Tag: Lesson

Lesson 298 ~Time Enough At Last~

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Why stand there taking up space; I get road rage just standing in line and perhaps one of my fears is that everyone feels, the same way and I don’t want anyone feeling that way. “Time Enough At Last,” to relax maybe

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Lesson 298 ~Time Enough At Last~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today though I wish I could remember a time that I was, a time I could stop and smell the roses, sometime when I didn’t feel I was running for my life, trying to catch up or rushing things because there is so little time left. How often have I said, the world will end in five minutes, and I have to make it until then, again and again, it becomes incredibly exhausting.

For instance, people falling in love at first sight, it works for dogs, I loved my dog since the moment his paws hit the ground, and I immediately wanted to protect him from the world, can’t say they about any girl and nor should you. Don’t get me wrong Inspector Echo I’m not that much of an idiot… any more and that’s quite a long story but no time. I have too much to apologize for today, I’m not taking the time to live or even wanting to, I want to survive, and I especially don’t have time to figure out how I’ll get that done in the long run.

“I just want to wake up with more time on my hand than hours in the day.” In Time (2011)

Everyday Inspector Echo I feel like I’m getting in the way and I don’t even have time to say I’m sorry, did you ever wonder why I never go anywhere taking the highway, how I have to fly to visit a friend rather than drive because I’d get lost forever. I’m the guy that practices what to say before he goes through the drive-thru, who can’t do anything but stand in line honestly, and then I’m lazy as hell when it comes to sleep. Now I’m not in love with any girl, but I don’t lie, I speak in a certain way, I rush because most guys that can get girls don’t have to talk and I’m a regular Howard Wolowitz, I say whatever stupidly.

And I also apologize for wasting my time apologizing on top of dreaming up revenge or wallowing in misery, I’m sorry every day must fill up with something, and then I can do nothing but waste it, even today, how far have I got in editing my book? To think I hope they never build a time machine or if they do, that the “The Langoliers,” won’t be far behind; why do I need to go back, this sounds familiar.

Doesn’t make me any less sorry though and maybe with enough money, power, or maybe love there will be one day, Time Enough At Last.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 297 ~I’m A Wanted Man~

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Do I love too much for having no one to “love,” well anyone with two legs that is; of course I love my dog like pancakes because he wanted my waffles but that’s a long story. I’m A Wanted Man but for all the wrong reasons that I know sadly.

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Lesson 297 ~I’m A Wanted Man~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today or more like I didn’t receive a fine today, thankfully I don’t need bail, and yet here I stand wanted, needed, and loved, the only “Wanted” poster I see is the man staring back at me in the mirror. A man captured by his love and I’m guilty as charged, never let me go, throw away the key, though you won’t hear me calling you the ball and chain, as the song goes “What’s My Age Again?”

I’m not one to compare you to a summer’s day either though I’m sure you’ve heard enough of my romantic quips and my smartphone is a constant source of inspiration such as “I Want You To Want Me.” I want to know a want like putting the phone on shuffle and waiting for that all too perfect song to pop up on Spotify, and you can’t help but dance and sing. You know maybe how I am on a Sunday when I’m watching The Walking Dead/Fear The Walking Dead, “Into The Badlands,” and “Westworld” all rolled into one. An addiction like looking up something on YouTube and getting trapped in a stream of dog videos and reactions to shows, talk about “Let’s Get Lost” and we will be but speaking of wants for some reason I want regular TV too, does that make me weird.

Just like I want to be the last thing on your mind when you go to bed, I want to be like a story you tell yourself to help you sleep, as I would once replay Far Cry 5 or Saints Row in my head I want to be your “Escape.” Hell, I want you to be my Anastasia Steele… what too soon, I mean my Anastasia meets Abraham Ford, let’s make some pancakes one day. I want those pancakes to wake me up in the morning and what is it I always say, I love my dog like pancakes, my first born and all.

“When you were, uh, pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?” Abraham Ford

I promise no jokes about women wanting everything and don’t they say “All You Need Is Love” thing is that isn’t a choice, and while I want that too, every day I want to choose us. If this heart has its say I will because I want you, need you, believe, have hope, and many things in-between like the air.

Do I want too much, if wanting such love is a crime then guess what love? I’m A Wanted Man.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 296 ~Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat~

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Heaven, Elysium, Home, just give me a room with wi-fi, sunlight, and a place for my dog and I think I’ll be comfortable right here but what was it that Luther Vandross said about a house; one day I’m going to be an old man. Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat

Monday, April 23, 2018

Lesson 296 ~Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat~

Twenty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today because this isn’t Heaven, I wouldn’t even call it home, it’s comfort, security, privacy, the place my family sent me because any mental institution by any name is still just that. Excuse me though for the craziness I’ve been staring at blank white pages for days on end when I think of Heaven though, honestly other than my women Heaven to me would be more like the set of some seedy porno I must admit.

“If a man expects a woman to be an angel, he must create Heaven for her, angels don’t live in Hell” ― an unknown source

I first read this from some meme, and since I am somewhat of a traditionalist, I think this rings slightly right, a man is supposed to have a place, something about a man has a house and a woman makes it a home. Another way to see it is the things men do to reach women, that’s just what it is from the first girl waiting in the tallest tower, to the man who said, “you are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky,” from every song about angels. Anytime I’ve called a girl “angel” let’s say that I had quite high aspirations; the point is that men have always been expected to climb, to rise, to be the best and women… it’s so confusing on the one hand we place them on pedestals, make them the end all be all and then have to climb higher, I’m just saying.

“And hey, I love women. They’re beautiful, majestic, mysterious, mesmerizing creatures. Smart, empathetic, far superior to men in every way. And if I had a choice, I would be with women to my dying day.” ― Friends With Benefits (2011)

Now I also look at this rule regarding death… bring on the depression, but you don’t want to outlive those you love, it’s why children/furbabies passing is such a loss, I’m not a man of faith, but you go to prepare a place for them, not to watch them pass you. Remember last week’s rule; you let your enemies beat you to Hell, you outrun your loved ones to Heaven, that’s just how it goes. So I got a house, perfect if there was a family, three bedrooms, two and a half baths, two cars and no woman and maybe that tells me that Hell doesn’t lie without but more within oneself, don’t you think?

“So, uh, where you headed?

Heaven, baby.
Do you wanna go?

Maybe.” Never Die Alone

That’s just like me though; I have my shining armor always, ask my maid, I clean the castle before she shows up to do that, another girl can tell you, I’ll go and buy food, only to have pasta on the stove too. Aren’t I the Devil looking to get back into Heaven and maybe one day I will know peace but for now who’s early and who’s late *sigh* Heavenly Trip, Save A Seat.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 295 ~Happily Editing After Right~

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Whatever will I do with myself tomorrow… editing sounds so much harder than writing, but now it’s time to start living again maybe; didn’t take me the whole month to finish but decisions, decisions. Happily Editing Ever After

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Lesson 295 ~Happily Editing After Right~

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today though you might have been once upon a time as they say and this just isn’t a story thing it’s life; you feel like it maybe you’re in a state of Mania if you’re honest. You go from the excitement of being so close to the end of the novel, a little over a thousand words left to go and then a depression over is this honestly how April is passing? How about the fact that your hours at work are down so dramatically but at the same time, there is more time to write, to edit; and how many novels have you gone through, I’m just saying.

What about outside of writing, so many things are coming up “Fear The Walking Dead,” “Into The Badlands,” and “Westworld” I guess you won’t be watching much YouTube for a while except to catch some reactions am I right? I’d say you deserve some time off and think about it if all goes well in May, you could be holding your book, not the novel because that’s not happening but poetry without that dreaded fifty-thousand-word cap? The world will start turning again soon enough, and then you can begin work on these six impossible things right because let’s see hmm:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 36 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 43 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Partial Completion (Yard’s A Mess, Nails Trimmed But Paw Got Caught In His Collar)
3. I Will Find Out What My Book Is About
Completed
4. I Will Complete 50% of VLAD
Failed
5. I Will Post A Review
Failed
6. I Will Write My Book
Completed (Just Over A Thousand Words The End)

At the moment though you’re hurting, woke up late today trying to work out an ending, the dog wants all the attention you can give him, getting his paw stuck again doesn’t count, it’s time for a new groomer because PetSmart sucks. Today is dull because anything left of creativity has been thrown into your story and even now, getting back to the grindstone sounds exhausting. You’re going to make it though because that is what you do and it’s not even three thousand words today just a thousand one hundred, not a challenge but then again six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 43 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves (Cut The Yard? Find A Pet Groomer)
3. I Will Not Trash My New Novel
4. I Will Complete 50% of VLAD
5. I Will Post A Review
6. I Will Finish My Book

You honestly need to break the habit of writing out the problem (Novel) and not to seek out the answer (Editing) nobody knows your work nowhere near as you. The day job wants to keep you a “slave to the rhythm,” but this isn’t loving, not sure what it is exactly. All you know is once upon a time there was something else, and it might have been better than this feeling but to find it again you have to discover, Happily Editing After Right?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 294 ~The Ease of Jealousy~

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So today wasn’t my day and tomorrow I might finally finish another novel; fifty-thousand words, while somebody else will write one sentence and the world will be all a “Twitter” won’t they, am I jealous? The Ease of Jealousy.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Lesson 294 ~The Ease of Jealousy~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today, because I apparently overestimated people’s stupidity or maybe I underestimated the power of my laziness but I’m still working today even though I slacked off a bit yesterday a lot… the dog groomers, the bank, shopping, excuses. How often do I rely on people being terrible at their jobs just to make myself feel better, not that I could do such things, but I have a higher calling; these people sustain life but don’t writers and the other artists make it worth something, a reason Lady Lu.

“And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.” ― Dead Poets Society

Now it’s one thing to see all these authors, talented, tremendous, gifted, but what are the odds that I’ll meet Skye Warren, that one of my books will have me dancing with Jennifer Lawrence at some soiree, or I’ll end up on the big screen, well porn has awards. It’s when I see people I know; you remember the bitch that got me back into writing because I was so ashamed of myself “Look Who Grossed Up” and that was Two Hundred And Ninety-Four posts ago. I suppose she’s still writing, was even getting contacted by publishers and such and here I am, I’ve been writing most of my life, and okay I’m jealous, secure enough to admit that right?

“Males shouldn’t be jealous that’s a female trait” ― Jay-Z

Anyway, so last night this extreme Christian girl I once worked with has started her blog. I peeked at it, and again those feelings of shame and regret crept up, and I probably won’t often visit just because as the song goes “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.” Isn’t that easy, be respectful to women, but I’ll be jealous too, of her following, of all the likes and fans perhaps? All she will have to do is be herself *sigh*. Now I could argue the other way about being “green” it’s not easy making money, not if you’re me, it’s easy being “a sick pig” or skeeve as you know who called me; if she knew.

One mean word spawned thousands if not millions that were better left going unwritten though, someone told me recently she discovered my work, and it is nice to have a fan, you don’t know how much. It’s not easy getting up and exposing all my secrets, some I suppose, it’s not easy looking at my work and not blaming alcohol or drugs, yeah I’m bad at my craft, and that Lady Lu is what brings *sigh* The Ease of Jealousy.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

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If God and whoever else wrote all they needed and said it why are they still talking our ears off; I’ve nearly finished fifty thousand words, and I know the ending is going to rush; what about a sequel… hah? Words Without End Amen

Friday, April 20, 2018

Lesson 293 ~Words Without End Amen~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today but could I be let’s say three days from now, no promises but less than ten thousand words to go; I’m making better time that I did on November’s NaNoWriMo. On the one hand, I can’t wait to finish with all of this, and on the other, I suppose I need a new depression on how I’m wasting my life these days and probably killing off some fictional characters to be sure.

That’s how I was in November; I finished my novel that to this day doesn’t have a proper title, and then there was just blah, no relief though I slept more, no celebration, and I even had to buy my victory shirt. These books aren’t supposed to be about paychecks and just like when I was in math class writing problem after problem, I “Don’t Panic” when these novels don’t hold the answers I seek. In fact, strangely my erotica has kept me out of trouble, keeping my computer on my lap and my hands out of my pants, just one more reason I’m going to miss novel writing truthfully.

Of course, I don’t have to stop, I’ve been thinking about starting off with a book of poetry, getting something published which leads me back to the math of it all, either the expense of all, the waiting, how about my laziness after such an undertaking as that? It could be the idea that I like to think that I have some wisp of a chance, hope can be as infectious as any other word that I write and like love is one I don’t understand. The only thing I’m sure of is that when it comes to talking or writing I’d preferably write, it’s just like talking to myself except my “father” won’t walk in at the wrong time.

Now I also sometimes mistakenly believe that I have so much to say and then I end up struggling, and it’s never for the right word, I will take anything, but no matter how stupid the world gets, my words will neither be accepted nor understood. No, I might be giving myself way too much credit as though I am some would-be mastermind and Indiana Gone makes it sound like everything will be okay “When I Paint My Masterpiece”… write.

If there was any god to pray to at this moment, I only want more words fifty thousand and beyond, yes Words Without End Amen.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 292 ~Marquis De Sade, Works~

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I wonder how long the works of Marquis de Sade were, and he wrote plenty more books than me along with them knowing publication regardless of content, I could work such infamy or just a good girl that wants to be naughty. Marquis De Sade, Works.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Lesson 292 ~Marquis De Sade, Works~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today but never have I been as far gone as let’s say maybe Marquis de Sade, though you know I have taken on the name Marquis de Joker in some regions of my life. How often I find myself merging my ideas between you and the others but yes I have been writing out my fantasies in my novel “Temptations End” so yeah it’s probably good that it will never see the light of day I think.

I wish it were something like “120 Days of Sodom” but no my book is horrible in a different kind of way; as Marquis de Sade truly harnessed his gift, my work is more like a horny fanboy making his first porn. Now it is a fantasy to be one of those authors that can get ladies to spread their legs and struggle with holding their books as they finger themselves or play with their toys. Yeah, I’m no writer, and I’m no Fabio either as I put myself in all of my stories and I don’t only mean blood, sweat, and tears or even cum; I suppose I want to live what I imagine.

Only back to reality and I’m sure I’ve said this before, I want to spend my days writing and having some girl suck me off when I get plenty excited but speaking of which, what doesn’t excite me these days. Violence, death, and as always, sexy brunettes so yeah I’m going to miss The Walking Dead, already been working on my Pinterest boards of some of the ladies. Hell, my latest book is about a man that can have any woman he wants in the span of an apocalypse; did I only say my most recent book, third and not a dollar or a woman to be seen for it?

I’m sure Marquis de Sade wasn’t writing for a paycheck, he was revealing things about himself and his views on humanity which then begs the question since I’m not getting read period and I swore off “Fapping” at the moment, why do I continue? Maybe our next conversation should be about teasing or perhaps orgasm denial, more stuff to read up on I suppose right?

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing but instead living but that requires money and what am I doing for that, my day job what a joke even Marquis De Sade, Works.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 291 ~It’s A Hairy Situation~

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Dogs are man’s best friend, and you don’t keep your friends in cages do you, or bubble wrap, and there is a leash law but tell that to everyone else and bugs will be bugs sadly. It’s A Hairy Situation

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Lesson 291 ~It’s A Hairy Situation~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, and I am still worried about my kid; I had a bit of a revelation this morning about fear as he and I went for our walk. How often do I talk about fear and courage is merely facing fear and doing what you want or must, hell just being able to live my life and his.

Anyway, as we both know fear haunts me and when you’re a father; no I can never be ashamed of the fact that I think of him as my son; how many fears have I faced because of that fact? No today’s sin is no matter what; I can’t protect him from everything, isn’t that my job, what parent admits such a thing or outright fails at it when they are needed most? I thought I saw a tick burrowing into his fur and you know how he is when it comes to bugs, his nails, and other small emergencies and if I can’t handle such things what about the big ones that will happen?

It’s not just my failures as a dad though, he frightens me Inspector Echo, this little six to eight pounds of fluff can scare me and not just because of his health, no he is just like me, angry, terrified, not knowing what’s best for him. Why do you think he takes baths at the groomers, nails clipped there too, the vet on speed dial every time he gets a tick because I am incapable? Don’t I sound like some worthless Republican afraid of the children only in this case, he’s mine and as much as I want to blame his “grandfather” or any number of bad experiences, his fears and mine, fall to me.

“You failed. You failed as a leader and most of all Rick, you failed as a father. Just… give up.” The Lost and the Plunderers

He’s bitten me before when I needed to stop him from terrorizing the neighborhood; on multiple occasions in fact for any number of things, a bit ironic that I can’t prevent things from biting him because he’ll chew me. So we endure, have and will because love perhaps is the highest sin of all, and now is not the time for a God kick thankfully.

I only ask your forgiveness for realizing that some fears, a father’s love will always remain, the fact that I can protect him from other dogs but he won’t let me help with the little things; how I should be a better man but I know It’s A Hairy Situation.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 290 ~My Title Changed Hands~

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What’s in a name Juliet once asked, well first you have to decide on one and terms of endearment run quite rampant and ooh baby, baby, while a classic can get a little old though I tend to put a spin on it. My Title Changed Hands.

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Lesson 290 ~My Title Changed Hands~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today, what’s wrong… how long have we been together and I still feel like a new man, like James Bond with my Bond girl, the Pumpkin with his Honey Bunny, and at least half a dozen YA Novels that we could be. Nobody that comes into this world chooses their name, which is why all our friends are probably going to be the same as us, naming their kids after their fandoms maybe.

Then there’s you, my wife, my Mrs., my best friend and to think there was a time I was too afraid to ask your name, I’m no good with names, really I didn’t know my grandmother’s name was Marie forever. It still freaks me out some to hear the cries of “Daddy, Daddy” all over the house and I doubt the dog thinks of me as “Dearest Human, Dad” well of course he does, my first kid and all. Now here I am again a new man and when I wake up in the morning, what is it, “Good Morning” sweetheart, honey, love, babe, if it comes from your lips I know I can be whoever I need to be.

Call me a traditionalist or just one for the classics, seeing how my last name fits next to yours or hell we could make a name all our own because I’m sure my family’s first words will be who’s that girl, shortened to that girl, or girl. To me, you’ll be “Baby Girl,” babydoll, angel, my queen, for a guy that has owned several thesauruses, beautiful is going to be my go-to for quite awhile. You think I’m one for music, oh there are so many movies if I happen to say “Ditto” or “I Know” after you tell me you love me and you get the reference… well, love grows all the more right?

Will there ever be a time I don’t love your name, depends on who I’m mad at maybe but what’s in a name, I’m just Will, and you’ll be who you are and have always been to me, and that’s the woman I love. I think one day I’ll even learn to love my name as much as I love yours, “This is my wife…” and I’ll be that guy with the gorgeous wife no one can ever forget ever.

My parents and the world have had their fun; I want to be someone else, I want to be yours, so My Title Changed Hands.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 289 ~Going To Hell, Them First~

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I’ve never pictured myself making it to Heaven and anybody that ticks me off certainly ain’t that righteous because if you get your rocks off torturing someone like me… anyway another story. Going To Hell, Them First as it should be ha

Monday, April 16, 2018

Lesson 289 ~Going To Hell, Them First~

Twenty-Eighth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, it’s this hate, you know me Madam Justice, I don’t want to hurt anybody when I walk out the door, noted I’m always ready for a war with a few choice individuals but live and let live. So I go to the movies last night, just trying to order some snacks and these four women start pointing and laughing at me like I’m some big joke, nobody else just them.

That’s the problem, like with any disease you don’t want to do damage to what’s right and healthy but the virus, the bad only wishes to infect every single part of what is the best of us. I’m not Cancer Madam Justice, I know what you’re thinking, even though if I were one for reincarnation I would like to be a virus, a zombie sickness if I may be ever so specific. If anything I’m wounded and all I want to do is heal, but people like my boss, like those stupid women, that janitor, that bitch poke me, they won’t stop, they want to know. If you keep poking at a wound what happens, as Morgan would put it, “you know what it is” you know I’m sure right?

Still, I don’t die though everyone does, only you outlive your enemies, not friends… that is honestly going in my rules, but the thing is for a guy like me, hate cannot know such distance, not if I am going to be a part of this world. I hate my father and how many years has it been, I hate that girl, and it’s day two-hundred and eighty freaking nine and who knows if she’s given me a second thought. Again I don’t want to hurt anybody, so I suffer, and they live, but one of the reasons I continued to live and write is because one day I have faith I won’t be the only one here; I shouldn’t be the first at all.

If you told me I could let go of my hate and go to Heaven I could and in less than twenty-four hours it would find me again because that’s what people do, we hate, we instill hate. Another one of my rules states “Hate Will Keep You Alive,” and I don’t want to die. So I don’t suppose that I will see Hell for a long time, I’ve learned Going To Hell, Them First.

I Will Have No Fear