lie like anyone else because while the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil, it means I’m not dead yet.

So can you forgive me, may I have absolution, monsters don’t deserve it, and the problem with people is they always are sorry, and I am tired of being sad just being me and as they all seem to think now Not One Of Us?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~

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Well, which one shouldn’t I say Fear is always a no-no but what about fair, no not me, or friends, be my guest; forget failure or epic fails. Still, I might be fired soon, *gulp*. Here’s To The F-Words and the one that seems to be avoiding me always.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but a lie has always tasted better than the truth, but I wouldn’t feed it to you, not purposely or deliberately but then you would go hungry wouldn’t you? Hunger, back to the wall, surrounded, it’s enough to make one scream the F-Word, yes I’m back to censoring myself but what exactly am I leaving you with after the week that I’ve had, you know it’s not fair.

Fair, life is not fair, isn’t that what they say and that’s the truth, but we’ll get to that, but even Billie Jean roared “Fair Is Fair” and what happened to her? Fired though that was only in effigy, whatever would become of you if you got canned this week and for what, because you refuse to make friends or have fun. Friends and fun are words that you would never use to describe work, and there is one excellent F-Word for the guy that runs the place but wouldn’t that just make you a failure, like me, with everything that happened and didn’t last week, those goals of ours.

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 25 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed Day 32
2. I Will Go Outside, Not Work Or Just Walmart, But Starbucks, Bookstore, Library
Failed
3. I Will Not Censor Myself
Failed
4. I Will Smart Off To Somebody At Work
Completed (HR)
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
Failed (Depression)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel
Failed

Fail, no an Epic Fail as the kids say these days and what can I say about number four, after everything that happens during the workday to me and the moment I choose to stand I leave you on the brink of war, I’m sorry. Fear is not something I want for you but it is here, and it will be waiting later on this week so is that another goal, indeed that is the all-consuming goal for your life or the life you want to have. Forget everything that has happened to me this week, but that will be next to impossible I know but do, that’s what we strive to do now name those six impossible things Will:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 32 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Keep Working The Day Job Despite Everything
3. I Will Not Spend A Full Day In Bed (Not More Than 8 Hours In 24)
4. I Will Forget About Last Week
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel

What more can I ask of you, that you will have a future because I already said I want you to forget about me and does that make me a hypocrite wanting you to erase the past but without it, without me, you don’t have a future? Future you’ll have one, but this shouldn’t just be about what I want you to do for me but something for you, I can’t say what makes you happy because you’re still trying to discover such a thing.

So go and look and if not for then for the dog, he needs more treats anyway and who knows you might make it through this week without a certain F-Word but, to be honest Will, Here’s To The F-Words.

“Promise me you’ll find it.”

“Find what?”

“The life of a Victor.” Mockingjay Part 2

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

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I had a dream a week ago, and now that vision threatens to end the others, but things change; Thursday I had two siblings, and today it’s official I have three, a younger half-brother. “You’ll Fill Them Someday,” holes in my wallet and life

Saturday, January 27, 2018

Lesson 210 ~You’ll Fill Them Someday~

“In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.” ― Kevin Costner, The Postman (1997)

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because it seems to me that I have spent my life in a graveyard; my dreams have foreseen this, but I am still not a prophet but a gravedigger instead. These days I am filled with so much, I don’t know what and usually this would be the part of the story where I stop eating and just lay down and die, and yet I continue, and that begs the question what’s with the hole or holes?

I’ll fill them someday, with so many tears but what am I crying for, well not yet anyway I’m too tired to bawl, tired of being lied to, of being attacked, how about scared as much as I try to deny it, or just being tired. My father cheating on my mom, having another brother or sister, I could be valuable, and hours later the general manager is calling me “cancerous,” hating and needing my job at the same time, and spending days in bed. You know what pushed me out of bed today, it is rage pure and simple, for all that I wish that love could do, it’s hate that got me moving, and that’s sad I know.

Later on today I’m going to try and bury it down but hate is like a horde of zombies, they just won’t stop, and you learn to endure. My hate won’t disappear; how many words does it take to bury it, them, me, I write, I’ll fill another blank page with words and what will it accomplish; dare I dismiss the value of words? How I know their power and what I write today will be a form of necromancy, but again I give myself too much credit, dreams told me I would have troubles at work, and now I’m digging the hole even lower, and maybe that’s it, I’m alive in the grave maybe.

“That’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then, we get to live. But no matter what we find in DC, I know we’ll be okay. Because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves… that we are the walking dead.” Rick Grimes

A hole has one purpose Lady Luna, and that’s to know fullness, mouths with words, eyes with beauty, blank pages with the truth; I’m telling the truth today, and nobody will hear it, god this will make more holes than fill them up. How many times have I buried myself, I can see Heaven and yet I have not had my feet on solid ground in I don’t know how long. But I keep digging, standing on all my corpses, hoping one day that this holes I’ve created, I tell myself, You’ll Fill Them Someday.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 207 ~How To Cure Cancer~

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It’s not a secret, but apparently, it is a sin, I’m sure many people out there like or even love their jobs, and as for the rest of us, that’s what a man does, sometimes it means working, sometimes it means lies. How To Cure Cancer, do we, DO WE

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Lesson 207 ~How To Cure Cancer~

“He’s poison for the morale of the unit, and a disaster to the success of this mission.”
― Hot Shots

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I saw this coming and I find it funny that I’ve said that if I were to die and come back, I’d like to be a plague so maybe this isn’t my first time at the rodeo. Not my first time being yelled at, being worried about my job amongst other things, my first time staring into the abyss but “you’re cancerous to this team, points for creativity; where to start?

“May my mercy prevail over my wrath” The Walking Dead

I have allowed hatred and wrath to infect me once again; people talk about forgiveness being a cure but time works too and how much of that do I have left? It only took two hours, so I was at the day job, and the general manager was praising the team for a job well done and in appreciation offered to ask the group to lunch. Two hours later as I’m working, he comes over and as is “Cracker Barrel okay” to which I respond “it doesn’t matter, I’m not going,” no means no, right?

So he gives me this look and says “why not, you have something to do” and following one of the weekly goals I say “I’ll find something” talk about being a man for once in my life and people don’t like that not one bit. He went off on me, and I let him, my spine breaking… or maybe not, I still walked out and didn’t go, I have informed HR, and now several people know that a war is coming, talk about “It’s The Good Heat.” So am I apologizing for actually speaking up for myself, my lack of courage at that particular moment or to you for exorcising my demons confessing like this?

The stress is killing me, or so I hope which is yet another one of my sins and my embarrassment, sometimes dare I suggest it men are the weaker of the species, I’m hurting, and I made a mistake of going to WebMD. Appendicitis, hell any real medical emergency and game over for me but other than my usual sleeping and vomiting words I’m okay.

Perhaps this is the sin I must apologize for the most, thinking that this life is okay but how will I know absolution, that’s not something you can give me and not something I will ask for from the man I despise. One more sin before I go, I told Indiana Gone I think I know in the smallest way how some victims of sexual violence feel. The fear of telling, thinking as though you have no choice, just instead of spreading my legs/butt cheeks, this guy wanted me to let him into my mind and that I will not do.

So I’m sorry but I will not die today and though there are many theories to my question, Inspector Echo I’m sorry but I’m Radioactive, and I’m sorry that this virus of fear and hate needs an answer before wondering How To Cure Cancer.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 205 ~I Am A Man Remember~

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Go ahead and tell everybody, I don’t know, but for once I’m not focused on the who but more on the what and usually that’s not anything I care to repeat but being a man these days. “I Am A Man Remember,” or I’ll see in the shower.

Monday, January 22, 2018

Lesson 205 ~I Am A Man Remember~

Sixteenth Rule Madam Justice,

“What makes a monster and what makes a man?” ― Clopin, The Bells of Notre Dame (Reprise), from Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

I Am Not Afraid Anymore to say to any further extent that I honestly don’t know, that’s why you’ll see variations of this rule throughout because I am trying to figure it out. Now let me say this, in a moment I will be a hypocrite, I don’t believe neither God nor woman can teach one how to be a man, it’s just not possible.

“Don’t do that. Don’t make the mistake of calling what’s inside me worry. Good men worry. Men like me take care of the problem.” ― Kit Rocha, Beyond Temptation #3.5

See I told you, that’s from a woman, and I have read more erotic literature than most and I ask myself is this what women want, but that’s sort of like being in rehab if you do it for someone else it doesn’t take. Now what about God, Jesus was made flesh correct and yet by today’s standards, traveled with twelve guys, didn’t drink, and of course, he never knew women, and somehow he was the greatest thing ever. As for myself well; I admire 60% of the men I read about, I don’t drink, I hang with a couple of girls, and I have been called some of the most horrible things but what is worse than being a man, being a woman… low.

“A woman is strength.
Not just the giver of life
and all that, but more.
Men don’t even know who they are
until they find the right woman.
Or, for that matter,
if they even want a woman.
But whatever he chooses,
it starts with us.” ― The Brothers (2001)

If a woman is a woman when she gains the ability to give life, is it the same for a man, I do have illusions of being a father one day, and I am to the four-legged ball of instant love. I can go on forever and a day about what I think a man is, but there is too much emphasis on what a man is supposed to be and speaking of my dog, I have said I want to be the man my dog thinks I am. Why not apply, if I had a daughter and she dated maybe a guy like me would I be pleased… ask Indiana Gone, I cook, I clean, I don’t lie, I don’t screw other women, how I want to but she’s not mine, so there’s that.

“Only a fool refuses a woman who offers herself.” ― Miroku’s Past Mistake, Inuyasha, 161

Here’s the question, do I want to be a man pleasing to God, women, my dog, my parents whoever; I have a job, a car, I protect what’s mine, I don’t do drugs, I want to write. I love most animals; I kill spiders, roaches, other creepy crawlers, I read, etc. None of that matters though to any and all, I might even have biology on my side, and just like any math class I just copy the problem over an over *sigh* I might not be great, worthy, right, or just, so be afraid, I Am A Man Remember.

“Mercy is the mark of a great man.

Guess I’m just a good man.

Well, I’m all right.” Shindig, Firefly

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

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Without a doubt fear is the ultimate cold and have I always been this frozen in place, paralyzed, hard, wanting nothing more than soft, warm blankets, my cuddly dog, and a cup of hot cocoa when I’m not too lazy to get up. It’s The Good Heat

Sunday, January 21, 2018

Lesson 204 ~It’s The Good Heat~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, are you ever too lazy for fear, is that what this is or are you too busy trying to keep it in your pants; by the way, good job with that, definitely going on the list. Here’s the question though, what happened to your anger, your passion, and the weather is getting warmer, so you honestly have no excuse for being wrapped up indoors the way you have; yet another thing for the list of six impossible things.

Indeed Hell is not an impossible thing, and maybe I’m too blame with the forced censorship of she who will not be named, is that to blame also for this depression, that you are getting out of this week. Yeah, you’ll have quite an itinerary this week, and I’m sure you’ll be mad enough and man enough because you’re going back to the day job as well. What was that I just mentioned about Hell, that’s just it isn’t it, you can’t stand being cold and I don’t just mean physically but spiritually as well.

You have a heart in there someplace, I know it but what have we been using as fuel nowadays other than your own words and why are looking to hate more, feel lust, not that those are bad things considering where you are. Who was it that said, any place you never leave becomes a prison, and since you don’t feel the house is a home, home is where the heart is, and that’s always with the dog, but he might be a cellmate with your work and depression which isn’t a good thing. My point is you have to find other ways to stay warm without being wrapped up in the covers, hating some stupid bitch and the rest of the world, and porn binging.

Now while finding the Esther to your Benji might be too far I’m thinking that you honestly should start believing six impossible things before breakfast and so those six goals will be the following list:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 25 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Go Outside, Not Work Or Walmart, But Starbucks, Bookstore, Library
3. I Will Not Censor Myself
4. I Will Smart Off To Somebody At Work
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Actual Pretty Girls
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel

This list seems quite attainable doesn’t it and as I said this must become a thing if life is ever going to get better, take for example you won’t be crawling back under the covers today. Make the bed, eat something, take a shower, and you have four hours of work at the dining room table before you start reading.

Will it’s always time to do the right thing; okay, couldn’t say that with a straight face but as the song goes, get up, get out, and get something started; living, It’s The Good Heat.

I Will Have No Fear