Author: Will

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

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Name calling, I’m guilty as charged myself, but I will never be one to prescribe to the old rhyme of sticks and stones; my father had one particular name for me, and I refuse to feel that way, NEVER AGAIN. A Fool For You or someone probably

Tuesday, June 26, 2018

Lesson 360 ~A Fool For You~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, well if I can make you laugh, I can make you do anything? I’m willing to do almost anything. You heard me right I said almost because I’m not *sigh* stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I’m A Fool For You all men are for their women, we can be idiots, hell I swore I’d figure you out someday, and here I am continuing to wonder Are You Into Me and why.

I’m not a smart man… but I know what love is. ― Forrest Gump (1994)

In high school I took a class in French, the language of love and I never got anywhere with it, I had a hard time just speaking English to you, but I learned, I evolved because the first time I saw you well, my heart skipped a beat, I had to catch my breath and my footsteps… They say silence is golden, but I Can’t Help Falling In Love with you, the way you smiled, how your eyes lit up, the way you touched me, your words, almost every one of them, again almost. Only a fool thinks anyone is perfect and I never asked to be a wise man just your man, and if that makes me a fool, well you laughed right along with me, and that’s enough.

Even though I call myself Le Maquis de Joker I only wanted one person to laugh, maybe a few more with the kids, but I’m not good with dad jokes, neither was my father and that’s the reason I say almost. I Will Do Anything For Love, but I won’t do that, and I don’t mean making jokes. Before I even started talking to girls, I wanted to be a comedian because they made people laugh, and before you ask I still hate clowns but for the kids, for you… I won’t be a joke, I can’t, I won’t ever, I’m no genius, but I refuse to be stupid or even thought of as such, I will not be STUPID for you ever; I can take a joke, but I will never be a joke in my home NEVER AGAIN.

“Heh… C’mon, Leslie… can’t you take a joke?”

Leslie Zevo: “Oh yeah! I love jokes! I love all kinds of jokes. But you know what I don’t like? I don’t like people trying to kill me, hurting my family and my friends, and destroying the whole world as I know it. That just doesn’t sit well with me.” ― Toys

Call me whatever you want, your husband, lover, Will, you don’t even have to talk to me at all because you know there are days when there are no words but if there is one I will not stand for, that I refuse to feel it’s stupid, never but always love A Fool For You.

Matchbox Twenty ― Mad Season

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

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We see what we wish, you can’t see air, but I still breathe right, they use the same argument for God; I’m not looking for breaths or it, I’m looking for is power, whatever it is that makes people move, myself included. “The Force Is With You”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Lesson 359 ~ The Force Is With You~

Thirty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, because despite all this hate and everything else love continues to exist and no I don’t believe love is “The Force” it is not one emotion or even several, it is something much more? According to Star Wars which I am an avid fan of The Force is an energy field that connects all living things and is generated by living entities… I believe that more than any God.

I am not a religious man though I did have a period in my life when I sought out God though I mistook that for what I truly desired and that Madam Justice is power in all forms though there are some I value higher than others. “Indiana Gone” and “Okay” might argue that I favor “The Light Side” goodness, knowledge, empathy, compassion, but hatred, fear, anger, desire is more of “The Dark Side,” and I can’t avoid it. Last night was an example, I was so tired, but it was lusting for something, rather than love for myself that kept me going a while.

It all comes down to energy and mine is at its highest levels when I feel hate, when I’m hot as Hell, have you ever been afraid Madam Justice, that is the force being with you, and while fear can be a weakness considering how long I have survived it can be a fantastic strength. The same might know acknowledgment for sex, that desire can infuse you with such power always to do what you wish regardless of anything else; it gives you what it takes to win. In a word, FIRE, sometimes it warms you, you can use it to burn others, it may even consume you, but every fire needs something to keep it going, when you’re all alone it takes little, in the darkness you need the light, and when fire surrounds you, either blend in or shine brighter than ever before.

“If you want to take the island you need to burn the boats.” —Tony Robbins

Now as I said, I am not a man of faith but do you want to know what The Force is, to me it’s getting up every morning and doing this for damn near a year, writing every day and for what? With everything that has happened, it is something that says this can be different; I do not want to live this way, I do not have to die this way, not if I am with The Force and The Force is with me Madam Justice, I must remember The Force Is With You.

“I’m one with the Force, and the Force is with me.” Chirrut Îmwe, Rogue One

I Will Have No Fear

Psychopath’s “Pray” For Better Books

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Sometimes death is not the end, and then you read something like this and wonder how someone could get something like murder wrong in the end, but it was more than that, still gave it three stars. “Psychopath’s “Pray” For Better Books”

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, and it is a shame I thought so highly of this book, it’s a shame like that psychology class I took in high school my preparations were inadequate, and it’s a shame that against my better judgment, three stars. Noted I might not be a smart man, that class I took pretty much proved that, and with all the psychobabble I’ve heard I’m not qualified to talk about it, but Psychopath’s Prey by V. F. Mason come on.

Not a title I sought out, “Dark Erotica” reading group book of the month and this V. F, Mason’s work has shown me that maybe it is okay to skip one because honestly, I wish I had with Psychopath’s Prey. To be fair with all its flaws, I was ready to suggest it to a friend of mine and then what happened… Chapter Twenty-Five occurred, and those four stars drifted quickly to two and then maybe I thought I am unreasonable. When these things happen I always want to blame myself first, but when the rest of the story went on afterward I thought I was stupid, maybe I still am, maybe someone should explain it to me one day.

Okay, long story short; Ella, tragic past wants to feel better about it or go all avenging angel, and for a moment I was rooting for her until yeah for someone with her background maybe she is in the wrong line of work. The serial killer who I’ll name later is practically the same, horrific past and in the same line of work as Ella, hoping that such tragedies don’t occur with anyone else, other than parenting issues, I couldn’t get into either one of them. This story is one of those crime shows with some sex thrown in and considering I liked Chloe and Simone more than I loved Ella already I knew this was bad news all around.

Still, four stars because even though it was extremely predictable right up until the end, and that was a surprise and not a sexy one but an incredibly stupid one, why do I keep wanting to defend this book wondering if there is something I didn’t understand. Girl, FBI, Boy, Same, love and reasoning, I knew it would have a happily ever after but then one screwed up chapter gone.

There will be spoilers from here on out, an official warning but if you’re leaving three stars if you like predictability, the bad boy and good girl finding love and if you like family drama bloody, then it’s a decent read. Now Ella and Kierian, that’s right I said it, Kierian, I knew right away, and I was wishing and hoping it wasn’t Preston which is one of the things I’m taking so personally honestly.

I haven’t read “I See You” by Ker Dukey and D.H. Sidebottom in the longest time and I’ve read both of them individually because I won’t be rereading V. F. Mason hopefully, seeing as how Kierian is directly relatable to I See You. There was a twist here and there but not one of them enhanced the story more like, well okay then, I kept turning pages only because I wanted the whole motive. If Ella had become Kierian you would have another title “Whispers In The Dark” by LeTeisha Newton, I don’t blame V. F. Mason for having ideas along those lines but in the execution of said ideas…

Other characters were merely there to populate the world, and you can’t fault a guy for having thoughts about Chloe, Simone, and Ella, I got more of a kick out of my imagination than the goings on of the story. Ella and Kierian had some hot sex scenes, and the bloody scenes were gory enough but again tamed so that this could work on TV any night of the week. Preston, Preston, that is where I got lost, how I became infuriated, and the moment stars began being deducted, honestly what was the author thinking with that climax because I don’t understand in the slightest.

I’m a bit of a writer myself, and I know what it’s like to rush to an end and wanting a twist, but that wasn’t anything but noise to distract us from the ending we knew was coming anyway. I’ve been going back in the book looking for any clue and why even bother building Kierian up at all making him a criminal and then let’s have Preston to hate because of course Ella loves Kierian, and he needs to look less the monster now.

I’m not this book’s target demographic of course, get any straight guy to read these works, and you’ll question what all women are thinking, but I only suspect the author and myself, two stars if I stay mad, three stars by the work itself. There was plenty to like about the book if you’re looking for something that you’ve seen before, the characters are one in the same, and you might want to feel like the smartest person in the room for a little while.

As I said the sex is decent, the imagined sex is better; you can understand Ella and Kierian’s feelings though they are spelled out for you, and the intro to the characters is pretty impressive. Not that you know how or why but a happy ending is a happy ending and however you slice it, get it, Kierian is making the world a better place; I’d be all for such an avenger. There is a trace amount of mystery, that .1% but it’s enough to make you think isn’t this ironic rather than moronic for a few seconds and then okay where was the surprise?

I despise Chapter Twenty-Five for taking me out of the story and making me the idiot, math books make me feel stupid but this was a first in the erotic genre, and perhaps I’m not. I hate the fact that Preston is a killer, that it’s the quiet ones you have to watch, this is personal what the hell is wrong with being quiet it doesn’t make you a psychopath, this is the worst stereotype other than myself being black. We get everything on Ella and Kierian but yeah where is Preston’s story a few sentences and it doesn’t matter he’s gone quite quickly boom.

Did I relate to Preston, I don’t know enough about him to say, but he shouldn’t have even been a character for such a farce of an ending as this book is given, right out of the blue. For somebody that liked explaining nearly everything why am I left with this feeling of utter confusion and anger, but are is supposed to have you experience something and if that is something of Psychopath’s Prey well, Psychopath’s “Pray” For Better Books.

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

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I’m not happy that’s no secret but something people don’t like hearing about, amongst other things which explains why I don’t talk, well anywhere; places I can go, women I am into, but am I happy, my dog might not be. Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated

Sunday, June 24, 2018

Lesson 358 ~Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, to be honest love has not been the theme of this last week, and I only hope you can do better, mostly because of the dog, he needs you, and I need you to… what shake it off, let it go, try it again? Yesterday I was blessed, and tomorrow you will still be blessed but isn’t it ironic to have so much and to want more and you know exactly how to get it, or you have the faith which only adds to such confusion and fear.

Your fears should be tomorrow’s problem but when you were walking the dog this morning, you felt alive, not happy, it’s been so long since you’ve known that, not even satisfied, only you were “living” and with the concept that you could die at any moment. Spiders, snakes, people, hell I feel you, I had my hands on my knife when the AT&T guy showed up so if anything I didn’t want to die and while suicide is always on the table it’s under a stack of books, a pile of candy and the dog’s outside/inside routine. At first, I thought maybe we wanted to bury the fear from the “Al Bundy Shift” but since that’s finally canceled… why all the options and the list, of course, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 99** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 106** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of Psychopath’s Prey by V.F. Mason
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The Prophet” By Celia Aaron
Completed
6. I Will “Edit” One Hundred Poems “The Bedroom Soapbox”
Completed

“You Always Hurt The One You Love,” this is the second week, and even now the little boy is annoying you, another reason you’re a writer because you want to remember and not hurt him with some hasty word you can’t recall. Much like a pretty girl, I never forget a beautiful face “As Pink As Lily,” “Ariella Ferrera” (Ariella’s Areolas), “Lucy Blew,” “Alyssa Branch,” “Belle Noire” (Nasty Noir), “Cassandra Sarbeck” (Lady’s Night Blow Out) how many of these are mine and how many are yours? Too many damn options, it’s like you’re being torn apart at the seams trying to fill the void of however you were before, again why you’re a writer, listing memories and Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation

So the question is how do you cure your discombobulation, you need focus and discipline obviously on your craft, but you keep looking at the destination instead of the journey, captured by the past and shuffling towards the future. Happiness is nowhere for the moment, only desire, want, need; you’re sacrificing the wrong thing when it comes to your dog, no you must find something else to lose because I ask Art Thou Happy; Discombobulated?

I Will Have No Fear

The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits A Book Review

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How I wished for a five-star sequel, and here we are, and already I can’t wait until I get my first look at the promised land or “The Church” but “The Prophet” was able to move the mountain the last inch, so? The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits

Was it God, the “Father of Fire,” “The Morningstar,” hell one of the things I love about writers is the ability for us to play God and with “The Prophet” let me say in Celia Arron I trust no question. I am sure however that many of you do have queries and if the first one is this book worth a read, well my review of The Maiden (The Cloister Trilogy #1) was four stars, this one gets that final fifth star and well deserved.

If you want to see what I thought there “Hey There Delilah, My Maiden” was that review, as for this tale we are brought back almost immediately where The Maiden left off in a state of “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” Delilah is in trouble from all sides, The Prophet, the son, the senator, or would it be better to say the father, the son, and the holy ghost, either way, she finds herself trapped in Hell once again. The Prophet’s whose anger and madness knows no bounds, Adam who makes her body burn with unholy desire or the shame and rage that awakens through Evan Roberts who wants her for his own.

I brought this up before how religion will use beautiful women, and whether it’s their heat, the dark desires that burn inside because trust me if you read this title you’re not exactly innocent, or the knowledge of what The Prophet does, to quote a more reasonable madman, there will be blood. Besides The Prophet and Evan Roberts and the “hero” Adam other characters have been expanded such as Grace, Adam and Noah’s mother and Noah himself as the crimes against the maidens grow ever more heinous but who Delilah is investigating is brought to light. The sex is still somewhat subdued but with everything else that is going on and the explosive ending two sides of the same coin.

Some people might be turned off but this title revved me up, if the book were any more on fire I would be worried it might go all “Fahrenheit 451” in my hands, no this title is nothing like that only the emotions that will burn inside you from everything. Anyway, that is enough of me blowing smoke but remember there’s an inferno waiting once we pass the first darkness which is Delilah’s destructive indoctrination.

Spoiler warning ahead if you haven’t read the first book; ready, okay, we start with dear Delilah being locked away for her escape attempt from Heavenly Ministries and a while at least she is a shadow of her former womanhood. Adam Monroe is, of course, letting more of his sweet guy persona show while maintaining the brooding boy motif that makes all the woman go knocky in the knees as he lays even more of a claim on his maiden.

While The Maiden focused more on the sexual training of the girls and there is plenty of sex in this we see more of the violent side of Heavenly and the madness that has created The Prophet and his victims. To take the body is one thing, someone’s life is another but to declare war on the soul; I was somewhat taken aback at the shift it Delilah’s personality; it’s when I saw everyone else that I felt indeed a bit hopeless. Not that the characters aren’t good but how Adam is coming off with his new plans and I remember someone once saying that if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your ideas, the problem is as the song goes “there are too many prophets here” honestly.

Adam remains mostly the same, a love-struck fool, with violent tendencies albeit he has grown bolder but the things a man will do for love or obsession, to see that The Prophet could show such restraint when it comes to Delilah. If the characters aren’t chasing love it’s power which brings in some surprising twists and turns; there was one, in particular, that might have sucked me in and then threw me out of the story so much that I thought my Kindle was screwing up again. That part of the story comes back around eventually, but I was so confused for a bit, though it made my heart jump; there are other parts of the story that brought out a leap or rise to other parts of my anatomy.

Other that Delilah and Adam, Evan for as twisted as he is, I believe is quite compelling and if the location of the story hits too close to home for me, the politician I think we all know someone like that, *cough* president *cough*. One character meets a violent end; again if you got into the first book you weren’t holding out much hope for him or her anyway, but with the death, we are witnesses to one mind-blowing revelation; still, Delilah has no clue.

Is that the reason I gave “The Prophet” five stars, it might sound better than paying attention to Evan, the bloody nature of this story, the sex between Adam and Delilah or should I say Emily, big spoiler but I would have given anything to be Adam at that moment. Yes, there will be more spoilers from here on and things I didn’t like, but that can’t take away the five stars this book truly deserves, it is quite incredible.

For example, that moment Adam and Noah run into the FBI, my heart dropped and then the moment was just glossed over and eventually comes back around to one of them wearing a wire, what all transpired at that meeting? I would have liked to see more “Zombiefied” Delilah/Emily and especially would have enjoyed watching her beg before The Prophet after her torture or something between her and Sarah, but that’s only my wishful thinking. Delilah/Emily does a full 180 or 360 from hating The Prophet, loving him, hating again it happened a bit too fast for my taste honestly like her grueling torture could be reversed in seconds though I am grateful it happened.

My favorite part of the entire story was when Adam chose to save Delilah/Emily the only way he could, though he had already taken her virginity he needed everyone to see it done this time and that was the hottest action. Evan attempting to court Delilah/Emily and the other things he did to her, a terrible man but compared to The Prophet he’s a saint, don’t get me wrong he is all sorts of evil. There’s a toss-up between The Prophet killing and then finding out who murdered Delilah/Emily’s friend which I will leave because it is profoundly shocking but what is Adam to do; if he lives of course.

I give it five stars because it was a little bit sexy and a little bit bloody, throw in some revelations, and you can’t wait, but I am, so much stuff on my reading list but not if, when you get “The Cloister Trilogy” make sure you read them all because I intend to. Will they have to add another star for the third book “The Church,” the chapel and the cathedral are a bit too out there for my liking, what am I saying, The Prophet’s Proprietary Perfect Profits.

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

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Fear is the monster, and the weapons I have aren’t doing anything to kill it, do I even want to anymore, I’m tired but everything is keeping me on my back or my ass, but at least I’m writing, and words are weapons. “And Other Dangerous Weapons.”

Saturday, June 23, 2018

Lesson 357 ~And Other Dangerous Weapons~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, I suppose some people will answer yes even if they don’t mean it when I’m in the ground, but today I’m Alive; so why is it when I saw 357 I immediately thought about a gun, I’m an American, I’m suicidal, what keeps me on my back?

If anything my day job, I didn’t start sleeping on my back until I became terrified that I would lose my employment, I’ve only ever been late once, and I was wide awake at the time, though generally like Frankenstein’s monster I rise because the job is killing me. How many times do I say I love my dog like pancakes, but like any parent sometimes he becomes my excuse not to do something or to do everything, but love can be a lot of things including shameful. It’s almost as if one should be ashamed of being depressed, for having the blessings that someone like me has, and I am blessed Lady Luna I see that; a bed, a couch, a chair, a dog, so many soft places and some people only see such luxury in a coffin, and that’s if they’re lucky enough.

Speaking of luck the worst weapon that I use against myself is LUST; if I go to Hell, more like when; I can only hope I get a circle two offense, and the sad thing is I can’t even name everything I’ve looked up this past week or even the past hour. I’m so far from paradise nowadays, but I want something higher; I keep telling myself that but as I was saying to “Cherry” yesterday that something greater will probably come with brunette hair.

You would think I wouldn’t look at the ground so much but more at my wooden dining room table or something else that’s indeed rockhard, writing, woody, the weather though I like the rain somewhat which matches my mood, slow and dark. The clock is another source of motivation and irritation over how much time I waste doing nothing it’s a constant struggle it wears me out. Besides lust, SLEEP should be considered one of my seven deadly sins; I have to give up sleep, somebody said that’s when the real work begins when you’re tired and hungry, not that I’m helping myself when it comes to food either sadly.

So day job, fatherhood, depression, lust, writing, time, and sleep, see it doesn’t take a 357 to kill yourself not when there are so many choices And Other Dangerous Weapons.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 356 ~Words You Can Bank~

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You can’t get rid of words, while money is another story there are always more words to say and for me always more words to write even with my anniversary coming up, a whole year of things I shouldn’t speak, how about The End? Words You Can Bank

Friday, June 22, 2018

Lesson 356 ~Words You Can Bank~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, how about next year, maybe in July, hell how about “tomorrow,” another one of my favorite words going with “someday” and “discombobulated,” they aren’t getting me anywhere, but they feel great to say? Well more to the point write and in a week I will have been doing it for a year, talk about passion, desire, stupidity and everything else, and I wonder why I write as always, but words make me feel good, why writing’s HARD.

For example “Okay” doesn’t like nasty names and at the same time words like, beautiful or sexy get me nowhere, but it all starts with knowing their name and wasn’t the point of all this for people to know my name? “Block and Report” are two more of my favorites, or maybe I have gullible written on my forehead, but then I wouldn’t have to do so much for my protection. Now that might be something will talk about next week, why I got into this blog but that’s more words that make me feel bad, but the one I have been attempting to take back is my name, so yes my name is Will.

Writing that complaint against Church’s Chicken today while a waste of time was pretty good, Subway threw in a couple of sandwiches and how I hate looking at receipts nowadays. How about the feeling I’ll get if I ever see my name in something published, I found some of my old books, and there was a bit of pride, like seeing your name on a paycheck before you realize how many bills you have to pay. I think one thing that has been consistent these months is I Will Have No Fear; it’s not helping.

The dog’s barks do more for me to be honest and while annoying as Hell, it means, he’s still alive, and he’s keeping me alive but my problem is so many people waste air on words, and there is one more reason I’m a writer. Don’t you remember what it felt like when people use to text, the same with email most days it’s only more words, and I want my words to mean something?

The more words I write or I should say published will give me more time to think of sequels, but for now, the best words in all of writing history that bring me joy and make me feel the best about my writing are The End, Words You Can Bank.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

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Domination 101, how much do I know and what do I believe, this might be an ongoing series considering it has nearly been a year, hell might be a book idea, but I’m talking to the wrong woman, all of them in fact. Give A Little Bit

Thursday, June 21, 2018

Lesson 355 ~Give A Lit Bit~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again after I tell you why I’m a dominant and not like Christian Grey though I am a sadist, I like hurting brunettes, but I love my mother very much and the black women I do like… Zoë Kravitz, Alicia Keys, and Amandla Stenberg before she shaved her head to name a few. Yes, I want the pain, the humiliation, anger, fight, and submission, and the ironic thing is I would never do this to the everyday person, while I loathe humanity my aunt was right and wrong about me destroying the world, that’s just dumb Diana.

Already this is more than I have time for, but unlike lovemaking, I will try and be brief and let me start there, the world has taken so much, I ration myself, I rip myself into pieces and then try to hold it together, to be an Ordinary Human. I have felt all of the above, pain and the like and while Yoda famously said fear leads to anger it can also lead to courage and with it power and where would you want that power to go… vengeance? A person wants to fight, and they say, “you want a piece of me” now not every girl I lay eyes on is love but rather “a viable romantic partner,” and she deserves far more. Indeed it demands my all, and so a submissive gives so must a dominant like me.

Why do I attract the broken and the dirty, because I see and as much as I hate this word “potential” I don’t want to change them but build them up, girls will tell you, I learn all about them, feed them, comfort them and at the same time I want the Madonna and the Whore. I’m sure Sigmund Freud, would have something to say about that but I also mentioned anger, and no I have never abused a woman, and maybe this is fucked up, but I want a woman to know exactly how I feel, the power over oneself finally taken and made desirable. I often say I want a girl that would make an incredible zombie apocalypse partner, a warrior and someone like that must know all of me, the Negan and King Ezekiel, the North to my Markus (Detroit: Become Human, my obsession), the Belle to my Beast, all that I am is yours even If Only For One Night honestly.

This is only the tip of who I am I mean, why am I into an innocent “youthful” look, why do I prefer silk, ribbons, sheets and using clothes rather than leather, ropes, and traditional restraints but I am a dominant because a girl deserves more but why with the world as a whole do I Give A Little Bit.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

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Freedom from everything but living, fear itself is my cage, and nobody is going to sign some paper to get me out, and that is one more reason I am a writer, though who listens to the crazies and the stupid… America. “Cleaning Out My Cages.”

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Lesson 354 ~Cleaning Out My Cages~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, now I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to anybody, but I feel like a better man compared to the would-be president, hell I never put my dog in a cage but the groomers might have at some point, and that’s for less than fifteen minutes. Then again since he is a Chihuahua, though I’m reasonably sure he was born here, he was taken from his furry family and became my nephew and eventually my son; I don’t know my human nephews, but that’s a long story.

So besides not giving a rat’s ass about most human family and my dog’s upbringing what do I need forgiveness for today, on the one hand, there are things that should know freedom from cages, closets, coffers what have you and things that should be locked up. I did let my dog out today, going potty on the floor does not fly in this household, and he was mad I didn’t walk him early in the morning, too busy trying to put food on our table. That’s how I spend my life, and anything else is for the most part sleep, what do I know about freedom, considering my fascination with the “white room” concept.

By that I do mean my writing, hell most of these thoughts should never see the light of day, what would the bitch think (who cares), what would my mother think and “Indiana Gone” doesn’t mostly. Now a “penis portrait…” yeah that’s something crass though I know one woman that asked me and another sent me her nude pic, well they both did, I’m on day 102 of No Fap. If I weren’t konked out hours ago I would say I have a ton of pent of energy, rage mostly, so no sex or violence, I was nearly ready to open up the coffers and buy surprise, surprise, “Detroit: Become Human” but I still don’t have a PS4 and haven’t I wasted enough money Echo.

As terrified as I am about my Al Bundy shift, still no word on getting out of it I guess I need a release somewhere, but as I tell everyone, everything I want is impossible, immoral, illegal or insane. So forgiveness Inspector Echo, forgive me for putting up the gate and locking my son in his room, for not knowing what to do with my freedom, for making my mom cry (if she knew me), for not keeping it in my pants but I haven’t done anything stupid, edged some.

How about for wanting to waste money and for being scared though I am “trying” to keep my fears locked away; does popping myself with a rubber band regularly count as self-harm; one more way of Cleaning Out My Cages.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

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My heart has a cage, and yet the love I feel is allowed to travel, and so I am not a prisoner, I am free to know what love is or at the moment empathy, even my dog is in a cage, but he went potty on the floor. Caged Hearts, Wander Away

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Lesson 353 ~Caged Hearts, Wander Away~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, I find love is not some finite resource, between me, and all the kids, including the four-legged one, you wonder why I want to make even more sooner or later my love. Speaking of which, where are the ones we got, I never pictured myself a helicopter parent or someone to relate to Trump but that’s why I have my first born Chihuahua outside surrounded by a high fence, I have to keep an eye on him and even you I believe.

Not in a Christian Grey sort of way; I trust you, and I love us, and I love my dog like pancakes, and as for our other kids, I love them like; hell, how can something so small create a love so gigantic? If only more people were like us, the idea of bringing life into this world of nourishing it, terrifies me because of the people out there and the people we become, it hurts me to lock up my furry friend how would I ground someone? As long as I don’t become a man like Trump or my father, heartless, thinking I can throw money at anything, favoring one life over another, violence *shudders* I want them to feel loved, proud, Live Brave.

“If I had just one wish
Only one demand
I hope he’s not like me
I hope he understands
That he can take this life
And hold it by the hand
And he can greet the world
With arms wide open.”
With Arms Wide Open

Sad that I look at my adopted son and see that he has become so much like me, so full of fear, anger, and hate, he doesn’t even like Star Wars, you do know I’m introducing Luke and Leia right… kidding Katniss, Tris, Ember, Lena, Bella, I could go on, and as far as boys, not Will, that tradition dies with my father. I want to introduce our children to a world full of hope, a place where they can choose because if we must decide for them or control them, then we have failed, they won’t go breaking statues or messing with gorillas. Everyone knows what I would do if someone harmed my first, may God have mercy on any who have no regard for what’s mine no matter the number of legs… as I said the things, we can become with such love.

Forever and always I want us to be a family, Mommy and Daddy, all the kids, nobody has a right to take that away from us no matter where we are as long as we love one another. I see so many parents alone or even losing their kids; I wouldn’t mind losing ours for a bit, because we’ll always be husband and wife as well; Caged Hearts, Wander Away.

Close Your Eyes And Wander

I Will Have No Fear