Tag: Lesson

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

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Somebody once said that we need to remember our heroes but heroes can only come made from tragedy and while I write horror aplenty, or I’m “trying” to because I’m no hero, hell I’m no writer even, a hero’s work never ends. Backstory, I Say Back.

Friday, May 25, 2018

Lesson 328 ~Backstory, I Say Back~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, I then ask when did I stop loving you, even when I saw “Solo: A Star Wars Story” last night but no worries this isn’t a review, because as you know, I have had some trouble writing those recently to be honest. On the one hand, it makes it simpler to keep writing my six impossible things but on the other, how creative am I these days.

I know “I’m Not The Only One,” as every day my country continues to burn a little more and notice I say (my country) because normally I’m not one to speak on patriotism, but it seems I have no choice, though I’m not in the NFL. Another day I’m sitting here getting ready to write and get caught up for an hour reading about more school shootings, someone knows praise for killing a shooter at a restaurant, and even Morgan Freeman is in trouble for sexual harassment. Yesterday “Cherry” even told me that my post was a bit like a conversation we had about sex some time ago, and maybe I was in a rush because I wanted to see Solo, more questions than answers.

A constant theme in my writing and maybe that’s what today’s lesson is all about, yet again, why is it that I never seek the answer but am forever reiterating the question, even now I find myself living out my past through someone else’s eyes. Don’t they say; you don’t know where you’re going unless you know where you’ve been and maybe the sad thing is I want to rewrite the past, the future can be all sorts of scary. Finishing a book I’m reading, or writing, wanting my childhood not to be so terrible because the future is looking far from “Glorious” and ain’t that something when wrestling would honestly get me going once.

Perhaps the last thing I need is anymore backstory, but at the same time I can’t go all “Clint Eastwood” fighting off my future, and yet again I’m a broken record with access to a smartphone but so is everybody else, take a look my job, bringing back the dress code. Job rules, my country’s laws, and to think I once said they could do with an update but as we are learning that’s not always a good thing right?

Who even cares if history is written by the winners, well rewritten and 1984 will come sooner than you think so should I look back, move forward, and what I’m doing isn’t truly living so if anything there is so much writing to do, no more Backstory, I Say Back?

“Who controls the past controls the future. Who controls the present controls the past.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (1903 – 1950)

The Twilight Zone, Gabe’s Story

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

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No means no without question, but in this day and age, people are neglecting the issue, some are truly bad, some are cowards, and as for myself well chains and whips excite me as the song goes. “No,” Your Safeword Please for all our sakes maybe.

Thursday, May 24, 2018

Lesson 327 ~”No,” Your Safeword Please~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, that would be a no right, no means no, just many of the ways I respect women, though the last time a woman stopped me… yeah, I was trying to get her bra off, a scary prospect even for an experienced dominant. Horror, fear, terror, I’ve told you before we’ll have the “Ravishment” conversation, hopefully, before Lesson 365, we’re getting closer and speaking of getting close, why should I be afraid?

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!”

“When women start to scream,
it could be misconstrued.”

“Just keep going!” ― Friends With Benefits (2011)

Social Anxiety is one thing but once I have a girl on my couch or in bed that brings about several new types of fear and unlike social anxiety I happen to like this fear, this adrenaline rush. Scared of talking to a girl I maybe but I’ve never been scared of a girl physically, and I have one that would rip my clothes off if she had a chance and another would slap me if I kissed her. Power means responsibility, desire, fear, I’m sure there is a rule in there maybe, but I would never say no to such things Dirty Diana and who does anyway when it comes to those things maybe.

“Them girls only know three words:
stop, no and don’t.” Silas

“Uh-oh, my brother.
You got those words backward.
They always tell me,
No, don’t stop!” Jamal, How High (2001)

Sometimes I’m afraid of the beast that I will unleash like something out of The Purge “Release The Beast” I’m not crazy or anything… says the man with a bunch of outfits in the closet but sometimes I want to fuck a princess, others a schoolgirl, and then again Alice In Wonderland. How it terrifies me that I might not have everything I want but when have I ever been left unsatisfied, I’m not that complicated, controlling maybe, emotional, passionate but I would never allow a girl to go wanting, and I don’t want to find myself as such. Most men would never admit to being bad lovers, as for myself; I guess you would have to ask a girl, but if I had the courage I have in the bedroom in my everyday life, I might never know fear.

I know “No” though, and I told you about wrestling with a girl once, and she stopped me, and other things but I’ve never forced myself on anyone and I never would. Only I see these men do horrific things and I get labeled as such for what, a brand of love. Green, Yellow, Red, are a bit too normal, I guess I like creative women, but anything surely beats *sigh* “No,” Your Safeword Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

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No fire here but warm enough, of course, that’s why I have a smoke detector, not so much for myself but to keep the dog safe but as they say, who watches the watchmen and can blankets be capes? “Thunder Buddies For Life”

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Lesson 326 ~Thunder Buddies For Life~

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again after seeing me afraid, I know I say I Will Have No Fear every day, and then I wake up from that dream, earlier than I want to as I did last night to the sound of my smoke detector. You know when I was a kid I didn’t have a teddy bear, I begged for years for a dog that I could cuddle with, I walked around with a blanket, not like Linus back then I only figured I was cold.

Here I am a grown ass man for all intents and purposes, and maybe I’m making up for lost time, which is today’s sin; when my smoke detector went off (dead battery), the dog and I freaked out. Since I couldn’t get back to sleep with the annoying beep, I had to find a battery and a chair to stand in, and my dog stayed by my side the whole time even barking and growling at the beeping though he couldn’t see it. For the last twenty minutes of sleep, I could get he cuddled closer to my head trying to calm me down as if he could keep me safe from what was bothering me; my one Mean Teddy.

It’s not just his comfort though; I remember when we first moved here I told him we had to take care of each other because it’s only the two of us… and my “father’s” money of course because it’s not like we got any warmth from him. Speaking of which my hoodies, doesn’t matter if it’s too hot or too cold, I’m always wearing one except for showers and bedtime; y one big security blanket, right? Even outside the house, at work, everywhere I go, a hoody or long sleeves, I’m a step away from being Eugene Porter with his Grimbly Gunk, I know it.

Then again like him Inspector Echo I consider myself a coward but what cowards must people be every day that shoot the innocent both people and animals, sacrificing children so they can feel stronger with their guns and the sad thing is I still want a gun myself. We all need that something to make us feel safe at night, whether it’s from burglars, bugs, beeping, what have you and here I have a Chihuahua, a hoody, and some weapons from The Walking Dead honestly.

Can you forgive me Inspector Echo for being afraid of the things that don’t matter, for being a man with no woman in his bed I seek warmth from a pet, some blankets, and fashion choices, for wanting to be like everyone else sorely afraid *sigh* Thunder Buddies For Life?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 325 ~Takes Two To Tango~

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What if I were to put my phone down, there are some things you can only learn from practical experience, and you don’t want any distractions… love is the most important, but it’s a great big world outside. Takes Two To Tango I know that’s right.

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Lesson 325 ~Takes Two To Tango~

Dear Future Wife,
Can You Love Me Again, when you find out my movie knowledge isn’t unlimited, and even my playlists won’t last forever but speaking of forever what else is there to do with this thing called love? Maybe I got lucky… us meeting when we did and while I wouldn’t mind the kids living Cobra Kai besides watching it on YouTube Red *sigh*, I suppose I’d be learning right along with them maybe.

I might be a bit freaked out if they turned into sports enthusiasts, except for as I said Martial Arts, Running, and the Olympics. Of course, I want to see the world with you, and taking a class together, do they still pass notes, and we can always go for a run “Silver Linings Playbook” style. I never learned how to ride a bike and… hmm interesting that while I’m trying to think of things that make me put my phone down I get why we’re usually on our behinds. A dance class maybe, while I did learn for our wedding, “Dirty Dancing” was a bit cliché that’s why we performed that number from Ellie Goulding’s “Love Me Like You Do” was that before or after our lightsaber duel and zombie skit, such are weddings.

If we’re going out to eat why not Dave & Buster´s, now honestly you were always more than a gamer girl to me, or a “Dancing Queen,” yeah besides 40’s and 50’s Nuclear Pop, and maybe a Lambada class, I am a teeny weeny into disco. No wonder Facebook considers me a moderate, we could always go to a shooting range too, and it would probably help to have you around, a black man near a gun these days and here I am with an angel. Yeah, I suppose my comedy could do with some work but no comedy shows; let’s go to a museum, walk through a bookstore, some scientific inquiry.

Plenty of stuff I enjoyed alone and with you… the world seems broader and then again smaller, it’s like when I introduce you to something I have loved for so long, and I get to see it through your eyes, and it can be so big and beautiful all over again. I get to see you as a friend, lover, wife, mother, and maybe that’s what scares me, the love I feel the love you feel for me I need it to spread so I can live and when we can share a love of something… or I could only love your butt; Sir Mix-a-Lot fan I’m afraid.

It all starts with me asking you to dance though and when did we first do that my love, they say, Takes Two To Tango.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 324 ~Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material~

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I think someone should put this in the wedding vows, maybe I will, but I’m getting ahead of myself, zombies will walk the Earth before I end up wrangled up at some point but I could get lucky thus this rule. Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material hmm

Monday, May 21, 2018

Lesson 324 ~Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material~

Thirty-Third Rule Madam Justice

Can You Love Me Again, after you see me, the real me; the religious need gods to hold them accountable but I’m just a man keeping the beast in check and waiting for humanity to mess up so I can break this “Rusty Cage” and run. I know I don’t look like the type to do I, a fighter, a survivor, though they reiterate it’s the quiet ones you have to watch… how much do I hate that saying, seriously?

I can’t look people in the face most days; I’m only making it day by day because the rules of this world would have me as a second-class citizen, Jim Crow, though I don’t mean to sound all racial. Like John Dorie on “Fear The Walking Dead” I was having a conversation with myself, and I was saying how people want to stomp in your face, but the moment you rise and don’t prescribe to their ideas of you they freak out. This day and age, thinking these things can get a person in a lot of trouble I know it, but I’m going to rise someday, might take to the end of the world but I will, and I’ll survive and these other people…

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.”
George Orwell, 1984

Maybe that’s why I attract damaged girls, survivors; if there is one thing that I have learned from every zombie show, movie, and video game, it’s that people are the real enemy. As much as I have dreamed of being one of them I’m starting to think that it’s like a plague. Zombies eat people, and it’s like everyday people are from “Pontypool,” and nobody wants to listen, to understand and I am a firm believer that someday the dead will walk the Earth; if we’re not already. Madam Justice it could be the idea that I think the only way I’ll get a girl is if “It’s The End Of The World” as we know it and I feel fine, but yeah I don’t want to be lonely. Still, I do enjoy my dog’s company, but people do need people ain’t that something huh?

“Fight The Dead, Fear The Living” ― The Walking Dead

To be less scary I like girls that can be quiet, that read, that relish sitting in the dark (movies). Isn’t one of my biggest fantasies, only to lie in bed with a girl on a sunny day, listening to nuclear pop, Atom Bomb Baby, Thirteen Women, Watch World War Three on Pay TV, etc. Throw in getting energized by sex, violence, and of course quiet and I’m in love; she can endure this world, at times even enjoy it but she can’t be dead like them. Hell “Dead Like Me,” if she can make me feel alive Madam Justice, Is She Zombie Apocalypse Material.
I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 323 ~A Battle Of Wills~

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I feel like making words, I feel like making love, I feel like making money and why can’t I decide which one is more important, hell if it’s not writing then how dare I call myself a writer. “A Battle of Wills” and I should want to be the writer

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Lesson 323 ~A Battle Of Wills~

To Will:
Can You Love Me Again, when you don’t know who I am or who you are, I swear it’s just a sum of your parts, some more than others which explains the unfortunate six impossible things not done:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 64* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Completed (Day 71* No Fap)
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
Completed
3. I Will Edit At Least Three More Chapters Of My Novel
Partial Completion (Didn’t Read Out Loud And No Chapter Titles Yet)
4. I Will Complete “The Maiden” by Celia Aaron
Completed
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
Failed
6. I Will Edit Thirty-Four Poems (Poetry Book)
Failed

Willie we’ll call it 50/50 and why did I use the name Willie, because maybe that name is synonymous with failure and haven’t I and I am hoping that you will not follow in my footsteps, every day you’re supposed to get better. I tried explaining it to my dad when I was maybe in middle school or high school, it’s like you’re going crazy, not multiple personalities mind you… you know you’re blowing things out of proportion when you’re on WebMD looking up things like Schizophrenia. Maybe the world’s going crazy, and you feel you need to go mad with it, and I can’t tell you whether you’re right or wrong, but you survive.

“The only way to survive a mad world is to embrace the madness.” ― Victor Strand, Fear The Walking Dead

Willy survives; if there is one constant in this world it’s sex, and here we are day 71 and though you are successfully keeping it in your pants, how about Leonie Saint, Classy Cassy, Pocahontas Jones, Momokun, “Super: Ex Heroes” and currently Whispers In The Dark. For somebody trying to avoid temptation I’m fantastic at finding it and what about, yesterday… we talked about it before, that mom in the parking lot, making friends with people, giving money to pretty girls and I respect women, I truly do, but I feel stupid. I know you hate those stories about “stalkers” and guys being rejected, like what’s his face Dimitrios Pagourtzis because he was quiet, he liked a girl, so on and so forth and your boss already thinks you’re crazy.

Will has to work, Will is who you are, because while you’ll never run out of things for people to call you, your name Will is something that will know remembrance, and swear one day you’ll start that list of reasons to write. How about stop making mistakes and you know what I’m talking about, your freaking blue balls are evidence of that, if you want your hands to be busy then write. You’ve got plenty of Noveling to do and all the time in the world, no excuses, no propositions, no words that are going to get you in trouble in the eyes of the wrong people, too late for that; six impossible things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 71* No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The Friend My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Edit At Least Four Chapters Of My Novel
4. I Will Complete 50% Of Whispers In The Dark
5. I Will Post A Review For Avengers: Infinity War
6. I Will Edit Sixty-Five Poems (Poetry Book)

Decide the man you want to be, not the failure, or the man that thinks with the little head, be the man that is going to have his name on a book and not only in CreateSpace or some independent hack. You have plenty of enemies, but it starts with you A Battle Of Wills.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 322 ~Let’s Speak English Please~

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It’s not that people speak different languages but and I have made this argument before, there is too much noise, with gunfire and royal proclamations, and everybody is looking towards heaven but then again. “Let’s Speak English Please” not like that

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Lesson 322 ~Let’s Speak English Please~

Hey Lady Lu,
Can You Love Me Again after a bit of a racist sentiment but it’s only racism if you compare me to Aaron Schlossberg or any Trump supporter, hell it might be treason during the Revolutionary War, but honestly today I mean the Royal Wedding. One country is preparing to bury more children and teachers, and another is welcoming love with a ton of security, thankfully nothing has happened; what if they had real knights with everyone knighted?

It’s times like these I think of that story of The Tower of Babel the idea that humanity spoke one language, and I would like to believe that language was love, but you can’t have love without hate. I’m still not a man of faith, but if there is a God sometimes you would think he hates us, my mom would probably go on some rant about love; why does love have to sound so much as hate, maybe something is lost in translation. I keep coming up with these reasons to write and here’s another, I’m trying to translate me because again it’s days like these I feel I am capable of love, but no one understands at all.

“If you think that what I do and how I live’s too much
I don’t really really give two fux
If you think that what I say and what I give ain’t love
I don’t really really give two fux” ― Adam Lambert, Two Fux

For example, if I were to have a wedding I’ve always wanted something like The Hunger Games, riding into the arena with my girl, crowds cheering, fire effects, or something like The Walking Dead or Star Wars. Don’t I call myself a traditionalist and maybe it’s sad because when’s the last time anyone said they love me, other than “Indiana Gone” and of course my dog gets a pass, but I tell him I love him every day, haven’t told a person that in years. More Than Words or Let’s Get Lost because we can’t “Escape” the fact that we’ve forgotten the love and again people will argue the contrary but we have dead children, and people instead hold onto their guns. We celebrate two people only to remind ourselves what love should look like or so we all dream.

If I’m not translating myself I do believe that words have the power to change the world as we know it, English, Spanish, Japanese, Yiddish, and god knows how many other languages because there are millions of ways to say I love you, but I need to hear it. Even if it’s Untitled (How Does It Feel) yeah I’ll turn off my phone, but I’m in a lovey-dovey mood, and I’m “Lost Without U” Lady Lu. Probably still am, unfortunately, but I’m just trying to understand, and with my languages *sigh* Let’s Speak English Please.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

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Do we call it bad news anymore, one more school shooting and more people will stick to their televisions, computers, and phones for even less time, the revolution will not be televised they say but why risk going out these days. The Bad News Squares

Friday, May 18, 2018

Lesson 321 ~The Bad News Squares~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Can You Love Me Again, after I give you the bad news, that’s the world today, endless bad news, maybe one more reason that my eyes hurt or perhaps I should go outside, but that’s quite dangerous for African-American men these days?

Do you ever wonder if they hate it, the news anchors that at least once a week write about a school shooting, more young people dying, black people, immigrants, all being torn apart every single day? What about the liars who have to know what they’re saying and yet they continue, from our computer screens, our televisions, the snippets in our phones? As the song goes it’s Hip To Be Square but notice how it’s not so much to be a rectangle with as many people as we’re putting in boxes, I wonder if death still avoiding me, just saying.

“This a celly
That’s a tool
On my Kodak
Ooh, know that”
This Is America

To think what was once the norm, people going about their lives, squares, and next thing you know they’re more round faces for squares to use, numbers on charts and graphs, and it looks like other boxes, prisons are filled with the wrong people. So we hide in these boxes, we call homes, for the record, as stupid as it sounds I hate that word home, I’m in a house and while the home is where the heart is, my heart more often than not is pieces. I told “Indiana Gone” my heart was broken five times in one day, from stories, friends, and movies, no Deadpool 2 spoilers here.

“The world will break your heart ten ways to Sunday. That’s guaranteed. I can’t begin to explain that. Or the craziness inside myself and everyone else.” Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

I keep telling myself I’m going to list all the reasons I’m a writer *sigh* well here is another one. I talked about rectangles not being cool but writing is my gift to myself and everyone else, and I only want to get all this down, put it in a box with a pretty bow and hide it. Add it to all the skeletons in my closet because it hurts to look at, like all the potential submissive clothes, and Hardee’s uniform (did we ever talk about that), maybe another day. Let’s not talk about my favorite box either, another reason I haven’t been working on my story as much as I should be and what’s the point with how this country is looking it might be illegal to read and write again, for anybody, children aren’t educated these days.

I never believed them when they would call television the idiot box but look at the people talking, the president is filling boxes one way or another, (don’t look up Stormy Daniels “entertainment”) but do any of us hate it, writing The Bad News Squares.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 320 ~Give Me A Hand~

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Is it supervising that I know the feeling of handcuffs or than chains and whips excite me, or how about the idea of knowing how to serve, I can be a gentleman but a man and his two hands can be or do anything? Give Me A Hand

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Lesson 320 ~Give Me A Hand~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
Can You Love Me Again, after I untie you; when you’re looking for new bras and panties. When I make my best impression of Christian Grey covering up all the things I do to you? For someone who likes holding hands, who enjoys a touch, who thinks one of the best things in the world is waking up Saturday morning and listening to 40’s and 50’s apocalyptic pop while a pretty girl touches me, I do like bondage, yeah sue me.

Wrong words in this day and age right but it’s like I tell people “if you’re not my dog, my girl, or applying for the job, don’t touch me” and when’s the last time a girl touched me? I’ve said it before, but I don’t have body issues, but I like control though I can go deeper, trust, loyalty, submission, a few of my favorite things or do I think women are honestly that dangerous? It’s not that you put a woman in chains, it’s that she doesn’t want the key, maybe it’s not that I’m afraid that she’ll hurt me. No, more to the point that she will run away so why even bother?

I’m a traditionalist as you know and I don’t oppose a one-night stand and making love well… there are a few ways to go about that, and still, I refer to Christian Grey not that I agree with Fifty Shades of Grey. I make love, but I fuck too, love is a complicated thing as well as a many-splendored thing, along with sex and we’re back to my need for control, for dominance; I guess when you spend your life as the slave you need to be the Master somewhat. Release The Beast like something out of The Purge, but it’s not for the money, it’s the thrill, the knowing, the fight; today is still not the day for the “Ravishment” conversation but yeah power.

Sex is about power but to have someone give you that power, to trust so much and not only with the act but with the aftercare, a type of control but running a bath, cleaning, sustenance, to serve after such a gift was received. You ask for a girl’s hand for a lifetime but what will I do with those hands, and with my two, that’s the question, pleasure and pain, search and discover, break and rebuild if you were to Give Me A Hand.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 319 ~Keep Your Head Up~

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Perhaps putting one foot in front of the other is the best thing I can do which is why I’m always looking down, maybe I’m looking for a spot to start digging or a thousand other things but shouldn’t I see ahead. Keep Your Head Up.

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Lesson 319 ~Keep Your Head Up~

“I’m sick of taking care of everything, paying bills, making peace and plans and keeping my chin up. God, I am so sick of my chin being up.” Angel 04×02

Forgive Me Echo,
Can You Love Me Again, even if I don’t take your advice or maybe you’re just like my manager, in one ear and out the other; you don’t know how often I wish that it was that simple. Like that song from “Frozen” though to be honest I prefer Sam Tsui’s version of “Let It Go/Let Her Go” but anyway my point is my boss a fucking liar. I remember everything, like a damn elephant I never forget; I’m my mother’s son (her sorority emblem so relax.)

My sin is not talking about weight; I get enough of that with “Cherry,” but people all my life have told me I have a big head, and when it comes to women yes I certainly agree. Only I’m not talking about that particular sin either if it is a sin at all. No Inspector Echo today’s sin is as physical as it is mental so long story short, “for the life of me” with everything I do remember I no longer know how to keep my head up. I’m not trying to be all creepy like Monday, remember what I was worried about, but I spent all of today with my eyes glued to the floor, though I fought it for a while maybe.

I’ve been contemplating what I was looking at, so many theories like, if there exist a Heaven and Hell, I know I don’t belong here so maybe I only wanted to go home, no worries Inspector Echo I’m very much alive. It could be the idea that the tears don’t fall but they want to, and grief makes more than hearts heavy, I was reading those “Thirty-Six Questions to fall in love,” and I think one of them was when was the last time you cried. I could be readying myself for the hangman’s noose, I confess to you my sins Inspector Echo but if you truly knew me, if anyone and what about my pride again, Rule 15 “I Take My Own Lumps” if I go down I accept my fate, big balls anyone?

How about the idea that I have so many would be queens in my life and as I tell “Okay” heavy is the head that wears the crown but I’m no king, no prince, maybe a jester’s hat would suit me. Now I could go on but should I only ask do you forgive me for my fear of not wanting to face people, my feelings of being worthless, or the countless theories all of the above, my neck is killing me trying to be better, Keep Your Head Up.

“There’s a saying — the pessimist looks down and hits his head.
The optimist looks up and loses his footing.
The realist looks forward and adjusts his path accordingly.” ― The Walking Dead, The Well

I Will Have No Fear