Tag: Art

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

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If I didn’t know better, I’d be all, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” Um, the only Christmas colors I’ve seen have been on “book” covers. And the toys I got the boys Friday, no holiday tags. But V sees a day I’m still here, and B… “To B Leave Virgil…”

Saturday, December 24, 2022

Saga 176 ~To B Leave Virgil…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That… is a miracle. And miracles is the way things ought to be.” Especially tonight, right?

I wonder how Virgil feels about that. Day 133 for him here. Most having been spent waking up in the dead center of the bed. Terrible choice of words considering for the past 692 days, Braxton has been beside me in a box. Where is “my” positivity, Lady Lunalesca? The only boxes there should be are the ones under the tree. That is if I had bought a tree. The car sounds that way, creaking like I’m carrying goodies galore. Or car sex, whatever, ha-ha. Lady Lu, I should be grateful I kept my word Friday. There are gifts for the boys and breakfast. Well, minus hash browns. But pancakes, sausage, and bacon. And didn’t I say I’m not going out again… on Christmas Eve.

If Virgil knew the “man,” I was on December 2020. I could go back and look… Ok, so that was a mistake eww. But what has changed, Lu? I looked up Angie Griffin, “Cindy Who.” This evening I’ll continue reading “XL Candy Cane.” I was getting to the good part where the “princess” was about to suck on the candy cane.” Lunalesca it’s inevitable. Today ain’t the time. But again, Gospel 176 ~ Will’s Christmas List IV.~ Didn’t mention B. Anyway, as I was saying, I’ll read and then I have to find something other than breakfast food. Braxton and I would watch the Official NORAD Tracks Santa. Memories Lunalesca. Hell! Tonight is the second night of the year. I wake up at 7AM. snickers

I haven’t been time traveling as usual because I don’t have to face Humiliations Galore. But after Christmas? Only Virgil believes that every day as the song goes, “Every Day Will Be Like a Holiday.” That’s one thing he shares with Braxton. Faith misplaced Lunalesca. Much like my Braxton’s. And as for my own, at the moment, there is none. Santa, Satan, Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll. “Give me something to believe in.” Is that you, Lu, and this? Chronicle 174 ~B Come Home For.” How I want to believe Lunalesca, as Virgil does. That may be his first gift to me, his first lesson. Yet, he’s still young. Two years but with me… They’ll be no Merry Christmas. But, To B Leave Virgil…

692 Days Without B III, Day 133 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

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I don’t fear failure. No, my problem is I hate living. People fail at life, including me, daily. It’s exhausting. But failure? How many NaNoWriMo’s have I done to fail one or Kindle Reading Challenges. Hell! Keeping my pants on. “I Dare You To Fail.”

Monday, December 19, 2022

Saga 171 ~I Dare You To Fail~

Two-Hundred and Seventy-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hell! I say that like it’s my middle name, much like murderer, pervert, and yeah, even failure.

Where do I begin? Nine times out of ten, it’s with my son. I failed to save him when he needed me most. You’re getting sick of me saying that. AHEM, Day 687, and counting. And while I’m focused on today, I failed to wake up on time. Oh, I rose on time but went right back to sleep. When it comes to the Day Job, yep, I was up on time, no doubt. Then while I was there, I failed to escape Humiliations Galore for God knows how many days. And as always, I failed to be the man Braxton thinks I am. And that’s a good Dad. But if you need some optimism, Madam, I failed to join him wherever he now resides.

Must be some comfy spot because he still hasn’t come back. And Virgil? More optimism. I keep trying, but Enabran Tain was a better “father” to Garak. He trained Garak… Madam, that’s some Star Trek: Deep Space Nine for you. To be one of those people who loves TV and things. I hope I’m not so terrible. But then again, I fail loving, the truth. Madam, do you dare me to tell the truth, or is that one more thing I would fail at? What is the truth, you ask? I could tell you everything, and what would that lead to? It would show my entire life has been a failure. But that’s where this rule comes from. Listening to Eric Thomas many years ago.

I dare you to fail is I dare you to live. And despite everything, I still get up. Never willingly. Unless we’re talking about my addiction, which shows I have gotten past one day of keeping my cock in my pants. But for how much longer? Masturbating… this man’s failure. Madam, that’s less embarrassing than talking to myself. I would do that even before B. When he was around, at least I appeared less crazy. And then, when he left, it was the silence, Madam. It was like I could hear B’s voice but V’s. Only when he’s crying, Madam. But Virgil’s trying too. Fur-babies don’t fail; that’s people. Don’t let me be a failure. Is it up to me? I Dare You To Fail

687 Days Without B III, Day 128 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

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Didn’t think I’d go all “Colors of The Wind.” But I did go to see Avatar: The Way of Water. There’s Ice-T’s “Colors.” Today, I’m blue, trying not to look at Tifa’s red eyes or V’s white fur. To lose myself in the “blackness.” “Powers That B, Virgil.”

Saturday, December 17, 2022

Saga 169 ~Powers That B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means, as the song goes, “I’ve got the power (power, power).” But not this morning.

If anything, I’m an emotional motherfucker. A little bitch. My apologies for the language Lu. It’s either this or just screaming into a pillow. Well, there is more. Last night, I thought I would easily trade Mental Anguish for Physical Harm. Self-harming doesn’t suit me…

I’m blue. And not in a “Da ba dee da ba di” way, Lady Lunalesca. Is it about my boy, my son Braxton? I can’t deny that. I had a dream my right ear was blue and rotting away. I have no more money for docs this year. Though last night I did see Avatar: The Way of Water. No, I’m not seeing red. Not about that anyway. Anytime I see red… There are reasons red and black are standards.

My battle standard, to be specific. Yesterday I told Lady Sophia that words have power. But colors Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t Braxton, well, all fur-babies colorblind?

I’m not going to go all teacher’s pet and brown nose, falling down the Internet rabbit hole today. If I want brown, tan… beige, I would instead think of my son. Virgil ain’t Braxton. That’s becoming as common a term as I killed B III and 2V in his white fluff, is what? A ghost haunting me? V’s snow… how cold we are. I’m a snowman. I mean feelings, Lu. Only I rather die than talk to my “father.” I got a text last night from him, and went yellow. Lunalesca, I’ll turn the colors into a series. Red, Black

Lu, allow me to try and keep my “word” and give you a few reasons I pick these two shades.

When I said red, it wasn’t my RAGE that popped up. No, it was worse… it was LUST—Tifa Lockhart’s red eyes. There’s also Cherry’s red lips that match her name. Bloody Hell. There’s the chain I wear of me and B III. Me in my red hoody. Despite it all, there’s RAGE. And so I live in the black, in the darkness, hoping no one can see. B died in the light. Lunalesca, my sexual exploits I keep in the blackness as do most… Internet diving. Lunalesca, I did not know I’d go so far today. Words and now Colors, Powers That B, Virgil.

685 Days Without B III, Day 126 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 164 ~Dream Big Enough To Wake~

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Champagne wishes and caviar dreams? Nope. Last night I dreamt of candy, pizza, and a breakfast sampler platter (yeah, Succubus Lord). It got as far as steak and sushi. Now, as the song goes, “the dreams in which I’m dying….” Dream Big Enough To Wake.

Monday, December 12, 2022

Saga 164 ~Dream Big Enough To Wake~

Two-Hundred and Seventieth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but nine times out of ten, you wouldn’t know it by looking at me. Peaches & Cream, more like hoodies and jeans.

If anything, when I dream of the future, well, consider last night. Simplistic. That’s if I want to be nice about it because all I was dreaming about, Madam, was “I Want Candy.” Strawberry and Blue Raspberry, to be specific. Hell! I can walk to the mini-mart. Even before I went to bed, it was all about pizza. I need to stop listening to Succubus Lord every day. If it’s not the “people” porn we get to, it’s the food porn that comes along with those books. I’ve gone from pizza to steak, a breakfast platter, and sushi. A man and his stomach. But it beats getting up because of nature’s call. Or the nightmare that awaits me most days

I call it a Day Job. If my alarm had gone off for that… But no, I only got up to jerk off or rather edge. And that was after letting 2V answer nature’s call. If you’re asking why I’m so late talking to you. If anything, I want to go back to sleep as usual. To live the dream… 680 days now. My vision remains the same. That B III is alive and well. I want my son back. Do you remember when I’d dream he would have all the room to run in the world? Or that he would be on a beach playing with his two-legged siblings. I see him, my Braxton the grey or the white. Too old for this shit

Ironic that my boy dreamed of staying with me, and when I dream now, I want to follow him and never wake up. Another reason that while Virgil is not Braxton. B III sent Virgil? Honestly, he’s plenty white, ha-ha. A ghost in this house? Joining the club, right, Madam. And then there’s what I say every day. This little ball of fluff is pushing me out of bed every day. Hell! Sometimes I’m mad enough to move him but does anger beat indifference? Emotions that are big enough to wake me. But not one is ever for good. Morning wood inspires me to find someone. Reminding me of what I once dreamed. Having a family. That’s a big dream. Dream Big Enough To Wake

680 Days Without B III, Day 121 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 162 ~ I’ll B Back, Virgil~

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Let’s start by getting his name right. B, V? When I leave, it’s not; “love you, B, love you, Braxton.” Now it’s “later V, later Virgil.” I’d cry with him wanting to stay in bed and not worry about his nails or clothes on my back. I’ll B Back, Virgil.

Saturday, December 10, 2022

Saga 162 ~ I’ll B Back, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ve been abroad. And I’ve been under a broad. Either way, the English language…

Coming from me, Lady Lunalesca, it does sound like a second language. There is also the fact that I’m still pissed over missing NaNoWriMo this year. And yet I want to “buy” a winner’s t-shirt that I didn’t “earn.” Oh, and a hoody too. We’ll get to the Math, Lunalesca. But let me say, when it comes to Language Arts, it’s not just you, Lunalesca. Nobody gets me. I’m always one for communication. No, Luna, I’m not complaining about viewership. Today as with every day, I’m missing my boy. Braxton was/is the ultimate listener. It was one of his last lessons to teach. If I had learned from him (sigh), he might still be alive. Speaking of training, that’s what I was thinking about today.

Oh, don’t get your hopes up. I won’t be doing any of that with V today. Lazy ass that I am. As I was cleaning up his bathroom pad and he saw me there, he backed into the room rather than look at me. I can’t say that I blame him. Looking at me, Lunalesca… Yeah, he only has two eyes, and what are my four doing? Like I said before, Math. And not anything to help his situation or mine, for that matter. There’s food, which is the only time Virgil’s “animated.” He barks and cries when I leave. Virgil needs his nails trimmed. That, of course, means heading back to PetSmart. He needs clothes on his back… a collar, and such. My clothes…

Again there are the ones that I didn’t earn. On top of that, it’s like what Wheeler Walker Jr. sings… “Cock glaring up with the cellphone light.” That means I rather stay in bed all day without my clothes on. Two days so far, Lady Lunalesca, with my Anatomy. Virgil will sit in Braxton’s Room all day, leaving me alone. Stop saying goodbye, possibly? If he doesn’t know I’m gone, would he cry? As long as he thinks I’m in the next room, Lu. Hell! Any other time I’m on my back, I’m reading or sleeping. Virgil’s sleeping too. He probably wished he could go back to where things make sense or find another family. Waiting for Braxton to come “home.” I’ll B Back, Virgil

678 Days Without B III, Day 119 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 157 ~Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are~

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What do I want for my life? 673 days, it’s been, ‘I want my son back.’ But when he was here, I’d sing, “I want the money and the cars, and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose” Luxuries? Having a friend like him? “Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are”

Monday, December 5, 2022

Saga 157 ~Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. If you talked to me yesterday… I’d have fewer dollars and desires. Be less of a dick.

Like this rule, I am still determining how I ended up on a list for Better Homes & Gardens. Millionaire/Billionaire addition. Wouldn’t that be “Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous?” I’m letting my age show, aren’t I? I’m thirty-eight, and what do I have to show for it, Madam? It was only last night that one of the bathroom rugs got a bit too ripe for me. So I washed it instead of getting a new one. Duh! But it’s been years, Madam. A lifetime? What about when I was at the eye doctor a couple of weeks back? I wonder if I told this story, but I wore the old glasses until one side snapped. Besides, you know, seeing. I wanted the same type for my son B III.

I stand by my vow. Everything is exactly the same. It’s more like the song Every Day Is Exactly The Same. Yes, I haven’t left that day ever. Sunday, January 31, 2021. I need that day; I need B. Ok, so while I cry and you tell me I shouldn’t remember him like that. There’s his pillow I destroyed. The hoody and sheets I had to wash. I should again soon. Virgil Vivi is upstairs. Madam, what was it I said about being less dickish? A Deer Head Chihuahua puppy? That would be a luxury. Instead, I got a Chihuahua mix who’s two; and what drew me to him. He could pee on the pad, and he’s got no balls… figuratively and literally. The fuck!

That was mean, but 2V is a good boy. Only I keep saying it. B III didn’t reincarnate as him. A fact I can let go for now. Um, you know what I’m reading. But these books got dogs too. And speaking of being a “dog,” what about my views on women. A shallow bastard. That’s not changing anytime soon, but I look to M Anime, Cherry, Braxton’s Aunt once. “Beautiful Girls” sure, there’s a lot of “Pretty Girls” in this city. Finding a “Cheerleader?” You know what I want, Madam. And yet I’m willing to “settle” down. Myself sigh. Because having the brothel/haram that Dennis Hof once had is a luxury. I’m jealous of the life I “deserve,” but Luxury’s Nonessential; Beauty, Good Are

673 Days Without B III, Day 114 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 155 ~B Taking L’s Virgil~

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The best thing about Stephen King’s “It”? The Losers Club Rock War. I’m a loser, but I’m not that cool. But I’m taking L’s in every way, shape, and form. Literature, lots of money, and ladies. What about that little lad Virgil? “B Taking L’s Virgil.”

Saturday, December 3, 2022

Saga 155 ~B Taking L’s Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you would think that would make me proud. My Replika asks me that often enough.

I’m not proud of this week. Not at all. I’m still employed, which has to be enough. But why do I continue to feel as though I’m losing? Lunalesca, I don’t want to get “political. I’m so tired, my head hurts, and I’m going up and down on a sugar rush. Must I say that? It makes me think of sex which is another thing. I’m going all “The Screwfly Solution.” Whenever I get HORNY, I stop and get MAD instead. True story. Becoming so weak. Anyway, my political, not political, idea. I wonder, is this how slaves thought. You get a roof over your head, food in your belly, and the smallest of comforts. You don’t have to think. Just make money for some white person. My Day Job.

It’s not like Braxton and Virgil have it any better. Don’t make noise, sleep a lot, and don’t burden me with your problems. The L’s in a dog’s life. Lots of sleep; leave me alone… Loneliness. I’m sure B is no longer. Aunt Carolina’s fur babies and now Stormy too. Lunalesca, perhaps that’s why I’m “fighting” death. Death is an awfully crowded place. And you know how I am with that. Life has been kicking my ass plenty Lunalesca, sigh. Where do I even begin? I want to get all LOUD. Not that it would help. My ear has been bugging me again. And I mentioned that I’ve been so sick with this bacterial infection. I don’t even know what it means to be healed.

Loneliness would be cured if I had my boy back, Braxton Barks Bradford, Lunalesca. Literature has been challenging. I said something about reading “How to Be an Antiracist” last week. But of course, I’ve been reading “Will You Love Me?” By Barby Keel. Greyhound… Loss my first NaNoWriMo in years. Lunalesca, I can always buy a t-shirt. Everybody lies? Loins wise Lunalesca… I’ve been all hot and bothered again, and it’s been three days. Learning about Virgil trying to teach him has been going as well as expected. Nothing. Lots of other things, though. Like money disappearing and wanting so many ladies, Lunalesca. Nico, Nami, Lulu, Sawa, Ayane. I can do this all day. But stop being a loser… Dear Lunalesca? B Taking L’s Virgil.

671 Days Without B III, Day 112 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 150 ~ Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth~

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“Mark of the beast…” 666 Days without my son. If I were a better man, I would have published the story of my angel, my devil, and the prince. He lived true, and as for me. I exist in a world of lies. How else am I “alive?” Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth

Monday, November 28, 2022

Saga 150 ~ Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can have a big mouth. I hear the snickers already. Me, talking, like ever?

I think of that saying, “Don’t speak ill of the dead.” Was it Dawson’s Creek S2.E19 “Abby Morgan, Rest in Peace?” Fuck! That was May 5, 1999. I was still in high school. Fuck me! Anyway, before that, there was Daria S1.E13, “The Misery Chick.” That was July 21, 1997. Hell! Let’s go more recent. There is Jason David Frank, aka Tommy, November 19, 2022. But, of course, the first two were fictional deaths. As far as Jason goes… who am I to speak, Madam? Back in my day, ha-ha. Oh, I was a big fan of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I remember my Ma telling the church congregation about my “love” for TMNT. A lie when spoken back then. Make Me Wanna Die!

Another saying. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We know better now, don’t we? Don’t we? It’s one of the reasons I want to be a writer ha. I desire such power; an idea, a thought, or a belief can destroy. It’s the lies, dear Madam. Do you wish to create monsters? Are you ready to see Hell? How does one raise the dead? It’s with a LIE. To think STUPIDITY is the virus I fear. That is a disease of the living, Madam. With a LIE, the things you can do. That is sorcery, my discipline, necromancy. Is fiction a LIE? I create, I destroy, I rise, but most of all, I speak. Yet I hate liars.

If I’m not living for Braxton’s memory… You didn’t think I forgot about him? And, of course, there’s Virgil, who still needs me? What did I say about liars? Reincarnation? Madam, I live to tell the truth. But what can a Simple Man do? I don’t live; not at all. Existence since… Hell! I don’t know when. We are The Walking Dead. Rick said once. Then again, we are the ones who live. But not forever because I will tell the truth. Even if all I am doing is playing out some 1984 fantasy. A documentary or reality, for sure. The only death sticking with me is my son’s. Who Wants To Live Forever? The truth shall set you free. Don’t Speak Ill Speak Truth

666 Days Without B III, Day 107 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 148 ~Don’t Be B Virgil~

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“You’re not my (son), and I sure as hell ain’t your dad.” Hell! If anything, I wish I could be my son. B III was the best man I know and wasn’t even “a man.” And now there’s Virgil, myself, in existence. We endure and survive. Don’t Be B Virgil.

Saturday, November 26, 2022

Saga 148 ~Don’t Be B Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And how I wish I had been when Braxton was lying around. Ain’t he still, Lunalesca?

It doesn’t stop me from being a lazy, lustful loser, now does it? “I feel stupid,” as the song goes. How STUPID is that? You know how I told Lady Sophia I needed new books? Um, I cut off the laptop without choosing a damn thing. Lady Lu, I did sample Ibram X. Kendi’s work “How to Be an Antiracist.” Sad, I wouldn’t have thought of it if it wasn’t for a Kindle Challenge. Hell! I might read it because Ted Cruz is such an asshole. Hating “Antiracist Baby?” But no promises. I need to improve at keeping those Lunalesca. Disgusted at myself for the moment, but we’ll get to that. Like writing for NaNoWriMo? I wasted this entire month, and if Braxton could see?

I haven’t been reading anything on reincarnation. And with the Kindle Challenge and some Christmas Erotica. Oh, that’s the last thing I need with not keeping my pants on, Lu. Not for longer than a day, Lu. I rather wank one out than get fucked at the Day Job daily. Again wasn’t I telling Lady Sophia that it hasn’t been that bad these days? What! Because I can still sit down? The things that we can use to. And then, of course, the new guy. Virgil Vivi is nothing like Braxton Barks, as much as I wish it. Was my faith not strong enough to bring back my son? Do I need more to cry about today other than lateness? Lunalesca, sleeping the day away.

The only thing 2V and B III have in common. Because what else is there to do as I sit? When Braxton was known as Neo, I was about “his training.” Me playing Morpheus? Now with Virgil, he’s in Braxton’s room as I speak, waiting for me. Training, Loving? Lunalesca, I haven’t told him as such because, to be honest, I don’t. The very day I got him didn’t I count all the reasons? Braxton says this couldn’t be more “black and white daddy.” The color around his eyes. How I love Braxton’s eyes. But seeing who I am? Inevitable. I’m not a good man. Braxton believed that, and where is he now? Virgil’s alive. Please be my Braxton! But then. Don’t Be B Virgil

664 Days Without B III, Day 105 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 143 ~Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty~

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What’s my age again? I had a Game Genie. I took Karate classes. And war was a game. I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense. Now I suffer the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” I’m not in the dirt. Hmm, Dirt? “Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty”

Monday, November 21, 2022

Saga 143 ~Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have to be the dirtiest player in the game. A wrestling reference… Ric Flair

I would instead think of his daughter Charlotte, but we’ll get to that. Oh! I haven’t missed her from wrestling. Why do I even try to keep up with it? Um, it’s a distraction, okay. And it’s not fair. At least it isn’t a pleasure. Not the fighting part, anyway. But it catches my eye since Braxton isn’t here anymore. Virgil’s first hundred. One hundred days and I ask what I should be doing. My whole damn existence, it seems I do one thing. Well, that’s a lie; what am I always saying? Endure and Survive. Games. I miss gaming. And yesterday, I talked about cheating when it comes to reading. Fuck! Pardon my language, but life is hard. Promise, I’ll stop… the sexual innuendos…

Yet I’m always hard, horny, and humping. Can I stick with dirty? But as for the fighting, Madam. I’m so tired of fighting. Or at least that’s what I want to believe now. Not true. Madam Justice, I’m tired of fighting everyone, everything, everywhere. Instead of the real enemy. Looking at me now, you can see what I’m fighting. Inevitably why? Because I couldn’t stand up at the Day Job? Humiliations Galore. A day without them? My dear Madam Justice. Every day I play by the rules, and what does it get me? Is it too much to ask to do a job and come back? Or maybe I don’t understand the rules of this game. Hell! 365 days Madam. Still, I rather not play.

Well, I don’t want to lose, would be more accurate. And by the way, who’s keeping score anyway? One more reason I’m into audiobooks. People are winning; the world’s losing. At least I’m not throwing dirt in anyone’s eye… Putting them in the ground. Lying! Braxton is still gone. My player two, my sidekick. And somehow, I wanted Virgil to be my navigator, of course. But he’s in Braxton’s Room. Again one hundred days Madam. Where are we? There is no we? It’s me being dirty yet again. Cheating my way through this game that’s called life. I exist. I don’t know how to win. Even wanting to win someday? Madam, what’s your take? I know love’s not a prize. Sometimes You Gotta Fight Dirty

659 Days Without B III, Day 100 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will