Tag: Day Job

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not tired, to the contrary I’m quite tired, but it’s nothing that sleep can cure… did I just say that; I’ll probably be out all day but then again how is that different from any other day just slipping away? Here Comes The Sun

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but if that’s the case, why can’t I sleep, it’s nearly four in the morning and trust me I slept but I woke up at maybe twelve, and I’ve been up ever since, in more ways than one… Reasons I stay awake and yes being horny is one. Yesterday was a real nail-biter, but I got back in touch with “Cherry,” wrote that song for the dog, talked to Lady Sophia and even worked on my novel some at the behest of “Indiana Gone,” I even went to a movie, “Tomb Raider.”

Hell is that not what my bedroom has become, am I not a vampire, with everything I have survived I must have super strength, I don’t see myself in the mirror, I leave in the dark and rush back to the house, I live off watching people bleed. If I’m not a vampire, I would say, zombie, with my phone I don’t need to have a brain, I eat enough to stay animated, and I’m not too picky, I jump at loud noises and usually have to investigate them. How about Frankenstein’s monster, awake only to do my master’s bidding, whoever that is at the time and if I didn’t have that then what’s next?

Is it my depression, do I need another song idea besides Nina Simone or Usher “Confessions Part II.” Fortunately, that’s Wednesday’s problem, and I’m still looking forward to being employed? Now you can see why I would rather be the monster in this scenario because what was that about not being afraid, again I’ve been up and scared to death about my job before. I wish I could say I’m finishing up everything that I need to do today, yesterday, the day before, reminds me of my math class and just writing the problem over again and again, these days I just make lists that keep getting longer everyday Lu.

You’re not a chore more a habit, and I keep asking myself where the time goes when I’m not looking up porn or sleeping as you can guess, I don’t have much of a life, judging by the things we discuss. So like a real therapist you ask me why I’m not sleeping like someone sane this night, and that is just something else I’m going to have to learn.

What have I learned today, when the day hasn’t even started yet, maybe this is just my standard work time, and that’s sad that I’m getting ready for the inevitable conclusion of getting fired but still Here Comes The Sun.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 258 ~Writing My Pink Slip~

WillLeave a comment

You won’t ever eat it all; you know how they say to “eat your words,” at this point I’m better off choking on them, all of them in fact before I honestly do become a starving artist with no day job but I thought this was America. “Write My Pink Slip”

Friday, March 16, 2018

Lesson 258 ~Writing My Pink Slip~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore though I probably should be, there is a reason I’m a novelist and not a comedian, singer, or politician; in writing there’s fiction, with somebody like Trump it becomes fake news. Right, I haven’t been fired yet but didn’t I find myself in the same spot just last month; the story is always about the Second Amendment and how I should live by the Fifth, but no I practice the First enough.

To you Lady Sophia I can say practically anything, but my shame lies in the fact that I’m always hiding and then when honestly I should be, let’s say at work, I have to open my mouth and this will probably be the end of me. It wouldn’t be the first time I died on stage and didn’t I once talk about the death of a comedian. Unfortunately, I’m still the joke to the rest of the world, and that’s if I’m lucky. When it comes to others, I am but one word, “NO,” just say no right, and I do, to think when I was a child I wanted to be a comedian only we know the answer, no.

Songwriting though because trust me you do not want me singing was reawakened just last night thanks to my little boy and “Indiana Gone,” and strangely enough I cracked myself up, Indiana Gone is always laughing, so that doesn’t count. Not an original tune mind you, Lionel Richie’s “Hello,” who is original nowadays… the lyrics though are about the dog and his need for food. Making money songwriting isn’t exactly going to pay the bills, don’t I still owe my grandfather $100 for having some faith in me; speaking of which I’m not looking to become a preacher man either.

So that leaves becoming a novelist, and Indiana Gone ran the guilt trip on me last night but if it doesn’t work for the family and my boss acts like a baby with hurt feelings; that’s my job, why should I buy it from a friend? Here I am trying to get to the movies tonight too and no promises but I may just work on my story, I mean what else am I going to do with myself today.

Imagine if my book was sort of like Fifty Shades of Grey, walk into my day job and guess what I may just be able to do something like that, honestly Write My Pink Slip.

I Will Have No Fear

Hello (You Won’t Ever Eat It All)

I think it’s just around
Your breakfast time
Or maybe lunch, a bag of chips
Some fries in mind
And dinner there’s a pizza
At the door

Hello!
You won’t ever eat it all
I can see it on your plate
And you’ve made a big mistake
Cause I’m not getting any
While my mouth is open wide
So you know just what to do
Why you got so much damn food
But I want to tell you, Daddy
I love you

Scooby’s gone and taken all her treats
But tell “Okay” it helps if she
Would just feed me
And when I can’t eat one more little bite

Hello!
Does that come supersized
There’s so much to go around
With all the breasts and thighs
You could give a leg or two,
And dog food just won’t do
Tell me how I have to beg
She’s lonely, so let her stay
If all this food is for me, I love you

Hello!
You won’t ever eat it all
There’s so much to go around
With all the breasts and thighs
You could give a leg or two
And dog food just won’t do
Tell me how I have to beg
She’s lonely, so let her stay
If all this food is for me, I love you

Lesson 253 ~Nooks, Crannies, And Holes~

WillLeave a comment

Sometimes I want to hide it all away, when I didn’t have a laptop or smartphone, I was at least forced to go out, and now I’m finding more impressive ways to hide, I swear we are almost to the that Mark of The Beast stage. Nooks, Crannies, And Holes.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Lesson 253 ~Nooks, Crannies, And Holes~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, just Bipolar, full of energy and mildly disappointed at the same time; if anything the boost is from not having to go into the store today; Walmart Grocery Pick-Up and Amazon, how to fight Anxiety 101. The disappointment stems from my last plan of WWWT… What Would Wifey Think, seeing as how I have failed yet again to keep it in my pants but for now let’s take stock of six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 06 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 01 No Fap)
2. I Will Gift Part Of My Submissive’s Closet
Completed (Not That She Would Try It On Here) Bought Replacements From Amazon
3. I Will Post Two Reviews On My Blog
Partial Completion, Only One Put Up
4. I Will Not Take Any Static At Work
Failed, If I Don’t Know If I Took Static, I Took Static
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
6. I Will Find Something I Want Out Of My Life Honestly
Completed, Sadly I Want To Sex You Up

Now I’m not going to sound like Trump and refuse to accept the problem, and there are just some things that I can’t tell you not to do such as stay off the Internet, that is frankly impossible, isn’t it. What about swearing off porn, how did it happen last night, from Pinterest to looking up high heel girls, to Kristina Rose in Pornstar Punishment (I should get with the times) and then there was that outfit that Niquee wore. Speaking of which how about spending more money on things that are not going to happen, namely those same outfits.

If anything sex, strangely enough, is the one thing that’s clear, your mind Will is nothing but a jumbled mess, but in this one aspect of your life you are up and about, straight ahead, hardcore, and let’s try not to sound like Negan anymore. So you know what’s always not on the list, and avoiding it altogether can’t be done, channeling it has been hit and miss, and imagination of a future lover is a failure. You also have to keep in my “Camp NaNoWriMo” is coming up in April; you will be participating in that but what the Hell are you going to write about, more goals, here are your six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Work On The Submissive’s Closet But Buy Nothing (Budget?)
3. I Will Post Two Reviews On My Blog
4. I Will Spend No More Than Eight Hours In Bed
5. I Will Spend No More Than Eight Hours On My Laptop
6. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves

I don’t care what it warrants, but you have to find a life outside of this, today was somewhat Sim-like, should I get back into gaming, of course, “Okay” thinks you should, after all, I did put games on your wishlist. You shouldn’t even be considering a wishlist until these six impossible things are possible, we are all failures in that regard, but maybe you will be the exception, the one that gets it done.

Nooks, crannies, and holes, Will if you want “nooks,” think about that “Black Room” you want to create, choose any “cranny” that doesn’t involve your little head and as far as holes, listen, speak, for god sakes eat. With all your decisions ask WWWT and maybe, just maybe you can think about getting into some well, Nooks, Crannies, And Holes.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 246 ~Eyes On The Prize~

WillLeave a comment

I wish I could say I have something dare I dream almost spiritual to fight for but yeah I’m a man I want a life, dignity, respect, but then again I will settle for so little and then what do you call love “Eyes On The Prize.”

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Lesson 246 ~Eyes On The Prize~

“We’ve got a vision.”
“Eyes on the prize, man. Eyes on the prize.” Road Worrier

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore; if anything you’re your worse enemy so why should it bother you what anyone else says, I’m the nightmare am I right? Maybe it’s the girl we’ve been thinking about because dreams have been few and far between but this one day girl has kept me and hopefully you out of trouble again.

The things we do for the women we don’t know but seriously, how could I have been so blind, what men will do for women, though for the record I wish I wasn’t so damn respectful to those bitches at work. Of course, you won’t say that this week, you’ll say plenty but how much will you live up to, you honestly must start thinking about your goals in life, which is why you’re up again after the mandatory window shopping isn’t that right? The world is full of beauty, and that is slowly driving you mad or madder but still it’s the things we don’t see; at this rate, you’re matching the Christians believing in something like the six impossible things each week like:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 06 No Fap)
2. I Will Find My Latest Amazon Order
Completed
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up Finally
Completed
4. I Will Not Take Any Guff At Work
Failed
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Partial Completion (Do So Much Better)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish Two Whole Chapters
Failed

Didn’t they used to say that with too much “Fapping” you’d go blind, is that the concept that is allowing me to see so clearly now; a good theory because you experience more of the beauty but God how you want to. Lust is the one thing you’ll always be sure of without a doubt because you’re already breaking certain promises to yourself but the girl you’ll someday marry will have expectations and as the song goes “practice what you preach.” Speaking of music, here we go again, those six impossible things, and if you could just do one a day, not so hard right:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 06 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Gift Part Of My Submissive’s Closet
3. I Will Post Two Reviews On My Blog
4. I Will Not Take Any Static At Work
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
6. I Will Find Something I Want Out Of My Life Honestly

Isn’t that what these things should be about anyway; if anything we always stare at what we need, and then we give into temptation; more and more Christian-like but I don’t have a chance at Heaven. Another theory why we’re always sleeping, because when you’re asleep the monsters can’t get you, and with no dreams or nightmares it’s the only time I’m not letting myself down, and I don’t have to worry what anybody thinks.

“Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes,
This is your life”
Switchfoot – This Is Your Life

You see it now my friend, you’re a man of words, and I ask that you be a man of action, which would indeed be something impossible and will take longer than a week but that’s a prize. Being a man that can stand on his own two feet, he’s straight ahead in the mirror, so you keep your Eyes On The Prize.

“I see. I see pride! I see power! I see a bad-ass mother who don’t take no crap off of nobody!” – Junior Bevill, Cool Runnings

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

WillLeave a comment

What are you working for, what do you want, what about when they asked the question in school, what would you do if you had a million dollars; I’d ask how I got a million in the first place. “Get Up And Earn It” and how?

Monday, February 26, 2018

Lesson 240 ~Get Up And Earn It~

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” ― The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

Twenty-First Rule Madam Justice,

I Am Not Afraid Anymore; I may be lazy, then slow, stupid, a great many things, and we don’t have time to go through them all, but the fact of the matter is, I’m here. Now I know that isn’t good enough for some people, I remember telling a girl I’m up and to come over, probably not the best choice of words but that’s where it starts, getting it up, easier said than done.

“Just reach up.” Planet Terror

So what gets it up for me, I’m trying not to think of some stupid sexual innuendo; if anything I’m too tired for that, and I’ll consider that a good thing. The day job doesn’t do it for me but every morning, I get up, I do what I have to, sometimes that means raising your voice, maybe looking someone in the eye, if anything it’s just putting one foot in front of the other. I think therein lies the problem, you have to keep moving but where am I going, who’s race is this, being up and about with no purpose, no life, only the need to feed, how I envy Carl Grimes now.

Who was it that said life is a gift, every day we all have to go out there and earn it, no it’s not a gift, a privilege, an honor. Madam Justice it’s an obligation, a responsibility, and don’t get me wrong I’m not saying that it doesn’t have its good parts here or there. We can enjoy it without a doubt but it sure as hell ain’t free and there are those who don’t earn but merely steal as though that is there purpose. It always comes back to the question, for me what makes me get up, what is it that I want to earn in the end, what does it all mean?

I could talk about being a family man someday, hell I already am, I get up and work, to keep my dog’s belly full, to make sure he has a good life, to keep him with me because he’s getting old in this world. How many times does it come back to somebody else, I love him like pancakes but my dog, promises to friends, all the assholes I know again what is it that gets me up and makes me want to earn anything.

You know something, maybe I have the rule all wrong, should it be get up and learn it… so many years ago and even worse these days; I need time, Get Up And Earn It.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 239 ~Save Room For My~

WillLeave a comment

As the song goes, that’s too much sauce, but I’ll probably be eating a box of chicken all this week, speaking of chicken, the work day is going to be horrible, but there is too much room in my bank account. “Save Room For My”

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Lesson 239 ~Save Room For My~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, this week, high hopes, the bigger they are… just trying to explain why I’m in bed again because I can’t afford to be banging my head on a table, my fists through a wall, and talk about open mouth, insert foot. Is there anything as too much good as well, The Walking Dead returns tonight, you’ll record the Winter Olympic Closing Ceremonies, what about The Elimination Chamber, and you’ll need more closet space with all the submissive shopping.

Is my glass half empty or half full, sometimes you’re just going to want to break the damn glass because the good and the bad are just a mess considerably? There is plenty of room in your bed, too much room in your bank account and even this morning I know you’re already stressing about the coming work week. How about the six impossible things, I’m sorry I let you down a lot this week, but maybe it’s not so bad as it appears hmm:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 02 No Fap)
2. I Will Get Out Of The House
Partial Completion (Store)
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Partial Completion, I know what I have to spend this week
4. I Will Do Something Nice For Indiana Gone’s Move
Partial Completion, last movie night
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed, two full days of backyard fun and cake
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish One Whole Chapter
Partial Completion, Grammarly is a letdown somewhat

Always looking after my dog, still doing for everyone else that there is no room for me, that’s what you will have to contend with this week and since I didn’t work last week… money can be such a hypocrite, too much room in my account and yet it’s getting tight. I would tell you to keep your head up, but even when you’re down you don’t let a single tear fall because that would be too much when you’re in a room of sharks, no drops, tears, blood, otherwise, and yes that is going to become a rule. Speaking of one more list I almost want to call this, a what won’t you do list but six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Find My Latest Amazon Order
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up Finally
4. I Will Not Take Any Guff At Work
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish Two Whole Chapters

One day you’ll have plenty of room on this list for other things, and maybe Amazon is trying to tell you something. Since I ordered something last week, and it should have been here today, so now it’s your problem. I always leave you with issues don’t I but didn’t I say once, difficulties are for tomorrow, even Dr. King saw the promised land, but from the top of the mountain, he didn’t see everyone waiting for him coming down.

As the song goes I hope you’re “staying hungry” so if anything, save room for the fight, but also for the good things too and *sigh* Save Room For My…

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

WillLeave a comment

I’m just adding to my list of sins, poisons, and diseases, and if I can’t find a cure to such things I might die but I’m still breathing aren’t I, and while they say love is all you need well, my dog is doing his best. Disease This Thing Called

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Lesson 232 ~Disease This Thing Called~

To Will:
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, knowledge and understanding stop fear, well maybe I shouldn’t say stops, no the fear never stops but somewhat redirects it, for example at work, I focus on the location instead of the people. You should hope the people at your day job never hear you talk like that, hell if they listen to you speak ever, like “Pontypool,” it’s a disease this thing called humanity, and you’re infected.

I’m sick, you’re ill, and I don’t know if there’s a cure and while I said I don’t blame the media and often lament that this place is Hell but as the song goes “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.’ Well, you see as I try to start over every week. The past will continue to haunt you though; you will continue to commit my same sins, you will become older and be ashamed, how often do we talk about the poisons in your body. Fear, Guilt, Hate, Lust, Shame, so it looks like you will need several more cures, what else do you have going on these days, let’s look at those impossible things now:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 02 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 01 No Fap)
2. I Will Clean Out My Inbox
Failed
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
Failed
4. I Will Figure Out HR
Completed (Hopefully)
5. I Will Focus On The Dog; My Little Boy Is Turning Thirteen The Thirteenth
Partial Completion (A Decent Party)
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish A Chapter
Failed

With so many failures at this rate I’m resurrecting a dead man, and with that, you can change, like I said before I’m going overboard announcing my death and surprise you haven’t yielded, the fact that you’re up dictates you’re doing something. This week the goal is to redirect, not an uncommon idea, and a story prompt the seven deadly sins making themselves out to be virtues and yes there are seven virtues, but we deal better in crimes don’t you think? A lesson if you must give into lust, work on your Pinterest boards, shop for outfits, to clothe your future submissive, if you must be a glutton then eat real food, try that Walmart Pick-Up. If you’re greedy then make it for more words and time for your impossible things like these six:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants, (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Get Out Of The House
3. I Will Get My Bank Account Fixed Up
4. I Will Do Something Nice For Indiana Gone’s Move
5. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
6. I Will Work On My NaNoWriMo Novel, Finish One Whole Chapter

If you’re going to be a sloth get seven to eight hours nightly and spend more time on the couch and not in bed; watch some of the Olympics as well. Wrath would be better served on Walkers in The Walking Dead No Man’s Land and while you’re out and about if you’re going to envy someone make it real like all these interracial couples you’ve seen, strive for that if anything, I’m just saying.

I want you to be proud of yourself, I want the dog to be proud of you, make the future mother of your children proud, make it damn near a disease because life should be something if not a cure but Disease This Thing Called.

“It’s about redirecting.
Evading.
And actually caring about the welfare of your opponent.
So you have to care about yourself.
You don’t have to believe your life is precious, but that all life is precious.
You have to redirect those thoughts, the history that tells you otherwise.
What we’ve done, we’ve done.
We evade it by moving forward with a code to never do it again.
To make up for it.
To still accept what we were.
To accept everyone.
To protect everyone.
And in doing that, protect yourself.
To create peace.” ― Here’s Not Here 06×04, The Walking Dead

I Will Have No Fear

 

Lesson 228 ~Came On The Internet~

WillLeave a comment

What do you say to them, can’t I just nod to whatever because that’s all they want if not a good laugh at my expense, to think when I was a kid, I wanted to be a comedian for quite some time and nobody was laughing at all. “Came On The Internet”

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Lesson 228 ~Came On The Internet~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because my dog won’t embarrass me with his attempts at words; more often than not I find that I envy him. At work, I’ve always wanted to tell people that my dog barks all the time too but at least he’s trying to accomplish something, so what are they doing with their mindless chatter all day anyway.

Not that I could ever imagine to get out anything so eloquent, part of the reason I didn’t call HR back; to think I was all fire and brimstone before. Speech is my sin for today, the fact that I can’t talk to anybody and at the moment I don’t quite want to which is another reason my dog is a great conversationalist. Honestly, I can’t even order hot sauce without humiliating myself which is why I told the guy at Buffalo Wild Wings, “I came on the internet,” I meant my order of course.

Today being Valentine’s Day though I haven’t done that… even spending most of the day in bed, I’ve been recovering. I could say I’ve had worst Valentine’s but this one again in bed, with something I love, if not someone, I have chocolate, and I could go a few rounds with someone… If I wasn’t required to get up and find her and even if I could, what would I possibly have to say? If I could quote my life in three words right; “Don’t Say That” yeah that’s probably going to be a rule that I’ll keep breaking; man has no choice but to sin isn’t that right Echo.

If that is the case then why is everyone else allowed to be stupid and wasteful but I’m expected to shut up or worse, that everything I say is considered a joke. No, I can top that, “family friendly,” “skeevy,” even my name “WILL” when it comes to the bitch that shall not be named. Even today I have to email HR and what am I going to tell them, uh… the truth, which will lead me back to the office and more stupidity honestly.

My dog can’t catch his breath when he’s eating so much, maybe that’s the ticket for me, books don’t work, earphones, and everything else, people always like to talk and are they not entertained? Are you not entertained Inspector Echo, if not I am sorry; if it’s not my words, my spit, some other bodily fluid; came on the internet?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

WillLeave a comment

Lie to me, you’re going to have to, I’ll hate us both, but this is the least I can do because you don’t know me, so you’ll make something up. And like the genie I am, I will make your wish come true and become what you want me to be. The Way You Lie.

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Lesson 221 ~The Way You Lie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, and that is probably the biggest lie I’ve told, no fear, how I have repeated it nearly two hundred and twenty-one times, a hope, a prayer, a lie, a big fucking lie.

When I was a child I became an atheist, a choice and yes this is a “sin” for another time, but because of my cowardice, I would tell people life was terrible, that life sucks, instead of acknowledging how I felt about the church. Sometime later my father confronted me, threatened me and asked what was I going to tell people, how did I feel, and I said “unwell,” and after another threat, I lied. Inspector Echo *sigh* I lied and not to those people, not to my father but to myself and that was the killing stroke, ask me why I hate God, and I could give you a million reasons but the fact that I can’t be me, why should I fear Hell?

“That’s what hell is. Forgetting what you were.” Malleus Maleficarum

Before you ask, I am well aware what an atheist is, not a hatred of God but a complete denial and maybe it’s this whole made in his image that has me asking today why do I hate myself, hell I got to keep my job, didn’t I? Questions upon questions, why did I get to keep my job, and I answer because I became that little boy again, I agreed to lie about who I am, how I feel, and everything because I hate these damn people, and why? Tell me why I choose to hate, because they allow themselves to wipe my existence off the earth and I let them because I hate myself infinitely more every day.

It’s probably the only reason I’m still alive, why I don’t fear to go to Hell… I know it, the fire, you see flames have names, guilt, lust, rage, but lying, that has to be the biggest one for me, I cannot stand a liar. If you knew everything I was lying about, more like omitting but Inspector Echo every day I lie here and show every secret I dare. I even told my manager and district manager, I’ll pretend of course if I get paid, I’ll lie to save my ass, I’ll use lies as weapons, but the truth is so much worse. You learn deceit as quickly as you embrace hate and that is my sin Inspector Echo, I made their lies real.

So forgive me Inspector Echo for accepting those lies, for making my life a lie, for covering their fear and hatred as something I deserve because if you knew me at all you know, I deserve Hell like so many others, and I’ve found it, it’s The Way You Lie.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

WillLeave a comment

At least Walkers or the standard zombies are asking for it, but as for me, I just want to get through my day the best way I know how but apparently that’s not normal and if I’m not one of them? “Not One Of Us,” I just can’t run away though.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Lesson 214 ~Not One Of Us~

Born in grief
Raised in hate
Helpless to defy his fate
Let him run
Let him live
But do not forget what we cannot forgive

And he is not one of us ― (Not One Of Us) from The Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride (1998)

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, as a matter of fact, I’m not a lot of things. I’m not some victim of abuse, depending on how you define it, I am not a human being, again what classifies as human, and I am not going to live forever, have I at all? Speaking of my sins what am I, a coward, a hypocrite, unemployed, not yet anyway I haven’t sent in my account of things at work still.

If I haven’t said it before, how dare I, you know I’ve had my misgivings about the “#metoo” movement mainly because I’m ashamed of my actions towards women, and worse I compare my predicament with my boss to such maddening suffering. My entire life it’s, I’m not black enough, loud enough, and just not like them, so I continuously shift between being a monster and then not worth having a life at all honestly. Don’t worry Inspector Echo I’ll be alive for some time yet but as the song goes:

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had (Mad World)

So what is stopping me from telling someone other than you and maybe Indiana Gone; I can’t say that my goals were genuinely noble when I wanted to report my boss, and there is a fine line between justice and wrath but what happens if I don’t tell? I won’t lie, and if I don’t I’ll get fired but don’t I pretend all the time, at church if I weren’t a Christian my “father” would beat my ass and at work… no job, no life. I have to keep my job at all cost, but instead of spreading my legs or ass cheeks as the case may be, I’ll have to open my mind, to break my heart, to open my mouth to lie on myself, to open my eyes and watch that bastard laugh.

Again my oldest sin, this rage that I feel and at the same time, in an exact moment of “Doublethink” I will kowtow, I will worry, I will know fear because when has anything I’ve ever written helped me? The idea of being an ordinary human, at least in America, I’m a slave to my phone, I keep up the status quo, I lie like anyone else because while the truth will set you free… of the mortal coil, it means I’m not dead yet.

So can you forgive me, may I have absolution, monsters don’t deserve it, and the problem with people is they always are sorry, and I am tired of being sad just being me and as they all seem to think now Not One Of Us?

I Will Have No Fear