Author: Will

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

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Do whatever you have to and I know I’m nowhere near polite with my writing but it is my passion, it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life for a variety of reasons, most I’m still attempting to WRITE out. “Passion The Will To Win”

Monday, July 09, 2018

Episode 008 ~Passion The WILL To Win~

Fortieth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to stay here as the song goes, I’m still at the library writing and talking to you when usually I would be at the house asleep by now, of course, this hasn’t been the perfect day, anywhere near but I’m up. Not in that way, not anymore besides what happened at the house and then going to work, speaking of work there is no passion there only the need I suppose to survive one more day.

No Madam Justice writing is my passion, and my name is Will, now if I stopped thinking with my willy and get some work done which is one more reason I’ve switched locations because I keep my hands on my keyboard. The question is will I win and I have to believe that I will, the first sign of passion is that you are willing to do whatever you “love” for free and not to toot my own horn only the words have flown for how long? Now if I could take this philosophy to every other aspect of my life, you know like have a passion for standing up for myself, perhaps to get the girl and one more?

How about the passion that I carry for all of my fandoms, I’m pretty damn loyal to “The Walking Dead,” “Detroit: Become Human,” “Into The Badlands” and plenty of other things. Of course, you’ll bring up women; I remember years ago I wasn’t passionate enough about my damn name, but when that rage bubbled up, I wrote a pretty long rant about my job, and things changed. I would say I won but what happened today… brunettes are but one more clue that life, in general, doesn’t give me anything but the passion for being somebody, for being better that is what gives me the drive I need to do something in my life honestly.

I’ll have plenty of time to write about it today, that’s right I should be well on my way because while I may have already screwed up my six impossible things, winning five of them is something, but I need to win them all, All I Do Is Win. That’s passion, for being the best at everything that I want to do because the life I’m living now… most days I wonder why I’m getting up truthfully, From Now On, Passion The Will To Win.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

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The first post of year two and I have to start off with failure; I feel somewhat like I fell off the wagon but let my new addiction be my words with the life I want to make perhaps reshaping my Matrix as it were. “Whenever You’re Ready Neo”

Sunday, July 8, 2018

Episode 007 ~Whenever You’re Ready Neo~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason for failure; there isn’t one, now regret, disappointment, Idiocracy sure but if there is one thing I’m sure of is that you’re lazy but each week is the same thing though this one was particularly difficult. You should be in a more positive mindset I’m sure, something you should focus on but I can’t fault you for feeling the way you do, high hopes.

This week looks promising, and you’re even working in the library though if this went as well as yesterday; you didn’t go to the movies though, and you need to keep fighting that feeling especially now. Would it help to get rid of all the stress *sigh* thought you already did that but there was nothing there waiting for you other than release and now a fight uphill since you gave into temptation. Now you’re not Neo, okay I’ll stop with the negative, and that’s a promise, but we have to go ahead and get the facts out of the way, those six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 120**) (Day 001)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
Failed
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least
(Total 15,400) Completed (17,010)

You know how you’re feeling you don’t have to say, but this week you have the opportunity to put a real dent in your writing, the dog is off punishment, for now, and the fact that, you know who didn’t show up; if anything that’s a win. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I have no real advice to share or I’m only wanting to be a man of my word and that’s never a bad thing. Don’t look at these as bad things. Honestly, I’m going to start sounding like one of those motivational speeches soon, but the truth is the truth you can’t fight it, these six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Visit The Library The Entire Week
4. I Will Complete 50% Of “Legacy of Succession” by Anna Edwards
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Nine Thousand Words Minimum
(Total 24,400)

Do you see how we’re upping the ante because you know you’re better than this, your dog thinks you’re the best thing ever and last week didn’t we discuss what you’re doing this all for and if you have what it takes to do it for work, then why not this? I don’t want to say anything that sounds cliché; save the brain cells for the writing… yeah you know I truly wanted to say something right there, don’t you?

Maybe we should start calling the six impossible things promises, would that help, or work directives. What you genuinely need is a Morpheus for when you finally decide to start getting some things done you know Whenever You’re Ready Neo.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 006 ~My Number’s Up, Again~

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I got lucky once, but I won’t dodge a bullet the second time and how I tend to count on so much or more like the times I’ve seen disappointment to be sure but I’m far from zero to be sure. My Number’s Up, Again

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Episode 006 ~My Number’s Up, Again~

Hey Lady Lu,
Give Me One Reason not to die though I feel that way regularly, not precisely suicidal; there was a time though I got a speeding ticket and I had no money and figured I only had three weeks to live; life or death how it always is with my father just saying.

Fifteen Hundred words, it took me so much time last night because of all the pretty girls, but I’m still hanging in there, “No Fap” and all, Day 119 and counting but today aren’t I suppose to do five thousand words? Am I giving up, am I making excuses, and I going to say that I won’t do it, I could go back to sleep of course and there it is, I could, between talking to you, writing that review on The First Purge, etc. Talk about being at a loss for speech because there is nothing I can say, keep writing and then asking myself what for, would I find myself published the week after next maybe a millionaire?

Forty-Six dollars is forty-six dollars, and already that’s gone, I figure I’ll go to the bank anyway because I have to find some way to keep the blog afloat and remember when I started it only took around eighty bucks. It’s also not helping that I’m thinking of some retail therapy, not to sound like a sexist but if sex is such a taboo subject, I can see why women are always buying stuff… coping.

Twelve hours, six-hour shifts, two days, I dodged one bullet when it came to working in shoes, but I won’t get so lucky this time, cleaning, what did I say yesterday about being illiterate because I don’t understand what I’m doing. What about the concept of “I’ll think about it” translating to my dumbass boss as “he’ll do it” dammit Lady Luna clearly like my father. If I were doing any writing you would think I’d write more black men as villains instead of somewhat anti-heroes, remember who the real enemy is, here I am a black man, and I can’t stand MOST black people.

“… but the truth is that I dislike most men as much as I dislike women. If anything, I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Now none of these numbers will honestly kill me, well at least I shouldn’t feel that way but you know “Anxiety” but that sounds like an excuse, and I have a million of them. Now yes I was doomed on day one (but it’s only July) *sigh* I’ve got to use my imagination to show why My Number’s Up… Again.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

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Every day the writing gets worse, either on my screen, on my face, on my sleeve, wherever as they say to write all you need to do is bleed and considering the pain these past few days. “Leave It To The Printer”

Friday, July 6, 2018

Episode 005 ~Leave It To Printer~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Give Me One Reason to write it, one reason not to; aren’t I always asking for reasons to be a writer, in middle school other than that story about turkeys I had my head buried in a book, nowadays it’s earphones. I also say I can never speak my mind; I’m always laughing, smiling, making some random noise because everybody has a story and I don’t want to read it or maybe I’m illiterate when it comes to people even in writing.

Of course, the killers in my latest novels are reflections of myself but why is it that everyone in my life can either, see my humiliation and my fear, and they speak it so the whole damn world can hear. Two, they think they have the right to write out my story, my destiny in their fairytales like The Adjustment Bureau and since there is no chairperson to be had? Three they don’t want the story to end, no more like I’m a joke but once you have the punchline there is no more fun, and that leaves me here broken, and if anything, I should be working on my story and not contemplating contacting HR again, for hurt feelings.

Excuse me Lady Sophia for repeating past mistakes; I do take responsibility I do put myself out there and let my critics eat me alive in case you were wondering why I’m so into the undead, in horror; killers for the most part work alone, but I face an army. I already said before I write these stories about how I think people should be then I live and I’m wrong on all counts and so what I write becomes well… “STUPID” and even now I can’t tell you the whole story. No, I leave that to my fiction, and nobody sees that either, but I was listening to motivational speakers all morning, and I don’t fear failure, I dread returning to my day job every day and being everything they want me to be.

If anything shouldn’t that be enough to give the printer whatever remains of me, hell shouldn’t I buy a new printer anyway, as always I need to take my writing more seriously instead of worrying about the blog amongst other things. Paper makes plenty of noise Lady Sophia, and with plenty of green, I still don’t know how to look at people or what will be their next fairytale, but all I am, my next novel Leave It To Printer.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

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While I never thought about being a wrestler, there was a time I was a big fan, and a part of me still is apparently, but I need more than a picture and more than a thousand words on most days. Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions, distracting.

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Episode 004 ~Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Give Me One Reason to keep liking brunettes, girls with dark hair or crazy bright: Bayley, AJ Lee, Paige, Ronda Rousey, Askua, please stop me before I get into another porn downloading session. Don’t worry I’m still practicing No Fap, Day 117 and counting but it’s hard, it’s stressful, and considering how pissed I’ve been at “people” lately no wonder a girl like Alexa Bliss has caught my eye for the time being; what do they say, blondes have more fun.

Don’t remember the last time that I had fun, being on my back most days which only continues to push me towards the likes of Alexa and I can’t say I usually have a thing for athletic girls, but that’s because I hate most sports and wrestling doesn’t have cheerleaders. Why do I watch some of the Olympics again… though it isn’t cool to think about those Olympians like that with all the scandal only in this day and age it isn’t okay to think of most women like that unless you’re rich, a fellow victim or a convict. Hair color does not make the woman but since high school, I’ve had a type, and I’m starting to think I chose wrong, don’t judge girls by the color of their roots because in the end as the song goes… we’re all the same color when you turn out the lights.

“We’re all the same color when you turn out the lights” Fredro Starr, True Colors

What about words though Dirty Diana, I’m still working on “Apocalypse Rush” (Working Title) and already we’ve had gangbangs, kidnappings, and blood galore, but which do you think will bother people more, words like “cum dumpster,” interracial sex, or redrum? How about the Man In The Mirror, I’m no cover boy, no pin-up, and sadly the content of my novel doesn’t bother me. Instead, it’s the quality and how about the fact I have so many unpublished stories already. I would show you an excerpt, but character names need some alterations, you know inspiration, Angie Griffin, Alexa Bliss, the age-old question of blonde or brunette or redheads “courtwithconfidence” just saying.

I could name more but as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words and truth be told I need around fifteen hundred for my novel today, so this evening hopefully I’ll be facing black and white aplenty and not Pin Ups, Falls, Submissions.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

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Independence Day when even the freedom to be yourself can burn you, or you freeze in fear, Land of the Free, Home of the Brave indeed but I’m not a political type of guy but hey neither is Trump, issues. To Hell With Independence.

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Episode 003 ~To Hell With Independence~

Forgive Me Echo,
Give Me One Reason to stay here, how about my dog is comfortable, I didn’t get to sleep until three in the morning truthfully, or The First Purge is closer than you think; been there saw that. How about to Hell, have you never seen it, felt it, known it, I was there last night because as I told “Indiana Gone” Hell is repetition, and so you Put One Foot In Front Of The Other and leave.

Not all those who wander are lost.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

You see my sin here is that if we honestly wanted freedom and independence, why by my free will is a place like Hell permitted to exist, I’m talking about the shame I felt yesterday, tears cascading down my face did nothing to quench my thirst. How the blood boils and what about a witch’s brew the things that one can conjure in a man, now isn’t that a story idea? People in Hell want ice water and release but none was to be found, while I was busy writing before the new day’s sun there was desire burning desire, Alexa Bliss if I am to be specific, and talk about anger… I missed Smackdown.

Hell can also be isolation, in an attempt to escape my shame, my guilt, and most dire is the fear, when you don’t know anything and at the same time everything, the man in the mirror, on the page, right in front of them and you might as well be one of The Walking Dead. There are the days I feel so cold that I can’t help but stay in bed wrapped up, waiting for that fire of other people’s madness to force me from the house, only so I’ll freeze in terror. It’s when my eyelids feel so heavy from the tears that I don’t shed or that my life all these years is stuck, or maybe like when I was a kid taking swimming lessons, and I never got anywhere, but somehow I was able to keep breathing.

Moving because of fear is not freedom, standing because I believe I have no choice is not free will and living because someone else permits it is not independence, and then I ask myself do I want to be free? Forgive me Inspector Echo that I don’t want the answer to that question either though I have yearned for that one true freedom only if there is a God that’s one thing, there is a Hell, and I burn, I freeze, To Hell With Independence.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

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If the love given to me is ordinary I would instead value weird as everything, love isn’t meant to be ordinary, and if life in misery in ordinary than there is nothing worse, I want a different girl a strange type of woman. “Do I Miss Ordinary.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Episode 002 ~Do I Miss Ordinary~

Dear Future Wife,
Give Me One Reason to, and I would be lying if I said I have known ever fear and have found myself victorious because as much as I promise I’m Never Going Back Again I have days like today where I remember. Did I dare dream that once upon a time you were Just Another girl like the rest of them, you scared me like them, you could have been boring *gasp* and talk about twenty seconds of insane courage, my love.

Ordinary is sitting there watching them laughing at me, girls and maybe one day I’ll grow up and stop calling you all girls, I might not be a scared little boy. If anything I can’t call myself ordinary because you are Extraordinary. You deserve better from me. First I couldn’t look at ordinary anymore, but when it presented itself, with whispers and laughs, I wish I could say I didn’t waste my time, no if I couldn’t tell ordinary, to go to Hell how could I possibly be worthy of someone like you. I know I’m no prince to slay dragons though so many trials and tribulations and when I found you, so much for mediocre, or what was ordinary.

A girl is capable of making a man do the impossible, a good girl, even more, a woman, princess, queen, empress, goddess, shall I continue you made me capable of everything and anything. You made me let go of my hate today, as I said today I saw again who I was so long ago, even now I feel so pathetic and weak, and I didn’t know if my rage would consume me or my tears would drown me but being the person you are… The fact that I can never escape you and you don’t wish to be free from me, if it wasn’t my hate of them it was for myself, god my love for you transcends that of myself, but the fact remains I love myself, and that will never be ordinary.

I’m sure the dog misses his spot… he still gets bed space only a little less thankfully he is small, I miss the day like today where I could scream and yell at someone, I miss hate, I miss indifference, all ordinary and it shouldn’t be, it shouldn’t have been. Ordinary is me being a jester instead of a king; we can’t be ordinary; baby girl this is No Ordinary Love. Do I Miss Ordinary?

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

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The first post of the next 365 Days, has anybody said NO yet, well probably my mind between work and having something to say that hopefully won’t get me kicked out, banned, or arrested, where is the line? Whose Right To Censor You

Monday, June 25, 2018

Episode 001 ~Whose Right To Censor You~

Thirty-Ninth Rule Madam Justice

Give Me One Reason to keep my mouth shut, trust me I say some pretty nasty, vile, demented, perverted, depraved… I could continue, but I would eventually end with stupid or skeevy; and a happy new year to you too. Even when I’m sweet, I often end up as creepy, and since people will believe and hear whatever they want, what’s wrong with The Sound Of Silence I ask, instead of the visible title honestly.

I should start by taking responsibility but it’s hard Madam Justice, I don’t mean to get all political at the start of the new year but when the “PRESIDENT” of the United States of America can say such horrible things, and I call a girl beautiful… I came up with a new “Rule 290: Apparently, Models Do Have Standards,” and I know what’s past is past but calling a girl a Brazzers or Reality Kings model is different than let’s say… hell if I know Victoria’s Secret, Maxim, Playboy, I like beautiful women. The thing is again that’s against the law unless you have money, a handsome face, the confidence, or the intelligence which is telling me to say nothing.

Even with my writing, how many people have asked me what I write about and I can’t tell them because, well I would go Fahrenheit 451 on my work, but I would fight to defend others without a second thought. I thought this was America am I right so why must I censor myself, and maybe that’s why my current novel is all about fire, the things you realize or am I In Too Deep. No wonder I hate myself more often than not, like something out of Jumanji wanting to avoid not being my father and when in reality I hold my tongue and avoid speaking my mind because I don’t want to scare anybody including my little boy.

One man told me I was stupid and to shut up, a girl told me I was creepy, another said I was skeevy, another two said I’m great, but they don’t truly understand; shall I let the whole damn world stomp on my face? What about God, I take pride that I don’t need other people’s imaginary friend to tell me not to lie, cheat, steal, and murder but I can’t even talk about it, write about it, or picture it, worth a thousand words.

Anyway the answer is no one has the right, and yet at this moment in time I am breaking this rule; what would I write if I know I would be read, what would I say if I had no fear, I’m my judge, jury, and executioner and I burn; Whose Right To Censor You?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

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365 days one whole year, over 120,000 words, enough for a novel, two with “NaNoWriMo” and what was it all for, there is no excuse, and the reason other than I was mad at some girl sounds stupid and petty… a new year. The Reason Is You.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Lesson 365 ~The Reason Is You~

To Will:
Give Me One Reason; it’s repeated time after time why you began talking to Lady Luna, talking to all the other ladies, and talking to yourself, just not out loud anymore; right? Crazy, obsession is as much a reason as any brunette or wanting to make a million excuses, how about feeling better, a year of life in these words there is no excuse there are only reasons.

The first cannot be denied, feeling shame and guilt for all that was done and preparing for what you knew was to come and when it did, as they say, those who don’t learn from history; there are reasons you don’t edit your work and a purpose not looking back. It’s sort like that movie “50 First Dates” only most of my days are best forgotten, you see most of these days are only prattle or repeated lessons, but no stupid bitch, no amount of anger, confusion, doubt, fear whatever has stopped you. Dare I say you’re a better man despite the failures or should I sound like one of those motivational speeches, there is no failure, but then again you have six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 106** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 113** No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Not Get Fired
Completed
4. I Will Complete 25% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For “Psychopath’s Prey” By V. F. Mason
Completed
6. I Will Write A Thousand Word Preface Page For “The Bedroom Soapbox” Compilation
Completed

If there is anything to learn honestly, it’s to take care of your son, he’s a big reason for all of this, Level 13 and he should have the biggest yard in the world, better food, more time, a father, a daddy. Let writing be the reason to live, but there are no excuses as to why you’re not on bookshelves, who does that, having so many books written and nobody to read them, at least they must be given that opportunity if anything. The biggest reason, of course, is you, Only You, and maybe you want someone to see you, or you only want to look at yourself in the mirror, if you were able to accomplish impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 113** No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Not Get Fired
4. I Will Complete 75% Of “The Church” by Celia Aaron
5. I Will Post A Review For “The First Purge”
6. I Will Write For “Apocalypse Rush” Ten Thousand Five–Hundred Words At Least (Total 15, 400)

I genuinely wish I could write something profound and inspirational, give you something more than “Good Night, Good Luck” or anything for the new year, yes it’s July and other than not comparing a woman to a Brazzers or Reality Kings model what else do I have for you? Even if it was anger, hate, fear, or shame, overwhelming sadness you write, because that is your gift or your curse, but you do because what was your life without it, another question you shouldn’t answer because The Reason Is You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

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Talk about a question I should never ask if I’m going to make a future not just for me, myself and I but also my son as well because home is where the heart is, and he could use a rest, but there is so much work to do to now. How To Stop Writing

Saturday, June 30, 2018

Lesson 364 ~How To Stop Writing~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again, did you ever stop after my long hiatus, why even call it that, didn’t I quit… strange that I don’t have an excuse for that when I have them for everything else but the stuff I don’t want to do, how many days do I miss the day job. Yesterday I figured I’d get something real done and I did begin writing my story “Apocalypse Rush” working title of course not that I’ll ever finish with editing.

I find that I have that same empty feeling as I usually do at The Closing Of The Year that promise of I’ll do better, and it never comes; if I am grateful for anything today, it’s that my “father” isn’t arriving by which I mean more time to worry next week. How about the fact that I have to cut the yard tomorrow, I have to make it dog-friendly but hasn’t my whole plan been to find us a home, I mean a real place not owned by others built by my success *sigh*. I keep coming back to this speech I heard that when you want success (wisdom) as badly as you want air, that’s when you’ll be successful, and that’s the problem.

Am I going to use suicide as an excuse, I’m not that dramatic today but how else do you stop writing because the clock shouldn’t serve as an excuse, my wants, and desires, hell the needs that I’m skimping on anyway. I can talk day and night about fear but that shouldn’t be it either, I gave in yesterday talking to GoDaddy about my blog and as Mr. Dink put it “Very Expensive.” How about the concept that I’m writing so I’ll have time for other things but for now shouldn’t everything be about writing anything other than more excuses?

Writing is more a conversation for Lady Sophia I take it, but what started all this was a BITCH, and you would think that would be enough, I don’t want to say fear or anger because that is giving her too much credit. Is that the answer, forgiveness, future, forgetfulness probably some other F words to be sure or maybe there is no end, I wouldn’t want to go all Fahrenheit 451, but I do want to play Detroit: Become Human so answer “you don’t” question How To Stop Writing.

I Will Have No Fear