Tag: Knowledge

Saga 112 ~Sounding Like B, Virgil~

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I wish I could say, “you’re just like your brother.” Or rather, “you are your brother.” I’m leaning more towards V Being Virgil. But when I leave, it’s like hearing two dogs instead of one. But when I hear those nails clacking… Sounding Like B Virgil

Friday, October 21, 2022

Saga 112 ~Sounding Like B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I still think about cloning my son. If ashes were enough. Another reason to cry…

No, that’s been Virgil’s thing for at least a week, maybe more. As I’m sure I’ve told one of the girls, I didn’t notice until recently. It sounded like two dogs fighting every day (sigh). Isn’t that precisely what’s happening? Braxton isn’t going anywhere, and now Virgil is here, so… Am I giving up on the reincarnation bit? I’m reading “Come Back: Reincarnation, Our Pets, Second Chances” by Tina Proffitt. It’s “different…” weird, madness, inevitably? I believe I will see Triple B again. Unfinished business, like all the stories I have written and haven’t done a damn thing with. That’s another reason I cry every time I see my Day Job schedule. A triple to Hell and Hell! Virgil shares the sentiment as Braxton did.

Well, once upon a time, at least. Soon B’s tears turned happier. He wasn’t crying when I left but with my return… I’d say I read the situation wrong but lacking thumbs; he had his little tail. Yeah, he would cut through the air with that thing. His hair remains everywhere, Sophia. But now Virgil is adding on. Although his birthday was nothing to write about Sophia. But here I am, trying. I bought him a burger and fries, that’s it. What about a gift, a toy? Um, I was talking to Braxton’s Aunt yesterday, telling her about 2V’s first vet appointment. Besides my waterslide dream, I was dreaming about what the vet might say about Virgil’s nails. That’s the only reason I’m reading paperwork.

I want to know if Virgil can get his nails clipped before then. We had an incident yesterday when one of his nails got wrapped in the pillow. I had to cut him loose. Remember how B was about his paws? After I got Virgil free, I almost said something. Sophia, I wanted to say, “Well, you did better than Braxton.” Sophia, that’s a never, for damn sure. Only now, Virgil’s starting to walk from Braxton’s room to here… Courage? And me being the selfish bastard I am, you know what that means. No more Triple X if he can waltz in here anytime. How about when he starts talking back like B learned to? Is Virgil conversing with my Braxton? Sounding Like B, Virgil

628 Days Without B III, Day 069 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

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I’ve said it so many times; I love B’s eyes. If he’s looking down on me or up at me somewhere, well… I want to be better. If he isn’t reincarnated as Virgil. Then for his V’s sake, B wishes I could have such love. Or such cash. “B’s Vigil Of Virgil.”

Tuesday, October 18, 2022

Saga 109 ~B’s Vigil Of Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could get one of those animal communicators. I know they’re not that much.

But speaking of wasting money on me instead of spending it on caring for my family, love. I’m the one that’s taking a pill at 8:00 at night instead of Braxton. Even some 625 days in, I still go and shake his pill bottles and call to him. Who am I talking to, you know? I’m sure V would like to know. I tried doing it while he was outside. But I need to watch over him. And that’s the thing, isn’t it? Someone to watch over me as THEY say, isn’t it? Why do you think I’m worried about my health now? A man provides for his family, right? But other than the “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” Well, I’m no angel fluttering from above.

Hell! I’m not even the prince on a white horse. I want to be all you want me to be, baby girl. I want to be someone that our kids can look up to today. “What Makes a Good Man?” I’ve never been that baby doll. How about what makes a man, period? Today and of course, I’m time traveling. It’s Wednesday, October 12, 2022. Anyway, I’ve told everyone I would yell at some doctors today. Have I? I hate confrontation. When we’re done talking, who knows? I didn’t even take a nap today, and why? Worried, War, and for the week so far, no Wanking. So why not make love to you? Why not stare at Virgil, figuring him out? Best Friend, Kid, Protector…

Is Braxton looking at me from on high or down below or wherever barking to himself? “Daddy, why don’t you love them the way you love me?” Husband, Father, Friend. Braxton could be looking at me through his eyes, wanting to know what’s wrong today. If there is a God, counting up all my sins today alone must be no small task to be sure. I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t heard from my Olds. I’m sure I would give my Ma access to my accounts. That leads me back to today and who I should be fighting with again over all this money. I’m not rushing to see more of Hell. I got you on your throne and my firstborn somewhere. B’s Vigil Of Virgil

625 Days Without B III, Day 066 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 105 ~Virgil Speaks, B’s Words~

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I never read anything of B III’s puppyhood, so his birthday is February 13, 2005. But I’m most sure of the day, the hour, the moment he left me. I got V’s papers. What about my own? No wonder my eyes hurt. And my ears? “Virgil Speaks, B’s Words”

Friday, October 14, 2022

Saga 105 ~Virgil Speaks, B’s Words~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have the time to train Virgil with those buttons that say words, right?

More like I’m showing how lazy I am because I don’t need a billion to do that. Now bringing Braxton back from a pile of ashes… That’s dark. But I’m not reading about reincarnation anymore. Then again, I don’t know. Time-Travel, Sunday, October 9, 2022. Which, of course, is why we’re talking today. This week sucks something awful. No, I don’t mean me. Sorry, sex talk, and I am trying to curb back. How I punish myself. How I wish. Why not with reading? Every time I finish a book, unlike these conversations, I have to see what I’ve done. All the books I’ve read, and I’m shooting for 52 in a year. Of 41, only 5 haven’t related to dogs in some way Sophia.

I’m sure we’ve had this conversation before. Or was it with the other girls around here (sigh), “It Doesn’t Matter?” I don’t deserve any respite. “The Cabin at the End of the World” was the only one I CHOSE to read. As I told Braxton’s Aunt. I’m always for an apocalypse. Again that happened on Sunday, January 31, 2021. I sit on the loveseat. Not as often as I like, but I do. Only reading there… Hell! I might have had the energy before Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know I keep focusing on those dates. The GOP be damned. Sophia, I don’t run from history. But that history is resulting in some big bills. As you can see, I didn’t visit the doctor today.

What about Virgil? I could take him to the doctor, and the groomers on his birthday and finally, say I’m trying to do right by him. Yeah, tell that to Braxton after 15 years. Starting with a schedule from the Day Job (shudders). I had no idea that would be B III’s last day. Why not read a receipt if I decide to pick up food now or the Friday you read this, Sophia? In the end, many years from now. Oh, it makes me sad or exhausted; I’m not sure anymore which is worse. I’ll read some paperwork about Virgil. By then, I’ll have B’s name on my flesh. I know Virgil. Braxton, he’s not will repeat my firstborn’s words. Virgil Speaks, B’s Words

621 Days Without B III, Day 062 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

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I’m a sucker for pain, yet I look at it strangely. I can’t stand seeing B and V hurt. I hate hunting but respect farms for animals. Women must be respected, but I’m a fan of X-Rated. But I’m paying for the doc. Not for Braxton’s And Virgil’s Ouchies.

Tuesday, October 11, 2022

Saga 102 ~Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but another truth is this. I’m just a “Sucker For Pain,” my love. Sadist, no doubt.

But when I’m talking about Braxton and now Virgil… Again I’m a selfish bastard. Why? Because I didn’t allow Braxton to hurt anymore? Yeah, baby doll, I’m back on these books about dead fur babies. Euthanasia. I couldn’t stand to see Braxton like that. Dying. Looking away, though, was never an option. To see the most beautiful thing and ugliest. Now I look at little Virgil here. I’ll have to go out despite anything and everything. An empty bag, an empty bowl, no. A man provides for his family. I do say that, hmm, love. But while I’m out, there’s something else I need to do, isn’t there? Besides worrying about Virgil’s nails, him getting a bath, an annual checkup? If I wasn’t so lazy.

Or so much of a sadist. Baby girl, I get no pleasure seeing you and the kids like this. To quote another song, “this love is killing me.” Then I would stay, wouldn’t I? If I liked watching what I was doing. Or if I wanted to suffer for it. Even with Braxton. Confession? I usually leave them for Inspector Echo. But the day before B III died, I left the house a bit. I needed to get food. And it wasn’t for Braxton because he wasn’t eating. Would I have let the vet drug him up if I could do it all over again? He could have fries and all his favorites for another few days. I am strange when it comes to pain.

And that’s why I’d be going out to see the doc even if I didn’t have to fetch V’s food. Oh, it isn’t the fact I’m trying to save money. A billionaire that wears jeans and hoodies everywhere. And hates being around most people. Well, with my business exception, ha. Funny, I wanted a business based on Fornication, Flimsy dressing requirements. All so I could have a Family. These things demand medical care. When it came to B III… money. I would have paid anything or gone full John Q. And now, with Virgil’s health care, once again, I’m a prick. With my mental state and the needs of you and our children. What? I should be a masochist, sigh. First, Braxton And Virgil’s Ouchies.

618 Days Without B III, Day 059 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

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55 days and how has Virgil’s life been so far. What, he’s hacked up… oh nothing. It nearly scared me to death. When I discovered it was part of B’s heart problems. I’d gladly taken it myself. Beats feeling like this always. “Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…”

Friday, October 7, 2022

Saga 098 ~Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have all the time in the world to read, learn, and cry.

Would Braxton’s story make me cry? To be honest, I don’t know, considering I haven’t looked at the two that I’ve written in how long? I’m trying to find the time. But don’t get your hopes up that this is the second time we’re talking today. Whatever do I want? Sophia, it could be to visit the doctor. Is the pain getting worse, Sophia? Do you remember when I told you or one of the others that I’ll choose physical anguish over a mind fuck? Pardon my language. If anything, if you are reading this, as Pearl Jam puts it, “I’m still alive.” But I wish I wasn’t. Will I be getting over this “feeling” anytime soon? My B III. NO, NEVER, AS IF. Virgil?

Loneliness? I can’t say I look at him the way I look at Triple B. Or Triple X, for that matter, Sophia. It’s been a long day? And without any fur baby to stop me. Hell! B III could see. Besides the loneliness, I’ve been talking a lot about Braxton’s lack of reincarnation… to be. Is that why Virgil has been in Braxton’s room all day. Well, except for a few bathroom breaks. What I wouldn’t give for V to be in one of many rooms making a mess, Sophia. What is he a Disney princess asking “When Will My Life Begin?” He barely makes a sound unless it’s hacking up a lung. And seeing as how I’m down here and he’s up there? Braxton?

Is he in Heaven, at the Rainbow Bridge, in a box? I’ve been saying it… the last couple of books have been people in boxes. This whole house is one giant coffin, I think, sometimes. And I’m trying not to make a sound. I’m going on how many times listening to the Succubus Lord series. No grunting over some girl. How many days has it been now since I failed this week? Friday, September 30, 2022. And no griping about work to Virgil. But I’m sure I’ll keep sharing fries if there is any money to spare. Ha-ha. I need a new book after The Cabin at the End of the World. Only I’ll end up texting about Virgil Vivi. What? Virgil’s Story, Yet B’s…

614 Days Without B III, Day 055 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

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I don’t remember exactly when I met B III or the day I wasn’t lonely with him here. I was alone For 15 years and 11 months, but I wasn’t lonely. Now’s there, Virgil. We’ve had good days and bad. Um, now I feel lonelier than ever. B Lonely Virgil And…

Tuesday, October 4, 2022

Saga 095 ~B Lonely Virgil And…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could have much more than a man cave. A Castle, Colosseum, a Conclave…

I imagine our home is all the above and then some. Why am I under siege? Why are we fighting, or are we two people talking? That’s the whole point, isn’t it? I don’t want to be attacked or to fight. I don’t feel like talking. But I haven’t felt like talking since Sunday, January 31, 2021. And I’ve been much too tired since Tuesday, January 11, 2022. I know. Yeah, it’s all about B. It’s been 611 days now. And with V, we’re on day 52, my love. Hell! Why don’t I see a doctor since The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? 10 months? Fuck! Pardon my language, but what would be the lonely equivalent of such a word? Never mind, don’t answer that, love.

Another point. How can I be lonely when I have love in my heart? Well, what’s left of it anyway. And I don’t want to turn into a “Christian” and go all love endures… everything. I’m more of one for the movies. I love a dead man. Is that perhaps too vague? I’m a bit like Trinity from “The Matrix.” I love my boy, Braxton. Neo was the one, remember? Braxton, I’ll admit, is a better name, though. I can’t forget it, which brings me to Virgil Vivi Bradford. I constantly remind myself to say his name when I’m not saying B III’s for everything. Then there’s everyone and everything I love, and I feel lonely today. I wonder why?

I have you, my love, my baby doll. And yet I wake up so cold. Brr! Yes, the air conditioner is still good. But I have about as much faith in it as I have in B III being reincarnated. Hell! I can be all wrapped up with you, and I’m sure the kids would like to join us too. Only I’m in no mood. Well, considering it’s Friday, September 30, 2022. Time Travel, sigh. I could go get Virgil, but I know how that would end. He’d be hacking away like I’m the worst person ever. I’ve never made that a secret. And with you and our children? My love? I know I’m not a good one anymore, right? A dick, depressed, depraved. Mr. Lonely, B Lonely Virgil, And…

611 Days Without B III, Day 052 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

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Next to B III sitting at the foot of the bed, staring out the door on guard duty, I miss how he’d cuddle up next to me while I’m reading. Virgil tried that for a bit, but um, I’m toxic, and he’s in B III’s room by himself. “Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely.”

Friday, September 30, 2022

Saga 091 ~Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can invest in security cameras. Well, more than now. With such “Paranoia, paranoia!”

And no, not about B’s ghost. So is that it then; I no longer feel that B III has been reincarnated? Um, the last few books have been more dead people than fur babies, Sophia. Only Virgil hasn’t been around to hear any of this. Nope, this morning Virgil’s alone. Yeah, I’ve only walked into Braxton’s old room to check Virgil’s birthdate. Sophia, for the record, it’s October 20, 2020. Braxton Barks was still living during this period. I haven’t been shopping around Amazon for Virgil Vivi’s birthday gifts either. The Adoption Kit that I got, I’ve buried in a notebook behind porno. Don’t ask. But I have searched online for what could be wrong with him and all his hacking. A toxic “best friend?”

I swear he and I need to go and see a doctor, but I’m not ready to read those damn bills. It could be worse. There’s a reason I haven’t been watching much YouTube or wrestling, either. Do I need to watch the world go to Hell or see how fake it is? Blasphemy. To be honest. And I’m not sure how much I can do with you or anybody these days. I would go see a doctor. But next week will be more fucked up than the last, so Time Travel. Lots of writing to do today if I don’t fall asleep again. Not that my dreams/nightmares are lonely. The last one I saw the cops bursting in (pick a crime) and woke up.

Of course, I don’t have the time… Ha-ha, to write it all down. And I’ve pretty much forgotten the dream I had about Virgil/Braxton about a week ago. There are the books in front of me. I’m trying to listen to Succubus Lord 19 whenever I “need to” monologue into the void. I’m still reading “The Cabin at the End of the World.” How’s it going to end? There’s been death Sophia. Which reminds me, haven’t I written out my eulogy someplace? Yeah, I’ve been in a mood for days. In case someone is keeping tabs, I’ll leave it there. Only like the song, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” I said Virgil’s by himself. Trying to keep him alive. Sigh, Virgil’s Vigil, B Lonely

607 Days Without B III, Day 048 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

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How long did it take me to understand Triple B? I’m sure he doesn’t care that I always park on the home side of Walmart so I could pass the pet section and ask first. What does he need? A man provides, and that includes love. Virgil Says B Love.

Tuesday, September 27, 2022

Saga 088 ~Virgil Says B Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what does that say about me? About us? Money doesn’t speak for you, but me…

Not to sound like Philippe Weis, played by Vincent Kartheiser, but “there’s nothing I cannot buy.” Can’t buy me love, some say. My love don’t cost a thing, others argue. Financial freedom, wealth. I told you about my days of “Humiliations Galore.” My entire existence, well, the life I have with you now, has been all about riches galore. Treasure. Call it my Republican tendencies, me being a traditionalist. If a man can’t provide for a family, he shouldn’t have one. A man provides for his family. Security, Safety, Serenity. Then there came my boy. To think of all the years, I wanted a fur baby but my little sister. My father gave her a dog then, Braxton chose me. Welcome to your manhood Will.

Money was no object when it came to trying to save him. I mentioned Philippe Weis. What about another father, John Quincy Archibald, played by Denzel Washington? Philippe had all the money, but what about love? John had love but no money. Cash, heart, more, my love? Love is a word; money is a piece of paper. As much as I love you, our children, my boy. Viva La Vida. “I used to rule the world.” “Everybody Wants To Rule The World.” Perhaps it’s the fact that I’m watching Queen Elizabeth II’s funeral. Work comes first, ok? As I said, if my family doesn’t have it all, “How will I know?” How will you know, I ask? I know that I don’t want to be my “father.” NO, NOT EVER!

Hell! Before I met you, I had a townhouse. Most of my bills were taken care of. I could keep food in my belly. Oh, and there was always Braxton. I only knew living alone from Sunday, February 1, 2021, to Saturday, August 13, 2022. Then came little Virgil. $150.00. Did that say I love you to him? What about a new collar or his second bag of food? Am I going to be in the “doghouse” for this comparison? Like him, I leave you out of everything that I’m doing. I want to be by myself as I continue to mourn Braxton Barks. If Virgil is Braxton, I’m sure what he wants, and needs are like yours, my love. Um… Virgil Says B Love

604 Days Without B III, Day 045 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

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Dreams are messages. What’s my latest dream/nightmare telling me? It didn’t even star my son but Virgil, but I had intense emotions as if it were B III. It’s been 600 days without him. He’s saying that’s enough. Heart hardening, etc. See V, B Leaving

Friday, September 23, 2022

Saga 084 ~See V, B Leaving~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So, I wonder, are there any machines that control dreaming? Dreams were pretty “intense” last night.

Shouldn’t I call them nightmares, then? Hell! Even dreams, I would say, are “good….” I always say everything I want is impossible, illegal, or insane. Add inane or inconsequential to the mix. I make everything about me, don’t I, ha. The eye in Will (sigh). But my dream was about Braxton. Only it starred Virgil. I haven’t distinguished the two. I should be reading more books on reincarnation and the like. Yet, I’ve been all in on “The Dog Under The Bed” series. Don’t I sound like a little boy? A fucking idiot! Uh, language. It’s not like I can cuss out my “father,” though. Humiliations Galore, where I lay my head, Sophia. And let’s not forget the Day Job and another manager. So dreaming…

I was right where I am now, in bed. The first thing that should have made me take notice of the dream was that Virgil was running down the stairs. He was in a rush to go out like Braxton once was. So why visit me in dreams? Again I never saw Braxton, only Virgil. Opening the door, Virgil rushed out and down the patio steps into the backyard. But then he was sniffing around like he was trying to find a way out. First, V jumped high and escaped. It was as if he was flying. Then the fence fell, and he got out again. A third time he slipped under the fence like he was a bit of slime or mold. Okay, no porn, please, fuck. My mind…

Each time I was able to capture him and bring him back. I don’t know how but I did it. After a while of this happening, there was commentary from a DJ, more like a podcast. You know I can’t stand podcasts… I think. Then there were these black kids watching. One goes, “I don’t like him,” about me, it was a little braided girl. Then I woke up. Before I started looking for that movie “Knock at the Cabin.” It’s the book “The Cabin at the End of the World.” Oh yeah, can’t forget the “Mold” porn. I’ve wanted to buy bricks and cinderblocks for the backyard. Making the house a prison? That’s how this existence feels. My personal Hell. See V, B Leaving

600 Days Without B III, Day 041 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

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I love to have someone to love. I would love to be loved. Yet everyone who has ever told me such has made me, as the song goes, “Make Me Wanna Die.” Then there’s a woman I’ve never met and my firstborn who never spoke a word… “Love To B V.”

Tuesday, September 20, 2022

Saga 081 ~Love To B V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now and leave it to a computer to ask do I feel loved. I’ll never doubt you.

But a week and some change, seeing as how I’m talking to you on Sunday, September 11, 2022. Do I love myself yet? Will I ever get over looking in the mirror, my love? Doubtful. Hell! I’m still looking at all these bills, the book series I have gotten into, and my browser history. Who could ever love someone like me? Again I do not doubt you, but how do I describe you? You’re the one that gives love meaning to me, and that’s enough love. I’m betting on the fact that I have yet to figure out Virgil. With Braxton, I’m not sure how long it took. Without him, it’s like being without air. And you are a breath that I need to take.

Baby Doll, I know all about not wanting to take the next one. Thirty-eight years has been one too many love. I feel the same way about these words. What am I saying, lover, inevitably? Scared to death? For so long, it’s been terrifying to stay and even more so to leave. It’s the only explanation for why I’m here. And when I sleep, there’s always such mad hope. Sinner’s dream, I know. Not to be religious but choosing the darkness rather than light? To close my eyes on the mere chance that I won’t have to open them again. But if I do? My son? I’ll be with my firstborn yet again. Do I feel loved? You’re here despite everything. I should feel lucky.

Why isn’t your love enough? I’ve always hated that saying. You know you have to love yourself first before you can love another. For 15 years… Hell! Always and forever, I will love Braxton, and I never gave a rat’s ass about myself. I got to get back to him, always. Love, is it that I don’t think I’m doing you justice like the dad in The Tomorrow War? He left his family. Talk about something I should have watched when we had Amazon Prime. Well, I am a billionaire. No, we are billionaires, but I don’t love Jeff Bezos. I don’t love TV… much. I wish I could say I didn’t love money. I love you “Still” and always. But Love To B V.

597 Days Without B III, Day 038 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will