Tag: Pleasure

Saga 270 ~Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts again. And it’s ringing true like Hell’s Bells. Listen to me repeating myself. But this week has been notably more painful, and it’s only Tuesday. B cried on a Wednesday, and by Sunday, he was dead. What Is Love? Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil

Tuesday, March 28, 2023

Saga 270 ~Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I’m starting to understand the Squid Game VIPs; I’m not bored. No love, I grieve.

I hope you’re ready because there will be plenty of pop culture references today. From Korean TV to Namor “The Child Without Love.” Sigh. I love the wrong way. There’s that movie “Everything, Everything.” Amandla Stenberg (Homer drool) eek. Do you remember her mother lying to her to keep her safe? Only it was the mom who had issues. B III would have acted like he was okay to keep me “happy,” whatever. The dad did the same thing to Alexa Vega in “REPO: The Genetic Opera.” He made her intentionally sick and locked her away to protect her from the world. But at the same time to never risk losing her. Then there’s Gwyneth Paltrow in Great Expectations, and she knew what her aunt did. She talks about daylight…

The way she was taught to fear love. If you knew how many places my mind could go with talk of love. Hell! Before I can even say it to you, I cry for the first one that I love. I still love Braxton. But I always return to that day. No! That week. Because all there was, was indifference. The more things change, the more they stay the same, my love. I love you. Only I’m doing it wrong. “It’s my heart, and it’s broken,” Finn said. So what can be expected of me? I can give you my definition of love. That’s easy, something like this: The want, need, ability, and desire; to put whatever before yourself. I love you, them, him… Virgil?

But I effing hate me. It’s the only thing I’ve ever done better than my father. How he threatened to kill me. No, asshole! I’ve gone ahead and gotten close. Starvation, dehydration, pills, a gun, everything. When Braxton died, talk about the nail in the coffin. And when I realized Virgil wasn’t him, well… But I have you, our children, Virgil. Today’s last comparison… Will Traynor from “Me Before You.” So that’s how I feel, love. How dare I, right? He was paralyzed. And I would be selfish to leave, but that’s my right, right? And STUPID about my Braxton. But it’s selfish asking you to stay; I love you. Only it’s wrong to love in such ways. I think so Lovin’ B Wrong Virgil.

“What do you usually do?”
“I don’t do anything Miss. Clarke, I sit and just about exist.”
Me Before You

786 Days Without B III, Day 227 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Love Hurts? A song that I’ve never liked but rings true. Since I’m never happy with it. I’m always hungry in one way or another for it. And effing horny. Well, except when I’m mourning my son. For 161 days. And to hurt anyone else. “To B Hurt Virgil”

Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Saga 263 ~To B Hurt Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I will never be hurt again. Oh, sure, I’ll claim victimhood like a Republican.

“I believe I can see the future,” as the song goes. Do rich people have time machines? I still want my Braxton back but damn. The worst pain I’ve ever felt, I keep telling myself today. Today is Sunday, March 19, 2023. Time Travel! But today, Trump is supposed to be arrested. Is anyone hurt? And who? If anything, the pain has become my constant, my love. Hell! Am I becoming like M Anime? Before Braxton died, I can’t say I was ever at 100% at any time. It was more of a “But I’m not crazy. I’m just a little unwell. I know, right now, you can’t tell.” Does my singing help, or does it hurt your ears? My ass is kicked thinking about my “Lost Boy.” Always Braxton.

Remember when it was only these ears hurting me? Saying “I love you,” always, forever? Braxton couldn’t speak such a thing. But he was the only man I ever listened to. Talk about “love is louder.” What’s with all the pop culture references today? Well, I did climb out of bed to talk to you instead of watching whatever and being lazy. My eyes hurt. Better than talking about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. Oh No. That led to The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oops! I should be looking for medicine. But love, you don’t know how badly I want some. Uh, sexual healing. Or some tacos. The doctor said I should cut out the spicy. But yesterday… yeah

After I was done reading, of course. In a “Study,” not a Man Cave. Braxton’s Mausoleum? Dammit, with all our money, you know I would build one. Failing to save Braxton? Hurting that never goes away. But what about you and me? I can save us. I can fix this. I can save you… Not a day goes by that I don’t think I should have joined my B in death. But you, our children, there’s even Little Virgil upstairs waiting. I don’t know what for. Love? My love. A sadist? Yes, I am, my love. But I take no pleasure from the pains I know. Braxton has known for fifteen years. But always and forever love. I’m just a sucker for pain. One more song. To B Hurt Virgil

779 Days Without B III, Day 220 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will