Thursday, July 13, 2017

Lesson 012 ~Zero to Hero~

Lu,
Braxton wasn’t a rescue you know, that in no way diminishes his life but he wasn’t saved or rescued, from what I know my “father” shelled out hundreds so my sister could have a purse accessory. Big plans for a small pup and even now, there was an old man that offered me five hundred dollars so his wife could have a little lap dog.

It wasn’t enough, it will never be enough, there wasn’t the slightest bit of temptation, Braxton is mine and I like to think I am his, we protect each other, stay together no matter what. It’s to the point that if the zombies come and I pray that they do that I hope they’re like the “Dawn of the Dead” zombies, you know the ones that wouldn’t eat dogs. So what if they were right, I wouldn’t abandon Braxton, I would die before he does, and that’s simply a fact, a conclusion drawn from the moment we first met Luna.

Now what does that make me, some people would say I’m an idiot, I mean what is Braxton to them, a four-legged, seven pound, bit of fluff but like any real pet owner will tell you, our pets are our children. A parent does right for their children out of love right, responsibly, you bring a life into the world that life is yours, that life holds value, you have expectations and obligations am I right? Now I don’t have any two-legged kids and to be honest, the thought of having any scares me nearly to death but I do want them someday, or at least that’s how I feel at this particular moment really.

I think that such an endeavor makes us better people and I’m sure there are a million good reasons to have kids, love, legacy, the continuation of life but I ask why do I love Braxton so? Of course, he’s mine, so explain to me why does he love me so, what makes him a hero to me and why did I join the club.

“It isn’t the love of a hero, that’s why I fear it won’t do.” Hero

Now that’s a bit presumptuous of me, I’m no hero, I will be the first person to tell you that; first thing that comes to mind is courage and do I have that? What about selfless, what about stupid, goes back to “That’s Not a Compliment” but people in love are heroes and that’s a fine bit of insanity and then there is just timing.

“Well look at this. ‘Pears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?

Big damn heroes, sir.

Ain’t we just.” Firefly (Safe) Episode 5

So this morning, Braxton is busy with his praise the sun routine “walking” helps me out you know, fewer people, less anxiety; so we’re at the end of the street and we spot our neighbor’s dog; Braxton’s Frenemy. I wouldn’t leave him Luna, no collar, on his own for days, another neighbor reporting him missing, probably hungry, scared, so I called out to him. Isn’t that another thing we have talked about, I mean take me all in, T-shirt, sweatpants, holding back a fierce Braxton, and I have “Lucille” with me, all heroes don’t wear capes but come on.

“Nothing in the world is the way it oughta be. It’s harsh and cruel, but that’s why there’s us: champions. Doesn’t matter where we come from, what we’ve done or suffered, or even if we make a difference. We live as though the world were as it should be, to show it what it can be. You’re not a part of that yet. I hope you will be.” Angel (Deep Down)

It wasn’t a question, for thirty minutes, I called, I coaxed, I set Braxton down because even in Braxton’s anger that little dog saw a kindred spirit, and he followed us from house to house. I was afraid neighbors see a black man carrying a blunt instrument, though honestly, I wasn’t scared of the cops, my anxiety was working overtime but I just could not leave that little dog all alone. One of the neighbors even stopped and checked out “Lucille” a white guy, I let him hold it though I never let go and he smiled and eventually went about his day as I continued calling this lost dog.

I did it, I got him home, rushed Braxton into the house, grabbed some treats and went back to the lost little one and got him back to his yard and I shut the fence. Didn’t tell anyone what I had done right then except a friend who wanted me to contact the neighbors and honestly Luna that scared me.

Honestly, I have no quotes on courage because I don’t know what it is, to me, courage is being afraid to do something and then thinking to yourself, what the hell and doing it anyway.

Again I’m no hero, I remember last year “Black Friday” I was at work, of course, maybe it was the year before last, anyway I saw this lost little girl and I was freaked out but I asked her to follow me, I got her to customer service and fortunately her mom was standing in line. Is it wrong to say I was more scared of helping her to the point that I didn’t want to, I could have passed her by but this dog there was just no doubt in my mind you know? Same with that MILF I told you about the other day, first I helped her out because I would hope somebody would do the same for me and then I thought I would have helped her out more because she was desperate and I could have gotten her to do something for me, anxiety is a blessing and a curse.

If anything Braxton teaches me about courage, how many phone calls have I made, people I have cursed out, been prepared to fight, other dogs I have stood against to see to his safety. Of course, I did the same for my sister back in the day but that was not courage, that was the idea that if something happened to her my family would kill me, and so no I would not call myself a hero in any sense.

I thought about all those men that got shot defending, wives, girlfriends, first dates in those shootings, take your pick and how it’s expected for men to do that sort of thing and is it fair. How about if you save yourself, Lady Lu, does that make you a hero then, according to the movie “Defending Your Life” (1991) it doesn’t so the fact that I’m still alive is no big whoop is it. So zero to hero, I got the zero down pact, well actually a friend asked me where I saw myself on my “Blackjack Scale” and while I’m no hero for a little bit today I didn’t exactly feel like a zero, well not until the adrenaline started wearing off after everything.

“If there’s no great glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters…, then all that matters is what we do. ‘Cause that’s all there is. What we do. Now. Today.” Angel (Epiphany)

The lesson Luna, at the end of the day I don’t want to be a hero, I’m not sure I’m what’s best for Braxton, and giving that dog back to people I didn’t see mount an effort to find him… I actually see myself as a villain but don’t we all want that hero’s moment and courage, Zero to Hero.

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” Kevin Costner – The Postman (1991)

“For a true hero isn’t measured by the size of his strength, but by the strength of his heart.” Hercules

“You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” The Dark Knight (2008)