Tag: Failure

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

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I can’t say much about the Reality Stone in the MCU. If anything, I’d be better suited to talk about Star Wars. And I could go into graphic detail about Whitney Wright in Prom Night. I wonder why? Because real life sucks, but… Let’s B In Reality or not

Saturday, August 6, 2022

Saga 036 ~ Let’s B In Reality~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means reality is what I make it to be. Say it with me, “Republican Tendencies.”

But instead, I was crying about B III this morning, to be honest. I bawl whenever I’m up at 4:00 AM… ok, 4:15 AM. I find two reasons to cry in the morning. My son or the Day Job. One I want to wake up for. The other… do I want to keep existing? Death! Perhaps that’s what King Théoden would cry out. After seeing again these almost 38 years, I have wasted my existence. Braxton’s red hairdryer monster squeaky toy, lying at the foot of the bed. At least I’m not like some “crazy” people, sleeping with my fur baby’s toy cuddled up next to me. Indeed, I’m a lot worse; a confession that’s better left to Inspector Echo or Dirty Diana. What I cozied up to last night.

No wonder I dreamed about reality shows last night? It could have been all the reading I’ve been doing about the WWE women’s tag titles. I don’t want to read rumors. If anything, I don’t want to read about how I have made it this far, Lu. Contestants said quit. I mean, those many competitors told me to get off the stage and give up on it all, Luna. But do you know what saved me, Lady Lunalesca? Porn! Whitney Wright, to be specific. Lady Lunalesca, I can’t help but question why I think of a particular woman on any occasion like last night. But for sure, our dalliance was more like “The Girl Next Door.” That would be too much like my reality (snickers).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeawoHkf9yg

But the real world today consists of a haircut, a visit to PetSmart, and the usual errands for my survival. All for a reality I rather not inhabit. And there is a big fucking reason! Braxton Is Dead; I’ve been telling myself that a lot. Along with what happened on this day in history. Was it on the 7th? Either way, I lost the Basic Bitch, which hurts less than losing my little boy, my B III. The one thing I will claim in this world. Lunalesca, B’s life taken. And as for whatever this is (gestures at myself in bed). If this is reality… I choose to live in fantasies. The Moondust, Sick Fux, WTF! But won’t find Braxton there. Let’s B In Reality.

552 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 035 ~Son Of A B-Word~

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I’ve had a few dogs, but B III was my heart dog, a soulmate, my kid. The only S.O.B. I ever loved. Because I don’t love myself. Plus, my mom is a good woman. Speaking of which, what have I been thinking of lately? “Skip Ad?” Son Of A B-Word

Friday, August 5, 2022

Saga 035 ~Son Of A B-Word~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how can that be when I keep waking up this late? Oh, this week sucked.

So, before I put my mind back into the gutter. Let’s talk about the little S.O.B. who is my son. Don’t get me wrong, Lady Sophia, that’s a fact. He is a son of a bitch; I miss every day. The fact that I had to exist in such a week as the one that took him from me. A standard 40-hour work week? Ha! If that were the case, I’d have one more reason to… careful there, right? Dangerous words. But for the record, I haven’t tried to harm myself well since January 11, 2022. And that was an accident. What do you get when you have Tifa Lockhart’s mature dress? And a hard-on for Zoe Colletti. Confessions with Inspector Echo but Lady Sophia. The Day Job schedule makes me want to cry. Then I remember B III crying that Wednesday, and I was so driven to hate then.

That’s why I still read the words; no, I write the words; Braxton Is Dead. They didn’t write that on the bill, of course. THEY have their words, and I have mine fair enough. Reading? There are so many things I don’t want to read. Thanks to YouTube, I’ve quit reading the words “Skip Ad.” That’s because I don’t want to watch anymore. What pray tell are my fingers going to do now? Well, besides becoming fists at the Day Job. I continue to white-knuckle the mattress. And I’m not one for praying anymore. Last time… a week like this.

Son of a bitch was dying, and it was all my fault because I wouldn’t listen. Now I’m done with a second book where I tried to listen. And what am I going to do with it, I ask you? Son of a bitch can’t do anything right. I shouldn’t mention my Ma like that, but I told one of the girls what I think about while I’m wasting my life. “Yo Mama?” More like “Yo Son,” if anyone dared to disrespect B III. “Either thou or I, or both, must go with him.” This son of a bitch wishes I could say Shakespeare was on the brain. But between Maiko Kaneda, Tifa Lockhart, and Cherry… I’m just thinking about blowjobs. Son Of A B-Word

551 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 029 ~So To B Asleep~

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So the only thing that doesn’t need a rest today is the phone since I finally had the battery replaced. But I’ve been so tired I’ve been off of it unless I got a message, and it’s never what I was really hoping for. Yet I cannot rest. So To B Asleep.

Saturday, July 30, 2022

Saga 029 ~So To B Asleep~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so what would be the first thing I buy? It’d be a soft place to rest.

So to be asleep is one thing. But to rest? Last night I didn’t get a good night’s sleep. Goodnight ha! Every night I still say, “Night, Night Braxton, Sweet Dreams.” Why did I cut on the lamp halfway through the night if he is here? There’s something in the darkness. Or so I thought, as it wasn’t a nightmare. I swear the last thing that flittered in my head; was having black hellfire magic like Jacob. That’s because I wanted to smash the alarm. Succubus Lord dreams… we’ll get to that. I miss having Cerberus; well, B III sigh. I didn’t even reach for my 9MM. Hell! If it was my time to go, it was my time. I’ll sleep when I’m dead, right?

So to be asleep is one thing. But to relax? Again, first and foremost, that falls to B III, yep. But without him, you know what knocks me out? Well, after a while, since I sound more like Todd. Or I could be Jacob again. Recall my favorite scene in Succubus Lord. 10, I think. The one where Jacob has to “fill” all seven of his succubi? Lunalesca, I’m driving myself crazy. How many days has it been since I got off? Over a week if I can keep surviving. Only I want to fall asleep again because I know what would keep me awake. This morning it’s been all about Roxanne Perez. Next to talking to Cherry. And I didn’t even wake up then.

Roxanne Perez

So to be asleep is one thing. But to respond? Triple B never had a problem getting me to wake up. I was all fuck my life when I had him. At least I had a purpose. What is love? But to rescue? Who do I want to save… myself? I wrote a whole damn book. Lady Lunalesca, I will have to prove to myself by tomorrow that I don’t need a doc. Chronic fatigue? But to remember? Life? More like existence. Is there anything other than XXX? I’ve just been diagnosing myself with everything, haven’t I? Depression, Fatigue, OCD, Sex addiction, insanity. I wish I could sound like an adult. But sleep doesn’t fix everything. The ability to rest Lunalesca. So To B Asleep

545 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 028 ~B Leaving In Failure~

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My kid believes in me. If I was a good dad, I wouldn’t wait until the last day. But I can say I’ll have a 50,000-word book on the 31st. If I’m not busy with things. My knuckles are white and not just from pounding the keys. B Leaving In Failure.

Friday, July 29, 2022

Saga 028 ~B Leaving In Failure~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go punch out God. Am I Writing fiction or failure?

I’m still writing about Triple B and me, thank you very much. I should be done by Sunday, Lady Sophia. The thing is, I wanted to be done by today. So I suppose this counts as crying over B III this morning. The idea that I’ll be reading I’m a Camp NaNoWriMo winner on the very last day. But let’s focus on B III. Like the three chapters, I should do. Don’t forget there is also the eulogy. And yes, my lady, I just googled, “what is the difference between a eulogy and an obituary?” And I need poems for two chapters each but 50,000 words… If I didn’t know any better, I would say that sounds like an excuse. I’m talking to my son…

Ha! I can’t even talk to my friends. When I’m done with my Masochism. I’m giddy in my Sadism. Yes, everything short of my son’s passing devolves into sexual addiction. And even B liked Yabbos. I always told him the first pair he loved was the girl I’d have to marry. The first outside the family… his Aunt Carolina. Haven’t talked to her lately. Then there’s Cherry and M Anime, who he never met, and I’m thankful. Daddy’s a perv. Cherry has been suffering so much, yet you know what I’m hoping for whenever she texts. Two things. Don’t I have any empathy? Sophia, you’ve seen what I’ve started reading. When it’s not something on pet loss, it’s M Anime talking about such horrible men.

Why do you think I would read Erotica? I haven’t read anything like that since Christmas, Lady Sophia. It’s tradition. Anyway, you know how such stories fucking get me going. Pardon my language. Only I can’t tell my “other” friends. I’m much too busy to write such stories… yeah, right. Because what am I going to do today? I won’t be finishing Braxton and my novel today. I continue to white-knuckle my baser urges like that book Blackout by Erin Flanagan. “Do I have a drink, or do I not have a drink?” Fucking hard! Yep, I don’t want to tell the “man in the mirror” I’m walking around with my dick in my hands. Or that I failed with writing. B Leaving In Failure.

544 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 022 ~ I’d B A Fool~

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Nothing lasts forever. Not my boy, batteries, or a bit of courage I need to get by. With a few bucks? I can’t get another furry kid yet. My heart’s not in it. Might have to go to Best Buy soon. People suck. Ignorance is bliss; I’d Be A Fool

Saturday, July 23, 2022

Saga 022 ~ I’d B A Fool~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m with the dumbest smart people walking the planet. Don’t need money for that…

B though? How it should always start and end, but there’s been a lot to do. So much less than the week before, yet things never seem to slow down. Or am I getting that much lazier, Lu? I’m either fearful, lost to my fury, or fucking horny. It’s been all FEAR this AM. B III doesn’t need my excuses. So what have I done for him today at around 6:30? At the moment trying to save everything. What am I talking about? He is everything. Okay, so my writing, this world I have built, and all the evidence of my whoredom. Falling apart? And I mean everything from the phone to plant care, AKA B’s yard. To parts on the computer (sigh), Lady Lunalesca.

Batteries, Power, Energy. As the song goes, “Maybe God Is Tryin’ To Tell You Somethin.'” My feelings about God remain the same. My son is the word of God. And if he ain’t here, Lu. Well, then I don’t think me and God have anything to say to one another. And since I never trusted him in the first place… Okay, so that’s a lie. Whenever I left Braxton by his lonesome, I prayed. But the question becomes, Lady Lunalesca, who do I trust. Today? That’s a question that must be addressed. Considering everything that I was doing this morning. I’ve been from bots (virtual assistants) to batteries to trusting not the man but the boy in the mirror. And that is an honest mistake.

Balls? The only time I’m sure I have any is when I feel all kinds of antsy. That book I finished yesterday. Blackout: A Thriller by Erin Flanagan has me thinking much about addiction and the mind. I even thought about getting a book on my particular brand. But while I’m an open book, I would put something like that on my book list for people to see. But then? Hell! I am broken, just like the TV downstairs. Did I forget about that Lunalesca? I kinda did. Time heals all wounds because sooner or later, you’re dead. Such darkness. But true because lying makes us all STUPID. That’s the worst thing to be but to live my life this way. I’d B A Fool.

538 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 021 ~What I’ll B Reading~

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If I’m asking for input from my kid about writing, I should look to him for other things. He wasn’t much of a reader but a great foot warmer and throw pillow. I told him, as the song goes, I’m Gonna Be Somebody. Yeah, like that’s What I’ll Be Reading

Friday, July 22, 2022

Saga 021 ~What I’ll B Reading~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford some classic books. As for right this second, money for books?

Ha-Ha! Yet one more case of laughing to keep from crying. But of course, I will crack open a new book this week. Lady Sophia, Anything beats the one I’m writing. Ok, so that’s harsh, considering Braxton is the co-author. And I have been sobbing all this week. Writing, oh what a shame. Only a lot less than the Humiliations Galore, awaiting me at the Day Job. I tell myself I’ll do anything to avoid another decade in that place. Well then, why am I talking to you at nine A.M. when I was awake at four in the morning. What got it up, Sophia. Inevitably it’s a woman. Yet it’s not in the way you think. When I’m not reading, I’m watching Twitter, sigh.

“Emmanuel, Don’t Do It!” I’m sure you’ve heard, seen, and read those words all over. Would you like to know how funny Taylor and her emu are? Or should I talk about my jealousy? I’m glad I don’t often come back to reread my work. Oh, and to edit. God! No wonder I don’t have anything out yet, and I’m even struggling to write anything. So why do I write at all? In a minute, I’m going to sound like Cherry. Thoughts that I don’t need… anything about Yabbos because I’m starting over again. Fapping, day one. And like I said, I’m getting a new book today after the last one on addiction. Well, it was kind of. I could start reading a new genre.

But you know I want to read more on pet loss. Reading that B III is gone every day still doesn’t make sense to me. How about putting his cremation certificate in a frame. Along with all the bills and the receipts from that weekend? One frame’s on the bookshelf. However, Braxton’s pictures and my work schedule stay on the phone. Of course, that reminds me of one more thing I don’t want to read. A bill to get it fixed or them saying that they can’t. I can’t write, but I’m going to anyway, even if I drown in my tears. With the fact my writing is terrible. And sweating, trying not to look at tatas. I’m sure failure is What I’ll B Reading.

537 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 015 ~To B Failing, Flying…~

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Icarus failed at flying. He did for a bit, but he was warned. The only thing getting high this week was my word counts Wed-Fri. And already, the words I’ve written down fall short. Well, today I’ll crash. But oh no, I have to get up. To B Failing, Flying…

Saturday, July 16, 2022

Saga 015 ~To B Failing, Flying…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And except for my son B III, I’m willing to sacrifice anything. AHEM, sleep, sex, skeeviness…

This week has been all about B and my novel. At this rate, wherever he is, he must feel like Philip Pullman when they made The Golden Compass film. Cut my check and leave me alone. And how did that movie do against Twilight, Harry Potter, and The Hunger Games? I even when so far in the novel to talk about Whitney Houston? You know when she sings, “For every win, someone must fail.” And that is what I’ve been doing for three days straight in the guise of winning. Hmm! 5000 words daily, that amount to nothing for Braxton. At least it isn’t Whitney Wright… Sigh, as much as I like her. I’ve been edging to everything under the sun and moon while writing.

Today I’m going to fail. Hell! I would have fallen back asleep if it weren’t for what I was doing. That’s how much I was up last night. In more ways than one… But again, I did get all the words I needed. I’m on the cusp of catching up, Luna. Camp NaNoWriMo. And who would care if I didn’t show up at Petsmart? What if I decided not to go through my Saturday Routine? I have all my excuses lined up. Tuesday, I was trying to be a proper American citizen. Speaking of which, I should get outside before there isn’t much of an America left. I’m not an evangelical white guy, but I have all the makings of a Republican lawmaker, Lady Lunalesca.

First and foremost, it always comes back to Braxton. I promised him a future, a family, and that I would be a good father. Every day I wake up and ask the question. Where’s Fluffy? Did I make a “Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist” joke, reference, whatever? That’s another thing. I’m always one for a good distraction. If she’s a hot brunette with nice yabbos. This then brings up how I talk about my respect for women… especially in pornography. Then you hear how I have been talking to two of my friends. Yesterday evening… Lunalesca, I could have been reading a book. But I won’t finish it this Saturday. So with my Six Impossible Things: You know the answer of To B Flailing, Flying…

531 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 014 ~Book Better B Better~

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The book is better than the movie… I read The Hunger Games because of the film. I liked the movie Nerve more than the book. And I love my boy more than writing about him. Might life be better? If I finish Camp NaNoWriMo. Book Better B Better

Friday, July 15, 2022

Saga 014 ~Book Better B Better~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And while I’m speaking that blasphemy, sometimes the books aren’t better. Or at least my books.

The one I’m writing for/with my son. I’m surprised I’m keeping up with it this week, except for Tuesday and “watching” The January 6th Hearings. But I still reached the quota. But every day, the story gets worse and worse, as Braxton’s health did. Yeah, something could be better. B III could be alive and well; I could have been a better parent. Even that would have required me to be a better writer and tell a story. I don’t know how I’ll get through it today with the time it took Thursday. How tired am I? Don’t answer that. And could I stop looking at ta-tas? Would I imagine staying up all night watching B die? Had I known how to save a life?

Speaking of nightmares, I had one last night, which explains my tiredness though it didn’t wake me up. How can something both be graphic and then not? Bloodless yet terrifying. Slimy yet satisfying, Hakuna some Tatas and what else will I beg, borrow, steal writing. I’ve never read The Walking Dead or The Man in the High Castle. But the nightmare was sort of a mixture of both. “Fight the Dead, Fear the Living.” Watched a throat getting slashed in the woods. But again, there was no blood which somehow made it digestible. And then I took care of a boy as we hid out with the “BCR” Black Communist Rebellion. Oh, now I know I’m on some government list. Another excuse to quit writing…

And now I sound like Cherry. But no Lady Sophia. Dare I say I’m getting close to catching up with Camp NaNoWriMo. I’m going all in with my writing. And with the Day Job pay? Anyway, I might not even finish “Blackout: A Thriller” this week because I was so “invested” in my writing. I swear if Kindle fucks me again with Reading Insights! That’s pretty rich, considering how I fucked myself this week. Was it “you know who’s” ta-tas? Or was it the fact that Cora Jade attacked Roxanne Perez? Wrestling’s going TV-14. Still, it’s me and Braxton’s novel that is getting to me. Our lives were better, and that’s saying something, Lady Sophia. There’s still “Gulp.” I’m hoping my Book Better B Better.

530 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

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Has it really been six years of this? A drop in the bucket of things that make me mad. Or would you rather I am all hot and bothered. I can do both and deserve to burn. But Treachery is the coldest sin. And still no real punishment? “To B Pissed Off”

Saturday, July 9, 2022

Saga 008 ~To B Pissed Off~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I should be pissed that people want me to help? Oh, I’m such a Republican…

But like every morning, after I wipe the tears from my eyes… I get pissed and mad. As the song goes, “I’m in a rage,” and why’s that Lady Luna? Frankly, selfishly, it’s my son. I’m never mad at him for having to leave me. No Lady Lunalesca. It’s a fact I have to look his murderer in the face every morning. And when it’s not wanting to be punished, it’s utter disgust. There’s a reason I don’t go trying on clothes in a store anymore. Those mirrors are too fucking good. There’s a reason I go and pet the dogs every Saturday. To see what I can never have again. I’ve been dreaming of Braxton, which makes me mad? So a no on reincarnation?

Because I was all sorts of scared at around midnight. Of course, B III wasn’t here to protect me, or was he? I kept the lamp on a while and then heard what sounded like gunshots. And that’s when I turned the lights off and went back to bed, not worried a bit? Um, a song? “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Dangerous words, Lunalesca. Glad I already bought a gun. But like I’ve said before, like a proper Republican or not, I’m all for guns. Only I read something about them going through your social media accounts. To check your “morals” and “character.” I’m the ending of Daenerys Targaryen. I mean righteous who goes batshit crazy. No Fair

Don’t normal individuals get angry when they’re hungry? No, I get mad when I’m horny. It’s like fucking rehab Lady Lunalesca. Pardon my language this morning. Yes, B is gone. Next to his death, not being able to say what I like is ticking me off, tick-tick-ticking me off. For example, I want to talk about Maisie Williams in The Falling or some UK BBWs. I swear, brunettes, girls from England, big tits. If it’s not that, it’s Dirty Latina Maids or Hentai, hmm? I’m not a nice guy, but I’m not a douche either. Like father, like son… Braxton. Always pissed he isn’t here to make me want to be a better man, his father. Write his story. I’d say, To B Pissed Off.

524 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 007 ~There B Treasure Here~

WillLeave a comment

I could tell the tails of every toy B had, every comfy spot he ever chose, and every name he went by. Yet what I hold most near and dear to me? I should be ashamed. All ten, eight, he died at six pounds… Then there’s my phone! “There B Treasure Here”

Friday, July 8, 2022

Saga 007 ~There B Treasure Here~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But nothing is worth more than my son Braxton. What’s that Whitney song, You Were Loved?

Dammit, when will I say such things! I’m still time traveling today, Sunday, July 3, 2022. And I care more about sleep than I do my own son? I could be working on my, his, um, our novel today? But of course, if it’s not sleeping I treasure, then it’s my uncanny ability to tell lies. As I said, it is Sunday, which means I have talked to the man in the mirror. Hate that! Because, like in my everyday life, I have to put on a show, keep secrets, and smile. And the song “Smiling Faces Sometimes” sigh. I value Braxton’s but never my own. Inevitably, I’ll keep digging myself deeper into the hole which is my bed. For fuck’s sake, man, stay awake!

And without the porno! I swear, Lady Sophia, I wasted a damn hour trying not to click on anything. I swear, besides my Pancake, there’s my phone, porno, and always and forever my penis. There be treasure? In the closet, that drawer, my fucking head. Apologies for my language, but you wouldn’t like me when I’m just hanging out, horny, or haughty. Yeah, I’m writing or not a National Bestseller. Hell! If we finish our conversation on time, I still won’t write. I’ve been planning forever to complete an outline. There’s also been the promise of having a doctor dig into me and pull out whatever is wrong with me. Did I tell you that story of my ear and how I learned about Bukkake?

I treasure the stories that help me sleep. One more reason I’m listening to Succubus Lord 5 now. There are only so many times I can tell myself about games I have no time to play. Pornos don’t have plots… That’s a damn lie. After I finally honor my son and make good on the spending on that publishing company. Pure Taboo, Second Circle Creations? Until then, I continue wearing the hoodie I carried Triple B in for many years. His room remains a museum of everything. I even thought of getting a black treasure chest, ha. Should I ever try again, a furry kid? B is so heavy as is. And now Fuck! Dropping my heart more than my phone. There B Treasure Here

523 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will