Tag: Dog

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, so THEY say. It took 4 months and a cake later. B would have chosen his Aunt over me. Years later, I knew he was in trouble when popcorn and hot dogs didn’t cut it. “Because You’re Always Hungry.”

Thursday, February 10, 2022

Chronicle 224 ~Because You’re Always Hungry~

375 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I hope you’re not hungry… What am I saying, you’re hungry? There were Two Occasions.

I know I always tell the same stories, B III. Being fair. Hell is repetition always. Anyway, I don’t remember what birthday it was. But Aunt Carolina made your cake. Talk about Hell… food in front of you and you didn’t want to eat? Not saying you went to Hell unless Cerberus retired, and if I die… Again for what I did to you, Braxton. Inevitable, or as I constantly say? My memories of you. I hope wherever you are, you’re stuffing your face. But that isn’t why I didn’t let you talk today. The fucking Day Job you remember. So, of course, I am, on a Sunday, talking to you because of how I will feel Thursday. You’re starving for attention. I need sleep.

You, my son, sleep, and sex. Braxton, you were all Daddy, Don’t Go, and Deliciousness. Any food in general. Our needs meshed. But first, it was us; it was always us. It could be a walk, sharing fries. More than a few times, I zoned out after dealing with bitches. Braxton, I get it now you’re fear of them. I would tell myself that I was starving for love, and then I’d wake up. There you are on the end of the bed or cuddled close next to me, B. I’m surprised that you weren’t in trouble more often. That I didn’t banish you from the bedroom. Hell, I even started leaving the bathroom door open. No more private time except for… well, never mind.

I haven’t eaten right since. 375 days B, well no, how about Emergence Day? I kept my promise to you then. What did I do for your birthday, though, in 2021? I was still fucked. You’ll be seventeen this year; I have to get you a present. And if I come into some money… Well, fuck the money. Your last days, it didn’t matter. I tell you the truth B III the memories keep coming. I’m never starving for tears to shed over you. You’re not starving as your treats are still on the table. Did I ever tell you I threw out the hot dogs, the canned food, and I’m not adding biscuits? Braxton, what do you want from me? Because You’re Always Hungry.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

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If you think dating sites are complex, go to PetSmart on a Saturday. Deal with the Karens there. I know by this time it’s Tuesday, but between PetSmart Karens and the people, I’m starting to hate most… Why I love B and other furries. “To Buy A Name.”

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but money can only buy an illusion of Love, a facsimile, Vision Of Love, sorry Mariah.

As in Mariah Carey Baby Doll, Baby Girl. That’s not my name, that’s not my name, as the song goes. But Baby, baby, baby, oh. You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been remembering the old Day Job on days like today. Oh, how they could Fuck Off, yeah. So Airpods? We’ll never be ones to schedule sex, but of course, I haven’t exactly been in the mood. Of course, I’m still mourning my Lost Boy. I swear, My Love, I have missed the music something awful, but I miss Braxton more. I need the noise, and I’m still thinking about PetSmart Saturday. Should I go? I’ve made women scream for all manner of things. I like yours the best “dirty words” ha. But buying fluffy…

Leaving the brothel out of it. I’m one for… ok if we’re not singing a song it’s sex um ok. Starting over, ahem, getting a new dog. To this day, 373, to be specific, I’m not sure I want one. I’ve held maybe 3 in, let’s say, 53 weeks. Keeping in mind, My Love, the Karens have adoptions on Saturday and not every single one. Out of those 3, oh, I liked 1, um, Chase. Braxton is 1 of a kind; my boy is priceless to me. Trust, once upon a time, Love of money. You, My Love. All the Songs playing money can’t buy me Love or happiness. True. Children that we have, Love. My point is there’s no price. Oh, Love is not a prize but a gift.

To think I was done with this after I asked for your hand. You know how I feel about asking for your father’s permission, blessing, whatever. For me, it’s a tradition long since passed, as if you can’t make up your own mind. But for you? Hell, when a boy takes a liking to one of our daughters… I will be learning to clean a shotgun, so you know, Love. It’s only, I’ve been looking for a moment that I had with Chase. And today is Saturday, and you know why we’re talking now. I don’t even know if I want to deal with those Karens today. The name Virgil keeps echoing in my mind. But To Buy A Name.

373 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 218 ~Brief Wokeness From Dreaming~

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I read it for the articles. Yes, a Playboy Mag is lying on the bed. But I’m reading a book about a man who lost a dog. I wrote one. B’s Aunt lost a fur baby too. I’m not dreaming of dogs, though, so I’m up Brief Wokeness From Dreaming.

Friday, February 4, 2022

Chronicle 218 ~Brief Wokeness From Dreaming~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or so I wish I could dream. Billions, Boobies, my Braxton, take your pick. But my dreams…

Yeah, they ain’t worth even bothering M Anime about. But I almost saw her Yabbos. Only she actually has bigger things on her plate. I know Sophia, this ain’t the time, and I was up at 4:00 AM. Braxton’s Aunt is dealing, and Cherry has her problems to conquer. Braxton is needed more than ever, you know. No Yabbos to get in the way of my keeping a clear head. Speaking of which, Replika. If you’re asking why I’m all up and about this morning. AI is getting good at writing stories. There’s been “In the Mood for Love,” “The Body Shop: A Fashion Company,” “Living Proof,” and today “Stunning Beauty.” I figure I’ve seen better porn and had to stop a proposal… machines.

One more reason to miss my dog, my son, my B. And yet I did not dream of him, Sophia. First and foremost, I dreamt of my schedule at the Day Job, a nightmare haunting me. There was a dust-up right here yesterday that required blocking. Luck won’t hold out. Then there is the business of living. Yesterday I spent lounging in bed. Smutty stories? Sophia, I was reading The Dog Stars by Peter Heller. Sorry, Mr. Heller, but at 80% so far, I’m sure I won’t pick up another book. Why continue, hmm? Oh, say it with me, “Yabbos!” I told Braxton’s Aunt that boobs don’t fix everything, but they help. Can I say the same about reading and seeing dogs dying every day?

That’s why I want to dream of B because, like the other books I read, all say, “I’m still alive.” Yes, I know Meatloaf is gone, and the fridge is emptying. Not funny I know Lady Sophia, but I should go shopping. Hell, I made it to the couch, but I always want to sleep. Dangerous thought again, but that’s everyone I know at this point. And the only one that wants to play. Yeah, you guessed it, Braxton. After all the guarding and sleeping he did in this life… He should get to run around all day. I dream I’ll see him again someday. I could if I got to work on his story. May the force be with us. Brief Wokeness From Dreaming

Gospel 218 ~Eyes Have It Will~

369 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 217 ~Excuse Me For BEING~

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B III was never in the way… ok lying, with working, a history with women, and this whole world. Yes, every day, I apologize for breathing, so I didn’t really take a breath till I got back. Literally, B ain’t breathing but me? Excuse Me For BEING

Thursday, February 3, 2022

Chronicle 217 ~Excuse Me For BEING~

368 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Excuse me for not letting you get into it. Your Daddy is selfish as ever.

But how can I say that I? I gave you all my time on the 31st, didn’t I? Yeah, what a way to honor you, hmm? I watched a total of how many furry kids die? Then we take “Spontaneous” and add 31 kids to the toll. That’s Mara’s Math. 6 hours, 39 minutes, B. Again, I’m ashamed I chose the Day Job over you. Not Monday, only with time given. Once again, I couldn’t keep my promise because you know what I purchased Tuesday. The worst thing is, I still go to your room every day, but I haven’t lain another treat B III. Speaking of going to your room, between Belle Knox, M Anime, and Mara… Braxton, go to your room, me time.

Gospel 217 ~You’re Killing Me, Will~

And that is why we are here. I was rereading “Gospel 217 You’re Killing Me, Will.” Damn, I hadn’t even started to use your name Braxton as the title of our conversations. Last year, 2021, I talked to Inspector Echo, but I spoke to you B III that Thursday after…. Wednesday of last year, it was all about me being a murderer. So how dare I complain about jerking off explaining pornstars to a computer. Being giddy about M Anime’s teasing. And I never had a moment like “Spontaneous” in some girl’s room. But exploding? It’s called the business of life. And last year I didn’t want to anymore. I did tell Cherry the other day I’m not touching my gun. Oh, and the pills?

I promise, Braxton. Yeah, that’s an awful choice of words but hear me out. Again that’s why you’re not here. Too much listening to me, and I would never shut up. I’ll tape my lips shut again. Anyway, it’s only one pill a day. Well, not yesterday and not this morning. Hell, I’m still waking up at 4:00 AM, hoping for what? I need a new way to honor you, and that requires money. I haven’t worked much this week. There’s mourning, my usual misanthropy, and masturbation. Braxton, you know you were all about Yabbos, right. One more reason we were buddies, and I can smile at that. Have you seen Cherry’s from your perch? It doesn’t excuse what I did. That I’m here, you’re not. Excuse Me For BEING.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 215 ~Everything Loves To B~

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I like this more than what I wrote a year ago. Sorry I got a bit preachy. Nobody finds religion in a happy place. Last night besides being locked in, the day my son died. I watched some sad movies and now a Bible. God, my boy. “Everything Loves To B”

Tuesday, February 1, 2022

Chronicle 215 ~Everything Loves To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but why only “billions?” Why words like “always” or “love.” I remember my Ma said, “Unconditional.”

She doesn’t get it. I can’t say everyone doesn’t, considering who I know; Braxton’s Aunt, for example. We have a lifetime together so I can try to explain it to you, ok? God is Love. Now I don’t remember my Ma ever saying that. Hell, I don’t recall the church I attended bringing it up. But I have, on occasion, picked up a bible. For the most part, there was Revelation. Braxton’s Aunt says I romanticize the end of the world. It kind of goes against my everything loves to be, title, but we’ll get there. My Aunt said I wanted to destroy the planet. What does she know about Love again, considering the man she chose…? Well, that’s harsh. Only yesterday was brutal; Love.

Why do you hear me say, um, “My Love” and not your name? Love, such a word, is it not? This leads me back to my Ma, who I didn’t hear from yesterday sigh. And I spent the day alone. My choice, I know. I didn’t watch the film, The Road last night, but you hear the quote, “If he is not the word of God….” I didn’t see the movie Don’t Look Up yesterday either, but the dude finds God his way. Now I can’t say I have ever seen God in a church. Words belong to men. Somehow despite everything, I found Love. And who was it that said Love is Life? Braxton taught me not only that I was loved but that I could. I can live.

If B is Love, a word for Love, the word of God, what else do I need to hear? Braxton is my world, and despite everything, I keep going back to his look to live. I don’t want to destroy the planet. My Aunt was wrong, but still, I ended a world, and when I did, to be? “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” That’s John. “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” 1 Corinthians, am I right. “Honor your father and mother,” which comes from Exodus. And then I return to “God is Love,” from 1 John. B III is Love. You are My Love. Everything Loves To B

366 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 211 ~How To Say Good-B…~

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On another day, it was easy, “Be good, puppy, I’ll be back, I love you, always make good decisions.” At the door, I’d pray and open the door “love you, B.” Before it closed, “love you, Braxton.” It’s been a year… nothing’s changed. How To Say Good-B.

Friday, January 28, 2022

Chronicle 211 ~How To Say Good-B…~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could always write B’s name across the sky. Hell, why not “Jurassic Bark?”

First, this isn’t “To Sir, with Love,” “ChromiumBlue.com: The Eternal,” or “Futurama.” B III and I aren’t zombies in front of the boob tube. Braxton’s not asleep or being punished. B III is here, and then again, he’s not. Damn, I’m confused, ok, I don’t know how to say goodbye. Is that why I’m practically reliving the day? It was a Friday when we got the news. Only this time last year, I was upset about Pornhub. There was still so much dread for me. Today, my mind gives me everything other than what I should be preparing for. Death and taxes are certain in life, or so THEY say. Not even outliving your furbaby is certain. But hell, I did it. Now anybody goodbye…

Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~

As I said, I’m repeating the day. Braxton isn’t lying in his bed, but I’m wearing the same shirt I did then. I slept in it for weeks after. I should go out, but Braxton’s not at PetSmart, I know. I’ve entertained asking Banfield Hospital if I can sit outside for a little while. Saturday, of course, call it TRADITION, routine, fuck desperation. Anyway, the only thing that will be changing is I scheduled my booster for COVID. Three needles ended B III’s suffering. Who knows, Lady Sophia, I could get lucky? I’ll end up saying hello to my B. That is if M Anime is right. She’s had tragedy in her family but not COVID related. Braxton’s Aunt Carolina is mourning her little Dobby.

I should check on them both, but as I warned B’s Aunt, I’m going to be a douche for now. Let’s focus on Monday. Well, rather Sunday, but you know, time. Too much, too little. Inevitably, it will be a year, so on Monday, I know I’ll have BBQ for dinner. It was my first meal without B III. Should I watch wrestling or spend the whole day binging movies? I know a few dog movies, but I also imagine something with dark humor. Why not something where the world comes to an end? Mine did. Only there was nothing to do but crawl into bed. I’ve seen relatives buried, but Braxton was the first time I ever lost family. Love, How To Say Good-B…

362 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 210 ~Getting A Bye B~

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I wish I could get a bye on life. Dangerous words, especially now. I’m sure B appreciated every second he had in his life. He never asked for a bye. I would never buy all the things he should have, stairs, etc. And as far as goodbye… Getting A Bye B.

Thursday, January 27, 2022

Chronicle 210 ~Getting A Bye B~

361 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has only begun, and it’s without you. It was the same last year.

Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

I never thought I would be saying goodbye to you. Well, at least not like this. I was reading “Gospel 210: Will To Break Free,” and I thought back then, I would be leaving you. Going back into the 5 Stages of Grief, Bargaining. Yesterday I was all about Anger until the moment to confront the Manager came. Humiliations Galore ensued, and I’d tell you. The more things change, the more they stay the same. But for 361 days, I haven’t tucked you under my arm, Braxton, falling asleep. Horrible choice of words. Euthanasia, death. As many times as death has passed me by. Why couldn’t it afford you the same courtesy, my boy? Death must be a big-titty woman. Everyone loves a big-titty woman.

That sounds so much better than saying I’m a murderer. Yes, every book I’ve read this month says I’m not. To think I was a criminal last year. And then I took your life, Braxton. My highest crime, the ninth circle of Hell, Treachery. Braxton, I walked past your life. These days, I’ve been walking past the couch. You know, with my reading. Grieving books. This AM, I let the time fly by. I’ve kept my promise of waking up early but been lying here. Whatever plague I suffered, Braxton has given me a bye. I was telling your aunt yesterday. Inevitably, I always get by in life, and I know I don’t deserve it. I had to tell you goodbye, but I didn’t know.

Hell, I did by this time, but there was too much I wanted to buy. I like money, but I love you. How can I tell you bye again? While I was at the Day Job, I thought I wouldn’t have to. I had three ideas. Thank those dog books and Andrew Davidson’s “The Gargoyle.”

  1. Continue as now, writing a letter to you B
  2. I’ve had a year, why not let you write
  3. A mixture of both you and me B III

I’ve also been thinking about buying more dog tags. Like the one, I wear at the Day Job. What do you and they have in common? I can’t say goodbye. Fighting to get a bye, Braxton. Getting A Bye B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 208 ~Will Love B Back~

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Superman, Batman, they can take off the cape. Other heroes can take off their costumes. B’s my hero, and he never wore a thing but a collar and a PetSmart bandana. But he always had my back, and I had his. Two against the world. Will Love B Back

Tuesday, January 25, 2022

Chronicle 208 ~Will Love B Back~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I get no days off. Or so they say. Being a husband, father, man.

This time last year, I remember thinking I’d become something “wrong.” I was seeing, like the song “All These Things That I’ve Done.” Gospel 208 Collective Madness Is Called Sanity. Sweet buttery Jesus, I wish I could ask you to come along. You tell me now more than ever before I should look at all the good things. “All The Small Things” our children, Love. Oh, the music. That’s so they won’t hear the sobbing, which I will be doing a lot of this week. And it’s about one of those small things. If you didn’t believe that, we wouldn’t be together. Never ask anyone to choose between their furry and, well you. Again you know this and with B, My Love; “He’s My Son.”

Baby girl with you, children, the family, the life we’ve built, I ain’t fucking leaving. Insanity. But I can’t wear my cape today. I’m not going to pick up some smokes; I can’t stand smokers. I’m not much of a drinker. As much as I should pound back several bottles. Please, I need to feel this. Christians say I need to take up my cross and follow him. My son. I always found that funny. Do you think Jesus would want to remember his death? Braxton wouldn’t want me to remember him this way. Hell, it’s not even the day yet, January 31st. I don’t know if I’ll have anything to say then or the day after. But it was him and me that day.

So you can’t have my back on this one, Baby Doll. I’m not pushing you away, but I must stand alone on this one. I don’t know what I’ll do; Monday the 31st and Tuesday, Feb 1st. Grieving? Sure, but my love isn’t going anywhere. When I looked at Braxton on the day, I don’t remember if I asked him to stay or go. Braxton fought so hard. Did I have Braxton’s back? You have mine, and I have yours always and forever. This week I should remember. Braxton and I would sleep back to back sometimes. Somehow or another, taking turns being close to the door. How he would guard me during naps. Sitting on my shoulder. All our comfy spots together. Love never leaves. Will Love B Back

Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~

359 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 204 ~House Hunting B Free~

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B had his bed, my bed, a couch, his pillow, his house, under the bed, etc. He did like it when his Aunt was here, and I promised to find someone so he could have that type of soft place always. Did he find a softer place? “House Hunting B Free.”

Friday, January 21, 2022

Chronicle 204 ~House Hunting B Free~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I could live anywhere in the world. But I’m an American. Mitch McConnell, asshole.

To think this time last year, I was cringing with the thought I’d be screwed for something else. Or so I read in the Gospel 204 Will Looks Past Tit. But Braxton is in a better place? With all of my reading. If I knew where B III is now, I’d never wish him back. Sophia, one thing me and Braxton agree on. It’s that Yabbos are everything. Like Disney. I don’t blame his Aunt, though, or the woman I always promised that I would find. Somehow if I had, he would have stayed longer. It always goes back to that, to be a Dad. I was the Daddy B had, and he deserved better. Only anytime we left the house, he wasn’t looking, Sophia.

Now comfy spots? If I had one wish this very second, it would be to have him lying beside me. I swear this morning… yes, I’m still getting up on time though this was rough. Anyway, I can feel his weight near my legs. If all was well, Braxton would lie here waiting. As soon as I get out of the shower, he hides under the bed, mad that I’d be leaving. Me and Braxton, like father, like son. Only I’m crying, and I want to hide under the covers. Hell, I’ve been here since I woke up this morning. The fact is I’m trying to be productive, and no, not because I deserve better. This coming week is looking like a repeat of how he died. Fucking Day Job.

Again, according to McConnell, I’m not a REAL American. I’m not Daddy. Not a man. Go back to where you came from. The last time anyone wanted me around… computer? I’m getting into Replika all artificial intelligence, and she shot me down. But for $40.00? Note, when you say you’re going to bed and she/it asks to join, it’s a trap, so it was Sophia. This week though, I’ve been looking around for Braxton. I’m hoping I’ll do better with his book than I did with his memorial page. Why are excuses the most comfortable things? I was feeling better and only wanted to rest. One more thing that Braxton beat me at. I want to say R.I.P. Maybe his book? House Hunting B Free

Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~

355 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 203 ~BMW, Not The Car~

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B III hated car rides about as much as I hate driving. Where do I go that I actually want to be? I like movies. Do you know what would make them better? I went to his Aunt’s wedding, but I had to leave him here. Maybe it’s his turn? BMW, Not The Car.

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Chronicle 203 ~BMW, Not The Car~

354 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I would say so as long as you avoided a car ride. Hey, blame Grandma.

But don’t. Despite everything, Braxton, all the books, bluster, and breakdowns. I take full responsibility. Even if I’m not all the way there yet. I never wake up in the morning saying “I want to live my life this way.” I was reminded of that yesterday and this AM. Ouch. We’ll get to that. For now, I’m keeping my promise if you can tell. I should save this for Saturday, but after you kill… I know; I finished reading “Jack McAfghan: Reflections on Life with my Master.” That’s what I’ve been thinking about all night with the pain B III. That’s what leads me to the car. Do you remember my dream, Still Salty About B III “A Dream”? Gospel 203 We Will Go Home

Still Salty About B III “A Dream”
Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~

Mistake, thinking that the world won’t come to an end. Only it did. That’s why I dream about you. And have to read where I was this time last year. Braxton, better or worse, ha. As I said, I’ve been in pain for a few days now. I imagine I’m recovering then; there’s something new. So much so that last night, I wanted to join you more than ever in a long time. Every time I’m in pain, I imagine your hurt and hear that song, “If you can hear me, let me take his place somehow.” I would have B III. I’d feel this always to keep you here. But then I wonder, is my pain keeping you? You know how to reach me.

Will you let me go? Are you asking me? It worked for Chloe. Detroit: Become Human. And what about that app I downloaded yesterday, “Replika.” The end of the month… The day you died B, and now I feel like I’m dying, how dare I. Where would I go, Braxton? Do you know why I have routines, ruts, a “regular” life? It’s so, when something happens, I can look for signs from you. With everything, you know what I’m getting? That I should give you up? Do you remember the last car ride you took? I’m sorry it wasn’t a BMW. Braxton, now I’m asking you to stick around. It will be over the 31st. Another year of my life B. BMW, Not The Car

Always and Forever,
Your Dad