Tag: Rib

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

God is Love? I suppose if you look at it as a dog. But cats think they are gods… There are plenty who love… but “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I want to be a good man. A Man Provides, right? Love? B could do that. “Love… God, Braxton, Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I love money, right? In God We Trust. It’s written right there, my love.

“They say money is the root of all evil
but that’s the first place I read, in got we trust
Crazy ain’t it?” La Reina De Blanco, Single by Pitbull

My Love? As if I even deserve to sing Sia right now, Saturday, June 24, 2023. We could have all the money in the world, which wouldn’t change me. Well, not for the better. Then again, I was… am Braxton’s father. Not to go all Vin Diesel… however, “FAMILY.” My family, which was me and B. Our family, the two of us, the kids. And is V still around here somewhere? There are my friends, the businesses. The man in the mirror, my love? Not yet. And I don’t know if that will ever happen. That’s as much chance as me becoming a Christian man. But I still know a bit of the Bible. 1 John 4:8; near the end, it says, “God is love.”

Braxton is love. You are. Who knows; Virgil could be someday, God willing… Not funny. I don’t want to laugh today. I know I won’t be by the time you read this. Don’t need jokes. As LL Cool J said, “I Need Love.” And that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. Hell! It’s like this damn nail that I haven’t ripped off my thumb yet. Maybe? As the song goes, I believe I can see the future. “Cause I repeat the same routine.” Then I think about something like love. And that never stays the same; I’m afraid to say. The same goes for hate. Saving that for myself. Looking into the mirror, “I hate you so much right now. Aah!”

That’s why I have so much love around me. God’s Love. I’d know much more about Nayru’s Love from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (sigh) —something I love. Well, not video games so much anymore. But as if you haven’t had enough pop culture references from me this Saturday. How about 98 Degrees singing “I Will Still Love You.” My love for you grows every second, minute, hour, and day. Same for our kids, my firstborn… then there’s Virgil. You love me very much, my love. And the kids… as long as they don’t look at me like I do my father. It’s his birthday. But I won’t be saying I love him. “What Is Love?” You, family. Me? Love… God, Braxton, Virgil

877 Days Without B III, Day 318 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Pa’s thinking about paw prints. And putting on pause all the effed-up stuff he would like to do. But it’s only Tuesday, and this week isn’t getting better. Someone asked how my Father’s Day was. B’s gone, no baby mommas, V’s somewhere. “On Paws B, V”

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. One thing never on pause is, as the song goes, “Money making is a wonderful thing.

Pa will always provide because that is what a man does. A man provides, as I was telling M Anime today. As a matter of fact, that is what my business, any business is about. Always and forever, “I want the money, money, and the cars. Cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.” The things I shouldn’t be singing while married, huh? We’re still… Speaking of being a husband. What about me being a father, a pa, and a daddy? I don’t remember a lot from this weekend, to be honest. Does money make me a good one, hmm? From my employees in my line of work, I hear a lot of guys that pay to hear themselves called daddy. I have a family.

Paws. Yes, before you and our kids, there was my firstborn. My Braxton. I can still remember the last hug I gave him. Even now. I have a card and a cast of his final paw prints. And whenever I hear Virgil’s footsteps, I can forget sometimes. Minutes, a second? My son is gone, but I have to keep being a Dad. I don’t remember myself before my B III. Again we have our children, and I love them with everything I am. Unconditionally. But I’ve been reading “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.” And while I love my son, I think he’s like Peter Pan, and I’m a lost boy. He’d never grow up. And without him, well, I’m still so lost.

Pause. That has been my entire existence. Or the past 870 days. Only nothing ever stops. Does it? My heart is still beating. So I’m alive. And as long as I’m breathing, Braxton is too. Two. That’s how old Virgil is, in case I forget. And his “Gotcha Day” is coming up in a few months. I’ve been on pause getting everything I promised him and Braxton. Love is not something that should be paused, but spending money. What about us? “You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your own biology.” That’s Lord of War. Though I work more for life than death. Desire is desire. For you, baby girl. To love our family. Who I am On Paws B, V

870 Days Without B III, Day 311 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like, “Baby, baby, baby, no.” I don’t think I could be so “articulate” when Braxton was in my lap dying. And why am I complaining? A tummy ache, ear wax, and a few too many pills. Me and the boys… such babies. “Baby, Me, B, V.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides writing books. There are my “businesses.” And possibly bending… breaking… a few laws sometimes.

Not that I have been thinking much about that these days. Now sure. I’ve been crying about Braxton a little more than usual. 863 days and counting… I’m not ashamed. Billionaires are big babies for the most part. Only it’s not my sinning, my love. It’s sickness. And we’re a week in or out… I don’t know. Every day I feel a bit better. Hmm… Like one of my “stars,” I ask. How do you want me? And everything within me says that I have to be a man: a boss, a father, a husband. I wear so many hats or heavy the head that wears the crown, whatever. My love, I’m getting the whole “Lap Pillow” trope. Again it’s my firstborn, as always. Braxton.

B would lie in my lap often enough. I was on his approved list of comfy spots. And that’s when I would call him “Baby B.” Besides, when I’d walk in the house. “Just me, Baby B.” Or I would call him “You Big Baby.” No wonder he liked lying there as I petted him. Yeah, I’m getting lost in nostalgia a bit. A time when I felt well. Because yet again, this past week… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried out of pain. Hurting, sickness, everything. And rather than a pillow… What kind of man am I that wants to be babied? I want to crawl into your lap for a while. Weak, weird? “Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.”

“To Be A Man,” oh “My Love.” “My love, leave yourself behind. Beat inside me, leave you blind,” Would you sing to me? Hell! Can I hear you at all, Baby girl? Today I know I ain’t going to sleep for a bit. I’ve had my first energy shot in days (sigh). Not that I’m going to be any more of a man right now. From my stomach to my ear, and now the rest of my damn head. And did I forget all of the pills that I’ve been taking? Hmm? All I want to hear is, “Poor, sweet baby. Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby.” Or to see my Baby B. Or feel like your man, baby. But I’m all… Baby, Me, B, V

863 Days Without B III, Day 304 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“Stand By Your Man,” “I’m Still Standing.” Knowing “after you’ve done all you can. You just stand.” My playlist as I ask, “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” As I lie here thinking of my son and my troubles. I’ll B Standing Virgil

Tuesday, June 6, 2023

Saga 340 ~I’ll B Standing Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But if dollars could have saved Braxton… Or with all my sins? And with everything wrong.

That I love my firstborn son as much as you, our two-legged kids, Virgil? I’m iffy about myself. And I always will be. But at least I can stand facing the man in the mirror. Inevitable with me being a husband, father… Hell! Being a man. For you? Always trying. But again, 856 days in. It’s like whenever I have to talk to my Old Man, “It’s Time for War.” I wish I could look to Braxton and again ask, “Do you love me, brother? Will you protect me from any enemy?” Okay, or sit on the couch with him and watch Troy. To stand? That’s not something I’ve wanted to do for a while. But “a man provides” always. Though today’s another day and…

Well, I don’t want to get up, my love. Oh, getting it up is no question. Hell! Have you seen yourself in the mirror today? I look at everything that makes us money. My business. What leads me into trouble? What might have me on the stand someday in a court of law, my love? Um, besides the fact that I’m a black man. A reason to get out of this bed. Instead of binging on Youtube again. But if I am going to be here, we could be doing something more interesting. Oh yeah! Enjoying my existence, my life. Because if something were to happen to me. I always worried that it would be a criminal act that would take me away from Braxton.

Wasn’t it, though? I killed him. I know you can’t stand me saying that. He can’t, either. I know it. Is it any better to say (sigh)? I believe he can talk to me now. Speaking of a time for war. This morning I heard him sing “It’s My Turn To Fly.” Singing to Braxton. Can you stand my voice at all? Like how I stand Virgil being so close to me. I pushed him to the foot of the bed this morning. I would have done the same to Braxton if I had found you before he passed. I’m sure. Can you stand all my grieving? If you couldn’t, love… But you stand, sit, uh ooh sex me up. Someday. I’ll B Standing Virgil.

856 Days Without B III, Day 297 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will