Lesson 219 ~Dom Like You Mean It~

I can’t tell myself anything, but for her, I will do the impossible and for me well… how about everyone else, I don’t need a crown or a whole lot of money it helps though just saying. Dom Like You Mean It.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Lesson 219 ~Dom Like You Mean It~

Eighteenth Rule Madam Justice,

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, a dominant has no reason to fear, is it because he has whips, paddles, canes, of course not, is it because he has ropes, and chains, if they’re needed that’s not dominance, is it because he instills fear, the answer is no. A dominant must have control, no more, no less, control and power; control is his but power is given by those that serve, one who willingly submits honestly.

Domination might be a conversation better had with Dirty Diana, but I will try to keep it as clean as I can, god help us, you know that’s not my strong suit, a lack of control thereby I made it a rule. I read somewhere, and this is true that if you enter the lifestyle, BDSM and it’s only about the sex, then you’re in it for the wrong reason, sex is great but why I’m a dominant is for the control and the power. For me this expands far from sex, we don’t fear what we can control, and there are plenty of ways to gain that but imagine if you could just be you, as the bible says no weapon formed against me shall prosper; fear, violence, weakness.

“For Me… You Will” michellegregory.tumblr

People get it backward, a submissive has all the power a dominant has control and when a dominant can willingly get this person or anyone to want to hand over power that is the turn on. A submissive says I can’t, and a dominant speaks you will; there are millions of ways to do this, but when she wants to, I don’t need my hands or gifts, no I don’t need anything (other than their legal consent). To get someone to do what you want, hell even without asking, cue the Homer moan. As I said though I want this in more than the bedroom, I can only imagine the man I would be if my inner dominant came out.

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.” Oscar Wilde

The lesson today is if I can be the man who gets a woman to so selflessly want to be mine, who can get a woman to let me see her naked, and I’ve never sent one “pic.” The man that somehow talked a woman from my door to my couch, to my bed, then how dare I look down on myself at all truthfully. I can do what a little boy once thought impossible; I can lead, I can rule, if I want power, Dom Like You Mean It.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

I wasn’t ready for their hatred, and or to hate myself, what human being is, we learn to hate, and not to love anymore, but what about winning, tell that to the teams in the Super Bowl, I’m ready to watch… the commercials. “Ready For A War,” no.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Lesson 218 ~Ready For A War~

“Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist.” ― Bill Pullman, Independence Day (1996)

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, remember, remember the fifth of November, or how about August 6th, what about The HARM of a Cookie, even the time somebody strapped a pair of panties to my jeans in high school? My point today is that nobody is ready; today is the Super Bowl and while I despise football… maybe that’s harsh; I hate my boss I dislike football anyway no one is ready for a fight until you’re already in one, sad to say honestly.

“We’re not built to kill. We don’t have claws fangs or armor. Vets, they came back with PTSD, that didn’t happen because we’re comfortable with killing. We’re not. We can’t be. We feel. We’re connected.” ― The Walking Dead 6×04

Am I trying to talk you out of tomorrow, my friend I am afraid that is out of my hands, you are at war with your soul I know but one man’s destruction is better than unleashing Hell, but somebody smashed your gates, that asshole did and now? Who prepares for this even if they do, nobody ever is but you’re a just not like them, and because you can’t be, no you won’t be, you find yourself here; it doesn’t mean you can’t be better, I always wish that. Speaking of which before I get too carried away what about those six impossible things how did that go for me with this last week?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 32 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed, I’m starting again Day 7 (Haley Pullos as Belle Knox)
2. I Will Keep Working The Day Job Despite Everything
Completed barely worked at all
3. I Will Not Spend A Full Day In Bed (Not More Than 8 Hours In 24)
Completed, but already failed 2/4/2018
4. I Will Forget About Last Week
Failed, you kidding me, right?
5. I Will Focus More On The Dog And Pretty Girls
Completed, my dog and Indiana Gone was here, that’s enough?
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel
Completed, isolated one chapter

Though I failed at a couple this shows that I do have what it takes to win at least to some degree but what about tomorrow, the day after, this whole month, look at it this way you just have to carry this week. How long does it take to win a war though because surely you haven’t hated yourself forever and that’s the problem with these things you rarely remember why you’re fighting, but you soldier on because there is no other way? Trust me I’ve tried, words fail, silence fails, what about competition, it worked for the Greeks, and now cities are set to flames, I want peace.

This week though I doubt you will see that, shouldn’t that make the list of six impossible things, don’t hold your breath, literally because this week will be a fight but besides that what else:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 07 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Stay Employed In My Day Job, Do The Right Thing
3. I Will Not Know Intimidation By The General Manager
4. I Will Decide What To Do With My Day Job Account Against That Man
5. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter

Honestly, wish you had an Annie Cresta to your Finnick Odair, is it ideal to fight when you do it for the ones you love I wonder; I love my dog like pancakes but this war my friend, in the end, it’s only you. As Haymitch told Katniss, I leave you with this “Stay Alive” but why don’t I ask you to win because you have to want to but nobody ever is you know, nobody’s Ready For A War.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

A whole week off and all I could do was think about is my history with a job and my future, how do you know where you’re going, when you don’t know where you’ve been and why couldn’t I just enjoy being. “Making Some Black History,” I should have

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Lesson 217 ~Making Some Black History~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because I’m black and no I’m not talking my race, but at this moment I have a job, I have my words, and my bank account isn’t empty. The thing is with all that; I am looking more forward to the ides of March. Most days I want to survive the night now I must endure the month but what about tonight?

First night back at work in I don’t know how long and this will merely be a prelim to the rest of the month I have to get through, and we’ve been done this road before. As much as I want to believe that everything is going to be okay isn’t it ironic that words got me in trouble with a young woman and silence got me in a predicament with that bastard who’s my boss? Makes a person not want to exist but now I’m not going down the suicidal road again, that’s perhaps why I’m so screwed up sadly like everything else I do it’s always for other people but not myself ever.

“A true suicide is a paced, disciplined certainty. People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Robert Frobisher, Cloud Atlas

Why should I make their job easier I ask you by maintaining the status quo, my dear Lady Lu am I becoming political and did I mention that I’m fighting another black man and for once not the man in the mirror? I asked Lady Sophia the other day when will I start doing for me and not for others, even now another author wants a review, and he along with one more wants me to be part of their review teams, and I told them no. At the same time though I want to remain a slave, hell I fight for the chains and wear them as hastily as my name badge and lanyard because as much as I speak to the contrary, I am afraid all the time.

You know I learned something today, history is not written by the victors or by the survivors, history is yours the moment you are no longer afraid, and if I were to begin to write that history you know what word I would start with honestly? “No,” and maybe that’s disappointing but what has yes gotten me and I’m sure I’ve said the exact opposite of saying yes to everything but until people understand no they can’t appreciate yes. No, I will not die today, no I will stay in the black, and “KNOW” I will Make Some Black History.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 216 ~Beautiful From A Distance~

For once I look to the future with hope instead of dread, no my dear Lady Sophia all the terror lies here in my words, no wonder I write for others and not for myself after will be more beautiful than now, I think Beautiful From A Distance.

Friday, February 2, 2018

Lesson 216 ~Beautiful From A Distance~

“I just like admiring pretty things from a distance” ― Benji, Alone Together Pop-up (2018)

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore; everything is so far off in the distance that you lose all fear of it, editing my book, editing my statement for human resources, or even writing something for Publishers Clearing House. To be fair PCH probably has better odds than the first two, and speaking of people I feel like I owe, don’t I need to write a book review as well, today’s the day right?

A whole month has passed, and I haven’t even looked at my finish novel yet for NaNoWriMo, though I can’t say I’m any more excited that I was when I first finished it. There is also all my procrastination; I swear if I could write excuses for a living I would be in the money, what was it this morning, I felt sick, I have to write a statement to human resources about not writing a full account. Screw PCH but didn’t I tell an author that I finished reading their work and that means one more review, I gave my word, ha my word.

I have fifty thousand words ready to roll, and instead I write about somebody else, isn’t that the story of my life, I don’t have one word for myself because I have so many people speaking for me, the man in the mirror. Lady Sophia, I dream of the man in the distance, the rich man, the wealthy man, the brave one, the guy that won’t be alone, think something like Eli Stone Live Brave. Think of this though, stars are beautiful, but they are just explosions, I’m sure some people believe bombs are awesome until they are pointed at you and falling straight down?

I see success in the distance but in my face is nothing more than a bunch of garbled words, and there goes justice, but I could get a pink slip tomorrow; what about when I was playing PCH every day, and they came here and gave the grand prize to somebody else. For now, I have one more author doing what I have already done, but she’s making money and again my curse to help other people I’m just a regular Darth Plagueis, just saying.

So when will I start writing for myself again, a better question, when will I start writing and getting paid, it’s not like it hasn’t happened? As Bill Cosby put it, “you pick” but then again is he somebody I want to take advice from these days then still I’m a reviewer, and my words look Beautiful From A Distance.

I Will Have No Fear

When Was ROMEO A Stuntman

Have you heard the latest; now I’m not one for gossip but I think this is a great book, and better than any tabloid and did you see what Ruby Rowe was wearing, four stars I think I saw but riddle me this? When Was ROMEO A Stuntman

An awesome story and let me repeat that, an awesome novel, it echoes through the ages continuously and everyone puts their spin, a twist and what better a setting that California. You know how they say, never judge a book by its cover, well come on, it’s not Ruby Rowe’s fault, but when you utter Romeo, you immediately think Juliet or in this case Ava Lane/Leoni and throwing “The Bodyguard” into the mix with ease.

Romeo is a story you know backward and forward, leaving nearly no suspense not to say it’s boring but right off the bat I give four stars just because you know what’s coming. Maybe that’s not fair of me, perhaps I’ve been jaded from well, take your pick, Shakespeare, mafia romances, the drama of Hollywood but reading this I will say I am a lot more devoted than with any tabloid. If it wasn’t Ava, it was the ex-military, rich mafia guy, dominant in Griffin Scott/Golino, talk about looking the part of your average BDSM romance though this was more than average with the story.

I don’t mean to sound so critical as I already said four out of five stars, the story itself hooks you, there’s no way you want to put it down but when you see Romeo and Juliet you read, or you watch, and you know what’s going to happen. While reading Romeo there was never a doubt in my mind about the happy ending, seriously sometimes you just think, why don’t they go ahead and pick china patterns. If you do want a mystery, you could try and pick out the other characters and match them to William Shakespeare’s classic.

I suppose I was too caught up to bother, talk about descriptive the author wants you to fall head over heels in love with Ava and there is a big reason for that. Griffin for as hardened as he is served no as more a puppet throughout the story unless he was busy saving Ava’s behind and that’s so he could spank it later maybe.

The shocker perhaps is Ava’s age, which I’m pretty sure is forty years old and goes on comparing her to a younger actress or her baby sister and how a man like Griffin at thirty could never want her. Personally, I tend to go for younger women, but the way the author describes Ava can make any man go weak in the knees, though that’s more Ava’s department being honest.

I think the BDSM elements are the only thing that made me like Griffin at all; how in one aspect of his life he was at the beck and call of his clients/principals and in the other a sought after dominant. There was also “Dungeon Six” which I wished we could learn even more about and while Matt wasn’t a compelling character he was somewhat left out. Also, the idea of Romeo when it came to Griffin’s identity, but I’ll save that for you to discover, which is easy enough.

It was strange how Ava was a reverse of Griffin, she was always quite in control but became submissive putty for Griffin so naturally. She remains true to the genre of would be mafia princess wanting to run away with the handsome bodyguard, nothing original there but the sex scenes between her and Griffin were hot. Another character disappearing was her ex Oliver however he was merely a footnote in the story entirely, nothing more.

Now Mickey and Sydney, where do you start, no secrets there and as soon as Ava covered a bit of history between herself and Mickey well; Sydney, on the other hand, was the stereotypical young actress. There’s also the mafia fathers and the family histories blah blah, new mutiny and such emphasis on friendship amongst women and the Hollywood spotlight.

Nothing surprised me, but you can read the same story so many times and find something new each time but as well written and as fascinating as it was, I was not blown away by it. Four out of five and beware as there will be spoilers headed next if you can call them that with this author’s interpretation of the Shakespeare powerhouse story indeed.

Mickey DeLuca, shall we call him Paris as he was courting Ava, a friend of her father’s, the alpha male though even more of a jerk and I’m with Griffin on the fact I would have been annoyed with Ava too. I still have yet to understand what it is with women and the mafia motif or how they stumble upon one good guy making everyone else the bad guy; I suppose love triangles are for YA novels or dirtier erotica, as my reading group warned this was somewhat tame. Characters left out and an issue here or there left unresolved gives this book a more genuine feeling, but it is not without some closure.

Other than some of the descriptive language, Dungeon Six, and the sex, the story just shows how addictive the tabloids can be, but I won’t be picking up a gossip magazine anytime soon. With Ava just living her life I liked how she began to stick up for herself against Drake and her agent without a death threat hanging Sword of Damocles style over her head, not from either of them at least. Any book that leaves you yearning for more, of course, has my vote, though it ended when it did, it was heading into Fifty Shades territory, that’s just my two cents though.

If you’ve never read Romeo and Juliet and are new to erotica, this is a great place to start minus, the stalker if you’re not into the darker themes maybe. I could see myself being a fan of Ava’s and of course Ruby Rowe, but I have to ask, just When Was ROMEO A Stuntman?

Definition Of Flawed, Madness, Love

What would be the British equivalent of the Jerry Springer show, do they have Starbucks in England, shouldn’t I be asking questions about the book, it would be like having Thanksgiving dinner with my family. “Definition Of Flawed, Madness, Love”

“You’ve gotta give me more than ten minutes, sweetheart.”
― Lia Peele, Definition of Flawed

How about a week and two hundred and thirteen pages, so am I ready to talk about it now… four out of five stars seem to dictate that I sort of want to don’t they. I think this would be more suited for The Richard Bey show or maybe Jerry Springer, hell you could throw in a few more talk show host like Maury or maybe Steve Harvey because I’m going to make plenty of mistakes with this just saying.

This book wasn’t a mistake though it certainly lived up to its name, a drunk father, college girl, a son around her age, I swear it took me right back to those chants of Jerry, Jerry, from the talk shows. Speaking of the talk, not to sound like you know who and Norway but it’s always nice to read an author from across the pond, meaning England, to be honest, this is probably the third book I’ve reviewed from a Brit that I know some. It’s sort of cool to look up words you see one way, and they regard another, but better you be prepared for it right now because it could get confusing.

Plot-wise you could see what was coming rather quickly, but then there’s the portion of the book where chairs start getting thrown and fists start swinging, glad there was a bit of that in there. That’s how real the characters feel, and you can’t help but wonder what you would do in that situation, for me this touched on a personal level, but I don’t want to spoil it yet… Don’t judge a book by its cover either, while it’s a bit racy inside and out this is more family drama, sort of like Thanksgiving all year, they could have stood to drink that much more.

Seeing as this was just the prequel to a series, I can only imagine it’s going to crank up the sex factor and that we may get even more secrets from the whole family and I will admit that it’s somewhat tempting. You’ll have fun trying to guess who indeed is the most flawed and it was surprising that a woman isn’t always right, well at least one of them.

“hot ‘n spicy loving, hmm.”
Lia Peele, Definition of Flawed

Paul Jackson is probably not the typical bad boy women think about, criminal, billionaire, ex-soldier, a prisoner with a good heart. He’s a regular working man with a penchant for alcohol. Though older than Scarlett I’ve read through all the types. Of course, you know right off the bat that he won’t win, then again who knows, the start of the series but yeah no, he has plenty of fun.

Scarlett Trent drifts between that young, have fun college girl and homemaker mentality, knows what she’s doing in the bedroom and honestly tries in the kitchen, she stocks the fridge. I couldn’t see myself falling in love with her, but there is somebody for everyone and her and Paul… seriously whoever wants to tell their parents their right about relationships.

Then we have Dev, and cue Taylor Swift, I knew you were trouble when you walked in, but that could also mean Paul as well, like father, like son I guess but you knew at least the Scarlett and Dev portion of the story in seconds. Having read a preview of the next book, well maybe it’s a bit too soon to start making those sort of predictions.

As for other characters, you got the college friends, the boys looking at Scarlett like a MILF, and the typical mommy and daddy dynamic, which was a bit too reasonable to be believable but maybe that’s just me. The only other most damaging character is Stacey, and again I’m not trying to give anything away, but I think the term ratchet should apply to her. Sort of an avalanche of exposition, a moment of remembering who the real enemy is, and that’s sad when it comes to her but a quick break from the sexual tension. For all the rapid sex scenes between Paul and Scarlett it does cool down rather quickly, but the story is intriguing.

“I took one look at him and went in the opposite direction.”
Definition of Flawed

Hopefully, as the song goes, you’ll follow me, as I was telling the author my Kindle tends to lose everything or maybe it’s a trick from Amazon to get me to buy more books, but I became invested enough to see how this turned out. It is a solid four out of five, and any significant gripes; the ending is a bit lacking, and the story like most trailers nowadays gives up, too much, too soon, and an overflow of revelations doesn’t exactly make up for anything, like Dev you’re like what the hell happened.

You might want to turn around now because I’ll try not to spoil a lot but there were plenty of things to like such as you guessed it, the sex scenes, short but dirty and Scarlett is a woman coming into her own, and then a kiss… The revelations scene while being a bit much will bring out your inner drunk, thanksgiving relative nature, or talk show persona, I can’t stress that enough. I’ve also stated that you’ll be looking up things like does England have Starbucks, just thinking of Scarlett’s coffeehouse profession, and of course a bit of language.

The ending, the timeframe goes from a coffeehouse girl to now, and I suppose the author wasn’t interested in a few weeks of crying, but there had to be a better way to transition. When Paul talks to Scarlett about Dev, it’s like okay and then but wait there is so much more, and it’s just rammed in, tying up Dev in a cute bow and lead to something big? In an unoriginal fashion and strangely enough I believe in love at first sight maybe you have to be a woman to understand what goes through the mind of any girl seeing a man and suddenly it’s just okay dibs.

Other than this I haven’t read any of Lia Peele’s work but this one I will be on the lookout for more of her books, not waiting in line, first day on Amazon, but more like, okay I got this oh look another Lia Peele novel. Now if you’ll excuse me since I don’t drink coffee and I’m not a big drinker I’ll drown in more words to be sure, Definition Of Flawed, Madness, Love.

Lesson 215 ~Who Falls For Heaven~

I suppose it’s a good thing that Heaven can’t hear me, but that doesn’t stop an angel from listening does it, though I have yet to decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Who Falls For Heaven, it’s not a lie, I hope not, but I’m not getting in.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Lesson 215 ~Who Falls For Heaven~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore though I should be, shouldn’t I? This whole week has been about being a man. Well let’s be honest, I think I’m less. Only just a man and what can men do? We chase goddesses, angels, queens, princesses, and everything else; I read once about how men are told to build Heaven for angels do not live in Hell, do they?

I don’t look down on women, I’ll even go so far to say that all women are beautiful in specific ways, but my grandmother said I was full of pride, don’t know how but a man wants the highest caliber women he can find or I do at least. The question becomes though why do I chase the most righteous, the most innocent, and the sweetest and suddenly turn around and call them sluts, bitches, and whores with passion. We talked about my mouth before but don’t they say, a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets?

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions… He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

It all came rushing back to me when I saw some of that movie “From Straight A’s to XXX” which is about Miriam Weeks a.k.a. Belle Knox, starring Haley Pullos; made me break my “No Fap” streak. Only this isn’t me being bitter what I’m talking about is I’m all for keeping a girl on high, the higher she is, the less accessible she is to other men but if you place her to too high then, will I reach her? When it comes to me every day any woman will tell you I’m shy, introverted, reserved, hell I have social anxiety but when it comes to the bedroom scene…

Now while I don’t share Phil Dunphy’s stance on powerful “black” women, and yes I love my mother and my sister just saying. I do like women who hold maybe not power precisely but again righteousness, making her turn her back on her morals and surrendering herself to baser instincts. Heaven and Hell both need acceptance but a man somehow fighting his way to Heaven is one thing an angel choosing Hell is another, and we meet in the middle.

“You’ll float, too, you’ll float, too, you’ll float, too… YOU’LL FLOAT, TOO!” ― It (2017)

It’s strange that I don’t like masochist because they enjoy pain but to take someone who doesn’t and teach them to want it or again a woman who considers herself a slut is good but making a good girl become one is even better. I think denying what we want is just as good as being dead but tell me honestly, Who Falls For Heaven.

“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.” ― by Marquis de Sade (1740–1814)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

At least Walkers or the standard zombies are asking for it, but as for me, I just want to get through my day the best way I know how but apparently that’s not normal and if I’m not one of them? “Not One Of Us,” I just can’t run away though.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

Born in grief
Raised in hate
Helpless to defy his fate
Let him run
Let him live
But do not forget what we cannot forgive

And he is not one of us ― (Not One Of Us) from The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride (1998)

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, as a matter of fact, I’m not a lot of things. I’m not some victim of abuse, depending on how you define it, I am not a human being, again what classifies as human, and I am not going to live forever, have I at all? Speaking of my sins what am I, a coward, a hypocrite, unemployed, not yet anyway I haven’t sent in my account of things at work still.

If I haven’t said it before, how dare I, you know I’ve had my misgivings about the “#metoo” movement mainly because I’m ashamed of my actions towards women, and worse I compare my predicament with my boss to such maddening suffering. My entire life it’s, I’m not black enough, loud enough, and just not like them, so I continuously shift between being a monster and then not worth having a life at all honestly. Don’t worry Inspector Echo I’ll be alive for some time yet but as the song goes:

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had (Mad World)

So what is stopping me from telling someone other than you and maybe Indiana Gone; I can’t say that my goals were genuinely noble when I wanted to report my boss, and there is a fine line between justice and wrath but what happens if I don’t tell? I won’t lie, and if I don’t I’ll get fired but don’t I pretend all the time, at church if I weren’t a Christian my “father” would beat my ass and at work… no job, no life. I have to keep my job at all cost, but instead of spreading my legs or ass cheeks as the case may be, I’ll have to open my mind, to break my heart, to open my mouth to lie on myself, to open my eyes and watch that bastard laugh.

Again my oldest sin, this rage that I feel and at the same time, in an exact moment of “Doublethink” I will kowtow, I will worry, I will know fear because when has anything I’ve ever written helped me? The idea of being an ordinary human, at least in America, I’m a slave to my phone, I keep up the status quo, I lie like anyone else because while the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil, it means I’m not dead yet.

So can you forgive me, may I have absolution, monsters don’t deserve it, and the problem with people is they always are sorry, and I am tired of being sad just being me and as they all seem to think now Not One Of Us?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 213 ~To Hold Your Hand~

Must like The Beatles, just saying, and I know plenty of women that have all the answers or want so much, but “I’m not saying she’s a gold…” anyway, I get why guys hold their girls’ hand when they go shopping. “To Hold Your Hand.”

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Lesson 213 ~To Hold Your Hand~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, the hard part’s over, we were given two hands for a reason and if I find yours in mine then what else is there to worry me; maybe I will always be, but I want to hold your hand through it all. I might even applaud myself but you’re not my prize, my trophy, my ribbon, or my ball and chain, keeper, whatever else, you give me your hand and you become both question and answer, reason.

Two in a handshake, four honestly, how your father would kill me and yet respect me with the other as I respect him and understand fearing for my life that he would say no to bless me with your hand. Everybody knows my answer when my hand reaches over to silence my phone while the other stays in yours until it’s time to turn out the light. The reason I might be less of a gentlemen holding my son or daughter in one hand and keeping you in the other, I guess I haven’t been a father or a husband for long, but I’ll learn.

I will never question how powerful you were when your hand was crushing mine, how the ultimate strength is required to bring life and love into the world. The only answer I may ever need in this world is knowing you’re by my side, and for the rest of the world, I’ll have one hand, and you’ll have the other. What other reason could there possibly be for two, if love is all you need, as they say, idle hands are the devil’s playthings, and here I think I found an angel, my cheerleader, the story I could never write.

Though I suppose to be your knight in shining armor, or as the song goes “and if the bank man comes to steal it away” I’ll work to keep everything, and if I can keep the dog clean… well, dirty diapers here I come. The things these hands have done, are doing, and will, my mother was right when she told me always wash my hands; how could I have known when I was young.

One day the most beautiful person, my favorite, favorite thing I would ask forever from and The Beatles had it right so long ago I Want To Hold Your Hand.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 212 ~If You Can’t Love, Understand~

Why do I hate you is the most common question but when is the last time I asked the man, staring back at me why do I love you and before I ask him to change his ways I must understand why he is the way he is. “If You Can’t Love, Understand”

Monday, January 29, 2018

Lesson 212 ~If You Can’t Love, Understand~

Seventeenth Rule Madam Justice,

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” Sun Tzu

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, or I won’t be once I finally understand the man I see in the mirror every day; love him, probably not but to get to know him… there’s a possibility. It gets harder to show kindness with each day passing and hate can be just as tricky but to understand, I believe that will save lives more than anything else.

Look at “Battle For The Planet of The Apes” there was an ape named Mandemus (The Keeper of Caesar’s Conscience and Armory) and before one could acquire a weapon you needed to explain why. I joked with a friend once that by the time you got past him you would have forgotten what you were mad at in the first place and thus tragedy would be avoided. The Jedi are without a possessive love but where they failed is their fear to understand the Dark Side, denying an enemy exists does not negate the enemy. Instead, you must contemplate why it is so to hate.

“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” ― Verbal, The Usual Suspects (1995)

Keeping in mind animals are so much better than us, I don’t know how my dog knows, but when I’m sad he comes to cuddle, if I’m hurt somewhere, that becomes his focus. If I lock myself in the bathroom, he sits beside it, even offered me a blanket once. In that same token if someone attacks me the only understanding he needs is, somebody he loves is in danger, and so he fights; that’s the rub we don’t have to like everyone or love, but we must understand. If anything that’s the reason we’re still here, the human race, we have turned following the who, what, when, why, and how into science, religion, and art but it only buys us continuation a moment more.

So as Michael Jackson put it, I’m starting with the man in the mirror, when I understand him, and I mean genuinely acknowledge I can then decide to love or to hate, but man and especially woman are so damn complicated. I can’t touch a star, but I can build a rocket ship, I haven’t killed anyone but I can dig a hole, and it’s quite easy to buy a gun, that just got dark.

My point is how can I hate him for being a loud mouth while I’m understanding my quiet, how can I hate her words when I can’t define myself, I hate her looks but can’t embrace what I see in my mirror, one must understand, If You Can’t Love, Understand.

I Will Have No Fear