Lesson 180 ~The Coming Attractions Hmm~

I don’t need to go to the lobby to get myself a treat and any day can honestly be hump day if you find somebody willing or find yourself in love, and I usually avoid the chick flicks which might be stupid on my part. “The Coming Attractions Hmm”

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Lesson 180 ~The Coming Attractions Hmm~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
No Fear, even if it’s caught on camera, though I think I’ve said before that my reputation is probably already ruined and it’s just a manner of time. Anyway voyeurism, exhibitionism, and even the general fear of getting caught, what better place is there than a movie theater, okay I can think of plenty, but I’ve been to an adult theater, to be honest, Dirty Diana.

Now was Star Wars: The Last Jedi, that bad, hell I’m going to see it again today, but it’s something about being in the dark fantasizing about Rey or Rose, okay it doesn’t just have to be Star Wars. As I said, I’ve been to an adult theater a few times and let me just say that it’s nothing like the porn movies I’ve seen or maybe there just aren’t that many options here. The only good news is I have seen some genuinely gross things but wasting ten bucks is still losing ten dollars if you don’t like the company you keep and I can’t even remember the movie that was showing; like that’s ever the point just saying.

I’ve always imagined though I would take some girl at some point and no I’m still not in a sharing mood yet people watching me and her together, why oh why do I find myself so brave when it comes to sex and violence. That explains so much, get me huffy or horny, and I don’t care what people think about me for a while; to think I’m quite respectful in the regular theater, I like movies. The thing about it is, I would get hotter in a proper film, porn is great and all but I can usually make anything into a porno flick.

Not only that, give me a girl that likes to watch porn at the house, though I’ve freaked some girls out, am I ashamed of my kink, no but since the point is to get the girl… Better to leave it on Netflix, Amazon, and the latest Hollywood blockbuster, and my vanilla watch list indeed.

Anyway, my “Fucket” List includes, sex in an adult theater, in a standard theater, and backstage someplace, “Dawson’s Creek” but today will be an ordinary day, The Coming Attractions Hmm.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 179 ~In My Father’s House~

With these hands as the song goes but I’m afraid I don’t have an answer to what they could do, should do, or would do and much like when I was failing Math all I could genuinely do is write out more questions, again and again. “In My Father’s House.”

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Lesson 179 ~In My Father’s House~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, for as Elton John put it, “If I was a sculptor, but then again, no,” I’m not much of a master builder, or a craftsman of any sort and yet I dare to call myself a writer. Maybe because my writing isn’t meant to make people comfortable by any means, my hell, my white room, or red room as the case may be most days.

It seems I go out of my way to make people comfortable, well as much as I can and the thing is no matter what I’m never comfortable even in my place, my comfort zone they call it. Not to sound like a Mad World but it my bed sleeping is the best I can do when it comes to myself and anybody else. You know what’s truly sad is that even my death will be some great inconvenience that I feel guilty about and that’s my sin for today, the fact that I’m always in the way every day.

Now how can that be a sin, I don’t mind watching the world burn as much as the next man, but I’m supposed to be doing something, and not just working but doing it well. Perhaps my failures are catching up to me, I mean didn’t I pay my bill, didn’t I go shopping and the fact that I can do all of these things and can’t put a coffee table together. I got the hammer and the nails… makes me think about my crucifixion but even in that, I find myself lacking and honestly what am I complaining about I should consider myself lucky?

In my father’s house are many mansions or something like that in the bible, but I believe I have told you about my sloth-like ways plenty, I can’t stand being idle, but I can’t stand being a waste of air either, another reason I don’t talk perhaps? Working with my hands is not for me, whether it’s building furniture or trying to remake the universe in my twisted, distorted image.

So is that what I’m apologizing for tonight, a lack of purpose or for failing at the things I give myself to contribute to myself, to a girl, to the world at large. Do you forgive me Inspector Echo for this travesty of life or even survival as I dream yet again of one-day being lost, In My Father’s House?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 178 ~Shook Me All Night~

All I want for Christmas all I need is the money to pay for it, boys dream of toys and men dream of, well; I think Santa is a good man, and if I could do all that he can for the world, for the family I hope to have one day? “Shook Me All Night.”

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Lesson 178 ~Shook Me All Night~

Dear Future Wife,
No Fear, you know I’m usually all in my head about something and now that I have you why do I need to dream but as the song goes “Some Nights.” You’re more than enough to keep me up, to hold me down, whatever could make me want to leave your side?

This time of year, we have little faces waiting for Santa coming to visit, and I will never let them down, not even the dog that is looking for everybody to share with him. There is the woman I love more than life, and I won’t leave it to just Christmas, Valentine’s, or your birthday if I’m not showing you every day how long will I love you then I’m not doing my job. Maybe that’s what shook me last night after all the gifts were open, the kids drifting off with smiles, my four-legged friend stuffed and you my happy wife, I want more than one perfect day for all of us but how?

Keep doing what I’m doing, that’s a lot for a man like Santa, and he only needs to do it one day out of the year, and maybe that’s what scares me, the other 364 days out of the year my love. Last night I thought about how quickly we could come to Santa not having a roof to stand on, the one that I want to keep over our heads. I tell you this, hold each other, dance to “All You Need Is Love” but I can’t shake this feeling, but we’re in this together. By what right would I ever have to doubt you, this, or us, If I didn’t believe; you make me feel like a kid on Christmas every single morning.

They call it a man’s world though, and you know that I’m not like most, I’m luckier, more in love, I’m yours, and I suppose that what the rest of the world thinks doesn’t matter. So we pretend but not with us, no never with us, and that’s why I woke up so early, no more sugar plums for me, yet what would I call you, beautiful, “good girl,” mine?

A reason to come back to bed, a reason I won’t have another nightmare because you shook me all night?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 177 ~ Medicate for Your Protection, Yours~

I remember when I gained a pretty good drug connection thanks to my “Olds,” and I didn’t appreciate it back then, now “good” drugs are kinda expensive but to be fair, I wouldn’t be medicating for the right reasons. Medicate for Your Protection, Yours

Monday, December 25, 2017

Lesson 177 ~ Medicate for Your Protection, Yours~

Twelfth Rule Madam Justice,
No Fear, this isn’t the twelve days of Christmas for if it were, I would find myself locked in an insane asylum but then again here I am talking to you. Strange that the traditional white room is for everyone else but the blank white page is for me, and this is what I mean by medication for me.

Medication, Meditation, Meditation, sometimes they have been choices and others times forces beyond my control, I still remember I would dance when I would flush the meds my “father” would give me. Okay so this isn’t sounding so much about Christmas, but the truth has always been a gift, and like life itself sometimes I wish I could return it, get a refund, read the reviews of what other people have thought about it. Other people, anytime I have tried to kill myself it has been all for other people, and that’s the lesson, my life, health, and death have always been for those people.

When I was on medication, even to this day it’s not been me I’m ever worried about, I hurt, I suffer, and when I am getting well it’s to make them fill better and not me. Maybe that’s why I’ve stopped with the meds; I told Indiana Gone that I would fill so angry afterward because those pills were making me not be me. I could tell you about some chemical or something, but people did the damage, and then they expect me to find the cure, and even my death would just make their lives better, or maybe it’s like how they talk of suicide I might hurt them.

Maybe I don’t need a cure; perhaps they are the symptom of a sick, sad world, suppose I am the cure, but I give myself too much credit don’t I Madam Justice? Tomorrow things will go back to normal, and again I will be stuck with the truth, I’ll have me, just one day and didn’t I say last night that I need to have faith that ‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!’ as Bob Marley believed right?

Speaking of music though I won’t belt out love is the answer or even a problem a few funerals won’t solve. The point is if I want to get high if I want to fix whatever’s broken, if I want to be well, it shouldn’t be for anyone else… now, Medicate for Your Protection, Yours.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 176 ~My Turn To Fly~

Christmas Eve and I suppose Santa is out doing his thing… what I don’t believe in Santa, how can I when I don’t hold out any hope for myself, my faith is all shot to hell when every day is the same but tonight… My Turn To Fly

Sunday, December 24, 2017

Lesson 176 ~My Turn To Fly~

To Will:
No Fear but it wasn’t worth, the events of this week and so whatever can I give to you as a gift, I already told one friend I’m sort of horrible and this whole gift-giving thing, especially this year. Unfortunately, that cross is yours to bear, so be ready this week, it’s your turn to fly, and hopefully, you won’t fall flat on your face as I did.

I mean you’re not Santa, you don’t have the luxury of operating from the shadows or maybe this week sure, but there is still work to put in. You won’t have Christmas magic to fall back on, you’ll have actually to give a shit, and that can be freaking exhausting, caring about others, friends, Facebook, even the assholes. Speaking of which I hope you won’t be as sick, hell Santa Claus has 364 days to be ill can you imagine if he were queasy tonight?

Don’t they say that some heroes don’t wear capes but what exactly makes Santa a hero, the fact that he gives all he has how about the truth that of his immortality, invincibility, or both? Maybe the ability for even one night to rule the world, it could be the ability that he has in a way usurped a god, indeed several different deities. Most men think they’re God; this one just happens to be right though it’s death to acknowledge that sort of thing isn’t it, as the song goes, no one man should have all that power right.

So am I jealous of Santa… you’re damn right I am, and so I won’t tell you to be him, though you must keep in mind, what you give, your writing, and the faith you have if not in God and not in yourself in what? Maybe that should be your goal this week; you didn’t believe that 5-hour Energy would allow you to forgo a nap and yet here we are, baby steps but there isn’t time even now.

Honestly, you should be flying by now, if not for you, for others, okay see that’s too far, have faith that you will survive tomorrow, that you won’t get fired, that you can be a better man. Santa is the man, and he only works one night out of the year, how’s that for social anxiety, My Turn To Fly.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 175 ~Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight~

No Eve on Christmas Eve so I suppose I only have myself to blame and yet more presents to buy than ever, even with free therapy sessions and that’s “good” right, more friends, more writing, more hope maybe. Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight.

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Lesson 175 ~Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight~

Hey Lady Lu,
No Fear, I’m still not one for Etymology, but if there were a few words, I want to focus on today how about “good,” “Christmas” in particular “Eve” to be honest. How about depression, sorry if that’s my mood as of late, but I’m looking for a quick explanation rather than a manifesto or another full-blown novel, so yes no fear today.

Not like this morning; last night I had a nightmare that’s been echoing in my brain all day, something about me and one of my ex-bosses and going after them… hell, most days I spend my afternoons and evenings trying to forget. Was it a dream, some part reality, I’m sure I wasn’t in the office with Morris Chestnut telling me that my anger was going to get me into trouble. As much as I HATE my job, I still need it, and I’m working on Christmas Eve, only Christmas Eve the whole week which scares me, no fear, I keep forgetting, but I’m always awaiting the bad news truthfully.

What about good, mornings are never, afternoons, evenings, nights, all just spaces of time that are anything but “good,” most often “bad” but what do I classify as “good”? As far as Christmas, every year is even less Christmas than the last, any cookies, movies, music that I tuned out a long time ago, again a space of time that if anything makes me sad. What about Eve, a woman tempted who brought about the dark, no I’m not a theologian either, and I’m too lazy to look up the nuances of the word eve and speaking of lazy what about gifts… I make one lousy friend don’t you think?

Is there such a thing as a “good” patient though, with my depression you should be making a ton Lady Lu, and I will get to pay you to once everything is “good.” Now that is a word I need to define, how about joyful, happy, and then, of course, there is love which brings us back to “it’s the most “wonderful” time of the year” or maybe not, perhaps once upon a time right?

Back when I thought of myself as “good,” again when a sentiment such as good morning wasn’t a lie; when Christmas and or Eve was a time to be alive and not just another day before Good Morning, Evening, Goodnight.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 174 ~My Name In Lights~

I just don’t want my story used in some horrific real-life tale… ok who am I trying to kid, I want the infamy of the Marquis de Sade but Christmas, it’s just another day and making a wish list *sigh*. “My Name In Lights”

Friday, December 22, 2017

Lesson 174 ~My Name In Lights~

Hey Lady Sophia
No Fear, my name isn’t Rudolph, Santa Claus, or even Jack Skellington, it’s Will; don’t worry it’s also hard for me to remember sometimes or not to be ashamed of it. Being ashamed though would explain a lot, why I haven’t been working on two of the books I’ve done, be it the content, the potential of success or failure, or just particular people knowing, maybe, possibly.

Anyway, oh right, it’s nearly Christmas, and I haven’t made an Impossible, Immoral, Illegal, Insane list, so my Christmas wishes:

1. I want my name lit up it book signings, I mean years living under fluorescents, people asking for signatures.

2. The light in my girlfriend/wife/submissive’s when I come home; I don’t want to say bitch but dog level excitement.

3. Speaking of someone to come home to, a place I genuinely consider home and not just some housesitting honestly.

4. Candlelit dinners and bedrooms, and not just a bedside lamp or a TV, moments I can’t wait to see.

5. A morning I where I want to be awake but still not leave my bed because I got love.

6. Never thought of myself as a pornstar, but yeah I want to make a sex tape a life goal.

7. Gunfire, though that sort of death is too easy for some people, so torturing some people and filming it.

8. I want to be full of creativity always, bright lightbulbs in my mind; I need the darkness and light.

9. I want my name in the whispers, moans, screams of Jennifer Lawrence, Shailene Woodley, and Chloë Grace Moretz simultaneous.

10. The day I burn this motherfucker to the ground and have enough money to buy… damn my censorship sadly.

Maybe that’s something else I should ask for, the courage to say what I want in the light of my blog, MINE but hell I would settle for one solid day of work in the light of day. Isn’t that what I always do, which is a reason why I’m not too impressed with the colors of Christmas, not anyone.

The spotlight though is no guarantee, I’ve seen the brightest stars begin to flicker with one misspoken word, they can be even worse than a sex scandal, right? Does anyone need to hear my story, see My Name In Lights?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 173 ~A Return To Innocence~

I won’t burst out into song or even a crying fit as sad as I am, I need to keep my fluids, and I must be the only guy looking for that stuff they used in the movie Equilibrium, or I need a woman like Winston Smith had. A Return To Innocence

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Lesson 173 ~A Return To Innocence~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
No Fear, though I let myself down, literally, a loss of power, a loss of control and what was it this time, a fantasy about a maid, what about a bit of erotica, an incredible hatefuck, or just that pornstar Holly Lane, a million excuses sadly.

Now the first thing is I’m not Winston Smith; I think whores are deadening which is strange because I instead enjoy making the most innocent of ladies claim whoredom or making them claim to be sluts. Is it just me or does every guy want some virgin, someone untouched and yet they seek out pretty much any woman that will spread their legs? Hell, I could take this to a biblical level, women are responsible for original sin right, and the church teaches that a man must have a godly household, okay creeping myself out.

Anyway, I’m in that period of being thoroughly disgusted at my weakness and vowing never to give in again and oh look I have three of my fantasies on my phone. The thing is it isn’t the somewhat porn that gets me, it’s the idea, hell not even the tease, just the sweetest things, the angels that drive me mad, maybe that’s why I appreciate the silence and the dark. Maybe I need the hurt and the pain, the humiliation, and the degradation; while running errands today I remembered my own Harvey Weinstein pervy attitude, doesn’t happen too often but such and such makes me hate myself all the more.

Maybe it’s just the holiday season but I think we honestly need a new plague and then that reminded me of “The Screwfly Solution” … relax Dirty Diana; I’m not that much of a psycho. One must think however what women do to men or is it merely genetics, could be kinky, but some like being choked during sex and others like doing the choking, spanking, bondage, you know, etc.

I miss the feeling of my innocence, around thirty-one days of it and you know what I felt, besides horny… more primal like I was on the hunt, and I didn’t just want any woman, I could have one if I wanted. Maybe I just want to feel all lovey-dovey only, A Return To Innocence.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 172 ~Can You Read Sucker~

How many stars did they get again and my mind must have been somewhere in the stars considering I didn’t see what was right in front of my face when it came to these titles that I decided to review. “Can You Read Sucker,” it saved me once upon a time

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Lesson 172 ~Can You Read Sucker~

Forgive Me Echo,
No Fear, I’m no reviewer, contrary to popular opinion, so I’m glad the two books in question, I wasn’t asked to review I only wrote about them because, well apparently that’s what I do now. Perhaps my biggest sin is when I don’t keep my mouth shut, I could talk to you about yesterday but another story for another time, this one today is about “Story of O” and “Shiver” two reviews.

I have no excuse for either Inspector Echo, you know me sometimes I’m lazy, sometimes I’m just super dumb, and others, I’m just the typical guy looking to get satisfaction, which I suppose is redundant but whatever. As one of my rules dictates, “I Take My Own Lumps,” and with everything that I run away from in life, I say I’m going to Hell anyway so I’m not going to run from responsibility, for the most part. When it comes to Story of O, you’ll have to forgive me for this simple mistake; I didn’t know that there was a sequel, still, haven’t read it.

When it comes to Shiver, I would say I didn’t read the fine print, but it was right before my eyes, and I just wanted to get off; the good news is this book kept me on the straight and narrow path, emphasis on straight and the man I am. Could I perhaps be forgiven for the fact that I read the book anyway; most Christians wouldn’t think so, it being a gay romance but love is love, and as the song goes, I believe in a thing called love. So why did I call the book out for something I should have known; these books are like porn for women, and that’s a crime perhaps calling it out like that, but reading could beat Pornhub and Xvideos don’t you think, a kind thought nevertheless.

Now wouldn’t you think the responsible thing to do would be to correct my reviews to a certain degree, it’s not just enough to say you’re sorry but you must make amends if at all possible. I did preface my review of Shiver, but that still doesn’t make it right and again makes me look lazy and dumb; unlike in my spoken life, my writing is the one place I would at least like to pretend I’m smart at least.

So I’m sorry for the reviews, I’m sorry for any offense towards gays or women, and honestly, I do respect some Christians, and I’m sorry for being a lazy ass but do I have your forgiveness Inspector Echo, and you ask Can You Read Sucker.

I Will Have No Fear

Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping

I never got bedtime stories and with how my parents were… well if I were getting ready to go to sleep this would honestly keep me up and for all the right reasons believe me. “Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping”

With “Brutal Bedtime Stories: A Supernatural Horror Story Collection” it’s for hiding underneath the covers, it’s for finding a playmate, and it’s for reading until the sun comes up because you won’t be getting any sleep. Is the book that scary or so good, I’ll give you a hint, it’s excellent, but of course, I’m all sorts of twisted indeed.

These are the types of stories I wish I knew at bedtime… who hurt you; that’s not the only past I see, these stories make me all nostalgic for The Twilight Zone because I could see any of these made into an episode without a doubt. It isn’t something that I honestly set out to find receiving a free copy, and so I wonder what Tobias Wade thinks about me, hell the question is how do I consider him and the other writers of this work. Do you have any more, that’s the question I kept thinking with every story, what else you got hmm, is it worse than this?

I mean that in the best possible way, going from story to story, saying this is my favorite, no this, maybe this and as far as my actual love and the best overall, I wish us all luck with this review. Now again, personally I wasn’t frightened, everything but that, I could say apprehensive about a story here or there, turned on, mad, twisted, even queasy at points but not scared. Brutal Bedtime Stories is a book for the person that imagines the world inside their head is Hell; it’s nice to know you aren’t alone in this universe thankfully.

Sometimes I look at my work, and it’s like, this is child’s play… can’t remember any killer dolls in these stories though, for the most part wholly original and relatable if you’re studying Psychopath 101. Hopefully, I’m not boring anyone so far and if I am, go ahead and read this title now with my blessing, it will keep your eyes open for some time.

Your bed is for wondering where the real monsters are, underneath it, hiding in the closet or inside you all along, that’s the problem too many monsters and not enough people to haunt; a problem for this book, just way too many good ideas perhaps?

We begin with David Maloney, and his first story should start with a warning that you’re about to be sucked into this universe, from the get-go I was hooked and impressed, wow. Excuse me for trying to narrow down my top picks but if I go author by author with his work it would be between “She Says the Smell of Death Turns Her On” and “The Blue-Eyed Painting.” Already you know which stories I’m into if you read my reviews often enough but his collection contained a few twisted happy endings as I recall.

Tobias Wade had some weird family stories, some I wanted to see continued into even more extended versions of themselves, while every story makes you think, you want to go deeper. His first entry “Hell is Heaven to the Demons” that would honestly be my sort of afterlife, and if it becomes a full-blown novel wow, just the idea of coming back reminds me some of the Shusaku, Isaku, Kisaku series if that makes sense.

With Ha-yong Glenn Bak we get some more family dynamics but also the businessman of the group seeing as how plenty of his stories are about making money. “Make Money or Die Trying” is his first entry but we also have “A Site Called “Cash For Confessions” and “An App Called “Time is Money” also murder seems to run in the family with his tales.

Last but not least we have Kyle Alexander, the only one to give a character his name and while “Teenagers” was the last story and the longest, I much preferred “Shooting Stars” in its simplicity, scary it resonated with me. Sci-Fi fans though will get a kick out of Teenagers, not saying it was terrible but somewhat anti-climatic though it bit surprising for the end.

Put all these stories together you have an incredible combination, and they say, no man stands alone, but any one of these given their book could win me over overall.

Five stars without a second thought, from beginning to end it was like a rollercoaster of madness and mayhem and what are beds meant for, to be tied up in, sexy or lunatics, I have to wonder did these guys meet in an asylum. I can’t promise “no spoilers” or no bad times but this book what else can I say about it just saying.

I’m no doctor, but David Maloney has some ideas about sex both good and bad, but most have the villain getting his so he knows right from wrong. Tobias was all madness and death, if you’re sick of zombies he’s the guy to call, he has a refreshing outlook on ghosts, but maybe he’s not the family man just saying. Along with David, Ha-yong Glenn Bak is the one I most related to, sex and money it has to be between those two, and no offense but Kyle was the weak link, or maybe he was the one chosen for the cooling off period, to a certain degree I think.

Sad to say but it might be all downhill after the first series with David Maloney, and I don’t mean that to sound wrong, but he was the most original with Ha-yong after “Make Money or Die Trying” you see where his stories go, maybe it’s right, sex sells. If there is anything to complain about, it could be that I didn’t exactly know how to read this book, front to back of course but the stories blended together and as soon as you start the next you already forget the other. It only took me seconds upon reading each title to recall, but as I’ve been trying to do this whole time if one story stands out well two, She Says the Smell of Death Turns Her On and Make Money or Die Trying.

If you’re squeamish or have never thought about killing the person next to you, maybe this won’t be your book of choice but if you’re human than feel free. Now if you’ll excuse me this has been my confession, and now I need to find me sort cute girl turned on by death because truthfully Bed… It’s Not For Sleeping.