Tag: Rainbow Bridge

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

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B III deserved the best life. A gold medal for putting up with me. So what am I doing with my thirty pieces of silver? Mostly sleeping, if not that renting some films and indulging in sin. And what about “My Turn to B III.” B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son.

Saturday, July 31, 2021

Chronicle 030 ~B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, “and I’m proud to be an American,” as the song goes. Haven’t watched the Olympics, though.

Well, not much anyway. I figured today would be easier, having finished my Braxton’s book and all. It’s only been a day, and already I’m falling back into a routine. I haven’t looked at it, and while I’m falling into Sesame Street today is brought to you by the letter S. SLEEP. It took so much to wake up this morning. Notice once again I didn’t say get out of bed but to open my eyes. Won’t say I’m proud of what I did afterward. I had to restart my addiction record. I wonder how long I’ll last this time. Counting before B died, it was 161. Today it’s been 181 Days since B III’s been gone. Did I ever tell you, Lady Lu, how much I can’t stand math?

Me being STUPID at the whole concept of it? Let’s go over OnlyFans, Amazon, and doing nice things? I took care of it this AM, moaning the name of Somebody That I Used To Know. While I’m on the subject of my body, how about the fact that I should go shopping? That would explain my energy level possibly. B’s novel took a lot out of me, and there’s more. No worries, I have the 50,000 words, only I know I could write more. Considering what this week is going to bring. Even the “fun stuff” Lady Lu is bringing me all types of anxiety. I got Amazon Prime thanks to M Anime, so I should watch “The Tomorrow War” and how about “Werewolves Within.”

“Excellent” titles, and I’m still struggling to remember “My Turn to B III.” One of the points I make in it and now is that my son always takes second place. Luna, you might recall me complaining about missing plenty trying to finish… the Day Job. There was nothing left for him when I would return. All I wanted to do was sleep, and that was that. The more things change, the more they stay the same, but Braxton’s not here to punish with indifference. So I sit here and rot, only keeping up with my thoughts of being Bill Gates as I finish a book series. So more stuff to buy unrelated to Braxton, such is my continued Judas betrayal. B’s Seconds, Silvers, Son

181 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

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It’s written that brevity is the soul of wit. With B III’s statute, should I have written a “short” story? So, I’m not funny, but I’m not a lot of things. I’m only human after all, and hopefully, I’ll have 50,000 words saying what? Million B’s To Ehh

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

179 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has been pretty busy writing, but of course, you’ve seen my condition before.

Well, um, I’m a bit worse for wear. I even talked to your aunt this evening, and she had to make sure I was eating. I’m not bathing, and I have barely made it out of bed, but again, you know I’m talking to you late. Past 8:30, so you should have your meds, Braxton. Speaking of some medication, I should probably take something myself. I already cleaned out those Jell-O shots. Now, how many times have you seen me drunk? You remember what that’s like. Remember the time you had the tick in your ear, and I carried you. Braxton, you couldn’t even get off the bed; that brings me right back to today. Tomorrow should be better, B. I’ll be finishing your novel.

I know what you’re thinking. For all the times I participated in NaNoWriMo, and you had to sit here and watch. I’ve written about 500,000 words total, and that’s with all of them. At 50,000 words each, that’s about ten books. In treats and French Fries, that’s not a lot. Braxton, if I had published and was successful, well, it would be all you can eat for yourself. I swear, B, I would buy a franchise and let you hang out. With that cute face of yours, let them try to complain about health codes. Or does a vest work in these situations, you think? I thought writing this book would be easier because I didn’t have to look up much of anything. Our lives.

You know how I say BLM, Braxton’s Life Matters. All about you, B, and if I wasn’t a disappointing enough Daddy, I’m a crappy writer. I’m always down, especially now, not that your story isn’t compelling. If anything, I only want to do it justice, and so far, B III. Hell, I was reading over it all day today. Well, I realized there is still a lot that’s left unsaid. Either that or I repeat myself again and again. The truth, what happened doesn’t change. Even if I were Shakespeare reincarnated, it wouldn’t help if I never share your story. This might even be the last page of it, Braxton. Reincarnation huh? I was saying I didn’t know why I wrote. Million B’s To Ehh

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

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I’m thinking of any time I was cheered for anything. I don’t do sports and only watch wrestling and the Olympics. Or at least I did, but what was I doing last night as Team USA walked in, the drones flew, the Pictograms? When B was sick. Give Me A B

Saturday, July 24, 2021

Chronicle 023 ~Give Me A B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must cheer the “ideology” of the USA. You know Capitalism. Oh, the Olympics…

Yeah, I knew I forgot something. The Olympics, myself, B III. No, I would instead cheer for my Day Job. Or jeer, doesn’t matter to them as long as I’m there, even when I’m not. If it’s not that, how about going all out for a corporation. Always Amazon. How many people talk about them and yesterday sure I went shopping for Succubus Lord 19. It’s madness that I can find the time, literally see it; the alarm goes off. I wish I could say that’s when I put it down and get to work. No, I’m a slave to it. Obsessed fanboy, hmm? What I’m getting at is, I’m starting to hate this game called Life. You ask me what else is new, right.

Some days are worse than others and yesterday wasn’t one to write home about. Home, again, I’m left without one with Braxton being gone. My cheering is rooted in exhaustion. As I “watched” The Olympics Opening Ceremony. Between being on my phone, keeping an eye on “Stuff And Thangs,” and working on not going to prison, I got an idea. Hate, Lady Lu, it’s like a painting. My eyes were so tired, but there was so much to do. The thing is, when I look at the picture, closer, deeper, focus, oh Braxton Barks Bradford. With such love, it was easy to see that the whole painting was made more beautiful. Then you remove that one element, and what remains? I don’t want to look.

I want to cheer for my Braxton again any time he did something good. As I talked about yesterday, I need his collar back around his neck and not lying empty in his bed. Today I want to say that I did 5000 words and not 3100. You won’t hear me cheering for Brandy, but as the song plays Almost Doesn’t Count. B’s the only time second is first. Almost should become my new Another. It’s not Another day, but it is Almost a day. It all depends on when I choose to live it. Do you think B is somewhere cheering me on? For now, he would be on the end of the bed waiting for me. I’m still sleeping. Give Me A B.

174 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

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What’s doing more blinking, the cursor on the page or my eyes. B’s who I miss the most right now, but that’s not what my book is saying. I can’t fail B this month as I did in January, but that requires me to get up and move. The Letter B Moves

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

172 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Should I even try to tell you about mine? No, I haven’t even lived it.

Today is Tuesday, and I’m trying to stay ahead. Do you remember when you were sick? You don’t want to, right but let me get this out. If I could do it again, B III, I’d pick you up and rush you to Banfield Hospital right this second. Could they have saved you B III? Yeah, because I was much too busy. It’s been the theme of this week. There is so much to do, and when I have time, what do I do. Today I had to talk to two of the girls and get to writing your novel. We’ll get to that, but I believe you know what the answer is Triple B.
You’re not sitting under the table or in my lap.

All the time in the world B, and money, Ha. How many times did you hear me talking about writing? Now instead of books, I want to go right back to bed. It’s a miracle that I even got to the table today. Of course, by the time you read this, I’ll be right back there. Yes, the Day Job remains horrible, which is one of the reasons I am writing to you today. It’s like anyone asking me there, “How are you?” I should say “Pissed” and then “Wait.” It’s only a matter of moments before THEY do something to fulfill such a prophecy. “Daddy, what about me?” I hear you, Braxton; I do, but like the novel, I’m writing. Nothing moves anymore, son.

If it hadn’t been 172 Days, I would think you left only yesterday. I was telling Dear Future Wife, the mom you’ll never get to know, that the tears I continue to shed are cleansing. Um, it’s like I’m in ice, nothing can get to me between, bed, boobs, and you B III it’s cold. Braxton sometimes, I melt, and I go everywhere. It’s as if I overflow, but then there’s not enough of me to fill up any glass. The bed’s not going anywhere, and neither are you. I miss being a monk; that’s how you always were, my Pancake. I haven’t eaten anything. I have to keep the cursor moving; I don’t want to fall even further behind. Trying, The Letter B Moves.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

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Fear, Failure, and other effing words wake me up more than any sort of joy. That joy, of course, had a name, Braxton. What do you call someone who loses? No, B III didn’t lose because when his life was over, who made that happen. Braxton Takes The L.

Saturday, July 17, 2021

Chronicle 016 ~Braxton Takes An L~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I’m still working at a loss with Braxton being gone. Live, Laugh, Love, not me.

I don’t Live because I’m afraid. Lady Luna, you don’t know how sick and tired I am. It’s being afraid every single day. Is today going to be one of THOSE days? Yes, I’m afraid so after yesterday. Oh, I gave it the good ole college try; when it came to the novel. 1400 words. It was the Day Job, Lu, but I suppose I should be grateful. Start every day with gratitude, THEY say. I didn’t have to walk to the Day Job, yet I spent the entire day terrified. You can’t have one without the other like always; stupidity and humanity, sigh, me. It’s the fact that I can’t do Drive-Thru Pick-Ups? How I closed the Online Pick-Up room to hide from people?

And THEY Laugh at my need for some Emotional Support. At least all the focus would have been on Braxton. I would Laugh at myself if I thought that any of this would get any better for me, Luna. Giving one customer their order isn’t some Twist In My Sobriety. A cure for my anxiety, No, I’m still sweating from the thought of it. I’m screwing up my Six Impossible Things because I need to feel good. What is it about laughter being the language of the soul? I swear I would sell mine, well what’s left, bringing back Braxton. M Anime lost all her texts, but somewhere I brought up live, laugh, love. I can’t stand that phrase, to be honest. But to Love…

What, again? Speaking of another book, The Bible. “The greatest of these is Love,” you know 1 Corinthians Faith, Hope, and Love. If I ever get married, I do plan on having that read. But then again, the “Greatest Love Of All” by Whitney Houston. I can’t feel it now.
Oh, I love Braxton. That never goes away. Only I don’t love myself, and that’s because of all this fear. If I can’t deal with one woman for two to five minutes. Hating the ASM. And I don’t know; the guilt, continuing for 167 Days. B III didn’t take an L; I gave him one. That’s because I wasn’t giving a FUCK about him or myself when it would’ve mattered. But Braxton Takes The L.

167 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 014 ~B III And More~

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Day XV now, and am I doing any better when it comes to my boy? I wouldn’t be asking that. If I had been 165 days ago? Yeah, Roman numerals aren’t my strong suit. I only needed to count to III before. Now I need 50,000 words for “B III And More.”

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Chronicle 014 ~B III And More~

165 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Sometimes I envy you not having to worry about what time it is, well until…

15 years 11 months. All you know is one day, there was a whole carton of fries for you and a bit of a burger. If your aunt was here, maybe she would make you a cake. Did I tell you I had lunch with her last week? I guess she didn’t want to make me too sad B III. That day she barely said your name Braxton, but I don’t blame her. As I said, you were a month shy of 16, and you would think I could give you this month. It was too fresh, last Camp NaNoWriMo, but I still got 50,000 words done. Now I’m lazy with 16 days to go. Braxton, I would apologize, but if I do that today…

Why only today? I have been telling you I’m sorry going on 165 Days with you gone. Hell 166 if we count the day that you left. I’m at the dining room table, and you’re not here, Braxton, on your pillow under it, waiting for me. What I wouldn’t give to speak to you B. Well, the COVID vaccine is free, or so I keep hoping. If I were to die… A dangerous concept I know, thinking about dying and all. Three needles helped you on your way, one to make sure, two to bring you peace, and the third sent you to the Rainbow Bridge. I got two Braxton. On that day, I said that “I got to Braxton.” I didn’t want your suffering.

You would have pretended always and forever if it stopped me from feeling this way. I’ve long since passed counting up the days from one stage of grief to the next. Only I’m never going to go into five. How could that ever be possible? Packing up your things B? Have you been watching me read The Man That Watched The World End? Ironic since I am that guy. You were about 79, and with how tired I’ve been, 82 sounds about right? Um, my point is, there is no way in Hell I could burn your stuff. B III they did burn you, yep. Wish I was there, Braxton. So yeah, another apology, how many is that which do nothing B III And More.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 009 ~To B So Well~

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Last week I spoke of being comfortable, and there’s a reason you shouldn’t check out WebMD. It gets in your head, and the next thing you know, you’re dying. No, only Braxton’s still gone. He got sick, and I’m not crazy, just unwell. To B So Well

Saturday, July 10, 2021

Chronicle 009 ~To B So Well~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford the best doctors. Do I feel sick? Not like that, Luna.

To think I got up while the moon was still high to get something done today. Hey, playing mobile games beats going back to sleep okay. Honestly, I’m still fighting it, but I have too much to do today. I would make a list but dammit those Six Impossible Things. Yes, today is Saturday, and yeah, I thought of one more thing I have to add to the list. Because I didn’t have enough faith in myself. I figured I wouldn’t finish one book. This evening I have to read a short story. That’s on top of finishing the novel; I know I can too. Now didn’t I say no list? Otherwise, I won’t get anything done. It’s not like I have a choice, right?

Is that the longest I’ve gone without mentioning Braxton? I guess I am sick, which makes today even more “important.” For days on end, I’ve been talking about receiving my second dose of the COVID-19 vaccine. See what I did there? I didn’t get flagged yesterday. Facebook, what do you think of that in comparison to Thursday? Anyway, I am a bit excited? I should be about lunch with Carolina Bound, but I got that new chicken sandwich from McD’s on Friday. Let’s say I may have to rework my novel, touting B III’s love of it. You can’t go around changing history; what am I, a Republican? My son is still dead. I can never forget. So what today’s needle might do to me?

I could be coming out of the “fatigue” I’ve been feeling these last few days, but I’ll never “Be Well.” The kind from Demolition Man with everything I’ve been doing. Braxton being gone… that’s crazy but nevertheless a fact. Again I’m not a Republican. Like the song goes, “But I’m not crazy, I’m just a little unwell.” There’s no medication. Wanting to die and going out of my way to make it happen are different things, right? I guess I’ll see soon enough with whatever this vaccination brings Lady Luna. Impossible now sounds like keeping it together during lunch today. If anyone might understand, it’s Braxton’s aunt. She has her stuff too, but she’s keeping it together. But Without Love Luna? To B So Well

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3N1MlvVc4

160 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 007 ~B’s Dead To Writes~

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VIII days into Camp NaNoWriMo, and yep, I’m writing about B III now. Well, damn, the last six months, and I’m already so far behind. The vaccine does cause fatigue, doesn’t it? I’m still alive, and with my second dose, who knows. “B’s Dead To Writes”

Thursday, July 8, 2021

Chronicle 007 ~B’s Dead To Writes~

158 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry for the title card if they ever make your story into a movie.

Your story or ours, in case you’re wondering where I’ve been today. 2,200 more words down, and I know you’re thinking to yourself, Daddy should be further along than this. Do you remember the last NaNoWriMo we did, and we stayed out in the chill? Well, I did, but you didn’t want to leave me alone out in the darkness but Braxton, writings my life? Then why was I at the Day Job when you needed me the most? I despise those people, and then I came back, told you to shush, and went to sleep. You stood guard always. Braxton, I don’t mean to be rehashing all this, but I was working on your novel again. It’s still untitled. Beyond Boys: Braxton Barks Bradford.

No disrespect to the LGBTQIA community (that’s a lot of letters, ain’t it)? Anyway, all my titles seem to come off as GAY. Speaking of not, I talked to your aunt a few days ago, B. Have you seen her?

The last time Carolina Bound was around, I ordered onion rings at lunch, and you were peeved; I didn’t bring you anything. It’s the little stories like that which might make a good book, Braxton. That’s if I ever get it done, and I will; it’s for you after all. So was the album I never finished, and what about my tattoo? Oh, I’ve had my run-in with needles B with COVID-19 and all. I’ll never forget that you saw me through what THEY think was the worse year. 2020

2021, the only year that beats the one I was born into. Who knows B III? In all honesty, I was hoping the vaccine would do its worst, poetic justice. I shouldn’t talk like that. Living, I am alive, more like existing. But you saved my life more times than I can remember. I wish you could tell me what you want from me. Every day I remember the vet and that look you gave me as they told me the worse news ever. Smarty-Pants. Braxton, you said, “I want to go home. Can we go home, Daddy?” I wrote my name, and you ended up in a box. Will a book be any better? My B’s Dead To Writes

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 002 ~How To B Comfortable~

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I have said that I have never been so comfortable, never slept so carelessly, and never known such courage as having Braxton watching over me. He would cuddle close at night, yet I wonder why without him, I’m so tired. How To B Comfortable.

Saturday, July 3, 2021

Chronicle 002 ~How To B Comfortable~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but will anything be as comfortable as Braxton’s fur. Does the Rainbow Bridge have comfy spots?

No matter how much sleep I get these days, I wake up tired. Do I blame the Day Job? I won’t go all Idiocracy. “I like money.” Only money makes us all comfortable, THEY say. It would be something if Braxton was still here. He had three beds of his own, and nine out of ten, he chose mine. Is that why I’m finding it almost impossible to leave myself? The couch isn’t doing me any favors either whenever I can reach it. As soon as I get up, I’ve told myself that I’m going to make the bed, surprising what a bladder can accomplish. B III and his walks. I would have been awake way before now, and I am wide awake; dubious reasons.

Let’s just say I broke one of my promises when it comes to Six Impossible Things. Dammit, those things are comfortable, which is why I’ve repeated publishing GULP two years. Always and forever, it seems like, but that only works if you’re talking about grief. I continue to count up the days. It’s been 153 days, and I didn’t even care to check my mail. We found a dog that matches you. At this rate, whoever they are is gone, but I’m not comfortable with the distinction of “murderer.” The only person saying that is me, and the truth hurts. It’s like sleeping on stones, sort of like a prisoner. After a time, you forget comfy beds, and the stone is all that you know.

Of course, my bed has not been the same since B III departed. I can change the sheets, which I’m still mad about. I can get another mattress, my sister’s old one, ain’t I pathetic. I can continue to drape myself in hoodies so I can survive the Day Job. Did I ever tell you it’s like Linus and his blanket? It’s summertime, and I’m freezing again, always and forever. I swear, I should have gotten Triple B, Emotional Support status because I was never braver than when it came to him. By making Braxton comfortable, I made myself too. You’re thinking, but why didn’t I buy him those doggie steps. Why aren’t I eating so well? Braxton, Babes, Bucks, knowing How To B Comfortable.

153 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 365 ~A Year B Longing~

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At the closing of the year… well, the blog year. To think I started this over a bitch four years ago and the last five months, I’ve been mourning over a son of a bitch. I am talking about my son. A Year B Longing, but I’ll finish his book this month.

Thursday, July 1, 2021

Gospel 365 ~A Year B Longing~

151 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I want to believe this day is monumental. I’ve been at this for four years.

Only this is the first one talking to you like this. It’s been five months, and to think, when I began, this was all over some bitch. Is that offensive, B? Seeing as how you were the son of some bitch I never met before, you became my boy. She was on the Rainbow Bridge. How I wonder what you told her about the family that took you in. What is there to say about your father? Do you even miss me at all? Fifteen years, four of them sitting here, holding you in my lap, watching you sleep on your pillow. Remember Outside, Inside. That would be my idea of Hell, you go out, you come in, and you never stay with me, B.

Today I’m hoping I’ve started my book for you. How many NaNoWriMo’s did you sit through, Camp and all? How do you think I learned to Time Travel so well, seeing how today is Sunday? I did picture a better life for us but seeing we’re talking now, I’m pissed.
It would always be something at the Day Job, talking to your granddad, or “I don’t know, it’s just the way I am.” To you, I was Daddy, and that will never change. You weren’t waiting for me to change but only to come home. I should’ve gotten here sooner. However, I was always stuck in the past. You saved me from the present, and I longed for the future. Not for me but you.

For four years, Braxton I had rules to get by with Lady Luna. I so hoped to obey them, ha. I talked to the woman I believed would be your future Mother, Dear Future Wife. Inspector Echo showed me I would know no greater sins or shame than losing us. Dammit, I killed again with Dirty Diana because I would rather talk to you, Braxton. Today I don’t want to be mad at myself. Well, not in failing to write your story B III, okay.
When I speak to Lady Sophia, Friday, I want to know that four years mattered. Preparation to honor you, Braxton Barks Bradford, the one I love more than anyone else.
I love writing. I love you. A Year B Longing

Always and Forever,
Your Dad