Tag: Son

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

WillLeave a comment

If he were here, what would B ask for? If it were my life, like the song “take me as I am, take my life, I would give it all, I would sacrifice.” If not justice or to live again, he’d ask the favor for me to live? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print

Monday, May 2, 2022

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I know everything has a price or, instead, everyone. Also, I can’t remember my last favor…

Holding the door open for someone? If I want to talk about favors, you know who I have to bring up. Say it with me (AHEM), “B III.” Only it wasn’t doing him favors. “It’s Only Love.” “Unconditionally.” Did I mention how good it is to hear again? I hope I continue to. Anyway, I’ve defined love before. Love is the willingness, want, need, desire, and ability to put one or something above oneself. And yet I’m ashamed it took Triple B dying… Well, here come the tears today, Friday, April 29. So yes, Madam, it’s Time Travel. How do I define a favor? Something being done with no request or repercussion. Of course, that’s off the top of my head. Holding a door requires nothing. Me wasting some time?

How I have wasted so much time today. It reminds me of something Chris Rock said about men being kind to women. All their doing is offering dick. Chivalry, Madam Justice… Today at least, meaning the 29th, only Cherry had to suffer. Wasting time, though:

  1. Maiko Kaneda
  2. Imari Kurumi
  3. Yukiko Minase
  4. St. Louis
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. Aerith Gainsborough
  7. Scarlet
  8. Nico, Nicoletta Goldstein
  9. Hilda
  10. Juliet Starling
  11. Serah Farron
  12. Ashe, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca
  13. Lulu
  14. Linkle
  15. 2B
  16. Commander White
  17. Kainé
  18. Rikku
  19. Airi Akizuki
  20. Zone-tan
  21. Rei Ayanami
  22. Michiru Kaiou
  23. Kaori Saeki
    024.

I’m sure this list has grown by now, much like myself… Yeah, a bad joke. I’ve done myself a favor and cut the phone off while we’re talking. I’ve never done that for another girl. This leads me to my point. There’s my Ma, my money, and my loins when it comes to women. I love my Ma; I work for women. And then with Others… AHEM “all I wanted was to see her naked.”

Has anyone done me a favor? Well, sure, but these past few days. I got a day off, but they were trying to save money. Breakfast? I had to go in. Holding doors sometimes… “Love Is an Open Door?” Fuck did I only now get that song? When I was still living with my Olds, I needed to close the door. There were no closed doors when it came to me and B III. Yeah, there were baby gates, but I never closed the door unless I was wrong? I always invited Braxton’s aunt in. M Anime has an invitation. Cherry’s dress was hanging on the door… Hell, I should do myself another favor. What do I want from myself? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print.

Gospel 305 ~B III, B IV~

456 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

WillLeave a comment

“Bad” things I’ve spent money on… pistol, porno, plenty of food (B was always hungry.) His Aunt, though, fixed him a cake so full he actually threw in the towel. I got gifts to buy with birthdays and a week to endure and survive. “Ways To B Bad”

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is it sad, mad, or bad that you aren’t as well? With mornings like this, right.

It’s sad that you didn’t participate in Camp NaNoWriMo last month, not a day. “For the First Time in Forever.” If you haven’t been listening to Succubus Lord, play Disney. Speaking of Disney, don’t forget to buy Braxton’s Aunt a little bit of each for her birthday on Star Wars Day. With all the reasons to be sad, what’s one more. The fact that you won’t be spending this one in front of the TV. Hell! Like Succubus Lord, you know the stories so well that you could listen and never be lost. “And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think?” I talk about not being lost, but you won’t listen to me. Makes me wonder why you woke up late. That and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because it’s mad to wake up to failure at the beginning of every week. Hell, it’s mad to get up at all some mornings. You don’t want to go sounding like Cherry now. B would never forgive me for that. I’ve said often enough he spent his life protecting me always. And as the song goes, “He Lives In You.” I swear three different Disney references. From Frozen, The Lion King, and (sigh) Star Wars. You’re trying hard not to forget your friends, or at least Yabbos you haven’t seen, with M Anime and Cherry. M Anime talks about “going soldier.” It’s madness that we all haven’t with life. One more reason you continue studying death. “Perpetually trapped… in a never-ending spiral.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Even knowing this is bad. But yeah, it was getting a little too cute. Either way, both get you into trouble, and it’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway. Last week’s lessons. Take Monday, for example. You shouldn’t wait so long to get help. The money spent… On that note, 20 X 52 is 1,040. You hate math. So honor B III without the food and treats? I’d ask you to lay off “adult entertainment,” but this week brings its “humiliations galore.” So while you’re getting gifts for Carolina. And imagining Cherry with nothing on, buy something… I don’t know what, but don’t give the Day Job this Day (sigh). Inevitable. You and Braxton, Bad Boys For Life. Ways To B Bad

Gospel 304 ~Will You Just B~

455 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

WillLeave a comment

I think I’ve only “lived” four days ever, and two of them I regret. E-Day and the day my boy died. And the other two… it’s way too early, and I got things to do. I always have something but never in my best interest or B’s. Busy Living, B Dying.

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still wouldn’t make sense… B’s passing. I told M Anime we have a price.

$155.01 That’s how much I made the week B died. $234.90 is the amount he died for. That’s the week I was working as he lay dying. Until this second, I never bothered to look. I still keep all the paperwork from his first exam at the beginning of the month to my guilty plea. Hell, the evidence that shows what I did. But why am I bringing this up? Never can tell with these things, Lady Lunalesca. I wake up every morning saying, NO! Should I be “happy” that I’m being reimbursed for getting fucked free of earwax, hehe? What about the fact that I have security for another year? Paycheck disappeared so fast. If only M Anime saw it, what would she think?

A great man once said, “It Doesn’t Matter.” Lunalesca, I know I was disgusted with myself despite my productivity yesterday. Creaming all over the bedsheets. Like Johnny Lawrence finding the internet in Cobra Kai. What I deserve, napping or masturbating. Why am I being so crude today? I woke up on time… okay, fifteen minutes late after shutting off the alarm. One more thing to piss me off today. If it was the Day Job? Fuck! The days I jump out of bed because, as I said. This way or that, I am fucked, Luna. Yet this morning, it wasn’t as if I was sleeping anyway or better, resting, recovering. After Monday, I can’t even sleep as I choose. I keep thinking I’ll be deaf.

That’s not a dig at those who are Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t I blessed to have one ear? And aren’t I blessed that after an hour at the doctor’s office, I have two, and then what Lunalesca? Cherry asked me to send a page of my work to her as she works on her editing gig. I got an email from a guy who saw my reviews (hmm) and wants me to do one for him. Even B III… I was busy reading, and I still know, feel, believe I can’t pick up another “normal” book. You know one, not about grieving and mourning? Not that I mind that much. Existing. For damn sure, I ain’t living. 454 Days, dick in hand. Busy Living, B Dying.

Gospel 303 ~Hello, Hello, Monsieur B~

454 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 298 ~Rank People Higher Than Magazines~

WillLeave a comment

How this rule spoke to me once upon a time… Um, it’s not like I would be able to hear it anyway. While I’m all into books and a glossy page from time to time, magazines were never my thing, really. For the articles? Rank People Higher Than Magazines.

Monday, April 25, 2022

Chronicle 298 ~Rank People Higher Than Magazines~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I own every Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition. And while on my mind, Playboy, Eileen Kelly…

What, would you instead have me talk about my Earache some more? Trust me, Madam, I read up on that before I stopped by to talk to you. I wasted $75.00 for a waxy clump. Should I cry about Triple B today? That goes without saying… remember day 428? While I’ve been hemorrhaging money and not spending it on Braxton, I’ve bought 18 books on pets. The majority of them are all about grieving. Where was this zeal last year? In-memorial?And of course, there’s what I waste the most money on? As I said. While I read everything, not about fur babies, the year my son died, I got pretty heavy into photography. Hell! I was looking for anything worse than being a murderer, Madam.

Objectifying women? Madam, it was only several Victoria’s Secret catalogs when I was a boy. There’s a quote from Lao Tzu attributed to Gandhi about your thoughts. A thought can become a word, an action, a habit, your character, and your destiny. Madam, I’d like to tell you that it’s my destiny to write novels. I look at what day it is. Dennis Hof wrote a book, but he also owned several brothels. What about Hugh Hefner? Speaking of men, I shouldn’t be looking up to. Ron Jeremy, Larry Flynt. Must I continue? Since the beginning of the internet, “Dial-Up” (shudders), dare I say. I would make magazine covers of a specific nature. It’s how I found my first cover girl, a mistake for sure.

Not the color of her skin but the content of her character. Um, we can talk about her hair color. That’s something I’ve been focusing on a lot since last night. It’s how I slept. There are bodies, boobs, and what big eyes you have. Yeah, being that close someday? That’s when the words will come out right so that I’ll be publishing novels one day. There was a time I wanted to report stories, yet you see how the world is… Hell. Fuck I sent Braxton to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, whatever. He’s deserving of a Bible. But no; Maiko Kaneda, Imari Kurumi, Yukiko Minase, St. Louis, Tifa Lockhart. And someone real? Then, Madam Justice, I’ll be one to Rank People Higher Than Magazines.

Gospel 298 ~Behave In B’s Haven~

449 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

WillLeave a comment

If I wasn’t in so much pain right now, I wouldn’t leave this bed. Isn’t that exactly what got me into trouble in the first place? Lying here yesterday thinking I was doing myself a favor so I could “HEAR” the world around me. We’ll B Going Soon.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, yet I leave you to suffer. I haven’t owed someone an apology like this since B III.

Because as the song goes, “’cause I’m still here.” At least the repercussions of my sins. Those have you suffering at this moment. What was it I said about putting things out into the universe? And now that I have, dammit, your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger. Now, of course, this is your call to make. Are you going to be like any Republican and hoard what wealth you have? Will you let people suffer? Helps that THEY don’t consider you a person, a man. Have you ever wondered why dragons would sit on heaps of gold forever? It didn’t help when Braxton was dying, and you were so fucking selfish. I wish I had been selfish yesterday. You’d be better off.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone by Gary Kowalski
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But now you have to leave this bed and go to the store to fix my mistake. You’re not even sure you can, but you have to try. Even in this, you continue to be a miser because Walmart is what you know. You have a choice. With a thousand choices, you’ll see the sticker price. But a few hours ago, you were ready to go rushing off to a doctor. History repeats itself, you see. When B III was sick, you were anxious to get him to a vet, whatever the cost. But all you can think about is the sticker shock with your own well-being; hmm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right? Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen?

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Dale Carnegie talked about accepting the worst case, and after that, what do you have to worry about? The Tenth Man Rule talks about disagreeing when a decision’s been made. So your decision so far? After our conversation has ended, you’ll take a shower, go to the store, and return with what you need. What’s the worst thing? Terrifying? Inevitable? Death doesn’t frighten you. Pain is a deserved punishment for what happened to B III. Still, the way you’re feeling right now? I looked to comfort my friends instead of myself all last night. I did fight for you Friday, so the Day Job isn’t an issue. If I have any advice for you, stop putting yourself last. Six Impossible Things? We’ll B Going Soon.

Gospel 297 ~B Free Of Knowing~

448 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 296 ~Have A Cow B~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t have a cow, man! Well, my second best friend is about to have a lot of chickens. B would have loved to visit a farm… Poor choice of words, he got sent to “the farm.” And while I’m mad about that and other things. “Have A Cow B, if you like.” Ha

Saturday, April 23, 2022

Chronicle 296 ~Have A Cow B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so how can I be mad, having such maladies. And, of course, still want to masturbate.

What can I say today? I believe the word would be “Moo!” That’s considering the major beef I have today. Also, knowing that everything I say will inevitably be incoherent. Would I make myself out to be Marjorie Taylor Greene? The things that make us angry; yesterday, Lady Lunalesca, it was the Day Job schedule. More to the point, cowardice. Hell, I didn’t have to be angry. If I had done what I needed to do Wednesday or even called Thursday. Oh yeah! That would mean I have two ears, and I’m still pissed, Lunalesca. We’ll get to that, along with the things I can’t say anymore. Yesterday all I wanted to say was, “I’ll think about it,” “I’ll have to see” doesn’t mean yes.

Triple B never said a damn word, but I knew what he meant. What Lunalesca, you didn’t think I would forget about him… again. If this was Squid Game, my number would be “428.” I still can’t forget that, but it’s day 447 today. How many more in my Hell? When Braxton got mad, he would grunt and grumble a bit like a piggie. Growling? Lunalesca, that would be him too. I would have brought food. And he would have sat in the den waiting for me to change. B III was always waiting for lies, little bites, like, love. It was usually me that was having a cow, though. A burger, the bad stuff at work. I had a lot of beef Lady Lunalesca.

And as much as Triple B should hate me now… That’s the only thing I might have taken from all those books. Doesn’t Braxton hate me? He had enough love for both of us. Humans are the ones who carry hate, wrath, and so much beef. Fuck, shrimp, chicken. Luna, I think so little of myself that I couldn’t speak up, and I tried Friday; Lu, yep, I did. I couldn’t hear myself. I carry such hate for myself that I won’t go and see a doctor. Money for one. But best believe I’m going to buy two bottles of cranberry juice and more pills. Hate will maul me as I rage internally at the Rebeccas. I can’t be Braxton’s Dad. Have A Cow B.

Gospel 296 ~The Battling Barker Braxton~

447 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 291 ~Kindness Beats Right On Occasion~

WillLeave a comment

I know this isn’t the RIGHT time, and I’m KIND of sick now. Hell, I haven’t been right for 442 days. And kindness has never been my forte when everybody I see daily is a… well, moving on. Kindness Beats Right On Occasion

Monday, April 18, 2022

Chronicle 291 ~Kindness Beats Right On Occasion~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so even if I look or am being STUPID, shitty, perhaps skeevy, money and might make right.

I can say that I want to feel right at this moment. But I’m settling for kindness. Of course, what’s that going to net me? Even talking to you right now, Madam Justice isn’t any kindness. It’s only, what’s right, because I’m time traveling, so you know what that means? Monday, I’m anything but kind because I need to be right. If I’m not right, I’m wrong, and you know how I see that. As the song goes, “I feel STUPID.” But this particular moment? Yeah, you guessed it, I feel sick, silent, and sinful. Is it a kindness to try and save me in such a manner? Or would it be right to spend money I don’t have to get the help I need?

I was kind to my boy in his last days. Considering how I am with most people, I was kind to him always. Hell, it wasn’t kindness; it was outright love. Hatred does the unthinkable. When it comes to love and hate, all I’ve heard in life. In the end Madam, “love conquers all.” But hatred dilutes it. Call it my Republican tendencies; everything I said about being a billionaire and such, but I’m not. In a way, I’m worse. I’m indifferent at times (sigh) selfish. I cover it up by saying I’m doing the right thing. But like happy what about right? Madam, if I had been right, Braxton would be alive, but I needed his kindness, and I gave mine back to him.

It’s always been my theory that I could afford such kindness once everything is right. Yeah, being kind to Braxton’s aunt, to Cherry, to M Anime. Kindness to myself, well, a specific part anyway, but am I being right? Keeping Braxton alive… kindness and right. Now, if you asked me what would feel right today? Monday, let’s go back four months before the Tifa Lockhart dress. Oh, and let’s not forget Zoe Colletti. Strawberry Blonde… I wouldn’t be all out of sorts. My pain would be on trying to hear out my right ear now. No, what would be right is to be punished for all I’ve done. God is cruel, kind, love; who knows. Call living this way, right? Kindness Beats Right On Occasion

Gospel 291 ~Bye The Letter B~

442 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

WillLeave a comment

The thing to your left or right is your defense… To my left is a frame showing my son, the box with his remains and let’s not talk about the drawer beneath. There’s juice, meds, and some notes full of dirty things to my right. B-Side You That Counts.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and God, how you need to make it rain right now. I’m sorry I left you nothing.

There’s still a love for Braxton inside you always. But how was that brought out 441 days ago? To think of all the days you wish you could join him. Yeah, you woke up wishing. Pure selfishness that you’re only thinking about yourself. Again, as always. Your bum ear and whatever’s been going on since January. Yes, my fault, I know. And with this week? Like my predecessors, I don’t know what to tell you right now. Hell, in a few minutes? Pop pills, drink cranberry juice, and go back to bed? Yeah, that last one assumes you left it. No? For that, you would need good sense. Heart, and some fucking guts. Impossible hmm? There’s a whole damn list about oh Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of things not inside you. Didn’t I talk about a brunette, a pair of “Daisy Dukes,” and some dirty talk? I fucked up #4 of the list; fucking owe you lots of apologies. I’d say pardon my language if I thought you’d hear me. Oh no, you know what you’re hearing at this particular moment. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. To feel good for about how long? It would beat you vomiting all over the place. Yup, once upon a time, right? Looks like you got ahold of that pill after all for all the good it will do. You could be making yourself worse, putting all this into the universe. Then again, B III doesn’t get more dead. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone” by Gary Kowalski
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At least there was someone to share the burden when he was beside you. Those that were never meant for him and, in the end, what happened. Um, you don’t look a thing like Jesus. I know. Yet you promised him paradise, and with the books, you’re reading this week. Found it? Tell that to the girl in your bed. Oh yeah, that’s right, there’s no girl anywhere near here, right? From “When You Were Young” to “Pictures on My Phone,” you’re hopeless sigh. It doesn’t stop you from believing in “The Placebo Effect,” now does it? The juice beside you, the thought of more pills, chicken noodle soup. But it was always B III. The love of your little boy. B-Side You That Counts.

Gospel 290 ~Orange You Glad Braxton~

441 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 289 ~Will You B There~

WillLeave a comment

My latest earworm is “Will You Be There.” Right next to it is Succubus Lord 14, which I might finish today. Then there’s whatever’s in my ear for real driving me mad. It’s not B being gone? Reincarnated? The Man I was reflected back? Will You B There

Saturday, April 16, 2022

Chronicle 289 ~Will You B There~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means whatever I want better be there. In truth, what do I look forward to?

It wasn’t the earworm of “Will You Be There” from Michael Jackson. As it’s been for 440 Days and counting. There have been tears. Tears for B III, boys and girls in cages, being in bed and knowing what awaits outside. I don’t have to go, you remark, Lady Lunalesca. Well, are you saying that? You know my ear is still fucked up. Speaking of earworms, and that’s pretty gross, I know. One more thing that’s wrong with me, And cranberry juice and a nice hot bath weren’t able to cure it as of late. Billionaire status is looking better daily. Only not with what I was doing during that bath. I’m still disgusted with what I’ll have to tell the Man in the Mirror.

Because he’ll be there… Hell, with the storm raging outside, how do I know? I’m not that lucky, am I? Those are some dangerous words, Luna. The world is ever more so, and B III isn’t here. Friday, I was reading again about how I should be memorializing my son. “Invoking the Spirit.” Yeah, that’s what I need The Craft, Bible Black, Succubus Lord, sexy chicks. It’s stuff like this, Lady Lunalesca. I always kept Braxton far away from it. And then I wonder why I go into these periods of “celibacy.” Ok, masturbation, porn like Opiumud, Niisath, and worse. I don’t even bother with people. But then again, what are we, Lady Lunalesca. Most people don’t look at me as a man, of course. Yet singing I’m only “Human.”

Only I would look into Braxton’s eyes, and it’s like that scene from “Hook” when the lost boy finally recognized Peter Pan. You know something, Lady Lunalesca, that it’s, right? When I look at these furry babies, I’m looking for whoever I used to be 15 years ago. Daddy, because what I am right now isn’t who I want to be. Hateful, Horny? Not Healthy, Happy. Well, I’m never happy, even in all the stories I wrote at one point. Oh, and all the things I’m reading now. But yeah, I’m finding myself mired in their grief, Lunalesca. It beats what people see. Promise me I will be there when I find the right set of eyes because I’m still looking. Will You B There.

Gospel 289 ~B Gets The Girl~

440 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 284 ~Got To Burn To Shine~

WillLeave a comment

I almost forgot my lapse in all things B 428 days ago. He still sits and stays in his box (sigh), but I won’t go burning his things. Speaking of which, I wish I knew what was wrong with me. Oh, I burn in a non-COVID sort of way. Got To Burn To Shine.

Monday, April 11, 2022

Chronicle 284 ~Got To Burn To Shine~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so all that money is burning a hole in my pocket. But a billionaire living in America…

Now I don’t mean to get all political at around 4:00 AM this morning. Environmental? Now, last time I checked, that water is still leaking into the dirt. My “father” is coming to “fix it.” Oh, we will get all into my embarrassment in a bit. Let’s stick with the physical, hmm. If we had to go over everything wrong with my body right now, the horror. Ear, other things? The glow of all the screens that I have been watching. You say I should get outside. But yeah, you saw that got me all sorts of problems and memories. Have you seen B’s yard? Braxton’s Aunt had it right in saying, “Jumanji!” I can only imagine if I brought a new friend home… BUGS!

Okay, so that’s two movie references, and again to be embarrassed? I’m tempted to say I would rather face the Day Job’s “Humiliations Galore” than my “father” this morning, J. I did something with my Stuff and Thang yesterday for OnlyFans. Oh, don’t worry, I’m still a monk “pretty much,” but should I be ashamed? Should rage, wrath, and ruin prevail? I’ve been angry a lot, but at myself for a few days for the most part. So we got Jumanji, Starship Troopers, and The Princess Bride, so add in Red Dawn. “It keeps me warm.” Seeing my shame, “sexiness,” and seeing red are the only ways people see me. Madam, I don’t want to shine like that. To be the joy of their laughter.

Only everything else I know is a first-class ticket straight to Hell. I let Braxton burn because I couldn’t protect him. And now, every day, I rise and shine, and for what? Reliving it. Again, there is much more of myself to destroy every day than to create. I burn through time like there is no tomorrow. Since I’m doing that, why not burn money and manuscripts? But if I could only burn this mattress. B was my light in the darkness, and without him… No wonder my sins burn even brighter but do they light my way? How about all the books on grieving, yet I cannot walk into the light. It’s not my place yet, but I feel… Got To Burn To Shine

Gospel 284 ~B Eager As Ever~

435 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will