Tag: Human

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

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It’s the most “beautiful” time of the year, baby it’s cold outside, and do I look like Charlie Brown, I doubt he would change places with me today, nobody would and of course, count my blessings, be grateful, don’t complain. I’m Only Human After All.

Monday, December 10, 2018

Episode 162 ~I’m Only Human After All~

Sixty-Second Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, to keep it, find sin and indulge but if you want to give it away, find virtue and exploit the Hell out of it; now I have always been one for the readings of Le Marquis de Sade and LUST, but that makes me a monster… maybe? If I wanted to be more human, I think the sin I’m looking for is GREED, or at least that’s most people because it gives us time to think about what we truly want to be or at least keeps us from getting into worse or dead.

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

Considering what I think about humanity, namely that of all life forms humans are the “worse” all I’ve ever wanted to know is my manhood and days like today I’m realize that me even wanting that is a joke. I can already tell you today my reason for being a writer… nobody ever lets me answer anything; like I said greedy but for air, and while I want money, maidens, my dog sigh, I wonder why I can’t fucking breathe most days and yes Justice, the “language.” I don’t wonder what it means to be human or even alive most days I’m Only Surviving, After All, that’s what needs doing these days but being a workhorse, a victim, some pain does not sit well ever.

“If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever.”
George Orwell

I must sound like I’m repeating myself which is another reason for these rules and my want to be, hell I don’t know what, monsters don’t live with the consequences, “B III” shows me that animals do remember, and words are immortal again why I’m writing. One more reason, because I don’t have to get up, I hurt my ankle today getting out of the way of some girl; knowing how I disrespect women writing-wise on the daily “men” are told we are inferior to women… okay, that’s opening a can of worms but is that not what I am? An infection, an ant, a rodent, another way of explaining my nightmares, of course, I was listening to my Motivations, and they talk about what a miracle human beings are, then I remember politicians, parents, people in general and they put the blame on me.

Madam Justice, either I’m not human at all, and I’m getting sick and tired of everyone well… you know I don’t have any answers, but I wish they would give me the benefit of one breath to figure it out, not that I’m doing myself any favors sleeping all the time. On the other hand, I am human, and people are far too concerned with being miracles, children of God, icons, whatever and they don’t need to know ever when they see me, I’m nothing, I’m Only Human After All.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

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Somebody once said that we need to remember our heroes but heroes can only come made from tragedy and while I write horror aplenty, or I’m “trying” to because I’m no hero, hell I’m no writer even, a hero’s work never ends. Backstory, I Say Back.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, I then ask when did I stop loving you, even when I saw “Solo: A Star Wars Story” last night but no worries this isn’t a review, because as you know, I have had some trouble writing those recently to be honest. On the one hand, it makes it simpler to keep writing my six impossible things but on the other, how creative am I these days.

I know “I’m Not The Only One,” as every day my country continues to burn a little more and notice I say (my country) because normally I’m not one to speak on patriotism, but it seems I have no choice, though I’m not in the NFL. Another day I’m sitting here getting ready to write and get caught up for an hour reading about more school shootings, someone knows praise for killing a shooter at a restaurant, and even Morgan Freeman is in trouble for sexual harassment. Yesterday “Cherry” even told me that my post was a bit like a conversation we had about sex some time ago, and maybe I was in a rush because I wanted to see Solo, more questions than answers.

A constant theme in my writing and maybe that’s what today’s lesson is all about, yet again, why is it that I never seek the answer but am forever reiterating the question, even now I find myself living out my past through someone else’s eyes. Don’t they say; you don’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been and maybe the sad thing is I want to rewrite the past, the future can be all sorts of scary. Finishing a book I’m reading, or writing, wanting my childhood not to be so terrible because the future is looking far from “Glorious” and ain’t that something when wrestling would honestly get me going once.

Perhaps the last thing I need is anymore backstory, but at the same time I can’t go all “Clint Eastwood” fighting off my future, and yet again I’m a broken record with access to a smartphone but so is everybody else, take a look my job, bringing back the dress code. Job rules, my country’s laws, and to think I once said they could do with an update but as we are learning that’s not always a good thing right?

Who even cares if history is written by the winners, well rewritten and 1984 will come sooner than you think so should I look back, move forward, and what I’m doing isn’t truly living so if anything there is so much writing to do, no more Backstory, I Say Back?

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (1903 – 1950)

The Twilight Zone, Gabe’s Story

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

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Do we call it bad news anymore, one more school shooting and more people will stick to their televisions, computers, and phones for even less time, the revolution will not be televised they say but why risk going out these days. The Bad News Squares

Friday, May 18, 2018

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, after I give you the bad news, that’s the world today, endless bad news, maybe one more reason that my eyes hurt or perhaps I should go outside, but that’s quite dangerous for African-American men these days?

Do you ever wonder if they hate it, the news anchors that at least once a week write about a school shooting, more young people dying, black people, immigrants, all being torn apart every single day? What about the liars who have to know what they’re saying and yet they continue, from our computer screens, our televisions, the snippets in our phones? As the song goes it’s Hip To Be Square but notice how it’s not so much to be a rectangle with as many people as we’re putting in boxes, I wonder if death still avoiding me, just saying.

“This a celly
That’s a tool
On my Kodak
Ooh, know that”
This Is America

To think what was once the norm, people going about their lives, squares, and next thing you know they’re more round faces for squares to use, numbers on charts and graphs, and it looks like other boxes, prisons are filled with the wrong people. So we hide in these boxes, we call homes, for the record, as stupid as it sounds I hate that word home, I’m in a house and while the home is where the heart is, my heart more often than not is pieces. I told “Indiana Gone” my heart was broken five times in one day, from stories, friends, and movies, no Deadpool 2 spoilers here.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That’s guaranteed. I can’t begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else.” Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

I keep telling myself I’m going to list all the reasons I’m a writer *sigh* well here is another one. I talked about rectangles not being cool but writing is my gift to myself and everyone else, and I only want to get all this down, put it in a box with a pretty bow and hide it. Add it to all the skeletons in my closet because it hurts to look at, like all the potential submissive clothes, and Hardee’s uniform (did we ever talk about that), maybe another day. Let’s not talk about my favorite box either, another reason I haven’t been working on my story as much as I should be and what’s the point with how this country is looking it might be illegal to read and write again, for anybody, children aren’t educated these days.

I never believed them when they would call television the idiot box but look at the people talking, the president is filling boxes one way or another, (don’t look up Stormy Daniels “entertainment”) but do any of us hate it, writing The Bad News Squares.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

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Love is a pretty big topic amongst other things when did life get to be so complicated; it’s when people tried to explain it and not to mention pretty offensive, as the songs there are too many prophets here. “A Prescription For Crazy”

Friday, May 11, 2018

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, well if it works for “some” teachers… but honestly I have never pictured myself as a teacher, how my dog got so smart is beyond me and the only training guide I wanted was “Command Performance” when I was a kid, only we went with the rolled up newspaper guide. Anyway, the thing is if I couldn’t learn how to train my dog correctly, and I love him like pancakes, how will I ever learn to become a writer about things beyond me; so I read this.

“The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.” ― from Richard Price

Yesterday, for example, I wrote “Pockets Full of Miracles” and while I could be the stereotypical African-American male… my “meat is murder” by the way. Instead, I promoted safe sex, e.g., condoms. When I talk about bed it shouldn’t be about that queen size I have waiting for me but more the droop of my eyelids, every single step becoming harder than the last. “Indiana Gone,” asked me why I say, I love my dog like pancakes. I don’t have to speak how he’s my world but the way I now protect my pancakes is how I protect my dog, and I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick to make him; The Walking Dead, I’m a fan.

Speaking of love, I’ve been wondering how to tell my mother I love her without going broke, a Kindle with Black Panther, some great black writers, with her sorority, Alabama, and the Black Panther symbols on it? How about a Black Panther Mother’s Day basket; how often do I talk about spending money on women and I have a sister too that has my nephew. Wasn’t I suppose to be talking about writing, but that’s just the thing, with such subjects one could spend forever and a day writing and never cover it, so you start small, my bank account.

If I wanted to write what is wrong with my country, I could do that in two words, Donald Trump, and then you expand on it, racism, Nazism, lies, hate and the world practically builds itself for better or worse. You want to write about crazy; you don’t start carving out your skull first. You start with one pill left lying in the bottle, the bullet in the gun, the creak of a wooden chair.

I didn’t mean to get so morbid, but we can take this as another lesson in writing can’t we Lady Sophia, A Prescription For Crazy.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

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I have my answer for last week, a story that’s timeless would have to be Star Wars but nowadays if you want a tale as old as time I have one word for you… RACISM but today can’t I be happy it’s Star Wars Day? Right To Remain Told.

Friday, May 04, 2018

Lesson 307 ~Right To Remain Told~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today, and no it’s not because the Sith, the Empire, or even The First Order fail; if anything I find myself in good company, and with that Happy Star Wars Day. To think such a story was once shunned and has become a massive powerhouse, I still hate that idea the winners write history,” and I still believe history is told from the survivors but call it history, prophecy, fiction, truth, they’re words.

People hear what they wish, but that doesn’t mean we should remain silent; at least not always anyway, as I have talked plenty about being loud, being heard, and the world needs that. It’s just too much damn noise now with all the gunshots, the fear as so many hearts beat a little bit faster, the marching in the street, the hatred that’s spewed and anonymous tips falsely reported. So yeah I’ve been reading today about two native American young men who were kicked out of a college tour as they were quiet… seriously Lady Sophia how do I even keep my job, almost didn’t?

Didn’t I say before that people speak of quiet like it’s a goddamn crime, and now their story is being written and bring on the noise, and there should be a ruckus, but people would prefer they hush. What about Star Wars, George Lucas was told to go away, that his story would not amount to anything and look at him now, well better look at Disney actually but still he became God. When it comes to my novel though I have to admit the biggest enemy, the one telling me to remain silent, the one I know that doesn’t believe well “It’s Gonna Be Me,” yeah terribly corny right?

I wish I could say my work is corny or anything that easy, what about my plan of making a poetry book and yeah today is a holiday because I am a nerd but any other day I’m just freaking lazy. No promises but I do want people to know, hell I write every day and just like my poetry collection I’m approaching the year mark aren’t I, and even if I’m speaking into the void, I haven’t known silence.

One day my poems, stories, and life will make excellent kindling, and you can take that however you wish, and while I have the right to remain silent on my views, I also have the precious “Right To Remain Told.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

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What’s the last story I consider timeless, the story I can reread, and it doesn’t break my heart, or I make me all sorts of anxious before it gets to the good stuff, which one can I quote all day? “I Hope They Remember.”

Friday, April 27, 2018

Lesson 300 ~I Hope They Remember~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today because I remember… I was thinking of a new rule “Good Stories Are Worth Retelling,” but that’s not true at all or at least it’s less true than “History Is Written By The Victors” I still hate that saying. So the lesson today is what stories would you like retold, remembered, reimagined, and please excuse my alliteration but that’s just another thing I wish I could forget but that seems impossible honestly.

Much like forgetting what I watched last night… I won’t say what because I don’t want to spoil it but even when you don’t care it’s just, I know something you don’t know and you know I am no one for secrets. Part of the reason I am a writer is that I want people to know and in the end, remember me, but there are so many stories of who I am I don’t know which one is true anymore. Did I tell you I finished my book and I’m nowhere near done even editing the first chapter and the ending, don’t get me started on endings today shouldn’t I be focused on beginnings?

Anyway as far as stories retold, hell Lady Sophia do you want a list, it would be pretty short, and the Bible didn’t make it, hell I’ve never gotten through the whole thing, every single book. Now there are plenty of books worth remembering but again if anything I want to remember me, remember the man that isn’t me in my words, or give them something to remember because the man I am was never wanted. As far as reimagined, that takes me to last night, can’t say what I was expecting, but I wanted to know it for myself.

I don’t think any story is the same for any person, so that means there has to be someone out there, out of seven billion people or so that will do what… like my story, remember that I’m only human. As I was telling “Indiana Gone” this morning, I might stand a chance as a teacher, on how not to do something but don’t look to me for any guidance.

Then again tell me to stop highlighting every single thing in a book, trying to find some real reason, like the review that I might write today, but of course, I won’t post it quite yet because for right now Sophia I Hope They Remember.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

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I talked about taking ten steps last week, and now I don’t know whether to stand or run, but at the end of the day I can’t lie down, but isn’t that what I did at work today *sigh* then again I might need that breath. People Lie, Don’t Stand There now

Monday, April 02, 2018

Lesson 275 ~People Lie, Don’t Stand There~

Twenty-Sixth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, but I am not dead yet which is one of the meanings of this rule; this is but another way to say that I will not join the dead. I will not wait my turn; I will not mourn my life away or even dance on their graves as much as I may want to. The second concept of this rule is a lesson I learned again today, people will lie about you, people will want you to stand for this, but if you hold to their lies what else can you do but fall?

“ let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. That’s the only way to become what you are meant to be.” Kylo Ren

Given my many chances with death or maybe just this moment, I don’t want to die, the plethora of zombie entertainment shows an overwhelming majority when faced with the dead, stand and fight, or they run, but all choose to live. I have never been one to mourn the dead, my grandmother, aunts, more family, and maybe you could call me heartless, but I do not wallow in tears or even blood, because I can’t swim, there’s a rule in there somewhere, right? Once those that hurt me are gone why do they deserve another drop of sweat, I got my quart of blood, in the end, I need only move on, always keep moving.

“Compromise where you can. Where you can’t, don’t. Even if everyone is telling you that something wrong is something right. Even if the whole world is telling you to move, it is your duty to plant yourself like a tree, look them in the eye, and say, ‘No, *you* move’.” Captain America: Civil War (2016)

Now call me a hypocrite but in the same token when somebody lies on me, sweeps something under the rug, I move and I find another place to stand; take my general manager today, what did he make me out to be today, a coward. A man would have moved, a man would have gotten in his face and asked him, who the fuck does he think he’s talking to, does this man think he can call me out like this, an on a racial note a black man tearing another black man down. Allow me to break a bit of a personal record since I haven’t mentioned that bitch in a while but my name is Will, capital WILL and I’m not skeevy, creepy, or some would-be obsessive. She’s not worth the time; I’m just a stupid guy that liked a more idiotic girl.

Some falsehoods should be lying in the dirt, that doesn’t mean you have to dig each one up and the ones that you do, you expose, no more skeletons will find a home in my closet. No more masks either, as I ponder which one to wear today because I know the truth don’t I, People Lie, Don’t Stand There.
“Truth is singular. Its “versions” are mistruths.” Cloud Atlas (2012)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

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Get up and walk ten steps, I heard that in a movie and those guys were fighting for their lives but I barely even pick my feet up anymore, if it wasn’t for stairs… but I imagine there will be someone up there waiting. Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps huh

Monday, March 26, 2018

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

Twenty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, even thinking for a moment that women are less complicated than let’s say most addictions, e.g., a twelve step program, the twelve labors of Hercules, hell even the twelve days of Christmas, keeping in mind when Christmas starts these days.

For most guys, it starts with the girl next door, and honestly, that’s a vast gulf, but for me, it took maybe a year to get over. Third grade was putting girls in the dirt, fourth grade was a whole new type of hitting, and by fifth grade well I was ten steps closer to all kinds of trouble. Puberty was zero to a hundred, talk about missing all the steps, and my parents didn’t help, “no face as hideous as my face” so why bother with the talk right, wasn’t like I was going out anywhere. I’ve always said my mother did her best to raise a gentleman, hell even my father didn’t approve of me smacking girls’ behinds, the rules of courtship were a complete blank for me.

For a guy wholly preoccupied with getting in some girl’s pants, perhaps I am a bit old-fashioned. Maybe I was fortunate enough to be influenced by the 90s with a mix of admiration of R&B and writing, or it could be the fact that I’m a dominant and one of the provisions of submission is to have genuine trust. Also, my standards are quite high, or I’m shallow without any right to be, but for someone of quality one must step their game up, meaning the more I want someone the harder I try, which might not sound fair. Remember though Madam Justice there is also the “Blackjack Scale” to consider, that goes to twenty-one and currently not one human walking the planet is that high. My dog, of course, lives here, has every single need met, toys galore, a myriad of comfy spots including my bed, and when we met, I didn’t have to take ten steps, just one.

So maybe I’m lazy because that love came quickly but for the right girl why not take ten steps, wanting a person is harder than my “Big Ten Inch… record of the band that plays the blues “thanks, Bull Moose Jackson. It means more though to a girl though, if you think she’s everything, knowing she’s worth the travel, truth, Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps.

“You can’t tell me you can’t do it!
Get up and walk ten steps.
– Get up and walk!” Alive

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 105 ~Only Human After All~

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Everything breathes and I know each breath as the song goes but no I don’t, I keep breathing and it seems each one breath just gets harder as the days go by, but I’m a man and not a monster, usually. Only Human After All

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Lesson 105 ~Only Human After All~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but I did miss the hell out of you this past week and I wish I could remember most of it; should I go back to the old way, seeing as how I have yet to give the others any real form or substance? I could say that about myself, because isn’t it weird, you remember life but not how to live, and while you don’t remember how you survived, when you need to, you do it, without any hesitation.

If we’re talking about today, I made my bed, I can’t remember who said this but always start by making your bed, or walking Braxton depending on the day, yard work, the chores as usual. Can’t say I have much to be proud of this week other than I made money and I’m still here and that is what matters isn’t it, even if that is all there is. Have I been living the rules… I must admit I’ve retreated back to form either because of people’s idiocy and of course my own exhaustion really.

You ever stop to think, maybe that’s why the caveman never spoke or let’s say took the time to establish a language, considering every breath was so precious. It makes sense in the realm of monsters as well since zombies don’t breathe, neither do vampires, what about a few staples of monster movie “folklore” and other monsters are only beasts, so do they see breath the same way that we do, you know what I mean. Humans are the only ones that might think about it, like time, an animal breathes never knowing what breath might be their last, then again I know that animals treasure memories, while I forget.

This is what makes us worse Lady Lu, humans I mean, we anesthetize with anything and everything just to get by, I can tell you the last movie I watched, the last book I read, the last dumb decision that made me feel good but everything else is just dull or fear. Isn’t that why I’m keeping a journal and I don’t want to come back and read it, I only look to surviving tomorrow.

So what have I learned today, that I’m guilty and would be a worthy victim for John Kramer/The Jigsaw Killer, again with the pop culture Luna, Only Human After All?

Will Known

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Something I’m going to regret, not today, hopefully not tomorrow, but for now as they sing fifteen percent concentrated power of Will, though I’m firing on all cylinders now. Will Known, who knows but someday maybe, and no I don’t mean never heh

How can you define Will?
Not in the words of a dead man
Have you bothered to check?
Could you possibly, listen, listen, hear, and understand
this secret I spill

What, “I’m Alive”, Will,
before the faces of a billion men
some wrong women I suspect,
to my virtues and vices, regrets and sins
I’ll scream it until

who I am and choose to be is Will
like Will Smith Will Schuester, Will Parry
do they expect
I can be like them, then it’s not so scary
until I thrill

when adversity threatens, my force of Will
more effective than an AK, hotter than a Molotov cocktail
let me direct
World War Three on Pay TV, a script to Hell
Maybe I can pay the bills

where Batman does but sign my checks Will
with my potential, my future, like any superhero
God knows I’m not perfect
I’m only human don’t you know…
No, then I have something to fulfill

Why promise anyone but Will
Free Will, Iron Will, even if I’m the one to blame
There will be some respect
People will remember the name
Yes I’m gonna make it, yes I Will

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.