Tag: Quiet

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

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A great man once wrote, to be or not to be. I’m nowhere near, not even good, and who would ever think I’m alright? Carolina Bound or M Anime? I do worry what B III thinks of me, wherever he is now. 2B Or Not To

Wednesday, September 29, 2021

Chronicle 090 ~2B Or Not To~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That’s like saying Braxton is alive. I own a brothel, and I’m married to NieR’s 2B.

Carla Valenti

We’ll get into that soon enough. Forgive me, Inspector Echo, for I have sinned. If I hadn’t given you Carla Valenti’s form from Indigo Prophecy, you would be a nun. I had a thing for holy women once “ahem” do (M Anime). Anyway, I should try to regain my holiness. But I have the spirit of fear when it comes to tagging up the shoes at my fucking Day Job. I refuse to speak my mind there. Anytime I find myself lying, that’s only Acceptance. Yesterday the Stupidity I showed was libel to get someone hurt, and I was corrected. Inspector, I find myself breaking Rule 002 You Are Not A Caveman. What’s Rule 001? Dammit, these may not seem like violations but killing Braxton…

If anything, that is the one crime I know I will never surpass. As always, Braxton remains the constant. So what took me so long getting back to you, considering it is now 9:40 AM? Routine, Tradition, the Usual, another day? I would have gotten up because of B III. Braxton would take his medication first because the meds made him into a fire hydrant. Then we would walk. Depending on my laziness, we would eat breakfast, Braxton and me. Today, there was his water and his treat in Remembrance. I fixed a Pop-Tart and a cappuccino. Oh yeah, then I had to get all sorts of crazy ideas for “Stuff And Thangs.” Of course, you know how that goes. I wouldn’t have dared before.

When I’m not Braxton’s Daddy, who am I? The people at Petsmart have stopped offering. I pet fur babies, but I can’t bring one home. To be a Dad again because I’m no model, ha. I don’t want to be, Inspector, you know. I woke up at 4:00 AM and shut my eyes. It hurts. Dangerous thoughts, but then there are moments. There are always several for B, my son. There are productive times. Not that I’m counting today sitting in bed or kitchen nakedness. I’ve been saying it, sitting in the Den with the door closed, believing Braxton’s back? Inspector, he wouldn’t be happy with me, slacking off reading. None of it’s Shakespeare but better than Playboy. Awake and Alive? 2B Or Not To

241 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 089 ~When B Isn’t B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m getting the hang of closing myself off in the Den. I can’t stay in bed all day (dammit). I’ve started hanging up Braxton’s hoody in his room. Let me hang out in there for too long, and B will be for breakdown, amongst other things. When B Isn’t B

Tuesday, September 28, 2021

Chronicle 089 ~When B Isn’t B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but if I wasn’t? B is for Braxton or books. How about beds. Damn Blue’s Clues.

What about Sesame Street? But it was Blue’s Clues that was in the news a week or so ago, right. What kind of man am I? A few weeks back, I was talking to M Anime, and she spoke about ALPHA men. You know me being one for Tradition. And yet I’ve cried 240 Days. I’m like one of the children crying over books like The Red Collar, Connected Souls. There’s worse, Baby Girl. I’m some Fan Geek “reading” over, Succubus 7 Fairy Tale, yep. Oh, and I did finish The Handmaid’s Tale. Turns out there wasn’t some “authoritarian” word. Remember I told you I figured there was some manly title for Commander Waterford’s office. My Study, being a man. Such things to figure out.

Only as I’ve said, my Study isn’t, only books. I feel Stupid (thanks, Matchbox Twenty). Today or how many days… I’ve been living, The Truman Show. “You can’t stand me.” Yes, that’s me, I don’t know, not projecting, but Thinking Out Loud. And sleeping helps. I’ve had a revelation of why I’m so tired. Well, okay, one reason and haven’t I always been a “man of leisure?” Anyway, I don’t think I ever got up off the floor when I was lying with Braxton. For Braxton’s last days while I was writing, I lifted him to the bed with me. Hell, I barely slept when I was beside him on the floor. Now even though the sheets are clean, he’s there. Space In Between Us

That’s my boy, my B. Even now, I can’t say he was. I’m sure I’ve slipped up here or there. Even at the old Day Job, the phrase “another day.” There will never be “another day” if I can avoid it. Every day should be unique. Not only for breathing purposes. What comes after? A beautiful wife, a big family, my billions, I mean ours. Before all that? Before there was Braxton. Before I can accept what has happened. That will never happen. It took Edmond thirteen years to get off the prison floor. For “The Fallen,” it was a year. Living in my Study with books and bites of movies. I’m a boy missing my boy. Not my wife’s bosom? When B Isn’t B.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a0N3Mfn3V0g

240 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 083 ~I’ll B Home Later~

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Today’s pride will be tomorrow’s humiliations. Hell, I was in a good mood, so I had to time travel. Will Wednesday (today, tomorrow, whenever) feel like this. Doubtful, I’m not that lucky with women, and B never met his step-mom. “I’ll B Home Later.”

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Chronicle 083 ~I’ll B Home Later~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I must have good clocks. I don’t think I’ll ever want to own a Rolex.

Now while I can get into my fondest for digital watches. How about the “Humiliations Galore,” at the Day Job. Hell, today B would have got a reprieve. You’ll be surprised what a pretty girl in a “virgin killer sweater” can make you forget. A nap, books, um NXT hmm? It’s why I’m talking to you so late, Inspector Echo? What do I mean, considering it’s Tuesday night? I’ve woken up pretty damn early the past two days trying to make a better life. Then after the Day Job and my binge of fast food. I’m KO’ed for hours, SIGH. Braxton would be proud, I mean it. Chicken and Fries, and as for that nap today? Um, ahem, I make them “Good Girls Go Bad.”

That’s why things like OnlyFans don’t frighten me. Echo, I’m naked every day in these words. I write some pretty horrible things in novels, poetry, more. Oh, and here’s a note, Hemingway will ding me using the word “pretty” four times now, Inspector? Anyway, the Day Job fucks me over. If I’m going to show all, be embarrassed, or have someone laugh at me, I can do that from the comfort of “my” bed. Sure, I might have locked up B III more, but I think he would prefer that to death taking him. Day 234 and it’s difficult Echo. You know that A-Word I’ve been kicking around, Acceptance. It’s not, even if I acknowledge the Day Job is a much worse place than here.

I’m sure June would disagree in The Handmaid’s Tale, you think. I let myself down by not reading enough today. I can’t help feeling I’m letting the Day Job down, like a pornstar that can’t get it up. I let Braxton down by working all the time and then sleeping. THEY say home is where the heart is. Dangerous thoughts Inspector but I would never. All the things I’ll never do. But I’m never late when it comes to the things I hate. Unless a pair of nice Yabbos were involved. I told Braxton I’d bring him a mother. Inspector, today there were good vibes, French fries, and I didn’t want to die. B III wouldn’t have minded, “I’ll be back.” I’ll B Home Later

234 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 082 ~Not Another Word B~ (2)

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Brevity’s the soul of wit I both read and heard. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to Hell, and they look forward to going. Love’s not what you say but what you do. So much in my Study, and there’s TWD. I still love you but Not Another Word B

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Chronicle 082 ~Not Another Word B~ (2)

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should have more free time. I wanted to be an Astronaut. Time Travel

It’s the only reason I’m on my couch now in the “Study.” What’s the difference between a Study and a “Man Cave?” Better yet, what did they call Commander Waterford’s office? Wasn’t there a fancy name for it when I watched the show? I’m not far in the novel yet. Having you to bounce these ideas off of. Braxton wasn’t much help on that front, you know. My Ma said that I would make room for happier memories of him. I’m still waiting for that day, and I continue hating the quiet. I’ll never reach Acceptance. B III being gone. What I am learning is like I hate most people, but they must be endured. I am trying to cope with the silence, My Love.

I close the door to my Study, and I imagine that B did something wrong. When he was in trouble, I would leave him in his room/the library. I couldn’t look at his face. I would forget to be mad. Hell, he would be upset with me if I took a shower alone; he’d huff. Only here you are, Baby Girl. Not to toot my own horn or scare you to death. I’ll never be able to forget the old Day Job that made me feel like an idiot every time I walked right in. Anyway, I’m a man who reads about Time Travel and never for better. Republican vices. I learned about a man who went into space because his cat left him alone.

Love, I’ll tell stories about men who abandoned their families for the cause of freedom. There are worlds where women aren’t allowed a place to speak. The sounds of silence. Now I enjoy my books. I like my TV, Films, and Games. Can’t I have it all, My Love, hmm? The Retiring Room, like “His Dark Materials” series. The Living Room of “The Immortals,” by Tracy Hickman. My Study/Man Cave, um Commander Waterford’s office. Baby Doll, that is going to bug me to no end. Like never hearing Braxton breathe. Yet I lie here on this couch with you. Your breathing, your heartbeat, questions. I’ll play games with the kids, watch movies right here. But I’d tell Braxton on TWD nights, “Not Another Word B.”

233 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 076 ~B There An Age~

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I haven’t forgotten the tattoo I want to get for Braxton and the different acronyms “EHC,” “JSS.” Since yesterday all I’ve been thinking is “FML,” only it’s never been my life, has it? My life, and so what chance did I have of saving B III’s? B There An Age

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

Chronicle 076 ~B There An Age~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but will there be an age I know no FEAR, HATE, or STUPIDITY. Fuck My Life.

Fuck, Mother Fucked, Fuckery! You’ll have to pardon my language Echo. Only who am I to tell you anything? God, I’ve been thirty-seven for over a week now, and I still go crying to my “father” for everything. In all honesty, as the song goes, “I feel stupid,” you know. Inspector, it would be one thing if it were only him, and how old is the ASM at the Day Job? Oh, I go running to the young as well. Hell, I wonder, will today be as humiliating as yesterday. Ten years of my existence wasted with a company, and I still don’t know shit. Will I be as worthless as I was yesterday “relying” on one of my much younger coworkers? Fuck My Life.

My motto, a mantra, the mold God broke. So he’d know never to make “me” this mistake again. I don’t even believe in God… well, not since B. How many years was it that I sat outside with him? Day One, and said that we had to look after one another. It was only us. Last night, this morning, was the most terrified I’ve been in quite a while. It’s taking everything within me to not curl up in the fetal position and lie here for the rest of the day. I should call out of the Day Job. No offense to you, Echo, but I should be doing more. What, hiding my entire life? You know that vomiting feeling I’ve had since last Friday?

Life retching out of me. That’s what I want. Today is the first day ever that I’m a bit glad that B III isn’t here to see what has become of his Dad. Now that right there is the sickest, vilest, cruelest thought I have ever had. I couldn’t protect Braxton. I can’t save myself. Hell, by the grace of God, I have been ferried through the night. If I see this day’s end and everything is “normal.” How I hate that word. What would “normal” be in this day and age? At this rate, I would give anything to go back to exactly where I was around this time. Asleep, dead to the world. Because today, Inspector, Fuck My Life. B There An Age
227 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 069 ~Tomorrow, Let It B~

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Moans, Maturity, as my “father” suggested, a new Mutt. Which, of course, is why he got Braxton for my sister, a pureblood, with papers and such. Speaking of papers, not a tiny bit of cash. No paper towels. Some tissues by midnight. Tomorrow, Let It B

Wednesday, September 8, 2021

Chronicle 069 ~Tomorrow, Let It B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but no, I didn’t get a new puppy. Dinner bordered on gross. Onlyfans, “Stuff And Thangs…”

Yes, I saw “69,” but no, not “Nice!” The women I spoke to on the 7th, let’s see. Two are Fam, my Mom, and Sis, and even where I’m from? Well, that’s a no from me, Echo ha and ha. There was Carolina Bound, and she knows to leave me alone on days like yesterday. Of course, I had to whine to her about my subpar dinner. Hell, B III would have loved it all. I went to M Anime as well. She’s in the same boat as me when it comes to the 8th. No rest for the weary, but she loves her bros. So before I forget, ahem, Happy Birthday to my sister. Forgetfulness, a trait of getting older, getting dead, turning 37.

At times I forgot the cameras were rolling last night. It wasn’t like anyone heard me sang about rockin’ out with my thang. I still wonder what possessed me to do such a thing anyway. The only company I had was, oh yeah, the DoorDash girl for a sec and dreams. The things that happen; without Braxton around. It’s now Day 220. Would I be a better Daddy now? What’s one more morning of waking up late? I can’t say I was dreaming of his future mom. 12:00 AM it was Cherry, and this morning I’ll go with Alahna Ly hmm. Inspector, I always take today off. To recover from anything that happened the night before. All I did was breathe. Braxton made it easier.

Today isn’t Inspector. I should work on getting back some of that cold hard cash from DoorDash or the restaurant. I hope Walmart doesn’t think they’re off the hook either. Once again, careful how things can be brought up having cops bashing the front door. Like all “Emergences” and again 37 total, you’d figured I’d learn, which is another damn shame. Anyway, did I think there would be a puppy at my door like John Wick had Daisy? I did get an email about a fur baby yesterday who’s gone now, I bet. Application? I didn’t have it in me, Inspector Echo. The days come and go, not even a whole year yet. Jan 31, Feb 13, Aug 27, Sept 7. Tomorrow, Let It B

220 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 062 ~B As In Building~

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The things that September brings to mind. Buildings, birthdays, my B, but to be honest, B is daily. I’ll have to write him another book, not like I ever published the first one. The things I’m trying to build in my country but then… B As In Building

Wednesday, September 1, 2021

Chronicle 062 ~B As In Building~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that doesn’t take an A student or B. What about C. Who am I kidding.

But grades are a thing of the past for me. Why am I even talking about me now, Echo? You know I hate that concept of somebody having it worse than you. When I was 17, what did I have to be worried about? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Inspector Echo, it’s the 1st of the month, and unlike all the others, where do I begin, my dear? Birthdays, Buildings, Braxton’s dinner. Which would be my dinner, but B III is my boy. Inspector, in particular, I need him for one day out of 365 because he would never say those dreaded words. Hell, I shouldn’t even be telling on myself, but I’ve been building today, my dear Inspector Echo.

No, I don’t mean at the Day Job, and yes, I’m ashamed that I’ve wasted ten years of my life. Today is Sunday, August 29, 2021. Welcome To The Suck. Again I shouldn’t be speaking like some soldier. Such were the events that took place in the U.S.A. this month. Inspector, if I want to be a more horrible human being and American, how about this? While I’m proud to be an American and God Bless The U.S.A., you know I’ll have to say something to Lady Lu. But when I compare the 11th to January 31st, what’s worst? Should I stick to today, which is Sunday? As I told the Man In The Mirror, I found more energy for “Stuff And Thangs” this afternoon.

I don’t know what I’m trying to build, which of course, is so wonderful (sarcasm). Inspector, if anything, now is the time to once again take stock and building a life. One more time letting the cat out of the bag. Inspector, I’ll be 37 shortly and what is there. These days are filled with hoping I have enough for an Emergence Day meal next week. I did take time off from the Day Job, which might be why this week must suck. What about a list for “Stuff And Thangs” on Amazon, but who knows with my current building? How far am I behind reading my latest book and betraying my son? I could write another novel for B III. B As In Building

213 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 055 ~I B Seeing Ya~

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Last week I spoke of crying, and if tears were cash, I’d be literally swimming in it. But I sweat at the Day Job, I would’ve given blood for Braxton, I did on occasion, and now a reverse on Onlyfans. But I’m not crying over that. “I B Seeing Ya”

Wednesday, August 25, 2021

Chronicle 055 ~I B Seeing Ya~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that’s something I want people to see. More I wish Braxton was alive to see.

I was reminded Monday that B watched me waste a decade of my life. Ten years, his Daddy, his best friend, his “person,” came home haywire, hurt, and hate-filled. There is not one day, no, not one that this wasn’t true. Unless I walked in then back out or yelled. He never minded, but now I find out that somebody else has. I’m a scary dude Inspector Echo. Most days, if I can be only a TIRED black man instead of a STUPID one or ANGRY. I would call that a win. I’m trying to remember those times B III saw me at peace, SIGH. I’ve said before that I don’t blame Banfield Pet Hospital. I’m guilty; I’m a murderer. But then ten years Inspector.

Braxton had 15+ and of those first five. Hell, how long was I with my Olds? I must have been twenty-one when I first met my son. As much as I want to say it was my rage at the Day Job, how can I account for wasting thirty-six years of my life? Almost thirty-seven. Um, my Olds, to the Day Job supervisors and managers, even Carolina Bound sometimes. From praise, to pardon, to pain, what they must think about me. I need earbuds. To know, the one I love the most as far as his opinion of me never spoke a single word Echo. Inspector, I imagine he’s as dedicated to watching me. Like, my sister had him watching the Disney Channel. I’m Onlyfans

You know me, I would do anything to get out of another day at the Day Job. Anything but yeah, publish a book or stop punishing my penis. Graphic, um, I’m sorry Echo for that. To think I saved that for the shower. Or when Braxton was on punishment, playing in the sun, or preaching to the neighbors. Inspector, there’s the news today from OnlyFans. Braxton is watching me be late enough as it is. Talking to you, but at least I’m not in bed. Didn’t I say something before about WWBD (What Would Braxton Do). Dad’s wasting his life. I can say for 15+ I found myself capable of loving one with everything, Echo. How To Save A Life… Braxton, I B Seeing Ya.

“I keep asking God what I’m for
And he tells me “Gee, I’m not sure.” Alan Menken, Skid Row (Downtown)

206 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

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My father would kick my ass for crying. I don’t remember the last time I cried, and it wasn’t about B III. 199 days now, and every single one, there have been some tears. At least it’s a moment in time I’m not sleeping my life away. B Rating My Tears

Wednesday, August 18, 2021

Chronicle 048 ~B Rating My Tears~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be making a good start if my tears cost a dollar at least.

A penny for my thoughts, but I’m not The Band Perry. If I Die Young, no such luck. I’m an old man Inspector Echo and once again repeating myself, so was Braxton. But he is always my baby. Every thought, well okay, that’s a lie but plenty, bring the waterworks. The same week I was finishing an A.J. Markham novel; I also read The Last Astronaut by Chris Dietzel. Short story made shorter, it’s about a man fleeing into space because of a cat. THEY say no one can hear you scream. Now, most of the story people couldn’t or wouldn’t. I know you must be getting sick of me talking about it. Here I am on a Sunday afternoon, knowing What Hurts The Most.

The Band Perry and now Rascal Flatts. If I wanted to cry today, I would listen to He’s My Son. I’ve already had my cry session today out of the blue. I should be ashamed when it comes to “Stuff And Thangs.” How about whatever humiliation happened Day Job wise. I’m writing this early after realizing how easy it would be to put up a gallery about Braxton, and I haven’t on Day 199. At least I know what I’ll be crying about on Thursday. 200 Days without Braxton. Tony Baker’s son died. That man’s stronger than me, no doubt. Inspector, he talks about his village but as for me… I wish I had a friend like Subotai from Conan The Barbarian. Cry for me

Inspector, when I’m crying, I’m not sleeping. It took The Last Astronaut decades to think Happy Thoughts about his cat, Bob. In “The Tomorrow War,” Dan got to see his daughter again. Some happy tears for M Anime, who turns thirty-three today, third best friend. Carolina Bound told me that if her husband wasn’t crying when she walked down the aisle. She would have walked right back up without him. To have happy tears, I’ll have to remember to fetch the dictionary. Never will be ahem; Happy Emergence Day. Yet, I wonder why I’m not “Successful” for all my blood, sweat, and tears. Does happiness take as much out of you as rage and sadness? If I’m lucky, I won’t go B Rating My Tears.

199 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 041 ~B Side Me Driving~

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Is there anything worse than being STUPID? I suppose being dead, but I know plenty of wise dead men. I sat beside one for 15 +years. But for his genius, he feared getting in the car. Hell, I’m 36 and will be 37 when again? B Side Me Driving

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

Chronicle 041 ~B Side Me Driving~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I’ve always debated whether I would ever drive again. Limos, have to come with drivers?

Now I’m not here to debate driverless cars. Dealing with one other driver was enough for me Monday. As I said, I’m not going to forget that ever. Which leads me to my first sin of what, today? I’ve had to commit several, which is why I’m talking on Tuesday. Driving is a necessary evil. I‘m not turning into Sheldon Cooper, considering I’ve been driving for decades… Jesus, what’s my age again? So my sin is not the fact that I could have hurt someone. I’m glad I didn’t, but I’ve cried more over B III than some old lady. My sin is the fact that I won’t get over my STUPIDITY. Reasons for Self-Harm 101 ahem, my father, Braxton, and everything I consider STUPID.

So the world is one gigantic torture chamber. I spoke about a lot of movies yesterday or today (Tuesday). I can’t watch any film that’s STUPIDITY for STUPIDITY’S sake. For the record, I wasn’t on my phone or anything when the collision happened. Blaming myself? I don’t even know if I should, though the lady seemed to think it was my fault. I didn’t claim guilt, but what I find fault in the fact that I still draw breath? The Day Job, the lady, the cop if dude decided to beat my black ass (dude didn’t). My Olds. Braxton’s Death. Inspector Echo, it’s all my fault, and I deserve to be punished. But like the song, “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.”

Fuck me, I was a better driver with Braxton. I should have started a list of reasons I need him. I could sum that up in one word, LIFE. Save my Braxton, save the world. Speaking of yet another reason to like The Tomorrow War. By loving one beast, I could hate myself a little bit less. I’ve said it, as I hated the world and myself, that killed Braxton. Driving with him, seeing as he would never sit down, I had to slow down. I wasn’t rushing to get out of the way. While I wanted to get “home,” well, Braxton was my heart. Was I looking for a reason to finally face justice? I won’t ever be A-ok. But B Side Me Driving

192 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will