Tag: Lesson

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

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Get up and walk ten steps, I heard that in a movie and those guys were fighting for their lives but I barely even pick my feet up anymore, if it wasn’t for stairs… but I imagine there will be someone up there waiting. Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps huh

Monday, March 26, 2018

Lesson 268 ~Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps~

Twenty-Fifth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today, even thinking for a moment that women are less complicated than let’s say most addictions, e.g., a twelve step program, the twelve labors of Hercules, hell even the twelve days of Christmas, keeping in mind when Christmas starts these days.

For most guys, it starts with the girl next door, and honestly, that’s a vast gulf, but for me, it took maybe a year to get over. Third grade was putting girls in the dirt, fourth grade was a whole new type of hitting, and by fifth grade well I was ten steps closer to all kinds of trouble. Puberty was zero to a hundred, talk about missing all the steps, and my parents didn’t help, “no face as hideous as my face” so why bother with the talk right, wasn’t like I was going out anywhere. I’ve always said my mother did her best to raise a gentleman, hell even my father didn’t approve of me smacking girls’ behinds, the rules of courtship were a complete blank for me.

For a guy wholly preoccupied with getting in some girl’s pants, perhaps I am a bit old-fashioned. Maybe I was fortunate enough to be influenced by the 90s with a mix of admiration of R&B and writing, or it could be the fact that I’m a dominant and one of the provisions of submission is to have genuine trust. Also, my standards are quite high, or I’m shallow without any right to be, but for someone of quality one must step their game up, meaning the more I want someone the harder I try, which might not sound fair. Remember though Madam Justice there is also the “Blackjack Scale” to consider, that goes to twenty-one and currently not one human walking the planet is that high. My dog, of course, lives here, has every single need met, toys galore, a myriad of comfy spots including my bed, and when we met, I didn’t have to take ten steps, just one.

So maybe I’m lazy because that love came quickly but for the right girl why not take ten steps, wanting a person is harder than my “Big Ten Inch… record of the band that plays the blues “thanks, Bull Moose Jackson. It means more though to a girl though, if you think she’s everything, knowing she’s worth the travel, truth, Perfect Ten, Means Ten Steps.

“You can’t tell me you can’t do it!
Get up and walk ten steps.
– Get up and walk!” Alive

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 267 ~We’re Canceling The Apocalypse~

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Every day is an opportunity to change and every day the world might end, but I think I’m too scared to do one and strangely enough, I think I might find a way to deal with the other one if the time comes. We’re Canceling The Apocalypse

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Lesson 267 ~We’re Canceling The Apocalypse~

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today, but I will not die today either, you think maybe tomorrow and why, perhaps because you’re out of drugs, you know you’ll find yourself in the same place just later, and probably it’s just because you have survived worst. Isn’t that what life is, half the time people saying if you want something, “go get it,” and the other half “if it’s meant to be it will be.”

It could be a little of both you know; you walk through the fire of the next horror only to get through and wait for the next thing that is rarely good or maybe the truth is you’re running like something out of The Langoliers. How about Happy Death Day, possibly, if every day remains the same that would explain so much, you’re hurting, and it takes more time to recover because you die a little more each day but don’t we all. You might be trying to avoid what dreams may come; I know I’m honestly on a movie kick instead of music but while we are here making a list, six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 015 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Finish Reading “Galahad Suns”
Failed
4. I Will Get Ready For Camp NaNoWriMo
Completed
5. I Will Finish My Tomb Raider Review
Completer
6. I Will Stay Gainfully Employed
Completed

Do you see how close you are in finding full completion but you don’t have to be afraid, this isn’t your bucket list this is merely showing that the world didn’t end and that as much as you wish it would there is a way? You know the rule “Rule 158 I’m Will, There’s A Way” and even if you’re not “high” like you were today, what are the odds that you won’t survive tomorrow, live every day as if it were your last am I right? “We can’t all be like that English tart you’ll be talking to tomorrow, “Everyday Will Be Like A Holiday” and such, that truly would be some makeshift apocalypse; “Knowing Hell You Fear Heaven,” did I hear a rule?

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 015 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Survive Inventory Tomorrow
4. I Will Finish Reading “Galahad Suns”
5. I Will Review Pacific Rim: Uprising
6. I Will “Get Out” Of This House Once

What’s the worst that can happen if I ever complete these six impossible things, you know what is impossible finally eating before work and not getting sick but it happened; how about making it without going to the store until Thursday, you’ll see. Did you see Talia Lin Pepke in the store today, probably not but would the world have ended if you tried talking to her, opportunity tsk, tsk.

The world is ready for a difference, are you craving a change, and if you complete these six impossible things somehow, what’s next “The Twelve Labors of Hercules” sometimes you think bring it on and others We’re Canceling The Apocalypse.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 266 ~Thou Doth Protest Too~

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I’m starting with the man in the mirror but usually, that’s a discussion for another time, today people all of the U.S.A. are trying to hold that mirror up to the country while I just lie here, my body protesting life. Thou Doth Protest Too

Saturday, March 24, 2018

Lesson 266 ~Thou Doth Protest Too~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Fine Today or at least that’s what my body tells me; to be sure I had so many plans today but I stayed in bed just down for the count and my mind was playing tricks on me. Am I going to be all creative now and mention music or going to see Pacific Rim: Uprising, you’re probably the second person I can talk to about that film honestly.

Too bad the silent treatment isn’t exactly welcomed at work, as it would even matter, to anyone, too many people speaking for me anyway and how can I resist; I know it sounds pretty in song form, but that’s what I have been thinking about lately. Later on today people will be protesting against what’s wrong with this country, and there is a small bit of me that would like to join them. Not trying to sound suicidal but my body is protesting life itself, and that shows that things need to change if I would only just get up.

When did I turn all political, I know things can be better Lady Luna and it is scary to think that they can’t be and then I get angry because I know, I can do this, emphasis on DO but honestly what do I want to protest? Hell haven’t I tried, did I tell you what happened at work, that my First Amendment rights don’t exist, for the moment I still have my job. Again there is fear that everything would fall apart for me if I fought back but isn’t it already, trying to keep those with oh so fragile egos together, think Meg from “Family Guy” just saying.

There’s also so much to fight for, too much, every day there are petitions, animals in need crimes being committed and I want to help, but I was looking at my budget the other day, besides what little pleasures I allow, McDonald’s trip, a movie. Now, how about Starbucks, just enough to buy a small drink to soothe my conscience and anxiety to sit in a coffeehouse and hope for something that may never be.

Resist is what I have learned today, okay one more song “Man In The Mirror” Lady Luna how often have I told you about that line in Schindler’s List, “save a life and save the world entire” and that’s what these kids are doing, fighting to save their lives. I lied, the last song Pray For Me “You need a hero, look in the mirror, there go your hero” so if I want to save myself, Thou Doth Protest Too.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 265 ~The Keyword Is Working~

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Turn her or in this case them, into literature; I’m always writing about the ladies or to the ladies, and my latest story is headed in that direction too but is that what it takes to get me to write? The Keyword Is Working, writing, doing.

Friday, March 23, 2018

Lesson 265 ~The Keyword Is Working~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Fine Today is something I can’t say at my day job of course but speaking of things I can’t utter or do at one position, how about talking about my career as a budding writer; yeah I’m still in the dirt. My next story is going to be plenty dirty as well, not that I have anything to worry about like people seeing it but consider this a business lunch Lady Sophia, another one of those six impossible things.

What I mean is I’m thinking about the story I’m going to write for Camp NaNoWriMo in April, hell I made it in November, and that’s another novel I should be thinking about come this year but one step at a time. Why do I feel the need to put myself in all of my stories and if I’m going to be in a story how about some nonfiction, besides this, “March For Our Lives” is tomorrow and I could take part but the best thing I got going is a trip to Starbucks. I’m still pining away for a love story that starts in a coffeehouse but who wants to say they met someone in a strip club honestly.

Anyway, onto the facts, the current idea running through my head is about a hitman who makes his targets sin, so he has a valid excuse to kill them; oh, and should I mention his victims are female. Don’t ask me where the idea came from though it does bring to mind a song here or there “T.N.T” from AC/DC, “Move Bitch” from Ludacris feat. I-20, Mystikal, and “Butcher Pete” from Roy Brown. Don’t worry I’m not going to spoil it for you Lady Sophia or myself for that matter. One because I’m not sure where I’m going with it yet and two I feel I have spoiled myself enough, avoiding Pacific Rim: Uprising and Unsane spoilers but diving headfirst into The Walking Dead, what was I thinking my Lady.

As far as ladies for my current project; I feel like Ethan Cole from “The Director” by Lily White. So ladies, Fiona Belli from “Haunting Ground” and Ashley Graham “Resident Evil,” Haley Pullos, Claire Abbott, along with Christina Lucci (Model), I might add some more. I know I do not sound original, being honest… at least I didn’t say zombies but now when I think about it; no I’m working seriously The Keyword Is Working.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 264 ~My Love Is Blind~

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As the song goes, “I want to f*** you like I’m never gonna see you again,” but maybe she hasn’t noticed me, the real me, my pretty words, replaced with dirty urges and so I’m not much to look at or listen to I think. My Love Is Blind if this is love.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Lesson 264 ~My Love Is Blind~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Fine Today, and no there aren’t any body issues… okay, maybe a few as I still avoid mirrors but that’s more of an emotional thing than physical, though I did say yuck in a Walmart dressing room. Anyway, my lesson for today is that you can’t avoid all mirrors, namely the eyes of a woman to be honest.

Now they say love is blind true enough, but it starts with attraction because without that how can you move forward, even the internet is like that, could you imagine people falling in love sight unseen? Dirty Diana this is getting to be a bit more emotional when I meant it to be physical; so yes in the everyday world people like to think they see all, but in the bedroom, well there are handy ways around that. Personally, I like to watch a girl’s eyes, even men want to feel desirable, but I can’t see that happening in my foreseeable future, but okay let’s say I get lucky soon.

There are reasons for a blindfold; again I’m having a bit of trouble between my emotions and my desires (one of my six impossible things), but I’ve been thinking about Beauty & the Beast, not the fairytale though I have some Belle outfits for a potential submissive. I mean Skye Warren’s take on how even when Erin and Blake were together, how he didn’t want her to see him; it reminds me a bit of Cyrano de Bergerac and how his words got another man laid. No fucks given, yeah because I gave all my pretty words to other guys so they could bed girls and here I am, alone again naturally, the song plays.

So why would I want to blindfold a woman; I’m sure I told you before about my tentacle fetish and the idea of using several dildos along with my cock to simulate a rough gangbang, now wouldn’t that be something. How about “Revenge of the Nerds” Lewis and Betty, now in that Lewis was wearing and mask, but Betty was blind to who he was, didn’t this technically count as rape seeing as how they fucked but she didn’t know and if she had maybe…

I could go darker you know me; Dirty Diana, my fantasies are better left in the darkness but the girl I love one day she’ll understand… My Love Is Blind.

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

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How often do I go to work without my headphones, why do I fight so hard when the stereo in my car is acting up, there’s plenty to hear, and plenty I wish I could just turn off, but those things are from music. “Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.”

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Lesson 263 ~Every Sweet Refrain Repeats~

Forgive Me Echo,
I Am Not Fine Today, no matter what my favorite song tells me and that’s not a crime is it, to be in love with a song, in this case being “Easy Street,” such sweet torture for other people that is. There are some songs that you can’t get out of your head and then there are others that are just asking for a power drill to the temple; no worries though, didn’t you ever wonder why I named you Inspector Echo?

Now I’m not talking about songs like “Pjanoo (Club Mix),” did you think something like that would make me ashamed, hell the only problem with that is I don’t need another gay guy hitting on me. How easy was that to say, music speaks and I listen and when it comes to actual people trying to talk to me… perhaps that is another sin for today; I don’t want to listen to people and talk about being picky, to paraphrase Much Ado About Nothing “God match me with a good singer!” To think this was once my greatest sin the belief that I was ever a good singer I sang in the church choir I screwed up verses, I sang with the kids instead of my age bracket when I was a teen. I stayed an alto for far too long and dare I sing now, just because I want too maybe, shall I try?

How about my hatred of music, now that Inspector Echo, is indeed a crime but as they say hate is easily a teaching tool often. So I have my father to thank on behalf of my mother, and for once I wasn’t profiteering, but “No Charge” from Shirley Caesar was playing and let’s just say I despised that woman until U Name It. Speaking of women, I despise; another song that makes me truly ashamed is “Something Just Like This” every time I hear it the word “skeevy” echoes in my mind and to add insult to injury “Oops (Oh My)” and that’s because I was just that. Now “Sexy” from Peter Cincotti was in the movie Straight A’s To XXX and is this only song on this list that doesn’t make me cringe, but it gives me deliciously devilish, dirty, depraved desires for Haley Pullos and other pretty ladies.

So will you forgive me Inspector Echo for using music as a crutch, for using it to torture and be tortured, for my pain and shame, for my hatred of it, for the memories, and that there is so much more but as the song goes Every Sweet Refrain Repeats.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 262 ~WILL Rest In Pieces~

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Being swept off your feet, or as the song goes “Love lift us up where we belong,” is there any wonder we aren’t all broken with all this falling and such, hearts are a lot stronger than I think but they could still lie broken. WILL Rest In Pieces yep

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Lesson 262 ~WILL Rest In Pieces~

Dear Future Wife,
I Am Not Fine Today; sometimes I think that living for the love of you, my heart has grown so much that surely it can’t all be there and I don’t think it’s supposed to be actually.

You’re my wife, my lover, my best friend; well, the dog might have something to say about the third; anyway what you are not is the maid, though there will be days when everything has its place and others when it looks like a crime scene. Neither are you a therapist, well who knows but I will try to keep it together, the house is one thing, but as for myself, all I need is time and you, I still believe. As Chris Rock said once “Every woman on the planet’s a spy.” You will never have to piece together my love for you; you’ll know that every single day, you’ll find it my babydoll.

I see that in those pieces of me, of you, of us in the next room, maybe I do wrong my heart too much, fragments growing into full hearts all on their own and I need not worry but of course I always will because that’s my job. Love can be one great puzzle so how are any of us even to begin putting it all together, how many pieces are there in total, what have I lost along the way, yet keep it together?

A single kiss from your lips and my words are not so broken, and when I find them again I love you doesn’t seem so complicated, and it doesn’t seem big enough either but there is such peace discovered there. Even more so when I have my arms around you, how can anyone be so fragile and still be stronger than anyone I know, I want to keep you but I cannot contain you, and it feels like I might break at any moment and when I have, when I do and when I will… All Of Me as John Legend sings, and here I am trying to sweep you off your feet again, but in case I haven’t made this clear, I’m your Humpty Dumpty, and you’re my Wonderwall.

You deserve so much more my love than to stay beside a broken man but you do, and while I might never know why; one piece of me will wonder, another will try harder but someday, somehow beside you, here and now, forever, and always I WILL Rest In Pieces

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 261 ~Be Who My Dog Deserves~

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Who’s a good dog, if he doesn’t know that by now then I am honestly no type of father and despite all my failures, being the man that he needs me to be is something that I can not afford to fail, not ever. “Be Who My Dog Deserves”

Monday, March 19, 2018

Lesson 261 ~Be Who My Dog Deserves~

Twenty-Fourth Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Fine Today but that doesn’t matter now does it, because when you love it merely means you put them ahead of you and the more love you give, the more returns to you or so I’ve been told that’s how it works. Think about it, most pets have four legs, birds have wings, other pets have their qualities, and yet they say that a dog is man’s best friend; such real words.

“All I know is that the boy was my charge. And if he was not the word of God. Then God never spoke.” The Road

Sometimes I ask myself, what great sin did this dog have to commit, earning his lot in life; I remember begging and pleading with my father for a dog, and sure my sister and I had my grandma’s dogs, but here my sister never mentioned a dog ever. Next thing I know my father walks in with this few pounds of fluff for her; I raised him, I did all I could do, and when the time came to move it wasn’t a question, just get in the car. We have fought side by side, bled together, same enemies, saved each other’s lives, and perhaps one of my greatest sins is that he turned out to be like me, which begs the question, what on Earth have I done wrong?

“He’d grown up just like me
My boy was just like me” ― Harry Chapin, Cat’s In The Cradle (1974)

I know I’ve said that I pretended that my future wife is watching me and I want to be better because maybe if I am; if I can be that man I may be able to find her finally. At my age I know I’m not ready to be her boyfriend, her man, her husband. Then again I wasn’t prepared to be a father, to think I scoffed when I watched all the other kids with the “Pumped Up Kicks” including my sister making babies and despite everything, I could say I wasn’t making such decisions, taking such risks, and somehow that made me better. Only I have Madam Justice, I have when it comes to my dog, and I have to make it right which means as the song goes I must be The Best Man I Can Be.

He just made Level 13 on February 13 and as I often tell “Indiana Gone,” “I love him like pancakes,” and I look forward to him being Level 20 and beyond but I’m not stupid for once; he has a heart murmur, he’s developing cataracts. The vet says surgery is risky but if there is a chance? All I know is I can’t name five humans that I love or love me that equal him. I love him enough that every day I even ask him, “are you a happy puppy, is this your best life,” I want him to meet my family one day. I need him to know that I’ll be okay that as I loved him, he saved me but most importantly of all I need to Be Who My Dog Deserves.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 260 ~Bring On The Trades~

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How much is it all worth, how much are you, maybe I should get a price tag tattoo, so people will stop thinking of me as one colossal clearance, no a crown wears more than any mask I believe. Bring On The Trades, because I might be ready to carry it.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Lesson 260 ~Bring On The Trades~

To Will:
I Am Not Fine Today, well that’s different from my usual I Am Not Afraid Anymore so why not trade a lie for the truth; because the truth will set you free but that doesn’t mean this nonfiction is free, not even here. Our conversations are perhaps the only place where I can say these words, “this is life,” “another day,” “this sucks,” “Is there anywhere else,” and much more; the world wants you to be a bargain, don’t be, you hear me?

“You Won’t Be Anyone’s Bargain,” that will be going in the rulebook or whatever you choose to call it one day. You sell yourself too cheap, and yes this is your fault because you just want to be taken and you’re just too much, too “EXTRA” as the kids say these days. It also takes more muscles to frown, than to smile but you can bear that load, and maybe you will trade it in but why do people insist on stealing; your general manager just wants to take everything, just like your father, just like everyone. You know why that is; because a crown weighs more than a mask; is that yet another rule? Speaking of trades you must make, what about those six impossible things, anything you feel like trading for once today:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 01 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 08 No Fap)
2. I Will Work On The Submissive’s Closet But Buy Nothing (Budget?)
Partial Completion, No New Clothes But Overbudget (Tomb Raider on Friday)
3. I Will Post Two Reviews On My Blog
Failed
4. I Will Spend No More Than Eight Hours In Bed
Failed
5. I Will Spend No More Than Eight Hours On My Laptop
Failed
6. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Failed

When will you trade failure for success but already you’re doing, yes do you will, as though you could ever be as wise as Master Yoda, or as Ben Franklin said early to bed, and to rise; at least you have that rise part down at the moment. It was 4:25 AM when we started talking which isn’t a big deal considering how often you sell your soul for $10.40 an hour; why not sell your tears for sweat and make every drop of blood worth a damn. How can you, that’s what you’re asking yourself when you can’t even do these six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 08 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Finish Reading “Galahad Suns”
4. I Will Get Ready For Camp NaNoWriMo
5. I Will Finish My Tomb Raider Review
6. I Will Stay Gainfully Employed

It’s just so damn hard you know, keeping those two cents in your pocket and then be asked a penny for your thoughts when they are worth a dollar; yeah the music helps thank you RayBLK and The Band Perry. Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself, the last rule for today which sounds a bit like don’t sell out, but didn’t I say everyone has a price, somewhere don’t you think.

Just think about it like you’re writing your book, you take people and trade one name for another, why can’t you do the same Will, so Bring On The Trades.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

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I’m not tired, to the contrary I’m quite tired, but it’s nothing that sleep can cure… did I just say that; I’ll probably be out all day but then again how is that different from any other day just slipping away? Here Comes The Sun

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Lesson 259 ~Here Comes The Sun~

Hey Lady Lu,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but if that’s the case, why can’t I sleep, it’s nearly four in the morning and trust me I slept but I woke up at maybe twelve, and I’ve been up ever since, in more ways than one… Reasons I stay awake and yes being horny is one. Yesterday was a real nail-biter, but I got back in touch with “Cherry,” wrote that song for the dog, talked to Lady Sophia and even worked on my novel some at the behest of “Indiana Gone,” I even went to a movie, “Tomb Raider.”

Hell is that not what my bedroom has become, am I not a vampire, with everything I have survived I must have super strength, I don’t see myself in the mirror, I leave in the dark and rush back to the house, I live off watching people bleed. If I’m not a vampire, I would say, zombie, with my phone I don’t need to have a brain, I eat enough to stay animated, and I’m not too picky, I jump at loud noises and usually have to investigate them. How about Frankenstein’s monster, awake only to do my master’s bidding, whoever that is at the time and if I didn’t have that then what’s next?

Is it my depression, do I need another song idea besides Nina Simone or Usher “Confessions Part II.” Fortunately, that’s Wednesday’s problem, and I’m still looking forward to being employed? Now you can see why I would rather be the monster in this scenario because what was that about not being afraid, again I’ve been up and scared to death about my job before. I wish I could say I’m finishing up everything that I need to do today, yesterday, the day before, reminds me of my math class and just writing the problem over again and again, these days I just make lists that keep getting longer everyday Lu.

You’re not a chore more a habit, and I keep asking myself where the time goes when I’m not looking up porn or sleeping as you can guess, I don’t have much of a life, judging by the things we discuss. So like a real therapist you ask me why I’m not sleeping like someone sane this night, and that is just something else I’m going to have to learn.

What have I learned today, when the day hasn’t even started yet, maybe this is just my standard work time, and that’s sad that I’m getting ready for the inevitable conclusion of getting fired but still Here Comes The Sun.

I Will Have No Fear