Tag: Unwritten

Tale 177 ~Hurts When You Hurt Somebody~

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Merry Christmas? And we’re celebrating? Someone born to save us. And as for myself… The gift of noise to the neighbors with the fans running? “Kibble” for Virgil. And turning on a light, ah, my Olds. Pain’s my gift. Hurts When You Hurt Somebody.

Monday, December 25, 2023

Tale 177 ~Hurts When You Hurt Somebody~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… Like the one saying Happy Holidays over Merry Christmas. Or whatever, sigh. Oh, and Merry Christmas, Madam.

“It’s how I was raised; the OGs had me.” Or more like my Olds, right? What? Did you think Virgil and I would be listening to Christmas music today? Hell! At this very moment, it’s Saturday, December 23, 2023. Fortunately, I haven’t “hurt” any person… Humanity… But I love my Braxton and, like Virgil, more than most people. And you always hurt the (ones) you love/like. And that’s what I’m pondering on Christmas Day, Madam.

Again, it’s the 23rd, and what have I done for 2V now? Oh yeah, food, water, outside time, and I don’t know how long that’ll last. Look at the floor, dear Madam. There’s no money.

The 25th? There are no presents. No special meal. How about an I love you?

At least I can’t hurt Braxton with that anymore. The last time I’m sure he heard me say that was on Sunday, January 31, 2021. Now, that’s a day worth remembering. No matter how much it hurts, Madam. Again, on the 23rd and 25th of December, what a waste, Madam.

A waste that started all the way back on E-Day. Who knows? By the time you see this, Madam. The Grim Reaper instead of Santa could have visited me. But Santa could always bring Hemlock instead of Mistletoe. Medicated for your protection, indeed, I wish

Because with everyone that I’ve hurt on the daily… Hell! With me sitting here powering God knows what devices. All those fans were blaring downstairs for what? One day’s silence?

I should have been on Saturday, August 13, 2021. That would have given V a chance at a better life. They say that euthanasia is the last gift of love. But I’ve never believed that with B III. So rescue is the first gift of love. I don’t believe that with V. No, that was commendation. A sign should be over the door: “Abandon all hope ye who enter here.”

The entrance to Hell, right? All Halloweeny or close. With Virgil’s birthday being October 20, 2020. One way he’s a better man/male than me. Virgil values his life on Christmas.

And he’s not hurting anyone. The source of my pain, knowing that I do. And, like the fans, how do I stop it? I could celebrate Christmas and Easter… God, how many holidays can pass the buck to someone else? Or kick the can down the road. Madam, there are rules. Example? Rule 15: I Take My Own Lumps. But I can’t, Madam. The floor, fans, and family. What about Braxton’s Aunt and “my” friends? Again, if I just lay here, somebody is left in pain because of me. And that’s every day. “They” talk about being born black is wrong, Madam. Being born ME is wrong. “And it hurts like Hell.” The day I want? The day it doesn’t. But not today. Every Day Hurts When You Hurt Somebody

1058 Days Without B III, Day 499 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 170 ~The Truest Sentence, An Excuse~

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Motivational speakers talk about those with excuses. Why aren’t I at the table? They had to pull the floor up. Why aren’t I writing? I have a freaking Day Job. Why am I in bed? I’m tired, and B III’s gone. But Tomorrow… The Truest Sentence, An Excuse

Monday, December 18, 2023

Tale 170 ~The Truest Sentence, An Excuse~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… Especially this one. I can sum it up in one word. Tomorrow… Two? No Fear! And Three?

“I love you” was my favorite… as the song goes. All nothing but excuses, falsehoods. Today is Saturday, December 16, 2023. How about why I’m writing to you right now? Hell! I told Braxton all the time that this would lead to a future. So where is it? Why hasn’t it happened? What’s the excuse? I’m no good for Virgil, and I wouldn’t dare use him as a prop, a scapegoat, or an excuse. Indeed, I have another one-word answer for you, dear Madam. Laziness. How about Lazy-Ass? I can keep going. (Opens a dictionary).

  1. Braxton
  2. Disgusted
  3. Masturbation
  4. Sleep
  5. Sick
  6. Money

These are in no particular order. But I’ll say, AHEM, “Sleep is for those people who are broke.”

Do you want evidence that I’m healing over losing my son? Not accepting! Oh no, Madam! Braxton died 1051 days ago, and I’m still counting. But when I wake up every morning and cut off the alarm, do you know what I think? It’s not “Braxton isn’t here anymore.” I say, “I’m tired and should try this ‘Big Sleep’ thing again.” I mean, either way, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Only it’s more I’m sick of existence rather than Braxton’s gone

Don’t get me wrong. The day Braxton died is still worse than the day I was born. B is ahead of E-Day, as it should be. Ohh! “What’s really going to bake your noodle later on is my excuse for waking up.” Do you know?

That makes two of us without a clue. I can tell you why I feel disgusted with myself right now, Madam. Eden McCoy… I am going to Hell. Instagram, GH. I woke up and… TMI! What’s my excuse for it, though? I’m sure I told Lady Lunalesca about stressing out. Madam, every single word has me that way. Hell! Even the meaning of life. Whatever…

“Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul.” Madam, why aren’t I? Braxton’s still dead. Getting any deader seems unlikely. A zombie apocalypse? The end of the world, uh huh.

“My future is coming on.” But that’s tomorrow’s problem. Let my will be done tomorrow. That is my excuse. Dying? I’ll FAIL Today and Tomorrow. The Truest Sentence, An Excuse

1051 Days Without B III, Day 492 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 163 ~The End Embodies MY WILL~

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What does it take to have the will not to sleep? There was Braxton’s sickness. Then I found out he was dying. A bit of bucks from the Day Job. And then bouncing along in bed doing… other, never mind. And in the end, who am I. The End Embodies MY WILL

Monday, December 11, 2023

Tale 163 ~The End Embodies MY WILL~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-First Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… Like the one I made, that said, “My son will never die.” Unwritten, right? Considering Rule 321.

I would make it either Rule 1 or 366. Hell! I fear a whole lot, but for Braxton. His courage. I should pray for that more than the other stuff. But didn’t I say God, and I haven’t been speaking lots? So, um, 1044 days and counting. Because, in the end, it doesn’t even matter. He’s still dead. And what was I willing to do to save him? I’d give anything. Or at least that’s what I want to say. But what do I do in the end? Why am I late talking to you? Madam, I’m time-traveling, but it’s past 3:30 PM this Saturday, December 9, 2023. Madam, I didn’t even nap today, and all for what? What does the end goal look like, Madam? Please don’t say girls.

“You exist to continue your existence. What’s the point?” Equilibrium

As I see the end. It’s me closing my eyes and hoping I’ll never have to open them. Never again. It’s like I’m always ready for a funeral… my own. “Hell is for those who don’t know they’re dead.” So, for all I know, I may have “done it.” Hmm… well, being here now. If the end is life. Which I have been thinking about plenty with that lady in Texas, Kate Cox. The life and death being forced upon her. I keep saying, Madam, I want a family, but I don’t force women into anything. No! All the lives I could have made are in tissues, tears in the bed sheets, and these two hands. I hear you. Gross!

But do you know what’s worse? You guessed it, breaking the rule and knowing that Braxton was going to die before me. And I did think about it long before it happened on that Sunday, January 31, 2021. And it was by my will that brought about my son’s end. So how does this (motions to myself) all end? And why don’t I feel my will has anything to do with it. If you want the short answer, money. People telling you differently are lying. You can’t see the end if you don’t know where to start. That’s why Braxton fought so hard to live. How do you begin saving me? V has no answers. My will be done indeed. The End Embodies MY WILL.

1044 Days Without B III, Day 485 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

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Something to hold on to, a pencil, my fingers against a keyboard, hell maybe I just need to stay mad all the time; great stories come from pain, but it was all about pleasure, life hurts so much. Will Tell Better Stories

Friday, August 16, 2019

Log 046 ~Will Tell Better Stories~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now but not sitting in a jail cell. Not saying success is a bad thing. Indeed, whether rhyme or crime I’m a get mine. I have rules though Lady Sophia, 365 to be specific. There are also more unwritten which led to last night? Yes, I’m back on “FAP” again. Hell, it was the only way I was going to finish last night’s conversation. Now, did I need to; hell no, my friend. Yesterday I went into Walmart saying I would find my dream girl. I’m funny.

I wish I could tell you I didn’t dream last night. Remind me to stop watching walkthroughs of Wolfenstein: Youngblood. Jessie and Sophie with their dad. Abby and Lothar; I have worse dreams in the shower. Then again I could get paid for writing these things, so how does Tillie Cole do it I ask? I could have gone to bed thinking about her book “Raphael.” The Catholic church hurts children we know. What am I so worried about with my rantings and ravings these days. If I’m not reading, what about Heavy Rain? I guess I don’t need the stress. What about saying I spent $20.00 to see some girl’s boobs. Again a sweet release kept me from doing something STUPID. I was planning on buying videos from somewhere. Ruby Rae’s boobs plus Alissa and Rebecca, times Haley Pullos:

I want to tell you a tale about being a better man Lady Sophia. This morning I even read a bit about “William Tell.” If only I could keep my eyes on the target. Today that target is our conversation and cutting the front yard. Also, my best friend, a.k.a, my firstborn needs his nails clipped now. I wish I were a better person to “M Anime.” Cherry is looking at a hard time now; people suck Lady Sophia. I shouldn’t say things like that at all. Am I addicted, obsessed? Again some know me as worse. I said before I can never only watch porn I study. For example, Alissa, real name “blank,” model for “such and such” from, let’s say “Narnia.” I have to know the whole story, but no last night, my hand was busy, well elsewhere.

My stories usually blow Lady Sophia. Yeah, I don’t get horny, I stay horny, it hasn’t even been 12 hours. Today, Will Tell Better Stories.

I Will Have No Fear

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

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Last week it was an addiction, this week its bail perhaps if my dream is any way accurate and I have plenty, one is being a great writer but what writing have I done lately or more to the point editing, prison time is slow time? Will’s Going To Jail.

Friday, August 9, 2019

Log 039 ~Will’s Going To Jail~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, or that would be true enough. Indeed, what have I done to warrant any jail time? Solicitation, well no let’s say a modeling job. Same with hiring a new maid after “Okay.” Speeding, haven’t stolen any porn lately. Matter of fact, I got a response from Whitney Wright about her film “Prom Night.” Such a fanboy, Morgan, Jada Jinxx, I can continue. Not a crime though, hell Dennis Hof got women naked all the time. My son is doing well but not doing my best by him always, that’s Hell worthy.

So only last night I was dreaming about crime, something to do with the Russians. You know I believe every dream has meaning and purpose. I imagined something happened to Cherry once, and she disappeared for days. She’s fine only wasn’t talking to me then. Anyway, I’m not MR. Trump, I don’t run around with Jeffrey Epstein. With that, I know the guy with Vault Girls got in trouble for characters. I know some Europeans that would do time in the US. I still admire, Larry Flynt, Hugh Hefner, and Jimmy Stephens. Is the dream was telling me the hacker got more than I realized? I’ve had a few troubles with the cops that I never talk about somehow. Last time was a mistaken house. There was a suicide attempt years ago. I went to Juvenile Detention in high school.

The dream could be telling me that I need to grow up. What more do you want from me, Lady Sophia? From being “in love” with Jessica Rey/Alyssa Enrilé Power Rangers Wild Force? Now it’s porn stars Sandra McCoy/Kendall/Professor Kelsey Williams. Power Rangers “Femme Fatales: Extracurricular Activities.” Is my dream telling me I dig too deeply? As I said before, I’m not a stalker, but I need to know everything I can about a woman. Jada Jinxx, I found out she had videos on Pornhub for such and such an amount, how much did I offer? Whitney speaks the truth about her industry. Here’s some truth, I need to get back to writing or editing. If I finish our conversation, I’ll go pick up Chinese. I might even avoid the cops. Remember Pinterest troubles, my mom almost scaring me to death.

My dream felt so weird, and it felt like this weekend. Could I have plans GULP Will’s Going To Jail?

I Will Have No Fear

Log 032 ~Will Is Still Unwritten~

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Waking up to pay a bill and then doing what that charge is meant to prevent, talk about addiction am I right, like buying meds and then going back to the place that made me sick; when will I write down “no more?” Will Is Still Unwritten

Friday, August 2, 2019

Log 032 ~Will Is Still Unwritten~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Millionaire right now, but it’s not written down in any bank. One day I want to write something that isn’t betraying all of my motivations. Hell, I want to write my book that I should have sent off two months ago. I could say something like I trust people. Last night, for example, I had to check out authors from Outskirts Press. Today I should be doing some editing, but what have I looked up recently? Reasons to get back on Patreon, Vault Girls, and again my bank account.

I can tell you the Day Job isn’t mad at me, “Price Changes” SIGH. Didn’t write NO; let alone say it because “I Like Money.” I wish I could say I was watching a comedy but no “Fifty Shades of Grey” clips on YouTube. After our conversation, all I’ll be writing is receipts and how much time I’ve wasted. Now things could always be worse, but I refuse to give those ideas a voice. If anything if I’m not all “pent up,” I need to be getting something done, but you see where that gets me. I’ll have a lot of explaining to do when it comes to those Six Impossible Things. I swear that’s the laziest piece of writing. It never changes Lady Sophia, and we both know why. I want to say I’ll get at least four out of six, but I write fiction and not lies.

Okay so try to write something positive. There are people in the world worse than me in the “adult entertainment” industry. One of my favorite series got canceled, but I wasn’t the idiot who couldn’t find it at all. B III is his usual self, always helping me to get off my ass. Tomorrow always comes but again what about today? How about the opportunity to keep my promise and finally clean up the yard? My zombie/walker killing skills are still excellent. I managed to do the TWD Daily Challenge, and I told Brainbuddy the truth. One of my games is educational, “Bury Me, My Love.” I’m keeping up with the news but is that a good thing? Well I know how not to die but being black in America how do I change that ha?

The story is not over Lady Sophia. All of this which I call my blessed life, Will Is Still Unwritten.

I Will Have No Fear