Tag: Shut Up

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

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I never wanted to be a president or king. There was a time I wanted to be Dennis Hof, minus the GOP. But as Malcolm X put it, “I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: a black man. Trite, considering. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

Saturday, May 6, 2023

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be guilty as sin but with enough paper… meaning green, not white.

I could use both; to be honest, I could use both. Seeing as how I haven’t been feeling well this week. I need to see a doctor. But considering the last few attempts. I get what I effing deserve! Lunalesca, who am I, the Joker? I’ve said it a few times. The comedian is dead. And yet my entire existence… So I won’t hold my breath on Trump ever facing punishment. And King Charles III Coronation is going on today. They say, heavy the head that wears the crown. Hell! Unlike Trump, I have a conscience. And the crowns I have been seeing, uh? Better not to say. But my head hurts, amongst other things? Braxton is dead. I yelled at a friend. The Day Job sucks. So, I’m guilty.

What did I do wrong? Lunalesca, I could name any number of things. Waking up. Honestly, one of the Revenge of the Nerds movies says it better… you were born. That’s enough. I’m sorry I’m so down this morning. If only I got up late again today. But my punishment or mistake? I don’t even know (sigh). The fact is I want to sleep, Lunalesca. But there is my charge. Virgil Vivi Bradford. He’s been getting worse… more scared, Lu. Like father, like son? But he’s not my son. Lunalesca, Virgil will never be Braxton. Lunalesca, am I the bad guy, an effing asshole, or have I forgotten. Virgil leads Dante through Hell. Dante never speaks Virgil’s name, though. Is It A Crime? Everything is.

Yet I look into the mirror; “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Again you can talk to Carolina about that. I mentioned her birthday. $50.00 and naked pictures. Lunalesca? There was a time I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Am I guilty of another betrayal? How treacherous am I? That honor belongs to Braxton. And to end such beauty. I’m repeating myself because, again, what happened yesterday. I’m woke. Standing up for what’s right for people. “Chinky” is not a nice word. Fetishizing Asians? I’ve been doing that with one woman in particular. Effing Instagram. But then B’s Aunt. Her getting laid because of me? Talk about some atonement. But all my sins… charges? Life. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

825 Days Without B III, Day 266 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

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I didn’t understand love until Braxton, really… Let me add another word to that, awesome. Awesome was sitting in bed doling out fries to B. It was him sitting on the corner of the bed as I napped. It was being healthy. Someday Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would be awesome. It wouldn’t matter the clock, the crime… this isn’t Australia…

See, or better yet, the C word I wanted to use there. I have all the respect in the world for women. But that doesn’t make me a good man. Or even a man at all, no matter how I try. “My life” ha-ha, my existence is Shiitake mushrooms. And yes, Lady Lunalesca, I did look up are Shiitake mushrooms good for dogs? Because it always comes back to Triple B. “Aaugh!” I would go all FML but no. I continue to exist. Braxton was effed over having me as a friend, father, and freeloader when it came to all his love, Lunalesca. What does all this mean? Hell! Not a damn thing, I know. But the first word that came to mind today… Awesome.

Yeah, I fell asleep during meditation. Relax, Lunalesca, I was supposed to. If I wasn’t going so broke at the end of this month. I am inclined to buy the full service? With a Happy Ending? Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a massage, right? Thirty-eight years and I’ve never had one. And I wouldn’t even have to be a billionaire, Luna. Certain celebrities? Lunalesca, I’m trying to avoid looking them up. Or even something simple as, Happy Tugs. The things in this world that I find awesome. Haven’t I always said that everything I want is Impossible, Inane, Insane… Illegal. Lady Lunalesca, God gave me everything I want. Nope! Not yet. Why not? But you know what? Having Braxton Barks back. Now that would be awesome.

“Everything Is Awesome!!!” But the question is when. What about how or why, Lady Lu? If, as Aloe Blacc sang, “Life’s a game made for everyone.” Let’s start. Easy Level. Lady Lunalesca, (sigh) Virgil would get off my leg. My only reason for getting out of bed today, I swear—another lie. I should get a haircut, go shopping, and keep myself alive for B. Yeah, I said B and not V. And did I say easy? I can’t say what I mean, Lunalesca, ever? How I hope that is a lie. Like I tell myself every time I crawl into bed. I’ll take a nap, or I won’t have to get up at all. In-between, Eff, I mean, uh, Awesome. Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

818 Days Without B III, Day 259 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 295 ~To B Thirty-Nine Virgil~

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V handles his shi… his business better than me. The vet says he’ll continue to at the tune of $125. But then the termite guy wanted $189. And as V “runs” to me, where did I run to… Some man, I am at 38. Yet I want a family. “To B Thirty-Nine Virgil.”

Saturday, April 22, 2023

Saga 295 ~To B Thirty-Nine Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… well, no. Neither am I thirty-nine at the moment. Or proud of myself? Love Virgil? Happy?

Hell! Today will sound like it’s for Inspector Echo. To wake up humiliated, Lady Lunalesca. I had a nightmare about what happened at the Day Job Thursday. Facts Luna, like this one. (Sigh), my son is dead. But Banfield called to check up on 2V today. No, that’s not a dig. They would check on B III all the time as well. Love, business, everything in between? B was/is my business. So where’s his novel, Lunalesca? You’re not Mary J. Blige telling me, “Why won’t you grow up and be a man someday.” I always say something to the tune of “Not Today.” We’ll get into not having a family after all this time. “What do we say to the God of Death? Not today.”

But at thirty-eight, what have I done with this existence? Notice I don’t want to say “my life.” I’m glad I’m listening to a meditation. Yeah, I’d be all into Jon Bon Jovi, you know. “It’s My Life.” One of my rules Lunalesca. Number Fifteen, I Take My Own Lumps. Lunalesca, you want to know what that means to me? Manhood, I suffer, fight, and love. Today, tomorrow, however many days I got left, I believe the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. The effing GOP? Or they want all women to be mothers and nothing more. It’s no secret I want a family. I’m paying $115.00 to ensure Virgil Vivi stays alive and well, $10.00 more in Braxton’s memory. I am taking care of business.

Remember the termite guy that “stole” that Bow from me during the inspection? Eff me! Anyway. So I, a thirty-eight-year-old man. I went and begged my “daddy” for compensation. And let’s not mention the lights, the water, the whole damn house! Lunalesca, I keep food on the table for V and me. There are the clothes on our backs, aren’t there, Lunalesca? I keep the car running. Not paid for, but it keeps going. I’m still alive. The Cherry Collision. and The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? Lunalesca? Veterinarians ain’t cheap, but a bit less than keeping myself healthy. A man provides, Lu. I got access to sexy things and what’s dangling between my legs. Yet Braxton was/is the best man ever. To B Thirty-Nine Virgil

811 Days Without B III, Day 252 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

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I wonder how most adults do it. No, not that! I had Virgil kick me out of bed. I went and meditated. 2V went outside to handle business. I had some coffee (cappuccino), whatever. And bought food instead of boobs. Now writing? B, My Motivation, Virgil

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or I should be by now, seeing I’m almost thirty-nine. Emergence Day is several months off.

And I will cry over that with a steak and lobster on that day. But as usual, I want to cry over Braxton. You see what time it is, Lady Lunalesca? I’ve only sobbed once so far. And yes, a bit of it was about Braxton as I looked at the backyard today. Virgil… complaining? Well, he should. But once again, I let him drive me from the bed. I’d call him a thief. But haven’t I stolen his chance at a much better life? Lunalesca, are the Rebeccas terrible. Please! They love pets enough to be at PetSmart every Saturday looking for good homes. And yet my motivation was to get Braxton out of this place. Dare I say, where I am, was home?

Lu, this is the part where I’d play “A Place Called Home.” Or should I give you a taste of Vietnam, Lunalesca? “We Gotta Get out of This Place?” My writing? I need to write. That’s what I’ve been feeling. Because every day I have to head to the Day Job. It’s like I’m going to war. Madness, Sadness, Fearfulness, take your pick Lunalesca. Three? Lunalesca, if you’re talking about threesomes. And I’m a bit sorry that I’m going to. Cherry hates it. Oh! How I wish I didn’t care so much about sex, either. Talk about a driving force. Do you remember when I was all into the Marquis de Sade? I still am. Lunalesca, anything that keeps me in bed… Is that motivating?

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

It’s not like I’m thinking about love at the moment. Money? How much writing do I have to do, Lunalesca? I gave up a day off to go and make more of it. Pittance but dollars. More like “Dollar dollar bill, y’all,” as the kids say. Lunalesca, this morning (sigh). How much did I spend on groceries? Before that, it was my second account. And let’s remember Amazon. Hell! Even more books. And then I have a cart full of sex toys and the sickness. Luna, I haven’t mentioned The Cherry Collision. Or The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident in a while. Keeping myself alive and out of trouble? For now, it’s questioning is Virgil, Braxton’s voice, or strange girls’ vaginas motivating? B, My Motivation, Virgil

804 Days Without B III, Day 245 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 281 ~B Shutting-Up Now V~

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Isn’t it ironic? THEY say I need to talk more. I know I need to shut up. I listened to them, and then… Surprise, surprise, I was right. The only thing I’ve ever been right about. Every day I question my decision on B. Then V? B Shutting-Up Now V

Saturday, April 8, 2023

Saga 281 ~B Shutting-Up Now V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be as loud as I want. But THEY say… Succeed in silence?

I’m sure I read that in a book somewhere. B III might know, being that’s pretty positive, so I’d read out loud. Reading isn’t the same without him. Existing isn’t the same. Hell! I could come back, and he’d cuddle up close, and I’d shut-up and shut-out the world, Lu. Books weren’t so much for shutting me up but, again, for the world. I’ve always wanted to say (and yet I haven’t). If I had to talk to people every day, there’d be nothing but swears. Some might prefer that. Better than asking women, “Would you give me oral pleasure?” We’ll get to that, Lady Lunalesca; yesterday’s news. I’m not learning any history, Mr. GOP. If I could treat everything like the Day Job. FUCK!

And you know how I have turned to the word effing Lady Lunalesca. Like my effing son is dead, he’s the main reason I won’t shut-up. I miss My Braxton. And even with the book I’m reading this week. I have never gone to Acceptance. And I never will, Lunalesca. If it’s not sadness, it’s RAGE. Every day I come down more and more on the side of the Infected. 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, The Last of Us, Patient Zero, shall I continue. Lunalesca, that’s the problem. It could be why I watched movies with Braxton’s aunt, ha. I don’t hate her for moving away. And for the record, I don’t hate any woman. Some I dislike. Like a lot, a lot. Hate…

Oh, I hate plenty of things. But I’m trying Lady Lunalesca. As I told Cherry yesterday, I’ve started meditation. I need to do it more in the AM than at night. Too many people, Virgil. Now he makes me want to scream. It’s not the same. And V’s quitter than B. No wonder I’m still trying to figure him out. Plus, he sleeps, and I’m plenty lazy, you know, Lunalesca. Except for one thing… I wrote a rule, the second rule. “You Are Not A Caveman.” But when I’m moaning and groaning. At the very least, I’m not saying or writing anything STUPID or sharing it as I did with Cherry, Braxton’s Aunt, or M Anime. Braxton’s dead, Virgil’s quiet. Me? B Shutting-Up Now V.

797 Days Without B III, Day 238 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Lesson 223 ~SORRY, In Capital Letters~

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Not for all the tea in China, see even that makes me feel like I owe an apology, but nobody is getting one unless they have four legs and fit snuggly in my bed or two and some good assets, then I’m sure I’ll know one word. “SORRY, In Capital Letters”

Friday, February 9, 2018

Lesson 223 ~SORRY, In Capital Letters~

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, talk about job security, I never love anybody so that’s why I am perpetually in business and what about that account for my day job? Something I’m going to have to confess to Inspector Echo. My how I hate wasting words, a genocide of thought and I love writing and for that I’ll repeat it, I’m sorry.

Ironically probably my grandest love at the moment which of course is my dog, can’t read and as much as he tilts his cute little head, he doesn’t understand the word. In truth with all of my writing starting from my name to this moment I’m still trying to understand anything and everything. It might explain my depression and why I haven’t been writing because no one wants to comprehend not even me and as much as I wish I could say I’m beyond description, I’m not worth it sometimes.

“Shut up or die…” Pontypool

If anything Lady Sophia that’s been the lesson for this whole godawful week, shut up or become one of them, the infected cretins always just vomiting out whatever is right at the time. Fine, okay, happy, here’s something else I would never say, Trump is a genius, he may be a moron and say some horrible things but the thing about it is, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass what he says. He never says he’s sorry but what does that mean, how does Trump feel about the American people, if he can scream his thoughts to the world “honestly.”

You know something, I think Love Story (1970) has it wrong, love means always having to say you’re sorry, again I’m forever apologizing to the dog, but I didn’t say it at work. I don’t say it to my family, hell I know a woman that loves me, but I don’t tell her I’m sorry. Talk about being a hypocrite; I started this thinking I’m always offering up apologies but other than to my dog who else is there, me and of course Inspector Echo.

My lack of writing might mean that I finally don’t love myself to try and save myself anymore with my words, but that won’t do at all will it? Would it help if I told you I’m sorry, would it help if I wrote it down a hundred times just like I Will Have No Fear, what will it take for me to listen, listen, hear, and understand this one word SORRY, In Capital Letters?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

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I wear my heart on my sleeve they say but nobody saw a thing, here I am supposedly trying to speak up and at the same time be invisible but which do you think I chose today? “The Black Suits Comin’” the government, the mourners, the gravediggers heh?

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Lesson 081 ~The Black Suits Comin’~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, no tears, some dirt but at least I’ve stopped burying myself, I sort of had to or else I would be getting no sleep tonight, I had things to deal with. I always feel like I’m repeating myself but “Every Day Is Exactly The Same” and on that note have I ever told you I’m not a prophet and then there are nights like last.

“I am not a prophet, but sometimes I have prophetic dreams, like the one where I was at a garden party.” Huey Freeman, The Boondocks

Didn’t I say something about paranoia or maybe I have something like a “God Complex” and I’m not even sure what that is in the traditional sense but all writers think themselves God at one moment or another. It’s more a “Messiah Complex” with Braxton around, haven’t I talked about being the villain, more often than not but when it comes to a couple of pounds of fluff, I’m a hero every day. Now, what was the point I was trying to make… okay, I believe that someone always has their eyes on me even when this morning I was more so trying to embrace the idea of being invisible.

I mean you can’t fire an invisible man can you but on the same token I could have had the week off from work but the squeaky wheel gets the grease as they say, so much for being invisible. So what led to this, the lesson, before I woke up this morning, I think I was dreaming or I was half awake, I’m not sure, it’s five minutes before the alarms start buzzing and my body is on edge. Anyway, the only part I remember is one of the managers told me I had to talk to “Big Brother” because I was under investigation about something, have you been blabbing?

“You know when you have a dream and you’re half-awake, but still in the fringe of your brain, and when you open your eyes you’re so damn glad it was a dream?

This was nothing like that.” Wesley, Wanted (2008)

Isn’t that the whole point, to be seen, and why do I find black so ominous and so comforting at the same time Lady Lu, it explains why I like my women wearing bright colors though I like a woman that would match me too. How does the story end; I go and talk to “Big Brother” about being on the schedule and chances are I will end up working next week but at least I still have my job.

So what have I learned today, keep my mouth shut, I’m so busy trying to avoid being seen that I put myself out there and now The Black Suits Comin’?

Troubling Twenty to Tango

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I was pretty angry at a beautiful person at first and I was about to you some pretty foul language at the start “BUT” then I thought a bit better of it, not the underlying problem though. Troubling Twenty to Tango… they say it takes twenty seconds ha

And I will see you in twenty
If I were only that eager
Why don’t I figure it out in guts
or any number of buts
which grow ever so meager
It’s only not funny
as I’ve been pegged
one ain’t too proud to beg

Now I ask for what
Because it’s never enough
Yet they call me the seeker
Maybe I’m ugly
tripping over my own two legs
like I just finished a keg
okay two but you know something
you’re the disease, the virus, the fever

So what I’m not a believer
In you’ll see
Without pictures or Mpegs
Even if I throw up my eggs
My courage with overcome any
And all anxiety… eh I’m a dreamer
Sot guess what
You won’t ever tell me to shut up

Ever again

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