Tag: Lesson

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

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If you asked me my favorite sin, I would say Lust, my needed sin would be Wrath, and the one I most indulge in would be Sloth, then again check my search history right but speaking of history, I write still. Time Humiliates Again Will.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Lesson 158~Time Humiliates Again Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, it’s why I enjoy anger so much or namely one of the seven deadly sins “wrath” but which would you prefer that I drown in a lake of tears or that I burn in a lake of fire… least I’m warm.

Today let’s focus on three of the seven the first being WRATH because it’s taking over, every day it grows stronger, and I know honestly enough that anger doesn’t help anything but my fear. No, I’m not going to quote Master Yoda or some tired cliché but why do people only see the worst parts of me and then with their laughter, snickers, damn can we just call it human nature, they invite the monster out to play? How not to sound like a psychopath *ahem* see I can’t even say what I was going to because I need this job and for some reason, I feel someone is reading.

What about LUST, I recall talking about a woman I met recently on the Whisper App who could do nothing but yap all day at me but what did I think about her at the time? Well, there was time enough to lie and doesn’t that just show how powerful lust it, I hate hunters, I lied about my schedule and other things and why, because I wanted her, what kind of man am I? Not that she’ll know, she wanted to “hang out, ” and I already told her I was shallow, sins galore. Anyway we traded pictures last night, now isn’t it funny she suddenly shut up, and she can’t go out, not because she’s married of course but because someone needs surgery?

Not that I’m busy crying over her though I got off an hour early from work and after freezing thanks to the dog I climbed right into a warm bed and decided I live here now. Yeah, I couldn’t even get it up to go to my workstation, and I just slept most of the day away, waking up all shocked and surprised though I did manage to eat. SLOTH, a waste of time and that’s what all the sins have in common, they were a waste of time and how am I going about correcting this because sorry just doesn’t cover it Inspector Echo.

I am sorry though, I apologize, to you, to the world, to the future missus who knows I am better than this and to myself but Time Humiliates Again Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

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When I say hello to most people it’s a little obligation and when I say goodbye to those people there is nothing good about it, I genuinely wish I’ll never see the likes of them ever again, but when I first said hello to her. With Honey I’m Home

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Lesson 157 ~With Honey I’m Home~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, though honey I’m home seems a bit cliché, but so many hours talking to people I wouldn’t waste a hello on but with you, do I owe it to you or do I just love you so? On the other hand, I don’t tell you goodbye either, when it’s just the dog, and I ask him to be good, I remind him I’ll be back, to think when I take a step to leave him I’m heading back home already.

I know I’m not the most energetic person, “Good Morning” person, or have a good day, the walking in the house type of person, you’re here, so I’m happy, I don’t lie, and the last time I checked I live here. Maybe someday I’ll be greeted with “daddy, daddy” the children will regale us with stories of a better world, I’ll always read them stories before and bed and tell them goodnight before I find my way to you love. Goodbye though, the words have never bothered me because with you there is just no such thing, I’ll see you later, I’ll be back, how about I love you *sigh*?

Maybe I have high hopes for the world or higher aspirations for us that I can walk in and find you lying on our couch or in our bed and just snuggle up next to you? My name on your lips as you hold me close or we see each other next, for once that is something I would look forward to because everyone else just wants to take me away. In the morning or n the night, three little words are all I require if that because you’ll be the first thing I see when I wake and the last as I rest, who needs another cliché, just saying?

If anything I need to ask how I’ll speak to you at all, will it just be hello, hi, hey, Ha Ha, yeah my vocabulary is somewhat limited and honey… nah I can’t picture myself saying that though it would be nicer when strangers become friends and friends become lovers. Your name will mean so much, and beautiful will, of course, have a new meaning in the dictionary, but for now, I’m only trying to make my way to you.

When we’re together though; okay, one cliché, home is where the heart is so maybe when I find you there the first time, that’s the first and last time I’ll start With Honey I’m Home.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 156 ~Satisfaction, The Death Of Desire~

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What do we want, you know something, what do I want, at the end of the day that is all that truly matters is what do I want and if that’s another person, well lucky them or not? “Satisfaction, The Death Of Desire,” is it

Monday, December 4, 2017

Lesson 156 ~Satisfaction, The Death Of Desire~

Ninth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, and again I find myself lying for is it our fears that seek us out or we that seek them and in so doing conquer them only to seek out newer ones. If there is one thing that none of us can honestly be it’s satisfied for the moment we are, I believe we seek to be possible?

It’s perhaps this possibility that makes the dead so frightening, the damned, Walkers, zombies whatever you wish to call them because death should be the end, eternal rest. If we want or need nothing then what is it that drives us, I’m not talking the meaning of life or purpose, but all we do is to simulate death somehow only to rise again and begin the process once more. How does one define desire, well I honestly have no wish to look up the possible million definitions but here’s what I find it to be.

A wolf must kill when he is hungry, the wish to end life need not be present but gets done in the name of satisfying the wolf, for hours, a day, who knows but it is done, again and again, the wolf will go unsated until death. The same I will say about a man; personally, I want to eat I must work, hatred of this leads me to grander gestures, hunger for more and so I become more than I am, seeking the apex of life before death. It is only with men however that our appetites grow with the rise of our power, for everything else it is merely a physical transaction perhaps.

Everything else living takes more merely to match its size and strength but no not man, it is how civilization came to be as we know it, an object of a lifetime worth of desire. Desire is one way that I seek to break my fear; I must desire more than the fear itself, a lesson I once read about from Socrates I think, he said, when you want wisdom more than you need air…

When I want violence more than my peace, words more than silence, lust more than fantasy… maybe that’s not an even trade, but then again I am human, and humans want more and as I intend to live for now Satisfaction, The Death Of Desire.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 155 ~So What’s Your Beef~

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Burning the house down, making myself sick, and looking at the novel I just wrote, so many enemies or is it just me, I mean hello, is seven different personality or idea posts enough and truthfully one more about me. So What’s Your Beef

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Lesson 155 ~So What’s Your Beef~

To Will:
No Fear, I mean don’t have a cow man, so you finished one journey, and now you don’t know what to do with yourself, so in theory, it’s just another day. It wasn’t last week, but this week perhaps you took the challenge of no more chicken in your diet; ok, there is still some in the fridge, but that wasn’t by your hand, thank goodness for mothers.

Why don’t we define a goal, as I have stated on numerous occasions, both to “Indiana Gone,” and “Okay” it seems that everything you or I might want is impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane. I can’t tell you something like maybe you should lay off choking the chicken… two weeks in, no wonder you feel so penned up, and on the other side of the coin, you’re falling back into your laziness. Sure you just accomplished something major, you wrote a damn book and as with previous titles you’re giving into depression about what happens next again, “Some Assembly Required”?

As much as you may beef with the future and the end of the day, you must admit that you still have no idea what’s going to happen, despite experience. Maybe that’s what you should do, fight the real enemy as somewhat famous once said and that enemy lies right in front of you. Another way of saying I hate myself and other people, but having these three enemies, past, present, and future is no way to victory, and you should be basking in it.

So should I tell you what you’re going to do tomorrow, am I a psychic, the government, a dream interpreter as a manager at work thought I was… the future is always there but what about today? You wrote 50,000 words in the month that is worst for a retail employee so today let’s do something where you’ll see results.

Today your goal is to go and beat your meat; no, I don’t mean with that English tart you’ve been fantasizing about, more the Wal-Mart variety because don’t you miss having tacos? If you’re so scared about the man you will face tomorrow, why not strengthen the man you are today; Am I sure there is a rule in there someplace possibly? If you should die well then, you get your enemy one way or the other, and don’t go on WebMD, too late already, *sigh* honestly Will, So What’s Your Beef.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 154 ~Where’s The Next Mountain~

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How do you make a mountain out of a molehill, the same way you write any book with just one word, one true sentence as Ernest Hemingway put it about something I think I know, and then I know nothing, so the question becomes… Where’s The Next Mountain

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Lesson 154 ~Where’s The Next Mountain~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, but those that I’m waiting to create, can I not bask in victory for a few moments, the climb was ugly, brutal, and to be honest the view isn’t much, but the fact is I did it right? So what next, when I’m not planning my next waste of time, I’m bust playing catch-up, and that’s not going to well either, as I continue to play the gay best friend to several lonely women apparently.

If anything I should just swear off women, what’s it been about twelve days and while I have given up one vice yet again, I’ve bumped into three women, I swear my phone is a curse. Excuse me for sharing this with you and not Lady Sophia, my writing was supposed to bring freedom was it not and instead, my rules have been getting some attention as of late. Even now this one married woman wants to talk while her husband chases a squirrel and no I’m not planning on going down that road again.

The day job continues to as Negan would say “Suck Ass” and something stupid might come of it sooner rather than later, but I just repeat to myself “I need this job” and of course there is a mountain I am nowhere prepared for if I lose it. As far as other jobs, email has become one, another I don’t get paid for, not to mention friendship which explains me being so late talking to you, and what it’s not that late there is just so much to do. It could be worse, the holidays and yes I have to do some shopping myself but how I miss my solitude, is that why I chose the NaNoWriMo mountain, good excuse.

What better way to ignore everyone than creation, you know I’m not a man of faith but do you think God has his regrets with his loneliness to create humanity and then he watches such madness take hold and is left trying to fix it possibly? I made myself a world, and in January I will be asked to flush out that world to make it, I don’t know something that will never truly be seen by anyone I bet.

So what have we learned today other than I’m sitting on the mountain and by the time I get to the molehill it will be another mountain, what to call it Where’s The Next Mountain?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 153 ~The Horror, Horniness, Helplessness~

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Is it just me or has this room quieted somewhat without all the frustrated breaths, the echoes of the keys dying, earlier since I’m not working all night, my characters falling silent with their stories told? The Horror, Horniness, Helplessness

Friday, December 1, 2017

Lesson 153 ~The Horror, Horniness, Helplessness~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, until next month but even now I’m sort of at that part in the movie when, I’m in the woods lost, the car won’t start, the realization that the monster is coming. First I should off by saying and not that I’ve been crowing about it or anything but I’m a NaNoWriMo winner, finished on the 29th, 50,000 words of complete and utter… well, you know what I want to say, ignorance, garbage, idiocy, etc.

What the holy hell was I thinking, and now that it’s over now I’m just imagining what I’m supposed to be feeling now and again my creativity is failing me. In a way it sort of parallel’s my book, the guy is lost somewhere in the bowels of Hell, but unlike me he at least has somebody coming after him, a family he has never seen, but they are there. When I’m not obsessing over that, it’s the fact that I may never catch up with the life I upped and abandoned, not that it was truly doing me any favors honestly but it’s mine.

Mine just like this story one big pile of shit, and if anything, I need to be gearing up for January, but I just want to fall, fuck, or fear every single thing. Excuse my Sesame Street antics; I’m just trying to stay awake or keep from breaking down, both are viable options. At least I’m not in bed at the moment, and I would say that’s a miracle but how does one define a miracle. Maybe the question is how does one define the impossible because last week didn’t I think being here, surviving, winning, completing, NaNoWriMo, was beyond me, it’s all about me.

That’s it isn’t it, nobody else cares, and this story is as doomed as that story about turkeys taking over the world or for “For Love of Truth,” what about “Some Assembly Required” 120,000 words and 50,000 words is what I considered a challenge? Is that it, why I can’t get excited about what I’ve done now, and I just being me, perhaps I truly fear the light, am I trying to get some actual philosophical basis to my crappy sexual romp, that can’t be.

I could have just needed a new project like Andy Dufresne, but sometimes it’s the little dog at my feet. I keep telling him to wait for me, and I’ll give us both a real life, a real home but all I have to offer is writing and when I look at my latest work *sigh* The Horror, Horniness, Helplessness.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 152 ~Behind In My Lusting~

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Baby got back and did you wonder how or why I know this, probably because it’s all I get to see while they’re running away but I have always been a sucker for a pretty face… okay and nice boobs. Behind In My Lusting, its just been a Hard month

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Lesson 152 ~Behind In My Lusting~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana
No Fear, just because you can see fear, doesn’t mean it can see you, and maybe that’s why so many guys like big butts, as for me, well, I ain’t leaving it that’s for damn sure. Ask me my personal preferences, and I’m more a breast man, which might explain why I’m such a big baby, what do you think hmm?

“Some brothers wanna play that “hard” role
And tell you that the butt ain’t gold
So they toss it and leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it.”
Baby Got Back Sir Mix-A-Lot

I can honestly say that I’ve never done anal with any woman before, is that weird considering all the kink that I’m into these days? I’ve told you about tentacles, gangbangs, and the fact that I don’t share… but it is a fantasy of mine, to have a woman taken in every hole, not a Devil’s Three-Way, I’m not there yet. I wonder how much one of those “fucking machines” cost, yes I honestly looked up those words today and can I just say for the record, what’s with me?

You could think I have been a bit turned off a butt stuff as of late, haven’t picked up that boo Shiver in weeks, yeah reading about two men is not my cup of tea, but I have truly been writing. I think I told all of my “imaginary friends” that I finished NaNoWriMo just yesterday so now I don’t have any excuses not to be reading, speaking of which Shiver sounds better than my worthless drivel. Speaking of which, I don’t think I even put any let’s say “anal stimulation” in my book, what am I getting all shy now or maybe I’m just sort of surprised if anything.

I don’t have anything against ass at all, I like spanking, and I can even enjoy getting spanked, a girl gripping my ass as she sucks me off, and one of the few places where different temperatures may turn me on. As far as going up that direction when it comes to my ass, there are reasons I am staying out of prison, and that’s probably in the top three.

So then you ask why do I expect some girl to let me do it to her, here’s a bigger question as I am one for the primal instinct, who first thought that this was a good idea? The pursuit of pleasure cannot be denied or perhaps it is evolution, as I discussed with a friend, due to overpopulation how best to continue the human condition and yet not produce offspring to perpetuate the problem. I’m behind in so much Dirty Diana, but maybe that’s not a bad place to be in this angle of love Behind In My Lusting.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 151 ~Just Another Red Shirt~

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Is it a job, is it a career, is it dream, all I know is, for the most part, it’s a place that I don’t want to be. I don’t have to be, but then again while I obviously don’t care for my own life, my son likes eating most days. “Just Another Red Shirt”

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Lesson 151 ~Just Another Red Shirt~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, though if I quit my job today, there would be plenty, of course, it didn’t matter when I was just another red shirt, I’ll give you a point if you get that reference though I don’t particularly feel funny today. There are plenty of places I can go on the subject of humiliation, sadly though I can’t go to HR and the unemployment line, I need this job, now more than ever but that doesn’t make it right does it?

I should probably save this for Lady Sophia, but I finished NaNoWriMo today and needless to say I will need to keep my day job now for now and it might also help if I get a decent night’s sleep. Remember Arby’s; there was pretty much no way to avoid the madness getting to me, the anger, sleep deprivation and here I am talking to you because I’ve been doing nothing but wasting my time. No, I don’t mean with you but with today, and right now I just feel so hallow you know, just give me a shovel and start digging because we know what’s going to happen with this novel now don’t we?

Anyway so I’m at work, and the general manager is just getting into me you know, I’m okay with being a fool, calling myself stupid but it utterly destroys me when other people do it you know. Worst is the fact that I decided to tell the truth… okay, not the whole truth then I would be fired but enough and what do I look like to you Inspector Echo, a fucking comedian. Yeah, where was that language when I honestly needed it today, but nobody wants the truth, we all want to believe, we all want just to hope.

Live For A Better Tomorrow, is the last chapter of my book, but didn’t somebody once say to write what you know and all I know is I know nothing which is something that I choose to apply to my day job and my dream. Both waste today without a doubt but at least tomorrow I’ll be humiliated yet again, and the other one will just be a disappoint truly.

So what am I asking forgiveness for, wasting so much time, being bereft of hope or just knowing right now I’m Just Another Red Shirt.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

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If you asked me the last time I took a vacation, give me books, my warm bed, at most a trip to the movies, why do I need to go anywhere else, besides the fact that I might want to find her so the both of us can run away together. To Reshape The World

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Lesson 150 ~To Reshape The World~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, live brave, for what could dare stop us if we’re together, as the song goes:

“And then I go and spoil it all
By saying something stupid
Like I love you.”
the song Something Stupid

Which makes jumping out of an airplane look pretty sane if you ask me, and it might ask scare you to ask me more. Indeed I may scare myself. Don’t get me wrong the sight of you in a bikini as we lounge around on the beach, the sight of you before my eyes at all is a trip to paradise to be sure honestly.

If I don’t remind you enough, you’re an angel, a goddess, sitting on the couch watching a movie with you does the trick, as I would call you as they did in Willow “you are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky,” my choice in movies right? How about my choice in adventures, I’m not the biggest fan of “Lord of The Rings” or “The Hobbit” but going to New Zealand is something I never imagined I could do or would do, but when I’m with you… While everything says I wish that the bed was just a little bit bigger there is a lot of Earth out there and please don’t make me burst into Aladdin my love because you know I just might.

We’ll go to Disney World and Disneyland, and I’d like to think we’ll be those types of parents too, and here I don’t want to be like everyone else, but maybe I’m still a traditionalist or just a middle-class American. We might even escape together somewhere far away, travel the world, I’m not sure, but I want to be with you through it all and don’t they say that home is where the heart is? I could write from anywhere but isn’t the point that I’ll have my hands somewhere else than my keyboard, pen, tearing my hair out constantly.

I want to hold your hand as we walk every inch of this world, I want to see you before the greatest wonders of this place and still delight that I find not one of them, as amazing, as beautiful, as love, like you. I want to be with you in every way I can have you as if we’re telling “this one time at band camp,” stories just everywhere else. Could it be that I just want to show you off, would that be such a bad thing, maybe I just want to be sure that I’m the luckiest person alive as with our mere presence in it, the two of us may begin somehow To Reshape The World.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

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All I know is I rather not be the victim, and I don’t believe that all anger is necessarily bad, or at least that’s what everyone attempts to convince themselves of, and it seems like such an angry world and why not Anger Is Better That Despair.

Monday, November 27, 2017

Lesson 149 ~Anger Is Better That Despair~

Eighth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, indeed for everything that I do out of fear, anger… perhaps it’s what makes me the most foolish, but I could live with nearly anything else but despair. When I first began writing again it was out of despair but what makes me keep writing is this great fire, and somedays I don’t care what stokes it honestly.

Despair would have set in if I quit my job today, anger is what got me back to the real work and the somewhat asinine hope that someday I will be rich enough, ready enough, real enough to end the humiliation, degradation, and possibly the perversion of my soul. Now, what is it I said about stoking the fire, trust me if I was only as angry as I was today, instead of being as horny as everything, even my own filthy little sex romp of a novel isn’t a substitute for actual porn. Shouldn’t that make me angry, I am my own worst enemy most days which just makes everything else set me off so damn easy, but shouldn’t we all be angry with everything in the world today.

There is a poem somewhere about how the world will meet its end in fire or ice and don’t count me as any true interpreter Madam Justice but shall we drown in boiling seas of blood, or freezing lakes of our tears since we are doing nothing. Anger at least makes you take action even if that action is the dumbest thing in your whole life, what has despair ever gotten me. A hangover from sleeping pills or vomiting my guts out for a few days, anger can make you must industrious, how many industries do some build on it.

People talk about self-defense, but somebody breaks into your house, there will be fear and anger, righteous or not doesn’t make any difference does it. Liquor feeds off both anger and despair which is why I don’t usually partake, no benefit honestly, as if something out of Furi Kuri/Fooly Cooly/FLCL as Mamimi says “I’ll overflow.”

Perhaps that is the lesson, I rather hurt others than hurt myself, or at least that’s why it is a rule as I am usually falling into depression. Does that make me a bad person; well, I haven’t killed anybody, my hands are clean, but Anger Is Better That Despair.

I Will Have No Fear