Tag: Crazy

Lesson 316 ~A Simful Kinda Life~

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No one understands The Sims language, and I barely recognize myself from time to time, go to work, survive, work more, squeeze in a bit of fun, sleep, repeat, just trying to keep the balance and praying nothing unforeseen happens. A Simful Kinda Life

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Lesson 316 ~A Simful Kinda Life~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, I think we should skip to the next question don’t you think and that’s how you are going to survive this week and for once I’m not talking about food. I know you wish things could be ever so simple like “The Sims,” isn’t it a sad state of affairs when what was once your virtual life was living better than you ever have in the real world but those six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 57* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 64* No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Edit At Least Two More Chapters Of My Novel
Partial Completion (Didn’t Read Out Loud)
4. I Will Complete 75% Of The Maiden
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For VLAD
Completed
6. I Will Clean The House Before The Maid Comes Around
Completed

When you’re too busy being successful and getting things done you don’t have time to worry is something you’ll come to discover, right now you remember my slight indiscretion, but it’s only Facebook. How about my utter failure when it came to below the belt, for all intents and purposes I kept it in my pants and you should too but stress cries out for release, and maybe a video game would be just the thing if you weren’t busy. We never know what’s going to happen, the dog was two seconds away from losing his dad in a wreck, Walmart gave me a bag full of the wrong stuff and I know I’m just putting pressure on you Will.

“Life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” ― Tom Hanks, Forrest Gump (1994)

What about the plans I had for my first poetry book, and now you have to pick up the pace just in case, but if yesterday taught me anything well, you don’t know, and there’s a song all about that “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Don’t you have to keep Sims happy, and that’s when all of their needs are finding satisfaction, so why aren’t you happy yet, well other than the lack of human company and again, you shouldn’t be worried about tomorrow. You shouldn’t be worried about other people for that matter, though remember to wish your mother a Happy Mother’s Day, but as that will be taken care of here’s another six impossible things for you to consider:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 64* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Three More Chapters Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete “The Maiden” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
6. I Will Edit Thirty-Four Poems (Poetry Book)

You have to think big, that is the point of The Sims after all, and if it’s not a family or some grand expansion on this place, I know you honestly want more, fewer worries or fewer distractions because what have you been doing for almost two hours? Take some advice from Tony Montana, I would say listen to The Sims, but you can never understand them any way right?

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” ― Tony Montana, Scarface (1983)

If it works in a game, why can’t it work for you; because life isn’t a game, considering we hate nearly all sports and suck at academia, you need to win something, let it be life, A Simful Kinda Life.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

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Love is a pretty big topic amongst other things when did life get to be so complicated; it’s when people tried to explain it and not to mention pretty offensive, as the songs there are too many prophets here. “A Prescription For Crazy”

Friday, May 11, 2018

Lesson 314 ~A Prescription For Crazy~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, well if it works for “some” teachers… but honestly I have never pictured myself as a teacher, how my dog got so smart is beyond me and the only training guide I wanted was “Command Performance” when I was a kid, only we went with the rolled up newspaper guide. Anyway, the thing is if I couldn’t learn how to train my dog correctly, and I love him like pancakes, how will I ever learn to become a writer about things beyond me; so I read this.

“The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.” ― from Richard Price

Yesterday, for example, I wrote “Pockets Full of Miracles” and while I could be the stereotypical African-American male… my “meat is murder” by the way. Instead, I promoted safe sex, e.g., condoms. When I talk about bed it shouldn’t be about that queen size I have waiting for me but more the droop of my eyelids, every single step becoming harder than the last. “Indiana Gone,” asked me why I say, I love my dog like pancakes. I don’t have to speak how he’s my world but the way I now protect my pancakes is how I protect my dog, and I couldn’t love him more if I poured the Bisquick to make him; The Walking Dead, I’m a fan.

Speaking of love, I’ve been wondering how to tell my mother I love her without going broke, a Kindle with Black Panther, some great black writers, with her sorority, Alabama, and the Black Panther symbols on it? How about a Black Panther Mother’s Day basket; how often do I talk about spending money on women and I have a sister too that has my nephew. Wasn’t I suppose to be talking about writing, but that’s just the thing, with such subjects one could spend forever and a day writing and never cover it, so you start small, my bank account.

If I wanted to write what is wrong with my country, I could do that in two words, Donald Trump, and then you expand on it, racism, Nazism, lies, hate and the world practically builds itself for better or worse. You want to write about crazy; you don’t start carving out your skull first. You start with one pill left lying in the bottle, the bullet in the gun, the creak of a wooden chair.

I didn’t mean to get so morbid, but we can take this as another lesson in writing can’t we Lady Sophia, A Prescription For Crazy.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 309 ~My Pod, My Pod~

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Dreaming my life away on beautiful women, either some hot acquaintance, my NEW Pinterest boards, or my writing, and notice how no one says it’s hip to be round or rectangular, think outside the box maybe. My Pod, My Pod, not a fan of Tide, or Alabama

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Lesson 309 ~My Pod, My Pod~

To Will:
Can you love me again, for once you’re out of bed, which in itself is a small miracle and it turns out you weren’t living Avengers: Infinity War, which wouldn’t be so terrible would it? Dreams are messages and the last vision you had predicted you would have trouble at work and you couldn’t remember what you said or did because that’s just it, you didn’t do anything.

This dream though, a vision so real you honestly had to check out Facebook to see if the woman was still around and why her at all, hot MILF but no chance in Hell and you’re still not the hero. Spent the rest of the night feeling like you were letting her down but sleep overwhelmed you as it does mostly during the day; the dream could have been about building a life, I mean you have a job *cough* part-time *cough*. You have a child, on four legs, you’re a writer, which you haven’t been doing a lot of lately; six impossible things anyone:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 50 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 57 No Fap*) Wet Dream
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Edit At Least One More Chapter Of My Novel
Failed
4. I Will Complete 100% Of VLAD
Completed, “The Maiden (The Cloister Book 1) Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review
Failed
6. I Will Find Something That Makes Me Courageous
Failed

It’s a bit late in the game to say you’re behaving like a teenager who happens to be on Tide Pods, besides you already did your laundry, keeping busy because you aren’t getting busy and still disappointed about that wet dream. How about this theory that you’re trying to keep yourself boxed in or maybe you’re not truly living, and you’re already dead residing on YouTube, Pinterest, and Instagram. Perhaps it’s just another great story idea and how many times do I have to tell you, like old times, stories are problems and editing is the solution and so what ends up back on the list for six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 57* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Two More Chapters Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 75% Of The Maiden
5. I Will Post A Review For VLAD
6. I Will Clean The House Before The Maid Comes Around

Yes, number six makes you an idiot but baby steps and OCD, trying to box in your crazy as well, depression, OCD, suicidal tendencies… no death talk but boxes can be different between, pods, coffins, books, smartphones, more rectangular but as the song goes “It’s Hip To Be Square.” There are so many variables, writing like this always makes you settle down and focus and is there anything wrong with that; have you seen your bank balance lately, so yeah you need to work Will.

Now you’ll probably tell Lady Sophia this too but lest we forget, imagine people trapped in a room about to be crushed by pods that carry people who control the Internet, one weird ass dream, thinking outside the box and still My Pod, My Pod.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 284 ~Do I Love Guns~

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Honestly, I have talked more about having a family than ever owning a gun, but with how things are going these days… well, it seems I have the attention of the gun lovers, but preferring women, yeah I’m the bad guy. Do I Love Guns

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Lesson 284 ~Do I Love Guns~

“A good question – for another time.” ― Maz Kanata

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, and not only because I’m taking so long to talk to you or that I won’t speak about my unfortunate lack of a prom; just a novel and the Second Amendment got in the way. Making money and guns, what an excellent conservative I would make though according to Facebook I am moderate, which makes sense, still damn I was hoping to be a liberal but that might only be in some rock HARD areas if you know what I mean Inspector.

So what brought this on, I received a letter from the NRA wanting me to join up, as the Christians would say, not today Satan but funny how most of them are card-carrying members of the NRA, for a moment I was thinking identity theft when I opened the letter. Suppose Mark Zuckerberg owes me an apology, but then again I am an open book when it comes to everything except whatever title I’m currently writing which brings me to an excuse. It stinks, my novel, is complete utter garbage and before “Indiana Gone,” “Cherry,” or “Okay” tries to say something, let’s get it all out on the table, I hate my writing, so there.

Strangely enough, I don’t hate the right to bear arms, don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo, there need to be some strict ass gun laws. I know plenty of people that shouldn’t have them; could throw myself into the mix but I want an assault rifle at some point, a pistol. Damn let me hold the button for a minute and you know I’m not a violent person; who have I hurt, we live in the real world, and with the way things are going, I might need some protection I should think. Another reason people shouldn’t read my book, if you compare my fiction to me, hell I shouldn’t be permitted to hold a gun, let alone a pen or a keyboard but lucky for me the NRA I think are total gun nuts.

While I despise most people, the NRA that protects guns more than children for example, what does this say about me, if you checked out my NEW Pinterest boards there aren’t many guns, but pillows, puppies, whatever we’re naming them this week are plenty? I guess that makes me a bad guy but a bunch of weapons I can keep in the closet… I am sorry that makes me such and such a person so to answer… yes I do love guns, but sorry I won’t be joining the NRA, but since my writing stinks, who knows if they’ll see this, still sorry not sorry.

For the #MeToo movement um, something, something, sorry I don’t respect women as much as you think I should, though I think I’m a sweetheart mostly but in the end how Do I Love Guns.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 105 ~Only Human After All~

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Everything breathes and I know each breath as the song goes but no I don’t, I keep breathing and it seems each one breath just gets harder as the days go by, but I’m a man and not a monster, usually. Only Human After All

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Lesson 105 ~Only Human After All~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear but I did miss the hell out of you this past week and I wish I could remember most of it; should I go back to the old way, seeing as how I have yet to give the others any real form or substance? I could say that about myself, because isn’t it weird, you remember life but not how to live, and while you don’t remember how you survived, when you need to, you do it, without any hesitation.

If we’re talking about today, I made my bed, I can’t remember who said this but always start by making your bed, or walking Braxton depending on the day, yard work, the chores as usual. Can’t say I have much to be proud of this week other than I made money and I’m still here and that is what matters isn’t it, even if that is all there is. Have I been living the rules… I must admit I’ve retreated back to form either because of people’s idiocy and of course my own exhaustion really.

You ever stop to think, maybe that’s why the caveman never spoke or let’s say took the time to establish a language, considering every breath was so precious. It makes sense in the realm of monsters as well since zombies don’t breathe, neither do vampires, what about a few staples of monster movie “folklore” and other monsters are only beasts, so do they see breath the same way that we do, you know what I mean. Humans are the only ones that might think about it, like time, an animal breathes never knowing what breath might be their last, then again I know that animals treasure memories, while I forget.

This is what makes us worse Lady Lu, humans I mean, we anesthetize with anything and everything just to get by, I can tell you the last movie I watched, the last book I read, the last dumb decision that made me feel good but everything else is just dull or fear. Isn’t that why I’m keeping a journal and I don’t want to come back and read it, I only look to surviving tomorrow.

So what have I learned today, that I’m guilty and would be a worthy victim for John Kramer/The Jigsaw Killer, again with the pop culture Luna, Only Human After All?

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

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Sometimes it’s smart to keep my mouth shut when it comes to women, especially a woman I haven’t even found yet, maybe she would think I’m insane. “Sometimes I Love You”, and better she never knows but then again as the song goes more than words.

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Lesson 101 ~Sometimes I Love You~

Dear Future Wife,
Sometimes I love you for not making me say it; it’s not that I don’t, it’s not that I don’t want to, need to, if anything I want to believe that those three words matter but they’ll be lost. How can they be lost, I love your inquisitive mind but again it might be too much, just too damn much somedays and I want to say I’m sorry right off the bat.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Love Story

You leave me breathless, that much is true, but sometimes it’s going to be them and no I don’t mean other women… I mean people in general. There will be days when I love you is just me finding my way to the bed we share rather than wanting to be alone. It might be when my voice gives out from singing so loud that my voice gives out, drowning in so many cruel words.

“But everyone knows that a man ain’t suppose to cry, listen.
I gotta cry ’cause cryin’ eases the pain, oh yeah.
People this hurt I feel inside, words can never explain.”
I Wish It Would Rain, by The Temptations (1967)

If I allow you to ever see me like that then is that love or what and it’s okay you don’t have to say anything either because sometimes I don’t have faith in words, yes this coming from a writer you made your husband. You might not hear me, as much as I mutter, and with that inquisitive mind you might want to ask questions, I might even be afraid to answer; the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil. I’m not a drinker, of course, you know that but if I ever pull out a glass or decide to fire up the PS3 or PS4, god knows what number we’re on now, I will return to you a better man and you’re more than welcome to wait.

I’ve left you waiting for a while I think because I’m still looking for the words and “I Love You” let’s just say those words came to soon, too late or were simply wasted and I never would with you, with us, I think the dog will attest to that. They will even be a day I’ll love you for bringing those words out of me as only you can, for being “the air that I breathe” as the song goes from The Hollies, remember.

How I love how you sing to me and you love when I talk to you and believe me when I say, that it is never a sometimes I love you between us, it’s an always unless the following girls walk by just kidding unless… okay, for letting me be me, sometimes I love you because you make me better.

Lesson 098 ~What Would Blankman Do~

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I greet a different man in the mirror every morning, that is when I can bear to look at him at all, he could be a caveman, a villain, probably some hero without a name, and how long did my job get my name wrong? What Would Blankman Do

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Lesson 098 ~What Would Blankman Do~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but being honest, it’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday as the song goes but you know what I think, sometimes it’s just too damn easy if you’re me.

So I’m at Walmart today… yeah, what was I thinking but anyway I hear this man, tell his kid, “is that something Jesus would do” and easily enough I kept my mouth shut. Now I could go on and on about comparing ourselves to others, Jesus, Santa to get presents, superheroes, yes I read my own lesson title and to quote another song, it’s not easy to be me. Even in my latest novella, I make myself into a monster but if I were to be any sort of man, it would surely be the human Braxton deserves and the man my future wife might be waiting on; high hopes.

With that being said, I’ve often talked about being a better man than I was yesterday but today I actually miss that guy because he actually got some work done, five thousand words and today, well there’s you and my anxiety. The constant state of things, not that you’re necessarily bad, considering how we got back together but I was so proud of myself yesterday and while I could be whoever I wanted to today again just shows who I am. I want to ask the question what would I do but I’m not ready and again the whole point of this is to stop comparing myself to others right?

Someone once said “Don’t try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgments.” Star Trek First Contact

It still scares me so Luna, who I might be becoming, the craziness, I mean I’m a writer, there is no doubt in my mind about that but truly, I’m going to have seven personalities, nearly all women to write now? I’ve said it so many times I wouldn’t leave you and I’ll still be writing every day just different facets and including my past, present, or future me, I’m still not certain really. Do you think one day they’ll be asking the question ‘what would Willie do’ they don’t ask that about Shakespeare these days?

We’ll talk the same time next week and I’ll probably be burdened, should I call this an experiment perhaps. So what have I learned today, I’ve never asked what would Jesus do, my story is about what she thought I would do, and you know what I’ll do tomorrow so Lady Lu, until next Saturday, goodbye, I’ll still be me but What Would Blankman Do?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

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I’m being swept up in ideas at the moment but I won’t dare say I’m winning at life lest everything just gets blown apart but at least it’s not gray. Twist In My Anxiety, when everything seems to be going okay and then whoosh but right now woohoo

Friday, October 6, 2017

Lesson 097 ~Twist In My Anxiety~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, I’m going to blame it on my anxiety, my irritability, my laziness, and what about all the only craziness that I’ve been going through lately?

First I have some good news and some bad news… I’m not tossing you away again let’s just say I’m going to spread you out some, yeah I really need a girlfriend or at least to go back to watching porn. Anyway, what I’m saying is, I finally have an idea for my virtual brothel, that’s the good news, seven days and seven entries, more bad news is you’ll be the last, let me survive the week and I’ll tell you what I can Saturday. Now does that sound crazier or lazier, when it comes to my story, yeah I have been slacking a lot?

Should I keep riding this train of positivity, today I found out I won a swag pack from Kit Rocha, you know The Beyond Series, when’s the last time I won anything… PCH but that was only a hundred bucks, talk about a kick to the balls. See that’s why I’m going to have another girl I can talk about these things to, though I’m sure “Indiana Gone” wouldn’t mind at all, not going there.

No movie tonight and I’m still attempting to hold off any and all depravity but with the way, I have been talking to “Gospel Girl” lately, what am I always telling Indian Gone ‘behave’. I’m trying Lady Lu, you know how I try and I wrote another review today for the movie “The Mountain Between Us” so I’m not going to mention all of the naughty things I want to do to Kate Winslet. Besides brunettes I’m still trying to decipher what it is about this girl or that girl, what sin does she feed in me, yeah my novel…

The Seven Sins, just seven I think

Luna = Therapy
Justice = Rules
Echo = Past Sins
Sophia = Stories
Dear Future Wife
Escort = Fantasies
Will = Man in The Mirror (Will To Love)

This leads me to another question, there are seven deadly sins but nine circles of Hell and I know sooner or later I will have to start consolidating my rules but the plan is to have 365 of them. So while I’m talking about learning, whatever have I learned today besides anxiety is just another word in all this crazy that I feel and that Braxton needs a bath because he’s driving me crazy, just another Twist In My Anxiety.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

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How many knew they had watched their last sunrise and how many of those have I regretted, that I wish I didn’t have to see if anything I should be more grateful to be sure. “And The Sun Rises”, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, who knows

Monday, October 2, 2017

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, you got to remember to keep your head up, and yes that is going in the rule book but speaking of which there are exceptions and one of those is when you’re being shot at. I swear I don’t know what is going on with the world today and how many times have I said, I’m not cut out for politics but to think my biggest problem this morning was I couldn’t keep my head up around this construction guy and then a few minutes later I learned there had been yet another shooting; some people will never raise their heads again and I’m complaining?

Death does not frighten me Lady Lu, of course you know this, I was in my car yesterday “Just Cruisin’” and the thought that if there was a button that could end my life so easily I’d probably push it. Suicidal tendencies as always but I’m doing pretty okay for just being human… when did I start explaining myself to you especially since I want to start writing today? As this Walmart greeter said, any day above ground right, and as we have discussed before just because so many others have it worse right now doesn’t make my problems any less valid and yes I am grateful, though I’m always saying that about my day job and that’s fear talking.

Speaking of fear talking, I was watching Fear The Walking Dead last night and this lady made Alicia promise that she wouldn’t make decisions based on fear and we know that’s my bread and butter. Also, a note, don’t let me buy bread and butter pickles anymore those things are gross but what does any of this have to do with today’s lesson? I was thinking that the sun isn’t scared to rise and neither is the moon, how about Braxton, how about any of those people who were at that concert just living life?

No, Luna, I don’t owe you a damn thing even remembering how we got back to talking, I don’t owe any bitch if anything I owe Braxton, but my point is that it’s a new day and what am I going to do with it, why fear it at all? So what have we learned besides the fact that sometimes I feel immortal or I’m dead and in Hell, and other times I know I need to get to work because I’m still here Lady Lu And The Sun Rises?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

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I really don’t have time to go over my whole playlist again while I was mowing the lawn and being a rapper has never been one of my pursuits and yet this ‘lyric” has been on my mind all day long. Build Stacks Like Empires, stacks of what, words, cash

Friday, September 22, 2017

Lesson 083 ~Build Stacks Like Empires~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear but do I have originality, individuality, what is it I’m forgetting because this title has been driving me crazy all day; where have I heard it before? Besides that, I’ve been thinking about what it means to build an empire and the question becomes does it even matter if it is left unseen and unheard of by any man honestly?

Today I have done more to build up my house than to build up my writing unfortunately because I’m still worried about what people will think of me so I spent all day mowing the lawn and sweeping. Writers are supposed to be messy, probably artists in general because why do we bother with this world other than to be seen, we’re busy building our own universes. We find freedom elsewhere as we can only be slaves here though sometimes I don’t mind; I have Braxton sleeping on my lap so honestly, typing could be somewhat easier in any case.

Knowing me I’m finally going to get that title when I’m in bed and won’t even think about writing it down or maybe it really is my own idea and I just don’t like giving myself any credit. Luna, I have way too many secrets to bother seeking credit for anything but then again what are we doing here if that’s the case, do you know any of my secrets? According to The Hunger Games Series, secrets can be more valuable than anything and can lead to the destruction of an empire just as quickly as just lighting a match.

Is that why we try so hard to look normal, I mean compare what the neighbors think of me, to my coworkers, to my family, and just about anyone else. If secrets are the heart, then money is the armor, a lesson learned, again and again, money can make anyone beautiful but it can offer a protection that can never be dismissed by anyone Luna.

That’s what it always amounts to, making more money, we’re about making more money and in order to do that, I must appear as a pawn. What’s wrong with being a pawn like today’s rule “It’s Worthy of Your Soul” or like the song “seek out a kingdom, worthy of your soul” a new way of looking at “Hide & Seek” or something like that.

So what have we learned today… a wall of normalcy allows you the opportunity to seek, make the money, build the empire, and then you say besides that lyric driving me crazy today the truth is Build Stacks Like Empires.

I Will Have No Fear