Tag: Living

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

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Do whatever you have to and I know I’m nowhere near polite with my writing but it is my passion, it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons, most I’m still attempting to WRITE out. “Passion The Will To Win”

Monday, July 09, 2018

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

Fortieth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, I’m still at the library writing and talking to you when usually I would be at the house asleep by now, of course, this hasn’t been the perfect day, anywhere near but I’m up. Not in that way, not anymore besides what happened at the house and then going to work, speaking of work there is no passion there only the need I suppose to survive one more day.

No Madam Justice writing is my passion, and my name is Will, now if I stopped thinking with my willy and get some work done which is one more reason I’ve switched locations because I keep my hands on my keyboard. The question is will I win and I have to believe that I will, the first sign of passion is that you are willing to do whatever you “love” for free and not to toot my own horn only the words have flown for how long? Now if I could take this philosophy to every other aspect of my life, you know like have a passion for standing up for myself, perhaps to get the girl and one more?

How about the passion that I carry for all of my fandoms, I’m pretty damn loyal to “The Walking Dead,” “Detroit: Become Human,” “Into The Badlands” and plenty of other things. Of course, you’ll bring up women; I remember years ago I wasn’t passionate enough about my damn name, but when that rage bubbled up, I wrote a pretty long rant about my job, and things changed. I would say I won but what happened today… brunettes are but one more clue that life, in general, doesn’t give me anything but the passion for being somebody, for being better that is what gives me the drive I need to do something in my life honestly.

I’ll have plenty of time to write about it today, that’s right I should be well on my way because while I may have already screwed up my six impossible things, winning five of them is something, but I need to win them all, All I Do Is Win. That’s passion, for being the best at everything that I want to do because the life I’m living now… most days I wonder why I’m getting up truthfully, From Now On, Passion The Will To Win.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 343 ~Live Every Day Like~

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How can I live without you, before anyone gets vain I am talking about you Lady Luna, I did get a lot more sleep, some would have called it depression, better out that in which is why I’ll tell you all about it, every day. “Live Every Day Like?”

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Lesson 343 ~Live Every Day Like~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, like the day I first created you or the day I brought you back to life… desperation and that is something I need to get over and fast because these past few days it’s been like I’m begging to live. In a way what wouldn’t I give to feel that way again, like the day I told “Okay” about, my senior year, homecoming pep rally, that was a day of freedom, a day I didn’t have to live, but there was life.

I read something the other day that said, live every day like it’s your first and there are several ways one can interpret that, for example, it’s a day where everything is new and yet there is no fear. As with my rules, it’s a day that you learn something new, and honestly, I do Lady Luna, for everything that school taught me my greatest lesson was on how to be afraid. How about the fact that I think everyone knows me but they don’t I can be whoever I want to be, my identity has yet to know formation, (oh and Beyonce sucks) and I don’t have to remind myself of all the shit.

On the other side of the coin, live every day like it’s your last, again something I spoke to “Okay” about, what if I knew the day I would die, hell don’t I live thinking the end of the world is coming or like any kid in a rush to get his homework done? I know how she sees me and that says I should live as though I will never see her again, a man has to know when to walk away, and there is so much I have left to do, like every day I’m writing. Maybe I should live like I don’t need to write but want to write and I am back at the table, I did work on my poetry, but it’s more to the fact I’m trying to stay alive instead of living life.

As with most Americans, I live for my payday, and you know how the day job is, I live for the day it’s my writing that provides and do I truly believe that will ever come to pass at this rate? I live for the day I can finally get “Detroit: Become Human” and a “PlayStation 4” did you think I had forgotten Lady Luna, though today I would like to live as though I have forgotten, live unafraid, but no Live Every Day Like

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 336 ~Today’s Word Is ‘ Discombobulated’~

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Is there a more confusing word than love, trust me other than taking care of the dog I have only known confusion, beginning and endings, and a desire to play one video game if you’re keeping track. Today’s word Is Discombobulated.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Lesson 336 ~Today’s Word Is ‘ Discombobulated’~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, hell that’s all you’ve been doing, you and your friends, since I got back into writing, maybe I should ask can I love you again and even now that word escapes me. Less than a month to see and I ask myself have I found any new loves, do I feel any better? I know I’ve had some good days, but I still feel so out of it lately, and of course, I should, work nearly killed me or dare I say, people, real and fiction.

Being torn apart by two worlds, what other word is there but Discombobulated, disconnected, unbalanced, thrown into confusion, perhaps fear gets a bad rap because I can always point out what makes me afraid. Nowadays when I’m not wasting time, I’m like MacGregor on the Colony, creating conspiracy after conspiracy some right on the money, others downright idiotic. Maybe I am going crazy or crazier, still making moves on one woman, while getting made fun of by some girl, and even thinking I’m living with a poltergeist, with a taste for Mr. Goodbars and Pop Tarts, amongst other things honestly.

I can’t get “Detroit: Become Human” off of the brain, I know I’ve probably failed most of my six impossible things, and at this rate, I won’t be getting paid the week after next, my damn day job. It could all be stress, and the method I usually employ to alleviate that stress is off-limits and would leave me depressed anyway, another two words, being pent up wanting to do something and then again wanting to climb into my bed, Bipolar. A part of me wants to dive into “The Art Of Peace,” but I have more stuff to read that isn’t helping the whole hiatus I have going on, but sex is everywhere Luna.

Even your name I think I should change to “Chloe”… Detroit: Become Human but then what happens when the next craze comes into play and you know there is always something else on the horizon, I can barely keep up. One of the reasons I like the rain except driving in it, the rain makes everything slow down, tears, hot showers, stopping pretty girls from leaving, you catch my meaning.

I’m more of a fire person, or I like to think so and didn’t I say I miss the anger, I miss the sex, and I miss being able to keep the house at a reasonable temperature. Machines, my mind, *sigh* “Today’s Word Is ‘Discombobulated.’”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

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Nothing brings humanity together like destruction and doing it alone is almost a criminal act but why not keep it all to myself; well, I have a blog and no published works, I’m sure people will find something else. Let’s See What Sticks now

Saturday, May 26, 2018

Lesson 329 ~Let’s See What Sticks~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, even with as dirty as that sounds or maybe that’s just me and my filthy mind? You know everything continues to pile up, albeit in smaller amounts but still. It sticks with you like my feet to the ground; how long does it take to learn how to walk and here I have to remind myself always to pick up my feet, to lift up my head, shoulders back. My “father” says I look weird; he would prefer I keep my eyes on the ground, a reminder.

I’ve talked often enough about how I’m not growing any taller because I can’t afford it, and how I feel so heavy because of everything that I’m keeping inside, like a reverse Pandora’s Box because Hope fled some time ago. It’s like “Pour Some Sugar on Me” already, maybe I’m not procrastinating but I need to find some joy in my life and even when I’m not watching the world go to Hell, what about all these created worlds. Watching “Detroit: Become Human,” reading “Whispers In The Dark” by LeTeisha Newton or even reading my works is doing nothing to make me feel better but these are things that stick.

Did I ever mention how much I hate glitter, and that sticks to everything, I wonder can fire burn that away; maybe that’s it Lady Luna, that I miss the anger, but it’s always there against myself, even at this moment. Everything I’m doing to stay awake, and when I do, I can’t stick to my task because when I think about what I want to do, you know honestly the world doesn’t need that from me or anyone else. Another reason to keep my head down, while possibly staying alive, you don’t want to know what the world has to offer because what do I do, take it, steal it, pay for it, and only, so I want more?

Again with my sugar diet, donuts and chocolate, quick meals not to live but to waste more time, wasn’t I suppose to have my poetry book ready to go this month and I can’t get past the first girl, a hundred poems out of how many? To make yet another pop culture reference yeah right, Fahrenheit 451, we are burning everything, and the sad thing is when we run out then the fire dies and bring on the darkness but then you can’t read the writing on the wall right?

That’s what I want Luna, maybe that’s why I relish sex, the feel of traditional books, when’s the last time I bought one of those, I want actual game discs, I keep my dog close, him and all his fur. I want to remember what it is to feel as the fire dies away, Lady Luna Let’s See What Sticks.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

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Tomorrow is New Year’s Eve, and on Monday I will yet again be reborn, but will I still be in the same place, if I can’t get out of bed for one night, how best to do what I should be doing for the new year? “Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Lesson 182 ~Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, if I could but leave it in the past, the end of this year, I don’t know whether to be glad, sad, feel bad, excuse the rhymes but that is yet one more thing that has not changed. It’s like the eye doctor always asks, better, worse, or about the same, and I’m pleased if things remain but I shouldn’t.

1. See Braxton through another year
2. Write 400 words on workdays (Goal 120,000)
3. Write 5000 words on off days (Goal 120,000)
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend
5. Buy a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish a poetry book
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Last year’s list of resolutions, high hopes but Braxton is alive, and I hope happy, I didn’t write 400 words a day until we began talking again but I have finished my 120,000-word novel “Some Assembly Required” that’s still a working title of course. This whole year I haven’t slept with one girl, and though I could have had one, I didn’t take the opportunity or speaking of which buy a cookbook either. I did complete NaNoWriMo “The Keys To Life” working title, I got a new car and did minor household stuff, no book of poetry, barely over 2,000 dollars, and reading… my lowest score in a reading challenge with 26 books so no.

2018 Resolutions:
1. See Braxton through another year
2. Continue to write my blog, at least 400 words daily and gain a profit
3. Complete one novel without NaNoWriMo
4. Sleep with a different girl a month (and, or) have a girlfriend/submissive
5. Read over 25 books one being a cookbook
6. Participate in NaNoWriMo (a novel in a month) 50,000 words
7. Finish all repairs (Back Fence, Refrigerator Light, Car, etc.)
8. Publish two books, poetry and novel
9. Collect more than 4,000 dollars in 52 Week Money challenge
10. Read for an hour and a half every day

Does it look like I’m even attempting to evolve, to rebel, of course, Braxton always comes first, and I bought everything I needed for a blog in September didn’t I and if I call myself a writer, shouldn’t I be going to work on that? I have to get out of this house and start hitting Books-A-Million, Starbucks, the library again, maybe even try Target because of Indiana Gone put it “bitches love Target”; and I should have a girl before November. I know I have skills, hell I built a coffee table, wrote a book, and if I publish I should have money and time honestly am I right?

What happened to me Lady Luna, where is the impossible, immoral, illegal, and insane, Tony Montana, of course, has it right, you have to work, you have to make money. As the song goes it’s a Bittersweet Symphony, and I can change, but then I look at this year. Now that should be the most significant fear, that I will still be sitting here, same as I was last year, fighting a stomachache, hiding in the house, with too much to read and not enough to write but another excuse, a wish, and some dream.

So what have I learned today, to be me and then not so, other than Braxton’s life, make my life so I just might need new Yearly Revolution, Evolution, Resolutions?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

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How many knew they had watched their last sunrise and how many of those have I regretted, that I wish I didn’t have to see if anything I should be more grateful to be sure. “And The Sun Rises”, maybe tomorrow, maybe the day after, who knows

Monday, October 2, 2017

Lesson 093 ~And The Sun Rises~

Hey Lady Lu
No Fear, you got to remember to keep your head up, and yes that is going in the rule book but speaking of which there are exceptions and one of those is when you’re being shot at. I swear I don’t know what is going on with the world today and how many times have I said, I’m not cut out for politics but to think my biggest problem this morning was I couldn’t keep my head up around this construction guy and then a few minutes later I learned there had been yet another shooting; some people will never raise their heads again and I’m complaining?

Death does not frighten me Lady Lu, of course you know this, I was in my car yesterday “Just Cruisin’” and the thought that if there was a button that could end my life so easily I’d probably push it. Suicidal tendencies as always but I’m doing pretty okay for just being human… when did I start explaining myself to you especially since I want to start writing today? As this Walmart greeter said, any day above ground right, and as we have discussed before just because so many others have it worse right now doesn’t make my problems any less valid and yes I am grateful, though I’m always saying that about my day job and that’s fear talking.

Speaking of fear talking, I was watching Fear The Walking Dead last night and this lady made Alicia promise that she wouldn’t make decisions based on fear and we know that’s my bread and butter. Also, a note, don’t let me buy bread and butter pickles anymore those things are gross but what does any of this have to do with today’s lesson? I was thinking that the sun isn’t scared to rise and neither is the moon, how about Braxton, how about any of those people who were at that concert just living life?

No, Luna, I don’t owe you a damn thing even remembering how we got back to talking, I don’t owe any bitch if anything I owe Braxton, but my point is that it’s a new day and what am I going to do with it, why fear it at all? So what have we learned besides the fact that sometimes I feel immortal or I’m dead and in Hell, and other times I know I need to get to work because I’m still here Lady Lu And The Sun Rises?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

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What do I want out of life, as a matter of fact, what is life other than one breath to the next, and why aren’t I making every single one of them count to have whatever it is I want in this world “As Badly as Air” I wonder how much I truly want.

Saturday, August 19, 2017

Lesson 049 ~As Badly as Air~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, as we always come back to the question, what do I want, not what do you want, not what they want, what does society want but for once let me be selfish, hopeful, let me add an I to my tagline of impossible, immoral, illegal, with the word “Insane”. Not a doubt in my mind I’m there already or at least always heading in that direction, so about today’s lesson.

“When you want knowledge as you have just wanted air, then you will have knowledge”

Do you remember when I got super psyched to join up with Mensa, strange considering my grade point average or lack thereof; what exactly was I trying to prove? Honestly Lu it wouldn’t have mattered even if I got in, what would that solve, a wise man that says nothing is thought of as a fool. Maybe I was trying to prove to myself that I wasn’t a fool, that would be a step in the right direction at least.

“There are two types of tragedies in life. One is not getting what you want, the other is getting it.” Yuri, Lord of War (2005)

Anyway, my point is, back then that was something I wanted, bad enough that I paid for the practice test, bad enough that I looked for the actual test, and bad enough that I felt bad after the disaster which was the practice test. What have I wanted that badly since, besides the transgressions of my biology, I mean I want plenty but I went out of my way when it came to Mensa. How about air though, we all want and need air but how badly have I wanted it, what have I been willing to do to get it, if it wasn’t around.

Lady Lu if air wasn’t readily available I would have probably suffocated by now but I have been without it and my answer is “anything” I would do anything for that next breath. “M Anime” reminded me of this yesterday, a child was willing to fight for just one more gasp, so what about now.

I told you making that list yesterday made me all sorts of giddy, it made me feel like I was a kid again, though I was never one to write a list Santa. Who do we write our lists to nowadays, like yesterday it’s all about working, what are we willing to do to keep living, another reason I write.

Like air is everywhere, I never questioned what I would find under the tree, it was there and while I might be surprised here or there, I was grateful and I never expected more. Nobody teaches you how to breathe Luna, maybe a smack on the butt counts but you simply count out and you take what you need and damn anybody else. Now, what if I applied that to everything else in my life if I want it as bad as my next breath then what in the Hell is stopping me from having it, is it just me?

“You got a dream… You gotta protect it. People can’t do somethin’ themselves, they wanna tell you you can’t do it. If you want somethin’, go get it. Period.” – The Pursuit of Happyness (2006)

I haven’t written anything to my parents in a month or so but the world continues to turn, and so do the lights on and off, the air conditioner, how about a dozen other things, I keep living, I keep breathing. How about the fact that all I need to do is keep breathing so that I can do my job, I must want my job pretty damn badly to keep getting up. What about us Luna, every day I write and that says something when I want to write as badly as I need to breathe, that’s something right?

Maybe I’m finally getting the hang of this life thing, you know how much I hate that whole living every moment like it’s your last, if that were the case I would be ashamed of myself. How about treating everything as though you’re reaching for that last breath, everything you want is in that next breath, even if you can’t see it, just breathe in.

“I’m not that optimistic. I feel like I’m sinking down a drain and I can’t get out.

She’d say, “when you’re stuck in that spiral, you reach up”.

What if there’s nothing up there?

Just reach up.” Planet Terror (2007)

I know Luna I’m not one for motivation but this morning as I mulled over getting Braxton a new groomer, and my Amazon list I just started thinking, when I want us to have everything as much as I need the next breath what will I do to accomplish this? I’ve never been this early chatting you up I don’t think but first things first, I need to work harder.

Did you see how expensive all my wishes are, no my dear talking up a girl for one day out of the year isn’t going to cut it, though speaking of which talking up a girl at all would be something. Doesn’t that go back to being the caveman and then evolving, what’s the use of air if I’m not going to use it, I might just become one of those mouth breathers but like Braxton, I have plenty to say. What do I want as badly as I want air, I want to do something with it I want to live, the pursuit of happiness and all that jazz.

As badly as I want air, I actually want someone that takes it away from me, and I don’t mean to catch it because she will be standing there right in front of me. I don’t want to be afraid anymore with any of my breaths, which means facing down my fears, heading back to the illegal side of things because I want to stop some breaths and hearts. With each and every breath I want to know that finally, I am the person that I should be in life.

So what have we learned today, if I see anything I want, treat it as the next breath, what am I willing to do to possess and to do that, and hopefully not be arrested? Every single breath needs to matter because if you must fight for the next one at least it should be worth something and that something should be truly wanted and desired As Badly as Air.

I Will Have No Fear