Category: Dear Future Wife

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

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Gushing, oozing, leaking… not that. I mean talking to B III and a little to his aunt. Hell! She didn’t call the cops. But it’s like I might explode or more like overflow. Drown in tears last week; fake happiness next week. B’s B-Day. “Y B V Gushes”

Tuesday, February 7, 2023

Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now; how much is an apology nowadays? I should be gushing, oozing, and leaking apologies. Too sexual?

And after everything that went down last week. My mood stunk, but at least I don’t anymore. Um, don’t count your chickens? Only the “clinical” deodorant seems to be working. And at least I’m not spending cash on OnlyFans and such. Or other porn, right? If anything, I need to be spending money on the dogs… I will never not count B III in this. This is sort of a balancing week. Last week was when Braxton left the world. Next week will be when he comes into it. Or at least that’s what I have decided. February 13, always. I never believed I’d find love. No Valentine’s Day for me. The 13th… close enough. Somehow I found you. But to wrap up, “I’m Sorry?”

I wish those words could come rushing out of my mouth. Truthful? No. Worthy? Uh-uh. I do mean me, not you. Another reason we aren’t making the bedsprings sing… Seriously, “What’s My Age Again?” But I’m not bursting into song, either. Too busy “B.” A lie. Again I wish I could be all about Braxton this week. It Should have been last week, too, ha. But only one thing might burst soon because either way you look at it, I’m looking at the good ole days. Oh, and what do I call this? My family, my love, our children. Love. Everything is about love or, rather, sex. Should I start spouting out my philosophy too? This week isn’t about that. Losing love and having love.

Last week to the week after this. I didn’t want to talk to you. And I’m not sure B hears. But the moaning and groaning that comes out of me as I take “pornographic passions.” Maitland Ward? Still sort of does it for me sometimes, but I haven’t been looking at her… yeah. Still upset? Anyway, you and Braxton are kind of like my Topanga and Shawn. “How great is this? My favorite person in the world. And my wife.” From Girl Meets World remember. Sometimes I might want to ask myself; is that why I’ve been watching all this cheating, family breaking up, Hentai. I can’t talk about that to you, B, and definitely not V. It’s like I’m overflowing with, I don’t know what. Y B V Gushes

737 Days Without B III, Day 178 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 214 ~To B, Loved Again~

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Ain’t no woman like the one I got… Blowing her off to spend time with my son. Braxton died today 2 years ago, at 15. He was 13 days shy of his birthday. To lose such a love… All the women in the world… I’m sorry. I want my boy back To B, Loved Again.

Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Saga 214 ~To B, Loved Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… No! Scratch That! Leave Me Alone! Not Today, Please! Fuck!

(walks to Braxton’s old/new room)

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Good day… Last time I ever said that to you was Saturday, January 30, 2021. I should have starved. I’m sorry… Geez! Bad choice of words. I wanted to apologize for yelling at your stepmom; ok. But today, Braxton Barks Bradford. What? Today is our day, your day, the day? I don’t know how to say it. Like the vet’s office? If I were a good man, a great daddy, I’d head up to Banfield today. I would ask to sit on that bench for but a few minutes. Waiting, knowing, and yet I was hoping to. I had to. “He’s My Son!” I wanted to yell at those ladies, the vets, the whole damn world!

And I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. How many times have I said that, Braxton? It never stops. Two years. Always and forever. Look at where I’m standing? What was it I read about Enshrinement? Braxton Barks Bradford… Whatever, you’ll always be here. Only how many apologies do I have? There’s Never Enough. I’m sorry about this week. What about the last week you were alive? I had so many plans for what today might be like, Braxton. I would have been better off joining you the day you died. Too damn easy. I’m sorry for talking to you today… It’s Sunday, January 29, 2023. You were dying. Braxton, that was on a Friday in 2021, but you know that. Triple B, I love you

Always and forever! B III, nothing turned out right, then or now. This second anniversary. Who knows? I could get lucky, and my “father” could kill me Monday. Funeral… Ironic. If I wanted to die, why not blow off your great-granddaddy’s funeral. Making money? To think I believed the old Day Job was my punishment, my damnation, and indifference. No, Braxton. Losing you and having to suffer with living relatives and what about, um… I ain’t mentioning him today. I want to sit on our loveseat and watch movies. Barbecue? Braxton, that was my first meal without you. That night, “I’ll never be loved again.” Braxton, you have to know, You Were Loved. You are loved. I once was. I am… To B, Loved Again

730 Days Without B III, Day 171 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

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E-Day. That’s the second worse day of existence. Um, Thanksgiving. But nowhere near as big when Braxton was here. And possibly New Year’s. But next week this day is a holiday. A memorial. Only I’m not alone, but I want to be. Virgil’s Holiday From B.

Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Saga 207 ~ Virgil’s Holiday From B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” Free me from Hate? Horniness? Happiness?

Um, it got my B a trip to Heaven or wherever. It’s this time next week I’ll Hate the most. A permanent vacation. A holiday away from me. And I’m sure you can relate, love. Reason number whatever we’re talking about today, Monday, January 23, 2023. It feels like I’m working the old Day Job all over again. Tomorrow I rather not be bothered. Next week? I don’t hate my family, ever. It’s not Virgil either though he’s becoming a brat. As I said so many times, it’s not veterinarians, old age, or even the disease that took my boy. “I choose me, and I know that’s selfish love.” Yes, more music. You know, I still need to pick a song on Spotify. Twenty-Four days.

But there are some things you can’t get away from, you know. Another song, love? Fucking Enrique Iglesias “You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape my love.” Loving someone never takes a holiday but liking them… Whatever and I going to do with Virgil? I’m ashamed that this time has crept up on me and when next week rolls around, love… When was the last time I cried for Braxton? These might be my first tears for today. Come the 31st; I want to eat barbeque and watch dog movies. Even Spontaneous, sadly. Hell! I did read “A Dog’s Journey.” So I could watch the film now. (Cringes). Uncomfortably? I remember the book, that was all kinds of… Who cares; Braxton’s dead.

Always the worse pain imaginable. There’s no escape, and no, I can’t give it a rest. But I know you would never say that. And crazy? Well, knowing V ain’t B. I’ve been reading up on animal communicators. I could try and find one and see what happens. I could see where Virgil stands vet-wise. When I went to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding, I boarded B III for a few days. It couldn’t hurt to send Virgil away for two days to honor my son. Would that be honoring Braxton? And what about our family? I’m not going out for smokes. The 31st of all days. When I’ll be the most alone. I want to be. Anywhere but being loved and happy. Virgil’s Holiday From B

723 Days Without B III, Day 164 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 200 ~Forms of Virgil, B’s…~

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It’s enough to make me hate writing? If it wasn’t signing my name on unpublished books, bills I have to pay, and the memories I created. It’s what Triple B is; a memory… So it’s B’s name, I won’t forget. Only those forms for 2V? Forms of Virgil, B’s…

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

Saga 200 ~Forms of Virgil, B’s…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can cheat on our taxes every which way, right? And the termite guy?

There is also running a business, even if it’s mine always. Beats the fucking Day Job. There’s my writing which I must love (obviously). But it doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. There’s being a Dad too. Report cards, field trips. The responsibility for our kids’ actions. But always, there will be Braxton. He’s the one that I saw first, loved first. Yeah, I’m not ashamed to write down that I’m a fan of “FLCL.” I’ve been all about anime these days. I’m trying not to think about the last thing I signed for Triple B. Better to have XXX, huh? Because being an adult sucks even with all these blessings. I’m able to afford repairs, inspections, and appointments. Did I have to say that? I’ll never forget Braxton’s last one…

Every day is another step closer to what will be two years, Sunday, January 31, 2021. The doc lucked out. As I’ve said before, not once have I blamed them. No reason. It’s my fault. Wednesday, February 10, 2021… I don’t remember if I signed anything; I think I did. That’s the day I picked up Little Braxton for the last time. Fearing reincarnation, Tupac… Why must I torture myself with this fact? But Saturday, August 13, 2022, there’s Virgil. He’s not Braxton. Every day I believe that more and more, and who knows when it will be set in stone. When I will write it down in all its finality. A form of catharsis, confession, a condition of my surrender to the truth, love.

B is gone. A ghost, a memory, or a Cuddle Clone. Don’t I still need to see the tax guy? Well, we do, right? Let the heart speak, but we had to sign paperwork too. And I never intend to erase it or sign something to the contrary. The Band Perry’s “Better Dig Two.” Hell! You won’t be signing any papers for me yet. I have a son to remember, a wife to love, and a world to put in its place. Big talk for someone cringing at every bill despite being in our position. Lovers, parents, family but payment forms, cash, check, credit? Lover, husband, daddy. Easy signing at the bottom and ignoring the bottom line at rock bottom. Remember, Forms of Virgil, B’s…

716 Days Without B III, Day 157 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 193 ~Calendars B Tripping Virgil~

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Sometimes in January… this will be the second one. Not on the 10th, but on the 31st. There are so many dates I rather not remember. I can’t tell you when I found love but when I lost it. Yet the days keep falling off Calendars, B Tripping Virgil

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Saga 193 ~Calendars B Tripping Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t ever invest in Swanson; thanks, Tuckems. I’m more for Boston Market. Marie Callender’s?

My love, money didn’t change me. I mean, sure, as Forrest Gump said, “That’s good. One less thing.” I’ll be one for hoodies and jeans always and forever. Not that serious, but when I got new glasses, I wanted the same frame and, barring that, more Triple B’s color. When it comes to women, well, not to go all Alanis Morissette but AHEM “You, you, you oughta know. Hell! You know I love you, but when it comes to people, “I am an equal opportunity misanthropist,” as Andrew Davidson put it. Only with women, well… there was than Asian fetish I had. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, strawberry blondes, black hair. Look at the date; Wednesday is a year since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Um, feelings…

And speaking of fantasies, Victorian Maid Maria no Houshi. And Katainaka ni Totsui de Kita-Russia Musume to H Shimakuru Ohanashi. I wish I could remember when I got into Hentai and cosplay. One of many dates I can’t recall. But there are three events this month. I’ve told you about one which was a little fucked up. With you and a therapist. I can afford therapy now. Oh, I have no delusions of myself being mentally healthy. I’m sure you can agree. Anyway, the first, of course, was New Year’s Day. God help me; I’m trying to keep at least one resolution. How many have I made for you, our kids, and the businesses I run? I know; I made one; keep Virgil Vivi alive.

Only this morning, as with every day, my first thought was of Braxton Barks Bradford. Did I say that out loud? If I wanted to be in the dog house… Well, it’s January. Where else would I be than with my boy this second year? I didn’t even take a nap when I got back. Love, there is so much to do. I’m not holding out much hope. Because, again, you can see all the distractions. I don’t want to think about it. And yet buying books, bullion, and biscuits. Though I haven’t set another one in B III’s memory. And what about us, love? You’re not something only placed calendar-wise. But, as long as I’m breathin’, Braxton will be “31st.” Calendars B Tripping Virgil.

709 Days Without B III, Day 150 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 186 ~Love To B Virgil~

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I heard in a movie that love can’t tell time. Yes and no. I can’t remember when B III jumped in the car… and he hates car rides. The moment he left… Jan 31, 2021, at about 3:45 PM. When I told the right girl, I love her? Beats me. “Love To B Virgil.”

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

Saga 186 ~Love To B Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And have a much more interesting story than I inherited my wealth. I Work Hard 120!

As seems to be the theme of this year… well, the first week of January, like everyone else, my love. I’m trying to get motivated. I didn’t say positive, I’m afraid, but to get going. Only I know you still need me to be here. Does it help that I’m buying more stuff for us? As the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” No amount to save Braxton. And then there’s Virgil. I know my story. I know how I feel. Yeah, I mentioned I’m buying more books and TV. Hell! Today, I bought another book about mourning fur babies. And now I want to watch a show about a man who pretty much adopts a daughter after losing one. The Last of Us

Braxton was/is a gift to me. And I take the fact that his story was seen all over the world… Well, I’ve always said he’s the one that made me the man I am today. The good and the bad, but you love me, so who am I to complain? No. For 702 Days, I have been one to mourn. And like with all of the books I’ve been reading, well, minus all those in December. I don’t want to know anything else. I’m too focused on B III’s death to worry about 2V’s life. Incredible life story before I met him, I’m sure. Did he love someone? Lose someone. How about letting it go? As I said, 702 days without B. Virgil’s had 143.

To make you feel my love. What about our children? What about Virgil? Even now, I’m not sure about him. But for you and ours… I’d do everything Bob Dylan wrote about and Adele sang about. I like the cover version, but that’s not the point. Looking at Virgil now… A whole new year and the same ole song and dance. Virgil’s not Braxton’s reincarnation. If anything, he’s more like me. Virgil’s so confused, quiet, and figuring out his universe. But that doesn’t mean he can’t find his way to bed at night. We’re all around him, but what does that mean? I’d ask how long will it take him to accept love. What do I have to give? More time? Love To B Virgil

702 Days Without B III, Day 143 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 179 ~ Virgil’s Holidays To B~

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You wake up, and your cat… dog in my case. Your son, a future, isn’t there anymore. I tell myself that tomorrow will be “better.” People look forward to this time of year. For me, Jan 31, Feb 13, Aug 13, Sept 7, Oct 20, etc. “Virgil’s Holidays To B.”

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

Saga 179 ~Virgil’s Holidays To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always tomorrow. Yeah, I can take off in my rocket ship. Get perspective…

I’ve been thinking a lot about “The Great De-evolution” series. In particular, “The Last Astronaut” and “A Different Alchemy.” One man running away from the death of his fur-baby. And the other, from the death of his child. Pray tell, how do I relate, (snickers). Besides this one fact. Writing my own books kept me away from Braxton Barks Bradford. Because there was always tomorrow. Sacrifice today for tomorrow’s benefit. But as the song goes, “You wake up one morning, and half your life is gone.” Or fifteen years, love. I thought Braxton would give me twenty. But that’s thinking too small. Here’s forever. Isn’t that what we are, my love? We got our kids though I still need to figure out Virgil. Being mean?

What! I bought him a gift, and honest to “God” I’ve been trying. But there is always tomorrow. For now, I need some sleep. I know it’s getting worse. One man went to space while the other headed north. And another thing about those men. They left their families. They didn’t see a future in the world. Is that what I’m saying? Why bother trying? That one day, B III will be gone for good. Hell! If I could be so lucky as to drop dead, then. I’m sure our children will think that of me in their teenage years. I want to be here for that. So am I seeing more time with them, with you? Memories with Braxton. Oh, and Virgil Vivi too.

Again yesterday, I was looking at books for “The Closing of the Year.” Not as many as last year, but there is always tomorrow. But what if there’s not? How long do I expect you, my Mrs. Claus, to keep waiting? Santa spends his whole year preparing. One big day. What about ours, my love? They have been different since Braxton, I know. Forgetful? Now you know that ain’t true. Part of me stays glued to that spot on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And then a part of me wants to be like those other fathers running away, love. Billionaires can buy rocket ships and tanks, so why not go all “The Tomorrow War?” Buy us a time machine? Yours and Virgil’s holidays… I’m so sorry. Virgil’s Holidays To B

695 Days Without B III, Day 136 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

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I only remember my Ma putting up the Christmas tree. And as far as presents, well, good and bad memories. But the love? That shouldn’t be a one-day thing, but Virgil’s been here for 129 days. As the song goes, “do you love me?” “B Present For Virgil”

Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Saga 172 ~B Present For Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But even with more money than Jesus… “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus” ha-ha. Um…

With all this money, that’s not what Christmas is about, is it? Am I really going to talk about Christmas? One day out of the year, when I seek joy, peace, and love daily. Hell! When did I know I loved my son? Our two-legged children, but let me talk about my firstborn, Braxton Barks Bradford. This is my second Christmas without him here. Love, if there is any consolation, Christmas is only one more day. Now don’t talk to me on January 31, but Christmas? B’s an afterthought at best. And then ask me about Virgil Vivi. Have I even thought about getting him a gift for the holidays? The money spent on 2V? He wants a present? Today he did have my concern.

Always. It’s what I give all my friends. My attention doesn’t amount to anything. Only I want to do better. Still, I am my “father’s” son. Money, Money, Money. And as the song goes, “money can’t buy me love.” What else do I have, though? It’s been my problem. I care for so much, my love. I guess that’s a good sign, right? It ain’t Christmas, but I care. Yet I have my friends that I haven’t asked about in forever. Or my ass has an ulterior motive even though my heart is in the right place… Oh, it’s outside B III’s pine box? That was mean, but again, my problem. I’m present in that room watching Braxton die. Santa Claus ain’t bringing him back.

But that’s who I am now, on top of being a husband, daddy, writer, business owner, and everything. And I must be under that tree, light those candles, or whatever else. The holidays, bah humbug. I don’t want the kids to hear me say that. And all the things I should utter… Because money ain’t cutting it. I can tell you and the children I love you every day, and I mean it. Why doesn’t it seem to be enough, though? A lesson learned from my Braxton. Several, in fact. He didn’t need words; it was the action always. It’s Only Love. So I ran outside looking for Virgil, and there was fear until I found him running to me. One day, for you, family, business; B Present For Virgil.

688 Days Without B III, Day 129 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 165 ~B Leave It V~

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Do you believe in life after love? I’m still here. Oh, won’t you stay with me? More songs I can rip off? Believe it. As I believe my son is out there. I don’t believe in God. I believe in B. As far as women? Like B and his “aunt’s boob.” B Leave It V

Tuesday, December 13, 2022

Saga 165 ~B Leave It V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I once believed that $300 would solve all my problems. Took more burying my son.

Well, you know what I mean. I’m always thinking about B III, even with time travel. Tuesday marks 681 days, my love. And “I Still Believe,” I took out a hit on my own kid, B III. I had him cremated and put into a box I have only ever opened once. It rests on the nightstand. At least, that’s one thing that has remained constant with me. My love for him. And you? I don’t know how you stand me; I’m getting to be like Braxton’s bed. I had to wash my hoody and, of course, the sheets. If it helps, I can’t remember when I threw out the last can of his food. I’m sure I talked about it. But his bed, bowl, his last bag of Cesar…

“V, leave it!” It’s one of the few times I can remember his name. Virgil Vivi Bradford aka 2V aka V. I’m not ready to leave Braxton Barks Bradford. My firstborn; let him go. But is it worse that I’m not ready to love again? I mean, not with our kids. I poured the Bisquick, so you and I have had plenty of pancakes. I love B like pancakes, but then there’s Virgil once again. I’m starting to count the days without my saying, feeling, and living with love. “Another Day,” I keep telling myself, “Give into love or live in fear,” right? Only I fear that the man you long for will never return. Braxton lived his last second loving me. His last look?

And while there will always be a part of me that says you’ll one day get sick of me, love. Yeah, like that part that said B III would live forever. That Virgil’s his reincarnation. Somehow I believe I’m worse… Didn’t think I could be after Braxton. But here I am, hurting you. Only it’s not with some needle. As it began with Braxton… Indifference. Perhaps that’s what Braxton is telling me these days. But I feel plenty, my love. I keep saying, “I love you.” Do I show it? As safe as Braxton’s bed. My dog tag, pendant. Everything I’ve read this year about fur babies says leaving the pain doesn’t mean losing the love. But I Want It All! B Leave It V

681 Days Without B III, Day 122 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 158 ~To B Yawn Virgil~

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Well, it’s not in the center of the bed. It’s not on the landing below the stairs. And it’s definitely not sniffing B III’s bed. But no matter how tired I get. Even if I’m unsure if Virgil belongs or if “SHE” will ever be found. To B Yawn Virgil

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Saga 158 ~To B Yawn Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m different. I hope so. But as Taylor Swift put it. You Belong With Me.

Another reason I don’t want to get in the car and go anywhere. You know that song of hers, Anti-Hero, has been all over the radio. Worse? All I Want For Christmas Is You. Anyway, at least if I must go anywhere, my business is full of beds. But besides the obvious, what I want to do is talk about dreams. And more on what Trevor Noah spoke of. Intimacy? Let’s start with the dreams. Last night I dreamt of this prison, but it was like an ivory tower. Didn’t I say something like that Monday? So it wasn’t as desperate as Andor. One Way Out! No. All I did in the dream while I snuck about was walk out the front door. My escape

Dreams are messages. I still believe that. We only need to decipher the meaning, My Love. Well, this one was from Braxton. It seems every day I think of him being so high above me. In Heaven? I don’t know. But going up is in the wrong direction. Don’t Look Up? That is incorrect. Head in the clouds, wishing upon stars. And prayer? I keep saying, My Love, I don’t talk to God anymore. But I can say that about… You, the children, the little usurper in Braxton’s room? I shouldn’t be mean to Virgil. Never like that, My Love. But I was lying in bed this morning, Virgil pushing us off to the sides. That’s a Braxton move. Well, only if you’re here today.

But he’s up there, and while I’m not sure Virgil belongs here after 115 days, what about you, My Love? Always and Forever; that is where I stand. And I hope you are always right beside me. Is that it? I am still determining where I’m going. “Escaping” in my dream. I don’t know what’s next, and that’s Intimacy. It’s what I’m trying to explain to M Anime. It’s what you and I share, and yet at the same time, I’m afraid to, My Love. There’s all that B III meant to me, the man I am. All Of Me. No wonder THEY find God. Somebody that won’t tell on them. Showing that they don’t belong. But you’re “We Belong Together.” To B Yawn Virgil

674 Days Without B III, Day 115 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will