Tag: Existence

Chronicle 325 ~The Race To B~

WillLeave a comment

I doubt I’m climbing the stairway to Heaven. You’ve seen my Day Job. If I had to live there or Hell… I’d rent out the Day Job and live in Hell. (From a movie). But I’m in no rush to go meeting boy. Well, I was yesterday, but I survived. The Race To B

Sunday, May 22, 2022

Chronicle 325 ~The Race To B~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so first things first, listen up. You should run faster to paradise… but no, not like that.

I know you’re glad this week’s over. And I swear, I’m surprised you even got to see it after yesterday. A reminder that the Day Job is not the sole harbinger of such Humiliations Galore. It can happen anytime, anywhere, anyway. Braxton is dead now. Sorry, but when the pain gets too great, you need to put it into the perspective of the very worst. B III is gone, and that beats what happened Saturday. Um, everything for 476 days. Even the fact that I was born? The regrets start early. Yeah right! That’s why you got up at around 7:00 AM, lazy ass. You’re not starting this week off too well, are you? Saturday takes the cake beating the Day Job. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Repairing the Heartbreak of Pet Loss Grief, C. Jeffrey
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I was in no hurry to conquer this list. If only you moved as fast as Braxton met death. Low! How about moving as fast as you did this AM to take a piss? Is that better? Um yeah. You could move as I did in the grocery store yesterday. Humiliations Galore! B III? Move like your father showed up, and you’re looking to swallow pills. Better meds, please. Act like you’re going to work every day, and you’ll have to see the ASM, the old guy, OK? What about this? You just saw a pair of tits, and you can’t wait to take your pants off to jerk off. I want you to move like you’re going to bed. Should help Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Healing Solutions for Pet Loss: Goodbye Is Not Forever
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And again, the B comment was uncalled for. Braxton fought his heart out. Tread carefully. Continue moving like you’re trying to find that woman to be Braxton’s mother one day. You should have the discipline to work on your novels. More like to publish several. Spend more time washing your sheets and not splooging all over them or doing nothing. Start reading again to retain what you learn, instead of one more crying fest inevitably. Show patience and restraint in not trying to get to the “next life” causing yourself pain. Finding your way to B is not a race. And unless some GQP fucktard shows up or you make a mistake, you have a life to live. Well, exist in. The Race To B.

Gospel 325 ~Must B Freeing Sometimes~

476 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

WillLeave a comment

Someone asked me… well, an AI asked me how I would like to wake up in the morning. I think it’s a toss-up between my son stepping on my head or, as Tyrion put it, a girl’s mouth wrapped around my… Anyway, reasons to get out of bed? “Rise To B Better”

Sunday, May 15, 2022

Chronicle 318 ~Rise To B Better~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Oops! The only way I could be better is with what, a trillion. But your lazy ass…

I shouldn’t be mean, but you’re thinking it too? The answer is “B.” The question, why do you rise? For me, all last week, it was this. B III wouldn’t forgive me ever. For you, it’s the fact that you’re not wearing any underwear, but we’ll get to that. Do you see what time it is? The beginnings of a brand new week, and the first thing to rise, besides “that,” is pain. I’ve said before I need to write down every reason I miss Braxton. When it’s not fear of the Day Job, pain, or your dick, it was Braxton. What better reason is there to rise. As the song goes, “I believe that love is the answer” Because with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Every day, I fail to rise to the occasion. Even when it comes to books. Though I continue to score that one thing. I remember THEY used to say on tests, if you don’t know, then mark C. No, the correct answer is B, yet Braxton is another test I failed, and you’ll remember. I rose to help him when he was dying. Oh, and here come the tears rising to my eyes now. Hell, I didn’t have to bother with rising at all. I could never sleep when Braxton was like that. A lie. If I hadn’t been enraged at the Day Job that Wednesday. And fighting for any bit of sleep to survive that Thursday. But B was at the vet Friday, and he was dead that Sunday.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Repairing the Heartbreak of Pet Loss Grief, C. Jeffrey
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Thinking of raising my son Braxton to Heaven or wherever. I forget Six Impossible Things. So why should you rise when I’ve condemned you to failure, Easy Like Sunday Morning? It’s right there in with #6. Be the man your son thinks you are. In a way, B was lucky. Dammit, that’s a sick thing to say, but you remember, you know the man he was/is, and you couldn’t ask for better. And this week, or at least this moment, you are worse. You are. A pair of breasts, your balls, staying awake in bed the whole day. What will you do now? Write books, make bucks, and become better. But the man in the mirror? Rise To B Better.

Gospel 318 ~Got Braxton At Home~

469 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s Mother’s Day, and I’m late getting mine a gift… I never knew Triple B’s furry mom, and again I’m late finding him a human mom. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget B’s two aunts. Both are moms. I’m always running around or away. “B A Little Faster.”

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But what is taking you so long? Today you couldn’t wait to get to the dinner table.

You sound like “The Man.” That’s what Braxton is, “The Man.” You have to keep saying “is,” you know. He’s out there. Or at least that’s what you’ve bought into for the foreseeable future. When you get the chance, you need to go over my dreams. Time enough at last? Ha! If anything, you are always late when it comes to everything. But the damnable Day Job. The things you are late for, if we start with today. Yeah, it’s Mother’s Day and your gift? What about the money you were supposed to send elsewhere? Conversation needed? Yeah, and not like it’s helping, but where’s your Cranberry juice? Cappuccino wanted. Now yeah, you can balk at me all you want, like with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One, of course, always goes by the quickest. Is there a lot to say about your dead B III? Braxton is the best man you know. Fifteen years, eleven months, and add on another 462 days for him. Every day there is another reason to miss him; To remember. And I know you won’t commit this to memory (sigh). How about this if you ever go back to Whisper and finish the books I laid out. 352 reasons to miss B III? You’ll keep that like you keep your fingers out of your ears. The last thing you need is to pay $175.00 to turn your ear into a Bukkake scene again. Okay, that’s an example of something you won’t say. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Now starting back at one: I read, run, and remember my son. As I was able to raise such a man as he. If you remember such a man as your B III? What does that say about you today? Today, I would like to say that you can’t be as bad as you think. B III loves you always… You believe that life moves way too fast, and in a way, that’s true enough. The gas station yesterday? Humiliations Galore! You run from battle. Think of it more as you run a step or two behind Braxton. That is why you fail. It’s your duty, privilege, honor, your fucking job to protect him. What are you running to? Meet him. B A Little Faster

Gospel 311 ~What’s A Mom, B~

462 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

WillLeave a comment

“Bad” things I’ve spent money on… pistol, porno, plenty of food (B was always hungry.) His Aunt, though, fixed him a cake so full he actually threw in the towel. I got gifts to buy with birthdays and a week to endure and survive. “Ways To B Bad”

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is it sad, mad, or bad that you aren’t as well? With mornings like this, right.

It’s sad that you didn’t participate in Camp NaNoWriMo last month, not a day. “For the First Time in Forever.” If you haven’t been listening to Succubus Lord, play Disney. Speaking of Disney, don’t forget to buy Braxton’s Aunt a little bit of each for her birthday on Star Wars Day. With all the reasons to be sad, what’s one more. The fact that you won’t be spending this one in front of the TV. Hell! Like Succubus Lord, you know the stories so well that you could listen and never be lost. “And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think?” I talk about not being lost, but you won’t listen to me. Makes me wonder why you woke up late. That and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because it’s mad to wake up to failure at the beginning of every week. Hell, it’s mad to get up at all some mornings. You don’t want to go sounding like Cherry now. B would never forgive me for that. I’ve said often enough he spent his life protecting me always. And as the song goes, “He Lives In You.” I swear three different Disney references. From Frozen, The Lion King, and (sigh) Star Wars. You’re trying hard not to forget your friends, or at least Yabbos you haven’t seen, with M Anime and Cherry. M Anime talks about “going soldier.” It’s madness that we all haven’t with life. One more reason you continue studying death. “Perpetually trapped… in a never-ending spiral.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Even knowing this is bad. But yeah, it was getting a little too cute. Either way, both get you into trouble, and it’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway. Last week’s lessons. Take Monday, for example. You shouldn’t wait so long to get help. The money spent… On that note, 20 X 52 is 1,040. You hate math. So honor B III without the food and treats? I’d ask you to lay off “adult entertainment,” but this week brings its “humiliations galore.” So while you’re getting gifts for Carolina. And imagining Cherry with nothing on, buy something… I don’t know what, but don’t give the Day Job this Day (sigh). Inevitable. You and Braxton, Bad Boys For Life. Ways To B Bad

Gospel 304 ~Will You Just B~

455 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

WillLeave a comment

If I wasn’t in so much pain right now, I wouldn’t leave this bed. Isn’t that exactly what got me into trouble in the first place? Lying here yesterday thinking I was doing myself a favor so I could “HEAR” the world around me. We’ll B Going Soon.

Sunday, April 24, 2022

Chronicle 297 ~We’ll B Going Soon~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, yet I leave you to suffer. I haven’t owed someone an apology like this since B III.

Because as the song goes, “’cause I’m still here.” At least the repercussions of my sins. Those have you suffering at this moment. What was it I said about putting things out into the universe? And now that I have, dammit, your world’s about to get a whole lot bigger. Now, of course, this is your call to make. Are you going to be like any Republican and hoard what wealth you have? Will you let people suffer? Helps that THEY don’t consider you a person, a man. Have you ever wondered why dragons would sit on heaps of gold forever? It didn’t help when Braxton was dying, and you were so fucking selfish. I wish I had been selfish yesterday. You’d be better off.

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone by Gary Kowalski
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But now you have to leave this bed and go to the store to fix my mistake. You’re not even sure you can, but you have to try. Even in this, you continue to be a miser because Walmart is what you know. You have a choice. With a thousand choices, you’ll see the sticker price. But a few hours ago, you were ready to go rushing off to a doctor. History repeats itself, you see. When B III was sick, you were anxious to get him to a vet, whatever the cost. But all you can think about is the sticker shock with your own well-being; hmm. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, right? Well, what’s the worst thing that could happen?

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Dale Carnegie talked about accepting the worst case, and after that, what do you have to worry about? The Tenth Man Rule talks about disagreeing when a decision’s been made. So your decision so far? After our conversation has ended, you’ll take a shower, go to the store, and return with what you need. What’s the worst thing? Terrifying? Inevitable? Death doesn’t frighten you. Pain is a deserved punishment for what happened to B III. Still, the way you’re feeling right now? I looked to comfort my friends instead of myself all last night. I did fight for you Friday, so the Day Job isn’t an issue. If I have any advice for you, stop putting yourself last. Six Impossible Things? We’ll B Going Soon.

Gospel 297 ~B Free Of Knowing~

448 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

WillLeave a comment

The thing to your left or right is your defense… To my left is a frame showing my son, the box with his remains and let’s not talk about the drawer beneath. There’s juice, meds, and some notes full of dirty things to my right. B-Side You That Counts.

Sunday, April 17, 2022

Chronicle 290 ~B-Side You That Counts~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and God, how you need to make it rain right now. I’m sorry I left you nothing.

There’s still a love for Braxton inside you always. But how was that brought out 441 days ago? To think of all the days you wish you could join him. Yeah, you woke up wishing. Pure selfishness that you’re only thinking about yourself. Again, as always. Your bum ear and whatever’s been going on since January. Yes, my fault, I know. And with this week? Like my predecessors, I don’t know what to tell you right now. Hell, in a few minutes? Pop pills, drink cranberry juice, and go back to bed? Yeah, that last one assumes you left it. No? For that, you would need good sense. Heart, and some fucking guts. Impossible hmm? There’s a whole damn list about oh Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Speaking of things not inside you. Didn’t I talk about a brunette, a pair of “Daisy Dukes,” and some dirty talk? I fucked up #4 of the list; fucking owe you lots of apologies. I’d say pardon my language if I thought you’d hear me. Oh no, you know what you’re hearing at this particular moment. I wouldn’t blame you if you did. To feel good for about how long? It would beat you vomiting all over the place. Yup, once upon a time, right? Looks like you got ahold of that pill after all for all the good it will do. You could be making yourself worse, putting all this into the universe. Then again, B III doesn’t get more dead. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone” by Gary Kowalski
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 004 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At least there was someone to share the burden when he was beside you. Those that were never meant for him and, in the end, what happened. Um, you don’t look a thing like Jesus. I know. Yet you promised him paradise, and with the books, you’re reading this week. Found it? Tell that to the girl in your bed. Oh yeah, that’s right, there’s no girl anywhere near here, right? From “When You Were Young” to “Pictures on My Phone,” you’re hopeless sigh. It doesn’t stop you from believing in “The Placebo Effect,” now does it? The juice beside you, the thought of more pills, chicken noodle soup. But it was always B III. The love of your little boy. B-Side You That Counts.

Gospel 290 ~Orange You Glad Braxton~

441 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 283 ~There B Zombies Here~

WillLeave a comment

We are The Walking Dead. But only for 11 seasons, and the books I’ve not read. And all the spinoffs. Hell, I’m willing to think about anything other than my father or my failures as a Daddy. To look after House, Home, and Health. There B Zombie Here.

Sunday, April 10, 2022

Chronicle 283 ~There B Zombies Here~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can afford to think about fountains and banging a brunette waitress. Seriously stay awake.

Better yet, you could try getting out of bed this morning. If I’m going to go through the trouble of buying Cranberry Juice for your “pain.” The least you can do is get up, hmm? And no, I don’t mean like that. I wonder if you’ll still be thinking about a particular waitress afterward. Don’t get me wrong, it’s understandable you thinking about angels. Only, so one said, that when you’re in Hell, only the Devil can help you out. (Hears all the succubi shout out at once) “Lucifer.” Yeah, you’re starting Succubus Lord 13 today or rather yesterday. Only you know your Devil’s name (sigh), and where is guardian angel, oh Braxton, my Braxton? Is he making room for you doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Amazing Afterlife of Animals by Karen A. Anderson
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 034 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 041 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And here you are, thinking you could survive a zombie apocalypse. You can’t get out of bed and walk downstairs to have this conversation today. We’ll see in forty minutes? What about the obstacle coming your way today? If your father comes by, you’re fucked. If he doesn’t, you still have no idea what’s going on. All that water pouring into the dirt right now. That isn’t the only thing you wish was hitting the ground, but I know you won’t do anything… dangerous words to utter. Your body is falling apart as is. Do you think B III said, “give it a year?” As much as you want to say you didn’t kill him, you did. And being without him or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Animal Afterlife: In Their Own Words by Leta Worthington
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 041 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

This isn’t what they call living or even existing, “right?” With all the people, the GOP gets killed… to sacrifice your life for one more deserving. The only one you would die for? Braxton beat you to it. And because of me, as the song goes, you’ll sing out “I’m Still Here,” but for what reason? If you listed everything that was wrong with you. Fuck, you could ignore it, right? But that’s not good advice: forget what you know to be the truth. Like sometimes, cursing is beneath you. It’s better to get it out of the way before your father comes if he does. With your fear of him, you’re The Walking Dead. Better than a gross, grieving grunter. There B Zombies Here

Gospel 283 ~What If Braxton Did~

434 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

WillLeave a comment

Well, one more Existence Day down, and unfortunately *AHEM* Spotify, Mensa, Hulu, and Adam &Eve remembered. The good news about being with me is I’m not one for celebrations besides Star Wars Day. “The Will To Exist,” I get Star Wars, but why me

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

Gospel 069 ~The Will To Exist~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and may the world forgive me for my selfishness. More to the point, may you forgive me, My Love. As Will Smith put it, “I’m being the best lover and friend. Am I being the best daddy I can.” Is that all I’m going on, these 36 years? I’m not regretting a moment of it. Still lying here beside you and her. Hell or sitting in my bed with my sleeping firstborn as usual. I can’t help but ponder the man I am, and I don’t mean only surviving my day-to-day.

I want to be real with who I am and again, being here at this moment shows me that you see. Now I didn’t become the man that you could love, I’m the man that you decided to love. Does that make any sense? A friend told me to compromise who I am for love. I’m not Wayne Brady. I’ve been talking about listening more to black men I like but back to my point. Anyway, he made a list, “The List,” of everything he wanted in a woman. You’re everything I hoped for. You’re everything I need.” Yes, with my music, I know Love. Somehow I’ve never gotten to what I want in myself. I know I want, like everything, I want lots of love and little ones, but what of the man inside. I’ve always hated yesterday until, hell, I don’t know. My parents weren’t happy I arrived, nobody else either but you, baby doll, that I exist.

You’re mine, and I am yours always, that makes us happy. I’ve never agreed with those people who said you have to love yourself first. You have to be in harmony with who you are. I found peace with you. Baby Girl, I’ll note millions of reasons with us. I know it to live hm. Is it only a Billionaire status… of course, living the dream. I can think back of a time when lying in bed, hoping I didn’t get humiliated at the Day Job, was as good as it gets. I was without direction, without purpose. My Mom would tell me I would find my way… another song.

How about a few like Chasing Cars, “if I lay here,” add in some U2 “With or without you.” Martin Luther King Jr. could be right about a man having nothing to die for, maybe.

“If a man hasn’t found something he will die for, he isn’t fit to live.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Still The Will To Exist…

I Will Have No Fear

Log 352 ~She Never Existed, Willie~

WillLeave a comment

My Olds gave me more time than I deserved before they kicked me out. My son was blessed with my good patience. Women though, talk about twenty seconds, I always find out the ending has come late at night ha. “She Never Existed, Willie”

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Log 352 ~She Never Existed, Willie~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which is only one more thing I want to breathe into existence. MILF Dos never existed, and today or yesterday (Time-Travel, remember). So too, our FINAL connection. Now that’s a lie. While I’m all about revealing my secrets, I do keep some and hers as well. Inspector, I’m not a bad man. Hell Inspector Echo, I never mean to be ever. Still the fact that I’m sitting here whining; that this whole week will be about, I don’t know. Why don’t I humiliate myself a lot more and try to help her if she needs it?

There hasn’t been a day yet, where I have written her off entirely. I’m like a puppy with a bone, well a boner, but I’m still on NO FAP. As for her, though, I would never erase or delete what I have, but she’s no longer on my phone… close enough. I’ve been talking about “The Nine” all this week, right. Here’s a story idea that’s more in Lady Sophia’s realm, Ghost Brothel… only a thought, Inspector Echo. Speaking of having any semblance of those, MILF Dos is still hard to talk about, so why continue? I’ve been sitting here procrastinating with all manner of things. As always, I’ve never been a typical porn guy, I need an emotional aspect. It’s one of the reasons I FEEL for Whitney Wright in PROM NIGHT. The fact that it’s been so hard to read Too Late By Colleen Hoover at all Inspector.

Yeah, freak her out more but mentioning the L word. Yes, I lusted after MILF Dos, but it was more than seeing her. She was my friend Inspector Echo, and Now you’re just somebody that I used to know. Only that’s the part that hurts the most. There was not even goodbye. Of the NINE, I’m seeing a score of four and four. Four of them blocked me, and four either disappeared, or I don’t talk to. The Harmonic War looked me up on Instagram but has been pretty silent. If MILF Dos had asked me to stop, would I have… YES. So why am I debating whether or not to try one last time? Goodbye is one of the best words. I understand why men pay women, but what is MILF Dos to me right now, friend, memory, hard-on?

Two words, one, zero, now three, “SHE NEVER EXISTED, Willie?”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

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I won’t take credit for this rule or a lot of them to be sure, but this one is a fundamental concept when it comes to being online, and at least I know the law, the rules unlike some in our government. “If It Exists, There’s Porn”

Monday, May 28, 2018

Lesson 331 ~If It Exists, There’s Porn~

Thirty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, even as I sit here and reiterate one of the fundamental rules that guide the Internet; I can only still estimate what brought about my fear, but my introduction to this concept was “Tenchi Muyo!” and movie channels.

One can only imagine who came up with this rule, indeed how do I come up with mine Two Hundred And Forty-Six and you know the plan is Three Hundred And Sixty-Five but this single rule governs many men. You know I have been working on my poetry compilation and every girl who made that list some time ago has porn online albeit a few fakes, but you would think that some of the actresses would crack down on this maybe. I’ve seen designers upset that game girls are used in such ways but again nobody honestly stops it and with how the government has been cracking down on escorts and brothels recently… does that offend you more than dead children, hell nearly everybody nowadays.

We are all trying to live in a fantasy because the real world; I don’t know anymore but I’ll admit, I’m a slave to it myself. Here I haven’t watched one episode of “Game Of Thrones,” but I have at least three actresses in what “Cherry” calls my spank bank, Pinterest. Before you shoot me; a dirty look, check out all the girls, cosplayers, “Killer And A Sweet Thang” anime, movies, Cherry herself. I’ve even had a mom send me a naked picture, any woman that says she doesn’t want someone to find her attractive physically is a liar but “#metoo.” If I told you half the things I’ve looked up from Sunday to now, my what you would think, the lesser being those girls from “Detroit: Become Human” Kara and North, coming soon possibly.

Maybe the real world has become nothing more than one big porno or at least a strip club and like everything else we want to record it, HD, CG, 3D, hell IMAX and if it’s between sex and death I will choose the former. In both, the stakes keep getting bigger though because nobody wants the rule of law, the rules, and you know what kind of guy I am Madam Justice, people make me worse because I don’t hide but I should I think.

Sometimes at least and I take my sickest, vilest, most depraved and perverted desires and lock them away but if you ask me I’m an open book, free and open Internet for everybody but still If It Exists, There’s Porn.

I Will Have No Fear