Tag: Gospel

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

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A round of applause to the alarm clock, but you want to know what got me up this morning? Nope, and if I told the whole truth, well, I’d be as bad as whoever looked up such and such on my blog, finding nothing. “Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will”

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Gospel 196 ~Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that can be forgiven or buys forgiveness. At the very least makes people forgetful. Of course, I apologize to you, my Dæmon, one day I should add my mother. Hell, sometimes I think about the whole world for being an addict. So what am I addicted to? What would I know about it in the first place? If anything, what am I sorry for today? Oh, let me add one more AHEM; why can’t I forgive myself? I should be thrilled right that I actually got up at 4:00 AM.

How did I spend the first forty minutes? Inspector Echo, it’s like keeping a bottle in the house. The man who tucks a cigarette behind his ear “JIC” (Just In Case). I’m like Pookie in New Jack City. Wanting to do good but putting me in a room with… everything. Inspector, I tell you all the time it’s how I want to spend my life. I want to produce stories, movies, “inspirations” like I’ve been looking up all morning. God, I want businesses that employ the likes of Alice Little and Jill Kassidy. The idea of that starts every morning. Jesus, it’s what I have to think of to keep from falling back asleep. It’s not that I don’t love reading, which I did after those first forty minutes. Now didn’t I say I love money, but that didn’t keep me at the Day Job for two more hours now, did it? I am incorrigible.

Only again, I keep saying it could be worse. Being 19 days in, I’m heading into my angry stage. You stay clean the first week, and it does get easier, but yeah, I’m still lost. So why am I laying all the guilt on now? Bringing up Alice Little, I’m still upset about her case. Now it could be the fact that, as you know, I’ve been cleaning out my phone. Then I found pictures of such and such. I did talk about A Different Alchemy by Chris Dietzel. Jeffery is still lamenting about the passing of his son Galen. Dammit, I could be keeping busy. Reading up on the loss of Alice’s livelihood. I should have headed her way long ago. Instead, I’m sick and twisted with many ideas.

At least it’s not Covid or drugs; still, I’m… remember positivity, Obsessive, Contagious, Addicted, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

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THEY say love is an open door, and I’m an open book. But this afternoon, as I was dreaming my life away, I saw all my sins… well, no, a portion I like to think I’m more “imaginative,” and no woman would put up with that. “Nobody But Will’s Wife”

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

Gospel 195 ~Nobody But Will’s Wife~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be “the bad guy, duh.” But am I a great man, a good one, well I’m alright. You, My Love, damn if I was to scream out to the world, all that you mean to me, I better hire some more songwriters, ok. Everyone! Now I say scream because that’s what woke me up from today’s nap. I’m being a bit dramatic, but at first, I was afraid; I was petrified. Yes, another song, but I can’t shake the dream, and that’s where you come in. I want to be a man, but man’s not meant to be alone, somehow.

Nobody but my dog, my firstborn, my Dæmon, the little Imp puts up with me, sigh. Hell, he has as many “pet names” as you; more so. Anyway, I can tell him everything… well no. Like any of our two-legged kids, I keep things out of his eyesight. Does that make me weird? I’m awful. Nobody but my “dad” would say that. (Cough) bullshit, bullshit (cough) pardon my French. The thing is with him, yes, I keep secrets, but I’m wrong. It’s all on the grounds that I exist. If you wonder why I can be a black man in the USA with Republican leanings, it’s him, so you know Nobody, but my government is that bad, though. The last time I checked, my “father” is Democrat. Now, I’m a pro-choice, pro-gun, pro-sex worker, um, let me see. I’m for free healthcare, LGBTQ supporting, meat-eating, environmentalist. And yes, women’s rights.

Nobody but my mom, for the longest time, saw any goodness and me. However, that’s from a distance. I thought all women were like that, which leads me back to my nightmare. Every single secret, “All These Things That I’ve Done,” dreamed, discovered, dammed me. Nobody but you, Will’s wife, that’s not all you are. You’re the smartest woman I know, and what do I mean by that. Hell, I could go in every single direction. I hope you don’t mind me calling you beautiful, sexy, hot as Hell. I always believed the woman I chose, the woman who must also choose me, would be my muse. Only never involved in my business or before a camera’s lens. It’s not that I’m jealous. I watched my sins: your strength, love, baby girl. I’m not a thing like Jesus, heh, but seeing all I am and staying, Nobody But Will’s Wife.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

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Things I can tell my dog and not myself *AHEM* I love you. That’s why hurting myself is nothing, but it’s all panic mode when something is wrong with him. He’s my heart, but what else is there. Money, friends, women? Love Is The Ultimate Torture

Monday, January 11, 2021

Gospel 194 ~Love Is The Ultimate Torture~

Hundred And Seventhly Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while in Idiocracy, “I like money,” understand “I love money.” Of course, I afforded myself a huge nap this afternoon, and here we are. So either I love my sleep, or I’m not exactly in a lovey-dovey mood. Love hurts, sometimes… There are so many places I can take that. But as always, I’m trying to be a good boy. Speaking of which, that’s the only time I mention love these days when talking to my Dæmon. I didn’t listen to my motivations today, but my son is always my WHY.

“You Always Hurt The One You Love.” That tune is pretty dated. Now, to be honest, it’s one of the reasons I avoided Daily Wellness and motivations. Spotify is bonkers with that old school stuff blasting repeatedly. I’m supposed to speak about my firstborn, trying. Funny, this morning, I was reading again about Jeffery and his boy Galen. How he’s failing as a father, but he loves his kid and failed him. Galen never reacts being a “Block” and all but my son… I look at his furry face and the idea, this hurts me more than it hurts you…

It’s bullshit Madam Justice. I know he’s pained, playing pretend, praying. Better than most women. Okay, this is where the rubber meets blacktop SIGH. Once again, I have to stay on the up and up. I’m not in love with any particular girl at the moment. I’d be worse. The things I say when I’m attracted have nothing on what’s in my heart. Only the words “I Love You” wreck any of my wit. Better to remain silent. It’s again a reason we talk like this, Madam Justice. But my Pinterest boards are starting to regain my usually troubling flair.

My heart, though, remains in a cage. I can tell you truthfully that no, I don’t love myself. Yet, I love freedom. That’s why I keep my secrets, unlike the Trumptards going to jail. Money is still fantastic, so I haven’t been “helping out” Alice Little. Lost her court battle. Addiction pains me every day. Only I’m not spending anything on a fix, yet… Jul3DArt, Love Wolf, QOC, Ero3dLight. I wouldn’t advise looking those up. I want to love the man I’ll be, the woman I’ll have, and the Dæmons siblings. To love me now… Love Is The Ultimate Torture.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

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One of the MANY motivations I listen to said that lists are a graveyard. Considering my impossible things, my resolutions, or a playlist of Whitney Houston, sure. If only I could make one of the good things about myself but no. List It Up, Will.

Sunday, January 10, 2021

Gospel 193 ~List It Up, Will~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you just want to be a better man. It’s like asking one of those pageant girls, would you rather be pretty or smart. Hell, you’d be a billionaire and a “Bad Man” than a “Poor” one and a great man, good, well you’re alright. Not really.

It’s not like you’ve ever been served divorce papers. Other than a few days stint in Juvie, you’ve never been convicted of anything. There’s been a parking ticket here or there. Do you remember the first? It made you go suicidal. With your father… understandable. We often talk about how you’re fucking up (pardon my French). Yep once a week. Still, it sucks to hear it from other people you know. Last night reading over the Dæmon’s vet care. I felt like such a horrible parent. It didn’t stop you from sleeping late, hmm. Understand that I don’t mean to be so down on you, so early, 6:45 AM. Are you ever again going to live by “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life?” You did and then went back to sleep for 20 minutes more. Fought Addiction, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 010 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 016) No Fap
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
    Failed
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
    Failed
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
    Failed
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
    Failed
  6. I AM Finishing Reading The Island by Gary Paulsen
    Completed

I am proud of you. Already there’s a list of “stuff and thangs” you want to say. It’s like your DRUG. You don’t feel right without them, but as the song goes, “to keep me awake and alive.” Before you forget, playlist 4:00 AM, Air Tonight (Protomen), and Peter Gabriel. If it ain’t music or Netflix, it’s novels. One more reason you’re down today. At least Eric Vall kept me excited with his books, but we can’t talk about them. Now it’s “A Different Alchemy” Jeffery and his son Galen. One more thing to show your dad like failures, yep.
Only I don’t want to do that, and neither do you. Not sure if this will become the norm, but as another song goes, here comes success. You don’t even have a title. But there are some things you have done well. They should matter, New Year’s Resolutions, it’s 11.

  1. I Have Purged Pictures From My Phone (6000 to 800)
  2. I Have Taken My Son To His Vet Appointment (Okay)
  3. I Have Only Spent $100 Off My Stimulus Check Now
  4. I Have Ordered New Masks And Filters, Looking After Myself
  5. I Have Become More Organized In Certain Areas Of Life
  6. I Have Acknowledged Good

Old habits Die Hard. You’re not sure how positive I have been at the start of this New Year. I AM Speaking Positivity Into My Life is the eleventh resolution. You want to believe you’ll do better. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I AM Keeping It In My Pants (Day 016 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I AM Always The “Father” My Dæmon Deserves
  3. I AM Sending Gulp Off To Be Published SIGH
  4. I AM Writing “Look A Thing Like Santa”
  5. I AM Writing A Brand New TWD Guild Intro
  6. I AM Finishing Reading A Different Alchemy, Chris Dietzel

I hope you’ll “listen up,” but List It Up, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 192 ~Will Seconds That Emotion~

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My firstborn is good, or at least the vet didn’t say anything and handed me more of his meds. My second Saturday of the new year starts off like the others, nuclear pop and me being lazy. Will Seconds That Emotion, but I’m usually DEAD last

Saturday, January 9, 2021

Gospel 192 ~Will Seconds That Emotion~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I bet that still wouldn’t be enough. No, I wouldn’t convince Spotify about how much I like or, let’s say, am annoyed at Old School Soul. Considering I looked up Smokey Robinson right now, I’m not helping my case. As if I would do anything to help myself? Didn’t I say when it comes to caring about me, “I rather stay home in bed?” The Day Job, the Dæmon, or the “daddy” (take that however you like). I’m always wide awake and raring to go. I always come second, Lu.

Now “a second” isn’t always a bad thing. Only people think I’m STUPID, SLOW, or I SUCK because I need a few dozen. That is when it comes to me. Hell, I want to go all Rod Stewart and scream, “Do Ya Think I’m (you know). I’m a discombobulated Elliot Moore. My second, of course, isn’t a wifey like Alma Moore. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve now turned to 2008’s “The Happening.” Anyway, my second is my Dæmon. As he lies here nestled against my legs, I wonder how he puts up with me at all. SIGH, senior years. Seconds tick by, and what am I doing with them besides sitting here. Again I was up so early yesterday to make sure the Imp got to the vet. Doesn’t matter how long I sleep. It’s as if I never rest. I rather become Tony Stark than Elliot Moore. Um yeah, he had Pepper Potts.

Trump’s seconds haven’t been “decent” people until recently. Pence, I mean damn, and I’m trying so hard only to say her name… Stormy Daniels. In their own times, they might have staved off the apocalypse. How did I become the leader of a billion fans/men? In my continuing efforts to not put black women second. Or not listen to another rich white guy. I can say I feel a bit like Iris Bennet. Ok, maybe I have a type, and yes, you should invest in Pop Culture quips. Again um, I put everyone first, and I ain’t even second here. I’m last when it comes to the artist’s work I want to buy this morning, for what purpose hmm. Last, as I see the stores empty out. Why is that?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_81dBIElu_g

Wish I could say I was Dauntless or Abnegation. I’m Factionless. Will Seconds That Emotion

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~

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If only my own thoughts were as thorough as my book reviews. Oh wait, what time did I get up this morning? Yeah, my Dæmon has a vet appointment. Plus, I’ve been reading and watching my country go to Hell. The Island Will What

Friday, January 8, 2021

Gospel 191 ~The Island Will What…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and once again, I’m going to buy the best bed ever. Yep seeing as how I work from it all the time, and Hell, I know I shouldn’t. My island… speaking of which I owe a book review, so I’ll try.

THEY say no man is an island. From many a story of any man or an island, it rarely works out well. And whatever you do, don’t put said man and a pretty girl on said island. You won’t find a love story in Gary Paulsen’s work of The Island. Okay, maybe a tiny one. Yep between Our protagonist Wil, and Susan but that’s left somewhat up in the air. I find the author to find love in nature and learning. A young man… SIGH teenager all by his lonesome explains why this remains a favorite of mine even now.

Wil Neuton, a “typical” teen at 15, moves out to the boonies with his family and finds an island. No real complexity, and at the same time, one of those you have to see it or read it to believe it. It’s one of those moments of self-discovery every teen goes through, minus the good fortune of avoiding outside influences. Wil has the middle of nowhere to figure things out, but things can’t ever be thus. It wouldn’t be much of a story, cut to farm girl Susan, scared parents, a bully. There’s no outrunning life, but this book helps.

Now It’s rare for me, at least, to read a book that I relate to in such ways. Hell, I lived parts of this story. Most of it, I had no choice… “school” sucks, I know. Again everyone goes through this period at some point. Then yeah, “pretty, pretty, girls.”

The novel is full-on believable. Not the, oh, I’m suddenly a guru portion but the idea of coming into one’s own. The fact that thinking in new ways can terrify people, especially those closest to you. The whole somewhat romance being pushed to the side. If anything, I only didn’t like the tale sort of being left up in the air. I guess I got spoiled by the author’s “Hatchet” series, which I still haven’t read the last one. I’m 36. Where does the time go? The moon and stars, the basement, ha. But Five Stars, The Island Will What…

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 190 ~Mounting Vague Assumptions Will~

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Well, I saw some “adult situations.” But Trump ain’t much of a man. Am I? A new year and let’s just say that the Capitol got all sorts of F’s for failure and something else. At least Biden got certified, but my future. Mounting Vague Assumptions Will

Thursday, January 7, 2021

Gospel 190 ~Mounting Vague Assumptions Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but still, I wouldn’t be getting fucked as much as the Capitol, right? I would have said something, but I spoke damn early. That’s how I am right now. Oh, the tiniest thing will get me off. Or the biggest (boobs), even the tightest, hmm.

Mounting up upon a New Year or not? Take, for example, the books I’ve been reading. I finished “The Island,” which had nothing but a kiss. Chris Dietzel’s “A Different Alchemy” won’t be a tremendous orgy. Amazon recommended “Breasteses” this morning as if worried ha. Mound in my sweatpants and everything, but I wanted to talk to you. Okay, I’m lying. If the internet was working correctly, I would be stealing Love Wolf Vids from Xvideos. The next big thing with my monster. Creatures and girls. Is that my new fetish? I mean, um, tentacles. Mouthful of wrong, Dirty Diana? I’m looking at demons and things from horror stories. I should get back to reading about Succubi. If it’s not that, I’ve been into blondes lately. Kenna James in Peeping Tom, Madison Minx in Kiss This. Forgetting Milf Dos, Cherry…

Vagrants in my Spank Bank. Of course, as the song goes, “pretty, pretty girls.” Wasn’t I crowing yesterday about finding that blonde from Pinterest? I still got no luck finding the rest of her collection. Not the time for love, but someday, a girl will give me a clean slate. “Vagabonds believe the very best,” don’t we, to sing a song. Focus on the words coming out of my lips, not the lips I want to sink my cock into. As I said, Pinterest sees it, and with all these fights around us, SIGH. Um, I said what to M. Anime last night in wanting? “Vagina” pussy, my as well scream it out as if I were Peggy Hill. One anime character I don’t want to fuck. Hell, that will keep me grounded for a few minutes more. Yes, and the thought of feet. I’ll never get that fetish ever.

Asshole, some people will call me, but I’ve heard worse. Do you want to know a secret, Dirty Diana? Never been in one, well, not my dick anyway. This month, something to shoot for if I’m keeping up with my New Year’s Resolutions these days. Already spending my stimulus surviving. Sex… MOUnting VAGue ASSumptions Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

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Being a black man in America, I’m not a statistic… I got up early, six instead of ten, you can thank my furbaby for that. The stimulus came through yesterday but besides my kid, my day job, and car people where’s the money going? Don’t Count On Will.

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

Gospel 189 ~Don’t Count On Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which must mean I hate you. Well, I don’t think that way about you, Inspector Echo, or any of the other girls. Okay, so the Man in the Mirror, but as I’ve been saying ad nauseam, it’s a New Year. I’m working on myself… I’m trying. The thing is, I’m asking myself, am I too late? If it isn’t the money, then it’s been my age these days. I’m 36, and if I were to tell you all the things I haven’t done, even this morning. As the song goes, “Time, time, time. See what’s become of me.” Money, Age, Time…

I could wrap that all around my favorite subject in the whole wide world. Well, after my Dæmon, of course. Looks like my Imp’s going to get that vet appointment anyway. Geez, right after I got my stimulus payment. Republican Idiocracy tendencies, “I Like Money.”

Okay, so my favorite subject, I swear I have missed out on so much. When it comes to… well, how do I say this and remain a nice guy? Again I support artists and, in the same breath, thieves. Even with the motherlode of “artwork,” I’ve I miss out on galleries, gathering, and grabbing up all I can. Do you remember after the last Pinterest Suspension/Purge, I was upset about a specific board I lost? I found a few pieces of it the other day but not the whole thing. I would say I find nothing more annoying but that would make me a liar. It’s like finding the perfect “movie” and not being able to download it. How about what happened to such and such a website? What about being so anxious for something and then having it snatched away with fear? Mine… hers?

“A half-read book is a half-finished love affair.’” Cloud Atlas

I feel like Nicolas Cage/Yuri Orlov; I’m always five minutes too early or five minutes late. Being black, I was taught to be early always. As for being a man, I was taught “nice guys finish last” (12 Days, fingers crossed). I’m forever a day late, a dollar short, that is if I want something. I hate being late for the Day Job. Now I love my Dæmon like pancakes, but I got out of bed not by “force of will” but because my son needed me, meds, cleaning, potty.

Hate has my number, but love… Don’t Count On Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

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The world is noisy, and that’s why I love my Dæmon so much; he’s quiet. If he does get loud barking, it’s to help or be hardheaded, but he doesn’t bark to breathe. People spend time talking to acknowledge existence. With love? Such A Squeaky Will yep

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

Gospel 188 ~Such A Squeaky Will~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I like Containment. Am I already becoming so confusing at the start of this New Year? Do I mean the show, our home, how I live my life? All three? It’s why I don’t talk much. I’m a hard man to know. One for an epiphany? While I was Just Cruisin’ sometime last week, still angry at Serra Hyundai. Hell, we’re rich. Why am I even driving myself? Yes, I’m tempted to burst out into Cars by Gary Numan. Thanks for noticing. Only I’ve never been a car guy or a much for love type. The thing is Love’s Loud.

You remember that campaign “Love is Louder”? With all the noise in the world, I don’t ask for your love to compete. Okay, this brings me to my epiphany. Driving, I started thinking about when we began dating. I enjoy quiet movie nights, music, museums. Always I remain a hopeless romantic. Forever Hopelessly Devoted To You. A fool for the idea of Love At First Sight. I’m not one to kiss and tell. You know Saving All My Love for You. Geez, might as well create another playlist. Baby Girl, you make my heart sing. People talk too much, and when it came to us because Only God Knows Why, those three little words I Love You are wasted. Of the women I’ve known (GULP), I’ve only meant them four times. To my Mom, to a high school girl, a YouTube starlet, and to you.

Then I found out that love is louder. As I said to the women, I’ve known, but I tell my Dæmon I love him every day. I say it to all our kids. Me, a “Soccer Dad” well, maybe they’ll stick to quieter pursuits. Either way, I’m down. The pitter-patter of tiny feet all over. Those Saturdays, where we can lie together and listen to my “Nuclear” playlist. It seems more prudent than ever. Oh, and why did I have to soundproof our room again? Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do is all I’ll say. I’m trying to not make you get loud now. Then yeah, I always told myself I had to marry a woman that was a singer. A chef because kids are always spoiling appetites. The Dæmon is looking at his full bowl SIGH. But butterflies.

Telling you baby, I love you, Such A Squeaky Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

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The first Monday of the new year. Same job, redundant emotions. And with my “Republican Tendencies” leftover feelings of hate for humankind. It took me a while to calm down after my cray day. Good thing I started this Sunday. Panic Does Not Serve You

Monday, January 04, 2021

Gospel 187 ~Panic Does Not Serve You~

Hundred And Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and in other things, I wish I knew. How about being scared to death. I’m terrified, now seeing how I’m coming on or off (with time) another lousy shift. It’s still Sunday, but speaking to Lady Lu, I wanted to take my son to the vet. As I told the Man in the Mirror, it was a night of puppy cries and puke in my bed. He’s had some good hours, no vomit, no cries. Making up for lost time. It seems Madam Justice this year has started off with confessions and another. I saved some money.

Do you remember when I was pissed at Serra Hyundai about wanting another $500? Hell, I still am, but as I was driving away after saying no, I was frightened. Spent the whole ride listening to “Sixteen Tons,” “Working in a Coal Mine,” and “We Will Go Home” for real. Speaking of which, the “Song of Exile.”It’s at the forefront of my mind whenever I head to the Day Job. I carry a plastic bag and a Sprite in my backpack. Yes, I might puke when I get out of the car to start the day. Even now, I’m shaking knowing the coming week. Right this second, I panicked when a friend was a bit upset with me about my views on Trump. I know Madam Justice, it didn’t take long, and here we are, day three or four into the brand New Year SIGH.

Speaking of “Republican Tendencies,” why is it again that I feel that money will solve my problems. Because I would be “Takin’ Care of Business.” I hear my first playlist this year. It doesn’t change the fact with the right amount of money, well who knows, hmm. I do. Last night while fighting addiction, I thought, would “Capital A” forgive me for wanting? Well, what a boy wants. With enough, I would make Target, Serra Hyundai, and the “Day Job” AHEM “quake with fear” or panic. Maybe funding other businesses. How about my panic? What’s the cure there? Again something I can’s share and can’t do anymore but twenty minutes, where am I, in bed. There’s also my Anger and Rage. Please don’t make me quote Yoda. Nowadays, I’m focused on how old I am.

Time is on my side, well no, so yeah, yikes… Panic Does Not Serve You.

I Will Have No Fear