Tag: Therapy

Saga 072 ~Better B’s Advice V~

WillLeave a comment

King Ezekiel was just “Some Guy” in The Walking Dead. And let’s not forget “Sum Dum Goy” in “The Last Dragon.” And speaking of remembering, Tuesday, September 11, 2001, “9/11.” Yet if I could give myself any advice on existence… “Better B’s Advice V”

Sunday, September 11, 2022

Saga 072 ~Better B’s Advice V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you wouldn’t listen to a preacher anyway. A motivational speaker? Your father? You’d be dead already.

Well, that’s one thing that isn’t going away at the start of the week. The memory as to why either. Drinking, doing drugs, or your dick sucked wouldn’t help the overall problem, so why bother? You’re being STUPID! Hell! You’ll get only peer pressure in the mirror and Virgil Vivi’s eyes. No, you’re not there with him yet. Looking into his eyes and seeing who you want to be, ha. Funny that a long time ago… What? Braxton’s been gone 588 days. Virgil’s first month. Anyway, I made a list of things I learned from Triple B and then lost it. The only man worth listening to, and you don’t have his words anymore. What can Virgil say with nearly 30 days; Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Title The Dog Under The Bed, DJ Cowdall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing A Shopping Trip To Help Virgil Vivi Stay Cool
    Completed
  3. I WILL BE Making An Attempt At Getting Anything Published To Make Some Cash
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VIGILANT For Sexual Endeavors, For E-Day, Somehow, Someway
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUED If Only To Myself By Finding A Prize E-Day
    Completed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, So I Maybe The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is it honest to say I did three of these things? If anything, you’re as confused as Virgil is right now. And getting as scared again. As V’s coughing fits have returned, so what now? I know last week was all about not learning from the past. A year of advice, experience, and learning for what? To be 38 and sound more and more like some emo teen every day. If you had your way, you’d go back to the day when you read the Basic Bitch’s words. Eek! What did I talk about earlier this week? A list of the worst days? Another list

  1. Braxton’s Death
  2. E- Day
  3. Tifa’s Mature Dress/Zoe Colletti, January 11, 2022
  4. Lesson 001 July 2, 2017

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Dog Under The Bed 2 by DJ Cowdall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book… SOON
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

While we’re on the subject of bad days and things you won’t be doing, like being a better American… Tuesday, September 11, 2001. Twin Towers, The Pentagon, Senior Year, yep. What about being a better friend? We could talk about Virgil being in his own room at the moment. Because being around you… Talk about seeing anxiety. V’s learned much. What can I tell you to do? I know what I want to say, but it involves closing your eyes. You could always go back to sleep. I finished a week of blogging because this week is going to suck. You could catch your breath after your toes curl or why bother at all, hmm? Breathing is so overrated. But Virgil? Better B’s Advice V

588 Days Without B III, Day 029 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

WillLeave a comment

What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 065 ~Heat’s On B, V~

WillLeave a comment

The Heat Is On, the song goes. While I deserve it… well, until I sojourn in the ninth circle for what happened to B III. Virgil, I’m sure, is burning up in his fur coat. And here I am burning through cash. I’m no FAN of this existence. Heat’s On B, V

Sunday, September 4, 2022

Saga 065 ~Heat’s On B, V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m in trouble. The bad news is, so are you. Without money to fix it…

To be fair, I couldn’t get off my ass Saturday to try and make you more comfortable. So, I’m sorry. It’s called Clash At The Castle. For you, it will be Worlds Collide. Funny with how much you pay attention to wrestling, ha-ha. And now this has become so important. Hell! It could be that you don’t want Virgil to suffer alone. At least you can take your shirt off while he’s stuck in his fur coat. You’ve even damned Braxton to Hell on occasion. Considering it’s where you’re ending up. Fuck! You feel like one of those ass clowns that leave their fur babies in a hot car. Only here, you are too STUPID to know how to open a window. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Dante’s Inferno… Could Be
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, right now, you’re more like Mad Max. “So I exist in this wasteland, reduced to one instinct: survive.” You even think of yourself as a man! No. Picture Ellie from The Last of Us, “Endure and Survive.” That would be acceptable if it were only you but Virgil. He doesn’t deserve this. Virgil deserves air conditioning and a proper bed. A goddamn fan, for God’s sake. And, of course, you found one way to keep Braxton pretty cool. Remember. Low blow! I apologize. Trying to keep yourself cool with the memory of your Treachery. But besides your environment, there is so much to be heated about. And with what is coming this week. Talk about drawing the short straw. And these Six Impossible Things:

SPECIAL EDITION: Emergence, Existence Week

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Something To Be Determined…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing A Shopping Trip To Help Virgil Vivi Stay Cool
  3. I WILL BE Making An Attempt At Getting Anything Published To Make Some Cash
  4. I WILL BE VIGILANT For Sexual Endeavors, For E-Day, Somehow, Someway (Sigh)
  5. I WILL BE VALUED If Only To Myself By Finding A Prize E-Day
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, So I Maybe The Man My Son Thinks I Am

For a minute there, or should I say an hour? You thought you got lucky. So I forgot to set the alarm, and you spent that hour in blissful ignorance. Sue me. So then you could afford a way to keep Virgil and yourself cool. I did the math yesterday, and it’s not looking good. But this big week is like that. Even the Hell, which is the Day Job, has AC. Now that’s sad. As much as we all deserve punishment, Virgil does not. You were up at two AM when he started to cry, and you brought him under the fan that’s been spinning nonstop for a week. All so I could write these words that should be burned. Heat’s On B, V

581 Days Without B III, Day 022 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

WillLeave a comment

“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 058 ~B Counting On V~

WillLeave a comment

“You can count on me.” B never had to say it. And Virgil is counting the days he’s been here. Fifteen, and they’re only getting longer with this horrible week. Sundays, blah! It once was church; now, it’s the day B died. And here’s V. B Counting On V

Sunday, August 28, 2022

Saga 058 ~B Counting On V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Meanwhile, what happened to remembering the Sabbath day and keeping it holy? For God? Dog named Braxton.

And what about Virgil? The fact that you’re being “forced” to look at yourself today? Hell! Virgil has had to look at you for fifteen days. Has he succumbed to “The horror… the horror…” that is now your existence? What a way to begin the week. But you’ve known worse. I’m not going to tell you to stop doing “that.” Like Virgil and all his hacking fits. Your boy, your best friend, little Braxton, is dead. Well, he died on a Sunday. What do you know now? You gave up a day’s pay to stay here and look at yourself. Pathetic, wasteful. We have yet to see this Thursday, August 25, 2022. They’re coming to fix the air conditioner or not. Not paying that again.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Animal Reincarnation & Animal Life After Death, Brent Atwater
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That’s how you know it ain’t love yet. If it were only you, better to burn, am I right (sigh)? But if Braxton were here, you would do anything to make him more comfortable. If you must suffer, why not Virgil? B III was one to ride or die. Fuck, how he proved that today. On a Sunday, 574 days ago. And for 15 years, 11 months, you would have taken his place without question. Love at first sight, but how much did you have to give him at once? With Virgil, it is all or nothing. “It hurts my heart,” you said when you left him the first time. And it stopped your heart when you held him the first time. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Dante’s Inferno… Could Be
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Yeah, you talked to Triple B, seeing what day it is. He helped you remember. But what about Virgil? How many breaths, beats of your heart, and but I’m tired have there been since he got here? All within 15 days? How many times have you gone back and forth… he’s B, he’s V, hold him always, send him back? Tell me, do you know the score? With B, why keep track? Virgil’s bowls of food and water. There have been several accidents. Not nine? Remember, though; there are nine circles of Hell. You should read Dante’s Inferno, you think. Not that you’ll have that sort of time this week. Time to exist? Isn’t that what Virgil should be helping with? B Counting On V.

574 Days Without B III, Day 015 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

WillLeave a comment

First class grade A… now, I know that doesn’t sound like me. A loser? B didn’t think so. See, I should stop saying it. Destroying myself writing things like this. Fury has no other outlet, though. V’s been here 14 days, and I’m failing V’s No Grade B

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I couldn’t care less how that makes me look as a human being. An asshole?

Can’t say I know the wealthy, well-off, or wantonly wasteful people in this existence, ok? As is becoming routine, my son. B III is priceless. Only do I treat him as such? Even with my memories of him? There haven’t been many this week. And dare I imagine why Lu. Now I won’t compare V to B, Lady Lunalesca. We’re two weeks in Lu, and I still don’t know who I’m talking to. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway! I was saying that a lot yesterday. Anyway, at least Virgil isn’t hacking quite as much. If there is anything, I don’t need more of… FEAR. Could I afford a doctor for Little V? I couldn’t afford one for myself. Being honest. My health grade… a D.

Must I always be thinking with my dick? Hell! I already failed this week, Lunalesca. Inevitable, was it not? But besides being horny, there’s been the heat and this hatred. These days if it hasn’t been watching for the next person to fuck me over… I make myself sound oppressed, the ideal Republican. Or what the GOP thinks about a guy like me, Lunalesca. I don’t mean to get all political today. As usual, I’m too busy being a selfish bastard to worry about the rest of the world outside. I’m tired, fucking exhausted, Luna. Ask me why I’m sitting at the dining room table again today. Besides the A/C… I paid for it and have cut it off. Waking up, an A for anger.

And after dicking around for an hour… it’s 5:50 in the morning now. I have witnessed how much of a failure I am as a human being. An F for Friday and another now, and the day has yet to begin. I’m hoping my “father” forgot about me but did that work at all Friday? So what’s the plan for today? Finances, I doubt I have time for furries, Virgil being the exception. Not that I could buy him anything even if I wanted to. Oh, next week is fucked. Anything to start putting some funds back, the pittance they are. Is writing fun? But over the next week, all there will be is FURY. My sons are better men. Virgil… V’s No Grade B

573 Days Without B III, Day 014 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

WillLeave a comment

008 days in, 567 without B and Virgil and I are all “your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.” Not better than the WB. The network and me and B. And now I turn the channel to V… I write the script of my life… “Watch The WB V.”

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if you ever “get on my level,” you’ll have your own network or streaming service, right?

But “Neva Eva” with you sleeping all morning? Do I blame you or me for that? I went to bed, but you were the one who was dreaming. You dreamed about B III surprise, surprise. A bald-faced lie and then not. Care to explain? Hell! You should call it a nightmare considering where it began… the Day Job. So you’re trying to help some old couple that’s come into the store. And not some random people but the husband and wife from the movie X (2022 film), Howard and Pearl. Of course, your biggest fear is stupidity (cue the vacuums). As you’re trying to help, they freeze. That’s it. They stop moving, alive but unresponsive like from The Great De-evolution. Speaking of, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Gone Dogs, Jim Mitchem
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure in life but in dreams but continuing. So there’s no one around to tell about Howard and Pearl. And even if there was, would you? You begin finding all these giant furry stuffed animals to cover them. It doesn’t matter how many toys you have. It never seems quite right. Howard and Pearl get discovered, and your coworkers ask, “who would do such a thing? Why did they cover this up?” Inevitably Humiliations Galore. Only what does the dream mean? What are you covering up with fur-baby Virgil today? But that’s the thing it’s not only him but B III if they are not one in the same, correct? Howard represented the past. What he was saying to Pearl. “My heart!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Animal Reincarnation & Animal Life After Death, Brent Atwater
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Pearl is all about dreams. There’s the fact Mia Goth, who played Pearl, also was Maxine Minx. Dual-roles. Pulled in two directions. Howard and Pearl’s freezing means you’re stuck. Now all the stuffed animals are Braxton/Virgil. You’re trying to cover yourself. But there is never enough. There’s always something. People witness your treachery. Network TV at its finest. It’s like my whole damn life was some script, and yours will be as well unless you do something about it. Are you going to see a doctor this week? Sometimes I do offer some practical advice, I suppose, ha. But dog training? How about keeping your dick in your pants? That’s not my forte. You’ll burn out like The WB long ago. Watch The WB V

567 Days Without B III, Day 008 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

WillLeave a comment

When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve cried a bit and wanted to vomit. Virgil’s cried once and has hacked anytime I’ve touched him. We didn’t eat dinner, and both of us got fences up. Well, one is blocking the stairs. He’s yet to approach mine. How’d Dante do it? You’ll B My Virgil.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? Well, what are you, not exactly a father or a friend? Fuck-up? A dog owner?

Now let’s be clear, considering this is something I did yesterday. So yeah, this is my fault. And you’re living with the consequences of my actions. Literally! A dog is living in the next room, scared to death. You’re in the same state. I owe you a huge apology even after I said this yesterday:

“Dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time.” Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Here I go spending $150 on a Chihuahua mix. Sweet Buttery Jesus, what have I done? Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Until we Meet Again
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I read these things every single week, as you will and what happens? Nothing! Now I want to go all Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a. Tiffany Maxwell screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs!” That’s what I did in my head at PetSmart yesterday while texting Braxton’s Aunt. First, there were the colors. I had a thought that said Braxton couldn’t make this more black and white for me. And Virgil has flecks of brown around his face that got to me, ha. Now I’m no numerology expert but let’s do the math. Virgil is one year and six months. That’s 545 days, give or take. B III died on January 31, 2021, 13 days from his 16th birthday. Meaning Virgil’s Birthday… Monday, February 15, 2021. Oh, and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Still To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of the impossible. You haven’t had Virgil a full 24. You’re still trying to convince yourself. Ok, reincarnation, 15 days. Braxton was 15 years old. Is this a coincidence? Braxton had a heart murmur; Virgil’s been treated for having heartworms. Braxton wasn’t eating or drinking at the end; I have not seen Virgil eat or drink anything since he arrived. He’s been quiet, laying on Braxton’s pillow. Note; he’s going to need a bed and a collar. I couldn’t get his harness back on, and the collar they gave was too small. Taking him outside, I used B’s oldest one. Fit like a glove, but sacrilege, if anything. And you just want to cry and possibly vomit. But he’s here. You’ll B My Virgil.

560 Days Without B III, Day 001 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

WillLeave a comment

THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will