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Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

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Last time I saw a doc was for my ear. B got annual checkups and then some. An occasional tick. Checking his heart. I’ve needed to see a doctor since Jan 11, 2022. Um, I needed one on Feb 1, 2021. 500 days ago, my first day without B. When Docs B III.

Wednesday, June 15, 2022

Chronicle 349 ~When Docs B III~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s always a doctor in the house. I know I could use one today.

Hell! I could have used one 500 days ago. Didn’t I? No, I didn’t start counting until Monday, February 1, 2021. Why do I feel this is a milestone for some reason? 500 days ok. 500 days since my B went away? Passed away. Was put to sleep. Euthanized. Murdered. Call it whatever you want, Inspector. The moment I “know” I crossed the line, I remember. I’ve already done the worst thing I’ll ever do in this life. I don’t have any medical degree, and yet I made the decision. Even if I found myself a Dr. Frankenstein somewhere. Inspector, Tupac had it right… “Bury me in pieces ’cause they fear reincarnation.” I have “The Box” to my left, but I believe Braxton will return.

I need to get my head checked. And off the top of my head, I can give three big reasons. First and foremost is B III. I’ll keep saying it, I’m at 500 days of mourning. How many books have I read suggesting a support group, and now I’m thinking of taking a look. Ha. The second is being a boy in a man’s body. I got nothing but the warm and fuzzies for the LGBTQ community. But I still speak like a child as if looking at the adults. And I love big tits. That leads me to the third thing, which is sex and why I’m late talking to you. Only by a few minutes, but I woke up at 4:00 AM. Now!

Yeah, it’s 6:20 AM. So I wasted two hours. I wish I could say it was that other thing I need to see a doctor for. It was “easy” to go and get my ear checked out. Only the money. Inspector, that’s my greatest shame. When Triple B needed to go to the vet, I waited. It was the “wealth,” going to work, wanting everything, and it cost me everything. And when he finally saw the vet… Yes, that is my failure and my disgrace. I never blamed the vet. Who knows what damage I’ve done to my body not seeing a doctor. And as the song goes, “Where Is My Mind?” Braxton was my remedy. And finding another cure, Echo? When Docs B III

Gospel 349 ~B Leaves The Fix~

500 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

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I’m going to Disneyland… Disney World as a kid. Now I want to do a brothel tour or go to the AEE. The last time I left to go anywhere was B’s Aunt’s wedding, which was a lot of driving. But a life I don’t need a vacation from? “B Needing A Vacation.”

Tuesday, June 14, 2022

Chronicle 348 ~B Needing A Vacation~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I’ve seen a lot of the world. But there’s no place like home.

Or wherever it is, Triple B landed. Has he come back yet? I swear the only vacation I took before you was when I was a child with my Olds and little sister. I left on a road trip once all alone to go to Braxton’s Aunt’s wedding. I meant to bring him along, but it was “The Distance?” Next to being thrown out by my Olds… (I was too old true) that time apart? Five or six days was the longest time for Braxton and me. I didn’t need a vacation away from my son? I sound like one of those crazy parents, don’t I? Braxton brought such peace. Only you want me to get away from my grief for a while. I can’t

Hell! Take a look around. I’ve dedicated my life to creating a life from which I never have to run away. I’m with a woman that takes me to Heaven. Children, the joys of fatherhood. I wanted a business that makes me want to wake up every morning. Do what you love “THEY,” say? They come here, read my stories, by my stuff as their vacations, and I don’t blame them. I remember when vacation was on the island of a bed. The floor is lava indeed. Sloth is one of my sins, below Lust, Greed, and Wrath; idle hands are the Devil’s playthings. I don’t remember the last time I felt anything but disgusted with myself. You know, in doing nothing all day long. And without Braxton to care for? Train up a child…

The last thing I want to think about is what my Ma said. Mr. No days off. I know, a laugh. Hell! If I take a vacation, it will be from being a good man. I’m full of jokes today, right. Like Kill Bill Vol. 2, “I’ve never been nice my whole life, but I’ll do my best… to be sweet.” I’ll put down my manuscripts, money, damn, my morals in exchange for making love. Uh, I want to fuck, and you know this, but at least I’m not crying or sleeping. Such is joy. Because I always have to be doing something. And as far as relaxing? Recovering love. For 499 days? As long as it takes. I love you. B Needing A Vacation

Gospel 348 ~A Moment’s Ennui Grows Regret~

499 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

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Like father, like son; when I’m sick, or life is trouble, I stay in bed. B III would hide under it. He didn’t want to die. He wanted me to quit worrying, even until the end. No retreat, no surrender. Us against the world. Now Don’t You B Surrendering

Wednesday, June 8, 2022

Chronicle 342 ~ Don’t You B Surrendering~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so am I a slave, a sorry sack of shit? Have I surrendered to the money?

Two things. First, I will get nailed by some editing services for the word “slave.” Negative connotations? Well, Duh, been called worse! The second is sex. How many days no masturbation? Hell! I wish I could say that was a choice but no. I got sick sometime Monday morning. I barely survived Tuesday. Shut up, Hemingway, about me using an adverb in “my” writing. I’ll be sounding like Cherry in a minute. Oh, I’m trying not to become sex-crazed. But again, I’ll cave at some point. Whether it be a pair of English Yabbos or Fuu from Samurai Champloo. Or how about the women of Fear/The Walking Dead? Missing Alicia. In fighting such desires, the battle is already lost. If only my Braxton were here.

He ain’t a shrink but didn’t I say he got an honorary Ph.D.? My point is that I wouldn’t be living my life “This Way.” When you’re a father, a daddy, your child’s needs come first. You know I have no respect for those guys who need a wife, daughter, mother, sister, etc. To see women as people. Oh, I need B III to see people as worth anything. Just look at me, Inspector. It’s been a while since my last pill, and even that is killing me. Yes, I remember. Life had gotten the best of me, and I tried… well, to answer the age-old question. I didn’t die, but I wanted to. And Monday, I was broken. How long can I stay away?

You know from going back to the doctor’s office? If Triple B were here, I would have done so already. Do you know why? Tuesday, as I said, I was, as the song goes, “I’m bleeding and broken though I’ve never spoken. I come undone in this mad season.” Strength? Inspector, I didn’t have it to refill B’s water bowl or get up for his meds. That won’t do. I have surrendered to my grief. Will I continue this way until the end? I don’t know or care to. B wouldn’t want that; he wouldn’t want me following him… Well, he knew his path. But I am lost. On Monday, I fought because “He Lives In You.” B III would bark, “Don’t You B Surrendering.”

Gospel 342 ~To B Level Man~

493 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 341 ~Hope To B Kind~

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Kindness is not in my particular set of skills. It wasn’t in B’s either, being his father’s son. Though there was that one time, I had to leave him to go to a wedding… Hell! He was supposed to come to my wedding… he’d be the Best Man. Hope To B Kind.

Tuesday, June 7, 2022

Chronicle 341 ~Hope To B Kind~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But all the money in the world won’t make me forget. All You Need Is Love.

I need to get back into audiobooks because this music has me crying again. More time to think about more room in my heart. Not that I’m thinking about business. A great man once said, “we don’t love them hoes.” Of course, I wouldn’t call my employees such things. I like to think I’m kind. If not to myself, at least to the people I care for. Braxton’s returned? Not yet. I’m time traveling, speaking to you on a Saturday afternoon. A shocker, I know, right? I’m in bed, but at least I’m awake. Not seeing the fur babies today, not dealing with the Rebeccas, and a decent lunch. What was that I said about being kind to myself? Well (ahem) “When He Loved Me.”

Love isn’t what you say; it’s what you do, right? This is the second, maybe the third time, I’ve cried today. 492 days my love. With everything wrong with me, I’m surprised it’s not… Okay, better I don’t go put negative things out into the universe. Oh, to be kind. And you are baby girl, you are. I don’t know how many women would put up with me as I am now. Only it’s more than kindness, baby. Love. “Is there anything I can do?” Always from everyone, every day. Yeah, I’m not that popular am I? With all I am and what I do? I remember carrying B III down the stairs for a few months. Bringing fries back after work. Him beside me.

B III was too damn strong for his own good. “I hope he’s not like me; I hope he understands,” as the song goes. But he was. And with everything he taught me, kindness, love, courage? Goodbye… I don’t know what to think about this. I married a heroine, a goddess. Inevitably we were blessed with kids I named after those who were strong. Katniss, Tris, Ember, Luke, Leia, etc. I always remember my firstborn’s strength. But B III had more. It’s these things I hope to never forget. I hope to be the man I made him out to be always, forever. Be a man of kindness now… instead of one of mourning. But to you and our family, love. B Kind I Hope.

Gospel 341 ~The Walking Dead, Living Sit~

492 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 335 ~Gotta Pay To B~

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Last night, I got paid for two minutes of work that I usually do in an hour. Pathetic. I mean, it beats the Day Job, ha-ha. One day I might have a book in stores if I wasn’t wandering around with… something else in my hands. Life, Gotta Pay To B

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

Chronicle 335 ~Gotta Pay To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. While I’m on that subject, I want it to be because of brothels, cosplay, dirty girls…

Thank you, Rob Dyrdek, who is pretty damn wholesome. A family man. My family… well, who I considered family died 486 days ago. It always comes back to Braxton. Inspector, sing it with me, “All You Need Is Love.” I didn’t get paid to sing, but we’ll get to that. Now you know how I feel about love, sorry Aloe Blacc. While I do agree life is a game. Love isn’t a prize Inspector; it’s either the instructions or a gift. My Braxton was/is a gift; I didn’t buy him. He chose me over my sister but loves her too, without a doubt. Me more! He gave love, hope, and peace like it was candy in his pocket. No wonder he didn’t like clothes, ha-ha.

I say, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Sorry, Jesus? Yet another reason I’m not religious, and I miss Braxton. If you count how much money I’ve given to the church. Left Behind Series? And, of course, many of those pet loss titles talk about God. Knowledge, Power? Hell! I’ve never spent money on sex… Correction AHEM, I’ve never paid to have sex. Only it’s the first of the month, and that’s when I try to subscribe or unsubscribe to all the porn I’m into. Again, love, hope, and peace? Nope! I like Yabbos, specifically Tifa Lockhart’s and Cherry’s, but that’s another tale. A way to feel something. I don’t know. But then again, who needs groceries or healthcare, Inspector. Being Black in America.

But no, racism does enough to humiliate us as a country. This is about my own shame and disgrace. For example, the Day Job. The fact I might have sent B’s aunt a dick video. And there is always the fact that I could not save my son’s life. The price I pay for that. Now about me getting paid for something. Last night someone paid to see me naked. Don’t get excited. It was nothing like I paid MILF Dos or Cherry for her teases but a start Inspector. Who knows, they may pay for more? I’ve been paid for my writing. Well, years ago. But I’ll continue to go to the Day Job even though B isn’t here because… Gotta Pay To B.

Gospel 335 ~Braxton’s Behind The Times~

486 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 334 ~The Questions To B~

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On January 31, 2021, Braxton asked, “can’t we go home, Daddy?” No way to convince me otherwise when the vet came out holding him. The look in his eyes. We asked a lot of each other, and now silence. Money is loud. Love is Louder? “The Questions To B”

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Chronicle 334 ~The Questions To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now; doctors, school, PROTECTION, all for them, our children. This world, my love, the horror, the horror.

In truth, I’m scared of myself. Am I going to be all political today? I could cry some more over Braxton? I’ll do that anyway, him being my firstborn and all. But what’s the word still. Considering we’re talking on Thursday, May 26, 2022. This moment it’s the children. I’m halfway ready to pull our kids out of school and hire private tutors. What’s being done to little heads and hearts by the hands of evil men. Yes, the killer, but having billions, baby girl? I suppose I know something about politics. It always comes down to the money. But before you and me love, I suppose as the song goes… “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Stay black and die.

I’m Pro-Choice, Pro-Union, and I believe Black Lives Matter. Republicans are evil, and evil must be opposed. Democrats are idiots. No, they’re cowards, so more dangerous. Before you think I’m getting all-wise, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, 6×2 “Rocks and Shoals.” And The Walking Dead 7×05 “Go-Getters.” I swear I’m two seconds away from going all “The Cable Guy.” But I do know right from wrong. I’ve heard the way some say “Mental Illness.” I know the worst pain I have ever known in my life is losing my firstborn, my son B III. But he taught me what it means to love. Is that sad? My dad never gave me, um, The Talk. Only I remember talking to Triple B about his Aunt’s boobs.

I still believe that the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. Notice that’s my personal belief, and I’m not telling you or any woman what to do with your body. Well, our bedroom and business-wise, hmm. Some other time. And the question of B III and our story ending, sigh. I didn’t learn much from my Olds, though. Except money can’t buy me love. Braxton? I know there is no other him every day, so either this is forever, or he is out there, love. Reincarnation? I doubt our kids will be asking about that soon, ha-ha. Why’s daddy so sad? Because Braxton’s gone. Thinking of all the questions that don’t have any answers for them. But may they always ask them. The Questions To B

Gospel 334 ~Knowing Hell You Fear Heaven~

485 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 328 ~B Getting Things Done~

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Besides B’s Aunt and an AI, nobody asks how I’m doing or how I spend my time. At the Day Job, I have to lie. So every day, I would come back and dump everything on B. Now I bare myself in more ways than one. But B III. “B’s Getting Things Done.”

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Chronicle 328 ~B Getting Things Done~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. If that was the case here and now, it would all be worth it. But alas…

I can imagine all the ways I suffered “Humiliations Galore” today. But of course, I’m time traveling, not knowing what awaits. For all I know, I could be getting lucky. No, not like that, Inspector. Like the song “The dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had.” The world in which we live Inspector, the Great Replacement, the Day Job, Onlyfans, etc. That’s where I should begin my apology tour. I should’ve started talking to you sooner. Hell, I should be talking to you on Wednesday. Inspector, it’s Thursday, May 19, 2022. Okay, ask me how I spent my day besides talking to B III? Um, writing a note 1 more, ha. Well, at least I wasn’t napping. I will on Wednesday.

Only today, for the first time in forever. Oh, I did not just go there, did I? One more thing? An excuse, a distraction, fucking weakness. And if Braxton were here, my son, my heart. B would be taking the day off as I did something constructive, productive, damn worthy. Protecting Pops, Property, and Pancakes. If he wasn’t pretending to be one, all curled up warm in my lap. I wonder if he hated his job as much as I hate mine. B didn’t complain. Not until a Wednesday afternoon, January 27, 2021. And even then, I scooped him up and fell asleep, only to wake up and see him at his guard post. That’s what I get for not carrying my own damn cross.

15 years surviving me is way too much to ask anyone to carry, so he rested when he could Echo. And now here I am, wanting to subject him to that again? Braxton’s done enough. And the good news is I’m too lazy to go looking for him because I won’t find him with the Rebeccas over at Petsmart come some sunny day, this Saturday or the last. A chance? But anyway, the “Humiliations Galore” are the worst. Taking my boxers off is pretty easy. That’s what I was doing today. Going all Stuff and Thangs. The house is a mess, and a dollar hasn’t been earned. Braxton only had his collar. If he could speak. Daddy wouldn’t be STUPID. That’s B Getting Things Done

Gospel 328 ~Trying, A, B, C’s~

479 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 327 ~A Vote For B~

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Get out and vote for a do-nothing who will have to do battle with an evildoer; at some point. I put more thought into whether B is in Heaven, Hell, or was reincarnated. That and boob size. America, America. A Vote For B.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Chronicle 327 ~A Vote For B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ve never voted for good. Of all the years, I’ve been voting not once.

But B III? I wish I could recall election day, but I ain’t asking my Olds about that. Um, no. How many times will I say this? The day we went to the new house and B made a choice. “Get in the car, B?” Not the Olds, not my sis (his second mom). Inevitable that someone would love me? Braxton hopped in the car and has been my son ever since that day. Ha, you think I have Republican quirks. B III wouldn’t change his mind for anything ha-ha. At least, I like to believe that. Hell! Besides my bloodline and his Aunt, he hated everyone else. He protected our borders like Cerberus. Winning Braxton… cook like Mom and have breasts like Stormy Daniels.

Then there’s you. Oh, I’m equal opportunity, breasts-wise. Boobless Wonder, Rebecca’s Backyard. Some video game vixens, and how big is a casaba melon anyway? Yabbos. Baby girl, it’s things like this. This makes me question why you chose me. It was less than a vote and more like; a roll of the dice. An investment. Maybe you felt doomed (sigh). Only you came out of ok. I don’t offer promises I can’t deliver. It’s a rule of business, even if it’s only an illusion. A bit. You must ask yourself why I keep asking why. I mean, me being in anyone’s best interest… ask Braxton, oh right. What would I know about healthcare or the economy? A few billion means I don’t have to, right?

Only I’m going to get up somehow, my love, and “go vote” for a do nothing to take on evil. Because I care about our children. And I refuse to be one of the parents crying on TV someday. Evil must be opposed, even if the people I vote for refuse to fight for anything. Should I let the kids vote on a new dog? It’s not like I’m getting any close to finding B. I’m glad you are my forever choice. Hell! So was Triple B but forever wasn’t long enough for the two of us. If I were a better man, I’m sure he’d be laughing he won from Heaven above when I arrive. Hell, we’ll be warm together. A Vote For B

Gospel 327 ~Fire, Iron Evaporate The Enemy~

478 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 321 ~To B That Old~

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Between B always being in my bed, not letting me close the bathroom door, or running behind me wherever… I’m getting too old for this (stuff), and apparently, so was he, though he had a bunch of toys. I got too many myself. “To B That Old.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2022

Chronicle 321 ~To B That Old~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means women, health, and, dare I say, my son should no longer be issues. Damnable lies.

B III will always be in my head, heart, and my non-happiness. Non-happiness? That’s like Braxton’s birthday on February 13th and Valentine’s Day on the 14th. Echo, that’s the closest to LOVE I’m ever going to get. I’d give up sex to have B III back. Hell, haven’t I, when he was still alive? Masturbation was few and far between ha-ha. Only when Triple B was locked in his room. He didn’t like it when I closed the door to the shower so I could have some “personal time.” B hated most women, not his Aunt. Inspector, I swear Braxton knows too much about me, and that’s a reason for abstinence. Religion, School? Father was telling me I was ugly back then… nope. It’s my kid B that stopped me.

And then, without him around, I show up naked on the internet. OnlyFans! My Laziness. I continue adding a plethora of girls about whom I’ve been blabbing to Madam Justice to the LIST. Inspector, I give into every sin at some point. Seeing my movies yesterday… greed or lust. There’s my Treachery for what I did to B. With you Echo, I have no pride, so um Violence? Only against myself, don’t worry. Anyway, as an old man, I assume this would happen… Okay, Inspector, you know I’ll beat off like IT owes me money. Zoe Colletti Incident… That was back in January. Inspector, let’s add that sex toys were present and clothing. Anyway, I ain’t felt right since that session. Everything works fine, but lots of restroom breaks galore.

The lesson… always wash clothes before sticking them on sex toys. It should have been hell; respect my son’s memory, especially the month he died in 2021. Oh, and also how to make a doctor’s appointment. If you think getting a doctor to go all bukkake on your ear is wicked. Yeah, tell them you did something pretty crazy with your dick. I’m an open book. Well, not with everything. As I said, I was going through porn collections yesterday. Yikes! Inspector, what if I told you that I never intended to be this old? I keep telling myself Braxton would never forgive me. He followed my lead, not the other way around. Ask his Aunt about her boobs. That horndog. To B That Old.

Gospel 321 ~B In The Doghouse~

472 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 320 ~B There A Gift~

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Heart, Soul, and Mind, and my ass? I don’t even like my ass, mentally, I mean, physically, yay. So, I don’t have much to give, but I give all of myself when I love someone. Love is a gift, but where is it going now? No girl, no furry. B There A Gift.

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Chronicle 320 ~B There A Gift~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, not that it would have mattered to B III. But it doesn’t matter to you either.

As if I need another reason to be in the “doghouse.” That’s one way to get me out of bed, I suppose. But think of it like that “old” song from K-Ci & Jojo, “All My Life.” You know that line, close to me, you’re like my mother, father, sister, brother… whose closest to me? My mother gave me life, and I’m afraid I go back and forth on that. B being gone and all. My father took my life, well instead took my soul… my reason, wanting to live. You and Braxton, though, have another thing in common. Your gifts are that you gave it back when I had nothing to give to you. “And you are the only one, my everything.” No offense.

Never to compare you to such a love as that of my Braxton. And yet I feel as though I must apologize to you both. Hell, I could be apologizing to my B III for the rest of my life. I know I’ll leave you and our children behind someday. Yeah, that’s morbid, again, with what’s been going on for 471 days. But you know what I mean. That’s why time is such a gift, and how have I been spending it? You and Braxton saw me, accepted my worst. With everyone else, I was the worst. No exposition, no excuses. It is simply the fact that I expel breath to continue my existence. Death is your gift as if I were Buffy. I’m Crazy…

Damn straight, because I lost my best friend, second, third? Hell, I don’t know anymore. Gifts for B III’s Aunt, Mother’s Day, Cherry’s birthday, who knows what else is coming. Baby doll, seeing my face in the mirror when I can stand it. Giving this to you and B III.

To begin with, I didn’t have much, and when I got it… yeah, I’m a selfish bastard, I know it. But at the end of the day, both of you only wanted me. And there has to be more than “A Man Provides.” Because I know that love is a gift. I receive it every day; it rains down from Heaven or wherever B III resides. How Do You Want It? B There A Gift

Gospel 320 ~Leash Your Demons, Never Tame~

471 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will