Tag: Silence

Grave Vocabulary

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Words hurt, words kill, on one hand, I’m not one for politics or religion, some words though do damage on a more personal level I suppose, sometimes I wish we were more like the people of Pontypool. Grave Vocabulary

And we all fall down

from the graduate to the class clown
What defines us, is the letters
which fair
no better when we put them together

to allow a king his crown
or any man to speak for God
Feel it coming in the air
tonight, every sin, how we are flawed

Not friend, not lover, or a victor, no noun
Enemy, fiancé, target, mutt
Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally, we’re all scared
But we shut up

when the new girl in town
wants us to believe
she’ll be the last beautiful girl, anywhere.
Please, please, please, it’s a disease

this vanity that somehow
people still ask why
hateful words are all we have to share
Do you think God is listening on high

until he can no longer grin and bear
because I’m already there

Copyright © 2017, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved

Lesson 042 ~Lost in The Translation~

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The English language is weird, maybe all language is in general and nobody hears the same thing at least when it truly matters to them. Lost in The Translation or I’d probably be in even more trouble than the usual.

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Lesson 042 ~Lost in The Translation~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, and no genius either but sometimes I feel damn near erudite when it comes to what others talk about. That being said, I’m still the caveman, well the cave dweller since I haven’t been out for a while and I can’t say I miss the grunting, I rather enjoy the silence that can’t last forever.

One of the managers said I need to speak up more, to be more like them, okay maybe not that second part but that would just be me pretending again. I must never forget that while I am trying to speak more, I won’t let myself become one of those people who just utters a pile of gibberish just to make myself heard. As I’ve said before I may not know who I am, but I know what I don’t want to be, yeah I refuse to speak idiot or just plain loud like them.

Then again do I sound like an idiot to you… I know some people think as such but with every comment that I receive, it’s probably the lack of punctuation that bothers me the least. How about my atrocious hand writing, here I go again Luna putting words in their mouths, the last comment I got was small and why didn’t I just take it as small, it’s the translation. Today’s lesson, another manager told me that perception is reality and I hate that because what does that say about me on any given day.

I told you before that silence is my native tongue and to others that must make me shy, meek, nobody and when they learn… I suppose we all learn but it starts with what they say vs. what we hear, the language of us right?

“HE DIDN’T FALL? INCONCEIVABLE.

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” – The Princess Bride (1987)

This is how my day began, you see if you tell most girls that they were the first thing on your mind well… three examples, “Indiana Gone” would be thrilled, Luna you were second but you don’t care do you, and of course, you know who was first big surprise.

So I was thinking about stilts… hear me out Luna, I was thinking in terms of high heels but after a bit of research I found that stilts in my mind wouldn’t be the same as in everybody else’s. I think I ruined a pretty good poem today though I did it anyway, what was it I said, I enjoy the silence, how about that it doesn’t matter what anybody thinks of me. Yeah but Luna I can’t buy all my own books can I, it damn sure better matter what people think of me, maybe not understand but a suitable translation of my writing.

Speaking of translation may be PetSmart should work on that or I’m just an idiot thinking the left hand should know what the right hand is doing, seems stupid that Braxton goes to the doctor and will get groomed in the same place and it’s like apples and oranges. Maybe I’m right to be as nervous as I am, especially considering this will be the first time I leave him in someone’s hands who isn’t “family” then again my father…

How about my conversation with “M Anime” one I really need to write these nicknames down and two I doubt anyone but me is going to get that name at all. She can’t read me nowhere near as well as Indiana Gone, and “Gospel Girl” still thinks I’m a good person and haven’t heard from “Okay” in a day or so. “Ms. Seasons” understood in a way and even if I wanted to say that I was taken out of context, I’m not President Trump.

I don’t speak idiot, I speak movies and music, sexual innuendos, BDSM, a web of obscenity and my mom never told me this but if you can’t say anything nice…

“How many languages do you speak?

Five, actually.

Well, I speak one… One Zero One Zero Zero. With that, I could steal your money, your secrets, your sexual fantasies, your whole life. Any country, any place, any time I want. We multitask like you breathe. I couldn’t think as slow as you if I tried.” – from The Core (2003)

Say what you mean and mean what you say but that’s all relative isn’t it and it gets worse when you can’t understand at all, sometimes Braxton looks at me, he has food, water, been outside, doesn’t appear to be in pain and he cries and I just tell him “no”. We don’t want to understand more to the point we want to hear what we think we already know and some language is universal.

“I don’t want people dead, Agent Valentine. I don’t put a gun to anybody’s head and make them shoot. But shooting is better for business. But, I prefer people to fire my guns and miss. Just as long as they are firing. Can I go now?” Lord of War (2005)

Violence by far is the easiest, okay Luna I know you didn’t sign up for philosophy 101 *snickers* but it tells the speaker one thing, the listener another, the bystanders, and it is all lost in the roar. Pain and horror, there is not one word that can make it better, not without action, even understanding is lost to the moment. How about a kiss, all the words in the world but sex, a kiss, a hug, holding hands, that silence before and after, intimacy?

“Don’t speak
I know just what you’re saying
So please stop explaining
Don’t tell me cause it hurts
Don’t speak
I know what you’re thinking
I don’t need your reasons
Don’t tell me cause it hurts” – Don’t Speak, No Doubt

Even telling Braxton no, a lot I think I speak Braxton quite fluently but I have yet to meet the one person that can speak my language, I may think so and then they start talking but a few do try. How about speaking a woman’s language, why not try speaking French again, I sort of failed at both; I do not miss high school at all. Anyway didn’t we go over all of this before, with Gospel Girl I’ve been a gentlemen and even Indiana Gone likes me to be sweet sometimes but being honest, the truth hurts.

I’ve already admitted that silence scares me too sometimes, echoes in the past that warn me of my future, but anyway what have I learned today? Always look up words, another reason I don’t speak often, Wilt ‘The Stilt’ Chamberlain didn’t come to mind when I was writing and I’m lucky most of the things are Lost in The Translation.

Lesson 031 ~30 Days Without Incident~

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One month and really what has changed, hell this is a month I never expected to see and that started so many years ago and yet somehow I have survived and you have been here for the ride. “30 Days Without Incident” …

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Lesson 031 ~30 Days Without Incident~

Hey Lady Lu,
Thirty-one days but the last three nights have been, exhausting, to say the least, and to say the most would be endless screaming but I try to be more articulate than that. Okay, at least to you because I’m still working on the people thing, more to the point I’m still working on that myself thing but really what has this month been like, you don’t want to know but we’re here…

If we start with “the incident” that sent me running back to you, I haven’t heard a thing from “Ms. Seasons” but I’m keeping my ear to the ground, along with my eyes but we’ll get to that. I wish I could figure out am I ignoring her out of disgust, anger, or indifference, the fact that I’m keeping up with her you would think speaks volumes but bless the sound of silence. My resolve seems to be as strong as ever though, but I’m getting to that, I guess it means something too that I don’t have more to say about her at all.

As long as we’re going through a list of the people I’m not speaking with, how about everyone at work, I still hold faith in my conspiracy theory but if anything the typical overnights. Yesterday and today were probably the best I felt minus the exhaustion, hasn’t everyone wondered at some point what it would be like to be all alone in a store? The only thing that would have been better is if my stupid iPhone was acting right but several ideas for playlists if I buckle down honestly.

How is it when you don’t have something you want it, even more, only human right but suddenly I was in the mood to listen to my Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 playlist and Kenny Rogers meets Wyclef. Trust me you don’t want to be left alone with the thoughts in your own head, especially if you’re me right?

I’ve still been avoiding my neighbor when it comes to their dog; I’m not a Flash type of superhero, and while I talk about writings, wit, and wisdom, I’d rather just punch someone in the face. Makes me sound abusive especially when it comes to Braxton, but, A/C, a full food and water bowl, and plenty of comfy spots seems better than a bed of rocks and outside for hours.

Lady Lu I really do want to be the hero in this situation but I have been going back and forth on being the neighbor that wants to help and the neighbor who adopts. Maybe you can blame Braxton for that but if you think I have trouble talking to people… other than Braxton it seems my anxiety transcends species. If anything it points out how much I love animals because I wouldn’t know what to do with a baby either, I don’t even know my nephew, there’s no rush.

Braxton and I *sigh*, a part of me wants to say the circle of life is complete, I hate my father and now Braxton hates me, I wonder if my father is as clueless as I am as to why the anger and animosity between us always. Really Luna the only words that have left my mouth besides “I love you” which I always have and always will have been “No”, “Shut Up” and “that’s why you’re in trouble”, it’s been so many days already. This doesn’t count as an incident but more as a new development and if anything, I’m more concerned with the people I’ll have to talk to, just to know why.

Procrastination, fear, anxiety, pick a word, any word and I’ll just roll with it, that was my first idea to chat about today, the way people are always putting words in my mouth. Now here we are and I just wish I had some idea as to what to say or do; isn’t it strange from the moment you learn to talk you’re taught to shut up and listen only.

One day soon I’m going to have to remember all the reasons that I want to be a writer, just put them all down as a lesson. That’s another thing I was doing at work, thinking of ways to expand, I’m always expanding my reach but Moses was a king of the desert too, I mean post Egypt of course.

“What is an ocean but a multitude of drops?” – Adam Ewing, Cloud Atlas (2012)

There are too many prophets here Luna, as the song goes but each drop is unique, each serves a purpose or maybe that’s my OCD talking and personally, I don’t want to know my place or stay in it. Just informing you of upcoming, incidents, accidents, and mistakes, but for right now, other than being really late with this, I’m actually in a somewhat decent place. Nobody wants to hear that though except for maybe “Indiana Gone” if anything I’ll worry about what I’ll say tomorrow, I’ll be sad tomorrow.

Just because I’ve survived this month doesn’t mean I enjoyed it and isn’t that yet another problem with life, that it’s all some big accident; makes me think about holy folks, you know. To go with another song, every day is exactly the same and if anything, that means I will survive, okay damn my iPhone and the always running playlist within my mind. Maybe you’re hoping that I will see a miracle instead of the other shoe dropping. Only that’s truth, the other shoe has to drop, whether you’re lying on your back, taking the next step, or learning.

“There’s a saying – the pessimist looks down and hits his head. The optimist looks up and loses his footing. The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” – King Ezekiel, The Walking Dead 7×02

When it doesn’t that’s an incident, an accident, tripping, you fall and since I don’t think I’ll be flying anytime soon… the thing is I haven’t tripped or fallen, since landing flat on my face with Ms. Seasons. What I have learned today is that I want to adjust my path, which means taking my eyes off the ground, here’s to us Lady Lu and to 30 Days Without Incident.

Lesson 013 ~That’s What She Said~

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That’s what she said, no that’s what I said, and truth be told it hasn’t been doing anyone any favors, did I learn nothing from the sound of silence. That’s What She Said or not because I’m too much of a wuss to get her side.

Friday, July 14, 2017

Lesson 013 ~That’s What She Said~

Hey Lu,
I think this is part of the reason we get along so well because you don’t say anything and I know that sounds really bad but in my own personal experience, women talking to me *sigh*. For the record, though I find the joke “that’s what she said” to be pretty damn off putting, one of the reasons I hate going to work.

In “Living Single” Max told Kyle that he didn’t want a girlfriend but a therapist that’s good in bed, I think the whole concept of “GFE” cancels that out but really what do men want when talking to women. I got a friend and half the time we just mirror things back to one another you know how they say “great minds think alike” so you know back in my Saturday morning cartoons they would say “great minds think for themselves” but that is another story. I talk to you and don’t have to worry about you giving me bad advice, chances are I wouldn’t take it anyway, the things that none of us wants to hear am I right.

Which brings me back to work, they treat that joke “that’s what she said” as the end all be all joke, I swear I just want to go all Wesley from Wanted and don’t get me wrong, men can be just as stupid seeing as how it’s a male coworker that always says this. You know I think often about having the answers to life’s questions, but praise the sounds of silence you know. Maybe that’s why the kiss was invented some women and men have some semblance of a chance at keeping the human race going, without screwing up.

“if she’s in the mood to f**k you, shut up and let it happen.” – Chris Rock, Bigger & Blacker

Sometimes I talk too much and I definitely type too much nowadays which is why I got into trouble in the first place… On the other side of the line, women are always talking about being so clear and at the same time men are expected to read between the lines, how do we survive?

Correct me if I’m wrong Lady Lu but I think yesterday was the first talk we had where I didn’t mention “the incident” to be fair I haven’t even gone back to reread what she said again. Now I want to scream that’s a problem but that it’s also the solution but how did they do it back in the old days, you know when not a word need be spoken?

I often talk about having an ulterior motive and then she was so clear but what if I had been someone else, anyone else, would the words have really mattered? Isn’t that just it, when I gave the flowery words to guys for their women, they couldn’t get enough but then I could never do that for myself could I. Skeevy words and yet people will drink, do drugs, and the like and lie to themselves about what makes them do the things they do and sadly I’m no better, a liar, I’m telling you that’s what she said.

Some other girl probably and even today, some women I just ignore, some words are filler and why do I want to hide from the truth but like “The X-Files” the truth is out there. I use to say I don’t want to be a liar, but society deems that we all must, this is the world we live in and eventually, we might evolve past this but I have never gotten that far. In all the erotica I have ever read, the relationships are built on lies and even in the fairy tales that end with happily ever after or in erotica’s case either in bed or with the end of The Graduate, that what did we do look.

I was a nice guy when I never talked to her but the moment she becomes let’s say unrepressed and I say what I said, suddenly I’m skeevy. The moment I saw her as a woman and not just someone, Luna I ask you why does any man want a woman and yes I know this already sounds bad but let’s go with our biology.

“I have four words for you: Listen to the Woman.” White Men Can’t Jump (1992)

Like you Luna, considering you are a figment of my imagination and personally I rather sleep but the reason that you’re here is that while I can’t hear you, I know you want to be here. It’s primal nature and I’m afraid I spoiled some of that today but listening to women and really hearing them is two different things.

I’m not trying to psychoanalyze anyone but it really says something about a woman who is suddenly uncommitted and gets tattoos, her nipples pierced, goes to nude beaches, and everything else, this being the thirteenth lesson, I’m not scared of feminist finding me. What about a woman who asks your opinions on clothes, wear’s stuff that you like, takes up your fandoms and buys you props for them? How about another woman who starts out on your couch, activity flirts with you about a certain lifestyle, and ends up in your bed but stops you right at the cusp hmm?

Even Disney Lu, remember Ariel who gave up her voice for legs, a woman that gives up talking for something physical and then a man that talks too much. How about Merida from Brave when she saw the last man who she thought was a suitor, she responded not as some independent princess but like any other woman. In the end, it doesn’t come down to he said she said, but simply the physical though some men are more equal than others and some women while condemning men in every shape and form only condemn our species, why do you think “Realdoll” even exist today.
“We married wonder women. Supergirls. Amazon queens. Well, you know what that makes us?

Smart, worthy, lucky.

We’re the wuss. The wind beneath your wings. Your support system. We’re the girl. And we don’t like it.” The Stepford Wives (2004)

So I ask what did she say and what did I say and in the end does it really matter, what matters is somebody you can enjoy the silence with, somebody that you don’t need the words with and if you choose to have them let them be true or at least better, what about somebody that doesn’t kill you in your sleep. If anything I just want “I love you” not to be a joke no I want to look at the world and say That’s What She Said.

Try and Love the Air

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She won’t know that I’m there… sounds a bit creepy but I mean she won’t notice the real me because the things I want don’t make for polite conversation or work when she actually wants me. Try and Love the Air… or is it better not to be shy?

See Me Here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LhuxJTYiKA

Almost, maybe, not so shy
Shall I tell you this time?
How beautiful, how wonderful, hot, sexy, fine?
Yeah if you were mine
“Umm you know I…”

Well I’m still breathing *sigh*
I watch you walk away again today
You always take my breath away
Is that why I can’t ask you to stay
Dream lover, I close my eyes

Just thinking, someday I’m going to be that guy
“And”, you heard me… don’t say I love you
Zoning out… can I tell you the truth
Maybe you would love me like you do
Insanity but everyone says hi
Now, I guess I’ll have to try
Either I’ll be alone or my, my, my

Someday… “morning”, “hi”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Oh my God!”
A bit from the Marquis de Sade
Silence sounds better that goodbye

So I keep it all locked up inside, the shy guy, the nice guy, my art of getting by

Copyright © 2015 Second Circle Creations, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.

Inspired By: Princess Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca… Final Fantasy XII, Lenny Kravitz “Again”, Bobby Darin “Dream Lover”, Simple Plan “I’d Do Anything”, Enemy At The Gates (2001), Ellie Goulding “Love Me Like You Do” Fifty Shades of Grey Soundtrack, Young Beautiful in a Hurry ft. Fyfe Monroe “Everyone Says Hi”, (David Bowie Cover), Jimmy Cliff “Many Rivers To Cross”, Johnny Gill “My, My, My”, Sugar Ray “Someday”, “Morning Hi” by Will Bradford Jr, Marquis de Sade, and “The Art of Getting By” (2011)