Tag: Sins

Saga 260 ~It’ll B Saturday, Virgil~

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I complain that I don’t have time, and when I do, like today? Hell! If I treated every day as if I were looking for B III. Oh, he’s right there on the nightstand because Virgil… sigh. Had one messed up Saturday 217 days ago. It’ll B Saturday, Virgil.

Saturday, March 18, 2023

Saga 260 ~It’ll B Saturday, Virgil~

“It is an awesome feeling to know you are about to change someone’s life forever.” Tomorrow, When the War Began

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. When will be the day I won’t have to lie about that? I’d be a Republican.

Lunalesca. That means either a; I’ll always be lying about history. It’ll become all 1984. Then there’s B, as in billionaire, big breasts, maybe even bringing back B. Futurama (sigh). Didn’t I talk last week about being forgetful? And now the things being remembered, Lu. And no, I can’t blame St. Patrick’s Day. The only thing I was drinking was my tears because my eyes hurt. And holding back gushing all over… well, I know a lot of pretty girls. Ha! Um, knowing them might be subjective. Even this morning’s conversations Luna. There was a time, Lunalesca, I would already be up and about, looking for Braxton. Today’s without purpose. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Will I quit?

If I’m going to keep going back to those days, along with Sunday, January 31, 2021. And Saturday, August 16, 2022. Again I ask, which day will I become a billionaire? Oh, look at the time. Hell! Whenever I think about time, it’s between being sick and healthy, Lady Lu. You know Lu. I still hate that Stevie Wonder song “Someday at Christmas.” We don’t need “it” at Christmas but now. Right now! Health, Happiness, and Hedonism. But I can’t have that. If anything, like I, said last night. I’d settle for being naked in bed, eating a hot bowl of chicken noodle soup with a Sprite. Give me a slice of Strawberry cake for dessert too. But it’s Saturday or Challenge Day. Well, my ass is kicked. Yet again.

“Nothing’s difficult. Everything’s a challenge. Through adversity to the stars. From the last plane to the last bullet to the last minute to the last man – we fight. WE fight! We FIGHT!” – Joe ‘Lightning’ Little, Red Tails (2012)

More like getting punched in the dick, Lady Lunalesca but TMI? Jesus effing Christ. Lunalesca, did Virgil think that when I “chose” him? I keep having to remind myself of the brown fur around his eyes. There are the three black spots… reminders of Braxton, And I remember telling Braxton’s Aunt. It was like Braxton himself spoke to me, Lunalesca. “Daddy, I can’t make this more black and white.” I should go all Michael Jackson, Luna. I was about to make a crappy joke about Michael. But then, how much was MJ worth? How about at the moment? My Braxton is worth everything. And on a Saturday morning, I watched it slip from these hands. Another Saturday, I effed up Virgil Vivi’s Universe. And for today? It’ll B Saturday, Virgil.

“I said if you’re thinking of being my baby
It don’t matter if you’re Black or White
I said if you’re thinking of being my brother
It don’t matter if you’re Black or White”
Michael Jackson – Black or White

776 Days Without B III, Day 217 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

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I haven’t cried today. I can’t afford it. But you know how I begin the day. If I had billions, I wouldn’t be doing “that.” The Day Job pay is crap, but I find the time to teach 2V to go down the stairs so he can take one. “Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time”

Wednesday, March 15, 2023

Saga 257 ~Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. This leaves me more time to cry… or not. I wouldn’t be one for servants. Norman…

You know, the butler from “The Big O” series. If it was between Bruce Wayne’s “Alfred and Roger Smith’s “Norman?” I’d choose Norman, I know. Debates in the shower. Inspector, that’s when I’m not jerking it to Madison Paige. Oh, we’ll get to that soon. Today’s point is Inspector: I can’t stand the pain even though it’s well deserved. Inspector, it’s Times Like These; I want to spill any other fluid. Endure and Survive. Sunday, so the last episode of The Last of Us, which I’ve been thinking about. That and the fact that I like the sound of the rain. Drowning out all the hurt in water, Inspector? One of “my” greatest fears is drowning. (Shudders). I even have a deal with Braxton’s Aunt.

If the end comes by “The Way of Water,” she will fetch me with a boat. How did Noah do it? It wasn’t a boat big enough for all the tears I shed when B died. Have I cried today? I’m sure Braxton’s Aunt has. She and her husband lost their fur baby, Midnight, Inspector. If it’s not grief, then it’s fear. I’m sure I brought up what some reactor said about the three emotions of sadness, fear, and anger. Of everything I have to be scared of today. Cherry wrote a play that shows what a fucked up person I am. Abusive stories Inspector. Only I’m not angry at her at all. If anything, I’m mad at myself for several reasons. Spitting, Sweating, Sick

But as long as V’s ok? He can use the stairs by himself for the most part. V lacks initiative. Well, not when it comes to the gate. He’ll go on the carpet if I leave him on the floor. Inspector, I could kick him out then… back to Braxton’s Room and be alone edging. Which, of course, is how I ended up sick. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Last week I thought I was healing… Inspector, it’s a million times worse now. And now I go back and forth between needing a doctor and saying I got what I effing deserve. Effing dark. Inspector, what becomes of Virgil without me? Braxton? Virgil’s time? Mine? What do I do? Virgil Bags Braxton’s Time

773 Days Without B III, Day 214 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 253 ~To B Forgetful Virgil~

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I look to Braxton’s bowl, not Virgil’s. There’s the corner of the counter where there are B’s meds. In the fridge, there’s a bag of Braxton’s food. It’s a few years old. But yeah, I got Virgil. And what else is on my plate? To B Forgetful Virgil

Saturday, March 11, 2023

Saga 253 ~To B Forgetful Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t buy… “just one peaceful night… a clean conscience.” Choosing to remember or forget, Lunalesca?

Dog food? I still have a bag of Braxton’s sitting in the fridge. Meanwhile, I’ll probably have to Doordash more for Virgil. Sad to say, it’s not that I’m lazy or that I even forgot. No, Lady Lunalesca. It’s that I just don’t care. Well, I’m not letting him starve, am I? But you know how people were all WWJD. “What Would Jesus Do?” Whatever happened to that Lady Lunalesca? Fucking GQP! And what’s that new group that’s out, “HeGetsUs.” Anyway, as I say BLM, Braxton’s Life Matters. WDBN or What Does Braxton Need, Lu. With V, it could be I’m a selfish bastard. Or a terrified one. I got more of the prescription deodorant. I’m sure nobody’s forgotten my Humiliation at my granddaddy’s funeral.

I then fall back on my son’s death as the worst thing I’ve ever done. Talk about emotional support. And what about the fact that I haven’t changed his picture in months, Lady Lunalesca? Don’t I miss him? And do I want Virgil to join him? I need medication. But so does Virgil. I was talking to Lady Sophia yesterday about Virgil lying here. Annoyed? You bet I am. When I wake up, I want to forget who he is and imagine he’s B III. That’s something else I can’t forget. Every morning, realizing I haven’t joined B wherever he is. Did I forget that I’m not going to Heaven? Condemning Braxton to Hell, Lunalesca? Hell! I forgot how to live when I turned seven.

“What in tarhooties” became “what the hell?” And now, “What The Fuck” am I doing? Well, other than wanting to fuck. I have three rubber bands on my wrist Lunalesca. Comedy comes in threes, so say they. But in all honesty, I wear two because of my bandanna. In the time of COVID and I needed to make it back to Braxton no matter what. Only with The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Dammit! I’m sick. Drugs, Disease, Death? Lunalesca, the third rubber band, reminds me of all the tits I ain’t seeing. I got videos; Cherry, Starlets… I wish I had more of Somebody That I Used To Know. To B Forgetful Virgil

769 Days Without B III, Day 210 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

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B III and I are two peas when it comes to women. Nothing against Baby Got Back, but we’re trying to be the breast men we can… excuse me? I’m trying to be The Best Man I Can Be. Ha! But I did hope he’d have a mom. And Virgil? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

Wednesday, March 8, 2023

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now but not a single father. At least not again… not yet. Isn’t Braxton still here? Spirit.

And mine is gone. Now I’m crying again. It was good while it lasted. Angry, Antsy, and Always thinking about Braxton Barks. But I wasn’t crying until this moment. Inevitable. When I think about LOVE, I think about my son. Nothing more, nothing less, Inspector. Now LUST? Because I can’t think of falling in love. Not right now. Great Expectations. And fuck I had a lot of those Tuesday. Such was my great sin. Well, other than my boy B. It always goes back to that. But if it wasn’t B’s murder. I have so many other regrets as well. For example, I wanted to find him a Ma. He had my sister. Or did he ever? My B III. And his aunt… um, boobs?

So um yeah, ok, Tuesday. First and foremost, what the fuck is wrong with me talking to Cherry like that? Um, yep, I keep up with Triple B’s absence. 766 days. V’s arrival, 207 days. But how long can I keep my dick in my pants? The fuck if I know. Only how long can I keep from cumming… I should rephrase that. When was the last time I had a release? Apps can be fantastic… It’s been 68 days. When B III died, I went for exactly 161 days, Echo. Anyway, yesterday, while losing my fucking mind, I started talking on Onlyfans. Uh yep. It’s the usual mess, needing help with a bill, half-off for your assistance, etc. Inspector. Fucking moron… That’s me. Right?

Anyway, I paid. And again, I tried talking to Cherry like a skeevy, perverted, deviant. Inspector, it doesn’t help. Well, I start looking up Milf Dos, and I send the OnlyFans girl some dick pics. I told her what I wanted, ok. And surprise, surprise, can you guess what, hmm? I would have been better off saving up for a new sex toy. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Today I do feel as though I’m healing without medication. Inspector, I was out Sunday. No woman looking after me… My Ma paying my bills… International Women’s Day and all. “I’ll Always Love My Mama. Besides her, it’s been Gabbie Carter, Momokun, Day Job lady. But being in love, a meeting? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

766 Days Without B III, Day 207 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

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The last thing at the door… the “worst” Buffalo Wild Wings I’ve ever had. What happens when I stop singing Aceyalone’s “I Can Get It Myself?” If I had my way, the whole damn world would be delivered. “Love and Happiness?” Virgil, To Be Delivered

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like the song, “I don’t care too much for money. Money can’t buy me love.”

If you considered last night… $36.00 for subpar food. Now, didn’t I write off Arby’s and Jack’s? Add Buffalo Wild Wings to that list. Braxton wouldn’t care. His dining habits. That’s yet another regret I have when it comes to his death. That Sunday, I should have let the vet dose him and let him eat everything he wanted: fries. But no, Lady Lunalesca. I took my son straight to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever. He’s always stayed. Considering how I continue to mourn day 762. I don’t seek salvation for my crime. Lunalesca, if there is one thing I know. Triple B wants to be wherever I am. To quote Eminem, “I’m goin’ to hell, Who’s comin’ with me?” Nobody else, Lunalesca, hmm?

Hell! One more reason for me to stay alive. Like when I’d be asleep, and B III would watch over me. Then we’d sit in the den, and it would be my turn to look after him. And now what? I wish I could say I delivered on my promise to wake up early, Lunalesca. Billionaires wake up when again? I didn’t get out of bed until 5:00. But I can’t say I’ve been productive. Destiny Cuban, Lucy Tyler, and Sabrina Carpenter wearing lingerie. Lunalesca, give me some credit. At least I’m not paying for porn. I was doing the math all of yesterday, besides paying for Wi-Fi. Deliver us from evil? I wish, but I’ll have to go outside today. I want Pepper Dogs.

I want a world where money is delivered to a bank account. And I don’t have to do something I hate. So why aren’t I writing? I hate to say it. Kanye was right, Lunalesca? Slavery is a choice… At least when it comes to my Day Job. Deliverance, Destruction? Yesterday I did throw away some things related to The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Lunalesca, I wish I could have drugs delivered. Two more days to see me healing… There’s also the tax refund. Everything I need to get for Braxton and the freeloader. Lunalesca, his name is Virgil. I bought/adopted a dog. What about women? My soul? Perhaps, Virgil, To Be Delivered.

762 Days Without B III, Day 203 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 243 ~ Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil~

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What time is it? I exist by ticks and tocks. Yet as the song goes, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” It’s not a good time. Only slightly less than the worst day. But today, aww, Hell! Braxton might understand. Virgil… “Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil”

Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Saga 243 ~Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m a dumbass. Well, unless I’m stealing from people. Stealing from myself, for example…

I was actually up on time today. An hour before the first alarm went off… Earlier Inspector? Considering Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Remember? Not to take care of my son, I’m afraid. Not even to honor him because I wasted an hour. Remembrance wouldn’t have been a waste. Rage? Echo, we’ll get to that, no doubt, soon. Reading? Don’t I wish? There was an hour of time. What did I accomplish, Inspector? Rutting! Or at least trying not to. Something needed to feel good, Inspector. With today… Hell! If only Braxton were here, I would have been working as he slept. Now with the freeloader. I know, stop it. Did I mention I’m in a rage? I wouldn’t hurt him. But people…

That’s why my Braxton is dead. There’s all the rage out there in the world. There is nothing left but my hatred. How can I hate the man that Braxton loved so dear? Mirror, anyone? That’s why Virgil is safe in Braxton’s Room. I, on the other hand. Safety assured? Inspector, excuse me, (ahem) “my safety not assured.” Thank you very much, The Walking Dead: World Beyond. What I wouldn’t give for zombies, infected, tentacles… Inspector, the things we remember. And I have been through the gamut today. Fuck me! No! I want to feel this rage and anchor. The shame and disappointment; everything Echo. Because, again, not feeling got my son killed. And there hasn’t been a time for me to stop grieving that.

But okay, what happened at the Day Job? For two days straight, I’ve been corrected, chastised, and coerced into being a bitch for two managers. I can’t do anything right. Second, as for that coercion, I wonder who the hell am I? I can’t speak as I ought to ever. I cower, cry, and can’t stand up and be a damn man. But when B III was here, Echo… And now I’m existing by the clock. That hasn’t changed, to be honest. But when you’re thinking with your cock. Counting how many times I wish I were… um. Anyway behaving like a coward. And yet it’s 2V who’s afraid. It’s the only thing he and I have in common now. Chronomentrophobia. Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil

759 Days Without B III, Day 200 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 239 ~Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil~

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I’m sexy but haven’t had a release in 57 days. I’m suici… AHEM, but not like I’m looking to die. I have a freeloader feed. I mean Virgil. I’m scared, but I’m in the safest place of all, in bed. But it’s like I’m drowning. “Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil”

Saturday, February 25, 2023

Saga 239 ~Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be all kinds of scared. Ironic; I thought money was the answer.

As always, it was Triple B. Yes, I did say WAS because I’m scared all the time. Oh, in bed? If anything, this is the safest place of all. Like a little boy hiding under the covers. More like a grown-ass man keeping secrets. One more reason to miss Braxton. No time for that. Couldn’t be busy masturbating when I needed to be his Daddy, which meant getting up. Yeah, bed was for reading. Attempting to educate myself. What have I learned lately, Lu? There was a time to rest, and I don’t feel rested, Lady Lunalesca. Not even with the freeloader… I need to stop thinking that. His name is Virgil Vivi Bradford. But it’s like something out of Ghostbusters. Gozer and Ray’s Choice

If you asked me now what I think would or has destroyed me. I would say my Braxton leaving me. More like me killing him. But it was the fear Lady Lunalesca making me rush. The Day Job has the same effect. How often do I panic that I’m late and I will lose the one thing that allows me and Virgil to survive? Lady Lunalesca, I’m always fucked. And no, not in a good way when you consider The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Shouldn’t I be going to Urgent Care? I saved some money yesterday at the expense of seeing my second-greatest fear. The Traveler, the Destroyer. That would be my father.

Picture it, Lady Lunalesca. Here I am in bed, destroying my dick over some gymnast. Lunalesca, the next thing I know, I get a text asking if I’m at the house, and so I’m up. Dammit, I already was in a certain way but anyway. I’m putting on clothes and recreating that armoring-up scene from Blade II. And keep in mind this is to see my father, I mean. Should I treat every day like I will have to see my father? I am a little boy again. Should I pretend to see Braxton die and rush out of here heroically, Lunalesca? Only to fail. Is that what Virgil is missing, like the song goes, “fear is the heart of love.” Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil

755 Days Without B III, Day 196 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 236 ~B In Business Virgil~

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Well, ain’t nobody going to be calling me Cupid anytime soon. And as the song goes, “I ain’t much on Casanova. Me and Romeo ain’t never been friends.” But my son was/is my business. This house. But as far as existing? “B In Business Virgil”

Wednesday, February 22, 2023

Saga 236 ~B In Business Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I won’t be for long if I don’t mind my business. I’m good at that.

So I like to think. Do you know what else I like to think? Everyone can do whatever they want. As long as they don’t hurt other people. But minding my business killed my son. Braxton was/is my business, but “Oh no, Oh no, Oh no, no, no, no, no.” Late to the party, Inspector? And not the reason I am humiliated now. I didn’t even keep Virgil out today. Of course, the fact that I failed Braxton will always and forever be my greatest shame. The Day Job was humiliating enough because when is it not? Ignoring Virgil’s existence, losing money stinking up my granddaddy’s funeral. Bumping my head at Walmart. I remember watching a “specific” porno with Braxton’s Aunt. I can go on.

But the point is that I don’t make sound business decisions. Hell! College dropout… yep. Now part of that was because I was “in love?” Not! If you want to talk about love, call B. Right… Anyway, comedy comes in threes, and so do my decisions. Fear, fucking, and fury. Today let’s focus on the first two fear and fucking. Should I add friendship, Inspector? I’ve done good things concerning friends. With A Little Help From My Friends. Honestly, Inspector, most of my decisions come from wanting to fuck, like, all the time. Today I was reminded of this woman at Walmart. Pretty, blonde, Street Blowjobs waiting to happen. Only she needed money, and I gave her $5.00. For a lot more… who knows, hehe.

Do you recall MILF Tres? I got her to take her clothes off for $300 ha. Movies and pictures. Where the fuck was OnlyFans when I needed it then? Full sex tapes for $20-$50. Wow! And I don’t talk to MILF Tres anymore. Or Special K. And my other friends? I keep my mouth shut. I’m such a dick about tits. So where was that confidence today, I ask you? The Termite guy was here. That means I have a humiliating text to send to my old man. Virgil senses my anxiety. So the dude looks under the house and finds a bow. M Anime would have a ball. The promising archer that she is. Anyway, this “nice” bow. Inspector, I haven’t seen it ever.

“Oh I get by with a little help from my friends

… Gets high with a little help
From his friends

Oh I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends” With A Little Help From My Friends, Beatles

He likes it, and he wants it. Yes, it’s under the house… (my Olds house, they pay for it, yep). So me, the would-be businessman, what do I do? Do I charge him for it? Keep it, hmm? Again M Anime could teach me… when I’m not trying to talk her out of her clothes. What did I say about shutting up? That’s what I did today. I shut the fuck up, Inspector. He charged me for the inspection and got a weapon that’s been here forever, Inspector. Why? FEAR. As I can’t seem to take charge of this existence. Bills, payments, freeloader. I’m trying to be nice to Virgil Vivi. I couldn’t talk Braxton into staying alive, Inspector. Existing. Living. B In Business Virgil

752 Days Without B III, Day 193 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 232 ~Waiting For B, Virgil~

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Am I still waiting for Braxton to come back “home?” Or am I waiting to drop dead? And how best to make that happen? I know I get tons of practice staying in bed. If Virgil wasn’t here right now… Hell! Even if I had a woman… Waiting For B, Virgil

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Saga 232 ~Waiting For B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have no patience when it comes to making more money, more money, hehe.

As the song plays, “What’s My Age Again?” Waiting, hoping that’s all it is, Lunalesca. Because I’m an old man… well, a perverted old man Lady Lunalesca. The Cherry Collision. Is that the name I’m sticking with? Fuck! With the price, was fucking myself over worth it? Nope! But again, I’m waiting to see. And not for months this time or so, I hope Lu. Patience is not one of my virtues. But like the GQP, “‘Cos money making is a wonderful thing.” (Cue girl with nice tits)… oops where’d all my money go? If only B III were here. And again Thursday, February 16, 2023. I got to remember that date. I’ll need medication? Not sure. But I always need my boy. My son.

Braxton, “where’d you go? I miss you so. Seems like it’s been forever that you’ve been gone. Please come back home…” What’s with me and the music this morning, Lunalesca? Yes, I continue to stay off of Spotify until I find the perfect song. And um, I started Succubus Lord again. I have at least three new books waiting to be heard. And my books? I was up on time this morning, not dicking around because Virgil’s here, Lunalesca. I was counting off the seconds in fear. And yes, this day has started off in terror. How do I exist? At the moment, I don’t want to. And living? That will have to wait, Lunalesca. Braxton ain’t coming back, and I’m not dying. Still waiting.

The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident, The Cherry Collision? Killing myself the best way I know how? Don’t they say that murder gets easier? I killed B III. Wasn’t easy, Lu. You know I don’t give a fuck about myself. The one luxury I’ve given myself was a soda without drinking two bottles of water. Oh, and sleep. What about my Enormous Penis? If I had a moment to myself, but since the 16th… Virgil has come running to the bedroom. I’m too busy being a… not a dad, not with Virgil, anyway. But he’s hanging out. He might starve himself wanting to be around me. Is he waiting to trust me, to not be afraid? Lunalesca, you’re waiting until I’m better. Waiting For B, Virgil.

748 Days Without B III, Day 189 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

WillLeave a comment

If I want to be ashamed, I can look in the mirror. There’s seeing this one particular woman and getting hard? There are morning huddles at the Day Job. There’s also sitting on the bench when they say B’s sick. Nope dying. B Embarrassed Times 2V.

Wednesday, February 15, 2023

Saga 229 ~B Embarrassed Times 2V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as I said before, I’m not a snowflake, sissy, or snickering member of the GOP.

But I am a bad man. Not R. Kelly bad. More like I’m the bad guy because I do bad-guy things. Thank you, Henry “TLOU.” Worse than fantasizing about a woman I work with? It goes without saying but killing my son, the death of Triple B. Echo, that’s the 9th Circle for sure. Treachery. Of course, that’s been on my mind all January and this month. And not because I finished Succubus Lord yet again. And again, my boss these days… This brings me to Virgil. I keep saying I must be nicer to him. But even now, he’s in Braxton’s Room. All by his lonesome. Well, at least I ain’t masturbating; edging, at least. I’m working at the table after the Day Job.

Does some woman have me all revved up? Could it be that I enjoy being clean? That’s something else that’s been getting to me, Inspector. I wish I had found that clinical deodorant sooner. As in before my Granddaddy’s funeral. Not his death, but smelling funky. Inspector, I’m sure my Olds were all kinds of embarrassed, and my sister too. I don’t give a fuck about my Old Man, but he has something else to laugh about. It’s eating me up. Again what about Virgil? He needs his nails trimmed, a bath, and God knows what. Inspector, it requires money, movement, and, most importantly of all, people. Braxton never embarrassed me, and neither has Virgil. As Akon sings, “you can put the blame on me.”

And “I’ve tried so hard.” Obviously, not when looking up black role models. R. Kelly, my Old Man, Akon, (sigh). Hell! I’ll be the first to admit I don’t want to be good. Books, brothels, bullets, and/or biology. Go into a business where you’re always needed. The keyword there is always. And I’m always embarrassed, Inspector. This existence that I’m hoping to turn into my life someday… Where Braxton doesn’t feel the need to always protect me. Where Virgil doesn’t see me as a wicked monster. Inspector, I want to be someone good enough for one of these “friends.” Lusted for and loved. How about saying I’m who Braxton thinks I am? One day? I wish. Nope, walking with Virgil. Outside? B Embarrassed Times 2V

745 Days Without B III, Day 186 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will