Author: Will

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

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I think I was more like Brutus today because I completely butchered my feelings today but is it not ambitious to try once every week talking to the future wife, yeah that’s a job position nobody wants, Step Into My World. “Caesar Was Ambitious Will.”

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Episode 226 ~Caesar Was Ambitious Will~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, maybe B III should have kids and though I agree with decreasing the surplus population as in spay and neutering “pets” I would never have that done to him and besides like father like son. We both aren’t ones to trust; you remember I would say, if you’re not my dog, my girl, or applying for the position don’t touch me and what anniversary is it again, just kidding but yes my love, you get the job, good night, good luck.

You see Caesar didn’t have anyone to cover him, but I have you, Caesar wanted the world, and you’re mine, and the Caesar salad… I think that is for Caesar Cardini actually, but you know I make a mean grilled chicken salad. One of many things I learned to make though I can’t say I have much range in the kitchen only the fact baby girl that I was willing to wish on every star in the night sky. Hold my breath until I found the right word, that I fell for you, Caesar was never so ambitious; he wanted the world, I wanted you. He landed at the feet of men, and how you love were lost in a graveyard; yeah pretty dark but how many men have wanted to win your heart and the fact is that Here And Now, I’m Still Standing.

Why… because of our little ones that want “Yoda” rides, or must my back remain strong to carry Triple B in his old age, hell I had to get stronger to bring you over the threshold, (I say that before Valentine’s Day, seriously gulp) maybe me and Caesar are more alike. Could it be that I wanted to wear a cape for once and be a superhero, you’re not in distress, you would be a great zombie apocalypse partner, or I can no longer deny that there is a Heaven when I lie down in bed and look In Your Eyes. The fact is I have chased everything under the sun because I wanted more for me, then for you, then for us and am I only now realizing I have it all right now.

You’ve Got It All over him, blood, sweat, and tears I’m sure and what’s that old saying, what doesn’t kill you… I’ve always found it funny that the first moments of love are like that, again falling, heart skips a beat, Take My Breath Away and all that. Caesar didn’t expect to die and still to be with you is Heaven; even if I conquered the world, you are mine, and the rest is yours, yet Caesar Was Ambitious Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 225 ~Someday Is Not A Measurement~

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Someday is more than a song I played when I thought I was going back to juvenile detention or winding up in real trouble, and more than the idea of “Happy Thoughts” that should be in my reality. “Someday Is Not A Measurement”

Monday, February 11, 2019

Episode 225 ~Someday Is Not A Measurement~

Seventy-First Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, take it, and no I don’t mean stealing it though there are plenty of “legit” laws on the books to do such a thing, what I mean is I have the right to have a million dollars. You know before talking to you I had a ranting session in my “crazy” brain about the day job and what I didn’t do the last time I was there, which to quote Bob Marley & The Wailers “Get Up Stand Up.”

Now I’ve said for a few days that I do when it comes to the day job, there is no someday, I get up right when I need to, I fight to get there on time, there isn’t a someday I’ll get this right it’s I have to get this right. Someday I’ll be the boss… no, because I don’t want to be; I’ve heard about reigning in Hell, than serving Heaven but honestly I would choose death because there was no someday I’ll kill myself, sleeping pills, Nyquil painkillers, many aspirins. Someday we all die, no one day we all die maybe several times over because for every day that starts with Y we write in someday, and where is that on the calendar, the timestamp, ruler, hell how far is it from the bedroom to this table, to the dining room, to anywhere.

Forever and a day I could quote my MOTIVATIONS or give you another song like “Someday At Christmas” why Stevie, are we talking before, during, or after, how about when I dream of revenge against my father “In The Air Tonight” how old is he again? In 1984 Winston is told that victory against Big Brother in his lifetime is not possible, he will work, do what he can, be caught, confess, and cut from the pages of history, happiness indeed was not a possibility because what happens then. I don’t want to wait until someday to find out, but again we have fear. How will I feel when I get that PS4, perhaps that next day of work, if that mom I asked out says yes, it’s just a thing, mad as Hell, and she won’t, I know that.

Someday I won’t be happy because shouldn’t I be happy now or would I instead call myself out on my language when I curse; when I say someday, what I mean is never, maybe always means no, fear is choosing to be the victim. Madam Justice, I don’t want SOMEDAY, I wish today. I’ll play Detroit: Become Human because I have time, energy, happiness, ONE DAY I’ll tell every manager to fuck off because I don’t need their work, Wednesday or Thursday I’ll have dinner with a remarkable woman and watch a movie, I know Someday Is Not A Measurement.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 224 ~Don’t B Scared Will~

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Besides being scared for my son, I’m terrified of my sins, and several superfluous bouts of reading I swear, the day job made me hate football even more so, and Humbert, Humbert, reminds me why I failed French. Don’t B Scared Will

Sunday, February 10, 2019

Episode 224 ~Don’t B Scared Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, back-breaking, behavior changing, balls, that’s B III and yeah you’re still attempting to come up with your motto, something akin to the “Fever” series by Karen Marie Moning or like “The V Games” Ker Dukey, K Webster.

You “heart” your bed as the kids say, hate it, hell head there more than anywhere else even though it’s doing the most harm and how can you say that when you wake up most days and there’s Triple B standing at attention watching the door, being a weighted blanket, buying time for the boss. Yesterday I talked about him being the man I most respected and why not… sometimes you think he has it pretty easy, but you forget that when you believe you carry the world on your shoulders, that your little hero carries you. Maybe you give some crappy belly rubs, or he’s always working, now ain’t that the word, work when’s the last time you did that for you and not someone else and they still wanted to fire you but with results, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

Three days off so you have barely looked at the man in the mirror, in the chair, or honestly doing anything but with B III, he doesn’t want you to see him hurt. Nothing changes except how strong he must become, what should be worse bark or bite, are you his boy or father? Your Motivations talk about how to defeat fear, and it’s something to the tune of, find something even scarier, Triple B gets a nail stuck in his collar, so you go to the groomers, villains have to be smart to escape capture and Rule 145 Differentiate Between Sense and Censor. Rage, Rutting, and Rapture, any of these things are better to change you than so much fear, and if not now, then when, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Balls of all kinds and it’s something when your son loses his (not literally, I’m not a monster) anyway when he’s not brave somehow you have to step up, nails, neighborhood pets, nothing but people in this world his safety is first. As for now, he’s taking a break, sleeping on his pillow, while daddy works, his bandanna/cape still on because he’s still such the hero, the huggable one, a handsome hunk as it reads. Heroes save us for many reasons, and I told you what I would say to him yesterday but since you never listen to me if B III could talk, he’d either quote Scarface or tell you Don’t B Scared Will.

Go ahead stupid nigga
Go fuck with them chicks
I’m the third little piggy
Imma fuck with them bricks –

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

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Honestly, I did not think I was going here today, more like little head instead of the big head, but what about a furry one, I should go to “PetSmart” more on Sundays no doubt, but I have my son, and I stand by him. Stand At Attention Will.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

Episode 223 ~Stand At Attention Will~

Hey Lady Lu,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become the Secretary of Defense; believe it or not, there was a time in my life Lady Lu that I said those words out loud, I also wanted to be a war correspondent and as you recall I did a brief stint in the Navy. The words are Military Bearing; do you know why I tend to make all these “personalities” female save for one; I don’t think in my life there has been one man in my environment that I have honestly respected, on a personal level I will say.

Today I was at PetSmart picking up B III’s meds, and they had an adoption thing, and I saw the cutest little dog; this furbaby was a few inches taller than my son. Oh to let dear Trible B have a few years taken back on him, return to puppy form I’d give him a sibling. My father never taught me about how to be a man, he threatened to kill me before going into the military, I thought maybe they would educate me, but I left, one uncle cheated on his wife, another married in and murdered my mom’s sister. Never met my great grandfather’s, paternal granddad wasn’t there, maternal grandfather got divorced, another uncle shot and can’t stand, one more not indeed an uncle, don’t know him, or my older half-brother, “father” beat my mother too you know.

Okay so back to B III and as I stood there, a bag full of over a hundred pills, over three months that I wouldn’t hesitate to buy again and I saw this other dog that needs a home, a family and if my little one wasn’t so old, ornery, and obstinate… Anyway so I’m driving, and I’m listening to my motivations, talking about not letting the past control you and I think of how I am and my son and our future, and there it is his obituary coming to mind. Everything I want to say to him, that it has been my honor and privilege to be his father, that if I have a chance in Hell of getting to Heaven, it will be but a word from him, and that I’m sorry I failed him. No mother, no two-legged siblings to protect, I didn’t give him the home that he ever deserved.

I’ve said before I owe Will Smith my life and as far as my “father” a man must look after his family but it was my little boy, who is a greater man than I could have possibly hoped to raise, who taught me about love, life, even lungs as I watch him breathe and I can. I love him like pancakes I always say because I couldn’t love him more if I poured the “Bisquick” and we have walked together, fought, lived and if there is any man I honestly do respect and would follow it’s my son, pathetic huh but not father, flag, or female has gotten so much; Stand At Attention Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 222 ~Will Call You Later~

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I use my phone for everything but calls, and when it does ring, it’s always bad news and when I have to call… well, I can’t say I’m any different, but there’s still tomorrow isn’t there but if I could call someone? Will Call You Later.

Friday, February 8, 2019

Episode 222 ~Will Call You Later~

Hey Lady Sophia,
How To Make One Million Dollars, if all of my characters chipped in a dollar; well, probably more than that, and what about my “loves” and I am a little down on myself about losing “it” again thinking of one pretty lady in particular unlike the two in my blog last night.

As always there’s someone to call for stressing me out, whether intentional like my “father” or people that don’t know they’re doing it, like the man that came out to treat for termites. It’s my neighbors that I might have to wave to, and you know that I want children “two-legged ones” someday but that doesn’t mean I have a clue how to deal with them, I almost had a heart attack as B III’s leash got stuck on his collar. As for being trapped, the day job; it’s like being in room 1408 even if you leave, you never do, seven years of my life and that’s the thing, institutionalized maybe, what are my motivations always saying, when you want to “succeed” as much as you want that next breath, well there you go.

So I keep telling my characters that I’ll call them, today, maybe tomorrow, do you ever think that they could be out there and as a writer, a god you stop talking to them and what happens next. What about the Future Wife, Dirty Diana, whatever girl I was writing poetry about at any given time, remember my LSD Tirade with the Winx Club, before they got the black one? The fantasies, wealth, women, and the world will have to wait until I get up off my behind won’t they because in reality when the phone rings I either don’t pick up, dad, or the day job, what about the dumb spammers, one more worry.

Only I don’t worry about that man in the mirror that I’ve been staring at more and more since I caught sight of my teeth, sometimes I even forget I don’t want to answer anybody but especially not him. How about Triple B, when it’s not dark outside, and he’s ready to go out, five more minutes, another hour, one more day… no siblings, no mom, only a dad who’s ears are too filled with motivations, my promises, and monsters. Too many, I can’t hear the call of the man I should be, the woman that wants me, or whatever that force is I pray to, to protect my little boy but every now and again something does get through… maybe Will Call You Later.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 221 ~Can Be Border Will~

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Anywhere but here, indeed what do I do here but sleep and dream of something better and if I’m awake the little head isn’t helping either, always on edge and trust me that’s not glory, no somebody else is marrying “J Law” *sigh*. “Can Be Border Will”

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Episode 221 ~Can Be Border Will~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
How To Make One Million Dollars, become a private detective, think about it, I’ve already had some call me a stalker, like I would waste my time, then again how bored am I, idle hands and all. Take for example yesterday how I found another way to kill time, I take one photo of some European models and next thing you know I have a whole new gallery ready to go.

Pinterest is another time suck though that’s more “research” hell Dennis Hof built over half a dozen bordellos, filled with girls to his liking, only as “Cherry” pointed out I’m only creating a spank bank. I suppose some men dream of going to Bora, Bora, is moving to Las Vegas not big enough or more like Carson City, now that’s a life goal but while I want to tour the world one day “when” I get that far I want to run the place. Keeping my eyes open as it were but from the moment I was born, I became aware everything I wanted was wrong in one way, shape or form, the feminine form.

It’s like I have something akin to borderline personality disorder but then again what do I know, as a matter of fact, my Dirty Diana, what does anybody know about me… yeah, this is going to be less sexy than I hoped, but I’m on edge slightly. My relief is borne from my words hopefully. Even my characters are usually a bunch of smarty pants that read into their hustle, hoes, and hijinks; and this type of work I don’t find hard at all, and it would undoubtedly beat organizing shoes. Talk about boring, but it kept me from watching the clock and that I’m still doing; when your enemy is bound to show up any minute; knowing why you hate them so much honestly.

I could probably use a nice Bordeaux right about now if I were a drinker, but I only have one drug of choice, and I’m trying desperately to keep it under wraps because if I saw her or them naked… a man can dream. So much for my boredom am I right but let a man live in his fantasy even if it winds up sending him straight to Hell but the big head and the little one are stopping cold, and with good reason indeed; Can Be Border Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 220 ~Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will~

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Rule Fifteen, “I Take My Own Lumps,” if I do something wrong, I take responsibility, according to my motivations you must with every area life, even when other people are stupid, but like Spectrum it still sucks. “Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will”

Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Episode 220 ~Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will~

Forgive Me Echo,
How To Make One Million Dollars, you know that I could “SUE” somebody… one of my coworkers, though to be fair he did mean well, I could sue the day job in general, and how about the “catalyst” for my writing; today isn’t so much my sins, so we call these things…

Ignorance, that’s why they don’t let me answer the door at the day job anymore, too afraid I’ll Let the Right One In, excuse me, I am a Real American, Let Me In, plus I’ve always had a thing for Chloë Grace Moretz, along with European witches, and Ellie from TLOU. And speaking of people that wouldn’t, shouldn’t, and that I couldn’t drag through my door because I’m innocent, I open my door to every Tom, Dick, And Harry, and I talk too damn much because nobody asks me anything honestly about myself unless they want to use me. Man, Monster, no I’m a moron, but I’ve seen what stupid people can do, they can become President, penis meet pornstar, they can be “freaking” Phenomenal.

I, however, am guiltless, now I’m not a saint, but I am selective of my sins, and as I said, today I didn’t do anything wrong or more like yesterday when I got called into the back and accused of missing six days of work, an excuse to get rid of me, and I ask you why Inspector. Am I that much of a danger to anyone… I mentioned the “catalyst,” and things I wasn’t guilty of but called anyway and the lesson, not all things are meant to know writing or reading and sometimes people will only offer you silence. My son B III was right, wanting to scare away anyone at the door because if he had succeeded, I wouldn’t be so paranoid but why is it so wrong to want to better my situation, have I ever mentioned how much Spectrum sucks.

Instead of, well you see I’m the nice guy, most girls never see the dominant, and while hating myself would count as a sin, I absolutely love that guy, commanding, controlling, capturing, like Shusaku, Isaku, the corporation in “StudioFow” movies, customers in Vault Girls; what if the government is correct, porno along with colluding isn’t a crime. Add that to the long list as to why I don’t break hearts, maybe I take things like this too seriously giving a part of yourself to someone and thinking they keep it and not throw it away. Most if not all of these things aren’t crimes though and yet the need to apologize only continues to grow, but not to my job or anyone here but to that innocent bystander in the mirror, Gutless, Guiltless, Girl-Less, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 219 ~Will Walk With Me~

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“Run boy run” as the song goes and the sitting down only gives me more time to think about the job I’m running away from or getting kicked out of, what about exercise and then again Office Space much? “Will Walk With Me”

Tuesday, February 5, 2019

Episode 219 ~Will Walk With Me~

Dear Future Wife,
How To Make One Million Dollars, talk in a funny voice, maybe like the first time I asked you out, that moment at your door, how about getting a word in edgewise when we took B III for a walk. As always I am a traditionalist so was it standing there waiting for you or watching you walk down that aisle, the running to be by your side when I honestly “poured the Bisquick” and ta-da more kids, and then there are days like these my love.

You know how I guard my words but truthfully, walking up to you… it was like a graveyard at night, the first charge of a battle, taking Dante’s place in the Inferno but what did I expect wanting to reach an angel. It was wanting your company more than the air that I breathe and yet feeling like I’ve run a marathon, every breath, knock knees, heartbeats cascading with every footstep. “THEY,” say dogs know people but my little boy, “He Don’t Love You Like I Love You,” but with all his barking and pulling, hell that was an easy walk, and I took your hand in mine… where are we going, we didn’t ask.

All I know is that I wanted you beside me and again, I’m for tradition but not a church guy and yet there I was to know Heaven’s Light, and I asked myself what took me so long, time to make turtle soup, give up childish things. Only I’m not feeling my age; I want to teach the kids about Star Wars, rush back and forth watching The Walking Dead, even stand in line for movies the likes of Trolls. Today though all I want to ever know in this life is I’m Coming Home To You to rant, rave, respite, and relief lie imminent, to find rest, a moment where I never need travel.

It’s amazing how many steps I’ve taken for people that don’t give a shit about me (yeah I don’t like swearing, intelligent but a bit pedestrian) so the question is why did it take me so long to move towards, well something, someone that I love? Sometimes I’m not the man I want to be, sometimes I think I’m not the man you need, and when I was a boy it was walking no running, we can just lay here, only my love can you ask, Will Walk With Me.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 218 ~Anxiety’s A Bitch, Not Her~

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Dear Anxiety, she’s either the girl I am continually paying for, or she’s my “Daddy,” so it’s a good thing I’m finally sitting down to write this although it’s late, yeah anxiety never let me out to play. Anxiety’s A Bitch Not Her

Monday, February 4, 2019

Episode 218 ~Anxiety’s A Bitch, Not Her~

Seventieth Rule Madam Justice

How To Make One Million Dollars, Cosplay, though I’m not so sure it works the same way for males in that area and though I might sound redundant, while I have a million problems with my face, I’m somewhat cool with my body but not “gay for pay.” Yeah, I’m nobody’s bitch, and I would call myself out for my language but the title; anyway let me state for the record there are plenty of women I “dislike” but for the most part with them, a more proper president said:

“the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Now I know, as always, this is more a conversation for Dirty Diana, I will call a girl plenty of things in a moment of passion, talk to the MILF or @courtscandyshop, but that’s more Dominant me than whoever I am at any given point. My “father” often talks about us being alike and haven’t I told you before he might hide his anxiety with pure anger but as for myself “THEY” say I wear my heart on my sleeve. These days it seems I like my anxiety, afternoon naps, and “ACHING” more than I like any girl and then I’m upset, but if there is any “bitch” I’m upset with, well, there’s a mirror.

You can’t call a girl a golddigger if you flash your cash, can’t blame her for getting scared when you give the Hunchback a run for his money, and when your fingers speak more truths than your mouth well, that’s how we roll. I need to break-up with my anxiety, and as far as dumping someone, now that’s a talk to have with Inspector Echo, maybe I should be like Sheldon and have a council of ladies at some point right? Perhaps Anxiety is like the best friend, and while I may have fantasies of two girls at the same damn time, she shouldn’t be one of them of course.

Another way of looking at it is that I’m being stalked by it and you know me, I don’t want to hurt anyone surprisingly enough, so I attempt to stay far away, and I keep myself from having any real true blue life. As my motivations go, take responsibility for my life, there are three girls I’m thinking of tonight, but I am far from a player, must mean I need to fire the fourth ugly chick from my stable… Anxiety’s A Bitch Not Her.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 217 ~Will Hunts Big Game~

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Does fishing count as hunting and how about when you feel like more the prey than the one hunter, and with these “fangs” of mine I would never be caught smiling though there is so much that I want. “Will Hunts Big Game.”

Sunday, February 3, 2019

Episode 217 ~Will Hunts Big Game~

To Will:
How To Make A Million Dollars, get yourself one of those helmets like Daft Punk and become an artist of merit and then maybe just maybe, you might Get Lucky, or so you think right? Suppose you’re creepy enough that you should let your quarry see you and while you hate the concept of hunting, you can at least make it fair, you’re not a liar are you; well other than to yourself, but it also explains why you have told yourself that story of D’Leh and Evolet.

Shhh, be very, very quiet, yeah right Super Bowl Sunday and all, but if you’re not looking forward to that, what is it you’re searching for; the Beast had it easy, Belle came to him. Cyrano had all the time in the world to get used to his nose, and Bobby Brown/Michael in Two Can Play That Game, well, you know. Anyway answer the question what do you want Will, a clock big enough to encompass the time needed for B III to live, to see you make something of your life; Level 14 on the 13th remember that. Virtues made bigger and vices smaller, now that is all kinds of dirty but speaking of the muck and the mire what about this list getting even greater, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 035 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
    Failed
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
    Failed
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
    Failed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

A big fat zero, has it been so long… hell maybe you should find the day to shoot down, rub out and clean this list but yes this is my fault even with all the time in the world to “TRY” and do something. Now you don’t even remember how long this particular list has known to repeat, other than five and that was about two weeks ago, again there is so much to read and learn. Nice if you did that in a dentist office too don’t you think; no you’re wanting to keep C-Notes because you know what you’re looking for next isn’t that right, but shouldn’t you focus on Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
  4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
  5. I Will Read “Lolita” Vladimir Nabokov
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Always or at least according to your motivations you should be a better man than you were yesterday and honestly when you’re hiding so much, the mirror is bothering you more and more, how do hunters take pictures of their kills, yeah you’re killing yourself, Will, figuratively speaking. Hello, honestly, you practice saying that in the mirror constantly to hide, you sing it to “Triple B” and isn’t he in the same predicament mouth-wise, and of course, you want to text it to the other MILF but that takes heart, and such matters, seriously Will sigh Will Hunts Big Game.

I Will Have No Fear