Tag: B III

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

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I may not be a smart man; no, that’s it. B III was heart, gave me guts, and I ask myself if I only had a brain. B was asking for some kidneys. And I didn’t start learning about them until it was too late. Yet I read trying to “B Smart About It.”

Thursday, August 12, 2021

Chronicle 042 ~B Smart About It~

193 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can guess how mine went considering we’re talking right now. Sorry, I’m so late.

Another one of many apologies me being late. Pretty damn late seeing you hurting Braxton. Everything I should have gotten to make your life easier, there was always another time. Braxton, I’m thinking about that accident I got into Monday that made me late returning. It’s not like you’re here waiting, but it’s the first time I was pretty anxious to get back. You know I would rather be in bed than anywhere else or on the couch reading. Again one more reason I’m late. I’ve been getting into the Great De-evolution series of novels. Talking about how the world ends, yeah, it wasn’t a bang or a whimper, not even a bark. When my world ended, it was only with your silence B III.

I told M Anime the other day that I can’t stand stupidity for stupidity’s sake. You weren’t dumb, B. You only thought the humans you knew were. I can’t blame you for that. Is that why you were so content to lie there as I read so many nights? I get you, helping me out. All you need know was I was there and so were you, and that was that, my smart boy B. How I once talked about Love for this and that girl. But what the hell did I know, B III. 15+ years to learn that word, Love. I didn’t believe it was a prize but a gift, um Aloe Blacc.
Love is a choice, at least to a certain extent.

I believe it is a form of madness as well. Only you found a way to have such peace, Braxton. Oh, I’m only “Human,” an “Ordinary Human,” with a “Human Nature,” um B stop me. Yeah, I could go on forever and a day. Still, on top of driving better, I write better with you. Now reading, I read “The Hauntings of Playing God” when you were here. Yet I’ve read about everything on the Great De-evolution since. A man and his brother, a man and his son. A teacher with her students, a man, and his cat. Guess what they all have in common. No wonder the guy decided to become The Last Astronaut, but he wasn’t so bright. Me, B Smart About It.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 040 ~B Team Breaking Down~

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Whenever Braxton and I had an accident, stepped on his paw, his nail stuck in a collar, the time he got smacked when I saw a bunch of bullies getting their asses kicked… It was only a matter of time I had an accident with people. B Team Breaking Down

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

Chronicle 040 ~B Team Breaking Down~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like most, I believe the world is still going to Hell. So I thought yesterday.

Talk to me, all you like about 2020. No, My Love, 2021 has been the worst year ever. It is beating out the year I was born. Now that’s saying a lot which reminds me I should call in about you know what, eww. I’m not getting any younger, and being an old man sucks. There’s a difference between being an old man, the old man, and your old man baby girl. Yesterday I realized how old I was, and we’ll get to that. It was so exhausting, my god. Can’t call me B’s old man, his daddy anymore though I continue to. The audacity. Every day My Love, I try to be like the man I was. No, that’s a lie. That’s forgetting Braxton.

What about forgetting any good driving record, sigh? Yesterday I… like last week I must be careful with my words. Okay, so yesterday afternoon I had a “car accident” with this lady. No injuries; my car seems okay. No harm, no foul; people being agreeable. Forgetfulness is not my strong suit when it comes to pain. THEY ask me about Braxton. Why can’t I “move on?” It’s been 191 Days since B left. Hell, yesterday, I used my pain over losing him to not think about the fender bender. Those tears washed away the fear. Of course, it hasn’t been 24 hours. So I’ve been using everything from Songbird to Succubus, followed by Strahovski. Why not lean on you, Love?

Well, you see what happened to Braxton. When it comes to my first family… yes, I’m being a dick here because I called my old man, and my Ma called a couple of hours later. So I learned like Scrooged ahem “Scrape ’em off. You wanna save somebody? Save yourself!” I hate that movie, by the way, or at least, think Groundhog Day is better. I prefer Happy Death Day, to be honest. What about Edge of Tomorrow since I’ve been all about The Tomorrow War? Anyway, my point is I don’t need anyone breaking down, breaking up, or just breaking because of me. With Braxton, I had to be strong because that’s his life. Only I’m broken, and it’ll take time, putting myself back together. B Team Breaking Down.

191 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

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Might as well jump as the song goes. I do that a lot for and at the Day Job. I would jump to plenty when B III was still around. Now I barely crawl out of bed, and I’m “lucky” if I don’t go tripping down the stairs. Will I learn to fly? You B Leap It

Thursday, August 5, 2021

Chronicle 035 ~You B Leap It~

186 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Believe it or not, Wednesday wasn’t half bad. Of course, I got a half-day somehow.

I’m sorry about my, let’s say, baby language or garbled, terrible “puns.” I wish I could tell you about anything, period B III. What is it with Olds that makes us switch how we speak in an instant? So I recall when you weren’t much taller than my shoe. Yet I jumped, I leaped B. Even when you weren’t my son? I didn’t mean to go all “Billie Jean” there, but you know what I mean. When my sister was busy doling out orders because she had so much to do. It went from “let me sleep” to carrying you around. My Olds wanted to show their home, and I didn’t have your leash, and people wanted to see the house. You jump, I jump.

Braxton, you jumped so high, you made it all the way to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, wherever. I was at the Day Job today, again Wednesday, but always I feel like I’ll be scared to death. I’m getting old in the world myself and wouldn’t mind dying on the fly. However, I know you don’t like me talking like that. How do THEY say if your friends jumped off a bridge… I don’t know if I’d follow Carolina Bound or M Anime but for you. There’s a reason I keep you above the weapons and by the closet. WWBD, always. Thursday, what would Braxton do? Now that’s something I should have jumped at, sooner, like Monday of YOUR last week. How about after your appointment?

I didn’t jump to the worse conclusion until the vet was calling me that Friday. I didn’t leap from my seat. I was nowhere near high enough to punch God in the face before asking him to save you. I wasn’t rich enough; I didn’t leap into action. There’s nothing. Only the “Space In Between Us.” B III I wanted to be an astronaut when I was young. When I got older, I wanted to be a fighter pilot. Yesterday I talked about all I wanted. Funny that I can tell you more about the circles of Hell than anything in Heaven, my B III. You weren’t here when I finished Jacob’s series. Do you think I’ll fly to you someday? You B Leap It

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 033 ~B Leave Another Second~

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I still talk to B every day. On Thursday, I write him a “letter.” Even when he was here, I’m not sure he understood, but at least he listened. Is it too much to ask to think a woman will allow me the same and not at the end? “B Leave Another Second.”

Tuesday, August 3, 2021

Chronicle 033 ~B Leave Another Second~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which puts me in a higher tax bracket than Mark Wahlberg. Just give me a second.

More like an hour or half, two to three, right? I’ve been watching a lot of “bad” movies these days. Spontaneous, Army of the Dead, Werewolves Within, The Tomorrow War. Now I’m looking into something I haven’t seen in years, The Happening. That scares me. Not the movie My Love, but I was thinking about something at “work” today. How dare I call it work; I love what I do now. It’s not like I’m working the Day Job (shudders). Anyway, look at all these movies and tell me what one common element they share. Final words, from the lovers, daddy and daughter, monster and man. Past dad and future daughter, then husband and wife. Except at the end of The Happening, they didn’t die.

Are we dying, My Love, because of B? I’m not blaming him. You know I’m a firm believer in the idea of challenging somebody on their pet. Baby, I love you but leave me the fuck alone when it comes to B III. You wouldn’t have stood a chance. 15 years, 15 years, Baby. So again, I’m at “work,” but listening to my B III playlist and the lyrics are getting to me. In particular, it was something to the tune of, I can’t take back the words I never said. I was reminded of watching Braxton. In all of 5 minutes and what I said to him. Baby Doll, I told B III I was sorry, I love you, and finally, I said goodbye.

And that right there is what I want you to hear. I told my best friend, my son, goodbye. I killed him and told him it was okay. Braxton could go because I didn’t want him to hurt anymore. You know what, I didn’t ask him, My Love, you know what you hear. Stay! Darling, stay with me. That’s what I want from you. There’s nothing that would make me abandon our family. I haven’t been to Vietnam or Iraq. Again, you know what I want from this life Love. I’ll be damned if I have a daughter like Muri Forester hating me for years. What I’m asking… a second. One I couldn’t Braxton but Have A Little Faith In Me. B Leave Another Second.

184 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

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It’s written that brevity is the soul of wit. With B III’s statute, should I have written a “short” story? So, I’m not funny, but I’m not a lot of things. I’m only human after all, and hopefully, I’ll have 50,000 words saying what? Million B’s To Ehh

Thursday, July 29, 2021

Chronicle 028 ~Million B’s To Ehh~

179 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has been pretty busy writing, but of course, you’ve seen my condition before.

Well, um, I’m a bit worse for wear. I even talked to your aunt this evening, and she had to make sure I was eating. I’m not bathing, and I have barely made it out of bed, but again, you know I’m talking to you late. Past 8:30, so you should have your meds, Braxton. Speaking of some medication, I should probably take something myself. I already cleaned out those Jell-O shots. Now, how many times have you seen me drunk? You remember what that’s like. Remember the time you had the tick in your ear, and I carried you. Braxton, you couldn’t even get off the bed; that brings me right back to today. Tomorrow should be better, B. I’ll be finishing your novel.

I know what you’re thinking. For all the times I participated in NaNoWriMo, and you had to sit here and watch. I’ve written about 500,000 words total, and that’s with all of them. At 50,000 words each, that’s about ten books. In treats and French Fries, that’s not a lot. Braxton, if I had published and was successful, well, it would be all you can eat for yourself. I swear, B, I would buy a franchise and let you hang out. With that cute face of yours, let them try to complain about health codes. Or does a vest work in these situations, you think? I thought writing this book would be easier because I didn’t have to look up much of anything. Our lives.

You know how I say BLM, Braxton’s Life Matters. All about you, B, and if I wasn’t a disappointing enough Daddy, I’m a crappy writer. I’m always down, especially now, not that your story isn’t compelling. If anything, I only want to do it justice, and so far, B III. Hell, I was reading over it all day today. Well, I realized there is still a lot that’s left unsaid. Either that or I repeat myself again and again. The truth, what happened doesn’t change. Even if I were Shakespeare reincarnated, it wouldn’t help if I never share your story. This might even be the last page of it, Braxton. Reincarnation huh? I was saying I didn’t know why I wrote. Million B’s To Ehh

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 026 ~The Future Shall B~

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No clue when my Anniversary will be. I’m sure John Legend remembers the night he thinks he just met his wife. And speaking of another love, B III’s birthday is in a state of flux. It was February 13th. Now when will I forget that? The Future Shall Be

Tuesday, July 27, 2021

Chronicle 026 ~The Future Shall B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I am not a prophet, a doctor, or a writer… I make-believe with Time Travelling.

I can tell you now that I will never accept B III’s passing. What day am I on now? Day 177, and it has been productive, I’ll admit. I finished 4,000 words for B III’s masterpiece. But will completing such make the pain in my heart any less? For now, no, I’m still finding pieces. I’m taking a bit too much credit and when I finish this work. What no if? I’ve no idea what got a hold of me today, Sunday. What kind of man am I that I have to set up an appointment with my own wife? An industrious one, busy, and that’s not a good thing. One way or another, it’s Braxton, but I haven’t forgotten you or all our children.

I’m not one to be made out as Count Fernand Mondego, ha. I don’t cheat; I don’t play with cash, considering my beautiful wife and business. If anything, I can only continue mourning. Who could prophesy when such a time will come to an end. If ever I’m guilty. As I wrote today, searching for some accomplice, I could blame Father Time for B’s passing. Still, I am the one that should know the crime. Not to sound like a Republican, but I have reaped the reward. I have you, Baby Girl. I have the family I promised B III all the time. So know that I could never let you go ever, first and foremost because I Love You, always and forever, My Love.

I will not fail Braxton in giving up all that I wanted for him as well. The family he would have protected, the Daddy that he loved, the home and life that he should’ve known. Braxton’s future was written to be short. But our children will have little furbabies of their own amongst their families someday. As they will know how much their Dad loved Braxton. I don’t know how long it will be and if it will ever happen. I believe without a doubt that every house should have a pet and if I want our children to know of such a love as Braxton. Today I write, I mourn, I remember, I live, love, lust… no, not laugh. Somehow The Future Will B.

177 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

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What’s doing more blinking, the cursor on the page or my eyes. B’s who I miss the most right now, but that’s not what my book is saying. I can’t fail B this month as I did in January, but that requires me to get up and move. The Letter B Moves

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Chronicle 021 ~The Letter B Moves~

172 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Should I even try to tell you about mine? No, I haven’t even lived it.

Today is Tuesday, and I’m trying to stay ahead. Do you remember when you were sick? You don’t want to, right but let me get this out. If I could do it again, B III, I’d pick you up and rush you to Banfield Hospital right this second. Could they have saved you B III? Yeah, because I was much too busy. It’s been the theme of this week. There is so much to do, and when I have time, what do I do. Today I had to talk to two of the girls and get to writing your novel. We’ll get to that, but I believe you know what the answer is Triple B.
You’re not sitting under the table or in my lap.

All the time in the world B, and money, Ha. How many times did you hear me talking about writing? Now instead of books, I want to go right back to bed. It’s a miracle that I even got to the table today. Of course, by the time you read this, I’ll be right back there. Yes, the Day Job remains horrible, which is one of the reasons I am writing to you today. It’s like anyone asking me there, “How are you?” I should say “Pissed” and then “Wait.” It’s only a matter of moments before THEY do something to fulfill such a prophecy. “Daddy, what about me?” I hear you, Braxton; I do, but like the novel, I’m writing. Nothing moves anymore, son.

If it hadn’t been 172 Days, I would think you left only yesterday. I was telling Dear Future Wife, the mom you’ll never get to know, that the tears I continue to shed are cleansing. Um, it’s like I’m in ice, nothing can get to me between, bed, boobs, and you B III it’s cold. Braxton sometimes, I melt, and I go everywhere. It’s as if I overflow, but then there’s not enough of me to fill up any glass. The bed’s not going anywhere, and neither are you. I miss being a monk; that’s how you always were, my Pancake. I haven’t eaten anything. I have to keep the cursor moving; I don’t want to fall even further behind. Trying, The Letter B Moves.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 019 ~In Grief B Leave~

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Anything that helps me to shut my eyes is welcome. That way, I don’t see all the work piling up, some beautiful woman talking me out of cash. Most of all, there are all the places Braxton used to be. Tears wash away all but him. In Grief B Leave

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

Chronicle 019 ~In Grief B Leave~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but crying into money, having our kids see my tears, or even crying to you, Love.

As the song goes, “But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry.” I know in today’s society, THEY would consider that wrong. Speaking of today, it’s what Day 170? And I’m still crying about my lost boy, my Braxton. Last night I had a realization as tears fell. Crying over B III is much like sleep. Do you think I’m nuts that it’s becoming almost a relief? Remembering B III is a way to rinse off the whole day. When I had the Day Job, I’d come back and immediately have to take a shower. With what I do now, I indeed should. It feels so wrong, using him as another excuse. Nobody would blame me for staying in bed all day mourning.

Everything seems to be coming down on me. I mean, all this work and how many days did I have off again. Only how did I spend them. In bed? That’s something we’ll work on. Considering I’ve left my somewhat celibate priest state. This led me to last night when I was working, and I was so exhausted afterward, I barely worked on the book. Braxton’s novel. Now he would find a way to distract me from writing a book. My Love, you have your ways, but again I simply want to lie down and sleep. What else is there? My Love, I know. I’m scared that I’m becoming like my Olds. It’s something to do, not pay for. Did I forget my own business?

I have forgotten everything. This is why I have to work so hard today, but it’s as if there’s Something In The Way; Nirvana plays. It’s as if the storm inside of me has changed. Acceptance is not an option, Baby Girl. When crying, it was like I was drowning. For now, yet again, it feels like; a cleansing as problems gather around me. I need to be free Love. With the mess, my eyes are making. I’m not looking for B III on the end of the bed now. Hell, all the excuses I have, if the paper is wet, it doesn’t matter. My best friend is dead. Um, isn’t that you now, my Love? Show me you’re there, please. In Grief B Leave

170 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 014 ~B III And More~

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Day XV now, and am I doing any better when it comes to my boy? I wouldn’t be asking that. If I had been 165 days ago? Yeah, Roman numerals aren’t my strong suit. I only needed to count to III before. Now I need 50,000 words for “B III And More.”

Thursday, July 15, 2021

Chronicle 014 ~B III And More~

165 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Sometimes I envy you not having to worry about what time it is, well until…

15 years 11 months. All you know is one day, there was a whole carton of fries for you and a bit of a burger. If your aunt was here, maybe she would make you a cake. Did I tell you I had lunch with her last week? I guess she didn’t want to make me too sad B III. That day she barely said your name Braxton, but I don’t blame her. As I said, you were a month shy of 16, and you would think I could give you this month. It was too fresh, last Camp NaNoWriMo, but I still got 50,000 words done. Now I’m lazy with 16 days to go. Braxton, I would apologize, but if I do that today…

Why only today? I have been telling you I’m sorry going on 165 Days with you gone. Hell 166 if we count the day that you left. I’m at the dining room table, and you’re not here, Braxton, on your pillow under it, waiting for me. What I wouldn’t give to speak to you B. Well, the COVID vaccine is free, or so I keep hoping. If I were to die… A dangerous concept I know, thinking about dying and all. Three needles helped you on your way, one to make sure, two to bring you peace, and the third sent you to the Rainbow Bridge. I got two Braxton. On that day, I said that “I got to Braxton.” I didn’t want your suffering.

You would have pretended always and forever if it stopped me from feeling this way. I’ve long since passed counting up the days from one stage of grief to the next. Only I’m never going to go into five. How could that ever be possible? Packing up your things B? Have you been watching me read The Man That Watched The World End? Ironic since I am that guy. You were about 79, and with how tired I’ve been, 82 sounds about right? Um, my point is, there is no way in Hell I could burn your stuff. B III they did burn you, yep. Wish I was there, Braxton. So yeah, another apology, how many is that which do nothing B III And More.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 012 ~The B In Bling~

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Did you lose something? Yesterday it was my car for a few hours, so I had to walk to the Day Job. It wasn’t B III’s Pendant, though. How much did my car cost but the Urn Pendant that carries a bit of my boy? “The B In Bling.”

Tuesday, July 13, 2021

Chronicle 012 ~The B In Bling~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and while I’m buying more diamonds and gold, what’s it all for. One up, on Braxton…

I never take off my wedding band. Well, at least it’s always in sight. Only it’s not the gold that matters. The inscription within it. Baby Girl, this will sound kind of creepy, but you’re still alive. Braxton isn’t. Everyone in our home will outlive me. Any man wants that. Always, that’s the goal and not the gold talking. I never pictured myself a HOarder… yeah, I hear the joke My Love but um. You know how I am with sticky notes. A bad habit kept up from the old Day Job. That’s what I felt yesterday and today’s exhaustion. Hell, I’ve been walking around in the darkness for 163 days. The storm has been one of my own tears grieving my lost B III.

So, of course, it was him I held onto walking back home. I shouldn’t have to do that, being obscenely wealthy. So you know, when I leave the car, I usually place B III’s Pendant on the rearview mirror. I didn’t get to do that and nearly forgot it was on my neck, My Love.
I put him in the pocket of my hood and then took my hood off. The entire day I was scared I would lose him… again. What about putting him in my locker? You know I got caught up doing everything. Every two seconds, I was checking my pocket like a crazy man, My Love. As I was coming home, I wrapped a hand around him, asking for strength, for him to stay with me.

That’s not something I asked while he lay dying in the hospital. Now, first, THEY might say it’s just a Pendant like it’s just a dog. Why wasn’t I thinking of you and our other children during my hour of need? Is this the Republican fervor about Old Glory, hmm? Politics, no, thank you. Ok, My Love, besides the fact I’m always thinking of you and our family, Braxton was/is my guardian, my protector. We are brothers-in-arms when it comes to protecting you, my children, his siblings. A part of him rests inside my Pendant. It’s a symbol of my love for him. As much as my wedding band, my high school Pendant (surviving Hell). You and Me Always and B; The B In Bling.

163 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will